 Lux presents Hollywood. The Lux Radio Theater brings you Danny Kay and Virginia Mayo in Wonder Man. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. William Keely. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. If you ever manage a resort hotel, you'll find that your worst enemy is rain. Those dismal indoor days that start your guests departing for the city. A certain hotel in the Catskills hired an inventive gentleman who solved that problem by donning funny looking hats, clowning through the halls, and throwing himself, if necessary, fully clothed into the fish pond for the entertainment of discouraged guests. From that beginning, Danny Kay has soared to a phenomenal success on stage and radio, and co-starred in two screen hits with his leading lady of tonight, Virginia Mayo. They appear in their original screen roles in Samuel Goldwyn's Wonder Man, released by RKO. To give you as much of Danny Kay as possible, we divide him in two and present him in our play as twins, identical in look, but very opposite in temperament. For things that look alike may prove quite different in performance. One of our friendly listeners in Georgia writes me, I am a teacher of first grade at school, and every day before lunch we have washing time. One morning I brought two standard-sized cakes of soap, one for the boys and one for the girls. When I gave it to the children, I told them I had two kinds, lux and another, and the girls could have first choice. Without hesitation, every girl said lux. So you see our Georgia features, even as early as the first grade, learn what's good for their complexions. Thanks to Miss Harvard of Unadilla, Georgia, and congratulations to her well-trained and discerning pupils. It's time for our curtain and act one of Wonder Man, starring Danny Kay as Edwin Dingle and his brother Buster and Virginia Mayo as Ellen. Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive. Sir Walter Scott's mom in Canto 6 stands at 17. How aptly do these words describe the events I'm about to relate, although on second thought, perhaps Marcus Aurelius Antonius sums it up even better in his celebrated meditations. You will recall his admonition. Get used to thinking there is nothing nature loves so well as to change our existing forms and make new ones like them. He goes on to declare time is... Mr. Dingle? Yes. This is the Lux Radio Theater. We present plays here. I beg your pardon? Could you get to the point a little faster? The point? Who you are, how all this began, a sort of setting of the scene. Oh, yes. Yes. Thank you, Mr. Dingle. My name is Edwin Dingle. It is my want to spend time in the Higbee Memorial Research Library gathering material for my forthcoming publication. Oh, that I had devoted a few moments to the world around me too. How much better prepared I would have been for what occurred? For example, last Tuesday night, while I was contemplating Plutarch's Consolation to Apollonius, contemplations of a vastly different nature were occurring in the district attorney's office. There's no doubt about it, Grussett. 10 grand Jackson murdered Choutou Levan. Yes, boss, but what can we do about it? We finally get the goods on that gangster and what happens? They let him out on bail. But the trial comes up soon. All we got to do is put Buzzy Baloo on the witness stand. Baloo witnessed the murder, didn't he? Yes, but I am worried. Baloo puts on his act every night at the Pelican Club. 10 grand Jackson knows that. Well, I've tried to get that crazy comic to accept police protection, but you know how he is. You can't get Baloo to worry about anything, including his life. Well, while that was going on in the district attorney's office and while I was in the library pouring over Plutarch, the individual referred to as Buzzy Baloo was in a dressing room at the Pelican Club, presenting a costly engagement ring to a comely young lady named Midge. Buzzy, oh, it's beautiful and you're wonderful and I love you, but I'm certainly glad you're not twin. What? I said I'm glad you're not twin. Ha-ha, but I am. You have a twin? Sure, my brother Redwood haven't seen him in years. Oh, is that so? You're on the level, Midge. Maybe I ought to marry him. Nah, you wouldn't like him, honey. He's a bookworm. I'm just a worm. Yeah, and I'd better crawl under my costume before the boy steps on me. I'll see you in a few minutes, huh, baby? What a guy. Uh, hiya, boss man. Well, get off the clock and get into your costume. Hello, Monty. Oh, hello, Midge. Monty, look, after all these years. Ring. And we're getting married tomorrow. Well, I guess man means business this time. Well, from the size of the diamond, that's either love or his horse came in. He hasn't had a winner in a month. He got one tonight, honey. Thanks, Monty. Well, I suppose you're going to say you'll always be a sister to me. Come on. Just give it. I'll tell you one thing, though. If he ever tries to take the act to Reno, I'll be waiting. I know you will. Monty, I'm worried. Did you see the papers? They've released 10 grand jacks and on bail. Yeah. And I don't care what Buzzy says. I'm calling the cops. Whether he wants it or not, he's going to have... Come in. Oh, this here's the florets, Mr. Below. Oh. I got two dozen lilies for you. Oh, you got the wrong room, Jack. I don't need any lilies. You will in a minute. 