 Men who agree to this are more likely to commit and we're gonna get to this in a moment. Let's first decide what is relationship success? What does it mean to be in a successful relationship? Is it about going the distance? I mean, is it about forever after? Is that how you measure the success of a relationship? Maybe there's different ways to measure the success of a relationship because to actually have a successful relationship, I think it's first important to know what is the value of a relationship, okay? So I don't believe it's going the distance. I think it's a real successful relationship is based on how the two of you feel about the relationship. In other words, do you put this relationship mutually at very high regard, right? Think about that for a second. Do you mutually put the relationship at a very high regard? In other words, there's mutual satisfaction. In fact, there's an abundance of mutual satisfaction. That to me is the success of a relationship. It's not about going the distance. Now that's for those that are most likely gonna go the distance. What about a relationship that lasted a couple of years? What about relationship that lasted 15 years? What about a relationship that lasted three years? What about a relationship that went on and off again for six years? The reason why I mentioned that in a moment, I'm gonna share a little bit of my own personal experiences. But you see, I think relationship success begins before you enter into a relationship. I think it's important to have these three things examined for yourself and also for the person you're entering into relationship with. Because if you don't, there's going to be most likely some challenges. So the first is the mindset going in. What is the mindset going in? In other words, is the mindset of, I'm just gonna dip my toe in the waters, is my mindset. Let's just have a good time. It's all about having a good time. What's the mindset? Remember, I said this is about the dating process. What's the mindset going in? Is it I'm not ready for a serious relationship? Is it I'm only looking for a casual relationship? Because if two people's mindsets are not aligned with each other, there's most likely going to be some challenges in this dynamic. And by the way, for those that made comments about my shirt since today is New Year's Day, I'm just celebrating a little bit with everybody. If you're watching the replay, this was shot on New Year's Day. I even have a hat to go with it, but I don't like the way it looks on me. All right, so mindset, critically important. And if two people are misaligned on their mindsets going in, in other words, what is their desired outcome? What is their desire, desires within a relationship? I think it's important to both be on the same page on mindset. Now be clear about something, ladies. When you say, I want a relationship and he says, oh, I want a relationship too, the word relationship has varying degrees associated with it, varying degrees. To a man, it might simply mean, I just wanna see you at my beck and call that might be his term of relationship. And your term might look like something the way I envision for myself, where we see each other three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork building skills, both in your personal and your professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. And it can be a legal marriage or a spiritual marriage as far as I'm concerned, okay? So where is your mindset going at, okay? Number two is your intentions. How are you going to operate in this environment of getting to know one another? And I'll share with you, if men agree to this, you have a greater chance of relationship success in a moment because intentions speak volumes. And along with intentions, the third one is the actions of executing those intentions. So you see, it's one thing to have the mindset of going in, I want a significant relationship. It's the intention gonna be am I courting this person? And we're gonna talk about courting in just a second, okay? And this is critically important. And do the actions mirror the courting efforts? Do the actions mirror the intention, okay? So I mentioned just a moment ago courting. It's an old term, but I wanna revamp that term in today's environment and I'm gonna call it going all in, going all in. Now for some of you, this might be scary to go all in, but going all in simply says that I'm gonna explore this relationship with you. I'm gonna explore this relationship with you without attachment to the outcome, without attachment to the outcome, but I'm gonna give it a hundred percent. I'm gonna give it a hundred percent. That to me is what, excuse me, I've got my nose is itching. That to me is what courting is really about. It's, or going all in is all about. I'm gonna give maximum effort to this experience. And there's several key areas of courting. Wait, let me make sure, one, two, three, four, five key areas of going all in, excuse me, I'm now mixing up all in with courting, okay? Five key areas that you have to be aware of because if you're not aware of these, the person is less likely of capable of commitment versus less likely of desiring commitments, okay? And this is true for you ladies as well. It's imperative for you to be crystal clear. And by the way, since my channel is mostly for women, although I have an announcement shortly in a moment regarding that, okay? But within going all in, there's the physically going all in. There is the logistic or lifestyle going all in. There's emotionally going all in. Yeah, my tongue type, spiritually going all in and financially going all in, financially going all in. You see, when you think about it, most people have no problem physically going all in into a relationship. I mean, the penis gets inside the vagina so quickly these days that there is almost no value or sacredness. There's almost no sacredness to physical intimacy anymore. It's literally, it's an equal part of kissing almost. And by the way, kissing is an incredibly intimate thing and people will kiss, you know, I mean, let's exclude New Year's Eve for a moment or being under the mistletoe during Christmas, but people will kiss without any regard to the real sacredness of physical connection with another human being. This is, we've loaded to its base denominator of being almost worth nothing for so many people. That saddens me to say that, I'm saddened to say that. And I am guilty of, I don't want to say using women, but I am guilty of being incredibly self-centered, self-centered around getting off without any regard to the other human being or very, let me reframe that, very little regard to the other human being. I'm not proud of that. I was one of those unconscious men that was only out for their own needs. I was very selfish for a fucking long time. It's taken me decades to heal all of the childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that caused me to be live in a myopic world. And this is why I encourage everybody to read the book. The Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and adult traumas. Along with, get my book, by the way, I'm gonna make a pitch. What the heck is self love? Anyway, a journey of personal development, self often spiritual work. There's a link below to get a copy of my book in the show notes and in the comments in a bit. Okay, so I'm sharing this with you all because physical intimacy, people can go all in having sex and be gone the next day. What about lifestyle? What about blending lifestyle? What about moving for another person? What about all the logistics of creating an all in relationship? People now date for years, years without physically ever being in the same space with one another. I actually think dating now is more