 Now, before I start the content portion of this video, I just have a public service announcement to make. Number one, because this question gets asked a lot of me, Jonathan, stop coloring your hair. Folks, I am definitely over 55 years old and I have never colored my hair ever. I just, I do have some gray hair right here and I have some gray hair right here and a few streaks in here, but thankfully the Lord and my mom and dad, there's a picture of them blessed me with hair that hasn't grayed yet, although plenty of gray right here. Number two, for those of you that keep saying, stop dating a younger woman. I know many of you claim that she's practically my daughter and she looks 20 years younger. The fact of the matter is she and I are almost exactly the same age. In fact, she is one year older than me. So for those that keep saying that she's 20 years younger, there's a picture of her right there. Nope, she's actually older than me. All right, that's my public service announcement. Now let's talk about how guys fall in love and what they need to fall in love. And here's the thing about men. The reality is men fall in love when they feel good about the person they're with. That's right, when they feel good about the person they're with, they actually have a capacity to lean into deeper love. And yet we have to examine some of the reasons why this doesn't happen. And I think one of the predominant reasons is because they may not actually love themselves. In fact, the number one emotional, well, let me backtrack. Let's face it, we live in a dysfunctional society, definitely from a perspective of emotional health and mental health. We are rather dysfunctional, at least here in the United States anyway. And while a lot of people might be mature, in other words, they pay their bills on time, they go to work on time, they take care of their responsibilities, a vast majority of humans are very emotionally stunted, and this is true of men and women alike. In fact, did you know the number one emotional health issue facing most people? I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, and I'm not likable. Think about that for a second. I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, and I'm not likable. And this is true for men as well. We have an epidemic, I mean a huge epidemic, not of a virus if you will, but an emotional virus of a significant percentage of human beings that aren't feeling good about themselves. Why is it that the suicide rate for men is eight times more than women, although it's vastly rising with young girls and such as well these days? Why do we have obesity problem? Why do we have so much challenges here? And we are addicted to pharmaceutical drugs to make us feel good. And I say us, I've been there, I've taken those drugs, I can tell you I literally felt suicidal, literally by taking prescribed drugs by my doctor. Why I share this is if a man has to, if a man opens his heart to love, he has to be able to love on himself, he has to be in a good emotional place to love another. And I think what's being neglected these days is a listen, we've been indoctrinated in the fantasy that chemistry equals relationship success. Let me repeat that chemistry equals relationship success. If you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, I'm gonna show it with everyone, it's been a while, but most attraction that you can see the word here, attraction is based on the tip of the iceberg which is chemistry. But true compatibility in a relationship is shared values, blendable lifestyles, and more importantly, emotional maturity. Can you see that? I know it's a little bit hard to see, I'll share that with everyone, emotional maturity. And yet sadly, a significant percentage of the population is emotionally immature and or worse, they have clinical issues. Now ladies, I know you think it's all men and it's not you, but this is, I can tell you speaking as a man who's been out in the dating realm, I can tell you this is true for women as well. This is because we have a significant percentage of the population that has negative patterns and limiting beliefs that stem from childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that have gone unhealed. This is why I continually recommend the book, the Hoffman process, oops, my microphone got pushed, the Hoffman process. By the way, there's a link in the description below for all the books I recommend. This is a deep dive into healing your childhood wounds and traumas so you can actually show up as more of a complete person in the dating process. In fact, many of you know I've written a book called What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work. Why do I recommend my book over and over again? Because here towards the end of the book is all the reading material. Just that alone is worth investigating to invest on oneself. I'm inviting you all to invest one year on yourself because guess what? I just shared with you a man can't really love another if he doesn't love himself and that's the same for you as well. Sadly, here in the United States we are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. And so when we operate from that place, that operate from that place of dependency, no wonder it's a cluster fuck out there in the dating realm. And let me just say that clearly, it is a cluster fuck trying to meet someone that you can actually merge your life with another person. This is why I continually