 Hello everyone, welcome to another Narc Survival Live video, a different topic for this one today. We're going to be talking about Narcissists and their weird sex patterns, and I'm sure that this is something many of you have noticed already Having sex with a narcissist It's not like having sex with a normal person. It's very different It's very weird So first let's talk about what it's like When you do have sex with a normal person When you're having sex with a normal person It's typically about Getting to know them What they like What interest them? What pleasures them? What makes them happy? Because you want to please them. That's something that normal people want to do They want to understand Their boyfriend girlfriend Husband wife or sexual partner Or whoever it may be They want to understand them They want to know What it is that they like and They want to develop a Connection with them. It's about intimacy It may not always be about love, but when you're having sex with a normal person it is Typically about having this connection this bond this Mutual understanding between two people When some cases It could be more than two people as well If that's what you prefer or what you like to do And I'm not judging anyone for that. There's nothing wrong with that at all. I think what we're Talking about here is more in a relationship Relationship setting because as far as you knew with this person You weren't led to believe that this was Just for sexual purposes Of course, if you were led to believe that then there would be no problem I mean if anything if it's made clear to us That it is just sex and nothing else and We're expecting something more We're expecting commitment a relationship a connection Then of course in that type of situation We do need to look at ourselves If it's already been made very clear to us that It is just for sexual purposes only It's superficial. It's not meant to be anything else Beneath that I don't think that's what we're talking about here I think those of you who are watching this right now You were led to believe that this was something more You were led to believe that you were in a committed relationship That was supposed to be about love Because they knew that's what you wanted But they weren't about that at all That was never a concern to them. So we've talked about What sex should be like With a normal person it should be about love Intimacy and a connection, but it's not like that with a narcissist. So what is it like? How do we describe it? Well, I think to put it quite simply Sex with a narcissist, it's just about manipulation and control it's about manipulating your emotions and perpetuating a state of desire Anger fear guilt or shame within you, which of course if anything that's this connection You're not connecting to them at all and not only that It's like your sexual needs are never fulfilled Instead what they might do is body shame you they may publicly Humiliate and shame you based on your sexual desires or interests Which is a very offensive and hurtful thing to do. I Mean, yes, you may have certain desires or fantasies and there's nothing wrong with that at all What you do or what you like to do Behind closed doors, that's completely up to you and you have a right To find pleasure in that of course they will go and use this to hurt you and To publicly shame and humiliate you because as I said, it's all about manipulation and control They have no real desire to connect to you or to connect to anyone And in fact as I've said before In other videos about narcissists and sex is that They're actually not even sexually attracted to anyone. They don't experience physical attraction They live vicariously through other people it's all about What they think other people might find Attractive or desirable and it's just all about them They want to use you like a tool an object To make themselves feel attractive And that's really what narcissism is They're self-absorbed and they lack empathy. They don't care about your sexual experience It's not about satisfying you at times. It may look like it is It may look like They're trying to get to know you They're trying they're trying to get to know you They're trying to understand what tunes you want What pleasure is you? Even then it's still just manipulation and control They just want to put you in a trance under a spell To where you submit to them and this is especially true For histrionic narcissists That's all they're trying to do and they will try to fulfill your sexual fantasies And they will make you feel like you're really involved with them sexually So you actually have something when in fact you do not You're just validating the false character you're under a spell What you're experiencing, it's not even real. That's not even who they are They just know that's what you like So then they're being that for you So that they can get their narcissistic supply and this is why they behave the way that they do It's like in one moment. They're really into you in the beginning. They want to have sex every day In some cases, maybe two or three times a day And it seems as though they're really interested in you like they can't get enough of you But in fact It is just manipulation and control And once they know that they've got you and You validated the false self you have fed their ego Boosted their self-esteem Once you've done that then It's like they just get bored They suddenly lose interest. It's not so much that they lost interest in sex or that they lost interest in you It's just that they've already got their supply Once a narcissist knows that you want them that you've already enjoyed having sex with them Or that you want to have sex with them That's enough for them They don't need anything else because then in their minds That's it. You've already valid it the false self Prop it up and that's all they really need. They don't actually need to have sex with you They don't need to develop a connection to experience love or intimacy with you And then all honesty they can't do that anyway even if they wanted to Because they lack effective empathy They lack the ability to