 So today we're going to explore the telltale signs. He's officially fallen in love with you without saying it And we're going to basically explore love today. So I want to take a biblical quote By the way, this is not I'm not necessarily a biblical person, but I really do like this quote and it says Love is patient. Love is kind Love does not envy. Love does not brag. Love is not proud Love does not behave itself inappropriately Love does not seek its own way Love is not provoked. Love takes no account of evil Love does not rejoice in its unrighteousness. Love rejoices with the truth Love bears all things. Love believes all things. Love hopes all things and love endures all things Corinthians 13-40 or 4.7 Okay Again, I'm not a scripture person by nature. However, I just love what it shares there and yet We've observed most humans might find themselves in what they believe is love and are not actually Experiencing love with another person. So let me just share with everyone this title was something I saw on another YouTube channel by them Person by the name of sleeves sleaze the man I briefly watched his video for like maybe one minute. So this content is my own And if there's any similarities because truth is rather universal So let's explore the difference between love and love attachment. That's right. Love and love attachment See what shared in Corinthians is that like the the core of what love is on a on a deep Inner level and yet we oftentimes believe we're in love with another person for mostly unhealthy reasons, so if you're not familiar with the following three books, okay First I'm gonna talk about the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller There's a link below to get a copy of all the books I recommend the next book is getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt and I also Recommend reading Dr. Stan Tatkin's book wired for love wired for love And by the way, he was a guest on my YouTube channel So if you type in his name on my channel, you'll see the interview I did with him So the basic premise is in the book attached by Amir Levine Rachel Heller and wired for love by Dr. Stan Tatkin is That we humans have something known as love attachment style and there's four Basic styles and within these styles there is some variations within this and these styles include anxious fearful avoidant dismissive avoidant and Secure okay now most everybody believes that they have what's known as a secure attachment style I personally believe that we all have a default attachment style and the way these attachment styles Surface in our life is it's basically it's a reflection of who our primary caretaker was Where there was our parents our grandparents maybe a sibling that was our primary caretaker growing up and how we bonded with those people Okay, reflects what's known as attachment style so what you see frequently is an anxious a person a person that Probably feels a little bit over needy. It's just a simplistic way of saying it Is attracted to an avoidant person someone who doesn't show their emotions and because of this push-pull dynamic We believe that this is love We've incorporated that this is love in the book getting the love you want by Harbell Hendricks and Helen Hunt there's something referred to as the Amago the Amago that's I am a G oak and someone put that down Amago what this is is Basically related to our parents. We oftentimes choose a partner. This is a Simplistic version of it that's similar to one or both of our primary caretakers in In that we have a need that we didn't get from that caretaker And so we choose a partner that's similar to that caretaker Because we're trying to get a need met that we didn't get growing up and Because of this humans have kind of incorporated the idea that this is love for them and yet And so ladies you might have experienced this. I've witnessed women who do this habitually They are attached to a person who is unhealthy for them. They're attached to a person that is unhealthy for them They're not good for them. They don't check the boxes. They're inconsiderate And yet we find ourselves Gravitating towards these people who are not necessarily good for us And this is something rather habitual that's happening in the dating marketplace So then the question is what is real love? That's a great question to ask yourself to me when Okay, the next time I say I love you to a person This is what it means for me and and let me know if this resonates with you if it does hit that like button Okay, to me. I love you means I'm here You matter We are important. I've got your back I'm not going anywhere and I only want you so I'm here means I'm present to this relationship I'm not stuck in the past I'm not looking for the bigger better deal going forward. In other words, I'm not constant I'm you know, if I've said I love you to you. I'm not constantly swiping on other people I'm not revisiting a past relationship wanting to go back. I'm here. I'm present in That same vein you matter Okay, it's the same thing you matter in my life. I'm not thinking about past relationships I'm not thinking about future relationships you matter in my life We are important That means our relationship is a separate entity meaning if there's something to treasure in this separate entity Because there's a you there's a me and then there's a we collectively and I honor that we I'm here. You matter We are important. I've got your back Isn't that kind of the essence of what we want to experience love when we know someone has our back When they're there for us when we need them and it could be as simple as saying hey, sweetheart Can you take me to the airport at 4 a.m. Because I got to catch a 6 o'clock fight and there's an hour of traffic to get there Or whatever it is what what I've got your back means to you It just means I'm going to be there when you need me I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere. This means I'm fully Committed to this relationship. I have no intent to go elsewhere. I'm fully committed and Lastly number six, I only want you that means I only want to be physically intimate with you I'm not interested in swiping all day on Instagram's Posts, you know fantasizing about some other woman. I only physically want you To me, that's the essence of saying I love you. That's the essence of being