 The Craft Foods Company, makers of Parquet Margarine, presents Willard Waterman as the great Yildus Lee. He was brought to you, transcribed by the Craft Foods Company. If you've been serving crafts parquet margarine at your house, here's something I think you'd like to know. You're enjoying America's favorite margarine. Last year, more families bought parquet margarine than any other brand. And here's the reason. Parquet looks wonderful, tastes wonderful, and spreads smoothly even when ice cold. This year, the Craft Folks want to make even more friends for parquet. In a few minutes, you'll hear about a real bargain for users of delicious parquet margarine. The great Yildus Lee feels that he's done a pretty good job these last dozen years as summer feels water commissioner, and he's quite content with his office. Except perhaps for the fact that he has never known exactly just how highly his boss, the mayor, regards him. You water department, Commissioner Yildus Lee speaking. Yildus Lee, Mayor Twilliger. Oh, good morning, Your Honor. How are you this morning? Fine, thank you. Yildus Lee, Mayor... How's Mrs. Twilliger? Very well. Yildus Lee, Mayor... Yeah, how's your son? He's all right. Yildus Lee, Mayor... Yildus Lee, I thought I... Yeah, I haven't seen him around city hall lately. Fine, boy. Yildus Lee, let me finish. Stop asking about my family on city time. Oh, I beg your pardon, Your Honor. You wanted something? I'm going to see if you're in. Yes, indeed. Right on the job. I want to step across the hall to see you for a moment. Well, I'll be here. I'll be down. I'll be what? Oop, you hung up. I wonder why he's coming over here. He usually calls me into his office. Yeah, it could be. This is natural impatience. I'd better straighten up my desk. No, why don't I mess it up a little more? Look, busy. Yildus Lee? You're in here at my desk, Mr. Mayor. What's happened to your desk? Why don't you straighten it up? You're just getting around to that. Yildus Lee, I've always been very frank in my criticisms of my subordinates. Here it comes. What a difficult man. But I'm just as ready to pass along a compliment when I have the opportunity. Compliment? Well, sit down, your honor. Oh, no, no, no, no. I just came in to tell you we've had several letters from residents of that new Ferndale subdivision praising your work. Well, I spent a lot of time out there since we put in the water maintenance. It's paid off in goodwill toward the city. Nice. The people out there tell me that you followed through after the installation job to see if the department could be of any further service. Yeah. Oh, that's good work, Yildus Lee. These people are in the city limits. They're all voters. Hehehehe. Well, congratulations on a job well done. Yeah, thank you, sir. Goodbye, Yildus Lee. Goodbye. Oh, what a fine fellow. I feel so good I thought I'd take the rest of the day off. My, my. May I know about this? Well, in a way, he gave me the idea. He suggested you quit. Hehehehe. On the contrary, he just paid me a very high compliment. You don't change. Phoebe, do you know your water commissioner is beginning to get fan mail? Did you say fan mail or fan mail? You heard me. People are writing letters to the mayor complimenting me. Well, I don't think so. Somebody should say something nice about you. Well, the public is usually indifferent until a man is outstanding in his job. Yeah, this could be the beginning of a wave of public acclaim. I may be forced to move on to a bigger job. How's that? You remember the motto that's on the Water Department calendar this year? No, but I remember you're pretty girl, aren't you? Oh, my goodness. He was picking pitches. Phoebe, the important thing is what the motto said. You look at what you think is important, and I look at the pitch-picking pitches. Phoebe, listen to me. The motto says there is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. That could apply to me. Are you leaving on the outgoing tide? All right, have your fun. But I could be your senator someday. It's just possible I might use the Water Department as a springboard to the top. And just be sure it isn't a diving board to the bottom. Yes, yes. I'm a little skeptical about my political future, but some people just can't think big. Of course, everybody doesn't have as big a head as I have. Hello, everybody. I'm home. Is that important mail today, Bertie? Oh, yes. You've got to notice a parent-teacher's association. Oh, some very interesting letters have been coming to the city hall lately. People parented taxes? There were just complimentary letters sent to the mayor about me, Bertie. Ain't that nice. Hello, Leroy. Yes, Bertie, those letters inspire me to heed the call. Yes. What call? This just may be the year to make my big move. Where are we moving? Well, it isn't for me to say. That's up to the people. What people? There are some who'd like to see me out of the water department. I know that, but stick up your rights on it. Oh, my goodness. I mean, there are people who'd like to see me in some high political job. Yes. People who've indicated