and habitually recommend book after book after book. Why? Because the old days aren't here anymore. Let me talk about what old days look like. Two people lived in the same tribe, boy like girl, girl like boy, or maybe just boy like girl. And he just took her as his property and they made it with each other and bore children just to help create the lineage to help support one another. And this has been going on for tens and thousands, hundreds of thousands of years, excuse me. We've only recently adopted love as our reasoning for being with one another. In fact, sadly, women were treated like property much throughout history. And they operated from a dependent perspective and not actually from a choice-based perspective. And I can tell you now, ladies, what a blessing now that you are not financially dependent upon men that you can actually make the choice of who you want to invest in. The problem is, is you're sifting through a lot of needles in the haystack. By the way, we men as well because of what I shared in the beginning of this broadcast we have an epidemic of emotional pain which makes it difficult for people to actually lean into deeper love. And as I said in the beginning of this broadcast that a man will choose to love one someone when he feels good with this person. And I wanna give you three things to contemplate so you understand what it takes for this to actually happen. And so I wanna pull up my notes most of you know I pull up my trusty notes for these videos. I also wanna thank some of the people that just offered a Super Sticker, Barbara and Faith for all of you. Thank you so much, I really appreciate that. I think there was another one earlier in Crystal as well. Thank you so much for these Super Stickers. I really appreciate it. What did Donna say? So true, loving your podcast. Thank you so much. So I wanna share with you men oftentimes operate from the physical perspective of a relationship. Now I don't mean physical as just in the body. I'm talking about the operate from a logical perspective on the mechanics of a relationship. Most importantly, most men and myself included really operated from the place of being the provider protector. That was the instinctual part of where I began my marriage from that perspective. And while I thought I did my best to be the provider protector, what I really lacked was an emotional baseline for my relationship. And it's no wonder we ended up in divorce because my emotional maturity, my relationship skills was rather weak. In fact, I was practically constipated back then in my 20s. And while I took care of the outer world, and that's what I mean by the physical, men focus on the outer world to really nurture and grow a healthy, happy relationship. It starts with, it begins by working on the inside out instead of hoping that the outside comes in. And many of you are dating from the perspective of the outside hopefully helps you connect with the inner world of a person. And yet sadly, how many times do you begin mating with someone? And what I mean by mating, I mean this kind of mating before you've ever really created a true intimate heart-centered connection. Let me repeat that, a true intimate heart-centered connection. This is why I have recommended this book and it's a hard read, I'll be honest with you. Understanding this book by Robert Masters called Emotional Intimacy. Folks, emotional intimacy isn't this. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. I gotta tell you, most people spend, they spend a significant amount of time on the phone either talking about their day, good or bad or they're bonding with each other's trauma on what negative things that they have going on in their lives and they're bonding in this trauma level. A lot of people going through divorce, bad relationships, issues going at work. And so we're operating as each other's therapist and actually instead of really being introspective and healing and a lot of men, this is the real challenge with men because we're so instinctually focused on being that provider protector. In fact, I wanna share something with you all. I haven't pulled up these notes in a while but these are 10 things you must know before a man is serious about a relationship and I'm gonna share those three things in a second but you need to know this to understand male psyche. And that is first, we have our instinct, that provider protector. We have our biology, that's the pheromones and hormones that makes us wanna have sex with you. We have our socialization as little boys and girls were socialized to be a certain way with respect to genders. Then we have our imprinting as I shared before those childhood wounds and traumas that relates to love attachment style and a mago. And if you're not familiar with these two books it's a very popular book this day attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller as well as Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt. Again, check out these books. Why is this so important? So you can understand the imprinting that happens that causes us to choose people that are not good for us. And this happens, what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. Number five, the age and life experience of a person. Are they marriage minded? Do they have adult traumas? Do they have divorce, job loss, kids baggage in their life? In addition, their cultural and religious differences. Not to mention their social economic