 Section 57 of The Expedition of Humphrey Clinker. The Expedition of Humphrey Clinker by Tobias Smollett. Section 57 To Sir Watkin Phillips Baronet of Jesus College, Oxford. Dear Phillips, if I stay much longer at Edinburgh I shall be changed into a downright Caledonian. My uncle observes that I have already acquired something of the country accent. The people here are so social and attentive in their civilities to strangers that I am insensibly sucked into the channel of their manners and customs, although they are in fact much more different from ours than you can imagine. That difference, however, which struck me very much at my first arrival, I now hardly perceive, and my ear is perfectly reconciled to the scotch accent, which I find even agreeable in the mouth of a pretty woman. It is a sort of Doric dialect, which gives an idea of amiable simplicity. You cannot imagine how we have been caressed and feasted in the good town of Edinburgh, of which we have become free denizens and guild-brothers by the special favour of the magistracy. I had a whimsical commission from Bath to a citizen of this metropolis, Quinn, understanding our intention to visit Edinburgh, pulled out a guinea and desired the favour I would drink it at a tavern with a particular friend and bottle-companion of his, Mr. R. C., a lawyer of this city. I charged myself with the commission and, taking the guinea, you see, said I, I have pocketed your bounty." Yes! replied Quinn, laughing, and a headache into the bargain if you drink fair. I made use of this introduction to Mr. C., who received me with open arms, and gave me the rendezvous according to the cartel. He had provided a company of jolly fellows, among whom I found myself extremely happy, and did Mr. C. and Quinn all the justice in my power. But alas! I was no more than a Tyro among a troupe of veterans, who had compassion upon my youth, and conveyed me home in the morning by what means I know not. Quinn was mistaken, however, as to the headache. The claret was too good to treat me so roughly. While Mr. Bramble holds conferences with the graver literati of the place, and our females are entertained at visits by the Scotch ladies, who are the best and kindest creatures upon earth, I pass my time among the Bucks of Edinburgh, who, with a great share of spirit and vivacity, have a certain shrewdness and self-command that is not often found among their neighbours in the high day of youth and exaltation. Not a hint escapes a Scotchman that can be interpreted into offence by any individual in the company, and national reflections are never heard. In this particular I must own, we are both unjust and ungrateful to the Scots. For as far as I am able to judge, they have a real esteem for the natives of South Britain, and never mention our country but with expressions of regard. Nevertheless they are far from being servile imitators of our modes and fashionable vices, all their customs and regulations of public and private economy, of business and diversion are in their own style. This remarkably predominates in their looks, their dress and manner, their music and even their cookery. Our squire declares that he knows not another people upon earth so strongly marked with a national character. Now we are upon the article of cookery. I must own some of their dishes are savoury and even delicate, but I am not yet Scotchman enough to relish their singed sheep's head and haggis, which were provided at our request one day at Mr. Michelson's, where we dined. The first put me in mind of the history of Congo in which I had read of Negro's head sold publicly in the markets. The last, being a mess of minced lights, livers, suet, oatmeal, onions and pepper, enclosed in a sheep's stomach, had a very sudden effect upon mine, and the delicate Mistress Tabby changed colour when the cause of our disgust was instantaneously removed at the nod of our entertainer. The Scots in general are attached to this composition with a sort of national fondness as well as to their oatmeal bread, which is presented at every table in thin triangular cakes baked upon a plate of iron called a girdle, and these many of the natives, even in the higher ranks of life, prefer to wheaten bread, which they have here in perfection. You know we used to vex poor muddy of balial college by asking if there was really no fruit but turnips in Scotland. Sure enough I have seen turnips make their appearance, not as a dessert, but by way of hors d'oeuvre, or huets, as radishes are served betwixt more substantial dishes in France and Italy. But it must be observed that the turnips of this country are as much superior in sweetness, delicacy and flavour to those in England as a musk melon is to the stock of a common cabbage. They are small and conical of a yellowish colour with a very thin skin, and over and above their agreeable taste are valuable for their anti-scorbutic quality. As to the fruit now in season, such as cherries, gooseberries and currants, there is no want of them at Edinburgh, and in the gardens of some gentlemen who live in the neighbourhood there is now a very favourable appearance of apricots, peaches, nectarines and even grapes. Nay, I have seen a very fine show of pineapples within a few miles of this metropolis. Indeed we have no reason to be surprised at these particulars when we consider how little difference there is in fact betwixt this climate and that of London. All the remarkable places in the city and its avenues for ten miles around we have visited, much to our satisfaction. In the castle are some royal apartments where the sovereign occasionally resided, and here are carefully preserved the regalia of the kingdom, consisting of a crown said to be of great value, a scepter and a sword of state adorned with jewels. Of these symbols of sovereignty the people are exceedingly jealous. A report being spread during the sitting of the Union Parliament that they were removed to London such a tumult arose that the Lord Commissioner would have been torn to pieces if he had not produced them for the satisfaction of the populace. The palace of Hollywood House is an elegant piece of architecture but sunk in an obscure and as I take it unwholesome bottom where one would imagine it had been placed on purpose to be concealed. The apartments are lofty but unfurnished, and as for the pictures of the Scottish kings from Fergus I to King William they are paltry daubings, mostly by the same hand, painted either from the imagination or porters hired to sit for the purpose. All the diversions of London we enjoy at Edinburgh in a small compass. Here is a well-conducted concert in which several gentlemen perform on different instruments. The Scots are all musicians. Every man you meet plays on the flute, the violin or violin cello, and there is one nobleman whose compositions are universally admired. Our company of actors is very tolerable, and a subscription is now on foot for building a new theatre, but their assemblies please me above all other public exhibitions. We have been at the Hunter's Ball where I was really astonished to see such a number of fine women. The English who have never crossed the tweed imagine erroneously that the scotch ladies are not remarkable for personal attractions. But I can declare with a safe conscience I never saw so many handsome females together as were assembled on this occasion. At the Leith races the best company comes hither from the remote provinces, so that I suppose we had all the beauty of the kingdom concentrated as it were into one focus, which was indeed so vehement that my heart could hardly resist its power. Between friends it has sustained some damage from the bright eyes of the charming Miss Renton, whom I had the honour to dance with at the ball. The Countess of Melville attracted all eyes, and the admiration of all present. She was accompanied by the agreeable Miss Grieve, who made many conquests, nor did my sister Liddy pass unnoticed in the assembly. She has become a toast to Edinburgh by the name of the Fair Cambrian, and has already been the occasion of much wine-shed. But the poor girl met with an accident at the ball, which has given us great disturbance. A young gentleman, the express image of that rascal Wilson, went up to ask her to dance a minuet, and his sudden appearance shocked her so much that she fainted away. I call Wilson a rascal, because if he had been really a gentleman with honourable intentions, he would have air now appeared in his own character. I must own my blood boils with indignation when I think of that fellow's presumption, and heaven can found me if I don't, but I won't be so womanish as to rail. Time will perhaps furnish occasion. Thank God the cause of Liddy's disorder remains a secret. The lady directoress of the ball, thinking she was overcome by the heat of the place, had her conveyed to another room, where she soon recovered so well as to return and join in the country dances, in which the scotch-lasses acquit themselves with such spirit and agility as put their partners to the height of their metal. I believe our aunt, Mistress Tabitha, had entertained hopes of being able to do some execution among the cavaliers at this assembly. She had been several days in consultation with milliners and mantua-makers, preparing for the occasion at which she made her appearance in a full suit of damask, so thick and heavy that the sight of it alone at this season of the year was sufficient to draw drops of sweat from any man of ordinary imagination. She danced one minuet with our friend Mr. Michelson, who favoured her so far in the spirit of hospitality and politeness, and she was called out a second time by the young lair de Ballymore Hopple, who, coming in by accident, could not readily find any other partner. But as the first was a married man, and the second paid no particular homage to her charms, which were also overlooked by the rest of the company, she became dissatisfied and sensorious. At supper she observed that the scotch gentleman made a very good figure when they were a little improved by travelling, and therefore it was pity they did not all take the benefit of going abroad. She said the women were awkward, masculine creatures, that in dancing they lifted their legs like so many colts, that they had no idea of graceful motion and put on their clothes in a frightful manner. But if the truth must be told, Tabby herself was the most ridiculous figure and the worst dressed of the whole assembly. The neglect of the male sex rendered her malcontent and peevish. She now found fault with everything at Edinburgh and teased her brother to leave the place, when she was suddenly reconciled to it on a religious consideration. There is a sect of fanatics who have separated themselves from the established Kirk under the name of Cicidas. They acknowledge no earthly head of the church, reject lay patronage and maintain the Methodist doctrines of the new birth, the new light, the efficacy of grace, the insufficiency of works and the operations of the spirit. Mistress Tabitha, attended by Humphrey Clinker, was introduced to one of their conventicles, where they both received much edification and she has had the good fortune to come acquainted with a pious Christian called Mr. Moffat, who is very powerful in prayer and often assists her in private exercises of devotion. I never saw such a concourse of genteel company at any races in England as appeared on the course of Leith. Hard by, in the fields called the Lynx, the citizens of Edinburgh divert themselves at a game called Goaf, in which they use a curious kind of bats, tipped with horn and small elastic balls of leather, stuffed with feathers, rather less than tennis balls, but of a much harder consistence. This they strike with such force and dexterity from one hole to another that they will fly to an incredible distance. Of this diversion the Scots are so fond that when the weather will permit they may see a multitude of all ranks from the senator of justice to the lowest tradesman mingled together in their shirts and following the balls with the utmost eagerness. Among others I