in love in a romantic sense So as I was preparing for this Video and I'm going to share five signs with you in just a moment five signs that are Telltale signs a man officially has fallen in love with you without saying it I was exploring my foremost Significant relationships, okay in my and to me a significant relationship is something that lasts over one year My first girlfriend when I was 19 years old. I Was clueless at 19 years old. I I I didn't know if I loved her or was attached Or I don't know what was going on I was just clueless It was nice to have someone that you could be with and be physically intimate with and spend time with friends Okay, I had no clue what I was doing The next person Was my my first or and or my ex-wife? I've only been there once and again I was rather child when I met her even though I was in my late 20s when we got married Emotionally, I was a five-year-old and I was following programming that programming that we all had if you're a baby boomer or Gen Xer like I am Late late baby boomer early Gen Xer We were taught to go to college get a job meet somebody get married buy a house start a family I was following that programming and Many of you most likely did the same thing. That didn't mean I loved it just simply meant I was following the programming and then when I went through a divorce I Went through a huge up evil in my life because at the time I went through a divorce. I Lost my high-end paying corporate job the market crash of 2008 2009 affected us And I was going through a divorce this perfect storm of emotional dysfunction So the next woman I met which I ended up having a six-year on again off again relationship I was a train wreck when I met her and Thankfully she was one of those loving beings that love and supported me during this time not financially supported me She's a therapist So I think she took you know on some level therapist often times choose projects And I was certainly a project for her, but I know I came into her life to heal in some way shape or form for her So why am I bringing this up because my most significant relationship that ended recently and even though it wasn't my choice I think for the first time I Experienced what I think is the closest thing to the kind of love that's described in Corinthians And while it wasn't perfect, I'm recognizing that the following five signs I'm about to share Seemed most prevalent to me in our relationship And maybe this conversation will help you determine if it's the same for you with a man You're with or somebody you hope to be with in the future Do most of you remember any of you remember the TV show sex in the city? Is it sex and the city or sex in the city? I always mix that up sex in the city Or sex in the city In the first episode, I think it was the tail end of the first episode when Kerry is saying goodnight to mr. Big I think he was in a in a limousine or had a driver a car and She knocks on the window as he's prior to leaving and he says to her Or excuse me. She says to him. Have you ever been in love? And he looks at her with a big smile and says apps a fucking lute Lee apps a fucking lute Lee Does anyone remember that if you did post a comment, I'd like to hear your thoughts Well, this resonates to me because I think a man who hasn't experienced Who's experienced unhealthy love love attachment a moggo doesn't know what real love is and So for me what I'm about to share is what I experienced in my most significant relationship That represents what I think is a closer version to what it is to love or to have fallen in love So first and this is no particular order. He accepts something about you that might scare others away He accepts something about you that might scare others away What's interesting in my relationship with Marie on our first date? She told me she had something known as benign tremors as benign tremors, okay? You know could be similar to Parkinson's and that sort of thing and I was telling a dear friend of mine I think you know probably three or four weeks into dating Marie About this and she immediately said Jonathan. What are you getting yourself into? She has a you know medical condition You know, you might be having to take on a project and And I did some Google research on this and certainly there is a potential that there might be something even more serious Than what she had shared with me but I remember this and I share this with you because I Said to myself I don't care Like I like this person so much that I didn't care that maybe and I even said to myself God forbid and I barely knew her. I knew her for a month But I really leaned into it. I said, you know what? Even if there was a medical condition that might take us down a rabbit hole where I'd have to take care of her I think for the first time in my life Actually, this makes me tear up I'm for the first time in my life. I actually said I wanted to take care of someone and And I did that in my marriage, you know I was that program provider protector but not at a real Emotional level want to take care of someone and it turns out that it was benign, you know in the scheme of things She's on medication and you know, I can't criticize for those of us a midlife. I mean we're on some sort of medication You know, I take a couple pills every morning and once a night and so I Recognize that kind of that in sickness and health. It didn't matter to me Number two he can't get enough talking with you Versus using you as a therapist or somebody to kill time. It fascinates me today to witness how many people are in relationship where they're talking at each other and Mostly for a lot of men and women as well is that they're using each other in some sort of Therapeutic form and what I mean to say is there is so much emotional up evil and turmoil going on within the individual that they actually unintentionally form a communication bond that is similar to the kind of what some people experience with therapists See with the therapy type of relationship the therapist can't really get as Interp- now some can but can't get as interpersonal with you But what I'm really talking about he can't get enough talking with you what I'm really experiencing I want you to think of what it's like talking to your best friend You can say almost anything to this person In fact, you feel comfortable enough