10 grand don't like you, Mr. Below. Did you say 10 grand? Yeah. Oh, this is going to hate me as much as it's going to hate you. Back up the truck to us, oh, let's get him out of here. I repeat, while all this was ensuing, I, Edwin Dingle, was in the Higby Memorial Research Library. But suddenly, a most peculiar feeling came over me. I heard music, strange music, eerie bewildering. And when I glanced up, there was Miss Ellen Chandler, the librarian, staring at me. Mr. Dingle, what's the matter? Music, I hear music. You do? Wait a minute. Wait a minute, now it's gone. Mr. Dingle, you've been working too hard. And what's this you've been writing? Oh, just some notes on the Paleozoic era. Paleozoic era? But, Mr. Dingle, look what you've written. Is this a code or something? Buzzy, buzzy, buzzy, buzzy. You've written nothing but buzzies all over the paper. How odd. You hear music, you write buzzy. Oh, and I have difficulty with my breathing, too. I feel cold and a little moldy. You'd better go home and take your temperature. Don't worry about me, Miss Shan. It's probably nothing but my aquafobia. Aquafobia? Oh, yes, yes. Worst case in the history is forciety. You're leaving now? I think I'd better. But you'll be back tomorrow? Oh, by all means, Miss Shanley. I love the smell of leather bindings. Miss Shanley, I've been wondering if you'd have dinner with me. Oh, I'd love to. You would? Oh, yes. Good. Sometime around the first of next month. Oh. It's a financial problem. Something to do with my allowance. Oh, you could have dinner with me tonight. Or if you'd get something warm inside of you, maybe you wouldn't be hearing that music and feeling damp. Oh, I just could. Well, I've got millions of canned things. You have? I love canned things. Wonderful. By the way. By the way, Mr. Dingle. What is aquafobia? Oh, it's morbid fear of women. Oh. Well, is there any cure for it? Oh, yes. Sightedly. Sightedly. Well, if you don't mind waiting, I'll be in a minute and then we can go to my place together. Oh, decidedly, Miss Stanley. Decidedly. Well, dinner's almost ready, Mr. Dingle. You know, I've been thinking, you have the most extraordinary mind I've ever heard of. Oh, I wouldn't say that. You're very modest, aren't you? Yes, I guess I am. Well, look, you're laughing. Well, I bet that's the first time you've laughed since you've discovered Professor Zimmer's inaccuracy in his history of the Phoenician Wars. I guess it isn't that. Mr. Dingle. I'd be happier if you called me Edwin. Well, Edwin, then. Edwin, do you always wear your hair parted in the middle? I think so, why? I never saw anybody who looked good with their hair that way, except maybe Hedy Lamar. You know, it's a funny thing. He never wears hair parted in the middle. Yeah? And when he changed the way he combed his hair, it changed his whole life. It did? Yes, he ran away from home and went on the stage. I hadn't seen him in years. We're monosagotic twins, you know. For heaven's sakes, what are those? Oh, nothing to be alarmed about. Super identical, that's all. It's a very rare biological phenomenon. Well, I hope your brother's as nice as you are. Thank you, Miss Stanley. Dear. What's the matter, something wrong? I forgot the potato salad. Oh. Oh, how can we eat frankfurters without potato salad? Well, I could run down to the delicatessen. It's just around here. Oh, would you mind? There's one just around the corner. Schmidt's delicatessen. Oh, all right. I'll hurry, Miss Stanley. I'll be right back. Oh, thank you, Edwin. Be careful. Oh, don't worry about me. Oh, fine. Oh, yes, that'll be fine. Oh, fine. The pilot potato salad. Schmidt's delicatessen. Can't eat frankfurters without potato salad. Schmidt's delicatessen. Again, that peculiar music was teeming through my brain and that name, Buzzy, and now another name. Prospect Park. Buzzy, Prospect Park. Buzzy, Prospect Park. I proceeded toward Schmidt's delicatessen, little knowing my feet were leading me into a skein of incredible events. What is it? What do you want? Oh, good evening, Mr. Schmidt. Miss Stanley sent me. She wants a pint of... Oh, that music. Prospect Park. Huh? What? Mr.... look. Prospect Park is in Brooklyn. We never carry Prospect Park. Maybe instead you take a pound of Bronx Zoo? No. No? No. I pay my taxes. I don't water the milk. I go to the St. Demica Party and you come in and find a pint of Prospect Park. Oh, I've got to go. Prospect Park. Buzzy, he keeps calling me. I've got to get to the Buzzy Park. I've got to get the bus to the Buzzy Park. Prospect Park. Something is drawing me to Prospect Park like a magnet and irresistible Buzzy. Uh, you live here in Brooklyn, mister? What? Oh, no. Then why are you going to Brooklyn? Oh, but I'm not. The bus is? Oh, no, no. The bus is going to Schmidt's delicatessen. It is? What for? Potato salad. Potato salad? Ellen, she's waiting for me. Driver, driver, stop the bus. Yeah, yeah. What's the matter? Oh, I don't want to go to Brooklyn, driver. Well, none of us want to, bud, but we all got to go sooner or later. No, no, stop the bus. I demand you let me out. Okay, Jack, this is out. Where? Where am I? Prospect Park. See you again sometime. Prospect Park. So quiet. There's a bench there next to the lake. Maybe if I sit down and rest. Yes. I'll sit down and rest. I'm waiting for you. Who's calling me? In the lake. Someone in the lake's calling me. They threw me in the lake and went. Who is it? Where are you? I'm right behind you. Right behind you. Buster. Buster, this is wonderful. Are you kidding? It's murder. After 10 years to meet you here in Brooklyn, you once told me you wouldn't be found dead in Brooklyn. That was the only way it could get me here, kid. You know, Eddie, you haven't changed a bit. You still look just like me. Well, thank you very much, Buster. You look just like me. All the time, Edwin, sharp as a tack, all the time. But what are you doing here? Eddie, did you ever see a murder? A murder? Good heavens, no. Well, I did. I told the district attorney and they picked up 10 grand Jackson on suspicion, but before I could swear out a statement, he got out on bail and swore he'd knocked me off. Oh, well, that places you in a very precarious position. Oh, not any longer, kid. They killed me a few hours ago. Buster, you know I don't appreciate that kind of humor. Honest, kid, I'm dead. Am I to