 Why not make one more attempt to scare him up to Outpost Road tonight? Because, for the third time this week, I'll be stuck with some extracurricular work for our beloved principal. Mr. Conklin's presiding over election meetings at his club, and since they have no secretary, he's hired me to take down the minutes. Oh, that's probably Walter Denton. Come in! Oh, I'll see you later, for me here. I'll duck out the back way. All right, Angela, see you after school. Oh, to rubble, trouble, toil, and trouble, cauldron boil, and something, something bubble. That's from the witches scene at Macbeth, Mr. Brooks. Thanks, Walter. Sounded like the comedy highlight of East Lynn. But what's your toil and trouble, Mac? It's Mr. Conklin. Gosh, I hope he doesn't find out where I took his daughter, Harriet, last night. I told him I was taking her to the movies. And where did you take her? We parked up on Outpost Road. Oh, that's fine. It sure was. You know, incidentally, we cruised by a few teachers who were parked along the way, Miss Brooks, and evidently their minds were far, far away from the old blackboard. Oh, that's different, Walter. They're adults. While you and Harriet are only children, the difference in your ages is great. I'll say it's a great boy. You can hear us girdling at each other. What we say doesn't make much sense, but it sure is fun saying it. I can imagine. But why are you snorting all this to me, Walter? Well, because I need your help, Miss Brooks. I wound up in a heap of trouble. Well, you came to the right heat. What's your beef? Well, shortly after I returned home last night, a woman named Mrs. Gorman dropped over and told me that she lives at 1209 Outpost Road. That's the house that Harriet and I had parked in front of. So? So Mrs. Gorman heard every honeyed word we cued to each other and then jotted down my license number, which was simple to trace in as much as she happens to be a policewoman at Juvenile Hall. A policewoman? Yeah. What a dandy place I picked apart. Lucky my folks weren't home, Miss Brooks. At least I had time to get the old bean working. Since Mrs. Gorman didn't actually see who was in it, I cooked up the yarn that Harriet and I hadn't used the car last night and that the entire matter was simply a case of mistaken identity. Mistaken identity? Yeah. I told her that every night I lend my car to you and Mr. Boynton. That was quick thinking, Walter. I've got to hand it to who? Under Mrs. Gorman's cold stare, your name is just spouted from my lips like a geyser. Well, that's the last time you'll turn your oral hose on me, geyser. Now of all, now take it easy, Miss Brooks. There's no reason for you to be embarrassed when Mrs. Gorman catches you and Mr. Boynton in my car tonight. When Mrs. Who catches me and which and what, when? It's this way, Miss Brooks. She didn't believe my story till I told her that you and Mr. Boynton will be borrowing my car again tonight and you'll probably park right under her window and schmoozzle again. So when she hears you two gurgling at each other, she can sneak out to the car and take a look at you for herself. Huh? Well, nothing can happen to you, Miss Brooks. She's a juvenile authority. But if she reported me and Mr. Conklin, I'd be expelled. Won't you help me, Miss Brooks? Well, I'll tell you what I'll do, Walter. If I can persuade Mr. Boynton to cooperate, I'll help you. And if not? If not, you'll have to forget it. I'd look ridiculous up there schmoozling by myself. Hidey up your desk for you, Daddy. That won't be necessary, Harriet. I'll just stay with you. Oh, good morning. Mother! Mother, what are you doing at school? Please run along, Harriet, dear. I have an extremely personal matter to discuss with your father. All right, Mother. I'll see you later, Daddy. Bye now. Well, this is certainly an unexpected pleasure, Douglas. It's no pleasure, Ozgood. When I was in the market a few minutes ago, I had a dreadfully disturbing chat with the grocer. He happens to be a very good friend of a Mrs. Gorman. And who is Mrs. Gorman? She is a policewoman at juvenile hall. Have you read the newspaper stories concerning high school students necking on Outpost Road? I have, and I'm appalled. Thank heaven I brought up Harriet in an atmosphere of discipline and righteousness. You see now how my iron hand has paid off? I'm proud indeed to feel that my daughter has... Let me finish, Ozgood. Mrs. Gorman lives on Outpost Road. Now, last night, according to what she told the grocer, she