 This is the intro. Yeah, yeah, every good video starts with a good intro and that was mine. Welcome to Kyle is Famous. This is a game that came out a little bit ago that I've had downloaded forever because I meant to play it, but then I didn't for some reason. I don't know why, but today we're going to play it. So let's start. Apologies for my scraggly voice have just woken up and it's early. Kyle wakes up, he is famous. Oh, Kyle is the host of the most popular talk show in recent memory. Stay up late with Kyle. Stay up late with Kyle has grown in popularity quickly in the last year and the public. Oh, the public's noticed folks. Inside has called Kyle a mostly excellent dumpy white man. Top tech noted that Kyle is inspiring youth to explore STEM fields. Most other talk shows are dedicated to discussing Kyle and his personal details. Most online videos are best clips of taken from Kyle's latest broadcast. Now the world is upon Kyle. Tonight is Kyle's most important guest interview yet. Stay up late with Kyle will be featuring Rachel May. She's a very kind and lovely philanthropist. She is dear to the hearts of many. The interview requires preparation. Kyle's cracked his eyes open knowing today is the last chance to prepare for the interview. Kyle has 30 hours left. He must choose his actions wisely. Today we are deciding Kyle's life because Kyle's famous. Oh, he's so important, he's famous. So let's start private. Kyle's first decision of the morning was made widely. With her away, exit the bed, dude. Exit the bed and you go right to the closet because you're gonna choose an outfit. Kyle decided to take some time to choose the perfect outfit. Knowing how important his appearance would be. A slick suit, a suit of armor, skunk pasties, jeans and swimming goggles. You know, this first round, we're gonna play it all right. Kyle miraculously crammed his dumpy body into the suit. The chest pockets were filled with random knickknacks. Back to the room when we are going to exit to the hallway. Kyle walked into the small hallway that connects the rooms of his apartment together. We are going to move to the kitchen. Every good day starts off with a good breakfast. We're going to open the fridge, prepare breakfast. We're going to prepare breakfast. Kyle opened the fridge intending to find something to eat. Kyle constructed a breakfast of poached eggs and toast along with a small fruit cup and grilled sausage. That's a fucking good breakfast. We're gonna eat it up. Kyle ate his breakfast slowly and thoughtfully, enjoying every bright. He felt refreshed. Okay, let's return to the kitchen. Let's return to the hallway. Kyle, what will we do next? We're going to return to the bedroom and we're going to sit at the desk. Kyle made his way over to his desk and sat down. We're going to write notes for the interview. Yes, Kyle wrote down his first question. Is your mother a mother? Am I a mother? Are you a mother? Let's go with are you a mother? Kyle wrote down his second question. What are some diet tips? Beef, master blended. Ever eaten a raw egg whole? Let's go with what are some diet tips? Kyle wrote down his third question. What's your funniest story? Do you ever smile? I purposely ran over a puppy. Kyle, we're gonna go with all the ones over here, I think. Kyle wrote down his last question. Do you feel guilty? Are you guilty? What's your guilty pleasure? Kyle ripped his page of notes out of the notebook and got up from the desk. Okay, let's go back to the desk, Kyle. Now this is very important. Let's check the desk drawer. He opened up his side drawer on his desk and grabbed one of the items. That sort of change. Back to desk. Let's pick up a small key. I don't know what the key does, but we're gonna keep it anyway. We're gonna go back to the desk. We're going to go back to the room. We are going to exit into the hallway and we are going to leave the apartment. Kyle walked into the middle of the road and took a long pondering look around him. Visit downstairs neighbor. Visit the tech store. Let's visit the tech store, I guess. Kyle walked into the clean white tech store. He greeted by Techno Gym, an elaborate cutout mascot with flashing lights. Steal Techno Gym. Ask a tenant for free samples. I don't think we need any of these things to happen. Let's visit the downstairs neighbor. Kyle approaches downstairs neighbor's door and knocked. Middle-aged woman named Gabby answered the door. She looked at Kyle expectantly. Let's greet and start the conversation. Nothing, huh? Nothing, Gabby? Kyle hurried to the set. Sitting across from his host chair was a glamorous woman with an air of genuinity, genuinity, genuinity. I know what it means. It means to be genuine, genuinity, genuinity. I've