believe you're in apparition? I'll believe what you want, kid. Just watch this. You see this big statue here? Watch, and I'll walk right through it. Buster, be careful. You'll bump your nose. Buster, this is the most... Buster. You see, kid, it's a sin. Oh, it's impossible. An optical illusion, that's what it is. Buster, haven't you outgrown those practical jokes? Now look, Eddie, you gotta believe me. I need your help. Well, I do anything for you, Buster, but I refuse to believe you're not alive. I can see you. I can hear every word you say. Well, look, I can't explain it, Eddie. Maybe it's because we're super identical twins. I don't know. All I know is that you can see and hear me, but nobody else can. Well, this is most awkward. I knew you'd come to know good when you left home, Buster Dingle. Buster Dingle? I changed my name years ago. Didn't you ever hear of Buzzy Baloo? Buzzy...Buzzy? Well, that name, it's been going through my mind for hours. I certainly have been trying to contact you ever since they knocked me off. That's why I was drawn to this spot. Thales of Miletus Paradox. Come again? The control of spiritual magnetic forces over the material, Thales, was right. Well, pay the man the $64. I don't know from Thales. All I know is that I got you here to help me fry that rat, 10 grand Jackson. Now, Eddie, you've got to put 10 grand in the electric chair. Not so loud, Buster. There's a sailor and this girl are going to sit on the bench. Don't worry, kid. They don't even know I'm alive. I mean, dead. Oh, of course. Pardon me, Buster. Now, get this, kid. Nobody knows that 10 grand had me bumped on. See? Now, people probably think I've just disappeared. So you've got to take my place. Now, all you have to do is to be me day and night until the trial is over. But there's 10 grand Jackson. If he had you killed and he thinks I'm you, he'll most certainly kill you. I mean me. Uh, no. I'll... Oh, dear. Well, you're not scared, are you? Fear is nothing to dingo lexicon, Buster. Well, then, what are you worried about? I can handle everything. No telling what I can do once I really learn the ropes. Didn't I bring you here when you want a potato salad? Potato salad? Potato salad? Oh, I have to go, Buster. Take it easy, kid. Look, they're staring at you, the sailor and his girl. Hmm? Oh, uh, good evening. Hey, Harry, let's get out of here. That's Stella. He's talking to himself. Yeah, Brooklyn's called up. They don't see you. They don't hear you. Then you are dead, Buster. Well, now, watch this. What I don't understand is... Buster, what are you doing? Stop it, Harry. What's the matter? I said, stop it. Hey, what's your idea of hit me? I didn't do nothing. Oh, no, not much. Okay, okay, I'm going. Go on, go. I'll wait in the car. Can you do it in five minutes? I'm going. Hiya, baby. Are you reading good books lately? Don't be vulgar. Vulgar? He got fresh with me, so I slapped him. Uh, I'm sorry, miss. I wasn't talking to you. Oh, what a setup when I think of all the time. I wasted living. Please be serious. Did you say you sing and dance in a nightclub? Well, I work in a bakery, but a lot of people take me for a lot of dinner. You could fool me, honey. Please stop that. How am I ever going to take you to a place? Take my place in the bakery? Will you kindly stay out of this conversation? Well, you talk to me first, you masher. Oh, no. Now, look, you started all this. You made me come here, now you want to have fun with me. Fun? You're asking for trouble, bud? Yes, if it's trouble, bud. Now, stop it. Let's settle this alone. You come up to my room like you used to. Take off your glasses. Oh, very well. But why? But why, he says. This but why. Now, you see, honey, you can't trust nobody these days except the nice sailors. Come on, baby. Oh, I have a vague feeling this is not going to work out, Buster. Well, come on, kid. I'll take care of you if you're getting any real trouble. Why, in my new setup, all I probably have to do is to go... and I'll be able to make people disappear, stop bullets, all kinds of stuff. Now, you get right down to Pelican Club and start taking my place. But, Buster, it's futile. I haven't the slightest knowledge of how to execute a song or a dance. Well, stop worrying, will you? I got a gimmick. What's a gimmick? Well, it's a cinch. Anytime you need me, you'll hear the music. You remember the music? Oh, yes, distinctly. Okay, when you hear the music, I'll step inside of you and use your body. Whenever I hear the music, you'll step inside of me and use my body. What do you mean you'll use my body? I'll give you a demonstration, kid, like this, see? Oh, no, no, Buster. Buster, get out of me, Buster. I must talk to you immediately, Buster. Stop, will you get out of me? Buster, please, you can't do this to me. I warn you, this masquerade will be palpably inadequate. Palpably inadequate. Palpably inadequate. Palpably inadequate. Oh, now stop making me sing, Buster. I have no desire. Oh, you should be ashamed of yourself, Buster. Well, I gotta go now, Eddie, and so do you. Pelican Club, so long, kid. Buster, Buster, come back here. Rolling many aisles, Eddie Boy. Buster. Buster! In a moment, we'll return with the second act of Wonder Man, starring Danny Kay and Virginia Mayo. Meanwhile, here's our Hollywood reporter, Libby Collins. What's the special news tonight, Libby? Well, I've just seen a picture, Mr. Keely, that you might call extra special. It's paramount to the Virginians. It has an all-star cast, Joel McCrae, Von Braun and Don Levy, and Tony Tuss, with Barbara Britton as the lovely leading lady. The sets are really spectacular, aren't they? Yes, our California... Our California scenery made a magnificent background, just right for a western thriller. And the costumes, too. Just wait till you see Barbara Britton in some of those full-skirted dresses