share your feelings and understand your experience and if that was not true You probably wouldn't be watching this video right now and instead you would be feeling really good about yourself You would be feeling loved you would be feeling attractive And you may have just had the best sex of your life Because they would have had the the desire to understand you They would have shared your feelings and they would have done everything in their power to make sure that you are satisfied Again, it's just all about them It's all about their pleasure their needs And in all honesty, they don't really find Pleasure in having sex with another person Because it's all about manipulation and control They don't really want to be sexually involved with a person who has their own mind Their own thoughts feelings and needs that are separate from them. They want an extension of themselves And for someone to be a pure extension of them to where their feelings and needs are actually the same as theirs That's not even possible For a fully grown adult That's why at times they will often turn to pornography and you may be wondering what is going on It's like You've just been to the salon you've got your hair styled with a manicure a pedicure You bought some new perfume a sexy new outfit for them and You could be laying on the bed for them when they get home from work You're trying to fulfill their sexual desires and yet it's like They're more interested in watching pornography Than having sex with you because that does it for them more than having sex Sex to a narcissist. It's like a chore. It's like a chore. It's too much effort. They can't be bothered Because it doesn't do anything for them, you know for a normal person for a normal person What the most pleasurable thing about having sex is And I'm sure many of you can relate to this And I know myself This is something that I resonate with and it's that the most pleasurable thing about having sex Is knowing that you are satisfying the other person to where it's not just all about yourself and your sexual needs The most pleasurable thing is when you know you're making someone else feel good And I'll just feel good in terms of physical sensations But you're also making them feel good about themselves Narcissists hate that they don't want to see you feeling good about yourself because that doesn't do anything for them If anything that just reflects back to them how they can't feel good having sex or being with you So they don't want to do that. They don't want to make you feel good And that's why you may find they won't even take the time to learn your body or what makes you feel good and In fact They may even go out of their way To make sure that you aren't fully satisfied and I'm sure Many of you Can relate to that as well the guys you may find it's like you're having sex and just as you're about to Orgasm About to ejaculate Then they'll just stop And they might make up some excuse they'll say they're tired or it hurts But in the back if you're mind, you know what they're doing. You know that they just can't stand To see you feel good and they really love that when they're having sex with you and For a certain amount of time it's going well. You're happy. You're enjoying it If you're connected and then they just stop all of a sudden Well, they'll say something stupid There's no limit to what they might do maybe something they might do is They might be looking at you the entire time and then they may act as interested or was though they're not enjoying it And then all of a sudden they will just close their eyes Pretend like they're thinking about someone else and then they'll get off Then they'll look like they're having a great time So they're tuning you out as though There's something wrong with you and that's just an example These are typical tactics that they will do and I'm sure many of you you've had of other experiences as well Let me know down below in the live chat what you've experienced with a narcissist Well, they've deliberately tried to make you feel bad about yourself Or try to disrupt your sexual experience Or maybe they might just try to make you think That you're not good enough. You're not pleasuring them They might mark and ridicule you they might shame you. I mean a typical thing is that They might Make fun of the size of your penis They might just come out and say that it's too small or they might say that you can't get hard The funny thing is that might be because of them It might be because of their attitude Because of how they're always marking you and yet they will make fun of you because of that They will put you down When you know a loving caring partner is going to be like What's wrong? They're gonna want to talk to you. They're gonna want to understand They're going to try to help you So that you can get an erection Because you know we've got to talk about this stuff like adults It's not funny when women Make fun of The size of a man's penis Or if a man can't get a reaction for whatever reason There's nothing funny about that Do you know what that could do to a man? To his mental health That could really affect a man mentally especially these days For men, it's all about having a large penis I'm sure many of you You may know about They say the BBC I'm not gonna say what that is on you, but I think many of you know A lot of women these days. That's what they look for And they just want bigger and bigger And if you haven't got it, then they shame you It's like you've got to have at least seven inches or something ridiculous like that You know the average penis size is only about five inches And you don't even need that much to give a woman an orgasm So this is just ridiculous. It really is And it's very rare that people talk about this But it's something that needs to be discussed And it's not something that I'm Personally insecure about myself. I'm quite confident In my sexual abilities But I know there's many men out there who have been shamed By narcissistic women Because that's exactly what they are If they were empathetic They would be trying to understand instead of shaming you And of course it's not