got a lot on my mind. There's a lot going on, okay? Don't look at me like that. I see how you're looking at me and I don't like it. So please put your judgment somewhere else more. Kyle approached her. Rachel looked up and smiled. Let's approach Rachel. Good evening, Kyle, she said. Looking up in the eyes, I've been looking forward to being here. Kyle says, scream and spin in circles. Let's answer politely this time. And I as well, Rachel, answer Kyle, extending his hand and greeting. You're a most welcome guest. Shake hands. After a mild exchange of pleasantries, Kyle and Rachel were prompted to take their places for the broadcast. Oh my God, they've got sick beats. A moment after seating, the studio lights brightened and the cameras clicked on. Oh, good evening, everyone. I said, Kyle, looking at the camera. Welcome back to stay up late with Kyle. Are you staying up late? Oh, it's seven o'clock in the morning. Tonight I have a pleasure of interviewing the lovely Rachel Mae, who needs no more introduction. Kyle motioned to Rachel, who smiled and waved to the camera. Hello, Kyle. She said, I'm glad to be here. So happy to be here, Kyle. Well, I'm sure we have a lot to discuss, so we might as well dive right in. You know how interviewers, is Jimmy Fallon? I'm very ready, said Rachel with a winning smile. Kyle produced the notes he had taken earlier. You know, let's start off with, you know, what's your funniest story? Let's, you know, lighten the mood a little bit. Get everybody hooked in with a laugh. You've been involved in a lot of different things, said Kyle, but what's your funniest story? Well, that's a great question, Kyle, said Rachel. I think the story I always remember is the first time I tried to make dinner for my family. In the soup I made, I swapped out water with milk and tipped the whole jar of salt in the pot. While my family was sick from trying to eat it, I swiped their things and locked myself in my room. That's not a very funny story, Rachel. Kyle decided to move on. Kyle asked another question. What are some diet tips, Rachel? Maybe not putting all the salt in the soup. Rachel, you managed to keep such a thin and healthy figure. Kyle said, what's your best diet tip? Well, the good diet starts with a plan, says Rachel. Eh, no breakin'. Cheetahs can turn into a habit, that's right. But, she continued, that doesn't mean a midnight snack here and there isn't allowed. Hey, you gotta treat yourself sometimes, right? Kyle looked at his flabby self, decided to not comment and moved on. Kyle asked another question. Are you a mother? Rachel, I and many others would love to know are you a mother? Kyle looked up from his notes. Well, being a single woman with a career, she answered, that's not something that has crossed my mind. Rachel smiled genuinely at Kyle. Very reasonable indeed, said Kyle. He referenced his paper of questions. The last one, what's your guilty pleasure? Well, we all have one. What's your guilty pleasure? What's your vice, Rachel? I wanna know, what demons do you have inside and what do you do to calm them? Oh, well, that's an easy answer. Dipping pickles in chocolate sauce, you're disgusting. I love pickles. I love chocolate sauce. Together, that's not a match I'd like, moving on. It might sound strange, but it's tangy and sweet at the same time. I ate it far too often, Rachel smiled sweetly. After reading his final question, Kyle looked up from his paper, pulled out his guitar, so it's strumming away apparently. Well, Rachel, he said, I think that's all I was planning on asking you. That's the case, Kyle. Maybe I ask you something in return, asked Rachel. Smiling one more time. Do you prefer for your interviews in advance? Because you seem very together. Before Kyle could answer, the camera shut down. The broadcast was over. That's a shitty show. Kyle returned home knowing the interview had gone well. But as he lay in bed and he drifted to sleep, he felt that perhaps something was still missing. Kyle prepared very well. Well, why don't we not prepare very well? There's 21 endings. All right, let's wither away in bed. Kyle has started to stay puttin' wither away. Kyle withered successfully. Oh, Kyle is now a ghost. Is this not relief him of his responsibilities? Kyle exited his bed, took a quick glance around his room. Let's scavenge. Kyle quickly crouched down on the floor, realizing his immediate need for bugs. Kyle started to pick between the fuzz of his bedroom carpet, hoping to catch a stray beetle or two. Soon he had a small handful of various insects dead and alive. Let's eat him immediately. You don't wanna wait, you know, there's prime time for when the juices and the bugs are ripe. You know, you wanna have, when you pop