was shown one particular set of gofers, the youngest of whom was turned a forescore. They were all gentlemen of independent fortunes who had amused themselves with this pastime the best part of a century, without ever having felt the least alarm from sickness or disgust, and they never went to bed without having each the best part of a gallon of claret in his belly. Such uninterrupted exercise, cooperating with the keen air from the sea, must without all doubt keep the appetite always on edge and steal the constitution against all the common attacks of distemper. The Leith races gave occasion to another entertainment of a very singular nature. There is at Edinburgh a society or corporation of errant boys called coddies, who ply in the streets at night with paper lanterns and are very serviceable in carrying messages. These fellows, though shabby in their appearance and rudely familiar in their address, are wonderfully acute and so noted for fidelity that there is no instance of a coddies having betrayed his trust. Such is their intelligence that they know not only every individual of the place but also every stranger by that time he has been four and twenty hours in Edinburgh, and no transaction, even the most private, can escape their notice. They are particularly famous for their dexterity in executing one of the functions of Mercury, though for my own part I never employed them in this department of business. Had I occasion for any service of this nature, my own man Archie McAlpin is as well qualified as heir a coddie in Edinburgh, and I am much mistaken if he has not been here to four of their fraternity. Be that as it may, they resolved to give a dinner and a ball at Leith, to which they formally invited all the young noblemen and gentlemen that were at the races, and this invitation was reinforced by an assurance that all the celebrated ladies of pleasure would grace the entertainment with their company. I received a card on this occasion and went there with half a dozen of my acquaintance. In a large hall the cloth was laid on a long range of tables joined together, and here the company seated themselves to the number of about four score. Lords and lards and other gentlemen, courtesans and coddies, mingled together as the slaves their masters were in the time of the Saturnalia in ancient Rome. The toastmaster who sat at the upper end was one coddie Fraser, a veteran pimp, distinguished for his humour and sagacity, well known and much respected in his profession by all the guests, male and female, that were here assembled. He had bespoke the dinner and the wine. He had taken care that all his brethren should appear in decent apparel and clean linen, and he himself wore a periwig with three tails in honour of the festival. I assure you the banquet was both elegant and plentiful, and seasoned with a thousand sallies that promoted a general spirit of mirth and good humour. After the dessert Mr Fraser proposed the following toasts which I don't pretend to explain. The best in Crescendum. Gebs's contract. The beggar's benison. King and Kirk. Great Britain and Ireland. Then filling a bumper and turning to me, Mr Malfort said he may our unkindness cease betwixt John Bull and his sister Morge. The next person he singled out was a nobleman who had been long abroad. My lord, cried Fraser, here is a bumper to all those nobleman who have virtue enough to spend their rents in their own country. He afterwards addressed himself to a member of parliament in these words. Master, I'm sure you'll have nay objection to my drunken disgrace and duel to Elka Scott that sells his conscience and his vote. He discharged a third sarcasm at a person very gaily dressed who had risen from small beginnings and made a considerable fortune at play. Filling his glass and calling him by name, long life said he to the wily loon that gangs afield with a tomb-pook at his lunze and comes home with a sackful of cellar. All these toasts being received with loud bursts of applause, Mr Fraser called for pined glasses and filled his own to the brim, then standing up and all his brethren following his example. My lords and gentlemen, cried he, here is a cup of thanks for the great and undeserved honour you have done your poor errand-boys this day. So saying, he and they drank off their glasses in a trice and, quitting their seats, took their station each behind one of the other guests, exclaiming, No, we are your honour's coddies again. The nobleman who had bore the first brunt of Mr Fraser satire objected to his abdication. He said as the company was assembled by invitation from the coddies, he expected they were to be entertained at their expense. By no means, my lord, cried Fraser, I would not be guilty of suck presumption for the wide world. I never affronted a gentleman since I was born, and sure at this age I wanted to offer an indignity to suck an honourable convention. Well, said his lordship, as you have expended some wit, you have a right to save your money. You have given me good counsel and I take it in good part. As you have voluntarily quitted your seat I will take your place with the leave of the good company and think myself happy to be hailed father of the feast. He was forthwith elected into the chair and complimented in a bumper in his new character. The claret continued to circulate without interruption till the glasses seemed to dance upon the table, and this perhaps was a hint to the ladies to call for music. At eight in the evening the ball began in another apartment. At midnight we went to supper, but it was broad day before I found the way to my lodging and no doubt his lordship had a swingeing bell to discharge. In short I have lived so riotously for some weeks that my uncle begins to be alarmed on the score of my constitution and very seriously observed that all his own infirmities are owing to such excesses indulged in his youth. Mistress Tabitha says it would be more to the advantage of my soul as well as my body if instead of frequenting these soons of debauchery I would accompany Mr. Moffitt and her to hear a sermon of the reverend Mr. McCorkendale. Clinker often exhorts me with a groan to take care of my precious health and even Archie McAlpin when he happens to be overtaken which is oftener the case than I could wish, reads me a long lecture upon temperance and sobriety and is so very wise and sententious that if I could provide him with a professor's chair I would willingly give up the benefit of his admonitions and service together for I was tutor-sick at Alma Mater. I am not, however, shocked by the gayities of Edinburgh but that I find time to make parties in the family way. We have not only seen all the villas and villages within ten miles of the capital but we have also crossed the Firth which is an arm of the sea seven miles broad that divides Lothian from the Shire or as the Scots call it the Kingdom of Fife. There is a number of large sea-boats that ply on this passage from Leith to Kinghorn which is a borough on the other side. In one of these our whole family embarked three days ago accepting my sister who being exceedingly fearful of the water was left to the care of Mrs. Michelson. We had an easy and quick passage into Fife where we visited a number of poor towns on the seaside including St Andrews which is the skeleton of a venerable city. But we were much better pleased with some noble and elegant seats and castles of which there is a great number in that part of Scotland. Yesterday we took boat again on our return to Leith with fair wind and agreeable weather but we had not advanced halfway when the sky was suddenly overcast and the wind changing blew directly in our teeth so that we were obliged to turn or tack the rest of the way. In a word the gale increased to a storm of wind and rain attended with such a fog that we could not see the town of Leith to which we were bound nor even the castle of Edinburgh not withstanding its high situation. It is not to be doubted but that we were all alarmed on this occasion and at the same time most of the passengers were seized with a nausea that produced violent retchings. My aunt desired her brother to order the boatman to put back to Kinghorn and this expedient he actually proposed but they assured him there was no danger. Mistress Tabitha finding them obstinate and called and insisted upon my uncle's exerting his authority as a justice of the peace. Sick and peevish as he was he could not help laughing at this wise proposal telling her that his commission did not extend so far and if it did he should let the people take their own way for he thought it would be great presumption in him to direct them to the exercise of their own profession. Mistress Winifred Jenkins made a general clearance with the assistance of Mr. Humphrey Clinker who joined her both in prayer and ejaculation. As he took it for granted that we should not be long in this world he offered some spiritual consolation to Mistress Tabitha who rejected it with great disgust bidding him keep his sermons for those who had leisure to hear such nonsense. My uncle sat collected in himself without speaking. My man Archie had recourse to a brandy bottle with which he made so free that I imagine he had sworn to die of drinking anything rather than sea water. But the brandy had no more effect upon him in the way of intoxication than if it had been sea water in good earnest. As for myself I was too much engrossed by the sickness at my stomach to think of anything else. Meanwhile the sea swelled mountains high. The boat pitched with such violence as if it had been going to pieces. The cordage rattled the wind roared the lightning flashed the thunder bellowed and the rain descended in a deluge. Every time the vessel was put about we shipped a sea that drenched us all to the skin. When by dint of turning we thought to have cleared the pier ahead we were driven to leeward and then the boatmen themselves began to fear that the tide would fail before we should fetch up our leeway. The next trip however we brought us into smooth water and we were safely landed on the quay about one o'clock in the afternoon. To be sure cried Tabby when she found herself on terror firmer we must all have perished if we had not been the particular care of Providence. Yes, replied my uncle but I am much of the honest Highlander's mind after he had made such a passage as this. His friend told him he was much indebted to Providence. Certainly said Donald, but by my soul, mon, I'd near trouble Providence again so long as the breg of sterling stands. You must know the brig or bridge of sterling stands above twenty miles up the river forth of which this is the outlet. I don't find that our squire has suffered in his health from this adventure but poor Liddy is in a peaking way. I'm afraid this unfortunate girl is uneasy in her mind and this apprehension distracts me for she is really an amiable creature. We shall set out to morrow or next day for sterling and Glasgow we propose to penetrate a little way into the Highlands before we turn our course to the southward. In the meantime commend me to all our friends round Carfax and believe me to be ever yours Jay Melford Edinburgh August 8 End of Chapter 57 Section 58 of the Expedition of Humphrey Clinker. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Deborah Lynn The Expedition of Humphrey Clinker by Tobias Smollett, Section 58 to Dr. Lewis I should be very ungrateful dear Lewis, if I did not find myself disposed to think and speak favorably of this people among whom I have met with more kindness hospitality and rational entertainment in a few weeks than ever I received in any other country during the whole course of my life. Perhaps the gratitude excited by these benefits may interfere with the impartiality of my remarks for a man is as apt to be pre-possessed by particular favors as to be prejudiced by private motives of disgust. If I am partial there is at least some merit in my conversion from illiberal prejudices which had grown up in the institution. The first impressions which an Englishman receives in this country will not contribute to the removal of his prejudices because he refers everything he sees to a comparison with the same articles in his own country and this comparison is unfavorable to Scotland in all its exteriors such as the face of the country and respect to cultivation, the appearance of the bulk of the people and the language of conversation in general. I am not so far convinced of Mr. Lismehargo's arguments but that I think the Scots would do well for their own sakes to adopt the English idioms and pronunciation those of them especially who are resolved to push their fortunes in South Britain. I know by experience how easily an Englishman is influenced by the ear and how apt he is to laugh when he hears his own language spoken with a foreign or provincial accent. I have known a member of the House of Commons speak with great energy and precision without being able to engage attention because his observations were made in the Scotch dialect which, no offense to Lieutenant Lismehargo certainly gives a clownish air even to sentiments of the greatest dignity in decorum. I have declared my opinion on this head to some of the most sensible men of this country observing at the same time that if they would employ a few natives of England to teach the pronunciation of our vernacular tongue in 20 years there would be no difference in the point of dialect between the youth of Edinburgh and of London. The civil regulations of this kingdom in Metropolis are taken from very different models from those of England except in a few particular establishments the necessary consequences of the Union. Their College of Justice is a bench of great dignity filled with judges of character and ability. I have heard some causes tried before this venerable tribunal and was very much pleased with the pleadings of their advocates who are by no means deficient either in argument or elocution. The Scottish legislation is founded in a great measure on the civil law consequently their proceedings vary from those of the English tribunals but I think they have the advantage of us in their method of examining witnesses apart and in the constitution of their jury by which they certainly avoid the evil which I mentioned in my last from Lismehargo's observation. The University of Edinburgh is supplied with excellent professors in all the sciences and the medical school in particular is famous all over Europe. The students of this art have the best opportunity of learning it to perfection in all its branches as there are different courses for the theory of medicine and the practice of medicine for anatomy, chemistry, botany and the materia medica over and above those of mathematics and experimental philosophy and all these are given by men of distinguished backgrounds. What renders this part of education still more complete is the advantage of attending the infirmary which is the best instituted charitable foundation that I ever knew. Now we are talking of charities here are several hospitals exceedingly well endowed and maintained under admirable regulations and these are not only useful but ornamental to the city. Among these I shall only mention the general work house in which what otherwise provided for are employed according to their different abilities with such judgment and effect that they nearly maintain themselves by their labor and there is not a beggar to be seen within the precincts of this metropolis. It was Glasgow that set the example of this establishment about 30 years ago even the Kirk of Scotland so long reproached with fanaticism and canting abounds at present with ministers celebrated for their learning and respectable for their moderation. I have heard their sermons with equal astonishment and pleasure. The good people of Edinburgh no longer think dirt and cobwebs essential to the house of God. Some of their churches have admitted such ornaments as would have excited sedition even in England a little more than a century ago and Salmody is here practiced and taught by a professor from the Cathedral of Durham. I should not be surprised in a few years to hear it accompanied with an organ. Edinburgh is a hotbed of genius. I have had the good fortune to be made acquainted with many authors of the first distinction such as the two Humes, Robertson, Smith, Wallace, Blair, Ferguson, Wilkie, and C and I have found them all as agreeable in conversation as they are instructive and entertaining in their writings. These acquaintances I owe to the friendship of Dr. Carlyle who wants nothing but inclination to figure with the rest upon paper. The majesty of Edinburgh is changed every year by election and seems to be very well adapted both for state and authority. The Lord Provost is equal in dignity to the Lord Mayor of London and the four Baileys are equivalent to the rank of Alderman. There is a Dean of Guild who takes cognizance of mercantile affairs, a treasurer, a town clerk and the council is composed of deacons one of whom is returned every year in rotation as representative of every company of artificers or handicraftsmen. Though this city from the nature of its situation can never be made either very convenient or very cleanly it has nevertheless an air of magnificence that commands respect. The castle is an instance of the sublime in skite and architecture. Its fortifications are kept in good order and there is always in it a garrison of regular soldiers which is relieved every year. But it is incapable of sustaining a siege carried on according to the modern operations of war. The castle hill which extends from the outward gate to the upper end of the high street is used as a public walk for the citizens and commands a prospect equally extensive and delightful over the county of Fife on the other side of the frith and all along the sea coast which is covered with a succession of towns that would seem to indicate a considerable share of commerce. But if the truth must be told the towns have been falling to decay ever since the union by which the Scots were in a great measure deprived of their trade with France. The palace of Holy Root House is a jewel in architecture thrust into a hollow where it cannot be seen a situation which was certainly not chosen by the ingenious architect who must have been confined to the site of the old palace which was a convent. Edinburgh is considerably extended on the south side where there are buildings built in the English manner and the citizens have planned some improvements on the north which when put in execution will add greatly to the beauty and convenience of this capital. The seaport is Leith a flourishing town about a mile from the city in the harbor of which I have seen above 100 ships lying all together. You must know I had the curiosity to cross the frith in a passage boat and stayed two days in Fife which is remarkably fruitful in corn and exhibits a surprising number of fine seats elegantly built and magnificently furnished. There is an incredible number of noble houses in every part of Scotland that I have seen. Dahlke, Pinkie, Yester, and Lord Hopkins all of them within four or five miles of Edinburgh are princely palaces in every one of which a sovereign might reside at his ease. I suppose the Scots affect these monuments of grandeur if I may be allowed to mingle censure with my remarks upon the people I revere I must observe that their weak side seems to be vanity. I am afraid that even their hospitality is not quite free of ostentation. I think I have discovered among them uncommon page taken to display their fine linen of which indeed they have great plenty their furniture, plate, housekeeping and a variety of wines in which article it must be owned they are profuse if not prodigal. A burger of Edinburgh not content to vie with a citizen of London who has ten times his fortune must excel him in the expense as well as elegance of his entertainments. Though the villas of the Scots nobility and gentry have generally an air of grandeur and state I think their gardens and parks are not comparable to those of England a circumstance the more remarkable as I was told by the ingenious Mr. Philip Miller of Chelsea the gardeners of South Britain were natives of Scotland the verger of this country is not equal to that of England the pleasure grounds are in my opinion not so well laid out according to the genius loci nor are the lawns and walks and hedges kept in such delicate order the trees are planted in prudish rows which have not such an agreeable natural effect as when they are thrown into irregular groups with intervening glades and furs which they generally raise around their houses look dull and funereal in the summer season I must confess indeed that they yield serviceable timber and good shelter against the northern blasts that they grow and thrive in the most barren soil and continually perspire a fine balsam of turpentine which must render the air very salutary and sanitive to lungs of a tender texture Tabby and I have been both frightened in our return by sea from the coast of Fife. She was afraid of drowning and I have catching cold in consequence of being drenched with seawater but my fears as well as hers have been happily disappointed she is now in perfect health I wish I could say the same of Liddy something uncommon is the matter with that poor girl her color fades, her appetite fails and her spirits flag she has become moping and melancholy and is often found in tears her brother suspects internal uneasiness on account of Wilson and denounces vengeance against that adventurer she was it seems strongly affected at the ball by the sudden appearance of one Mr. Gordon who strongly resembles the said Wilson but I am rather suspicious that she caught cold by being overheated with dancing I have consulted Dr. Gregory an eminent physician of an amiable character who advises the Highland air and the use of goat milk way which surely cannot have a bad effect on the born and bred among the mountains of Wales the doctor's opinion is the more agreeable as we shall find those remedies in the very place which I proposed as the utmost extent of our expedition I mean the borders of Argyll Mr. Smollett one of the judges of the commissary court which is now sitting has very kindly insisted upon our lodging at his country house on the banks of Luff-Lomond about 14 miles beyond Glasgow the last city we shall set out in two days and take sterling in our way well provided with recommendations from our friends at Edinburgh whom I protest I shall leave with much regret I am so far from thinking in any hardship to live in this country that if I was obliged to lead a town life Edinburgh would certainly be the headquarters of yours always Matt Bramble Eddin August 8 End of Section 58 Section 59 of the expedition of Humphrey Clinker this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Giesen The Expedition of Humphrey Clinker by Tobias Smollett Section 59 to Sir Watkin Phillips Baronet of Jesus College Oxford Dear Knight I am now little short of the Ultima Thule if this appellation properly belongs to the Orkneys or Hebrides these last are now lying before me to the amount of some hundreds scattered up and down the due Caledonian sea affording the most picturesque and romantic prospect I ever beheld I write this letter in a gentleman's house near the town of Inverary which may be deemed the capital of the West Highlands famous for nothing so much as for the stately castle begun and actually covered in by the late Duke of Argyle at a prodigious expense whether it will ever be completely finished is a question but to take things in order we left Edinburgh ten days ago and the further north we proceed we find Mistress Tabitha the less manageable so that her inclinations are not of the nature of the lodestone they point not towards the pole what made her leave Edinburgh with reluctance at last if we may believe her own assertions was a dispute which she left unfinished with Mr. Moffitt touching the eternity of hell torments that gentleman as he advanced in years began to be skeptical on this head till at length he declared open war against the common acceptation of the word eternal