 What happened? You give everything to a man, but he seems like he only takes you for granted. You do everything to show him how much you really love him. But no matter what you do, no matter how much you show him that he loves, that you love him, he just doesn't seem to love you back the same way. Or even worse, maybe he starts to lose interest. He starts to lose his desire for you. And he starts pulling back. And it seems like no matter what you do, no matter how much you show him that you love him, no matter how much you give, improve to him or convince him or any of those things that you guys are right for each other, that you really love him, that you're giving him everything. It doesn't really matter. What's going on here? Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. Today I'm going to be talking about the dark truth about what makes a man fall in love. So I had this client not too long ago and her name's Sarah. And Sarah, she came to me because she was so confused about what was going on. She, over the last few years, she had seen all these different guys. She was kind of going in and out of these kind of friend with benefits, hook up type situationships. And for a while she couldn't even, she felt like she couldn't even get a second date from a guy. And then finally a guy came into her life and she really liked him. And they got along and everything was really great and passionate for the, I think it was about a month and a half, something like that. And then he started pulling away and she started kind of chasing after him, right? Telling him how much she likes him, calling him more often, connecting with him. She started telling him how much she loved him and all these things. She was, she was cooking him dinner. She was doing all this stuff, right? And she was trying to prove that she really loved him and she really believed in her mind that if she just showed him how much she cared, showed him how much she loved him, that he would love her back the same way in return. But no matter how much she did, it seemed like he kept pulling away and pulling away until eventually she got that call where he wanted to break up with her. And she was just completely confused because they weren't even committed. They weren't even in a real relationship. And he was breaking up with her. And so she came to me just to try to figure out what was going on, what's going on here. And it's a very common situation that I get with a lot of women that come to us. They come to me and they're just like, Hey, I've been doing all these things. I'm, I'm doing everything. And it's like he's slipping away or he disappeared or now he's gone. And one of the things that you have to realize about love with a man is that it's very, very counterintuitive for most people. Doing everything for him will never make him love you. That is not what makes him fall in love. Women who work with me, they know one thing very, very specific. And it's this, his investment in you is far more important than your investment in him. Him doing things, him showing you love, him doing all this stuff is far more likely to make him fall in love than if you're doing all those things for him. It's called the investment principle. And so what ended up happening with Sarah was that I ended up working with her and I worked with her mindset. I worked with her on this principle of an investment because it's so, so, so vitally important, especially in the initial stages of dating. Then what ended up happening with her was she ended up meeting another guy and he ended up falling head over heels in love with her, which was so kind of foreign to her because she had been through all these situations where she couldn't even get on second dates most of the time and guys were pulling away and then all of a sudden this guy was falling in love with her. But she realized that he wasn't really the right guy for her because he was flipping the whole script got flipped, right? You don't want any time where somebody is, you know, doing everything, you don't want that, right? There's one side where you're doing everything. And so you're totally in love, because you're investing in him. And so you're getting more attached and you're, you're justifying why you really like him. And then there's the flip side where the guy is doing everything. And and he's falling in love. But you're kind of not really that attached, not really all that into him. But he's falling in love and getting attached and rationalizing why he likes you so much. And you really want something in the middle ground, right? You want something in the middle. And because it's that middle ground that keeps you both connected to each other and both really in love with each other. And so what ended up happening actually eventually with Sarah, was that her ex ended up contacting her back. And they it was really interesting because the whole dynamic of their relationship completely switched after she started using these principles. And what ended up happening was right right now, it's it's only been a few weeks since this ended up happening. But right now what they're in, her and her ex are in is this situation where there's a strong pole, right? There's a strong dynamic where they're both really into each other, because they're both she was already invested, she was already attached. And he came in, and he started investing, he started doing all these things. And so she so he ended up starting to like her and he was like, wow, there's something really different about you this, you know, like, I don't know, I felt this way before, but I don't know, things are different now. And so we'll see how things end up playing out with her. But it looks a lot, lot better from the standpoint of where she is right now, because he's investing, she's not doing all the investing, she's not trying to prove to him, she's not trying to convince him all those different things. And so how do you get into a situation like this? This is the real question, right? So how do you connect with a guy in a situation like this where he falls in love, he invests, he gets attached, he starts chasing, he really likes you a whole lot. And he allows himself to fall in love and wants a committed relationship, wants something real, wants to create a real relationship with you in this age when everybody's just hooking up and hanging out and doing all these things together, that aren't real relationships. So how do you do this? So let's talk about it. The number one way, the number one most important thing to do is something that we talk about, we've talked about before, I've talked about on here before. And it's this concept of