of 1885 with the hourglass silhouette. Lucky for her, she has such a tiny waistline. I've seen the picture, too, Libby, and I never saw a star look lovely or in technicolor. Barbara's a real beauty, isn't she? No, she is that, Mr. Kennedy. Huge blue eyes, natural blonde hair, and a complexion that's famous as one of the loveliest in Hollywood. How about I know what complexion she uses? Oh, you can't lose on that one, Mr. Kennedy. What else could it be but daily lux-toilet soap facials? And I can tell you that soft, luminous skin of hers is a wonderful tribute to gentle, lux-soap care. I think our feminine audience might be interested to know how easy it is to give their skin the same care nine out of ten screen stars depend on. Here's exactly how Barbara Britton takes her active-gathered facial. She covers her face with lots of the creamy lux-soap ladder and works it well in. Then she rinses, first with warm water and then cold, and past your skin dry with a soft towel. Quick and easy, but it certainly does the trick, Barbara says. These beauty facials really do make skin lovelier. Recent tests by skin specialists proved it. Actually, three out of four complexions became softer, smoother with daily lux-soap care. Now, here's a tip for women everywhere. Why not try Hollywood's own beauty soap? Begin your active-lather facials tomorrow. See if you're not delighted with lux-toilet soap's creamy, beautifying lather and the fresh new loveliness it gives your skin. Our curtain rises on Act Two of Wonder Man, starring Danny Kay and Virginia Mayo. And here's your producer, Mr. William Keely. Now, let's see, where were we? Oh, yes, Prospect Park, Brooklyn, where Edwin Dingle, seeking a pint of potato salad, encountered instead the highly animated ghost of his brother, Buzzy Bleu. I beg your pardon, were you a witness to these events? Well, no, of course not, Mr. Dingle. I was only trying to... But please, you worry about lux. I'll worry about what happened next. Well, this is highly irregular, Mr. Dingle. So am I experiencing it. I, Edwin Dingle, had to go to a cabaret and pose as my brother. Why was this mass masquerade necessary? Because I was the only one who knew that Buster had been murdered. Only by artfully concealing this knowledge could the cause of justice triumph. Full of misgivings, I entered this stage during the Pelican Cup. Who just came in? Who just came in? It's quite Buzzy Bleu, look at it! Ha ha ha! Everyone's have you kind of gagged. All right, all right, Buzzy, I see you. Um, good evening. And who do you think you're fooling with those cheaters? I'll thank you to return those cheaters. All right, but eyeglasses won't help you. Midge will slug you with them on or off. Midge? Midge who? Why don't you stop? Hey, where have you been? She's been crying her eyes out. Is that the way to treat your future wife? Wife? Oh, uh, uh, wife. Oh, yes. Well, you see, I, uh... Listen, Buzzy, are you going to marry her tomorrow or not? Tomorrow? Yes. Oh, yes. Yes, of course. I certainly... Okay. I'll be a good Joe. Slipper a kiss and square the beef so she'll know you're really on the up and up. Very well. I'll be a good Joe and slipper a kiss and square the beef so she'll know I'm on the up and up. Where you going? Uh, to converse with Midge. In here, you screwball. In here! Oh. Good evening. Uh, uh, good evening. Uh, you are Midge. I thought it all out, Buzzy. You can take back your ring and... But you've got some nerve kissing me. Oh, I just slipped you that Joe to indicate that I'm a square beef and that everything is on the ascendancy. Someday you won't get away with this clowning, Buzzy. It's a good thing I'm almost as wacky as you are. Can I bring it in here, Mr. Blue? Yes, waiter, what do you want? Uh, I've got your sandwich, Mr. Blue. Should I bring it in here? I beg your pardon. Just your regular sandwich and some potato salad. Potato salad? Oh, she's waiting for me. Excuse me, there's an urgent matter. I must tend to immediately. Buzzy! Uh, telephone. I must get to a telephone. Telephone, telephone. And that's the guy I'm going to marry. I'm sorry, Ellen, but numerous complications have arisen. But all I had to do was to go to Schmidt's delicatessen. But... I know, Ellen. I know. I'll explain it to you later. I've been waiting for hours. You might have phoned before this. Oh, but I couldn't honestly. I hear music. You're in a nightclub. Oh, but you don't understand. I'm not. Well, I hope you and your girlfriend have a lovely time. Oh, but... And from now on I'd be much obliged if you did your studying in another library. Goodbye. Ellen, Ellen, hello, hello. Oh, dear. You might get going, Buzzy. You're on in a few minutes. Oh? Hey, guess who's out in front tonight? 10 grand Jackson. Who? 10 grand Jackson. Gave him a ringside table. Oh, no. Is it 10 grand? Oh, I simply can't. I won't. All right, now hurry up and change. Midget, just starting your number and you're on next. Buster. Buster! Mr. Jackson? That's right. All alone. I hope you'll drink your satisfactory. Everything's fine. Yes, sir. How are you, boss? Me and Tosso here. We come front door. I thought I said to see me in my office. We've got a blow. We're getting out of town. Are you sure you took Carol Balloon? We took the package, the prospect package at the bottom of the lake. Okay. You think it's a good idea you're coming here tonight? Oh, I'm just curious who Monty's going to put in his place. I'm going to miss Buzzy. He was a great little performer. Now here's a man who follows me. In more ways than one. The star of the Pelican club, Buzzy Balloon. Buster. Buster, where are you? Please, Buster. Wait a minute. It can't be. It can't be Buzzy Balloon. Give me back my deal. I'm getting a load of this guy. The village Smithy stands. The Smith of my deep sea. With large and sinewy hair. Oh, Buster. Buster. Ladies