 وأقول في القرآن ما جاءت به آياته فهو الكاريم المنزاله وأقول قال الله جل جلاله والمصطف الهدي ولا أتأوله الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على عبد الله ورسوله نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته كما always we begin with the praise of Allah عز و جل we ask Allah عز و جل to exalt the mention of grand peace to our messenger محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم to his family and his companions Welcome to another episode from the Muslim family this short course brought to you by المدرسة الأمرية We're still talking about our children and we're talking about our children as a test and a responsibility And the next ayah that I want to speak to you about is an ayah in Surah Al-Taghabun ayah number 14 الله عز و جل سادياءيها الذين آمنوا إن من أزواجكم وأولادكم عدوًا لكم فحذروهم وإن تعفوا وتصفحوا وتغفروا فإن الله غفور رحي Surah Al-Taghabun ayah number 14 الله عز و جل said all you who believe and remember we've established this principle in many different lectures that whenever you hear the words يا أيها الذين آمنوا this is something which is very important it is something being addressed to you as a Muslim and Allah is giving you a command a prohibition or something which is a vital piece of information for you And that's Allah is calling you يا أيها الذين آمنوا or you who believe إن من أزواجكم وأولادكم عدوًا لكم Indeed among your wives and your children are enemies to you فحذروهم so be careful of them Now here we've spoken about our children as a gift We've spoken about our children as a test from Allah سبحانه وتعالى We've spoken about the blessings of having children So how could it be that Allah سبحانه وتعالى describes among our children and our wives enemies and he uses the word I do an enemy How could that be? I want you to have a think about that because maybe the first answer that comes to your mind initially might not be the only one The only way of looking at the I or might not be the only answer that is put forward by the people of knowledge and the scholars of Islam So how to think about it? We've talked about our children a نعمة a blessing a gift a test also a responsibility A sunnah from the sunnah of the prophets عليهم الصلاة والسلام So how could Allah سبحانه وتعالى describe them as I do as an enemy to you Even though no doubt Allah سبحانه وتعالى said إن من أزواجكم among your wives and among your children there are enemies to you Have a think about that one. Pause the video or have a discussion with those who are around you who might be watching with you And see if you can come up with the answer So إن شاء الله وتعالى you had a chance to think about that. Pause the video Have a think here It's not so much that it's talking about a child who is really really bad or someone who is plotting against you Or seeking to harm you We're not necessarily talking about the situation that happened with Yousuf and his brothers عليهم الصلاة والسلام And what happened with them seeking to harm him like they were enemies to him Rather this آية is more general than that And to understand this آية we have to ask ourselves what is an enemy In reality what's an enemy And إمام السعدي رحمه الله وتعالى And among others among the scholars of Islam they mentioned that the enemy is the one you read He wants for you a شر He wants something bad He desires something for you which is bad He desires something or wants something for you which is bad And the reality of the situation is that there are many times when our wives and our children want things And those things in the sight of Allah عز و جل are not good for us So really this آية is not talking about them as plotting against you and hating you And seeking to bring about your ruin and your destruction As much as it's talking about the fact that if you were to take on board every suggestion that was given to you by your wives and your children And you were to follow every wish that they had among those wishes and those desires would be things that are bad for you And so they become like the enemy like in the position of the enemy In the sense that they're actually telling you and encouraging you and directing you towards something which is not good for you Of course the enemy is plotting and planning and doing it deliberately But here it might even be inadvertent It might even be something that isn't conscious and deliberate But when you look at the situation in the true reality of it What you see is that what they're actually asking you to do and what they're actually calling you to do And inviting you to do and directing you towards is something which is bad for you And something which is شر it's bad and it's evil And it's going to bring something negative upon you And I brought this particularly for a couple of reasons This آية first of all it gives us that different aspect But also it's part of the test and the trial of our children Part of the test and the trial of our children is that sometimes we will be tested by our children Pressuring or our children seeking something which is not good for them And it's not good for you And one of the tests and the trials is to take that responsibility To be able to resist that pressure when it comes at times And to direct it in the right way and to respond in the right way And here what shows you in the آية That the word enemy here is not necessarily the enemy that seeks your destruction Is the statement of Allah وعين تعفوا وتصفحوا وتغفروا If you pardon If you pardon وتصفحوا And you let things go وتغفروا and you forgive You pardon And you overlook You treat them well And you forgive Then Allah is And this is a great reward that Allah سبحانه وتعالى promises The people who behave in this way So here Allah سبحانه وتعالى didn't speak about them in the second part of the آية Like the عدو who is the one who is plotting against you and seeking your destruction Because Allah سبحانه وتعالى spoke about that kind of enemy elsewhere Elsewhere in the Quran So for example If we look at the statement of Allah عز وجل فَمَنِعْتَدَا عَلَيْكُمْ فَعْتَدُوا عَلَيْهِ بِمِثْلِ مَعْتَدَا عَلَيْكُمْ That whoever