like a long drawn out version of friends with benefits. Logistically, a lot of couples aren't blending their lifestyles together. A lot of men refuse to introduce you to their family and friends because they're happy to get the benefits of physical intimacy without making the effort in the logistical end. What about the emotional end? Oh my God, we have emotionally constipated couples out in the dating marketplace today where they're not genuine. Remember I said earlier, is it relationship success? Probably based on how mutually satisfying the relationship feels to one another. And yet sadly, I speak to women habitually who are in unsatisfied relationships hoping that magic fairy dust will change everything because magic fairy dust and bearing my head under the rug and sweeping it under the rug always, always, always, always works. It's amazing how sweeping it under the rug bearing our head in the sand hoping magic fairy dust will change everything because if I do nothing for years and years and years and years it's all gonna change. Like that's the fantasy human beings live in and I'm guilty of this as well folks. I'm not here to act as if I'm superior here. I'm guilty of this emotionally all in. What about spiritually all in? Do you know very few couples have a real spiritual practice with one another and I didn't say the word religious practice. I don't believe in religiosity. I believe in a connection to the divine a connection to growth a connection to something beyond yourself whatever that looks like for you and do couples actually go all in in this area? Very few couples go in and then financially you know, it's fascinating to me women will have sex with a man they barely know but if that man asked to borrow $10,000 from you go no, no, you don't get my money. I protect my money. My money is important to me. Now I'm not here to suggest giving a guy $10,000 you've met but all these things to require building trust with one another. So how do we build trust early on? If a man agrees to the following, does this build trust? Many of you know are familiar with what's known as my dating vows. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my dating vows and the dating vows go like this. Have you ever heard the saying women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment? So before sleeping with a guy maybe you might want to recite this to each other and it goes something like this. You put in your name. I, Jonathan, agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months. I agree to be monogamous, sexually while we're having regular sex together. I agree to not actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process including taking down my dating profile if that's where you met. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back, ghosting and disappearing. And I agree to invest regular time in the process of getting to know you which looks like spending three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities obviously mutual interest spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills both in our personal and our professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy. Now 90% of men will bail on this. Why? Because there's thousands of women that will give that physical all in before you've even built trust with one another. Folks, a man who actually will agree to recite this you have a better than 50, 50 chance of this actually having some success. I'm not guaranteeing anything beyond 50% but it's a lot better than our current averages which is literally less than zero. I mean, the odds are against us of having a successful relationship. Statistically speaking, statistically speaking the odds are against you in the dating realm. I'm laughing and yet we humans, you know, I wanna read you something. I'm gonna read you something. I shared this recently and I'm gonna do it again. I have a friend of mine who quoted the following. He calls conscious attachment. He says, odds are this relationship will end. By the way, all relationships end with death at some point but he goes, odds are this relationship will end but let's find out if it doesn't you are worth the pain of losing you. See, that's conscious attachment. That's going in and saying, I'm not attached to the outcome. I'm willing to go in. I'm willing to go all in. See, I believe if we set a standard and ladies because you are the gatekeepers of sex and since men are driven here, it's a moral imperative to some degree that you have a higher standard here because God, you know, if every woman had to chastity belt on for 90 days men would all shape up. I'm sorry if I'm sounding puritan. I'm sorry if I'm sounding a bit righteous. I'm sorry if I'm sounding a bit traditional. And when I say I'm sorry, I'm just here to say I want to invite everybody to have that mindset, that intentionality and the actions matching those intentions and I'm such a big proponent for women in particular to be empowered, to set us, make us stand for what you want. Believe it or not, good men and it is raining good men, ladies. It is raining good men. There are good men everywhere. Most men are good guys. They're just wounded just like you guys are. You ladies are. Most men are good guys. They're thirsty for this stuff too. Men are, they just don't know it yet. They need someone like me to smack them upside their head. So, you know, if I'm your big brother, if I'm your big brother, ladies, and I could be there for you on a first date and I'd have the shotgun pointed at the guy's face and say, what's your intentions with my little sister? The point is there's a consequence for bad behavior. Ladies, you don't have that. And you know what men don't have? Real big uncles, to give them solid, real solid advice about women and about respect and about decency and about recognizing that, you know, with great power comes great responsibility and this great power that men have is sadly, and I say they have this great power, is it is brought down through history that men do the asking of marriage. We, in other words, if we're not willing, we do the ones that ask you to marry us because it basically says I'm gonna take care of you. This has been brought down throughout history and with that comes a great amount of power because women aren't typically in that power position. You have the power position of who you have sex with but people have sex, you know, on the third date and never see the guy the next day. I'm sorry, you know, I'm basic and bear, I know for a lot of people that are more contemporary would say a woman could be a boss babe and she can be empowered and she can sleep with 100,000 men if she wants to. She can do whatever she wants. Yes, you can, but let's just face it. At the end of the day, men are the ones who do the asking for the relationship. Women don't typically, men do. And with that, that comes power because women are kinda, if they are willing to give their bodies to a man, there's kind of an understanding that he's gonna give his commitment to her and we don't have to do that these days anymore. This is why I scream at the top of my lungs. I'm such an advocate for a woman to be empowered and if you need some support with that, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me. My whole coaching is to help you make better choices and better decisions in your life. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? If it is, please let me know. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. Also, if you found value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. Okay, in a moment, we're gonna take questions, but I wanna share something very personal with everybody. I've got a couple announcements to make. First is, my first announcement is I'm gonna be recording videos for men going forward. I'm actually gonna be doing almost virtually the same titles, but it's gonna be the seven reasons why women will commit to a man kind of thing. Women who agree to this are more likely to commit to you, so I would love your support if you'd start sharing my videos going forward with men, okay? Hey, next announcement. I'm really disappointed with so many negative comments about my previous relationship. The negative comments relate to, she was, this is Marie I'm speaking of, that she wasn't right for me, that she was using me, that she only wanted me for tra- I mean, the list of things that went on of what the complaints you said about her are from some of you. And then some of you went on to say, well, Jonathan, you were too needy, you pushed her away, you were overbearing. Folks, you have no fucking clue what actually happened in this relationship. And I said earlier, what is the success of a relationship? Well, I actually went through the list of all my relationships I've had that really had some significance to me. And I wanna share this with you for a moment because I think there's a valuable lesson here. Okay, so please listen to this, this is critically important for all, I think has value for all of you. My first girlfriend when I was 19 years old, her name was Sherry. And we dated, I was so clueless back then, I mean, I was just happy to have company, I was happy to have occasional sex. I mean, I was like, I was like, good, you know, I was like clueless about a girlfriend back then. And at that same time, I was operating under the assumption that you were supposed to go to college, get a job, meet a girl, get married, buy a house, start a family. And I met someone, Aaron, who went on to be in my life for 15 years of that 12 and a half years married and we had two children from that relationship. But honestly, I was an unconscious husband. I mean, I knew I was supposed to be the provider protector, but I was an unconscious husband. And I wasn't a very good husband. I mean, I did the role of paying the bills. I focused on that. And I did some of the fatherly duties and such, but we didn't have a really great, you know, emotional relationship. Let's just put it that way. And then I briefly dated two women in 2005 and 2007 for only three months. One, oh, Diana, sweet gal. I mean, she was like the first real angel I met. But I was a trainwreck when I met her. I was a, I mean, ladies, I was the guy that you, you know, the divorce guy going through a divorce, had drinking problems, I had drug problems. I was like, and she was an angel and she looked beyond my frailties. And she even said I wrote war rose-colored glasses. In fact, for Christmas one year, she gave, but we only dated for three months, but she gave me these rose-colored glasses. Can you see that? That was a gift I got. This was in 2005. She said, I'm dating you with rose-colored glasses because Jonathan, you're a mess. And then a few, a year after that, I met a woman named Colleen, great sex. She chased me, I loved it, you know, but I was still a mess then. And then a couple months after that, I met Allie who introduced me to the online dating world. And she introduced me to, you know, internet marketing and everything. And while that relationship was short-lived, it was only five months. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for her. And then there was Sherry who I met when we were together on and off for six years. The first go-around was three and a half years. The next go-around was three quarters of a year. I was still such a mess and she reparented me. She was a therapist who literally I say, reparented me. I mean, in other words, she loved me even though I was wounded, I was damaged. And she knew what going in, by the way, this is a doctor therapist. I wasn't pulling the wool over her eyes. She was smarter than me. She even knew going, she even said going in, I'd make a better sister than I would a girlfriend. But she went at it because she had her own stuff that she had to work on. You see, every relationship was a building block to where I'm at today. And every relationship you've ever had has been a building block to where you are today. I invite you to ask these four questions of yourself because this is what I've asked myself. What positive things did I learn about myself in each experience, each relationship? What did I heal from my childhood from each relationship? If you're not familiar with the work of Arbel Hendricks and Helen Hunt, highly recommend reading this book, Getting the Love You Want so you can understand that we all have something known as the Amago. I am A-G-O. And so in this relationship, this six year on and off again relationship, I began healing. And then I met Angela. Oh my God, Angela, great sweet gal. It was a long distance. It was the first time I really began experiencing a reciprocal arrangement. Reciprocity might be a better way of putting it. She was a really good, she was good at giving and such. There were issues involved in it that didn't allow it to go very far. It only lasted three months. And then finally I met Marie. I'd healed from all of my shit. So by the time I got to Marie, I could actually for the first time in my life go all in. And while it didn't work out because there were some differences and mostly for her that she needed healing on her part and she openly discussed it with me and felt like it wasn't best to be in this environment for her to heal, I gained so much from this relationship. I gained so much. So coming back to the beginning of this broadcast, what is relationship success? I'm here to say every relationship has value. And that reason why I went through this because I have an announcement to make that I think is rather fascinating for a moment. When I say announcement, it's not an announcement really, it's just a share might be a better way to put it. So I just had the shortest relationship of my life. It lasted six hours. And the day before New Year's Eve, I connected with a woman who recognized me professionally on a dating site. And she happened to live in another state, just one state over, and she wrote me purely as a way to say, wow, I've been following you on YouTube and I think you're great. And I just wanted to say hi and I wrote back something to her and she wrote something back to me and I wrote something back to her. And then I eventually said, would you like to talk on the phone? We proceeded to have a six hour conversation. And I wanna share with you some of the particulars of this conversation because I consider this a relationship. Six hours, we're not gonna ever meet, but we had an experience. And it has now created so much clarity, but more important, I'm vibrating at a level that I have never experienced before. So here's my list of what I wrote down that I experienced 12, 30, 2023. First off, she recognized me, which was kind of a flattering thing, but she openly admitted she was attracted to me. She said the word handsome several times and to us, Leo's, we like our main stroke. So I loved that. Now I'm sharing this with you all because I want you to think about what do you wanna experience, the feelings you want to experience. And I believe it begins on the very first phone call, the very first meeting. These are the critical moments that make or break a relationship. So one thing is, she was so easy to talk to, oh my God, the conversation flowed with such, well, not only was she easy to talk to, she talked with me and not at me. Sadly, a lot of human beings don't know how to really talk with another human being. They talk at another human being. This is what happens. This is me, this is you, this is you, this is me. Instead of this is