I'm ready for it. I'd like to quit school, too, but nobody's indicated I'm ready for it. Oh. Here's that TCA notice, Ms. Gill, please. Oh, thank you, Bertie. Let's see what the good old parent teacher has to say. How did Ms. Henshaw sign it? With love and kisses? That boy. Leroy, this isn't from the school principal. It's from the president of the PTA, Mrs. Ramsey Nicholson. Yeah? Yeah. Says there's a meeting at the PTA in the school auditorium next Friday night. What do you do with those meetings? Criticize us kids? Of course not. Ms. Gill, see they haven't been to one of their meetings in quite a while. Yeah, I know. Parents should pay more attention to these things. I see they don't even have a speaker for the meeting as yet. Nothing? Ms. Henshaw said last time they had the president of the airplane plant. He passed out samples. Airplanes? No, little models. Oh. You know, it might be an idea for me to arrange to speak at a PTA meeting. And pass around water? Leroy. I'm going to run for office. The people have to know who I am. Making speeches before little groups is grassroots politics. I plead, Ms. Gill, sleep seriously, Leroy. Yeah. Bye, George, when I go to Irene's tonight. I may just suggest that she submit my name to Mrs. Nicholson as the speaker for Friday. Why don't you? You're a big wheel at the city hall. You bet. I can speak on the subject of water. I can see the announcement. Speech tonight by big water wheel. I think about it. The more I realize I've outgrown the water department. And the important thing is I'm doing something about it. Because I don't have to tell Irene why I want to speak to the PTA. You're a sly, Gill, sleep. Hello, Trockmorton. Hello, Irene. Let me take your hat. Yes, thank you. Right, George? Irene, you look lovelier all the time. Yeah, I don't know how you can run a school all day, come home and look like a leading lady at night. I have a secret, Trockmorton. Who? I use makeup. You could have fooled me. Yeah, I can't get over it. Pretty as a picture. Would you like to sit down, or do you just want to walk around the room admiring me? Yeah, I'll sit down and look. You know, I got a letter from the PTA today, Irene. Oh, yes, we're having a meeting Friday evening. Yes, and I notice you don't have a speaker yet. I wonder if I could help you out. You know a good speaker? Do I? Have you ever heard of that old spellbinder, Trockmorton P. Gillersley? Oh, I didn't know you specialized in forensics. Oh, I don't pretend to be an authority on forensics. I thought I'd talk about water. Oh, I see, yes. I thought you might suggest to Mrs. Ramsey Nicholson that the City Water Commissioner is available. Well, it's very nice of you to offer Trockmorton but why this sudden interest in public speaking? Well, confidentially, Irene. I've been encouraged by a few friends to consider running for office sooner or later. Oh, that's wonderful. What office are you seeking? Well, anything that pays more than the water department. But you're honest about it. Well, seriously, I've gone about as far as I can go in my job. I've been told I'm a good public servant and I'd like to show what I can do. Well, that's commendable, Trockmorton. Then you'll recommend me as a speaker to Mrs. Nicholson? I won't stick my neck out that far. I'll submit your name. Good. Because you might say a few nice things about me. Yes, now let's see. What could I say? Oh, come now. Can't you think of something? I could say you make nice speeches to girls. He takes me to nice places for dinner and you don't step on my toes often when we dance. Yay! People have been elected with fewer qualifications than that. I'm working like a charm. It's almost time for Mrs. Nicholson to drop in the office. Yeah, I guess she wants to discuss the PTA's speech because she doesn't know it's my own idea. Yeah, I'll just dig through the files here for that old speech I prepared for the Water Commissioner's Convention in Duluth. Oh, yeah, here it is. Yeah, water. What is it? Yeah, this would have made a good speech if they'd called on me. A darned barbershop quartet took up all the time. Mr. Gilda's sleeve, ugly. Oh, yes indeed. And you're Mrs. Ramsey Nicholson. I can see that. You come right in and sit down. Thank you. I only have a minute. Oh, I know you're busy with the PTA, you know. Yes, it's demanding but satisfying. Mr. Gilda's sleeve is frightfully late to engage a speaker, but I've heard that you'll be available Friday evening. Well, I haven't any idea where you heard that. But Friday night is. Oh, good. That's wonderful of you. You have a repertoire of speeches? Well, I assume you expect me to pick a subject on which I'm an authority. So I prepared a very informative address on water titled, Water. What is it? That sounds a little elementary, Mr. Gilda's sleeve. Well. Being such an authority, you must be familiar with the new scientific procedures associated with the production of water. Well, it's been hard to improve on rain. Now you've hit upon something. I am. I'm sure our group would be interested in hearing a treatise on artificially produced precipitation. Now, why don't you address us on cloud seeding with solid carbon dioxide? You with solid what? Dry ice. Oh, yes, of course. What do I know about cloud seeding? Well, thank you, Mr. Gilda's sleeve. I must go now. Goodbye. Goodbye, Mr. Nicholson. We'll be all ears Friday. I'm all ears now like a donkey. We'll be back in just a minute. How would all you ladies like to buy your nylon stockings at less than half price? 