transgresses against you, your enemy Then respond back to them Transgress against them the same way that they did to you So here this is completely different So for example in سورة البقرة Allah عز وجل said فَمَنِعْتَدَا عَلَيْكُمْ فَعْتَدُوا عَلَيْهِ بِمِثْلِ مَعْتَدَا عَلَيْكُمْ Whoever transgresses against you, then transgress back against them In the same way that they transgressed against you So this is talking about the enemy that is a typical enemy But here Allah سبحانه وتعالى is talking about something very subtle Because the response what is it To forgive, to pardon, to overlook, to let it go To have mercy upon them So سبحان الله here is definitely a different kind of enmity It's a kind of inadvertent enmity And it tells us a lot about the responsibility of a parent towards their children That we can't be as parents Just allowing everything that our children want Because ultimately there are going to be some things Among those things that our children want That are bad for us and bad for them And sometimes our children might put that kind of pressure And really this is a In a way it's kind of a natural thing That maybe not necessarily from the good natural things But how children learn to sort of manipulate their parents And how they learn to sort of try and push their parents To get what they want And in this situation they could be In the position of the enemy In the sense that what they're actually asking you for And what they're actually calling for And what they're actually trying to get from you Is a شر something which is bad And so part of your responsibility is to resist that But you don't resist it the way that you resist the enemy That comes to you with a sword Instead you resist it with By pardoning With a صفح By letting things go And by having better manners with them Than the way that they might have with you And by forgiveness And by forgiving and overlooking And if you do that And if you manage this situation Of the fact that there can be these things That crop up between us and our children Between us and our spouses Than the reward is the forgiveness And the mercy of Allah فإن الله غافور رحم الله عز وجل is غافور الله سبحانه وتعالى is of forgiving And الله سبحانه وتعالى is رحم الله سبحانه وتعالى is Merciful So here what we take from this Is that part of the test And the trial that we have To have with regard to our children Is that we have to put Allah And put Islam first And we have to make sure that we filter Our relationship with them And the request that they make And the things that they want We filter that through the lens of And what Islam says is good And what Islam tells us is not good for us And that we take that responsibility To shepherd our children Through these kind of requests And the kind of things that they might want to do And we guide them towards What is good by the permission of Allah And whenever there are difficulties Between us or we struggle in that Then our principle is to pardon To overlook, to forgive But we stand our ground in terms of What Islam told us And in terms of what Islam taught us And the reward for that Is the forgiveness of Allah And the mercy of Allah And Allah عز وجل told us In صورة المنافقون يا أيها الذين آمنوا لا تلحكم أموالكم ولا أولادكم عن ذكر الله ومن يفعل ذلك فأولائك هم الخاصرون Or you believe Do not allow Your wealth and your children To distract you From the remembrance of Allah And whoever does that Then they will be the losers Now to really understand this And this is part of understanding Our children as a test And a responsibility Is really you need to understand What the word تلحكم What it means really Because the scholars they mention This إلها It is إنشغال القلب Is for the heart to become distracted Is for the heart And that generally speaking The word الله From which this word comes It refers to A distraction of the heart Do not allow your hearts To become distracted By your wealth By your children And allow those things To remove or to distract you Or take you away from The remembrance of Allah And whoever does this Then they are the losers This shows us that our children We love our children And our children have A very special place in our heart But it's very important That we don't allow that to cause us to compromise As it relates to our religion And as it relates to the remembrance of Allah And the obligations that Allah Has established upon us And we don't allow ourselves to become Distracted by that And as we mentioned before How many people Actually compromise on their religion Because of their children And their spouse And they allow themselves to become Busy and preoccupied By those things Instead of the remembrance of Allah And the beautiful thing in Istanbul Because we've told And we've mentioned that About that children are a sunnah From the sunnah of the ambia That it's perfectly possible To have to be a great parent To have a great relationship with your children To get near to Allah And for your children To get near to Allah That's perfectly possible Because the Prophet's Gave us that example of how to do that But there's also a danger here And this is just like These two ayat we've mentioned The ayah in Surat At-Taghabun And the ayah in Surat Al-Munafiqun Both of them tell us the danger The danger that can be there In our children If we don't take this test And responsibility seriously That one, they could be An enemy to us They could be in a situation where actually What they're actually calling us to And pushing us towards Is something which is bad for us And likewise They could be a reason for our hearts To become preoccupied away from The remembrance of Allah And likewise The wealth that is mentioned in the ayah How many people leave The remembrance of Allah from the salah Or from any of the other obligations That Allah has established I'm working, I can't pray Or I'm busy, I can't pray Or my business is calling me And I can't pray The same thing that happens in that wealth Is the same thing that can happen with Your children That you compromise in some way That takes you away from The remembrance of Allah And