you, this is me, that's talking with someone. And we'll talk about that a little bit more. We seem to share the same values. Again, this was a six-hour conversation. We talked about a lot. We went down so many rabbit holes, so many nooks and crannies. I kind of wished I was on mushrooms at the time. It would have even making the trip that the experience a little bit more fun. She has a connection with the divine. In other words, she has a connection with something spiritual beyond herself. I love that. I could tell she has sexual, we briefly talked about sex because something in her life brought it up and then we had a conversation about it. I was very attracted to her. She was my type, okay? She was flirty, cute and silly. Oh my God, she was so flirty, so cute, so silly, I'm flirty, cute and silly. Like everything I'm sharing here is what I think we both experience. She seemed to have emotional maturity. This isn't something you could figure out on a first phone call. She sounded like she had financial stability. She had a normal or average childhood. She was fully open to committing. We were on the same page on politics and religion. She was open to spiritual journeys, we talked about. She had a laid back lifestyle, which is mine, and she respected our communication. She did something during the conversation where she stopped for a moment and she said, Florida me, she goes, am I going on too much? Like there was an awareness, am I going on too much? That to me, I told her, I go, that's the sexiest thing. That's like porn to me is when someone can recognize if they were kind of like, I think conversations should be like a seesaw kind of should be balanced. She said to me, how could you have the audacity to live 400 miles away from me? And the reality is that she, I was open to exploring it, but she said that she's pretty rigid, not rigid, but she's pretty fixated on where she lives. And I'm fixated on where I live. I want to be close to my son. After losing my youngest son, there was a picture of my youngest son who passed away. I still have this fatherly desire to be near my son who only lives 500 yards from me. In fact, I saw him and we worked out together. So he's still an important part of my life. Well, why am I bringing this up? I was like sad, but because I wasn't attached to the outcome and she wasn't attached to the outcome, we could have this experience. And what I mean to say is folks, it's an indication of what is out there. If I act like that's the only person on the planet that I'm ever gonna feel this way, I'm literally shooting myself in the foot because there's four billion other people out there that could be the same or better. And they could live right around the corner for all I know. Folks, it is time to shift perspective. And that is why I brought this story to your attention. I'm here to invite a shift in perspective. It is raining eight great men. There are men willing to do the dating vows. There are men willing to court, invite it in. God, universe spirit. I invite in a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship. Where we have amazing physical attraction for one another and the chemistry is off the charts when we first meet and not just physical chemistry but emotional, energetic chemistry, spiritual chemistry with one another. And the conversation between us feels balanced and respectful going on for hours and hours at the time. And our sense of humor is so matched with one another that we can be fun, playful and silly with one another. And our lifestyles are compatible with one another. And that we share the same values with one another and we can build the deep roots of trust through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends. And lastly, we decide to go all in with each other because going all in says, merely says, I'm gonna put in maximum effort to see if this relationship is worth it. And so far I believe that with you. In God, universe, spirit, I invite that in for myself and everyone else that's watching. If you agree, can I get an amen? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So that's my story. So my shortest relationship on record, I shared my relationship history because I invite you all to look back and see the progression of your life up until today and look at every relationship as a gift for building who you are today. And if you can vibrate on that energy level that I am experiencing right now, I'm just in a jazz mood. And when you vibrate at a jazz mood, you have a greater chance of attracting what you wish. Ha, ha, that was fun. All right, time for Q and A. If you are, you can join the hot seat. You wanna join me live right now? I just posted a link. You can join me live, but if you wanna join the hot, if you wanna ask a question, write the word question then post the question thereafter or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. Again, that's him there. It's my son who passed away a few years ago and is honored. We donate to causes like the Hoffman process, Insight Institute, and we give scholarships to coaching with me as well. All right, so click that link below or click that little dollar sign. And our goal tonight is 50, wait, $50. Our goal is $50, okay? Let's see who is in the house. I saw a question earlier. Karen Bishop says, I recently met someone online and when shifted to ourselves, we had our first phone call a week later. The call lasted eight hours. He said he hadn't talked on the phone like that since he was 16. Yeah, I mean, it's possible. I always say the first phone call is the first date. The first phone call is the first date. I once had an eight hour conversation as well. All right, if you wanna ask me a question, write the word question and post the question thereafter. Let's see. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. By the way, oops, sorry. Kate says, seesaw, great image. Yes, a conversation should be balanced like a seesaw, exactly. All right, I thought, okay, James Spitfire is in the house. Does a man act like he will support you, listen and try to, wait. Does a man act like he'll support you, listen and try to surprise me, know my pet peeves and communicate even varied opinions? Yeah, I believe men can act like they'll support you and not support you. I think men can intimate, they're gonna intimate, intimate, intimate, intimate. They'll support you and do it. I think they will listen and try. I think all those things. So yeah, I do believe that. I'm not sure this question, I think you, I think you had something else in mind, but the way you framed it didn't make sense. All right, so, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. Kate says, sounds like six hour date was a good listener, both a good listener and I was a good listener. I mean, I could recite almost the entire conversation. All right, we've got someone in the house. Alicia. All right, I decided to join, I've been watching them for weeks and I'm at work, so we'll get it done anyway. Can you just sit still? Here, let me put you somewhere so I can leave you still and then I can, yeah. Okay, cool. Well, thank you. What do you got for me? And we want to give Margaret a big props for the $7.99 Super Sticker, thank you. So what's your question? Oh, I don't know if I have a question so much as a situation that I'm not really sure what to do with. I've been on a healing path for like eight months. I was in an open marriage for like eight years. So I stepped out of the field from that and I kind of went celibate and I did my thing and I slowly started dating. I met this doctor and we went really slow. We got to know each other. We got hot and heavy for a month and then we kind of backed off and we were seeing each other. And he kept saying he wasn't ready