 Ladies and gentlemen, here it is Christmas Eve and like so many others throughout the country, Jack Benny is preparing a dinner party for his many friends. At the moment, he's setting the table in his living room. Rochester's helping. There. Gee, the table sure looks nice, doesn't it, Rochester? Uh-huh. And I like the way the house is picked up, too. Especially the trees. You know, Rochester, that's the biggest Christmas tree we've ever had. Yeah, it must have grown a foot since last year. Oh, more than that. You sure went through a lot of trouble decorating the house this year. Yeah, but it's worth it, Rochester. If everything looks so, you know, so Christmas-y, you know. Especially the service porch. You've got to read the poly in the window of each bend. I think it's nice, and during the holidays, the soap is on the house, you know. Boys, you haven't missed a thing. You even got a little frig of poly in Polly's case. Hello, Polly. Come on, Polly. What does Daddy teach you to say tonight when the people come in? Come on, come on, the rest of it. Mary what? No, no, no. Come on, try it again. Come on, Polly. Mary? Mary? Mary? Been acting awfully independent since the price of eggs went up. Now, come on, Polly. You can say it. Mary? Mary? That settles it. Rochester, this year, Polly will get no eggnog during the party. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. She's included. Works every time. You know, she's a sort of a feathered Phil Harris. Well, she said she'd come over and help us. She'll probably be here pretty soon. Please step away from the mirror so I can see how I look. Yes, ma'am. Now, let's see. Oh, Miss Livingston, you look simply beautiful in that evening gown. Oh, thank you, Polly. But don't you think it may be a little daring for a Christmas Eve party? Well, all I can say is that if Santa Claus comes down the chimney, he'll hang around for a while. Well, it is sort of low cut. Now, Polly, when you put away my Christmas presents, I want you to be especially careful with that glass boot bowl my sister, Babe, sent me. Why? Is it very valuable? No, it's not expensive, but she blew it herself. Well, I better hurry over to Jack's house. He'll be expecting me. Thanks. Do you think Phil Harris will be there tonight? Yes, Polly. You've still got that crush on him, haven't you? Uh-huh. Gee, Miss Livingston, how I envy you, sitting at the same table that he'll be under. Well, if he looks up, I'll give him your regard. Well, I better leave now. Yes, ma'am. And Miss Livingston, will you wear your mink, sable, or ermine coat? You can lower your voice, Polly, and the neighbors are out. So just give me my mackin' on, I'll go. Here you are, and enjoy yourselves. The same to you, Polly, and a merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Now, Rochester, I think you can put all the place cards on the plate. Yes, sir, but I don't see how you're going to get all your cast and Mr. Harris' musicians around that table. All the musicians I'm going to eat in here with us, they're going to eat in the kitchen. Why in the kitchen? Because there are no rugs in there, and after they're through, you can hose it down. And use a little sweet air, too. Well, will Mr. Harris eat with his musicians? No, no, he'll eat in here. And I think we better have Remly in here, too. If I put him in the kitchen, it might hurt his feelings. You know, he's so sensitive, you know? Mr. Remly sensitive? Oh, he is, Rochester. Once during our program, I made a crack about him, and it got him so upset that he dealt the piano player six cards. Anyway, I hope they come early. I told Phil not to be late. Hey, Curly, take it easy. You're driving too fast. We got lots of time. No, we ain't. I promised Jackson none of us would be late. Well, what time does Benny want us to get over to his house anyway? 6.30. 6.30? Ain't that kind of early for a party? Not if you want to see him, he goes to bed at 9. Well, I don't understand what... Hey, Curly. Curly, stop the car. Look at that two little numbers standing on the corner. Look, Remly, we're late. I can't... Don't worry. Stop the car. Okay. Hey, honey, how would you like a lift and... Uh-oh, drive on, Curly. What's the matter? Don't ask questions. Just drive on. Well, why? What's the matter? She's my aunt. You know, Curly, I'm pretty tired out from all the Christmas shopping I've been doing. Yeah, me too, Frankie. Hey, look, I've been meaning to ask you. What'd you get your father? Well, I thought that instead of getting him the usual type of gift, it might be better if I just called dad up and talked to him. Wait a minute. You can't call him up. Yes, I can. He's a trustee now. Gee, you must be proud of him. Yeah. Now, look, Remly, when we get to Jackson's house, I want you and the other guys to behave. Jackson's still mad because of the way you carried on these party last New Year's Eve. Is he still upset just because we threw the trumpet player into his swimming pool? Yeah, and tonight if we can find him, let's fish him out. Now, look, Frankie, I'm going to hold you responsible for all the boys tonight, especially Sammy. Oh, Sammy won't be there. He had a tough day at the dentist today. He broke his tooth front teeth. Again, Remly, I've