if you do this Then you've truly lost So we want our children instead To be a means to help us In what we've eluded to this In the ayah in which Allah God he saidgroaning In them We've got our right to be call them In which Allah said Those who believe And their offspring Follow them in iman We cause their offspring To be To join them To join them in paradise And subhanAllah that's could be a reason to help you to remember Allah and a reason to help you to be among the people of jannah and that's part of a test right there are great rewards in doing it right and there are also great dangers in doing it wrong so this ayah tells us about not allowing your heart to become preoccupied and I think that's really profound because it's not talking necessarily about your body becoming preoccupied and and that's that's the word he is very specific because it's true you could become physically preoccupied like we say the person who's working and running around doing a job and says I you know I can't go to the messier physically preoccupied but much greater danger is for your heart to become preoccupied that actually the problem is not physically you being being busy and preoccupied and and running around but the problem is that your heart it's pre it's it's making your heart busy from the remembrance of Allah عز و جل so this is something that we have to be very careful of if you want to pass this test as relating or as it relates to our children and this responsibility is also alluded to in a hadith of Abdullah ibn umar and we have mentioned this hadith already عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه قال ألا كلكم راعن و كلكم مسؤول عن رعيته indeed all of your shepherds and all of you be asked about your flock فالأمير الذي على الناس راعن وهو مسؤول عن رعيته والرجل راعن على أهل بيته وهو مسؤول عنهم والمرأة راعية على بيت باعلها وولده وهي مسؤولة عنهم والعبد راعن على ما لسيديه وهو مسؤول عن ألا فكلكم راعن وكلكم مسؤول عن رعيته حديث بخاري المسلم that indeed all of your shepherds and all of you will be asked about your flock and both the man and the woman here we've mentioned this hadith before probably more than once in this course already at least once we mentioned it before but here I want to focus on the fact that both of the two parents their children are included in their responsibility and that's why the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم told us that the man is a shepherd and he will be asked about he's a shepherd over أهل بيته the people of his household all of the people in his household his wife his children and anyone else that shares his household within whether it might be for example a servant or whatever it might be so ultimately a man is responsible for the people in his household and the word responsible here the word مسؤول and we say in Arabic we talk about المسؤولية responsibility it means to be questioned because that's ultimately what it what the meaning of the word responsible is that you will be held responsible a man will be held responsible he will be asked the question by Allah about the members of his household including his children and then even the wife and you might think that because the husband is like in the position of the head of the household that perhaps the wife is absolved of this responsibility and perhaps she won't be asked about this responsibility perhaps it will all be upon the husband but the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said that the woman is a shepherd and she's a shepherd over the house of her husband and his children well well he he all of his children that are in that house she is responsible for those children and so that means that this responsibility is upon both of the parents and it's a مسؤولية meaning that the parent will be asked about it and questioned about by Allah سبحانه وتعالى and they will have to prepare an answer for that question think about how you're going to answer that مسؤولية that responsibility and that Allah سبحانه وتعالى is going to hold you responsible for that now here it's really important to note a point which is i believe it's very important which is that you won't be asked about the ultimate result or the end result of what happened to your children because that's not in your hands guidance and misguidance in the hands of Allah سبحانه وتعالى but you will be asked about what you did for your personal responsibility your own responsibility that you were commanded to fulfill as for the result of whether that responsibility ended up in that child being guided and being uh you know upon the straight path and being from the people of جنة then this is not in your hands but what is in your hands is discharging and fulfilling that responsibility that you had to the best of your ability and whatever happened to your child whether they went upon the straight path or whether they deviated you continued to discharge your responsibilities in the way that Allah سبحانه وتعالى commanded you to do so ultimately it's not that you'll be asked about the end result of what happened to those children but you'll be asked about how you behaved and how you responded to the challenges and the difficulties and the tests that came along with regard to your children and whether you discharged that responsibility properly and effectively or not even more scary than that is a حديث which is narrated from عبيد الله بن زياد دهي visited معقل بن يسار المزني رضي الله عنه في مرضه الذي مات فيه in the sickness in which he died i when معقل بن يسار رضي الله عنه was sick in the sickness which he ultimately died from قال معقل اني محدثك حديثا معقل he said i'm gonna tell you a حديث سمعته من رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم لو علمت ان لي حيا ما حدثتك he said i'm gonna tell you a حديث that i heard from the messengers of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم and if i knew that i was going to live longer i wouldn't have told you this حديث i he's telling this حديث because he fears that he's gonna pass away and that he might not have discharged his responsibility in conveying this حديث to the people so when he felt