eavesdropped on a couple who were parked in front of her home. The car belonged to Walter Denton. And you know who he was with last night. Your daughter. And that liver-liped longhead told me he was taking... The car to another couple whose names the grocer couldn't recall. For Harriet's sake, I'm hoping it's such as the case. But until we have proof of any wrongdoing on their part, Ozgood, I think it would be unwise of you to discuss the matter with either Harriet or Walter. You're right. Don't you worry. You're pretty little head about this green boat. I'll conduct a quiet but thorough investigation and parry it out the proof. You can depend on me. Good. Now I'll run on home. Oh, there's one thing more, Ozgood. I heard a report that several faculty members, as well as students, sometimes park on Outpost Road. Faculty members? Oh, I'd love to get my hands on them. Outpost Road, eh? It's quite a busy place. Good morning, sir. Oh, how nice to see you, Mrs. Conklin. Oh, thanks, Miss Brooks. Well, I was just leaving. See you soon, I hope. I hope so, too, Mrs. Conklin. Now, don't worry about things, sweetie. I'll investigate thoroughly that little matter we discussed. Very well, Ozgood. Goodbye, Miss Brooks. Goodbye, Mrs. Conklin. There's something I have to tell you, Miss Conklin. I have an important engagement tonight, and I'm afraid I won't be able to make it over to your club. Well, that's quite all right, Miss Brooks. I shall have to go into the club, either. Something has arisen that will need my undivided attention this evening. Oh, well, that's fine. I'll run along to class now, sir. Do that, and bear in mind, if you will, that from this day forward, I want you and all of my teachers to be on your best classroom behavior. Remember the task of building decent citizens in our schools, which boils down to a case of monkey-sea monkey-doo. Monkey-sea monkey-doo? Exactly. At a certain age, we are highly impressionable. We learn many things by observing and copying the behavior of those around us who are more experienced in the ways of the world. Therefore, Miss Brooks, would you promise me that you will watch the actions of your students very carefully? Naturally, Mr. Conklin. Before tonight, I want to learn everything I can. Well, at lunch in the school cafeteria, I explained the kid's predicament to Mr. Boynham. Then, to my delighted surprise, he agreed to take their places with me on Outpost Road that evening. Then I made a delightful suggestion. A thing like this needs rehearsing, don't you think, Mr. Boynham? I suggest that after lunch, we go up behind the gym and practice the kissing. Well, that won't be necessary. I remember exactly how he did it when I kissed you last Christmas. I know, but this time, you'll have to do it without the Santa Claus beard. Hiya, folks. Do you mind if I sit down? Oh, please do, Walter. Mr. Boynham's agreed to go along with your scheme, Walter. Oh, that's great. I knew you'd come through for me, Mr. Boynham. In fact, I just typed your parts out in the typing class. Our parts? Well, sure. Well, this is just like making a movie. You've got to know your lines. If your dialogue isn't exactly like Harriet's and mine was last night, Mrs. Gorman might get wise. Now, here's your part, Mr. Boynham, and yours, Mr. Brooks. Okay. Now, let's run through a quick rehearsal right now. I'll set the scene. On action, Mr. Boynham parks car in front of 1209 Outpost Road. He turns off headlights and cuddles Mr. Brooks in his arms. Your first line, Mr. Boynham. Go on. Read it. No, uh, yes. Well, here we are, sugar cookie. Let's neck. Kisses her madly. Read your line, Mr. Brooks. Stop breathing so hard, dreamboat. You're theming the windshield. Post we meet at my house at 7.30. Then after a final rehearsal, I'll give you the keys to my car, Mr. Boynham. Then you can drive, Mr. Brooks, off to Mrs. Gorman's house by 8. Okay? Frankly, I don't like this scheme at all, Waller. I'll only go through with it if Mr. Brooks insists. Well, what do you say, Mr. Brooks? Nobody's looking. If I can just conceal myself in the back seat. Oh, it's Angela Devon. I'm on my way to catch the 8 o'clock movie, and it's only 7.45 now, so I thought I'd drop in on Mrs. Compton and ask her to join me. My wife? You mustn't tell her you saw me. I told her I was going to the club. What? Oh, well, I'm conducting a little investigation without my wife's knowledge. I have good reason to believe that my daughter Harriet is in that house with