all about Men and how they're shamed sexually It's the same for women as well Some women they may be shamed for Their weight Maybe a narcissistic man may shame them for not having large enough breasts Or not having a tight enough vagina Either way It's still the same. It's not funny It's not nice at all I mean we need to Consider other people and how it might affect them But some people seem to think Just because it's something sexual they think they can get away with it With making these insults about a man's penis size or Something about a woman's body It's not right at all But yeah, this is what an narcissist will do They will try to make you insecure sexually Because again this comes back to their manipulation and control And they manipulate and control you Because they're actually very insecure themselves They know that they can't experience a deep emotional connection They can't experience true sexual satisfaction Like normal people can So then they go and shame you to make you feel bad To try to prevent you from experiencing that So that they don't have to feel so bad about themselves And today I think it's very rare that you will find a video like this Where someone Especially a man will just come on here and To speak the truth about how women are body shamed Men are shamed about The size of their penis or erectile dysfunction This is nothing to laugh about This is people's sexual health their mental health And we should care about other people People who don't And they want to go to the shaming It's typically because they're insecure And they're envious of your sexual experience because theirs is not the same as yours They can't find satisfaction in the way that you can They can't experience a connection But these dogs honestly they are like school children They will make sexual jokes. They're so immature And yeah, of course, you know some sexual jokes they can't be funny Sex is meant to be fun. It's not meant to be all serious But they make it serious They try to make us insecure And they were looking at sex in a serious way instead of Seeing it as something more playful Because we're constantly looking at ourselves and think we're not good enough Or something is wrong with us Instead of seeing the real problem Which is how they're treating us And how they're not trying to understand us Or to show any concern. I mean I've talked to people Many people And they've been insecure Certain things about their body And other people have made them feel insecure about it because they're jealous Because they can't find the same fulfilment And they opened up to me about their insecurities I know one girl I was talking to I haven't even met her yet But she's quite young and She has a lot of acne on her face Of course, an narcissist would probably mark her because of that and make her feel insecure about it Probably to isolate her and to prevent her from Getting involved with another man I mean that's the typical thing that narcissists would do But as for me I gave her advice on what she could do To relieve Her symptoms of acne And this is a girl I haven't even met I could just be helping her to improve her skin So that she looks more beautiful for someone else And you know what that's fine I want everyone to have A good relationship Positive sexual experiences And I think we should all want that for each other We came to this world to enjoy the physical reality And to enjoy the company of other people To connect and to be intimate And that is a beautiful thing So why try to take that away from another person? Why try to diminish that Of course in the case of narcissists is because their experiences are like that And they believe that their experience is never going to be like that If it was or if they believe that it could be at some point in time Then they wouldn't mark you They wouldn't try to make you feel bad As I've said before How we treat people is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves So that's my take on this topic And I think I've been quite vulnerable in this about My beliefs about some very popular Sexual topics Things that most people don't talk about Especially not in a live video I mean Most people these days they're not really Confident in speaking about sexual topics Especially these types of things And I've had a lot of experience In sex and relationships So I'm quite confident and I'm comfortable in myself To where I can get on a live video and speak about this In the hopes that it will Help some of you out there And I guess my goal is this with this video is to create a safe space Where people who may be embarrassed to talk about this in real life Or even to go to a doctor's and Discuss their Insecurities or their sexual health issues I wanted to create a safe space where these people can be understood Instead of feeling embarrassed or insecure But also It's okay to feel embarrassed to feel shy To feel insecure. That's fine the first step To become insecure within yourself and comfortable in your own skin Is to accept these insecurities If you don't accept that it's there then how are you going to change it? acceptance is the first step To Enjoying a healthy sex life Of course, I'm not a sexual health therapist I am a narcissistic abuse expert and a life coach But I do have a lot of experiences and research So I felt compelled to get on here and share this message with you today Anyway, I hope you found this video helpful If you did you can give it a thumbs up down below Which will help to support our community and to get this message out there to other survivors of narcissistic abuse You can also let me know your thoughts in the comment section below Please be respectful and mature regarding this topic And hit the subscribe button and click all notifications So that you will be up so that you will be notified When I upload a video in the future You can book a one-on-coaching session with me on my website It is NarcSurvivor.co.uk And you can follow me on Instagram. It is NarcSurvivor YouTube As always, thank you all for joining me on another NarcSurvivor live video And I look forward to talking with you in another one very soon