comfortable enough to express your deeper deeper inner thoughts with this person when a man Can't get enough talking with you in that non therapeutic or killing time way because some people are just killing time with you They're just they're just talkers all they do is talk talk talk talk talk talk you've been with that kind of guy He does nothing to doing talking about themselves I'm talking about can't get enough talking with you at a heart-centered level. That's a great sign That he's officially fall in love with you. Okay number three He incorporates you into his life. He incorporates you into his life and Vice versa. He wants to incorporate himself into your life There's something like in other words, that's a great sign Somebody is prepared to go all in with you because they want to incorporate each other into your lives into each other's lives You have to really sit with this because it's one thing introducing family and friends once and sometimes we do that to get their perspective on things but actually Incorporating and by the way, and he's really wants to incorporate himself into your life. See a lot of men It's one-sided. This is where it gets kind of tricky. I'm gonna incorporate you in my life But I'm gonna keep my distance from your life. Well, that's not a sign of really being in love with you He welcomes your life as a critical part of the building of a healthy happy relationship number four He forsakes all others. Okay again biblical here. He forsakes all others Look, he doesn't need to get a fix on Instagram and look at someone else's profile He doesn't need to flirt with anyone else. He is like look at the woman member. I said, I I love you. I Only want you that means I'm in a forsake others because I only want to have sex with you I only want to jump in the bed with you. I only want to flirt with you I don't need to get attention elsewhere because I'm fulfilled in this relationship Now Doesn't mean we can't get some of our needs met outside of a relationship. Absolutely. I think it's important to have friends in your life even friends of the opposite sex in your life because You know friendships are dear to us and our primary mate can't cover all of our needs But certainly a man who's fallen in love with you has forsaken all others and there's gonna be a number five This is gonna be illustrated kind of an additionally as a point number five is he builds trust Builds trust by establishing commitment by establishing commitment. You don't have to ask. Where's the relationship going? He is already letting you know where he wants to go in the relationship Now this gets kind of tricky Because some people might jump into relationships rather quickly I know I've done it other people do it. They've wanted exclusivity right away Okay, that's because men are rather territorial In addition You know, we might be amped up on lust and limerence and not really evaluating it from its fullest extent but by building builds trust by establishing commitment most importantly, it's a Conversation and that conversation might look something like this You know, I think it's it's pretty obvious that we both care for one another I would like to explore a deeper relationship with you that leads to something serious in the next three to six months. I Want to explore a deeper level of commitment with you. Is that something you want to explore with me? See the minute a man does something similar to that and it doesn't have to be exactly like that Doesn't have to be exactly like that It demonstrates that he wants to build trust and trust isn't just about fidelity trust is I've got your best interest at heart without compromising who I am as a person I've got your best interest at heart now not in a domineering Controlling way in a loving way. I have your best interest at heart In other words, what's good for you is good for me and what's good for me is good for you That's how we develop and build trust Now I want to come back to forsaking others and jumping into exclusivity really quickly Because there is something that some men do I'm known to do the following When I like someone when I've gone out on a first or second date with someone I like I Actually like to take down my dating profile. Now. Let me tell you why Not to demonstrate Exclusivity or commitment. I just don't like the distraction of getting the emails getting the swipes getting the hits and then being tempted to look at it It doesn't mean any for some men. It just simply means I don't want the distraction and some men like myself Only like to date one person at a time once once I've gone on a date with someone and we're gonna have a second or third date I don't need to be conversing and communicating with lots of other people You know, but Jonathan there are dating coaches that tell me I shouldn't put my eggs in one basket that I should be I should be duty Dating I should be circularly dating. Look it The women who need that advice are typically wounded birds who can't distinguish between unhealthy love versus healthy love But I'm gonna tell you within healthy love the healthiest thing you can do for one another is Date one person at a time both men and women alike if you have a need to date multiple people because you get attached to quickly Then you have deeper issues to deal with then dating multiple people because let's face it You can really screw up a good relationship with someone by interacting with other people This is just my perception. You don't have to follow this perception. Okay, but again When a man is falling in love with you He is going to most likely be experiencing more than five things But here are five things that I think you should pay attention to again He accepts something about you that might scare other men away. He can't get enough talking with you He incorporates you into his life and vice versa He forsakes others and he builds trust through commitment. That's some really great signs A man is officially falling in love with you without actually saying it Is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know if it is I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below I do my best to read them all within the first 24 hours as always if you like this video Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell So you can be notified of new videos. Hey, and if you