 The thing with co-dependency is typically it comes from growing up, you know, in a household that maybe had one or both parents with addiction. So you, you have a certain amount of chaos that you crave in relationships because you've seen that modeled that like a little bit of fighting or yelling or like some friction and tension is the norm for you. So when a relationship doesn't have that, typically that's not the relationship you get into. You get into a relationship because you're not, you're unknowingly craving a bit of chaos. You have some comfort in chaos. You know how to deal with things when they're a little bit crazy. So I think as far as, because there are a few questions around that in this letter, I don't think you can control the relationship from not being a co-dependent relationship. All you can do is control your behavior. And I know for me a lot of I'm on the side of, you know, where I am the co-dependent. So I, my pattern is I start to try to control, you know, like the situation because there's chaos. So I need to control it. I need to fix the person. So instead I turn that around and find ways to appreciate the person and give encouragement. I cut them slack instead of like putting everything under a microscope. I go like, you know what? So he didn't do the, you know, his dishes today. It's okay. He did my dishes like, you know, a couple of times last week. And I also set boundaries, you know, I had, I had my current relationship is not a co-dependent relationship, but I've had my share. So I think the big thing for me was that I didn't set boundaries. I made it okay for people to treat me in a poor way. I made it, it was okay if, you know, one second that person was shining the light on me and I was the center of their universe, but it was also okay if they completely ignored me and didn't get back to me, you know. So it's like, you really have to, you know, be clear about your boundaries with the other person. And if they don't respect those, then maybe that's not the relationship to be in, but as a co-dependent setting boundaries is a huge challenge. I think something else to go along with that. Certainly you should come into it working on yourself and not expecting somebody else to complete you because that is, that's where you're looking at this other person and every time that you feel lost, scared, upset, you're looking to the other person, fix me, fix me now, make me feel good. And they're like, I have my own life, I have my own things going on here. And so now you're not only looking at this other person to complete you, you're constantly taking and draining from them and putting all the pressure on them to make you feel whole. And certainly that's going to go too as well. Well, we've talked about this on the show with co-dependency. Oftentimes your interests, your friends, everything goes to the wayside and the relationship becomes all consuming. And a lot of times those guardrails disappear immediately because we have this huge chemical spike. We're so infatuated with one another that we're like, oh, I can hang out with my friends later. And all of a sudden, we're creating this environment that is going to lead to co-dependency because we've thrown all of our eggs into this metaphorical basket. So working on yourself, one, absolutely important. Number two, really pursuing those passions outside of the relationship, coming into the relationship, having your own life, having a strong social circle, having things going on in your life that excite you outside of the relationship is also important because the co-dependency line turning into controlling, turning into, okay, I need to know where you are. You need to be with me at all times. I don't feel safe without you. Those behaviors are typically starting at the initiation of that relationship because you've created this pattern that this is acceptable. I need you to drop everything to spend time with me and I'm willing to drop everything to spend time with you. Also, obviously looking back at your past is very key here. You've already started to do that, which is a great first step. But think about what are the qualities in your past relationships that attract you to that person and what are the qualities that you weren't so attracted to that popped up after the fact. A lot of us don't realize that we pay so much attention to the qualities that we like, we don't realize it's the qualities that we don't like that are the reason for a lot of the strife in our relationship. So being clear on what are the qualities I'm looking for and what are those qualities that I just don't jive with really well. And everyone, as we talked about earlier this month, has different love languages, ways they communicate things. Understanding your own is going to help you a lot from protecting you from potentially getting into another codependent relationship. Yeah. And I highly recommend also Melody Beatty's book, Codependent No More and Language of Letting Go. Language of Letting Go is a daily piece of advice and just dives a little bit into codependency every day in a different way. And I know when I go through my periods where I'm really struggling with it, I read that each morning in journal and it helps a lot. So journaling, absolutely. A lot of us don't realize in the moment when we're feeling these things, we can reflect after the fact, but having a regular journaling practice can allow you to see some of these signals sooner than later.