and gentlemen, I think that perhaps some explanation is due. You see, I'm not... that is when... I'm unfortunately... Oh, I can't. I simply can't. Oh, the music. There it is, the music. Oh, Buster, am I glad to see you. Where in the world have you been? I thought you'd never get here. Hey, you're the biggest hunk of no talent I've ever seen. You better let me get inside of you before you ruin my reputation. Oh, Buster. Okay, let's go. Now, you know folks just like the little Eskimo girl said. It takes me a little while to get warmed up. Now, what do you say we start things jumping with a little number, huh? You know, kind of get things cooking? How about the Bali boogie? You think you'd like that? Lucky, lucky people. Buzzy boy, you're dynamite. I've got to get more too. Somewhere off the coast of Java, fell a little piece of lava that grew up to be the island known as Bali. And I'm a honey soul like I saw. Every native girl looks older like the farmer's daughter orta and for dancing they are simply a petroly. I'm a honey soul like I saw. But they hadn't seen a new step since Methuselah did. The two step on their isolated island they were way up beat. From dive they were closeted till a storm. Deposited on the beach at dive and jacked from lower basin. Sweet, he went up and got a look in and he said, hey, hey, what's cooking? This here joint is jumping but with melancholy. So he took their native improvements added in the groove improvements and here's the way it's played on the Bali Himpire. Yak pataka, zoob flute pataka, boing boing yak pataka, weed beet pataka, boing boing yak pataka, live gyber, hi toot toot chat and noogie, barley boogie. A walk of saw, slick lick, a walk of sawing, sawing, gah-ha-walka, hip step, a walk of sawing, sawing, gah-ha-walka, live gyber, hi toot toot chat and noogie, barley boogie. Now if you can't dig the chatter with the greatest of these it really doesn't matter. Here's the translation for easy. Yak pataka, boing boing, gah-ha-walka, sawing, sawing, gah-ha-walka, shoot the pinky to me stinky. Pataka, boing, slick lick, pataka, boing, boing, yak pataka, weed beet pataka, boing boing, yak pataka, live gyber, hi toot toot chat and noogie, barley boogie. See a particular friend of mine who's here tonight, 10 grand Jackson. Hiya, 10 grand. Seein' the hot seat, pal. That's the guy you said you bumped up. Of course, we did cross my heart. Yeah, sure. Look, you guys, if you two amateurs can't do this job, I'll get a couple of professionals who can. I want blue taken carols. A little later that night, Monty summoned all of his entertainers to a supper party. Buster, that is I. No, Buster. Sat next to Midge. I must add there was an abundance of champagne on the table. All right, all right, quiet, everybody. Quiet. I have the doubtful pleasure of announcing that Midge and Buzzy are going to get married. If the unhappy event takes place tomorrow afternoon at four o'clock in that little church around the corner. Hey, you know something? I've got an even bigger surprise. Yeah, well, this time I'm going to be there. And I've got a surprise for you. If you're late, even five minutes late, I'm going to marry Monty. And so help me. I'll set his clock back. Boys and girls, let's straight to the late Buzzy balloon. In all candor, I must relate that several toasts were consumed. I at Winding Girl never touch alcohol, but my brother Buster was inhabiting my body. And I must say he took unfair advantage of it. He was getting both of us quite intoxicated. Go on, Buzzy boy. What were you going to say? Well, I'll tell you, honey. I want to propose a toast, too. I want to propose a toast to my little bride, Ellen. I mean, Midge. I'm getting pretty dizzy. Well, it's tomorrow afternoon at the little library around the corner for better or for worse than riches and the health to a potato salad who responds. Edwin. Edwin. Oh. I feel awful. I'll never let you take another drink while I'm inside here. You never, do you hear? Oh, brother, I wish I were dead. It was not kind of Buster to leave me in my condition. Monty assisted me to my dressing room, a Buster's dressing room, and left me to what he called sleep it off. When I awakened, I stole furtively away from the still-celebrating guests and hastened in my quarters at the YMCA. Unfortunately, this time I overslept. There was not until mid-after... that's why I phoned. I tried to get away, but I couldn't on account of Midge because we were engaged to be married. That is, Buzzy and Midge were to be married. But I was Buzzy then. Oh, well, who are you now? Oh, I'm myself now, but I don't know how long it will last. All right, I've heard your story. You may leave. Oh, I'm sorry, but you must come with me. I'm taking you to the church. What church? Well, I'll get the girls waiting there to marry me to tell you how when I was Buzzy blue, I got mixed up in this because he was supposed to marry you. So when I'm not Buzzy, why should I have to? We'll face the whole thing together. Oh, we will. All I'll do is... Ellen, look. Huh? Those two men, they're staring at me. You're as nutty as a fruitcake. We've been looking for you, young fellow. Oh, now, just a moment. Can you see this badge? District Attorney's office. Why? What's he done? That's between him and the AMAs. Come along, you. Goodbye, Ellen. Goodbye. I'm terribly sorry about the potato salad, but maybe if you could get a chance, you could visit me and bring me a little fresh fruit, maybe. And to think, only yesterday, you was just a nice, sweet, ordinary genius. Now, let's get down to business, Mr. Blue. You told me you had the goods on 10 grand Jackson for that murder last week. Yes, but I can't make a statement yet. Why not? I'm waiting for something to happen. Buster. Oh, what to happen? Buster. Buster, please, Buster. Doesn't look as if it's going