stage. Where are they at financially in their life? Their physical health and appearance plays a huge role in the decision making process of a relationship. I know so many women are afraid of relationships because they don't feel good about their body. And this plays a role in all of this. Not to mention if you're an introspective person do you look to working on oneself or are you benign or oblivious to the fact that we all get triggered and wounded and show up with weak emotional skills or relationship skills and lastly, someone's capacity to be emotionally intelligent. All of these factors play into the dynamic if someone has the capacity to actually lean into a healthy happy relationship. As I said before, men focus only about feeling good, feeling good, feeling good and what feels good the most of the time is sexual pleasure. That's why we're hyper focused on that. But ultimately we need these three things to actually, this is what makes us fall in love. So number one, a strong sense of connection or attachment to the person. A strong sense of connection or attachment to the person. And I don't mean an unhealthy attachment like an anxious attachment or an avoidant attachment. I'm just saying you genuinely care about this person. You have a strong connection with them. How does one demonstrate they have a strong connection? Let me make it very simple. A simple way for you to know that a guy is into you is that he consistently makes effort to want to spend time with you after you guys have had sex. He's consistently makes time to wanna spend with you and I mean consistently. Folks, if you're not spending on average of two to three to four days a week together in any given week, it is going to be difficult to develop the deep roots of trust. And trust happens through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, being on the same page financially, speaking each other's love language to one another. If you're not familiar with the book, The Five Love Languages, I highly recommend this. I highly recommend this to see if you actually can build the roots to trust. Folks, many of you are fucking winging it. And trust me, most guys are winging it because they don't study this stuff. I just happen to swim in this stuff because this is what I do for a living. I'm unique in this capacity. My girlfriend says I'm the unicorn in this capacity. Now, let me just tell you this, there are a lot of good men with good head on their shoulders and they don't necessarily have to be a schooled to be a mensch, like I think of my best friend who's a mensch. There are a lot of good men out there. The reality is, is you have to sift through the needles in the haystack. That's why if you need some help and support, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. I teach you how to vet for his emotional maturity. What are the questions based on your personality to ask him to determine if he's a good fit for you? By the way, is this resonating with you? If this is sinking in, please hit that like button. Please share, please subscribe to my channel if you're watching for the first time. Please post a comment below or in the chat box. Okay, number two. Hey, what I'm about to share is the most obvious. We need to have sexual compatibility with you. Folks, this is a big part. Now, look at a lot of guys in midlife. Their libido has dropped substantially, so I get it. But I will tell you, sexual compatibility is part of the decision-making process. Folks, whether we like it or not, we get to a certain age and it really sucks for those men or women who marry people where the sex fucking sucked or it was almost non-existent. So most of us are trying to do it right. The second or third go around. Yes, sexual compatibility is part of the decision-making process to allow oneself to fall in love with another person. And let me tell you, I know women in their mid-70s who are having a lot of regular sex. And I know men in their mid-70s and 80s that are having a lot of regular sex. So sex is still, for those of us in our 50s or 60s, but that's still, we got 20-plus years of that ahead of us and we shouldn't have to compromise in that area. And lastly, number three, and I think this is probably the most important thing of it all for a man to genuinely open his heart to love. He has to have the desire and determination to commit. He has to have the desire and determination to commit. Folks, if you're not familiar with my three types of people who are actively dating, this is not a fact, this is merely an opinion. There are 20% of the populations are users. They seek short-term game. They're love bombers, they're players, they're gold diggers, they're entitled, they're selfish people only caring about their needs. And while I say 20% of the population are growers and builders, they seek long-term commitment. They're emotionally grown up, good relationship skills, they have their act together. The vast majority of people are spenders and what I mean by spenders, they see connection, companionship, coupling, sex. No direction, uncertainty, fearful, usually have a dysfunctional life. They're spending your time without any capacity to grow. Folks, listen, it's a mess out there. It's like walking into a football field of 100,000 people. And I said, you've got 15 soulmates out of this. How are you gonna narrow it down? Well, first, you might wanna wear a bright red outfit. What does that bright red outfit look like? That