want to speak to me, right? Here's a link to schedule a discovery call with me Listed below in the show notes You can join my group called midlife love mastery. You can get all the books I recommend you can follow me on instagram and all that get my dating vows as well alright For those of you are on live right now. It's time for Q&A If you have a question Write the word question and then post the question there after Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley That's a picture of him right there with his brother Colin He's my son who passed away over five years ago and in his honor We donate to causes like the Hoffman process inside institute and scholarships on coaching as well And if you want to join the hot seat you want to be with me on live right now I've just posted a link Where you can join me on the hot seat as well And I'd love to have interaction with someone to be a lot of fun All right, let's see what we got in the house This isn't a question But lisa wrote the man that i'm dating and myself made a conscious Decision to be together and bring it further. We are committed to learning about each other Great great great share. Thank you so much. You see that they had a conscious conversation It wasn't a one-sided conversation. It was a conscious conversation See a lot of times these relationships are one-sided usually from an unhealthy perspective Hence why i'm a big proponent for studying the books. I recommend to doing the inner work to doing the Self-love work and this is my book what the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work Okay, let's see what else we have here um How do I know he is not using me if he's bored? He's taking his time to date me because he is talking Taking me serious You know, you have to assess his life you have to assess his life Men who are an trainwrecks both in their physical and emotional world Oftentimes use people. They're usually an emotional or physical trainwreck. What's an emotional trainwreck? He's going through a lot of trauma in his life emotional trauma Particularly the most common is a divorced or an unhealthy relationship that ended and he has done no healing Could be his professional life is in chaos. That's another sign that he might be using you It's not necessarily boredom per se. It's every human wants connection on some level and so It's coming from an unhealthy needy place You have to assess The totality of his life to determine is he really in a good place or is he a mess? Okay Someone just wrote what is your skincare? By the way, there's a filter on in this video. It's to smooth out my face, but I use rock What's it roc? Is a skincare ritual? Oh, by the way, it is sex and the city One of our facebook members have brought up mr. Big Folks, uh, when I wear a suit and tie I am told I look like mr. Big from sex and the city So thank you for that All right Again, I'd love to purchase a super sticker super chat for anyone. We'd love to donate our goal is $50 today So how about some love? Melissa writes can you recommend a book or video on sex for older couples or as sex life age You know I am not familiar. That's not my area of expertise. I would certainly type in type in into youtube sex after 60 sexual techniques after 60 sexual practices After 60 or after 50 or whatever age bracket you're in But that I'm not an expert at that so I can't recommend anything, but thank you for that question Barbara's in the house. She said wish coaches would start conversations on scarcity in meeting our person Let's face it coaches have a business with a plus or plethora clients due to those people not being able to find their person You know It the scarce there's an ironic irony We are surrounded by hundreds of thousands of people And yet it feels like they're scarcity You know, so think back when we lived in tribes if there was 150 people in the tribe and um, let's just say 50 of those people were of an age to mate Usually it was 25 men and 25 women sometimes it might have been 30 women and 20 men So then there would have been a true scarcity But the reality is is we we don't live in scarcity what I think we live in Is misalignment with a lot of people but ultimately I think Two people who are genuinely have a capacity to love can overlook a lot of egoic stuff So I I'm not sure it's about scarcity. I think we have an abundance It's just it feels scarce because we don't feel aligned to so many people I mean, I guess that's my thought on that question Barbara But that's my two cents on it. So thank you so much Rosie wrote Rise I can't even pronounce who what this name is Question what if he says he's in love with a former girlfriend that he wasn't physically involved with? do you like Do you want to be intrigued are you interested in someone who has clearly said i'm in love with someone else Is that really what you I mean, is that what you want? I hope not if someone is still in love with someone else to me. That's x. That's a deal breaker So my my thought is on that. That's a deal breaker Barbara says thank you for sharing that outlook. You're very welcome Um Lisa said I sent a facebook request to a man i'm dating So many of my friends would not do that because they feel like it's chasey or creepy, but I do try that's Folks If facebook is a public thing if a billion people can send you a friend request Then why not the person you're physically spending time with want to be part of your life? This is part of integration That's not creepy now. You could have a conversation I remember I was on a first date with a woman some years ago And during the date I said, oh do you have a facebook page? And so we looked it up and I said do you want to become facebook friends? It was simple as that it was a conversation By the way, it never turned into a second date and I eventually unfriended her um Mainly because I noticed there was a big mismatch, but in that moment it wasn't that big of a deal You know like if a billion people could technically send you a friend request Then somebody you're actually interacting with it might make sense. I do believe okay now Here's a separate thought Excuse my slurping. Oh, by the way, my coffee mug says I make the world go around. What do you do? I used to think this was a Narcissistic phrase and then someone told me jonathan. It's talking about the coffee. It makes the