to happen, Mr. O'Brien. Oh, now, calm down. Now, you saw Jackson at the scene of the murder, didn't you? Oh, yes, yes. I surprised him in flagrante delicto. Well, good. Proceed. Well, I ripped off my stint at the Pelican Club where I'm engaged as a song-and-dance entertainer. Yeah? Yes. I was a little bit brought down, so I decided to take a walk. We'll see. Whereupon I see this hoodlum 10 grand drive-up in an armored car. He was stalking his victim, a tall, thin man with a red beard. There was a hail of lead. And the victim fell fatally pierced through the pericardial region. Heh. There you are, Mr. O'Brien. It's an open and shut case. May I go now? Oh, just a minute, Mr. Blue. Just one or two minor details. Oh, well, it was quite dark. I may have slipped up on a detail or two. In the first place, the tall, thin man with a red beard was a short, fat fan dancer named Chuchu Laverne. Amazing. Her disguise was perfect. And in the second place, she was strangled, not shot. Mr. Blue, you told me you knew the name under which Chuchu Laverne rented the safe deposit box. You said it contains evidence of 10 grand counterfeiting racket. Now, what was the girl's real name? And no more of your phony quibbling. That's her name, phony quibbling. Uh, phony quibbling. Buster! Buster, you keep yelling about somebody higher up, eh? Yes, that's it. Somebody higher up, and I wish it hurry and come down. Buster! Now, you listen to me, Blue. Are you trying to wreck my political career? No. You're involved with 10 grand jacks. No. You're a member of his mob. They're paying you off to do this to me. No, no, no. Buster! Now, give me just one more chance to help me out of railroad. You're for withholding evidence. All right. All right. I'll tell the truth. Well, that's more like it. Well, I went to Schmidt's delicatessen, but the music made me feel cold and damp, and the potato salad turned into prospect power. What? Well, then I jumped off the bus, and there was Buster walking through a statue because he was dead. Holy jumpin', Republicans! Throw this maniac out of here and drop the charges against 10 grand jacks! What boy? We've got no case! You can't drop the charges 10 grand did it. Buster will tell you, Buster, Buster, please come down and get inside of me. Please hurry, Buster, please! Hey, get him away. I can't stand the sight of him. No, no, they'll kill me too. I want police protection. Police protection? I am issuing an order to every policeman to arrest you on sight. Shoot you, if necessary, if you so much as go near a cop. Now throw that idiot out of here. But, Mr. O'Brien... Mr. O'Brien... The situation was fraught with peril and... and ignominy. Cast out into the street. I consulted my watch. It was five o'clock. I was an hour late for the wedding. I recalled midges in the panic world. If you're late, even five minutes late, I'm going to marry Monty. There was no use in going to the church. I walked willy-nilly down the street, turned the corner, and bumped right into them. A pair of grim, visage thugs. They uttered certain low, polycylactic words and attempted to halt me. I broke from their grasp and ran. It's him, Tosso. He's been sent into the DA again. Get out of the camp. He's getting away. It's not this time he ain't. What's this, Tosso? Tosso! But I just have to talk with the district attorney. Sorry, miss. He's gone. That young man he arrested, it's not really out of... he's not really out of his mind. It's my fault. I upset him because he's not used to girls. You don't have to talk to Mr. O'Brien. But when will he be back? He won't. He's going to the opera tonight. The opera? But maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe his life is in danger. What will he... Sorry. Oh, Edwin. Oh, poor, poor Edwin. We pause now for station identification. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System. In just a moment, we'll bring you the third act of Wonder Man, starring Danny Kay and Virginia Mayo. Amateur dramatics as a rule are good experience and lots of fun. But not often does the star of the class play step from college into a screen career. Miss Jacqueline White did, though, and she's here tonight to tell us about it. Jacqueline, I'm curious to know, what was the name of the class play that started you to success? It was our wilderness, Mr. Keely. An executive of Metro Golden Mayo Studios was at the performance, and he offered me a screen test. Which you passed with flying colors, apparently. And now you have a long-term contract with the studio. I've been in eight pictures since then, but I still feel I have much to learn about acting. You have some wonderful stars as inspiration out of your studio. Oh, yes. I spent a lot of time on the set while they were shooting AJ Cronin's The Green Years. It gave me a chance to watch Charles Colburn in the role of grandfather. I've always admired him so much. Great, isn't it? And there's some fine opportunities for younger stars, too, in The Green Years. Tom Drake and Beverly Tyler, for instance, do a grand job. It's an inspiration to any producer to see talented young people take their careers so seriously. Especially when they're blessed with good looks as well as talent. Miss White, I shouldn't think camera close-ups would ever have any terrors for you, not with that lovely blonde hair and a complexion that even by Hollywood standards is dazzling. You're very kind, Mr. Kennedy. You won't be surprised when I say I'm a luxe girl. An enthusiastic one, too. Luxe dope gives my skin just the care it needs. Thank you, Miss Jacqueline White. There's a reason why so many famous screen stars, so many lovely young starlets, recommend luxe toilet soap. It's a real beauty soap made of the finest ingredients. Thrifty, too. Each satin smoothcake lasts and lasts. Lovely women everywhere will tell you luxe toilet soap