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You have a choice of six sizes, two of the season's smartest shades and two seam styles. Order as many as you like. Just include 75 cents for each pair along with the yellow end flap from a parquet package. Tomorrow's the day to begin building your wardrobe of beautiful long wearing powers model nylons. Be sure to buy the delicious margarine made by Kraft parquet margarine. My type P.B.'s pharmacy is the crossroads of Summerfield. Sooner or later, everybody in town drops in. Right now, I see Mr. Gildersleeve coming across the street. Last time I saw him, he was thinking of getting into politics. He looks a little worried. He must be in it. Hello, P.B. Hello, Mr. Gildersleeve. What can I do for you? Give me a box of my L. Lobo cigars. A box? Are you planning to smoke them or give them away? Well, I'm smoking them. That's a good idea. If you're after votes, I wouldn't give the L. Lobos to anybody. Well, I like them, P.B. Go ahead. Charge them, please. I'm smoking a lot because I'm doing a lot of thinking. I don't see how you think with a head full of L. Lobo smoke. Yes, yes. P.B., I'm speaking before the PTA Friday night. Well, that's a step in the right direction. Yeah, but I've been maneuvered into speaking on a subject I don't know much about. Well, that can happen. Mrs. P.B. maneuvered me into a subject I didn't know much about once. Oh? And I only had a two-word speech. I do. Well, I can't get by that easily. I have to talk about seeding clouds with dry ice. To make it rain? What else could it do? Well, in winter it might make it snow. P.B., you don't know any more about this than I do. No, I'm not trying to make a speech about it. Well, I have to think of something. Well, you have 24 hours and there's the library. You could do a little research. Say, you know, that's not a bad idea. That's right. Hi, Mr. P.B. Oh, no, no, Mr. Higgins. What can I do for you? Hello, hurry. Go ahead and wait on the man. Well, I finished with Mr. Goversley. He was just telling me about a speech he's making to the PTA. Oh, you must be the water commissioner. Yes, indeed. Higgins, you say? Don't believe I've met you. Well, I'm from the new Fernvale district. Well, I have a lot of friends out in that subdivision. Yeah? Some of them even wrote the mayor letters about me. Well, I threatened to, but didn't. What do you mean, Mr. Higgins? I did a good job out there. I even had the water turned on two days before anybody moved in. I wish you'd waited until I could get the faucets attached to my pipes. Didn't we check you turn on at the street? Well, all I know is I'm the only one in the subdivision with a swimming pool in the basement. Oh, yes, I remembered the case. It was just one of those things, Mr. Higgins. I hope you'll overlook it. Give me a package of gum, Mr. P.B. You will overlook the flooded basement. Won't you, Mr. Higgins? That'll be all, Mr. P.B. We pumped out the basement. Do you remember, Mr. Higgins? Put everything in apple pie order. Yes, Mr. P.B. Mr. Higgins? What are you going to talk about at the meeting? How to stoke a furnace in a canoe? I tried to make a friend out of him, P.B. Probably I should have offered him one of my cigars. No, no, I wouldn't do that. He ain't come out since he went in there this morning with an arm load of book. What's his speech going to be about? He said something about seeding clouds. Yeah? He's talking about raising rain. Mr. Gillespie's reservoir must be mighty low if he's trying to talk the clouds out of their water. After all the research I've done, listen to this. Thank you, Mrs. Nicholson. Why you second her? Well, she'll introduce me. Friends and fellow members of the Summer Peel Parent Teachers Association. Tonight I'm to address you on the subject of inducing the surrender of suspended moisture with silver iodide and carbon dioxide. What do those words mean? I don't have to know that, but they sound good, don't they? George, the more I think of this speech, the more convinced I am the mayor should be there to hear it. Why don't you just be satisfied if you get by the PTA? My boy, the mayor could have a lot to do with my election to any office I may seek. Even his own? Well, I may just leapfrog over him to the state legislature. Yeah, him. I'll give the mayor a ring and invite him personally. You can sit on the rostrum with Mrs. Ramsey Nicholson. Mr. Mayor, I've been home. Oh, fine, sunbathing. No, no, no, I've been writing a speech for the PTA meeting tonight. Oh? They're all voters, you know. I'd like to extend you a special invitation, Your Honor. Oh, it's too bad I have a wonderful speech. Sorry. And you could sit on the speaker's rostrum. You bet. I'll see you then. Yes. Yes, Your Honor. Oh, my goodness. Don't you think so, Your Honor? Yes, indeed. Short to the point. Thank you. I'm glad we have such a large attendance tonight. Well, I called everybody I knew. I'm ready. And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce our distinguished speaker for the evening. He is a person we all know and, of course, admire. A man who may someday sit in one of our higher public offices. That didn't hurt me a bit. Without further ado, I'm honored to present Mr. Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve, our water commissioner, who will talk to us about rain-making. Thank you. Thank you, Mrs. Nicholson. Friends and fellow members of the Summerfield Parent and Teachers Association. Oh, I beg your pardon. And His Honor the Mayor. Thank you. From time immemorial, man has been monkeying with the weather. Of course, the only tried and true way to make it rain is to wash your car on Sunday morning. Tonight, friends, I'm going to address you on the subject of inducing the surrender of suspended moisture with silver iodide. There is much to be said on both sides about the subject of rain-making. You've heard the old saw. Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. Your water commissioner wants to assure you that this is no longer true. At long last, we are doing something about it. Who knows? In the not too distant future, we may be able to turn it on and off in the sky the way we do in our home. I thank you. Croc Norton, that was a very intelligent state. Well, thank you, Irene. Yes, Gilda Sleeve, you surprised me. I was engrossed. Thank you, Mr. Mayor. Mr. Gilda Sleeve, you were marvelous. Thank you, Mrs. Nicholson. They loved me. We prod right over the state legislature. The chair shares your reception of Mr. Gilda Sleeve's speech. His subject is so interesting that before we adjourn, I'm sure he'll be happy to answer any questions. I should have brought my books. I have a few questions I'd like to ask the commissioner. Uh-oh. That's Higgins. I didn't see him back there. Well, go right ahead. That's why Mr. Gilda Sleeve is here. Commissioner, you remember me? You put in my basement swimming pool. Oh, yes, Mr. Higgins. You were kicking around a lot of big words in your speech, such as silver iodine. What is it? What is it? Well, that's a little hush-hush. We don't want everything we know to get out of the country, you know. You think it's something like uranium, eh? Well, I'm not saying. I see. I made a note of this, too, commissioner. You said something about the second law of thermodynamics. Now, what on earth is that? Well, Mr. Higgins, laws are to be obeyed, not questioned. Gilda Sleeve, this is embarrassing. He's a heckler, your honor. Well, give him some intelligent answers. Are you plopping here, Mr. Mayor? Me? Oh, no. He doesn't know the answers either. Yes, Mr. Higgins. Perhaps you can come down out of the clouds and answer a question closer to home. Are you elected or appointed? Well, the mayor appoints me. Oh-ho! What's that? In other words, if we don't re-elect the mayor next term... Where's the exit? We'll be back in just 30 seconds. Just a reminder about Parquet-Margeron's sensational new nylon stocking offer. With every pound of Kraft's Parquet you buy, you can order famous powers model nylons at less than half price. These new nylons are 60 gauge instead of 51 gauge, and 60 gauge are even more glamorous and longer wearing. They ordinarily cost more too, but you can get them for only 75 cents a pair when you enclose the yellow end flap from a package of Kraft's delicious Parquet-Margeron. This is a very exciting parent-teacher's meeting, Frogmorton. Hi, Irene. It was nice of you to explain to the mayor about that Higgins. Oh, he's just a chronic heckler. You gave a splendid speech, even if you didn't know the meaning of every scientific term you use. Well, I didn't have time to learn everything about making it rain. I have a water department to run, you know. Thanks for seeing me home. Good night, Frogmorton. Yeah, Irene. Yes? I'm pretty serious about going into politics. Really? Oh, I can see you now making speeches, kissing babies. Well, if I'm going to be a big politician, I may as well start off kissing a big baby. Oh? How about it, Irene? Sorry, the polls are closed. Good night, folks. Included in the cast are Walter Cephey, Kathy Lewis, Lillian Randolph, Myra Marsh, Byron Kane, Sam Farrar and Vick LeGrand. Musical compositions by Jack Meakin. This is John Heaston saying good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next week and every week for the further adventures of The Great Gildersly. What goes into your favorite sandwich? Maybe it's roast beef or savory baked ham. Whatever your favorite, the perfect meat sandwich needs the perfect mustard. Well, Kraft prepared mustard. For when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. You can take your choice of two kinds of Kraft mustard. Mild Kraft mustard is smooth and delicately spiced. 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