that his death was approaching he said i'm gonna tell you a حديث i heard it سمعته i heard it from the messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم and if it wasn't that i thought that i was going to die i wouldn't have told you this حديث he said اني سمعته رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول i heard the message of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم say ما من عبد يسترعيه الله رعية يموت يوم يموت وهو غاش لرعية إلا حرم الله عليه الجنة حديث سمبخاري المسلم he said there is no servant who Allah gave a responsibility to and he dies and the day that he dies he betrayed he was in a state of betraying that responsibility he was he wasn't fulfilling that responsibility إلا حرم الله عليه الجنة except Allah will make jannah حرام for him there is no person who is given a responsibility by Allah and he's given people to look over to be responsible for رعية he has people under his responsibility and on the day he dies he is in a state of betraying them in that responsibility and he's not fulfilling that responsibility in the way that Allah commanded Allah will make jannah حرام for him سبحان الله this حديث is from the most from among the the حديث that put fear into your heart when it comes to the issue of responsibility towards your children that your children ultimately they are within your they are within your uh flock your shepherd your shepherd and here even though this حديث is often mentioned under the topic of the amir the governor of the muslims or the ruler of the muslims in reality this حديث applies to everyone who the prophet described them as رعن a shepherd so that includes the amir الذي على الناس the amir that is responsible for the people it includes the man towards his household it includes the woman towards her husband's household and his children and it includes the slave towards his master's property because all of those the prophets i think described them as a راع as a shepherd and here it says that any person who Allah gave that flock to gave that responsibility to and the day that they die they are in a state of betraying the people that they are responsible for اللي حرم الله عليه الجنة الله makes جنة حرام for them حرام so this is the danger of failing in this test towards our children that how can a person take it lightly and take and not take it to be a big responsibility and not see it to be such a big test in a trial that this is the danger of failing as it relates to failing in your responsibilities towards the people that Allah has placed has placed you in authority over them so for example the man as it relates to his household as it relates to his wife as it relates to his children and that you know we talked about this is relates to marriage you know when we said about the issue that yes a man has rights yes a man has قوامة and authority but look at the danger if he doesn't fulfill it حرام الله عليه الجنة الله makes جنة حرام for him the woman she has responsibility over her children her children have to obey her we talked about the importance of or we we insha'Allah تعالى we're going to go into more detail later on about this the issue of the the relationship and the rights of the parents over the children and the right of the parents for their children to obey them but look at the danger if you don't fulfill that responsibility properly حرام الله عليه الجنة الله makes جنة حرام for that individual and in our next حديث we're going to see that this is not just a danger for the parents this responsibility but it's also a danger for the children as well there is a حديث narrated by aby huraira أنه كان يقول قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ما من مولود إلا يولد على الفترة فأبواه يهودانه أو ينصرانه أو يمجسانه كما تنتجوا البهيمة وبهيمة جمعه هل تحسون فيها من جدعه أبي هوريره يهود from the message of الله صلى الله عليه وسلم that he said there is no child except that child is born in a natural state in the state of the فترة but it's the parents that turn them into a Jew or a christian or a magian like the animal the prophet says him give the example of the animal from among the cattle the بهيمة and it gives when it gives birth to an animal and this is to understand this you have to understand what they did in the time of jahili and the pre-islamic times they used to mark or brand or cut the ears of the cattle and this was a part of their the polytheistic beliefs they had and the prophet says him asked when the cattle is born is it born like that it's not born like that the cattle is born without that floor without that deficiency in it and without that belief attached to it but it's the people that cut the ears of the cattle it's those people who had that those polytheistic beliefs they are the ones who cut the ears of the cattle likewise the child is born pure the child is born upon a state of natural inclination to worship الله but look at what the parents can push the child towards they push the child towards becoming a Jew or a christian or any other religion and so ultimately it's not just the responsibility it's not just a responsibility for the parent it's also a responsibility towards the child and what that child is brought up upon and know that everyone will have the opportunity anyone everyone have the opportunity to turn towards islam and to accept the message look at what the how the parent can start their child in life or the danger that the parent can have for their child the parent can either take their child towards islam and give their child a great start and an opportunity to grow up in islam the child or the parent takes their child away from islam to some other different kind of religion so the danger is not just a responsibility that affects the parent and the parent not getting into jannah but it also affects the child as well and that's all we have time for in this episode أنا الله عز وجل نوز بست وصلت والسلام على نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعي السلام عليكم if you're enjoying these videos and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running make sure you head over to amau at home.com