looks like being crystal clear on who you are, what you want, and have done some work, inner work so you become more of a magnetic attractor to what you want. And as I said before, you have to learn to vet for emotional maturity. And by the way, that's where I come in to help you out because if you can't determine a guy's true capacity, I've worked with women recently. I've just coaching some women in the last few days. Literally, they're not asking the better questions right from the beginning. All they're doing is trauma bonding with another guy, having sex and hoping that somehow magic fairy dust will make this work as if you just sit back in your feminine energy and hope that he's gonna claim you. Folks, there's a new term out there called hardballing. And I highly recommend you start asking the tougher questions before you ever give your heart to a guy because guess what? You're setting yourself up for failure or just hoping that magic fairy dust will solve all of this. And let me tell you something, magic fairy dust doesn't exist. If you want to, listen, I know you would all like to be with men who are just gonna claim you and they're just the leader of the process. I'm here to say you are in charge of your relationship, Destiny, not a guy, which requires you to be more intentional. I recommend this book frequently. I don't love everything in this book, but this book is called Why Men Love Bitches. Bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes, this is an empowerment book. So you can stop giving your power away to men. Sadly, so many of you do that and then you wonder why your relationship life is so miserable. If you wanna change the narrative, then start from the inside out. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, just to remind you those three things men need for them to fall in love. Number one, a strong sense of connection and attachment towards you. Number two, sexual compatibility. And number three, they need to desire and they're determined for commitment before they ever meet you. Because it's really difficult to change someone's mind if they don't have the mindset that they want to be in a committed relationship. Now, commitment can mean different things to different people. By the way, let me pause for a second here. Ladies, I know a lot of you are dating and you're asking guys, you say to a guy, I want a relationship. And the guy says, me too, I want a relationship too. So then you go and say, well, this is what I'm looking for a relationship. I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days a night a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests. We spend time with family and friends. We travel together. We have teamwork building skills, both in our personal and professional life. We have intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads into moving in together or getting married. That's what a relationship means to me. And the guy goes, oh, I'm a deer in the headlights. I just want to take it slow. I just want something casual. Listen, ask a guy, what does commitment look like for you? What does a relationship look like for you? Because if they don't have a sense of what it looks like, then how are they gonna take you the path? It's like asking someone to, you're gonna walk from here to Los Angeles to New York and you're saying, okay, I don't have a compass. I don't have a roadmap. I don't have a GPS. I don't have Google Maps. Forget walking, we'll say driving. Folks, if the guy doesn't have an idea where he's going, how can he be the leader of the relationship? This is why you have to take charge of your relationship, Destiny, and not leaving up to a guy. Is this sinking in? Please let me know. All right, that covers our content portion. Now it's time for Q&A. Those who know my format, if you have a question for me, post the word question and then write the question thereafter or purchase a super sticker, super chat. All the monies from the super sticker, super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's him right there, and that's him right over there. He's my son who passed away four years ago. And in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman Process and Insight seminars. In fact, just last week I donated $500 from the scholarship fund. I think I, yes, $500 to use a super sticker super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. You can pick the amount or you can hit the super thanks if you're watching the replay. And again, if that's to post a question or if you just have a question you don't wanna donate to the cause, write the word question and post the question thereafter. All right, let's go swim in. Cecilia says, which is the best book for dating or relationships with immature men? Hmm, what's the best book for dating or relationships for immature men? You know what, this would be a good book. I think this would be a great book to read. I would read How to Be an Adult in a Relationship. I would read this for yourself first by David Rico. I recommend you reading this first to see how mature you are enough for a relationship. And then you reverse engineer it. You figure out where your deficiencies are and then you notice their deficiencies. That this kind of reminds me of something my girlfriend and I just had a conversation about. So, you know, I'm gonna take a side note here for a second. So I was talking to her the other day about why do you feel you didn't attract