been telling you guys for years, get a bottle opener. Get a bottle. One little bottle opener. Look, I think I'll turn here. This is a shortcut to Jackson's house. Well, everything is ready. I hope they get here soon. Say, bosses, is it all right if I leave tonight as soon as I finish serving dinner? I've got a date. Oh, for heaven's sake, Rochester, why'd you make it tonight? You knew I was having a party. I couldn't help it, boys. Couldn't you make it some other night? I can't take that chance. What do you mean, chance? Her boyfriend is a porter on a super cheap and I lost the schedule. Well, all right. Only I thought you told me you were through with women since your last girl ran off and married another man. Well, she really loved me, but she married him on account of money. Oh, was he rich? No, but he had some. Well, Rochester, I think that I'll answer the door. I just see that there are plenty of ass-phrase and luckies around the room. Jingle bells, jingle bells, how the snowflakes drift. I don't know who that is, but I hope they brought a gift. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. I hope I'm not late. No, come on in. Rochester, now would you say, hey, that sure is a sensational dress you're wearing. Wow. I know, Jack. I really couldn't afford it, but it was so beautiful. I bought it on the installment plan. Really? How many more payments do you have to make before they give you the rest of it? Oh, Jack. Come on, Mary. Let's go in the living room. Hold her, Mary. What's the matter? I got you under the mistletoe. Buck it up. Okay, Jack. You deserve a kiss on Christmas Eve. Hey, that was a good one. You know, I like those romantic kisses, you know. I like those kisses when you take someone in your arm and bend them all the way back. Yeah, only next time. You bend me. I'll cry. I'll cry. So how do you like the way I got everything decorated? Oh, Jack, it looks wonderful on the table. Place cards and everything. Yeah, look over at Don Wilson's plate. I'm trying to hint that he shouldn't eat so much. Do you think he'll get it? Well, that's obvious enough. Instead of a place card, you wrote his name on a piece of rye crisp. Now, let's see. Next to Don and his wife. Yeah, that does it, honey. What do you think? Oh, darling, you look so cute. Yeah. Oh, won't Jack be surprised when I come in dressed as Santa Claus? I really look the parts, don't I? Yes, Don. Gosh, when I look at you, I feel sorry for all the girls' married to skinny fellows. Ah, you really love me the way I am, don't you? I'll never forget our honeymoon in Hawaii. Oh, it was so divine. Lying there on the beach at Waikiki. Watching the moon come up over your stomach. They must be the sportsmen. Quartet, they're picking us up. I'll tell them we'll be right out. We'll be out in a minute. Merry Christmas to you both and what a happy day. It makes us feel so very good that we just have to say, Be happy, go lucky, be happy, Go lucky, strike, be happy, Go lucky, go lucky, strike today. Mr. Fanny's dinner parties are a thing to see. His tables fair, but you won't care. There's L, S, M, and T. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, Go lucky, strike, be happy, Go lucky, go lucky, strike today. Jack is such a perfect host and he'll play love in bloom. And Phil will sing about that thing and drive us from the room. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, Go lucky, strike, be happy, Go lucky, go lucky, strike today. You know, Jack, I've never seen you prepare for a party like you have for this one. Well, Mary, I feel if a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing well. Now, how do you like the way the table is set? Oh, it's beautiful, Jack. Simply beautiful. Only hope that bottle of ketchup isn't in front of Dennis Day's place. Wow, what's wrong with that? Remember last time he put the ketchup in front of him? He picked it up, poured it over his head, and he yells, Look at me, I'm Red Skelton. Come on, Jack, company. Well, all right. Come on, Mary. Follow me, Mary. He is dark in here. Watch your step, Mary. Don't step down and stare. Watch out. Don't tear your dress on the barbed wire. I'll watch it. Careful, coffee is good. Don't fall in the most. Careful. Yeah, I'm going to have to get a new one. This one's losing its teeth. Down, gummo. Here we are. All right, come on, Mary. Mr. Benny, Mr. Benny, who's that with you? Oh, oh, this is Miss Livington. Miss? Yeah. Yeah, she's a girl. Girl? Yes, that's the opposite sex. Sex? I'll explain it to you some other time. How have you been, Ed? Fine, fine. But I haven't seen you for a long time. Oh, well, I've been busy. I've been traveling a lot, you know. Travelling? Yes. As a matter of fact, last month I went to Europe. Oh, well, be careful that you don't travel too far, Mr. Benny. You're liable to fall off the edge. No, no, no, Ed, they prove that it's round. Well, Ed, I came down here to give you this little present. Oh, is it my birthday? No, no, no, no, Ed, it's Christmas. Oh, Merry Christmas. Well, I'll open it and see what it is. Gee, just what I always want. A pair of sunglasses. No, no, Ed, they're reading glasses. Thanks a lot. Well, goodbye, Ed. See you again soon. Bye, Mr. Benny. Now, come