for a relationship and I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna invest in someone that doesn't want to invest in me. So I started dating, went on a couple of dates, met a few nice men and then I sent the guy a message saying that I missed him because I did miss his company. Like we had a lot in common, both love real estate. So it went well and then his son passed away. We liked to ride motorcycles and his son was hit and run and he was killed. So I showed up to the funeral to show my support. He was really taken back by it. I sent messages yesterday. He was ready to get out of the house, decided to meet me. We talked, he's kind of a mess. I understand that he's at the beginning of his healing process and he just needs a friend. So I haven't been asking for commitment. I just wanted the first time in my life I just was taking the time to get to know someone. Before- Did you have sex with him after his son died? No. Okay. No, I won't go there. I told him I would be there to hold him but I'm not going to go there. But when we said goodbye last night because his sister kept telling him we'll just take her home and he's like, no, I want to go slow. And I'm like, okay, he knows I've been patient. I'm fine. He's walking me to my car and he tells me he loves me. Okay. I love him too. I do have those feelings for him. We've gotten into each other. But he's kind of in a mess mode. Like, did he really see what he said? And he's not always showing up. He's a very busy man. So he's been very, I see him a couple of times a month. So now I don't know if this actually means anything or not. Okay. So the saying I love you. Yeah. So let's think about, wait, let's think about I love you for a moment. Hold on a second. Okay. Do you have children? I do. Okay. So I'm sure you know what it's like to love your children, right? And you have parents at some point in your life. And I'm sure you know what it's like to love and be loved by your parents. And I'm sure you have friends who you feel a tremendous amount of love for, right? Yeah. And he happens to be a man of the opposite sex who you've been physically intimate. And so women oftentimes hear the words, I love you and go, oh, he's gonna commit to me for the rest of his life. Okay. But that's the way women operate. And it is the furthest thing from the truth because I've said I love you to women because in that moment, I was feeling a tremendous amount of energy, of feelings, okay? But I wasn't prepared to, but, and I've said the words I love you, but what are the words behind I love you matter most and let me read them to you. What it means is, I'm here. You matter. We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you. Women hear I love you and they think that's what a man is saying. But you even said it yourself. He's not capable of going there right now. He's not capable of going all in. He's a mess. And by the way, as a man who lost a child as you already know, okay? I had no business dating. I wanted companionship. I wanted connection. I wanted sex, okay? But there was no possible way I could commit back then. And if you've been watching my work long enough, you know about the three types of men dating. The users, the spenders and the grower builders. He's most likely in that spender category right now that he's not capable of anything serious. But here's the dilemma you're faced with. See, you're rationalizing this relationship because in some deep dark part of the back of your mind, you're like, but it could change. Like there's this subconscious thing in you going, but this could change, okay? And all energy you provide him blocks you from energy that you could be putting towards somebody who could actually be a real candidate. Yeah, and I have a couple of really nice guys that I've been talking to and I don't. Now I'm like, well, now that he brought that out, am I not allowed to talk to anyone else now? Like what do I, do I, it's really left me confused. Well, the thing is you're only seeing him a couple of times a month. Mm-hmm. This is more has to do with your internal attachment because as I said, you might be on a subconscious level attached to him, hoping that magic fairy dust will heal him because magic fairy dust always heals people. Yeah. I highly doubt he's seeing a therapist. I highly doubt he's doing the inner work. I'm not saying he couldn't be, but I'm saying I highly doubt it. So you're betting on a future and it doesn't necessarily mean you can't be friendly to him and kind to him, but if you, I guess the question is, if you wanna make a stand, are you ready to make a stand for what you want? Not him. I'm just talking about the relationship that you want. Are you willing to make a stand for the kind of relationship you want? Well, and I feel like I am, like I was able just over the last month, I was able to face my ex who I hadn't seen in the eight months. Okay. My soulmate and I was waiting for him to come back and I was crushed. And I just, I felt like, you know, I finally learned, I mean, still be learning and I'm still healing, but I'm learning what I value in a relationship and what I want someone to bring to the table and what kind of relationship I want. So when I looked at my ex, it was easy for me to say no, you know. By the way, Jennifer Rivera says, she says to the hot seat person run and she's talking about them, I think talking about the other man. So I just wanna give you some insight of what do the ladies think about what you should do? So, you know, here's the thing. I'm a big, like it was nice. For me, it was nice having female company when my son passed away. And to that extent, I wasn't overtly intimate with anyone. I just wanted the company. But what we're really talking about is for you, what it for you is making a stand for what you want and then putting a majority of your energy in that. And while you can be a kind, loving person to this person, you've only known him cumulatively for a short period of time in your life, okay? I don't think you should give, you know, like, I don't believe you should give him all in benefits and it hasn't even been earned yet. And I'm not suggesting you are, but I'm just merely saying, you know, I think it's best that you put your energy towards what you want because, you know, most likely, and it's not just the loss of his child. You guys were, the way you entered into the beginning of the relationship when you started was a bit kind of, you know, without intention to begin with. People, so we decided we weren't gonna rush to commit. Yeah, but you had sex, by the way, oh, that's bullshit. You rushed to have sex, but you didn't rush to commit. That's the biggest bullshit. I'm gonna take it slow, like, but here's the problem. And I said this in the beginning of the broadcast. Physically committing to, physically, physical intimacy should be sacred. It should be reserved for people that are ready for all in, okay? Listen, I'm not here to suggest that you wait to have sex, but I'm saying I think it's really important to have sex with people who are, look it, most guys that are happily in love, happily in love, if you interviewed a thousand guys who are happily in love with somebody that they've been with for one year or longer married, they will all say the same thing. I knew on the first, they knew by the third date, okay? They might not know it on the first date, but they knew by the first 30 days, they knew it. Like, they didn't have to say, let's take it slow, okay? The minute you say it, take it slow, that's a metaphor, like, I'm willing to put one fit in the water, but I wanna have one foot out of the water, so if this doesn't work out, I can run. But you interview anybody who's in a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship who's into their partner, they didn't have to say, let's take it slow. In fact, we're like, let's just dump in the deep end and see what happens. I understand what you're saying. You see, and I wish I would have started watching you right after him and I had started dating. And I felt like I learned a lot from you, like looking, even though I started dating again and when I got online, like, it felt good. It was the first time in my life I went into the dating world and I wasn't sleeping with people right away. Bravo! Yay! Props to you. Hey, well, Alicia, I'm gonna give a chance for someone else to jump on. Did I give you any value tonight? You did, you did, because that's exactly what I needed to hear, so thank you. Okay, can I send you off with a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug? Thank you. Okay, thank you. All right, you be well, take care. Well, that was a fun conversation. It seemed like the general just was to run, run, run. And, you know, I think what's most important and given what that she's gone through or what he went through, it just sounds like it's gonna be a while for he's ready for a relationship and what she should do is make a stand for her sovereignty, make a stand for her choices and then operate from that. Does everyone agree with that? Please let me know, okay. All right, let's see what else we've got. Hey, if you wanna be brave and join the hot seat, we can get you on right now. Barbara says, Barbara says, if a Nan says I love you, I'm assuming she meant man. If a man says I love you on Facebook, does that not say, and but does not say in person, how should I respond? Well, if you love me, will you lend me $10,000? You said you love me on Facebook, can I borrow some money? You know, by the way, I'm joking about this, but on some level, isn't it fascinating? We value our money way more than our intentions or these words, you know? Like there's no value in the words if there isn't the corresponding actions that go with it. And so not to say it in person is rather bullshit, in my opinion. All right, let's see. Lee says, hey, Jonathan, you're a great man, but very much a dreamer. Well, look at the shirt I'm wearing. It's a dream shirt. So I hold space for the highest and best. Possibilities. Yes, but I'm not a dreamer. I'm a fucking realist. Ladies, your likelihood for success is limited. I mean, it is so fucking small, okay? So how could I be a dreamer? I'm gonna tell you, your odds are fucked. Now, if you work with me, your odds are more likely in your favor. As the line from Hunger Games, may the odds be ever in your favor. That's what I do is I put the odds in your favor. No, the odds are against us all, okay? How could I be a dreamer if I sound like a pessimist? But I do hold a vision. I hold a vision because I am in a circle, a group of people. In fact, I interviewed a couple recently, Joy and Matt Kahn. I'm gonna be interviewing another couple. They have experiencing what is known as, if you're not familiar with the work of Gary Zukoff, Spiritual Partnership. I hold space that there are, I mean, I know so many couples. I know so many couples that are in true soul partnerships. I mean, so I'm not a dreamer. I'm just, I believe that most humans experience transactional relationships. Most of you have experienced transactional relationships and it's no wonder that it's all chaotic because look it, it's a clusterfuck out there. I get it. I'm not blowing smoke up your ass, but I also believe if you do the work to be your best self, if you do the work to really be in your empowerment, to love yourself, to make a stand for what you want and you heal the past and you make a stand for nothing less than your watermark, I believe it exists. This close, I mean like how did she have the audacity to be 99% of what I was looking for? I was sharing earlier how I had a six hour conversation with someone and we each said to ourselves, oh my God, we got 99% of the way there. And by the way, it's a fool's errand to try to make a, take a square peg in a round hole. I'm looking for, I don't believe I'm asking for too much when I shared that list earlier of attracted to another, easy to talk to, share the same values, connection with the divine, sexual connection, very attracted to each other, flirty, fun, cute, silly, emotional maturity, financial stability, normal childhood, that's ideal, open to full commitment, same on political and religious views, open to spiritual journeys, laid back lifestyle. I don't think that's asking for too much. I think that's kind of like it should be an easy fit. It's just meeting that person and it's out there. You know, if you're looking for a needle in the haystack, become a magnet. So you don't need to burn down the haystack, you need to become a magnet for that needle and recognize that there are a lot of needles out there but become an electromagnet. How about even that, become an electromagnet? Who are here, write down, if you agree, electromagnet, become a magnet, okay? Donna says, Jonathan, keep that beautiful, high vibrational level, you're not a dreamer, you're so authentic and clearly show it, you keep shining, oh, oh, I appreciate that. Holly says, I agree, Jonathan, I'm so grateful for that. All right, Spitfire says, and I quote, yes, I want to be a magnet for men. Well, not for men, let's just make it the right man, okay? I want to be the magnet for the right guy. Oh gosh, this has been a fun conversation. So 2024, that's the first day of the year right now. By the way, I like this shirt, it's not showing my pit stains, I'm dripping sweat in this. Okay, what's new in dating? Okay, first off, a few months ago, I recorded a video and I said, throw away the dating apps, okay? I said, throw away the dating apps. And I'll be candid with you, I was being in a pissy mood because am I a hypocrite? Because I'm on match.com, I'm on millionaire match, I'm on hinge and I'm on bumble, okay? Now, in the months that our relationship ended six months ago, I haven't been on the apps but three months, I haven't had one day, I haven't had one day because I don't believe in a cold calling way of dating. A lot of people will teach, some of my contemporaries teach a, it's a numbers game kind of approach, go out on one day to week, so 52 men in a year. I mean, like, if you think about it, if you go on one day to week with a different guy, you could theoretically have 52 men and I'm like, oh my God, that's painful. I mean, dating 52 women is painful. I mean, I think going out on random dates, just rolling the dice is painful. In the three months that I've been on the dating sites, I've had three telephone conversations. Honestly, the first two, the first one was she just was so polite, so kind about my son passing away, so I wanted to acknowledge that and the second one recognized me professionally, I wanted to have a conversation with her and the six hour date I had the other night, she recognized me and it was just strictly a conversation. I didn't think it was gonna turn into an amazing experience. I mean, it was an amazing experience of synergy, okay? Why I'm telling you this is I'm gonna hold out for someone that there's a vibe and I believe the first phone call, the first video chat, if I'm meeting through an online connection, will set the stage. I don't believe, a lot of people say they're not photogenic or they're not this or I haven't. Look at, first off, let me just say this, ladies and you are guilty of this just like men are. 99 out of a hundred dating profiles I've seen are so fucking poorly done. It's no wonder you're having mediocre success out there. Number one, okay? I think the profile you put out there is a real reflection and I'm gonna be really an asshole right now. I