world go around okay folks To some degree I treat dating like being a detective. I'm looking for clues About a person and how they operate in their life and I look at their social media And how they curate it because it speaks volumes to me At the quality of a person's life. This is just my personal opinion You don't have to subscribe to this But I think the the things that people post the things that people look look at The the quality of their photographs Gives you insight into who this person is. I bet you there are people that can study Dating pro or excuse me facebook profiles and give you accurate assessment Accurate assessment of who they are as a person. So I like looking at a person's profile. Look at who their friends are Because it's speak it can speak to you now Most of you are not qualified to discern at that level, but I think it's an interesting exercise to practice this That's just my two thoughts on that rainbow fire Question the man i'm chasing said he has a broken heart and and now he's left. What's my next step To love yourself First off, you should not be chasing anyone two people should be meeting each other instead of one person chasing He's clearly said he had a broken heart and he's left. So he's gone the other direction. What's most important for you? rainbow self-love Nurture your own heart He's the past. He's not going to be in your life ever again. It was an interesting experience for you move on love on yourself That's the best advice I can give you okay Um annette says coming back to facebook exactly public forum relax max relax max. That's funny Hey, one of our facebook my midlife love mastery members There's a link below to join my group called midlife love mastery where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis She writes yes. Yes, I get it. He really doesn't love me in a mature healthy way If he is an avoidant He can't incorporate me into his life all thing all these other signs of chaos that I was unaware of before I had those magical feelings. I learned learned a lot of lessons way to go. I'm happy to hear that Hey, if you want to join the hot seat, I just posted a link So we don't have a lot of comments today. We have a small group um kind of interesting so I want to come back to all in I'm sharing this with you because I want to share on a personal level It's a little bit hard for me. So bear with me a little bit because All in That means better for worse richer for poor all that stuff you're in You're just you're in And it's not from an unhealthy place from a place of genuine love It's rare to experience this where two people are feeling this at the exact same time See, we've adopted a belief that chemistry equals relationship success without recognizing that compatibility shared values shared vision in life blendable lifestyles and most important good relationship skills emotional maturity Are the fundamentals for a healthy happy relationship and yet We believe chemistry or worse. We believe unhealthy attachment is love I do believe sadly very few people truly experience that really high level love with one another That isn't based on ego that isn't based on fear that isn't based on attachment That's really based at a core level And if you've ever experienced it bravo, that is great. Maybe you might only experience it once in your life because ultimately The most important relationship you're ever going to have is the relationship with yourself That's really the fundamental of what I preach as a coach Many of my work and by the way, there's a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you Many of my clients go through coaching with me to recognize that the most important relationship they have is the one with themselves It's not about finding a mate It's about finding the mate within yourself and that's my invitation for all of you Because whether he falls in love with you or not is irrelevant. Have you fallen in love with yourself? To such a degree that whether or not you experience that juicy delicious healthy happy relationship I talk about or maybe you experience a casual relationship or maybe you experience a friends with benefits Or maybe you experience a situation ship or maybe you experience a hookup You know folks sometimes it's okay to hook up with someone Sometimes it's okay to have a friends with benefits Sometimes it's okay to have a situation ship. Sometimes it's okay to have a casual relationship So long as you're honest with yourself and you're honest with another human being So long as you're transparent with one another Sometimes we need those types of experiences to really learn and appreciate what love is at its fullest Fullest meaning and for some of you You might have experienced it once and you're and you're hopeful again. I'm here to hope with you I've experienced it once now and I'm still very hopeful for that partnership at the same time It's okay for any of you or every one of you To choose something so long as you're in integrity Because this journey of life Is is like a roller coaster. It's got a lot of highs and lows. Okay I'm here to encourage you to do the work the maintenance of that roller coaster So it's a smooth ride throughout most of those highs and lows. Is this sinking in is this resonating if it is Please let me know if it is All right, you know, I'm gonna wrap up today Uh, listen, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this video post a comment below Hope you've found value in this. I do my best to read all the Comments if you like this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well And if you want to connect with me the links below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach Is right for you to join my group called midlife love mastery where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis Also, follow me on instagram get the books. I recommend all listed below All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan barack of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn this on one a pet a teddy bear pillow Give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank sandi and revolve and donna and sally and rainbow and stephanie And lisa, oops Who else? Um our facebook group members ramona barbra. Thank you Sally everyone big hugs. Thanks for being on today. Have a wonderful fabulous weekend. You be well