leaning back. By the way, if you're here with us right now, say hi in the chat and let us know where in the world you're watching it from. It's so cool to see women from all over the world watching these, these live streams. And so leaning back is a concept that I talk about in great detail in another video, it's called how to how to lean back and get a guy to chase you. But really leaning back is about it's about allowing somebody to put in effort, right, especially in the initial phases, what usually happens with women is the guy will start pursuing her, and he'll invest a little bit or a bunch depending on the woman. And then what ends up happening is that after a while, the woman starts getting attached. And then she starts doing a bunch of things and the dynamic flips. And so what ends up happening is the guy starts leaning back, and the woman starts doing everything. And so she gets more attached. And he starts pulling away and starts losing interest and all these things. Because the more effort that you put into someone, the more you invest in someone, this absolutely key. So if you're hearing this right now, what you need to do is take this principle that I'm about to tell you and circle it, write it down, circle it, put a star next to it, put some smiley faces next to it, put it on your wall because it's this important. The more effort and investment that somebody puts in, the more that they will value the other person. And the more that somebody values the person, the more likely they are to fall in love, the more likely they are to feel like that person is special and different and interesting and unique and amazing and somebody that they could be with and they're more likely to forget about all your red flags that you have and they don't care that you fart in your sleep. And they just absolutely love you. They love that you, you have a bunch of, you know, stuffed animals, even though you're, you know, 40 years old, they don't care about all that, right? Because they start valuing more, you more, the more effort, the more investment that they put into you. And so you want them to start investing in you. And so what does this even look like? What this looks like is we're going to be talking about three different types of investment that's really important and how it happens, right? How does this work? So the first one is the investment of conversation. And this one's really important, especially if you're in the initial dating phases, just the initial dating phases, maybe it's the first or second or third or fourth time that you're hanging out with a guy. What you want to do, what you want him to do is do a lot of the talking. You want him to do as much of the talking as you can get him to do of the talking because he will start investing. He will feel heard. He will feel like he's connecting with you. It's kind of a paradox that that's out there where if you start talking and speaking and doing all this stuff with somebody else, you feel like you're connected, right? And if the other person isn't, they're less likely to feel like they're connected unless there's other things going on, right? Like emotional investment and stuff like that. And so how do you get him to talk? How do you get him to talk? What do you get him to talk about? What is this? What is this investment of conversation? One, it is asking open ended questions, right? So this isn't a lot of times women come to me and they make this mistake specifically in texting. I talk about this a lot in my irresistible text program. Send a text message that's worth responding to, right? That's what you want to do because if you're just saying a statement, if you're just saying something, if you're just throwing something out there, I see this with women all the time, they'll just say something and they're like, well, he didn't respond to it and it's like, well, was there a question attached to it? Does he know that he's supposed to respond to it? Remember, women are not men. Women are not men and they act differently than women do. And if you get that and you're okay with accepting men as men, as whoever they are, then you can come from this standpoint of, you know, maybe, maybe if he's really talkative, he'll just pick up the conversation and start talking. However, if he's not one of those kinds of guys, you want to ask him open-ended questions, ask him questions and what do you want to talk to him about? Specifically, you want to talk to him about his passions. Ask him questions about his passions. What does he love to do? What's he interested in? Here's a really great question. What is life about for you, right? What is the most important thing to you in life? Or you could say, what is life about? Right? Any of those kinds of things, he'll start talking to you about things to him that are the most important and you just want to get curious about it and just keep asking him questions and veer off on it and talk to him about that and then ask him another question and just get him talking because that will be some of the initial investment that you want him to start making in your situation that you're in. So, the second one is an investment of time and so an investment of time is something like he's thinking about you, he's spending time with you, he's doing something with you or for you or whatever, right? He's spending time with you in mind and the more that he spends his time with you in his mind, the more that he'll justify and rationalize and start moving towards you. There's something out there called the reticular activating system and it's this thing in your mind it's one of those things for instance I used to have a jeep and I had no idea how many jeeps were out there. I just thought jeeps were cool and I went and bought a jeep. After I bought this jeep there's this thing called a jeep wave where if you're driving past another jeep you wave at them. Well, I had no idea that there are jeeps everywhere. I'm like driving this jeep in Colorado and it's I mean literally if I went on like a 45-minute drive or something I'd you know I'd wave to like 50-60 people that are also in jeeps where you're just like hey hey you know it used to be really cool when there wasn't a whole lot of jeeps and now it's like you want to get like a you know a hand that's like waving automatically for you so you don't have to do it every single time you see a jeep but it's it's that that's the whole thing right the more you think like as soon as you you decide that you're going to buy something or you do buy something or you get involved in something and you're thinking about something a lot all of a sudden you start seeing it more often you