think the shitty profiles, I'm talking to everybody that's watching this who has a dating profile right now. I could almost virtually bet with a 90% accuracy that you have a mediocre dating profile. And to me, mediocre dating profiles equals mediocre person. By there I said it, I might piss you off, but I'm sorry, if you put a mediocre effort, you're gonna put mediocre effort into a relationship. Thank you, feminine one for the $9.99 super sticker. All right, we're $32 away from our goal tonight of $50, okay? So I don't believe in the numbers game approach anymore. I believe in really vetting someone. Oh, Kate wants to know, Jonathan, what's the difference between your VIP group and your regular YouTube channel? You know what, just sign up to the regular YouTube channel. There's not much of a difference, okay? It's just that we donate money to, we take some of that money and donate it, okay? So that's the big difference, okay? So just because Kate asked that. Okay, coming back to my point, okay, folks, the first phone call is the first date. And it's important to do FaceTime, Zoom, something just to do a sniff test of each other. And the energy on that phone call usually dictates, you know, people can say, well, but I'm shy on the phone. I'm but this, I'm that. Your personality, I mean, it's imperative that your personality is what it is. And if you don't feel like you're photogenic, then hire a fucking photographer to take some really quality photographs of you. If you're not familiar with the website, lookbetteronline.com, I'm gonna look it up right now. Lookbetteronline.com right here, okay? Go to this website. If you are not photogenic, go to this website, lookbetteronline.com. They have professionals that will take really good pictures for you based on your personality and they don't look like, you know, you went and got a, the real estate office look, okay? I've seen some really beautiful women's profiles because they did, you know, like they, this is like, this is the most important decision you'll ever make in your life. And you humans do such shitty job putting your representation out there. I mean, you'll put more effort into trying to get your dream job. You'll put more effort into your other professional capacities. You put more effort into your child's homework assignment than you will your own fucking dating profile. Okay, chill, chill, chill, chill, okay. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm riled up because it's just pathetic out there. It's pathetic out there. And you wonder why humans have such mediocre results. The only reason why I haven't gone out with anyone because I'm, it's like, and I've seen some even women that I might be physically attracted to, but if your consciousness is so fucking low that you can't put together a good representation of yourself, I'm trying, I'm thinking, well, then you don't do a good representation in relationship in my opinion. Joan says, I love it when you get riled up and spread the gospel says, chill, chill, chill, chill. I'm trying, worse on the, no, Kate, I look at these profiles every day, 99 out of 100 are, okay, 90 out of 100 are a piece of shit, eight out of 100 are mediocre, okay? That's the number on the women's side, okay? And yes, it's the same. Power of Jesus, tell us, Jonathan, tell us the truth. Oh, I'm in a riled up mood right now. Who wants to get on the hot seat? Who wants to really hear my wrath right now? Click that link below. Do you have the nerve? Oh, so I want to read something to you all. You might get a kick out of this. Okay, so this morning on Instagram, by the way, if you haven't joined my Instagram, click the link, by the way, everybody, if you're at this point, there's 200 some odd people watching, please join my Instagram right now. I would like the love. Okay, the meme says, maybe it won't work out, but maybe seeing if it does will be the best adventure ever. Let me repeat that. Maybe it won't work out, but maybe seeing if it does will be the best adventure. So here's my quote. In the past few months, since my relationship ended, I've received dozens of DMs, respectfully expressing romantic interest in getting to know me. While such a gesture might offend some folks, I see it as courage. In my book, it takes courage because rejection will most likely follow. It takes courage for a woman to reach out to a man and express interest. And keep in mind, I'm probably not interested in 99 out of 100 people, for argument's sake. I go on to say, my friends thought I was a fool to begin my coaching business 15 years ago. And now I'm one of the top coaches in the country for my niche. Taking a chance might be one of the greatest gifts we give ourselves. And think of the story you get to tell if it does work out. May 2024 be the year you take big chances, especially with love. Can anyone relate? Woo-hoo! Ah! Folks, I want this to be the year that you take big chances with your love life. Because guess what? The days in front of you are probably getting shorter than the days behind you. So take a chance. You got nothing to lose. Conscious attachment means making effort without attachment to the outcome. And this isn't about sending me a bunch of DMs to hit on me. One woman wrote, you're such a narcissist, Jonathan. I'm like, really? Like this post is a reflection of narcissism? Like really? You don't know the hundred things I do every day that is kind and loving. And I apologize habitually throughout my life. By the way, narcissists don't apologize. I apologize habitually. Cause I do about a hundred stupid things a day. Maybe not a hundred, but at least one stupid thing a day. Cause I'm human. I'm willing to own it, but I'm here to say, take a chance with your love life. And if you need support, check out the link, schedule a discovery call with me. I mean, my applications for coaching is jumping through the roof. I feel like 2024 is the year that all of the work, if you've been following me for a while, all of our work together is going to accumulate, culminate, culminate, culminate into a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship. I feel as though it is coming my way. Have I ever read to you my mantra? I'm gonna read you my mantra. God, if you're this far, you're brave. Our mutual physical attraction for one another feels stimulating and passionate, including verbally expressing this attraction towards one another and a regular practice of flirting with one another through words of affirmation, adoration, physical touch and quality times feel sensational. We love talking and hearing about our passions to one another at a balanced rate. And we listen to each other with respect and presence that fills each other up. We truly feel cherished when we speak to each other. We seem like we're on the same page. And at the same time, we appreciate learning new things from one another that feels grounding. And by the way, this is how long this is, okay? Did you see that? Two pages. I just read you two paragraphs. I invite this in for all of you. And if you need some support with that, schedule a discovery call with me and see if working with the coach is right for you. Wait a minute, spread the gospel says, talk to a guy three weeks on an app, then he asked me for 50,000. Well, he was an idiot. He should have just asked for 500. By the way, oh my God, do you know? Oh, this saddens me because I'm gonna criticize human beings. Do you know how many millions, if not hundreds of millions of dollars women and men have given to catfish people? Oh my God. Like it's like, I mean, have you ever watched any of those catfish stories? I know women, I know one woman that gave 300,000 to a guy she never met. I know another woman who gave half a million to a guy she never met, never