he is now persuaded that eternal signifies no more than an indefinite number of years and that the most enormous sinner may be quit for nine millions nine hundred thousand nine hundred and ninety nine years of hell or fire which term or period as he very well observes forms but an inconsiderable drop as it were in the ocean of eternity for this mitigation he contends as a system agreeable to the ideas of goodness and mercy which we are next to the supreme being our aunt seemed willing to adopt this doctrine in favour of the wicked but he hinted that no person whatever was so righteous as to be exempted entirely from punishment in a future state and that the most pious Christian upon earth might think himself very happy to get off for a fast of seven or eight thousand years in the midst of fire and brimstone Mistress Tabitha revolted at this dogma which filled her at once with horror and indignation she had recourse to the opinion of Humphrey Clinker who roundly declared it was the pulpish doctrine of purgatory and quoted scripture in defence of the fire everlasting prepared for the devil and his angels the reverend master McCorkindale and all the theologists and saints of that persuasion were consulted and some of them had doubts about the matter which doubts and scruples had begun to infect our aunt when we took our departure from her we passed through Lynn Lithgow where there was an elegant royal palace which is now gone to decay as well as the town itself this too is pretty much the case with sterling though it still boasts of a fine old castle in which the kings of Scotland were wont to reside in their minority but Glasgow is the pride of Scotland and indeed it might very well pass for an elegant and flourishing city in any part of Christendom there we had the good fortune to be received into the house of Mr. Moore an eminent surgeon to whom we were recommended by one of our friends at Edinburgh and truly he could not have done us more essential service Mr. Moore is a merry facetious companion sensible and shrewd with a considerable fund of humour and his wife an agreeable woman well-bred, kind and obliging kindness which I take to be the essence of good nature and humanity is the distinguishing characteristic of the scotch ladies in their own country our landlord showed us everything and introduced us to all the world at Glasgow where through his recommendation we were complemented with the freedom of the town considering the trade and opulence of this place it cannot but abound with gaiety and diversions here is a great number of young fellows that rival the youth of the capital in spirit and expense and I was soon convinced that all the female beauties of Scotland were not assembled at the hunter's ball in Edinburgh the town of Glasgow flourishes in learning as well as in commerce here is a university with professors in all the different branches of science liberally endowed and judiciously chosen it was vacation time when I passed so that I could not entirely satisfy my curiosity but their mode of education was preferable to ours in some respects the students are not left to the private instruction of tutors but taught in public schools or classes each science by its particular professor or regent my uncle is in raptures with Glasgow he not only visited all the manufacturers of the place but made excursions all round to Hamilton recently Renfrew and every other place within a dozen miles where there was anything remarkable to be seen in art or nature I believe the exercise occasioned by those jaunts was of service to my sister Liddy whose appetite and spirits began to revive Mistress Tabitha displayed her attractions as usual and actually believed she had entangled one Mr. McClellan a rich ankle manufacturer in her snares but when matters came to an explanation it appeared that his attachment was altogether spiritual founded upon an intercourse of devotion at the meeting of Mr. John Wesley who in the course of his evangelical mission had come hither in person at length we set out for the banks of Loch Lomond passing through the little borough of Dumbarton or as my uncle will have it Dunn-Britain where there is a castle more curious than anything of the kind I had ever seen it is honoured with a particular description by the elegant Buchanan as an arcs in expugnabilis and indeed it must have been impregnable by the ancient manner of besieging it is a rock of considerable extent rising with a double top in an angle formed by the confluence of two rivers the Clyde and the Leaven perpendicular and inaccessible on all sides except in one place where the entrance is fortified and there is no rising ground in the neighbourhood from whence it could be damaged by any kind of battery from Dumbarton the west highlands appear in the form of huge dusky mountains piled one over another but this prospect is not at all surprising to a native of Glamorgan we have fixed our headquarters at Cameron a very neat country house belonging to Commissary Smollett where we found every sort of accommodation we could desire it is situated like a druids temple in a grove of oak close by the side of Loch Lomond which is a surprising body of pure transparent water unfathomably deep in many places six or seven miles broad four and twenty miles in length displaying above twenty green islands covered with wood some of them cultivated for corn and many of them stocked with red deer they belong to different gentlemen whose seats are scattered along the banks of the lake which are agreeably romantic beyond all conception my uncle and I have left the women at Cameron as Mistress Tabitha would by no means trust herself again upon the water and to come hither it was necessary to cross a small inlet of the sea in an open ferry boat this country appears more and more wild and savage the further we advance and the people are as different from the lowland scots in their looks, garb and language as the mountaineers of Breknock are from the inhabitants of Herefordshire when the lowlanders want to drink a cheer-upping cup they go to the public house called the Change House and call for a shoppin of Tuppany which is a thin yeasty beverage made of malt not quite so strong as the table-bear of England this is brought in a pewter stoop shaped like a skittle from whence it is emptied into a quaff that is a curious cup made of different pieces of wood such as box and ebony cut into little staves joined alternately and secured with delicate hoops having two ears or windows it holds about a gill is sometimes tipped round the mouth with silver and has a plate of the same metal at bottom with the landlord's cipher engraved the Highlanders on the contrary despise this liquor and regale themselves with whisky a malt spirit as strong as Geneva which they swallow in great quantities without creation they are used to it from the cradle and find it an excellent preservative against the winter cold which must be extreme on these mountains I am told that it is given with great success to infants as a cordial in the confluent smallpox when the eruption seems to flag and the symptoms grow unfavorable the Highlanders are used to much more animal food than falls to the share of their neighbours in the low country they delight in hunting have plenty of deer and other game with a great number of sheep, goats and black cattle running wild which they scruple not to kill as venison without being much at pains to ascertain the property Inverary is but a poor town though it stands immediately under the protection of the Duke of Argyle who is a mighty prince in this part of Scotland the peasants live in wretched cabins and seem very poor but the gentlemen are tolerably well lodged and so loving to strangers that a man runs some risk of his life from their hospitality it must be observed that the poor Highlanders are now seen to disadvantage they have been not only disarmed by active parliament but also deprived of their ancient garb which was both graceful and convenient and what is a greater hardship still they are compelled to wear britches a restraint which they cannot bear with any degree of patience indeed the majority wear them not in the proper place but on poles or long staves over their shoulders they are even debarred the use of their striped stuff called tartan which was their own manufacture prized by them above all the velvets, brocades and tissues of Europe and Asia they now lounge along in loose great coats of coarse russet equally mean and cumbersome and betray manifest marks of dejection certain it is the government could not have taken a more effectual method to break their national spirit we have had princely sport in hunting the stag on these mountains these are the lonely hills of Morven where Fingal and his heroes enjoyed the same pastime I feel an enthusiastic pleasure when I survey the brown heath that Ossian won't to tread and hear the wind whistle through the bending grass when I enter our landlord's hall I look for the suspended harp of that divine bard and listen in hopes of hearing the aerial sound of his respected spirit the poems of Ossian are in every mouth a famous antiquarian of this country the Laird of McFarlane at whose house we dined a few days ago can repeat them all in the original Gallic which has a great affinity to the Welsh not only in the general sound but also in a great number of radical words and I make no doubt that they are both sprung from the same origin I was not a little surprised when asking a Highlander one day if he knew where we should find any game he replied Sassanach which signifies no English the very same answer I should have received from a Welshman and almost in the same words the Highlanders have no other name for the people of the low country but Sassanach or Saxons a strong presumption that the lowland Scots and the English are derived from the same stock the peasants of these hills strongly resemble those of Wales in their looks their manners and habitations everything I see and hear and feel seems Welsh the mountains veils and streams the air and climate the beef, mutton and game are all Welsh it must be owned however that this people are better provided than we in some articles they have plenty of red deer and roebuck which are fat and delicious at this season of the year they see teams with amazing quantities of the finest fish in the world and they find means to procure very good claret at a very small expense our landlord is a man of consequence in this part of the country a cadet from the family of Argyll the redditry captain of one of his castles his name in plain English is Dougal Campbell but as there is a great number of the same appellation they are distinguished like the Welsh by patronymics and as I have known an ancient Britain called Maddocap Morgan Ap-Jenkin Ap-Jones our Highland chief designs himself Dole Ma'kemish Ma'kul Ichan signifying Dougal the son of James the son of Dougal the son of John he has travelled in the course of his education and is disposed to make certain alterations in his domestic economy but he finds it impossible to abolish the ancient customs of the family some of which are ludicrous enough his piper for example who is an hereditary officer of the household will not part with the least particle of his privileges he has a right to wear the kilt or ancient Highland dress with the purse pistol and dark a broad yellow ribbon fixed to the chanter pipe is thrown over his shoulder and trails along the ground while he performs the function of his minstrelsy and this I suppose is analogous to the pen and or flag which was formally carried before every night in battle he plays before the lair every Sunday in his way to the Kirk which he circles three times performing the family march which implies defiance to all the enemies of the clan and every morning he plays a full hour by the clock in the great hall marching backwards and forwards all the time with a solemn pace attended by the lair's kinsmen who seem much delighted with the music in this exercise he indulges them with a variety of piebrachs or heirs suited to the different passions