a lot of jerks in your dating experiences after your divorce? And what I mean to say, she entered into a few relationships. Nothing over a year, couple short-lived relationships and they were all good men. And so she shared something with me I didn't know about. But so funny for as much time as we spent together and we vomited our lives to one another, I'm still uncovering new things. By the way, when people say, don't tell everything on the first date, it is impossible to tell your whole life in five hours, let alone 50 hours, let alone 500 hours, okay? So she was sharing with me how right after a divorce, her and her girlfriends every Monday night for over a year used to go to this one high-end bar. When I say high-end, she lived in Chicago. One of those more sophisticated kind of bars where guys in suit and ties would show up. And she was, I guess they were doing a raffle every night for a $1,000 pair of shoes. And her girlfriends were always shooting for it. And what was interesting, she said, she got hit on by a lot of guys. She operated from a place of being a bit cautious. Now she used the word suspicious, but I think what she really meant was being cautious. Now why am I sharing this with you? Because she interacted with men organically in real life over and over and over and over again. Now she operated very much like a lady, a class act. If a guy was nice, she'd engage in conversation. She would talk to them. She never dated any of the guys she met in the bar, but she practiced her skills of communication. She practiced her skills of awareness. She practiced her skills of understanding men because there was a crop of guys for the most part. Listen, driven sexually, that's the way we men are. She, if a man who was, let's say not her type was interested in her, but he was a nice gentleman, they'd spend, you know, they'd always offered to buy her a drink, she wouldn't accept. She said, I just, and she would always spoke because she would only have one drink, but she would engage in conversation. And what she said is she really got to understand male behavior in that year and a half, she was going almost every Monday night with her girlfriend. And I think by, she said she began to develop a more sixth sense about guys because she was organically connecting with men. And I thought, wow, you know, with these days because of our devices, you know, we really don't connect organically like we used to. In fact, I haven't met someone organically and I can't remember how long. By the way, she just texted me from the airport. She's heading on a trip to Africa with her and her daughter and she's sitting business class. So she just sent me a picture. So why, again, why did I bring this up? Because you're going to have to become your own detective, your own Nancy Drew, your own Colombo to decipher men. A lot of you have weak skills in this area. That's why I definitely recommend scheduling a call with me because that's my area of expertise. And as I began chatting with her about this, I realized everything I coach, she was doing organically for herself to learn how to read men. Why is this important? Because she ended up always choosing good guys to date, not necessarily a fit for her. That's where she could have used more of my help while she found me. So, but she tended to attract good guys and that's what I want for you. So maybe you need to practice some of your skills out in the real world so you can determine which guys are the liars and which guys are the buyers, so to speak. Is this helping at all? Please let me know. Okay, going back to your question. The best book, I suggest reading that book, Cecilia. Thank you so much. All right, I saw Weijin in the house. Question, what motivates a man to have the desire and determination to have a committed long-term relationship, healthy, since we can swipe left or right on the dating apps? I think this is a great question. You know, after my divorce, the last thing I wanted to do was get remarried. I didn't, I didn't really, I was, first off, I didn't want to remarry, but I knew I wanted a relationship, I wanted a relationship, I wanted a relationship because I wanted companionship, connection and sex. What I was so missing was that capacity to be ready for commitment. So I would go out with a woman, have a great time and it wouldn't work out, my fault. I'd always blame them. And what I mean by blame them, I always thought it was them. Go out with another woman, have a good time, it wasn't right, I'd always, even though I'd tell them it was me, it was really, I thought the problem was them. And so little by little, I realized that ultimately, if I wanna have a happy life, I could play the game of being a player or a serial data, but that wasn't satisfying me. You know, I stopped desiring a hard on and wanted to look for a hard on to go with my hard on. And so a man has to want to connect with someone on an emotional level before they do that. Oftentimes those men need a humbling event, a humbling event. You guys remember the movie, Officer and a Gentleman? Richard Gere and Deborah Winger. You know, here's a guy who was literally the quintessential avoidant personality. He was raised by his father in the military basis. He was beat up as a child, very much a tough kid who couldn't rely and count on anyone, couldn't count on anyone. And he meets Deborah Winger and he grows an attachment to her, strong connection, sexual compatibility, okay? But