start you start wanting it more you start wanting to be a part of it and so you want him to think about you as much as possible and then the the next one the third type of investment here is an investment of energy and so you want him to do things for you you want him to go and see you you want him to pick up things you want him to do little favors right help you out whenever whenever he can right if you guys have been it's better to if maybe you guys have been seeing each other for a little bit and you're like hey can you pick up this from the store can you do this can you help me with this right just different things right men love to help women they love I mean it just makes them feel like you know I'm coming in to help right and so they get they puff their chest out and they're like you need some help ma'am I will come and help you right and so they come and run over and help and it actually makes them more invested in you the more that they help you and so you want him to help you whenever he you get the chance you want him to move long distances to see you you want him to initiate contact you want him to take risks and do things to help you and for you because the more that he does that the more he'll rationalize in his mind how much he really likes you and how much he thinks about you and so my suggestion is that you do that kind of stuff as much as you possibly can and so if you're here with us right now and uh you you get what I'm talking about here say I get it in the comment section and if you don't get what I'm talking about go ahead and ask a question and at the end of the video I will answer all the questions that I can get to and so investment of energy the third the fourth one is an investment of emotion and so how does an investment of emotion work how do you create that with a man this is really the most important thing is creating a positive association to you and and some and to some extent it's not even just positive it's taking him through a range of emotions I call this the emotional range principle and basically what is happening here is you want him to feel different types of emotions around you and there's a whole bunch of different ways that you can do this you can just be and do events that make him feel different emotions like let's say that you go and try something new that you've never done before like let's say that you go out and learn swing dancing and he's never swing dance before he's going to feel a whole bunch of different emotions from swing dancing hopefully overall it's a positive experience because you want him to feel a positive emotional connection with you and so you want a lot of positive things to happen and we you know I could sit here and talk for hours about how to create a positive emotional connection but the point is is that you want him to experience emotion other ways is one of the best ways to do this is to ask questions right because whatever you focus on you feel and so if you want to change his focus the fastest and easiest way to do that is to ask him questions just ask him questions about you know things that are going on in his life what's he was he excited about what's you know what's going on with him you know what's he afraid of what's you know just different things right just find different emotions like you know do you ever get sad about anything right and as soon as you ask him a question he if he can find a time in his life through his mind where he experienced that what's going to end up happening is he will relive it to a certain extent in the the deeper that he relives it the more that he will feel that emotion and the more emotions that he feels around you the more connected he will be to you and the the deeper he will be willing to fall in love another one is sharing vulnerabilities and you want to start out really sometimes i have women that are like they just want to like you know vulnerabilities onto a guy and you don't want to do that you want to start out really kind of on a surface level and just talk about things that maybe you're a little bit embarrassed of or you do that's kind of nerdy or stupid or whatever but you like being a nerd and all that kind of stuff and then ask him if he's you know kind of nerdy in any way or he has anything going on with him right and just connect with him on light vulnerabilities eventually at some point you'll probably talk about more deeper vulnerabilities where you guys can connect with each other through that and that's really really powerful as well and that's really what you want to do and so what do you do after he starts investing to make sure that he's investing more and doing more and by the way this isn't like his investment isn't a full foolproof plan right like there are other things that are going on that may prevent him from being willing to fall in love for instance let's say that he is investing in you naturally he'll want to connect with you more and want to fall in love and want to do all these things however he may have insecurities because guys have just as many insecurities as women have and we're just typically better at pretending like we don't and so he might have issues from his past he might be hurt from his past he might have insecurities he might have all these kinds of things that when this feeling of falling in love gets triggered he might go oh this is time to run or time to bail or you know i'm not gonna let myself i'm not gonna let myself get emotional about this right and and whatever and so you have to have a guy that's that's willing to connect willing to open up sometimes i get women that are like you know i've got this guy and he's not ready for a relationship because he you know has emotional trauma from his past and so he's not willing to get deep or he's not willing to commit or any of those kinds of things and you have to decide it's one of those things if don't determine who you date just because you have feelings for them like or just because his potential is really great you want a guy who's who's willing to step up which is why it's so important that you follow the abundance principle and have options of men and make sure that men are chasing you and all that kind of stuff okay so if he starts investing in you how do you make sure that he continues to invest in you and continues to to go deeper down this line of falling in love and and commitment and proving to you that he's the right man for you what you want to do is you want to reward him for anytime where he invests anytime where he puts an effort anytime where he's chasing you you want to reward him for that so if he's in investing in you if he's doing things he's going out