which he would either excite or assuage Mr. Campbell himself who performs very well on the violin has an invincible antipathy to the sound of the highland bagpipe which sings in the nose with the most alarming twang and indeed is quite intolerable to ears of common sensibility when aggravated by the echo of a vaulted hall he therefore begged the piper would have some mercy upon him and dispense with this part of the morning service a consultation of the clan being held on this occasion it was unanimously agreed that the lair's request could not be granted without a dangerous encroachment upon the customs of the family the piper declared he could not give up for a moment the privilege he derived from his ancestors nor would the lair's relations forego an entertainment which they valued above all others there was no remedy Mr. Campbell being obliged to acquiesce is feigned to stop his ears with cotton to fortify his head with three or four night-caps and every morning retire into the penetralia of his habitation in order to avoid this diurnal annoyance when the music ceases he produces himself at an open window that looks into the courtyard which is by this time filled with a crowd of his vassals and dependents who worship his first appearance by uncovering their heads and bowing to the earth with the most humble prostration as all these people have something to communicate in the way of proposal, complaint or petition they wait patiently till the lair comes forth and following him in his walks with a short audience in his turn two days ago he dispatched above a hundred different solicitors in walking with us to the house of a neighbouring gentleman where we dined by invitation our landlord's housekeeping is equally rough and hospitable and savers much of the simplicity of ancient times the great hall paved with flat stones is about 45 feet by 22 and serves not only for a dining-room but also for a bed-chamber to gentlemen dependents and hangers on of the family at night half a dozen occasional beds are ranged on each side of the wall these are made of fresh heath pulled up by the roots and disposed in such a manner as to make a very agreeable couch where they lie without any other covering than the plaid my uncle and I were indulged with separate chambers and down beds which we begged to exchange for a layer of heath and indeed I never slept so much to my satisfaction it was not only soft and elastic but the plant being in flower diffused an agreeable fragrance which is wonderfully refreshing and restorative yesterday we were invited to the funeral of an old lady the grandmother of a gentleman in this neighbourhood and found ourselves in the midst of 50 people who were regaled with a sump to a feast accompanied by the music of a dozen pipers in short this meeting had all the air of a grand festival and the guests did such honour to the entertainment that many of them could not stand when we were reminded of the business on which we had met the company forthwith taking horse rode in a very irregular cavalcade to the place of interment a church at the distance of two long miles from the castle on our arrival however we found we had committed a small oversight in leaving the corpse behind so we were obliged to wheel about and met the old gentlewoman half way being carried upon poles by the nearest relations of her family and attended by the Koranach composed of a multitude of old hags who tore their hair beat their breasts and howled most hideously at the grave the orator or Sennachy pronounced the panegyric of the defunct every period being confirmed by a yell of the Koranach the body was committed to the earth the pipers playing a piebrach all the time and the company standing uncovered the ceremony was closed with the discharge of pistols then we returned to the castle resumed the bottle and by midnight there was not a sober person in the family the females accepted the squire and I were with some difficulty permitted to retire with our landlord in the evening but our entertainer was a little chagrined at our retreat and afterwards seemed to think it a disparagement to his family that not above a hundred gallons of whiskey had been drunk upon such a solemn occasion this morning we got up by four to hunt the roebuck and in half an hour found breakfast ready served in the hall the hunters consisted of Sir George Kahoon and me as strangers my uncle not choosing to be of the party of the Laird in person the Laird's brother the Laird's brother's son the Laird's sister's son the Laird's father's brother's son and all their foster brothers who accounted parcel of the family but we were attended by an infinite number of gailies or ragged highlanders without shoes or stockings the following articles formed our mornings repast one kit of boiled eggs a second full of butter a third full of cream an entire cheese made of goat's milk a large earthen pot full of honey the best part of a ham a cold venison pasty a bushel of oatmeal made in thin cakes and bannocks with a small wheaten loaf in the middle for the strangers a large stone bottle full of whisky another of brandy and a kilderkin of ale there was a ladle changed to the cream kit with curious wooden bickers to be filled from this reservoir the spirits were drank out of a silver quaff and the ale out of horns great justice was done to the collation by the guests in general one of them in particular at above two dozen of hard eggs with a proportionable quantity of bread, butter and honey nor was one drop of liquor left upon the board finally a large roll of tobacco was presented by way of dessert and every individual took a comfortable quid to prevent the bad effects of the morning air we had a fine chase over the mountains after a row-buck which we killed and I got home time enough to drink tea with Mrs. Campbell and our squire tomorrow we shall set out on our return for Cameron we propose to cross the frith of Clyde and take the towns of Greenock and Port Glasgow in our way this circuit being finished we shall turn our faces to the south and follow the sun with augmented velocity in order to enjoy the rest of the autumn in England where Boreas is not quite so biting as he begins already to be on the tops of these northern hills but our progress from place to place shall continue to be specified in these detached journals of yours always J. Melford Argyleshire September 3 End of Section 59 Section 60 of the expedition of Humphrey Clinker this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings of this historic domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Debra Lynn the expedition of Humphrey Clinker by Tobias Smollett Section 60 to Dr. Lewis Dear Dick about a fortnight is now elapsed since we left the capital of Scotland directing our course towards Stirling where we lay towards a surprising prospect of the windings of the river forth which are so extraordinary that the distance from hence to Aloa by land is but 40 miles and by water it is 24 Aloa is a neat thriving town that depends in a great measure on the commerce of Glasgow merchants of which send hither tobacco and other articles to be deposited in warehouses for exportation from the frith of forth in our way hither and iron work where instead of burning wood they use coal which they have the art of clearing in such a manner as freeze it from the sulphur that would otherwise render the metal too brittle for working excellent coal is found in almost every part of Scotland the soil of this district produces scarce any other grain but oats lid barley perhaps because it is poorly cultivated and almost altogether unenclosed the few enclosures they have consist of paltry walls of loose stones gathered from the fields which indeed they cover as if they had been scattered on purpose when I expressed my surprise that the peasants did not disencomber their grounds of these stones a gentleman while acquainted with the theory as well as practice of farming assured me that the stones far from being prejudicial were serviceable to the crop this philosopher had ordered a field of his own to be cleared manured and sewn with barley was more scanty than before he caused the stones to be replaced and next year the crop was as good as ever the stones were removed a second time and the harvest failed they were again brought back and the ground retrieved its fertility the same experiment has been tried in different parts of Scotland with the same success astonished at this information I desired to know in what manner he accounted for this strange phenomenon and he said there were three ways in which the stones might be serviceable they might possibly restrain in excess in the perspiration of the earth analogous to colloquative sweats by which the human body is sometimes wasted and consumed they might act as so many fences to protect the tender blade from the piercing winds of the spring or by multiplying the reflection of the sun they might increase the warmth so as to mitigate the natural chillness of the soil and climate but surely this excessive perspiration is more effectively checked by different kinds of manure such as ashes, lime, chalk or marl of which last it seems there are many pits in this kingdom as for the warmth it would be much more equally obtained by enclosures the cultivation would require less labor and the plows, heros, and horses would not suffer half the damage which they now sustain these northwestern parts are by no means fertile in corn the ground is naturally barren and moorish the peasants are poorly lodged meager in their looks, mean in their apparel and remarkably dirty this last reproach they might easily wash off by means of those lakes, rivers and rivulets of pure water with which they are so liberally supplied by nature agriculture cannot be expected to flourish where the farms are small the lease is short and the husbandman begins upon a rack rent without a sufficient stock to answer the purposes of improvement I have a strong curiosity to visit many places beyond the Forth and the Tay such as Perth, Dundee, Montrose, and Aberdeen which are towns equally elegant and thriving but the seasons are much more difficult I have a strong curiosity to visit many places beyond the Forth and the Tay such as Perth, Dundee, Montrose and Aberdeen which are towns equally elegant and thriving but the season is too far advanced to admit of this addition to my original plan I am so far happy as to have seen Glasgow which to the best of my recollection and judgment is one of the prettiest towns in Europe and without all doubt it is one of the most flourishing in Great Britain in short, it is a perfect beehive in point of industry it stands partly on a gentle declivity but the greatest part of it is how the streets are reclined the streets are straight, open, airy and well paved and the house is lofty and well built of hewn stone at the upper end of the town there is a venerable cathedral that may be compared with Yorkminster or Westminster and about the middle of the descent from this to the cross is the college a respectable pile of building with all manner of accommodation for the professors and students well provided with astronomical instruments the number of inhabitants is said to amount to 30,000 and marks of opulence and independency appear in every quarter of this commercial city which however is not without its inconveniences and defects the water of their public pumps is generally hard and brackish and in perfection the less excusable as the river Clyde runs by their doors in the lower part of the town and there are rivulets and springs all sufficient to fill a large reservoir with excellent water which might then be distributed to all the different parts of the city it is a more consequence to consult the health of the inhabitants in this article than to employ so much attention in beautifying their town with new streets squares and churches another defect not so easily remedied is the shallowness of the river which will not float vessels of any birthing within 10 or 12 miles of the city so that the merchants to load and unload their ships at Greenock and