on, we'd better get upstairs before the guests arrive. Okay. By the way, who else is going to be at the party besides the cab? I invited the members of the Beverly Hills Beavers Club. Gee, I bet those kids are plenty excited. We all hear fellas camp all of them. Now, don't forget Mr. Benny's present, please. No more toys. Now, after all the trouble I went to getting a violin record of of course, the cotta played by Yasha Hyphid. Well, why are we giving him a record by Hyphid? For sentimental reasons, but after all, Mr. Benny was his teacher and taught him all he knows. Mr. Benny, you'd better get some sleep. Leaving him that stuff, and I'll put you back to bed. Do you guys ever hear Mr. Benny play the violin? Sure. I didn't play, oh, promise me at my uncle's wedding. He plays at a lot of weddings. Yeah. Mr. Benny and the minister have a package deal. Oh, my God. Now, Joy, you're going to give the record to Mr. Benny. I hope you remember the speech you wrote. Oh, sure, I know it by heart. Listen, to Jack Benny. Do not open this cotta. I'm not going to open it. Listen, to Jack Benny, do not open this till Christmas. It will keep you in suspense. If you haven't bought our gift yet, this one cost us 90 cents. Why, Betty, don't take the hand. I'll do it, fellas, let's go. And I want to remind you of the special rule contrast to the party. There'll be a two-cent fine for anyone who asks for a second to dinner and a three-cent fine for anyone and a nickel fine for anyone who tells about the time Mr. Benny tried to show us how to do a cartwheel and his hair fell off. Right. Now, don't cry because dinner stayers going to pick us up and take us to the party. Dennis, you better hurry or you'll be late. Oh, I'll be ready soon, mother. I'm saving with that new electric razor you gave me for Christmas. What's taking you so long? The lather keeps clogging it up. I'm almost done, though. Oh, for heaven's sake, Dennis, you're not supposed to lather up when you use an electric razor. I'm not? No. Now wash the soap off your face and put my brush away. Yes, mother. Now, son, I want to remind you of a few things to do at the party. Remember, it will be Christmas Eve. Mr. Benny will be in a good mood and maybe you can get him to drink a glass of wine and then ask him for a raise. No, mother. Last Christmas I tried that, but he beat me to it. What do you mean? He made me drink the wine and I took a cut. Anyway, I'm going to keep away from him. I'm going to spend all my time trying to get Mary Livingston under the mistletoe. Dennis, don't annoy Mary too much. Well, what do you mean annoy? She's nuts about me. She is not. She is too. On her birthday, she kissed me. Did she kiss you on the forehead or on the lips? Both. I was on a pogo stick. Dennis, son, look at me. Yes, mother? Dennis, sometimes you act a little silly and I must confess it's probably my fault. Your fault? Yes, Dennis. Many years ago when you were a little baby, I was bathing you and I dropped you on your head. Well, that's nothing. Lots of mothers drop their babies on their heads. From the third floor? Oh, I should have known there was something wrong when you bounced back up again. Yeah, well, mother, I'm all dressed. I wish you'd change your mind and come to the party with me. Oh, I'd rather not, son. I don't think it would be right. Mr. Benny isn't expecting me. Oh, yes, he is. I told him I was bringing you when I bought the tickets. In that case, I'll go. Well, shall I answer the door? No, I'll get it. Come on, Mary, that must be the gang. Well, it looks like everybody arrived at once. Everybody, merry Christmas. Come on in, kid. Hey, Curly, get a lot of the dress Mary's wearing. Yeah. Hi, Phil. Well, if it ain't Radio's answer to say, Emerson, you're done. Hey, Phil, where are your musicians? They've been here a few minutes. They've got a present for you. A present for me? Yeah, the boys all chipped in and badly went to get it. He should be driving up any minute now. No kidding. A present for me? What is it? You'll find out. Hey, I'll give you a hint, Jackson. It's, uh, it's something you stepped down into. Phil! A new Hudson. No apparent shorts. Well, they're nice, too. Now, come on, kids. Oh, Mrs. Dane, now, please stop pushing. No, you have to kiss me. Now, please, Mrs. Dane. We've been acting out that mommy's getting away. Oh, go on, Jack. Give Mrs. Dane. Mrs. Dane. Oh, please, Mrs. Dane, please. Look, look, his face is turning blue. All right, Mrs. Dane, all right, close your eyes. There, how is that for a kiss? Kiss? I thought I chipped and fell on a wet mop. Well, gee. Dane, put down that cat. Now, behave yourself. Thank you. Now, look, kids, what's the matter with Don? He's sucking a chimney again. Oh. Well, we'll get him out later. Hey, Jack, now about surfing the truck. Now, what's the matter with Don? Hold it just a minute. Now, look, everybody, quiet. Quiet, please. I want to say something. Now, kids, this is Christmas Eve. Before we sit down to eat, I think we should all gather around the piano while Dennis sings a medley of Christmas songs. On behalf of my sponsor and my entire staff, I want to wish each and every one of you a very, very Merry Christmas. That's the Columbia Broadcasting System.