of his way he's paying for things he's doing all this stuff you want to reward him for that behavior so if he does something what you want to do is tell him that you like it or tell him that it's attractive to you or tell him it's sexy or hot or that you really liked it or you feel really protected or taken care of or any of the things that make a guy feel goosebumps down the back of his spine right when you tell him those things because that will make him feel like he wants to continue doing that because he wants to be validated by you he wants to be loved by you he wants to be feel like he's really attractive to you like he's better than any of the other men that you've ever dated in your life and so he wants to feel special and unique and different and awesome just like you do just like we all do you all want to feel like we're special and unique and different and so you want to reward that behavior whenever you have a chance and then the last thing here that we're really going to be talking about is believing in your own value because if you don't believe in your own value it doesn't matter how much he invests in you and does matter what he does all that kind of stuff because you won't feel like you're really worth it and you will end up kind of subconsciously sabotaging it not because your your your mind is wanting you to sabotage it or anything like that but because we all have a comfortable place right we all we we all have an identity of who we are and what we're capable of and what we're capable of having and so a lot of times if somebody is really amazing and they come into our life but we don't believe that we're enough we don't believe that we're really deserving of love we don't believe that we're really all that valuable we might end up pushing them out of our lives so that we can hold on to this belief that we have even though we have this great thing in front of us and so you have to make sure that you're doing healing work you have to make sure that you really believe in your value let me ask you a question real quick what's the difference between a woman who believes that she's valuable and a woman who doesn't the biggest difference is that a woman who doesn't really believe that she's valuable will end up settling for situations and men and scenarios that aren't really what she deserves they aren't really what she really wants and so she'll settle for all these horrible situations whereas a woman who really believes in her value who really believes that she deserves the best in life who believes that she deserves to be loved who believes that she deserves to be chased that she she deserves to have an amazing man who treats her really really well when a guy comes in and he's not investing he's not treating her right he's just looking for a hooked up he's confused and doesn't know what's going on and i don't know what's in as soon as you talk about relationships he runs away he's like right if a woman believes in her value and she talks about these things and those things happen with a guy she's like okay bye i'm gonna go find somebody who's gonna treat me right i'm not gonna settle for anything less than what i absolutely deserve and that's what the difference is a woman who doesn't believe that she's valuable will settle she will settle she will get into bad situations she will fall in love with guys who have who already told her that he's not going to commit to her he'll she'll she'll get into just these horrible horrible situations and a woman who believes in her value will only get into a great situation with a great guy and that's why it's so vitally important that you start with believing that you deserve to have a great relationship in your life you believe that you deserve to be valued just imagine what it would be like if you you absolutely knew that you deserved to have the absolute best in your life that you weren't going to settle for anything else that you can imagine this amazing guy that that comes into your life that's that's awesome that's high value that treats you really really well and he's he's just he can't stop thinking about you he leaves you little notes he contacts you all the time he initiates contact with you all the time he sweeps you off your feet and he wants to really be with you he's not afraid of talking about commitment and relationships and being in a great relationship with you just imagine that just feel it just experience it just know it just imagine yourself allowing that kind of a great man to come into your life all right so let's let's get back to the questions here so what do we have hello hello hello hello so we're going to be asking a couple of questions here first question that i want you to answer in the comment section is this should a man always pay for the date tell me what your thoughts are right now in the comment section should a man always pay for a date let me know what you think so hello everybody shola celli lianna lots of people from all over the place doors chingun ricky trish all over all over the place we've got women all over the place so monica says do you lean back even when a man is emotionally damaged and needs to see she is really there for him well it depends it depends right first monica you need to question whether this is really the situation that you want to get into because if he is emotionally damaged you showing him that you're there for him you're really there for him might not really do a whole lot for him it might do it temporarily but he needs to heal himself he needs to fix whatever is going on in his mind and come from a place where he's feeling healed and whole and strong and powerful do you really want a man who's like so messed up that he's like i don't you know you know here's the thing right whatever his beliefs are whatever is going on in his mind has shifted from being damaged and so if he's damaged he's going to damage you he's going to damage your relationship he's going to damage everything that's going on with you and you come on and you're like oh wounded bird thing right wounded bird syndrome this is what i call it when you come in you're like oh there's a bird and he's like but his wing is it's a little broken right this wing is great but this wing is a little bit broken you want to take him in and nurse him to health and fix his little broken wing and make him feel all better but the problem is is that what you're probably going to be actually doing here is you're probably just going to be enabling him and so instead of getting better and healing and getting stronger and getting to a place where he's whole and powerful and ready to lead the relationship that you want to