Port Glasgow situated about 14 miles near the mouth of the frith where it is about 2 miles broad the people of Glasgow have a noble spirit of enterprise Mr. Moore a surgeon to whom I was recommended from Edinburgh introduced me to all the principal merchants of the place here I became acquainted with Mr. Cochran who may be styled one of the sages of this kingdom he was first magistrated at the time of the last rebellion I sat as member when he was examined in the House of Commons upon which occasion Mr. P. observed he had never heard such a sensible evidence given at that bar I was also introduced to Dr. John Gordon a patriot of a truly Roman spirit who is the father of the linen manufacture in this place and was the great promoter of the city workhouse infirmary and other works of public utility had he lived in ancient Rome he would have been honored with the statue at the public expense I moreover conversed with one Mr. G. Blank Lake SSF Blank Lake D whom I take to be one of the greatest merchants in Europe in the last war he is said to have had at one time 5 and 20 ships with their cargo as his own property and to have traded for about half a million sterling a year the last war was a fortunate period for the commerce of Glasgow merchants considering that their ships bound for America launching out at once into the Atlantic by the north of Ireland pursued a track very little frequented by privateers resolved to insure one another and saved a very considerable sum by this resolution as few or none of their ships were taken you must know I have a sort of national attachment to this part of Scotland the great church dedicated to St. Manga the river Clyde and other particulars the lack of our Welsh language and customs contribute to flatter me with the notion that these people are the descendants of the Britons who once possessed this country without all question this was a Cumbrian kingdom its capital was Dumbarton a corruption of done Britain which still exists as a royal borough at the influx of the Clyde in Levin ten miles below Glasgow the same neighborhood gave birth to St. Patrick the Apostle of Ireland at a place where there is still a church and village which retain his name hard by are some vestiges of the famous Roman wall built in the reign of Antony from the Clyde to the fourth and fortified with castles to restrain the incursions of the Scots or Caledonians who inhabited the West Highlands in a line parallel to this wall the merchants of Glasgow have determined to make a navigable canal betwixt the two Firths will be of incredible advantage to their commerce in transporting merchandise from one side of the island to the other from Glasgow we traveled along the Clyde which is a delightful stream adorned on both sides with villas, towns and villages here is no want of groves and tomatoes and cornfields interspersed but on this side of Glasgow there is little other grain than oats and barley the first are much better the last much worse than those of the same species in England I wonder there is so little rye which is a grain that will thrive in almost any soil and it is still more surprising that the cultivation of potatoes should be so much neglected in the Highlands where the poor people have not meal enough to supply them with bread through the winter on the other side of the river are the towns of Paisley and Renfrew the first from an inconsiderable village has become one of the most flourishing places of the kingdom enriched by the linen, flowered lawn and silk manufacturers it was formerly noted for a rich monastery of the monks of Cloigny who wrote the famous Scotty Chronicon called the Black Book of Paisley the old abbey still remains converted into a dwelling house belonging to the Earl of Dundonald Renfrew is a pretty town on the banks of Clyde, capital of the Shire which was here to pour the patrimony of the Stuart family and gave the title of Baron to the son which is still assumed by the Prince of Wales the Clyde we left a little on our left hand at Dunn-Britain where it widens into an estuary or frith being augmented by the influx of the leaven on this spot stands the castle formerly called a Cluid washed by these two rivers on all sides except a narrow isthmus which at every spring tide is overflowed the hole is a great curiosity from the quality and form of the rock as well as from the nature of its situation we now crossed the water of Leaven which though nothing near so considerable as the Clyde is much more transparent pastoral and delightful this charming stream is the outlet of Loughlomond and through a tract of four miles pursues its winding course murmuring over a bed of pebbles till it joins the frith at Dunn-Britain a very little above its source on the lake stands the house of Cameron belonging to Mr. Smollett so embosomed in an oak wood that we did not see it till we were within 50 yards of the door I have seen the Lago di Garda Albano, De Vico, Volcena, and Genova and upon my honor I prefer Loughlomond to them all a preference which is certainly owing to the verdant islands that seem to float upon its surface affording the most enchanting objects of repose to the excursive view nor are the banks destitute of beauties which even partake of the sublime on this side they display a sweet variety of woodland cornfield and pasture with several agreeable villas emerging as it were out of the lake till at some distance the prospect terminates in huge mountains covered with heath which being in the bloom affords a very rich covering of purple everything here is romantic beyond imagination this country is justly styled by the Arcadia of Scotland and I don't doubt but it may vie with Arcadia in everything but climate I am sure it excels at Inverger wood and water what say you to a natural basin of pure water near 30 miles long and in some places 7 miles broad and in many above 100 fathom deep having 4 and 20 habitable islands some of them stocked with deer and all of them covered with wood containing immense quantities of delicious fish salmon, pike, trout, perch, flounders, eels, and powns that last a delicate kind of fresh water herring peculiar to this lake and finally communicating with the sea by sending off the leaven through which all those species except the pown make their exit and entrance occasionally enclosed I send you the copy of a little ode to this river by Dr. Smollett who was born on the banks of it within 2 miles from where I am now riding it is at least picturesque and accurately descriptive if it has no other merit there is an idea of truth in an agreeable landscape taken from nature which pleases me more than the gayest fiction which the most luxuriant fancy can display I have other remarks to make but as my paper is full I must reserve them till the next occasion I shall only observe at present that I am determined to penetrate at least 40 miles into the highlands and now appear like a vast fantastic vision in the clouds inviting the approach of yours always Matt Bramble, Cameron August 28 ode to leaven water on leaven's banks while free to rove and tune the rural pipe to love I envied not the happiest swain that ever trod the Arcadian plane pure stream in whose transparent wave my youthful limbs I want to lave no torrent stain by a limpid source no rocks impede thy dimpling course that sweetly warbles o'er its bed with white round polished pebbles spread while lightly poised the scaly brood in myriads cleave thy crystal flood the springing trout in speckled pride the salmon, monarch of the tide the ruthless pike intent on war the silver eel and mottled par asterisk devolving from thy parent lake a charming maze thy waters make by bowers of birch and groves of pine and hedges flowered with eglentine still on thy banks so gaily green may numerous herds and flocks be seen and last is chanting o'er the pale and separate piping in the dale an ancient faith that knows no guile and industry and brown with toil and hearts resolved and hands prepared the blessings they enjoyed to guard asterisk the par is a small fish not unlike the smelt which it rivals in delicacy and flavor End of Section 60 Section 61 of the Expedition of Humphrey Clinker This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Deborah Lynn The Expedition of Humphrey Clinker by Tobias Smollett Section 61 to Dr. Lewis Dear Doctor If I was disposed to be critical I should say this house of Cameron is two near the lake which approaches on one side to within six or seven yards of the window It might have been placed in a higher site which would have afforded a more extensive prospect under drier atmosphere But this imperfection is not chargeable on the present proprietor who placed it ready built rather than be at the trouble of repairing his own family house of Bon Hill which stands two miles from hence on the leaven so surrounded with plantation that it used to be known by the name of the mavis or thrush nest Above that house is a romantic glen or cliff of a mountain covered with hanging woods having at the bottom a stream of fine water that forms a number of cascades and is descent to join the leaven of great enchanting A captain of a man of war who had made the circuit of the globe with Mr. Anson being conducted to this glen exclaimed Juan Fernandez by God Indeed this country would be a perfect paradise if it was not like Wales cursed with the weeping climate owing to the same cause in both the neighborhood of high mountains and a westerly situation exposed to the vapors of the Atlantic Ocean This air however notwithstanding its humidity is so healthy that the natives are scarce ever visited by any other disease than the smallpox and certain coutaneous evils which are the effects of dirty living the great and general reproach of the commonality of this kingdom Here are a great many living monuments of longevity and among the rest a person whom I treat with singular respect as a venerable druid who lives without pain or sickness among oaks of his own planting He was once proprietor of these lands but being of a projecting spirit some of his schemes miscarried and he was obliged to part with his possession which has shifted hands two or three times since that period but every succeeding proprietor had done everything in his power to make his old age easy and comfortable He has a sufficiency to procure the necessaries of life He and his old woman reside in a small convenient farmhouse having a little garden which he cultivates with his own hands This ancient couple live in great health, peace and harmony and knowing no wants enjoy the perfection of content Mr. Smollett calls him the admiral because he insists upon steering his pleasure boat upon the lake and he spends most of his time in ranging through the woods which he declares he enjoys I asked him the other day if he was never sick and he answered yes, he had a slight fever the year before the union If he was not deaf I should take much pleasure in his conversation for he is very intelligent and his memory is surprisingly retentive These are the happy effects of temperance, exercise and good nature Notwithstanding all his innocence however he was the cause of great perturbation Mr. Manclinker whose natural superstition has been much injured by the histories of witches, fairies, ghosts and goblins which he has heard in this country On the evening after our arrival Humphrey strolled into the wood in the course of his meditation and all at once the admiral stood before him under the shadow of a spreading oak Though the fellow is far from being timorous in cases that are not supposed preternatural he was not in operation but ran into the kitchen with his hair standing on end, staring wildly and deprived of utterance Mrs. Jenkins, seeing him in this condition screamed aloud Lord have mercy upon us, he has seen something Mrs. Tabitha was alarmed and the whole house in confusion When he was recruited with a dram I desired him to explain the meaning of all this agitation and with some reluctance he owned he had seen a spirit an old man with a white beard a black cap and a plaid nightgown He was undeceived by the