makes a delightful bath soap, too. Here's what screen stars say. The creamy, active ladder makes daintiness sure. And you'll love the flower-like fragrance of luxe soap beauty bath leaves on your skin. We continue with Act 3 of Wonder Man, starring Danny Kay as both Edwin Dingle and Buster Ballew and Virginia Mayo as Ellen. Here's Mr. Keely at the microphone. Well, Mr. Dingle? Mr. Dingle? Can't you see I'm preoccupied? Aren't you going to give us a preface to our third act? Oh, I can. I'm trying to escape those characters and pursuing me chimp and torso. They're still shooting at me. Buster, do something. Buster! It appears Mr. Dingle is correct. Ten grand Jackson's gunmen are hot on his heels. But Mr. Dingle, in an amazing exhibition of running and dodging, finds a temporary refuge. On a fire escape outside Ellen Chandler's apartment, he taps frantically on the window pane. Who's there? Who's at the window? Who is it? Mr. Dingle? Uh-huh. Two gentlemen are after me. They're watching the front door. I had to come up this way. If a policeman sees you... Don't mention the police. They have orders to shoot me outside. That I can understand. Well, goodbye. Don't shut the window, please. Listen, I was just with the district attorney. Edwin Dingle, you're the biggest liar in the whole world. I happen to know the district attorney is on his way to the opera. Ellen, please don't doubt me. I couldn't lie to you. I couldn't lie to anyone about whom I feel. That is, whom I feel such a feeling as I feel. I'd like to believe you, Edwin. Then may I come in for a minute? Not until I've heard what you have to say. Well, my brother Buster is buzzy blue. He was killed last night, and I told his ghost I'd help him out. But I didn't think he'd keep getting inside of me, sir. Oh. Ellen, Ellen, please. You're positively shameless, Edwin. Maybe when you're ready to tell the truth, I'll learn. I'm telling the truth. There's someone at the door. So please climb down and go away. Come in. All right, sir. Where is he? Home vacant. Come on. Come on. Where's he at? He? Who? Your boyfriend. Please, those guns. There's nobody here. Let's take a look around for a sec. What's that? We'll make that noise. Oh, I did. I was just tapping on the radiator. See? Like this. I can't tell you so I follow you, sister. Well, it's cold when I wrap loud enough the janitor turns the heat on. Oh. Well, that's the janitor knocking back. It's very interesting, very. Well, there must be some mistake. I know he's peculiar, but Mr. Dingo wouldn't hurt a fly. Dingo, Dingo. Who is Mr. Dingo? Well, you said my boyfriend, didn't you? How do you like that? She's two-time in Buzzy Baloo while she's two-time in Midge Malone. Buzzy Baloo? And he was telling the truth. I mean, isn't Buzzy Baloo dead? He crossed us up. We bump him off and he bounces back. Yeah. How much do you know, babe? Yeah, we want to ask you some questions. All right. I don't know why I should protect Baloo if he's two-timing me. He knows you're after him, so he's leaving for Chicago on the 820 from Grand Central. But that's him, torso. That's him. Edwin, get out of here, Edwin! Get out of here, Edwin! Get out of here, Edwin! Once again, I was fleeing for my life. I turned the corner and back at Schmidt's delicatessen. I found sanctuary behind the pickled herring barrels. But I was not alone. Waiting there for me was Buster. How you doing, kid? Oh, Buster, at last you're here. I've been trying to make it for some time, Edwin, but I had a hangover that was out of this world. Now, look, kid, never take another drink while I'm inside you, would you? Oh, you must help me, Buster. My life is in jeopardy. Kid, I got bad news for you. I can't help you anymore. Oh, but you simply must. They're coming after me. Just go... Like you said, you wouldn't make them disappear. I wish I could, pal, but you see, I, uh, I've run out of ectoplasm. Oh, no. From now on, kid, you're strictly on your own. But what shall I do? Buster, perhaps if you give me the evidence on 10 grand Jackson, I could get it to the district attorney. He's attending the opera. Okay, now here's the dope. The girl who was murdered was... Chuchu Laverne, the fan dancer. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Now, when she threatened to spill the beans to the cops about 10 grand's counterfeiting, he hit her over the head with a beer bottle and choked her. I remember, beer bottle. She threatened to tell the police. Now, I saw a 10 grand carrying her out. Now, Chuchu Laverne's real name was Minnie Smith. Now, remember that, Edwin, Minnie Smith. And she hid the evidence she had on 10 grand in a safe deposit box under that name. Minnie Smith. Oh, Buster, I wish you could arrange to accompany me to, uh... Where did he go? What's that? I need him, kid. He's talking to somebody. Well, kid, if you get out of this one, you'll be a new man, and if you don't, I'll be seeing you. Buster, Buster, don't go. Come back, Buster. Come back. Buster! I'd like to take a photo here. Congratulations for the night's performance at window four. Take it, please, first aisle to the left. There, way to the right, madam. Oh, just a second, miss. Oh, please, I don't have a ticket, but you must let me in. Ah, that's impossible, miss. I've got to see the district attorney. Well, you'll have to take that up to the manager, right over there. Thank you. Take it, please, first aisle to the right. Second aisle to the... Take it, mister. Oh, I have no ticket. I haven't any money, but I simply must get in there. No, you know better than that. But there's somebody in there I have to see. And besides, look, they're after me. You're blocking the line. But you don't understand. I have to get in. Ellen! That's what it's down! No, Ellen, it is they. In all cases, the copulated verb takes the same case and the predicate is... Buster! Buster! This