 So, as a dating and relationship coach, I frequently get messages from women who have been in relationship, some very short lives, some much longer where they're feeling a significant amount of frustration from the men, predominantly in the area of their non-committalness, non-committalness. And this is true right from the very beginning of the dating process and certainly midway through the relationship process. And I say midway because at some point what's the point of being in a relationship if you don't have a desired destination? Now, I say that for those who are genuinely seeking fully committed relationships and partnerships versus those that are just happy with a casual relationship or friends with benefits. People are more than welcome to do those kind of relationships, situationships or whatnot. But I'm leaning into the frustration that women share with me frequently about those men who aren't basically non-committal. In other words, they're not really leaning into the deeper depths of a relationship. And for a variety of different reasons, and I know you've heard things like the men's testosterone levels does this and men are hunters. And they're supposed to be chivalrous and you sit back in your feminine. I know you hear all this rhetoric, but I want to go into the deeper reasons why this happens. And I think it's because we no longer live in an environment, especially since the invention of birth control where predominantly if you wanted to get laid, you had to get married. So there was an ultimate commitment and now little or no commitment is needed to basically have sex. And in fact, because of these devices now, there's an ample supply of ready people that will hook up on a regular basis and get some of the basic needs met. And what's worse for a lot of men is these little devices also allows them to connect with pornography. And I don't want to get into a whole discussion on that, but there's an absolute disconnect going on for so many men out there. And disconnect for women as well, because of technology, I don't think we humans were really prepared for this level of technology. When you think about it, for 200,000 years, I mean, 200,000 less 100 years ago, we had no electricity. Think about that for 200,000 years since Neanderthals up until 100 years ago, we didn't have electricity. So the basic mating principle was you chose people within your tribe to mate with. Now, because of these devices, you could connect with anybody around the world, having a perceived relationship with someone. And I'm just going off on a tangent here because I want to get back into why you need to test men and how to really take your relationship to the next level. And why you need to test them before having sex because that's what I'm leaning into talking about today. Why am I talking about this? Because let's face it, the minute you make an emotional investment in another human being, particularly when you engage in sexual relationships with another human being, you can become very emotionally attached. And if it doesn't work out, okay, on to the next one, and that one doesn't work out on to the next one, and that doesn't work out on the next one on after a while, that will wear on an individual's emotional. What's the word I'm looking for stability, if you will, if you've had one disappointing situation ship after another because it's I think it's presumptive to think that all men are the same. Repeat that to presume all men are the same. And I was recently pondering this idea that I want to share with you today that there are basically three different types of men who are actively dating in the midlife crowd basically three types of men that are actively dating in the midlife crowd. So I want to put on my trusty glasses. And I want to share with you these three types. There's basically the user, which represents about 20% of the population and this is just made up by me. There's this spenders. That's made up about 60% of the population. And then there are the growers and the builders. Okay, so let me talk about the users. These are the men typically that are the love bombers. Okay, they come on ridiculously strong. They're driven by their own needs and not necessarily caring about your needs. Okay, these also include player so love bombers players. These are the users. These are the people that take from other people. They mask it though beautifully. They make and oftentimes make a woman feel so precious, so special, very much like the Tinder swindler. And then their goal is to use them not necessarily always nefarious like a Tinder swindler or whatnot, but certainly for their own benefit. But they come across so charming, so special, so unique. It's very difficult to say no, because who doesn't want to feel a level of being special to feel special is certainly a very intoxicating emotion to experience. And just because I talk about men experiencing limerence women can experience limerence as well limerence is extreme infatuation. When you add lust with that there's oftentimes the biological drive to chase the sex, because you've been told men are hunters well what are they hunting. Oftentimes they're hunting sex. Men don't walk around going, I want a relationship I want a relationship let me let me get my bow and arrow for the relationship. No their bow and arrow is usually predicated on, you know, there's this belief that through sex men find love. I think there's this misconception for men that through sex they find love. Okay, a misguided subconscious perspective. So we've just talked about the users now I want to talk about the spenders these are the men that spend time with you they're spending time with you. And let me elaborate a little bit more on that. These are the men that seek connection companionship and coupling or sex. Okay, connection companionship coupling and or sex. But they're not clear about wanting a long term relationship or wanting a long term commitment, nor are they very clear that they genuinely want to take care of someone. These are men oftentimes that have gone through divorce gone through recent breakups. These are men that oftentimes are experiencing some level of chaos in their life. Maybe it's their professional life they maybe they have issues with their children. But there's a level of chaos going on in this person's life. That makes them want to spend time with someone, but not necessarily lean into deeper building deeper trust in the relationship because they don't know clearly if they want to take care of someone. Okay, now I'm going to talk about this 60% a little bit more, but I think it's important to give you the context of the third category. And that is the men who are growers and builders growers and builders. These are men who clearly want to grow with someone and they want to build a life with someone they know this even before they meet the person. Not it's not about the person it's about where they're at in their emotional capacity and while I say this is roughly about 20% of the male population, I could be a little bit generous there. But certainly I'm going to give the benefit the doubt and say it's about 20%. These are men that have some level of emotional maturity and they have their act together. I repeat that they have some level of emotional maturity and they have their act together. So why I'm sharing this now is I want to come back to the spenders because this is the tricky part about their spenders. Are these the men that are closer to the user category or are they closer to the grow and build category? And this is really tricky stuff because most of the time you're going to end up with a spender. It's very rare that you actually get to meet a grower or a builder. I know you women all covet the idea who the grower and the builders are. These are rare men and when I say 20%, I might be very generous in that percentage. You have a better chance of getting a spender or a user than you do a grower or a builder. Okay. Now, if the spender is closer to the category of the grower builder, he's going to be more apt to want to do the heavy lifting in the dating process. What I mean by heavy lifting is ladies, if you know my rhetoric, you know, before the penis goes inside the vagina, you should be reading the book Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. This teaches you the mechanics to the healthy happy relationship. In addition, if these guys are spenders, in other words, they spend time with you, but they're more capable of growing than these are the men. You want to test all men to see which category they are in. I repeat that you want to test men to see which category they're in. Let me just and testing them, for example, is starting off by reading this book together. If he says no, then he's most likely a user or he's a spender who really isn't going to lean into a deeper relationship with you. By the way, there's a link to all the books I recommend and Jonathan recommend books. Before I forget, let me recommend my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. SelfLoveTheBook.com. I highly recommend checking out my book. I would love if you'd give a review as well. If you've ordered the book and you haven't, please give a review.