admiral in person who coming in at this juncture appeared to be a creature of real flesh and blood Do you know how we fare in this Scottish paradise? We make free with our landlord's mutton which is excellent his poultry yard, his garden, his dairy and his cellar which are all well stored We have delicious salmon, pipe, trout, perch and sea at the door for the taking The frith of Clyde on the other side of the hill supplies us with mullet, red and grey cod, mackerel, whiting and a variety of sea fish including the finest fresh herrings I ever tasted We have sweet juicy beef and tolerable veal with delicate bread from the little town of Dunn, Britain and plenty of partridge, grouse, heathcock and other game and presents We have been visited by all the gentlemen in the neighborhood and they have entertained us at their houses not barely with hospitality but with such marks of cordial affection as one would wish to find among your relations after an absence of many years I told you in my last I had projected an excursion to the Highlands which project I have now happily executed under the auspices of Sir George Calcune a colonel in the Dutch service who offered himself as our conductor on this occasion leaving our women at Cameron to the care and inspection of Lady H.C. we set out on horseback for Inverary, the county town of Argyle and dined on the road with the Laird of McFarland the greatest genealogist I ever knew in any country and perfectly acquainted with all the antiquities of Scotland the Duke of Argyle has an old castle in Inverary where he resides when he is in Scotland and hard by is the shell of a noble gothic palace built by the last Duke which, when finished, will be a great ornament to this part of the Highlands as for Inverary it is a place of very little importance this country is amazingly wild especially towards the mountains which are heaped upon the backs of one another making a most stupendous appearance of savage nature with hardly any signs of cultivation or even of population all is sublimity silence and solitude the people live together in glens or bottoms where they are sheltered from the cold and storms of winter but there is a margin of plain ground spread along the seaside which is well inhabited and improved by the arts of husbandry and this I take to be one of the most agreeable tracks of the whole island the sea not only keeps it warm and supplies it with fish but affords one of the most ravishing I mean the appearance of the Hebrides or western islands to the number of 300 scattered as far as the eye can reach in the most agreeable confusion as the soil and climate of the Highlands are ill adapted to the cultivation of corn the people apply themselves chiefly to the breeding and feeding of black cattle which turn to good account those animals run wild all the winter without any shelter or subsistence but what they can find among the heath is so deep and hard that they cannot penetrate to the roots of the grass they make a diurnal progress guided by a sure instinct to the seaside at low water where they feed on the alga marina and other plants that grow upon the beach perhaps this branch of husbandry which required very little attendance in labor is one of the principal causes of that idleness and want of industry which distinguishes these mountaineers in their own country when they come forth into the world they become as diligent and alert as any people upon earth they're undoubtedly a very distinct species from their fellow subjects of the lowlands against whom they indulge in ancient spirit of animosity and this difference is very discernible even among persons of family and education the lowlanders are generally cool in circumspect the highlanders fiery and ferocious but this violence of their passions serves only to inflame the zeal of emotion to strangers which is truly enthusiastic we proceeded about 20 miles beyond the Inverary to the house of a gentleman a friend of our conductor where we stayed a few days and were feasted in such a manner that I began to dread the consequence to my constitution now withstanding the solitude that prevails among these mountains there is no want of people in the highlands I am credibly informed of his own clan and surname which is Campbell and there is besides the tribe of the same appellation whose chief is the Earl of Bridalbon the McDonald's are as numerous and remarkably warlike the Cameron's, Maloud's, Frazier's Grant's, Mackenzie's, Mackay's Mapherson's, Intosh's are powerful clans so that if all the highlanders including the inhabitants of the Isles were united they would be the most powerful and fighting men capable of undertaking the most dangerous enterprise we have lived to see 4,000 of them without discipline throw the whole kingdom of Great Britain into confusion they attacked and defeated two armies of regular troops accustomed to service they penetrated into the center of England and afterwards marched back with deliberation in the face of two other armies through an enemies country I know not any other people in Europe who without the use or knowledge of arms will attack regular forces sword in hand if their chief will head them in battle when disciplined they can fail of being excellent soldiers they do not walk like the generality of mankind but trot and bounce like deer as if they moved upon springs they greatly excel the lowlanders in all the exercises that require agility they are incredibly obstemious they are patient of hunger and fatigue so steeled against the weather that in traveling even when the ground is covered with snow they never look for a house or any other shelter but their plaid in which they wrap themselves up and go to sleep under the cope of heaven such people in quality of soldiers must be invincible when the business is to perform quick marches in a difficult country to strike sudden strokes beat up the enemies quarters and perform expeditions without the formality of magazines baggage forage and artillery the chieftainship of the highlanders is a very dangerous influence operating at the extremity of the island where the eyes and hands of government cannot be supposed to see and act with precision and vigor in order to break the force of clanship administration has always practiced the political maxim divide at impera the legislature hath not only disarmed these mountaineers but also deprived them of their ancient garb which contributed in a great measure to keep up their military spirit and their slavish tenures are all dissolved by active parliament so that they are at present as free and independent of their chiefs as the law can make them but the original attachment still remains and is founded on something prior to the feudal system about which the writers of this age have made such a bother in the discovery, like the Copernican system every peculiarity of policy, custom, and even temperament is effectively traced to this origin as if the feudal constitution had not been common to almost all the natives of Europe for my part, I expect to see the use of trunk hose and buttered ale ascribed to the influence of the feudal system the connection between the clans and their chiefs is without all doubt patriarchal it is founded on hereditary regard cherished through a long succession of ages the clan considered the chief as their father they bear his name they believe themselves descended from his family and they obey him as their lord with all the ardor of feudal love and veneration while he on his part exerts a paternal authority commanding, chastising, rewarding, protecting, and maintaining them as his own children if the legislature would entirely destroy this connection it must compel the Highlanders to change their habitation and their names even this experiment has been formerly tried without success in the reign of James the sixth the battle was fought within a few short miles of this place between two clans, the McGregors and the Coquins, in which the latter were defeated the lair of McGregor made such a barbarous use of his victory that he was forfeited and outlawed by active parliament his lands were given to the family of Montrose and his clan were obliged to change their name they obeyed so far as to call themselves Severally, Campbell, Graham, or Drummond, the surnames of the families of Argyle, Montrose, and Perth that they might enjoy the protection of those houses but they still added McGregor to their new appellation and as their chief was deprived of his estate they robbed and plundered for his subsistence Mr. Cameron of Locale the chief of that clan his father was tainted for having been concerned in the last rebellion returning from France an obedience to a proclamation and active parliament passed at the beginning of the late war paid a visit to his own country and hired a farm in the neighborhood of his father's house which had been burnt to the ground the clan though ruined and scattered no sooner heard of his arrival than they flocked to him from all quarters to welcome his return and in a few days stocked his farm in the neighborhood black cattle which they had saved in the general wreck of their affairs but their beloved chief who was a promising youth did not live to enjoy the fruits of their fidelity and attachment the most effectual method I know to weaken and at length destroy this influence is to employ the commonality in such a manner as to give them a taste of property and independence in vain the government grants them advantageous leases on the forfeited to prosecute the means of improvement the sea is an inexhaustible fund of riches but the fishery cannot be carried on without vessels, casks, salt lines, nets, and other tackle I conversed with the sensible man of this country who from a real spirit of patriotism had set up a fishery on the coast and a manufacturer of course linen for the employment of the poor Highlanders God is here in such plenty that he told me he had seen several hundred taken on one line at one haul it must be observed however that the line was of immense length and had 2,000 hooks baited with muscles but the fish was so superior to the cod caught on the banks of Newfoundland that his correspondent at Lisbon sold them immediately at his own price although Lent was just over when they arrived and the people might be supposed quite ployed with this kind of diet his linen manufacture was likewise in a prosperous way when the late war intervening all his best hands were pressed into the service it cannot be expected that the gentleman of this country should execute commercial schemes to render their vassals independent nor indeed are such schemes suited to their way of life and inclination but a company of merchants might with proper management turn to good account of fishery established in this part of Scotland our people have a strange itch as America when the uncultivated parts of our own island might be settled to greater advantage after having rambled through the mountains in glens of Argyle we visited the adjacent islands of Isla, Jura, Mall and Icomquil in the first we saw the remains of a castle built in a lake where McDonald Lord or King of the Isles formerly resided Jura is famous for having given birth to one McCrane who lived for years in one house and died in the reign of Charles II Mall affords several bays where there is safe anchorage in one of which the Florida a ship of the Spanish Armada was blown up by one of Mr. Smollett's ancestors about 40 years ago John Duke Kvargyle is said to have consulted the Spanish registers by which it appeared that this ship had the military chest on board he employed experienced divers to come in the wreck and they found the hull of the vessel still in tire but so covered with sand that they could not make their way between decks however they picked up several pieces of plate that were scattered about in the bay and a couple of fine brass cannon Icomquil or Iona is a small island which St. Colombo chose for his habitation it was respected for its sanctity and college or seminary of ecclesiastics part of its church is still standing with the tombs of several