have instead he's distant and emotionally unavailable and he runs away from problems and he's you know attacking you when you're trying to help him and all these other things right and so you need to decide you need to figure out in your mind whether this is really the guy that you want to be with or not and my suggestion is that you think about that a lot and make sure that you're coming into this situation from a world of abundance right when you when you're stuck on one dude when there's just one dude that you're dating you're in a world of scarcity and it's all about that guy and if things don't work out with him then it can devastate you if he doesn't contact you back if things aren't going great if whatever it can devastate you you end up getting attached a lot easier and so you want to come from a world of abundance a world where you have a lot of different options that way when you are in a situation you you look at it from more of a logical standpoint you go is this a situation that I really want to get into and if not then you might want to question him right do you want to lean back you want him to invest in you that's what you want that's what you want Monica I hope that helped do she says nice saying and explanation well I'm I'm glad that you understand that Anna says so we don't have to do anything well remember remember he falls in love because of the amount of effort and energy and investment that he puts into you so no I mean you don't necessarily have to do anything theoretically you can lead it along which is what we were talking about you're kind of guiding him along you're like you know you're you're creating a line in the sand you're opening a space for him to walk through and you're like this is the direction right you're shining you're shining a light on where you want to go and you allow him to take you there but no you don't necessarily have to do anything relationships though are built together so remember it's not you don't ever want it to be a one-sided thing you want it to be a thing where you come together and you build that relationship together but until you are in a committed relationship you want him to do most of the investing you want him to be doing most of the effort you want him to be more attached and more in love with you and and feel like you are just this amazing valuable awesome woman you want him to feel more that way with you than you are with him that way he continues to pursue you he continues to do all these things and he moves that relationship in that direction instead of pulling back and losing interest and deciding that you're not the right one for him and you're doing everything and getting more attached and all that kind of stuff right so you want him to do that so marge says will that still be possible if he already invested and then just pull away for whatever reason so with pulling away what you want to do it depends on what you mean by pulling away because we have women in here who will be like this guy we have women sometimes that are like this guy ghosts me every single week right he he disappears for five days and he ghosts me and then he comes back and he starts talking to me by the way if a guy ghosts you that's not what ghosting is ghosting is he leaves and never comes back and doesn't matter what you send to him he doesn't respond that's that's what ghosting is right so it depends on what you think pulling back is right so if you're talking about like we had a woman on here not it was not too long goes a couple months ago where she was from brazil and she's like she's like this guy pulls away from me every single day right and i'm like well what does that mean and she's like well he he like talks to me all day and then around six o'clock he disappears and then he doesn't talk to me again until the next day and i'm like oh so you know he like what eats dinner and goes to bed see pulling away it kind of depends on what you mean by pulling away but generally speaking you want to let him pull away don't chase after him don't start contacting him don't start proving things to him if he's pulling away absolutely you want to continue to lean back and let him come back to you and if he doesn't come back to you he's pulling himself out of the running which is why you need to be in a world of abundance being a world of abundance i think that's what we're going to be singing about that's what we're going to sing about today is the world of abundance maria says sadly my relationship is just physical and no commitments how do i get him to change his mind to commit so first off never do that again never ever and i suggest this to every women all the time and they always come to me and they're like well i don't get attached to a man when we end up hooking up so it's fine with me and then a couple months later they're like matt this man that i've been hooking up with he's he's not committing he's so confused and so you don't ever want to put your first off you don't want to put yourself in that situation but you're like but matt i'm already in the situation what do i do now and so what you want to do is make him feel like he's scared of losing you and so first thing that you want to do is what we've been talking about in here with the whole leaning back thing where you start kind of pulling back from the situation you want to stop hooking up with him stop having sex with him start connecting with him one of the fastest ways to do it is is to break the pattern right so we all live in patterns everything's a pattern right now you're in a hookup pattern right as we call it a situation ship you're in a hookup casual friend with benefits situation ship and you want to break that pattern the fastest way to break that pattern is to change the dynamic of the relationship and so what you want to do is start hanging out with him without hooking up at all and so you want to put yourself into situations where you're not hooking up but you're hanging out and you want him to start taking you out on dates and you want him to start doing all these things and the best way to do that is to change your standards you need to change your standards for what you want in your life and so here's what i recommend that you do number one start seeing other people start seeing other people don't sleep with any of them but start seeing other people that way you start kind of losing your attachment to him two is start losing your attachment to him by doing other things in your life have other things going on in your life start pulling away a little bit with him and what's going on step three is that you want to stop hooking up with him and start asking him that if he