he was incapable of deeper commitment because he was so deeply wounded. He was so deeply wounded. And he had a difficulty making attachments even with his crewmen or crew people at the boot camp. But he forms an attachment to one guy. Can't remember the actor's name, something Keith. And he commits suicide, his best friend in the group. And he was emotionally distraught after that, devastated. And he had, this is what I call a humbling event. And he retracted for a bit. And then in that moment, he realized what was more important. So what he did was rush to the plant, the paper plant where Deborah Winger was working and took her, swept her off her feet. He needed that humbling moment. I think men in particular need humbling moments before they can really wake up to deeper love. Sometimes it takes a woman to say no for that guy to have a capacity to open up for deeper love. Sadly, most women will take abuse over and over again. They will accept bad behavior. They will compromise their boundaries over and over again. And why do men take advantage of these women? I was watching Dr. Wendy Walsh recently say in one of her videos because she shared a personal experience where this guy she was really into, she asked him, why do you treat me this way? And he said, because you let me. Folks, if you want to attract a higher caliber guy, then you have to stand in your power. Stand in your power. That's why I recommend reading this book. Don't compromise yourself. You don't need a man to love you so you can feel good about yourself. And that's my invitation for you and everyone else is to lean into your power. God, universe, spirit, I lean into my power and I invite in that kind of a relationship where you have mutual chemistry with one another and we can communicate for hours and hours at a time from a healthy, happy place and we are compatible with one another because our lifestyles are blendable and we share the same values and he's an emotionally mature man who's ready for a serious happy relationship and we can build the deep roots of trust through social activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills and most importantly, emotional intimacy as well as our sexual intimacy with one another. God, universe, spirit, I invite that in. And that's my answer to your question. The guy needs a humbling event and I suggest you use that prayer to attract in that great quality guy. Weijin, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, Kimber says, oh, I like that name, Kimber Brown. Question, I met a man who's emotionally healthy and we connect on every level. He has minor children 10 and 15. I'm wondering when you think the right time to meet them. I'm not in a rush. I think when two people decide they're gonna explore a relationship together, that's serious. I think meeting a family, you know, it's hard to say from a timeline. You know, I would say, especially with younger children, I would say once you've, I think with my most significant relationship after my divorce, it was at the four month mark. I'm not saying is that an absolute number, but I would say that's a good time. Four to six month mark somewhere in that range. You have to really decide you wanna explore a serious relationship together and then if you're gonna merge lives together, that's the time to have those conversations, Kimber. Great question, thank you so much. All right, Morgan says, love to you, Jonathan. Sorry I'm late. I love your advice, you're wonderful. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. All right, Jennifer says, question. When a guy says he isn't seeking a relationship, does it mean he's not into you or he really isn't seeking one? I never know if they're lying to spare my feelings. Well, does it matter the why? Does it really matter why? Does it really matter why? Do you wanna spend one minute thinking about a guy who says, I'm not looking for a serious relationship? See, it doesn't matter the why, it could be both. It could be one or it could be the other. How do I know? I had no idea. Men could say it because they're not into you or men could say it because they're not, you're capable. What matters most is that they said it. So what are you gonna do about it? That's what matters most. What are you gonna do about a guy who says I'm not ready for a relationship but I'd really like to fuck you on a regular basis on my beck and call? How do you feel about that? How does that feel? By the way, I'm being rhetorical of course, but nonetheless, Jennifer, I'm being a little harsh on you but I hope you get the gist of what I'm saying. Please let me know that's okay. Thank you so much for your question. I really appreciate it. I wanna thank the Cecilia for the $5 Super Sticker, big hugs to you. Thank you so much. Sarah writes, question. Oh God, I'm getting hot here. Question, he went to California and didn't tell me. He apologized when he got back. I asked if I need, I asked if I need, and asked if I need help financially. Don't know what he wants exactly. By the way, that's not a question, Sarah. That's a statement. So if you have a question, please let me know. Rewrite it for me, thank you so much. Why doesn't the super chat button show up? There should be a little dollar sign with a couple options there. I can't really tell. Barbara says, question. Guy asked me to dance, told him no. He asked why, said I needed self-care, leg bothered me, he was upset, said Barbara forgot, said