met. Do you know the other day we had a woman on the channel here who got married to a man, she's never met. I mean, I'm sorry. And if you're watching this, I'm sorry, but to me, that's, I mean, and they're not even in prison. Yes, spread the gospel says, I know selling their homes, yeah. Anyway, Margaret, why do men have trouble apologizing? Because we all are, by the way, most humans, I mean, most humans are rather self-centric, saying I'm sorry, I think that's the epitome of courage, and not courage, but character, to own, by the way, I make, like I said, I make hundreds of mistakes a day, I don't make that many, but I think it's hard for women and women, you women are no fucking picnic either. Oh my God, ladies, you guys act like you're above it all. I'm sorry. You guys are just as much a pain in the ass out there, okay? Stop this high horse, men this, men this, men this. Ladies, you are just as bad. But Jonathan, I'm the exception to the rule. You know, the minute you can own your humanness. Okay, here's my invitation for everyone. The minute you own your true humanness and stop this men this, men are this way, women are this way, men are this way, women are this way. Own your humanness, okay? You're gonna be that much closer to, Sherry says, everyone is a pain in the ass, you're right. Tray says, you're a hoot, I love it. You know, it's interesting. You know, this is a new year. Lisa says, I'm a picnic. Good for you. So, you know, we're in a new year. I mentioned earlier, I'm gonna shoot videos for men about ladies, you ladies out there. You know, I wanna say to you all how much gratitude, how grateful I am that you appreciate my voice, my appreciate my message. I guess I'm just a realist that sees habitual pain. Pain, I see pain. I see emotional pain. I see a lot of humans thirsty for connection, but they don't have the tools. They were, we were never taught how to be in a healthy happy relationship. My parents didn't teach me how to be in a healthy happy relationship. My marriage, I was clueless. Every relationship thereafter, it is through those experiences that I finally grew up. And I mean grew up in a variety of different ways. And so I'm here to call out, listen, my role in life is just to make a difference in some person's life. And I am so grateful that everybody writes me. And gosh, I get so many letters that women in relationship because of watching my channel, but I'm here to say I'm just here to make a difference in the best way I know how, just calling this shit out the way I see it. I'm not a hundred percent right. I am, gosh, I make so many grammatical errors when communicating. I feel like a bumbling idiot sometimes. Do you know how hard it is to do this just on the fly? But I'm grateful for all the love and support. You guys are wonderful. So I have a request as we getting down to the end. I was gonna say, if you know of a woman that you think would be perfect for me, send them my way, but we won't do that. My request is this, I'm gonna be, I would really appreciate it if you could make a list of 10 people you think would have value from watching my videos. If you could put a link to this video right now or any of my videos, email that to 10friends. What matter of fact, do me a favor. If you are willing to do it right in the chat box, I'm willing to do this. I'm willing to send 10 friends or make it 20 friends your channel. And if we could get 100 people to do that today and suggest subscribe to my channel, I would love, I would appreciate the love. Also, I have a podcast on Apple. If you could write a review on Apple podcast, I'd really appreciate it. What else? Oh, donate some money before we wrap up tonight. I'd like to donate some money to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. Folks, I'd really would appreciate it. Look it, there's a little dollar sign in the chat box. And if you watch this video this far, if you're watching the replay, there's a super thanks. I'd be so grateful to start the new year off. We need another $38 to get to our goal of $50 tonight. I would appreciate the love. Weiner Wagon says, I don't have 10 friends. Oh, can I give you a hug? I'm blessed. I mean, I have lots of, I have lots of good friends in my life today. I had a two hour conversation with a friend for the first hour he listened to my story and for the next hour I listened to his story. Oh, Gigi has given me some love. I'm willing to extend your channel to 20 friends. Oh, I appreciate that. Leafs in the house. Oh, I was wondering where you were, Leafs. Happy new year to you. By the way, Leafs is a member of our group here. By the way, if you join the YouTube membership you get this little dollar, a little sign above your name. I give props out to those. Holly says, I don't have 10 friends. Oh, wait a minute. Holly, wait, Holly says, I don't have 10 friends. I'll lend you some of my friends. Oh my God, look at the love, $50 from Kathy. Oh, now that, oh, we got to give you a big gigantic Joth and Bear hug of appreciation. Thanks for the love, I really appreciate it. All right, let's reach, our goal is now $38 to $100 tonight. I've had to fire my friends LOL that I had. I get it, I get it. I fired a few friends. Listen, I think this will be, Lucinda says, I finally caught one of your lies. Woohoo, sending you hugs and love from Corona, California. I just found you recently on YouTube. Thank you so much. Sherry is always referring me out to complete strangers, women mostly. Thank you. Well, we're gonna start that men's channel real soon so send it out to men. Hey, this seems like a good place to wrap up for tonight. Folks, I hope you found value. If you wanna get a guy, if he agrees to the dating vows and there's a link below to get a copy of it, you have a greater chance, he's more likely to commit to you. I hope you found value in this. If you did, post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell. And then in the description below in the first comment, there are places to schedule a discovery call with me to join my Instagram group, to join my membership program, all this good stuff. Oh, well, Power of Chee says, what evasion advice do you give your sons? Well, my son in heaven, I say, have a blast. And my other son, you know, I'm blessed, folks. I have my oldest son, my oldest son. He says, he said this to me today. We met up at the gym. He said, dad, I can't believe how much of your advice I listened to. We were talking about something today. I can't remember what the particular was. He says, I can't believe how valuable your advice is. What advice do I give him on love and relationship? I say to him, most importantly, choose a woman who's totally into you and you're totally into her. That's what I tell him. Choose a woman who's totally into you, fully into her. Someone says, I married it. Mary Beth says, it's meant to be. I hope you and Maria be happy. I highly, highly, highly, highly doubt it, okay? And I actually don't want it. I'm grateful for the experience. She's a wonderful human being. We just weren't right. We were right for the time. We aren't right for the distance, okay? So everybody who wishes I got back together with her and she's a fantastic human being. I know that there's even someone better out there for me, not to suggest, let me reframe that. Someone that is more aligned with me and where I'm at, okay? All right, folks. I think this would be a great place to wrap up. I wanna thank Fran and Sherry and Margaret and Feminine One and Mary Beth and Alayna and Lucinda and the Magic Entertainer and Rhonda and Darla, Howard Chee, Holly, Roller Girl, Leafs, Darlene. Kathy, thank you so much. Wiener, wagon. Trace, Lynn, everybody, big hugs. Thanks for the love. Have a bad evening. You be well, okay? Bye now.