Walter Denton, and that very shortly they will be hiding themselves off to a clandestine clam bake on our coast road. Therefore, I intend to hide myself in the back seat of Denton's car here and find out how they behave themselves when they think they're alone. Oh, now that's a pretty mean trick. Well, I'm doing it for their own good. You may rest assured that should I catch them red-handed, I'll merely speak to them in a very fatherly manner. Certainly no concern of mine. I'd better go to the movies by myself tonight. Good night. Good night, Angela, and good riddance. You see, I must open the back seat of this jalopy. There we go. Pull this blanket over me. Oh, that's fine. Right, Mr. Boynton? Yes, Mr. Brooks. I'll slide in first if you don't mind. Oh, fine. You sit behind the wheel and I'll sit at a respectful distance until we arrive at our destination. Mr. Brooks, do you call that a respectful distance? Oh, I forget. You can't see the road if I'm on your lap. Well, with Mr. Conklin concealed in the back seat of Walter's jalopy and an unsuspecting Mr. Boynton and Mr. Brooks on the front seat, they make quite an incongruous threesome as they approach the outpost road. Well, we're almost there, Mr. Brooks. You hardly said a word during this entire trip. Oh, forgive me. I'm thinking of what I'm going to say when we park. You know, it could be my imagination, Mr. Boynton, but I've noticed something rather strange. Strange? The back of this car seems more underslung than it was this morning. Walter's probably carrying something heavy back there. Must be a tub of lard. You know, I can hardly make out the house numbers in this darkness. Oh, that's the place over to the right. It's 1209 outpost road, Mr. Brooks. Good. Now, let's start the action. Turn off the ignition, Mr. Boynton, and speak up. OK. Well, here we are, sugar cookie. Come to daddy, my little heart flutter. Love, duck. Yum, yum. Did you ever learn to kiss like that? Siphoning gas for Mr. Constance's car. Must be models for my students, necking like a couple of giraffes. We were just trying to act like Walter and Harriet when they were up here last night. Mr. Boynton. It slipped out. So Harriet and Liva Lips were a... Gorman, juvenile hall police woman who lived here at 1209, overheard them exchanging puppy love phrases, but she didn't see them. So when she traced Walter, he pretended he'd lent his car to Miss Brooks and me. Then he asked us if we'd drive up here tonight in the same car and reenact what he and Harriet did last night. Very interesting. However, the number on the house to the right is 1009. 1209 must be a couple of blocks up the street. Now then, Miss Brooks, am I to glean from your gushing performance with Mr. Boynton that my daughter spoke in a similar manner to Walter Denton last night? Well, yes, sir. Her mother must never know. We've got to throw Mrs. Gorman off Harriet's trail once and for all. Boynton, I want you to drive Miss Brooks up to 1209 and do a rebroadcast of the dribble I heard a minute ago. Not me, sir. I didn't want to do it in the first place. Mr. Boynton, where are you going? You two can figure out the next scheme, Miss Brooks. I'll walk down the hill and catch a bus. Good night, Paul. Mr. Boynton. Let him go, Miss Brooks. You and I can play the scene. Just hop into the driver's seat and away we go. Here, by the window, you'll be able to hear everything, Mr. Conkel. Oh, thank you, Mrs. Gorman. It's very kind of you to allow me into your home so that I might personally conduct this investigation. You're very welcome, my dear. I think parents ought to know what's going on these days. Oh, how right you are. I would have brought my husband along, but he's busy at the club. Poor Oshgood. He's been working like a dog at election meetings every single night. There, that car pulling up. It's the same one that was here last night. Oh, I do hope your daughter isn't in it. Well, let's be quiet, and I'll see if I can recognize the boy. Well, here we are again, sugar cookie. He said she annoyed him. Well, now I know he's working at the club, is he? What are you saying, Mr. Conkel? Well, love duck out there is my husband. And doll face is an English teacher. Follow me, Mr. Conkel. You can slip out the side door and sneak up on them. Thanks. Crazy mixed-up principle. Oh, cool, doll. Cool, cool, cool. Put your heart into the bubbling waters of ecstasy. Yes, Captain. And now tell me those three little words that I'm longing to hear. How's the club?