Barbara forget it. Is this a red flag? He is still annoying at me. Sounds like he doesn't really, I mean, you know, if you graciously said no by saying, hey look, my leg is bothering me, I'm just not capable of dancing, and he gets upset, that's a guy with issues. Does it matter why he has issues? But is it a red flag? Yeah, when someone doesn't appreciate your physical status and they act kind of confrontational about it, that's not a good sign. Yes, it's a red flag. Okay, Sonya says, question. How tolerant should I be, should one be to accommodate issues like non-negotiables? You know, I don't like these arbitrary questions because that's so tough. Give me something specific, something with meat. You know, I'm a believer of being compassionate to all human beings and understanding and yet never compromise your boundaries. So here's the non, here's the thing. If it compromises your boundary and a boundary simply means what's okay and what's not okay for me. If you're not familiar with the work of Brene Brown, I highly recommend reading the book, Daring Greatly, one of her many books. How the courage to be vulnerable transformed the way we live, love, parent and lead. Boundaries, start reading her work, following her work. If it compromises your boundaries, that's your non-negotiable. All right, thank you so much for your question. Amy says, thank you for the $5 Super Sticker, Amy. In your opinion, do men want to marry and have children with women who are in their early 40s? The reality is, I think just purely from a biological perspective, it's much harder for a woman to have children in her 40s. I think men recognize that they're more apt, more likely to begin dating someone, figuring that's gonna take two years to really develop a relationship and maybe another year of marriage before two people are gonna consider children. I think a man probably isn't going to, I'm saying more often than not, not consider someone who's 42, 43, 44 years old. That's not an absolute. Certainly older men might consider that, but then older men have a less of a propensity to want to have children, especially if they already have children. So again, there's always the exception to the rule, but I would say more often than not, it's not always a deal breaker, but you better ask some better questions early on to determine if they're actually a fit for you to invest time in someone if you want to have children. So thank you for that question, Amy. I appreciate it. Sir, oh boy, the text put in place. Jonathan, love it. Thank you so much. All right, let's go swim in. Let's go swimming. Jennifer says, what about something's gotta give with Jack Nicholson? He was a player dating a younger woman, young woman and fell in love with Diane Keaton. Hey, first off, that's a movie and yet it does happen. I think Keanu Reeves' girlfriend is older than him. So yes, that does, not that, I mean, look it. I'm in my midlife. My partner is my age. I've dated younger women. I've dated older women than me. My partner, there she is, my beloved, my girlfriend right now who's on an airplane to Africa as we speak or is about to take off. I'm gonna call her in a few minutes. We're the same age. So yes, that happens all the time. So thank you so much. By the way, Morgan said David Keith from Tennessee, that's who was Richard Gehr's friend in the movie, Officer and a Gentleman. So thank you so much. I appreciate that. Sarah writes, question. I asked if I wanna be friends only he said, whenever he sees me, we wanna have sex with E. Does he, with E, wait a minute. Question, I asked if he wanna be friends only he said, whenever he sees me, sees me, he wanna have sex with E. I'm assuming ecstasy. Does that mean he wanna be friends or more? Sounds like he just wants to have friends with sex. That's, I mean, it sounds like friends with benefits, but I'm having a hard time deciphering it. So that's my guess anyway. So thank you so much for that question. I appreciate it. Sorry for butchering your name. Should I entertain a relationship with a man that is in his PhD program for physics but is not established financially? We've been talking for a while and addressing courtship. Roll the dice. One thing I like about scientist types, a lot of women think they're boring, but it's funny. My ex-wife's mother remarried after her father had a divorce and he was an engineer. And I was at, and this person just passed away and I was at the funeral. And it was just a bunch of nerds, a bunch of engineers. And I thought to myself, nerds make great partners. They tend to be loyal. They tend to have a warp sense of humor. And they tend to be practical. That they may not be exciting. They may not be like the bad boy or whatnot, but they tend to be really good men. Scientists, nerds, engineers, accountants, tend to be, there's a pragmatism within these men. I'm not saying as an absolute, but someone doesn't have to be financially set to be a good person. After, listen folks, when I got divorced, shortly there, I used to make a quarter million dollars a year. And I lost my quarter million dollar a year job. I got wiped out in the market crash of 2008 and nine. At one time I was worth, before I got divorced, 1.5 million. This was 17 years ago. And I got, we split our assets, got a divorce and I was wiped out financially and I'd lost my job. In my mid-40s, I was living with my mom and dad in a retirement home and I used to live in a $2 million home prior to my