Scottish, Irish and Danish sovereigns who were here interred these islanders are very bold and dexterous watermen consequently the better adapted to the fishery in their manners they are less savage and impetuous than their countrymen on the continent and they speak the Ur or Gaelic in its greatest purity having sent round our horses by land we embarked in the district of Cowell for Greenock town on the other side of the frith with a curious harbor formed by three stone jetties carried out a good way into the sea Newport Glassgau is such another place about two miles higher up both have a face of business and plenty and are supported entirely by the shipping of Glassgau of which I counted 60 large vessels in these harbors taking boat again at Newport we were in less than an hour landed on the other side within two short miles of our headquarters where we found our women in good health and spirits they had been two days before joined by Mr. Smollett and his lady to whom we have such obligations as I cannot mention even to you without blushing tomorrow we shall bid adieu to the Scotch Arcadia and begin our progress to the southward taking our way by Lanark and Nithsdale to the west borders of England I have received so much satisfaction from this tour that if my health suffers no revolution in the winter I believe I shall be tempted to undertake another expedition to the northern extremity of Cathness unencumbered by those impediments which now clog the heels of yours Matt Bramble, Cameron September 6 End of Section 61 Section 62 of the Expedition of Humphrey Clinker This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org The Expedition of Humphrey Clinker by Tobias Smollett Section 62 To Miss Leticia Willis at Gloucester My dearest Leti Never did poor prisoner long for deliverance more than I have longed for an opportunity to disburden my caress into your friendly bosom and the occasion which now presents itself is little less than miraculous Honest Saunders Macaulay the travelling coachman who goes every year to Wales is now at Glasgow buying goods and coming to pay his respects to our family has undertaken to deliver this letter into your own hand We have been six weeks in Scotland and seen the principal towns of the kingdom where we have been treated with great civility The people are very courteous and the country being exceedingly romantic suits my turn and inclinations I contracted some friendships at Edinburgh which is a large and lofty city full of gay company and in particular commenced an intimate correspondence with one Miss R Blank T Blank N an amiable young lady of my own age whose charm seems too soft and even to subdue the stubborn heart of my brother Jerry but he no sooner left the place than he relapsed into his former insensibility I feel, however that this indifference is not the family constitution I never admitted but one idea of love and that has taken such root in my heart has to be equally proof against all the pulls of discretion and the frosts of neglect Dear Lectie I had an alarming adventure at the Hunters I had an alarming adventure at the Hunters ball in Edinburgh while I sat discoursing with a friend in a corner all at once the very image of Wilson stood before me dressed exactly as he was in the character of Amewel it was one Mr. Gordon whom I had not seen before shocked at the sudden apparition I fainted away and threw the whole assembly in confusion however the cause of my disorder remained a secret to everybody but my brother who was likewise trucked with the resemblance and scolded after we came home I am very sensible of Jerry's affection and now he spoke as well with a view to my own interest and happiness as in regard to the honour of the family but I cannot bear to have my wounds probed severely I was not so much affected by the censure he passed upon my own indiscretion as with the reflection he made on the conduct of Wilson he observed that if he was really the gentleman he pretended to be and harboured nothing but honourable designs he would have vindicated his pretensions in the phase of day this remark made a deep impression upon my mind I endeavoured to conceal my thoughts and this endeavour had a bad effect upon my health and spirit so it was thought necessary that I should go to the Highlands and drink the goat milk way we went accordingly to Low Lomond one of the most enchanting spots in the whole world and what with this remedy which I had every morning fresh from the mountains and the pure air and cheerful company I have recovered my flesh and appetite though there is something still at bottom which it is not in the power of air exercise, company or medicine to remove these incidents would not touch me so nearly if I had a sensible confidant to sympathise with my affliction and comfort me with wholesome advice I have nothing of this kind except Wyn Jenkins who is really a good body in the main but very ill qualified for such an office the poor creature is weak in her nerves as well as in her understanding otherwise I might have known the true name and character of that unfortunate youth but why do I call him unfortunate perhaps the epithet is more applicable to me for having listened to the fall professions of but hold I have as yet no right and sure I have no inclination to believe anything to the prejudice of his honour in that reflection I shall still exert my patience as for Mrs. Jenkins she herself is really an object of compassion between vanity, methodism and love her head is almost turned I should have more regard for her however if she had been more constant in the object of her affliction but truly she aimed at conquest and flirted at the same time with my uncle's footman Humphrey Clinker who is really a deserving young man and one Dutton a debauched fellow who leaving win in the lurch ran away with another man's bride at Burwick my dear Willis I am truly ashamed of my own sex we complain of advantages which the men take of our youth inexperience, insensibility and all that but I have seen enough to believe that our sex in general make it their business to ensnare the other and for this purpose employ arts which are by no means to be justified in point of constancy they certainly have nothing to reproach the male part of the creation my poor aunt without any regard to her years and imperfections has gone to market with her charms in every place where she thought she had the least chance to dispose of her person which, however, hangs till heavy on her hands I am afraid she has used even religion as a decoy though it has not answered her expectation she has been praying, preaching among the Methodists with whom this country abounds and pretends to have such manifestations and revelations as even Krinker himself can hardly believe though the poor fellow is half crazy with enthusiasm as for Jenkins she affects to take all her mistresses' reveries for gospel she has also her heart heavings and motions of the spirit and God forgive me if I think uncharitably but all this seems to me to be downright hypocrisy and deceit perhaps indeed the poor girl imposes on herself she is generally in a flutter and is much subject to vapours since we came to Scotland she has seen apparitions and pretends to prophecy if I could put faith in all these supernatural visitations I should think myself abandoned of grace for I have neither seen heard nor felt anything of this nature although I endeavour to discharge the duties of religion with all the sincerity deal and devotion that is in the power of we are so far on a return to Brambleton Hall and I should feign hope we shall make Gloucester in our way in which case I shall have the inexpressible pleasure of embracing my dear Willis pray remember me to my worthy governess the expedition of Humphrey Clinker this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org the expedition of Humphrey Clinker by Tobias Smollett section 63 to Mrs. Mary Jones at Brambleton Hall Dear Mary, Saunders McCully the scotchman who pushes directly for veils has promised to give it to you into your own hand and therefore I would not miss the opportunity to let you know as I am still in the land of the living and yet I have been on the brink of the other world since I sent you my last letter we went by sea to another kingdom called Fife and coming back had liked to have gone to Pot in a storm what between the fright and sickness I thought I should have brought my heart up even Mr. Clinker was not his own man for eight and forty hours after we got ashore it was well for some folks that we escaped drowning for Mistress was very fractious and seemed but indifferently prepared for a change but thank God she was soon put in a better frame by the private exaltations of the reverent Mr. Macrickadile we afterwards turned to Starling and Grasco which are a couple of handsome towns and then we went to a gentleman's house at La Floming which is a wonderful sea of fresh water with a power of highlands in the midst on it they say as how it has narrow a bottom and was made by a musician and truly I believe it for it is not in the course of nature it has got waves without wind fish without fins and a floating highland and one of them is a crutchyard where the dead are buried and always before the person dies it brings of itself to give warning oh Mary this is the land of conjuration the bell knolled when we were there I saw lights and heard lamentations the gentleman, our landlord has got another house which he was feigned to quit on account of a mischievous ghost that would not suffer people to lie in their beds the fairies dwell in a hole of cairmon amounting hard by and they steal away the good women who are in the straw if so be is how there aren't a horseshoe nailed to the door and I was shown an old vige called Elspeth Ringave with a red petticoat, bleared eyes and a mold of gray bristles on her sin that she might do me no harm I crossed her hand with a taster and bid her tell my fortune and she told me such things describing Mr. Clinker to a hare but it shall never be said that I mentioned a word of the matter as I was troubled with fits she advised me to bathe in the loft which was holy water and so I went in the morning to a private place along with the housemaid and we bathed in our birthday suit after the fashion of the country and behold whilst we dabbled in the loft Sir George Coons started up with a gun but we clapped our hands to our faces and passed by him to the place where we had left our smocks a civil gentleman would have turned his head another way my comfort is he knew not which was which and as the saying is all cats in the dark are gray whilst we stayed at loft-lomming he and our two squires went three or four days turning among the wild men of the mountings a parcel of salvages that lie in caves among the rocks devour young children speak velch but the words are different our ladies would not part in our clinker because he is so stout and so pious that he fears neither men nor devils if so be as they don't take him by surprise indeed he was once so flurried by an operation that he had liked to have sounded he made believe as if it had been the old admiral but the old admiral could not have made his air to stand on end and his teeth to shatter but he said so in prudence that the ladies might not be afeared Miss Liddy has been puny and like to go into a decline I doubt her poor art is too tender but the goat's fey has set her on her legs again you knows goat's fey has mother's milk to a velch woman as for mistress blessed be god she ails nothing her stomach is good and she improves in grease and godliness but for all that she may have infections like other people and I believe she wouldn't be sorry to be called your ladieship whenever Sir George thinks proper to ask the question but for my part whatever I may see or hear not a particle shall ever pass the lips of dear Molly your loving friend win jankins grasco september 7 remember me as usual to sol we are now coming home though not the nearest road I do suppose I shall find the kitten a fine bore at my return end of section 63 recording by Trisha G