takes you out to take you out to somewhere on a date and to stop hooking up with you and what that will do is that will break the pattern and it makes make him start feeling like you're pulling away and he's losing you and so he'll need to start stepping things up in order to be with you and if you want to kind of break the pattern a little bit slow more slowly you can do that as well where it's not that you just totally stop hooking up with him completely although i do recommend that but instead what you do is you only hook up with him every other time that you hang out with him or something like that and then at some point what you're going to want to do is you're going to want to let him know that if he doesn't step up and that if he doesn't go for the kind of the relationship that you want a committed relationship a relationship where you guys are in it together that he's going to lose you forever and so i talk about this in detail and great detail in my program called the devotion switch you can get it at commitmentconnection.com forward slash devotion and it's a really really great program my suggestion is that you go and check that one out i hope that helps you but that's what you want to do you want to get leverage on him you want to get leverage this is the tony robbins leverage thing you want to get leverage on him right and that's how you get leverage is that you start dating other guys you start pulling back and you break the pattern cat arena says your lessons must be compulsory subjects at school and not only for girls yeah there's a lot of stuff that that should be mandatory lessons at school that aren't arena says does investment mean any type of investment yeah you want him to invest in as many ways as possible i only talked about what like four four different ways for him to invest but there's really there's probably 10 or 15 different ways that he can invest i talk more about investment in the forever woman program and in the devotion switch program and you can go and check those out if you're really interested in learning more about those anna says by not hooking up too soon yeah you don't want to hook up too soon because really what happens in a situation in a relationship or in a dating scenario is that you really have most of the power to begin with and the man is kind of chasing that right he's chasing the sex right they say that men uh use men need to have sex in order to feel love which isn't true and that women need to feel love in order to have sex well what's really going on is a man is usually chasing that hookup right and the woman is usually trying to find the love and uh you know obviously that's not completely true in every scenario but generally speaking that's that's fairly accurate and so you want him to invest and learn and connect and fall in love before he you want him to have a deep emotional connection with you before you guys end up hooking up and the longer that you can kind of draw it out and the more commitment that he has like there's a commitment ladder that exists right and the first one is like him actually coming out and seeing you and doing things and doing things for you and all that kind of stuff and there's like this world of exclusivity which by the way exclusivity is not a relationship we get women all the time that come in and they're like hey i'm exclusive with this guy and i found out that he's been seeing other women well what exclusivity means is that you're not hooking up with other people it what it what it doesn't mean is that it doesn't mean that he's not still looking for other prospects he's not still you know dating other people he's not still meeting other women he's not still talking to other women he's not still thinking about other women it just means that he's not hooking up with other women and so you don't want to settle for exclusivity because that will get you into a really really bad situation especially if you think that exclusivity means a relationship what you want is a commitment a commitment is when a man looks at you in the eyes and he says to you you're the only one i want it's just you and and nobody else i don't want any other women and i am in this i am in this with you and i will do whatever it takes to make this relationship stay a relationship and that's what you want you want a commitment you don't want to exclusivity exclusivity is just i'm not hooking up with other people it's still dating everything before commitment is still dating that's what you're doing before commitment is you're still just dating each other and what dating means is that he can see other women he can talk to other women he can think about other women he can plan his escape from you when he finds somebody that he thinks is more valuable or better or special or whatever which is why you don't want to hook up with him until he is set on you and moving towards you and he wants you and he desires you and he wants to be in a real relationship with you that is what you want and if you want to know the most powerful way to get there check out my program at commitmentconnection.com forward slash devotion it's called the devotion switch hi ruth hi birdie hi melody hi amy hi mandy mandy says my friend got me to listen to you and you're awesome great advice well thank you i appreciate you being here mandy and i'm i'm so honored to be able to serve all these women and help so many women it's it's so cool like i can't tell you how awesome it is to to have women that are in my community that i've been working with come to me and tell me that they're in committed relationships when they felt like that there was they had no way to get a guy when women are confused or stuck or you know suddenly they're getting married and they they never thought it was going to happen for them or or they're in a marriage and it was falling apart and they put their marriage back together using the tools that i they gave them there's nothing more satisfying and gratifying in my life and so i just absolutely love this work and i'm very grateful to be here with you guys so sm says hi i appreciate your wise advice thank you i'm glad you're here hi tina so kambu singhia says okay is it okay for me to start asking equations before his attention to me so what are you like writing writing math equations on a board you're like what is this equation that's actually a really really great way to figure out if he's smart or not i'm guessing that you're asking about questions and so yeah you want to ask him questions you want to get him to start investing to start talking to start to start giving to start putting effort into the scenario and into you and into what's