divorce. I was at the bottom of the pit, pit of despair. I was doing drugs and alcohol just to get through the day. It was tough. And then I found my passion, helping women. At first, just I was a serial dator and I was helping women improve their online dating profiles with just the women I was talking to online. And little by little, I was rebuilding myself. I was reading books, started with Tony Robbins, then it was Louise Hay, then it was The Secret, then it was Abraham Hicks and Wayne Dyer and The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer and then there was Marianne Williamson, just to name a few. Then there was all these other relationship books and as I started to lean into my passion, I built, now I built a substantial nest egg in the last decade. And so someone can be rock bottom. It doesn't mean they're always gonna stay there. What matters most is the character of their heart. Sometimes that's hard to determine. But I think it's good to look at someone's past, look at where they're at and you have to kind of forecast their potential. Now that's not easy to do because we can often put faith into someone's potential who doesn't have that capacity. And yet the same time, you know, life is a gamble. It's a roll of dice. Sometimes we have to take, we've got to roll that dice and if you feel like the person has strong character of heart. That's my invitation for you, Celine. Thank you so much for that question. Ah, question from Rokey. I can't pronounce your name. I've been in a relationship for nine months. I have a son who's 13. Is it okay for him to start parenting my son if my son says he hasn't earned his respect? You know, I'll be candid with you. These are questions a little bit outside of my scope. I think I would talk to a child psychologist to get their perspective on that one. I'm a dating a relationship coach. I have my gut feelings on this one, but I would definitely recommend seeking a child psychologist to get their perspective or a social worker to get their perspective because I think that would be more beneficial to you than me giving advice on, okay? Rosie, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Kimber says, thanks, Jonathan. I really value and appreciate your advice. Thank you, Kimber. I appreciate that. Hey, if you have a personal question for me, I'm gonna wrap up this video shortly. I am open to answering any personal questions you have of me. So let's see what got here. Oh, we've got a question from Weejin. Weejin, thank you, dear Jonathan. I've been learning a lot from you and many books you suggest you've changed my life. I love myself now more than ever. Weejin, big, gigantic hugs. Sending you off with a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. Cecilia says, what about the book I hear you? Should I look for it? I click with one chapter. Yes, that book is an amazing book I hear you. It teaches you better skills. So definitely I recommend that book. All right, let's keep swimming. Cynthia says, I love engineers, yay. Jane Beane says, you've described me. I'm officially a nerd, way to go. Jane P says, how do you broach red flags you see with your friend's boyfriend? With your friend, ooh. Okay, folks, my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work. Chapter one, we'll go to chapter one. Chapter one, sorry, it's taking so long. Read this, speak your truth, do it with kindness. Folks, if you're gonna tell someone your feelings about something, do so from a heart-centered place. Speak your truth, do it from a kind place because if it's sincere and from the heart, you really can't say the wrong thing to the right person even if it's a friend. So definitely speak your truth from a heart-centered place, okay? Jane P, thank you so much. Debbie says, thank you, you are amazing. You have changed my life. When I start dating, I'll definitely call to help with the vetting process. I'm honored, definitely folks, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Listen, I'm gonna call my girlfriend right now. She's getting on an airplane, heading off to Africa for two weeks with her daughter and I wanna catch her before she takes off. Folks, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for allowing me to enter in your life today to share a bit of what I believe can make a difference in your life when it comes to dating, mating or relating. I just wanna remind you those three things men need before they can truly open their hearts to love. First, they need that strong connection and attachment with that person being you. Second, you need that sexual compatibility. And third and most importantly, they need to be determined and desire commitment before they can actually ever lean into commitment because without it, all they're gonna do is be a time spender of yours and that's the guys that want companionship, connection and sex without any real desire for something long-term. Again, I hope you found value in this police coast. To comment below, please share this video with friends. Please hit the like button, please subscribe and I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Barak of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Weegean and Cecilia and Barbara and Jennifer and Claudia and Cache and Jane and Grace and Karen and Debbie and papapapapa, Rosie and Cynthia, Claudia, so-called reality. Thank you so much. Thank you all for the super stickers. Have a fabulous evening, big hugs. Bye-bye now.