was becoming monotonous. I dashed to the street and fled into the first open door. It was the stage entrance into the opera house. I found an empty dressing room, put on a costume to disguise myself, and casually joined a group of singers backstage. The singers apparently had been waiting for someone. The moment they saw me, they lifted me to their shoulders and triumphantly bore me to the stage. Unfortunately, I had put on the costume in disguise of the baritone soloist. What madness was this? What strange poly? On stage was a rather stout soprano in the orchestra pit. The conductor frantically pointed his baton at us. Well, when you got a sing, you have to sing. I couldn't continue. I started off stage, but there in the wings stood Chimp and Torso. They couldn't shoot. The chorus stood between them and me. But if they couldn't shoot, I couldn't leave. Glancing up with there in the box, I saw Mr. O'Brien, the district attorney. Ellen was with him. Here was my opportunity to deliver Buster's message. Chimp and Torso were arrested. Ten grand Jackson was convicted. Buster was avenged in Ellen and I. No longer live at the YMCA. If you know what I mean. Edwin. Yes, darling. We've been married a whole hour now, Edwin. You know, I read in Martin's notes on American geology that the tremendous flow of water over Niagara Falls removes the subalubrile soil at the rate of two and three tenths feet a year. Subalubrile, that is. You know, honey, what you need is to get away from those musty old books. Subalubrile. And when that doesn't sound like you at all. Oh, I'm not going to be like me at all anymore, Subalubrile. I guess there'll always be a little bit of Subalubrile inside of me. Edwin, do you think you'll be dropping in on us for the rest of our lives? Oh, no, honey. I don't think we'll ever hear from Subalubrile again. No, stop, Edwin. But Ellen, I'm not doing anything. Edwin, you're tickling me. Oh, but that's what... I'm a little devil, ain't I? Buster Bleu and Edwin Dingell are merged into a life of harmony. We turn our spotlight on their arch impersonator, Danny Kay, who joins his leading lady, Miss Virginia Mayo, for a curtain call. Danny, how did you like playing twins? Oh, well, it sort of had me beside myself, Bill. Well, you and Virginia make a great team. And I know our audience is looking forward to your next co-starting picture for Sam Goldman. Have you seen the kid from Brooklyn, Mr. Keely? At the preview Tuesday, Virginia, enjoyed it immensely. Danny certainly knocks himself out of those fight routines, and that's no fun. But Danny, I didn't see you at the preview. No, I couldn't make it, Bill. I got tied up. You mean you missed your own picture, Danny? How come? Well, on the early afternoons, I have to wheel my baby brother Birdie in his baby-buggy. Oh, yeah? Yeah. This afternoon, I was willing to brother Birdie in his baby-buggy when the bumper of the baby-buggy behind bumped into Birdie's baby-buggy bumper. Well, when the rubber bumper bumped, the bumpy in the baby-bunger, so I had to un-bump the buggies and put the rubber back and Birdie's baby-buggy bumper. Well, well, just what was that again? Well... Again, what was it the first time? Mr. Bleu-bleu. You know, if I moved my mouth that fast, I'd be afraid I'd dislocate my face. And we'd never like anything to happen to that face, Virginia, or that lovely complexion. I'm safe in saying that it is a luxe complexion, aren't I? Indeed it is, Mr. Keery. I've used luxe soap without missing a day. It's a wonderful complexion care. And I'm sure that care was apparent when Sam Goldwyn picked you for the Golden Girl. Do you use luxe soap, Danny? Every Sunday night, I bathe my baby-brother Birdie in his rubber baby bath and let those luxe soap-suds soap baby-brother Birdie till he You mean baby-brother Birdie, boxy sabbatical ablutions about him being bathed with baby-brother Birdie's best-beloved brand of bath soap? Yes, I mean that baby-but... Oh, now, wait a minute, that's too much competition. Now, tell us what you're doing next week, Bill. Next Monday night, we bring to this stage an old favorite of the Luxe Radio Theater. Wallace Beery co-starred with Marjorie Mayne in Metro Golden Mayor's rollicking screen hit, Barnacle Bill. Wally appears as a lovable, lusty fisherman whose life is one of dubious adventure and whose story is mixed with sentiment and humor. Salt it heavily with the excitement of the waterfront. It ought to make a wonderful treat for your listeners, Mr. Keely. Good night. Good night, Bill. Good night. You are wonderful in wonder, man. Eight months ago, we celebrated peace. But there's one war that never ends, man's war against humanity's distress, against disaster, flood and famine, accident and suffering. We fight that war beneath the banner of the Red Cross, and it is up to all of us to share the burden. This month especially, give to your Red Cross. Give generously, no check you write, no dollar you contribute, should reward you with more satisfaction. Our sponsors, the makers of Luxe Toilet Soap, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday evening. When the Luxe Radio Theater presents Wally Beery remain in Bonnical Bell. This is William Keely, saying good night to you from Hollywood. This week, America salutes the motion picture industry and the stars of film and radio who gave their time and talent to the cause of victory. From the War and Navy Department, special plaques are being awarded, representing the thanks of millions of servicemen and women. They'll go not only to Hollywood screen stars for their personal efforts in the sale of war bonds, hospital appearances and overseas entertainment, but also to the motion picture studios in gratitude for millions of dollars worth of films donated for the entertainment of our fighting forces. Danny Kay can be heard in...