a beetle in your mouth and you crunch down, you don't want it to be dehydrated and flaky and crunchy. You want it to burst open in your mouth like a gusher might do. You know, Kyle threw back his head and crammed a sticky, wriggly mass into his mouth. He felt refreshed, good. Kyle returned to the bedroom. Let's exit. Let's just leave the apartment. Check lock door. What is that? Kyle walked over to the strange door on the hallway but found quickly that the door was locked. Float door was, we don't even need the key. Kyle uses ghostly powers to walk straight through the door. Let's go inside. Kyle found himself in the room, stashed various items sent to him by fans. Check sewing machine, check supernatural artifact. I mean, yeah. This is one of the many mysterious artifacts Kyle has been sent over the years. Let's grab the artifact. Kyle stashes the mysterious artifact for later use. Okay, let's go back. Let's go check laser claymore. Expecting a battle, Kyle grabbed the laser claymore. Okay, we have a claymore now. Okay, check the sewing machine. Kyle walked over to the dilapidated sewing machine. The box was only half removed. Let's leave the apartment. And let's visit the tech store and let's steal Techno Jim quickly before the attendant could acknowledge him. Would he at all? He's a ghost. Is he invisible? Is he not visible? How opaque is his body? I'd like to know. Kyle grabbed Techno Jim by the shoulders. Let's go. Finding that Techno Jim's cardboard feet were bolted into the ground. Kyle started to pull upwards forcefully. After several tugs, Techno Jim broke free leaving one foot and one leg behind. Kyle glanced at the attendant who was staring bewildered and ran outside. Let's just continue. Let's visit the downstairs neighbor. Kyle approached downstairs neighbor. Hmm, paranormal. He ceased to be a ghost before he arrived. Oh, so we're not gonna be a ghost. Okay, sitting across from his host chair was a glamorous woman. Okay, okay. What if we throw the artifact at Rachel? As she approached to shake his hand, Kyle produced the supernatural artifact and winged it at Rachel's face. Within moments, the artifact colliding with her head, Rachel started to turn into a lizard demon. See, this is what I was thinking before. I was like the way that her tongue moves when she talks. She can't be human. She's got to be something more. Rachel began to cause destruction, tipping over lights and causing crew members to scatter. Kyle realizing the disaster, Dan Kahn decided it was up to him to tame the monster. Let's throw a self. We are going to sacrifice ourselves. Kyle launched himself with the monstrous Rachel and a great collision of flesh. Kyle rammed face first into the monster's stomach. Kyle continued to launch himself into Rachel's stomach with wild abandon. After several dozen collisions, small insignificant bones in Kyle's body began to fracture. Kyle continued because he's a hero. Not only is he famous, he's a hero. Rachel began to lose stamina from the incessant damage Kyle was inflicting upon her. Kyle continued his assault. Nobody present could tell what parts of his body were bruised and what weren't. Eventually in one well-placed lunge, the artifact embedded in Rachel's face popped out. Immediately Rachel turned back into her normal human self. The studio now enchambles, flicked to life. The broadcasts started automatically. Well, you know, you gotta do what you gotta do, I suppose the show must go on. Kyle unable to move properly became aware that the eyes of many were upon him. He tried to address the audience but instead spewed some mixture of breakfast, phlegm and chunks out of a wall, chunks of wall. Kyle's spewing video became a very hot meme. Online personalities used it to express distaste but about social issues. Teenagers sent it to each other about homework amounts. The Rachel's broadcast was rescheduled for the following week. Fans complained about not being able to see Rachel's face as she wore protective headgear the entire time. Rachel prepared by being a lizard. That's like the best ending we could get, I think. That was fucking sweet. We're gonna exit to the bed. I love a good lizard story, don't you? We're gonna open the closet. We're gonna do everything fairly normal. We're gonna choose an outfit. Jeans and swimming goggles. I think, you know, a fashion forward casual style. Yes, he could barely see out of the goggles. That's okay, that's okay. We're going to sit at the desk and now we are going to check the desk drawer. We're going to get some assorted change, going back to the desk and we're going to check the desk drawer again. We're going to, can we just grab everything? Let's just grab everything just in case. It kind of was out of