going on absolutely you can start that out from the beginning detri says that he hardly does crap well sounds like you're in a bad situation right now detri and you need to flip things around you need to flip it all around that's what you should be doing is flipping it all around or you should be getting into a better situation right if you if you came from a place detri where you are like i deserve something absolutely amazing something absolutely awesome i deserve just the best in life you wouldn't be settling for a guy who doesn't do anything and so my suggestion is to start thinking about yourself as a woman who's really high value a woman who who deserves everything that she wants in her life a woman who deserves a man who's willing to put in the effort and energy to to be in a great relationship with you to be in a 10 10 relationship with you and when you come from that space and you're coming from this mindset of i deserve the best what would you do what would you do in your scenario i guarantee it's not just allow him to keep not doing anything i guarantee that and instead you're either going to one set some new standards with him two you're going or you're going to you know walk away from the scenario and go next who's out there who who wants to have a great and amazing relationship because there are plenty of men who want that that are out there but you have to believe that you deserve it you have to believe that you're valuable you have to believe that you're worth it you're worth it you're worth getting into a relationship like that that you deserve to have a man who loves you and cherishes you and thinks that you're the most special amazing beautiful gorgeous man a woman in the world right you want a man who thinks about you all the time and and wants to do special things for you wants to wants to please you wants to make you happy wants to wants to say sweet things to you wants to cherish you wants to protect you and love you and provide for you and and hold you in his arms and tell you that that he'll do anything for you and and just own you and and and just be there for you that's what you want you want a great masculine strong man who's going to take the leadership role in the relationship and create something absolutely amazing with you and if you're coming from that space you're not going to settle for a guy who's not doing anything you're not going to settle for it and so that's my suggestion is that you start there lots of people get it Jamaica Casey all right another question for you here another question let me let me ask you this question what is what's the question what's the next question what's something that you're grateful for today what's something that you're absolutely grateful for remember whatever you focus on you feel whatever you feel you receive and so focus on the great things that are going on in your life focus on what you have and what what you want more of focus on the blessed life that you have the the the heart that was given to you that's beating the the life that you have the ability to eat the ability to live the the people that are in your life that love you that you love what are you grateful for today what are you grateful for today do do do do do Eleanor Nicole McCrena hello hello hello Anna says where is he the answer is that he's out there and he's looking for you he's looking for you you have to be open and willing to receive him willing to connect with him willing to let him find you he's out there and he's coming and he will find you if you're open but if you're not if you don't believe in your value if you don't believe that he's out there if you have a bunch of beliefs that say that men aren't really good or that men just want to hook up or all that kind of stuff or you end up getting into a friend with benefits situation with a guy who is very clear that he doesn't want anything with you then it doesn't matter if he's out there or not he's not going to find you and so you need to be in a situation where you're open and willing to and believe that you deserve something great with a great man so Natalia says hi Matt greetings from Poland hey I was just in Gdansk for a while she says I have an issue with differentiating the right amount of leaning back at the very early stages and leaning back too much can you please talk more about the difference yeah so you know we talked to I talked a little bit about rewarding a man well there's another there's a another principle that I talk about and it's uh the the attainability principle and the attainability principle is the principle that a lot of women forget about and ignore and don't think about it all and instead they think about leaning back right then there's a bunch of bad coaches out there that'll tell you a bunch of junk about leaning back like you should never initiate you should never show a man interest all that nonsense that is wrong instead you want to show a man interest you want to lead him on you want him to make him feel like he can win with you one of the biggest problems that women have with leaning back is they will lean back too much and then the guy doesn't think that they're interested a lot of times I'll have women come to me and they're like you know uh guys never contact me back or guys never go on second dates with me or whatever right and they're like guys are ghosting me and I'm like well let's take an experiment let's just do an experiment the guy ghosted you you know he's not even contacting you anymore so let's let's just try something real quick let's just try something and so what we do is we send guys that have ghosted her text messages we send every single dude the exact same text message and if you want that text message is at the foreverwomanformula.com it's a forward text message and she sends these guys those text messages and what ends up happening a lot of times is the guy will start talking to her again and sometimes the guy just wasn't really interested or whatever but a lot of times what ends up happening because I'll have her ask questions just for her own education and for her to learn about what's actually going on and a lot of times the guy will say I didn't think that you even liked me at all right because she was leaning so far back that she wasn't doing any initiating she wasn't talking to him she wasn't showing him interest you know all that kind of stuff you want to show him some interest and then you want to pull back right you're showing him interest and then you're pulling back you're you're giving him you're you're dangling the carrots and he's coming forward and then you're pulling back and letting him do things right that's that's where they get the term chasing right you're doing something and then you're pulling back and you're letting him follow you and chase you and invest in you and pursue you and do all that kind of stuff and so that's what you want to do is you want to make sure that he knows that you like him because if he doesn't know that you like him then he's likely to stop pursuing you you don't want to go to either extreme right there's one extreme where you're doing everything and you're just like hey I love you and let me tell you everything about how much I love you even though I've only known you for two weeks and let's get exclusive even though it's been one date and all this other stuff right you don't want to do any of that at the same time though you don't want to be so leaning so far back that he doesn't even know that you like you that you like him because most guys are scared out of their minds of getting put into the friend zone and with most women they end up in the friend zone and so you don't want him to think that he's going to end up in the friend zone with you and so you want to make sure that he he knows that there's a romantic sexual interest there that you lead him on even if you're there's a woman the other day that was like no hooking up before marriage right no sex before marriage and and you know you know whatever right that whole thing and and that's fine right that's totally fine if that you're one of those people because it's not a whole lot different than uh you know sex be not no sex before commitment or no sex before being exclusive or whatever right it's not it's not I mean it's it's just a bigger degree right I have a buddy right now who who doesn't want to hook up with women at all and he's dating women and he's he's looking to get married and he doesn't want to hook up before marriage he doesn't want sex before marriage he's strong Catholic man and that's you know that's there there's a lot of guys out there and there are a lot of women out there that are like that and you know so uh but it doesn't matter right you you still want to lead him on you still want him to feel like you want a romantic relationship with him and lead him on in that way so that he keeps pursuing that because it's it's that that belief that he can get you and that he wants you and that he wants to have a romantic relationship with you that triggers his biological drive that makes him pursue you and so you want that to always be on the table you want it to always be on the always you want there to be always on the table I don't know what voice that was always on the table uh so Sarah says hello I've been trying these techniques and I can't seem to get him to come around should I just give up well you know one of the concerns that I have Sarah is that you're talking about one dude you're like I've been trying these techniques and I can't seem to get him to come around well if he's not coming around at all I mean that you you can't one side of one-sided relationship a one-sided situation where you're doing everything you're trying to get everything and all that kind of stuff is a situation that will absolutely mentally and emotionally destroy you and so my suggestion is that you stay away from those kinds of situations you start dating other people you get connected with other guys and you you put it on the table you let him know that you're interested but that he needs to start doing some stuff because if he doesn't then you're just gonna your heart's going to be destroyed your life is going to be destroyed everything is going to be destroyed and if you're coming from a place where you believe that you deserve a great guy who treats you really well then you know what are you doing hanging out with this dude that's not coming around whatever that means which i'm guessing i mean it could be all kinds of different things right i had a woman that was talking about me coming around right she's like some woman in our in our community who was like sending me these these uh these messages over and over and over and she's like when are you gonna come around and i'm like i hadn't even i've never even talked to her i had no idea she was even messaging me i just looked into my instagram chats at one point in time and she had like months worth of messages that she had been sending me acting like we were in a relationship of some kind she's like oh this is so hard to do you don't want to be in a situation like that you don't want to be in a situation like that right you want to be in a situation where a guy is responding to you and connecting with you and coming around and you know you could just be saying that he's not putting in a lot of effort too right that's another scenario that maybe you're talking about i'm talking about kind of extreme scenarios here but either way you want a relationship where a guy's investing and he's connecting and he wants something real with you and you want to believe in your own value enough to the standpoint where you're like i'm not going to get into a situation that's that's anything less than what i deserve and so my suggestion is that you make sure that you're getting into an absolute amazing situation because that's what you know in your heart that you deserve so if again if you if you guys if you want to be in a amazing committed relationship with a great guy who loves you and sees you and cherishes you and absolutely adores you and pursues you and does everything and looks at you in the eyes and he's like i love you i want to be with you you're the one for me let's do this i'm all in and i don't want any other woman if you want a man that's like that my suggestion is that you pick up a copy of the forever woman formula at the forever woman formula dot com go watch the video there decide whether it's right for you you can get the program for free for signing up for a 14 day free trial of ours and you can just go check it out you can get my whole program for free and it's great and lots of women have used it to to get into to get married to fix their marriages to turn things around for themselves when they're single and end up getting into a great relationship with an amazing man having choice having choice in their relationships that's what you want to do you want to have a choice of men and so i suggest that you pick that up i've got to get going i'm in croatia right now and it's almost 1 a.m so i need to get going to bed and i will speak with everybody very soon so thank you so much for being here with me it is an absolute honor for me to be working with you and i hope that this has helped and i will speak with you again soon and always remember you are worth it