batteries, of course it was. They all are. Small key, let's grab it, okay? And now we are going to go back to the room. We are going to exit to the hallway. We're going to check the locked door. We are going to force door with the four, that's not what the key is for. Well, let's do it anyway. Kyle decided it would be best to try to force the door open with use of his face. Ever smashing his face into a solid wood for several minutes, Kyle gained severe short-term amnesia. Oh, well let's check the locked door, huh? Kyle walked over to the strange door in the hallway but found quickly that the door was locked from the inside. Ah, okay, okay. Let's leave the apartment. Let's visit the downstairs neighbor now that we have a key and a flashlight, a middle-aged woman named Gabby. Consume Gabby, greet and start conversation, scream and spin. Let's consume Gabby. Kyle unhinges his jaw and swallowed Gabby whole. Like a snake person, okay? Like a snake person. Job done, Kyle returned to the middle of the street. Let's, uh, let's visit the tech store. Let's buy batteries with change. Yes, we finally can do it. Kyle heard his set. What will we do with the batteries now? I like that there's a check mark up up here because we, you know, we finished the job. We consumed Gabby. Sitting across from his host share was a glamorous woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you, Rachel. I know who you are. Forget her name from amnesia. Hello, you. Kyle's ears began to ring from his concussion. Rachel looked at Kyle, slightly confused, but continued smiling. Before she noticed the glazed look in his eyes that produced her approach. Time to get started, he said, putting a hand on Kyle's shoulder. Let's get stationed. Huh? Let's make some movie magic. Yeah, Kyle sat in the nearest chair. Rachel, her seat stolen, sat in the host chair. A moment after seating, the studio lights brightened and the cameras clicked on. Let's start the broadcast. Good morning, everyone, said Kyle. My name is Kyle made a desperate effort to remember his name or really anything. Kyle looked at Rachel. Do you know who I am? He asked. Rachel looked back confused. Who are you? Well, if you're not Kyle, I don't know who you are. Rachel smiled sweetly. Kyle made up his mind that he was probably Kyle. Well, I'm Kyle, a long silence followed. Eventually, Rachel began again. I'm Rachel. Hi, everyone. She waved. Hi, Rachel, said Kyle. So why are you here? Rachel was visibly worried. Haha, funny. She said, are you planning on asking me any questions? I mean, I don't have any ideas, said Kyle. Kyle kept staring at Rachel. Someone coughed. Kyle looked around and noticed the crew. Who on earth are all of you? Yes, nobody answered. But doesn't he have a short-term amnesia? Wouldn't he know the crew? Kyle got out of his chair and walked off, walked off frame, leaving Rachel alone with millions of viewers. Rachel started to attempt to entertain the audience herself. Eventually, the producer entered the broadcast early due to technical issues. Kyle woke up in his bed the next day, remembering nothing of what happened. Kyle forgot everything. All right, let's do one more. Let's do one more ending. Let's really fuck it up this time, huh? Huh? Let's open the closet. Let's put on the skunk pasties. You love to see it. You love to see it. Let's sit at the desk. Let's write some interview notes. Am I a mother? That's good. Ever eaten a rye hole? That's good. Do you ever smile? Do you feel guilty? Exit room to the hallway. Let's move to the kitchen. Let's have a good breakfast. Let's eat the fridge. No, I don't. Yeah, let's eat the fridge. Let's eat the fridge. Kyle pointed his neck directly upwards and hoisted the fridge up top of his face. Somehow, miraculously, he wrapped his mouth around the device and started to swallow. In one slow, horrible movement, the fridge slid down Kyle's throat. After many gurgles, pops and snaps, Kyle felt relatively sure the fridge would not come back out. Kyle walked to the center of the kitchen. Good. I'm glad we got out of that unscathed. Let's just leave the apartment. Let's leave the apartment. Let's visit the downstairs neighbor. Let's see. Let's greet and start a conversation. Good morning, neighbors, said Kyle cheerfully. Gabby looked up at Kyle expectantly. Ask Gabby about Kyle. Ask Gabby about Rachel. Ask Gabby about Gabby. Let's ask Gabby about Gabby. What's up, Gabby? Gabby, tell me more about yourself. Who are you? Doesn't matter, I suppose. Doesn't matter. Oh, oh, if you're not a phatist person, I don't even want to know about you. Sitting across from his host chair was a glamorous one. We all know, Rachel, you're so glamorous. Good evening, Kyle, she said. Looking him in the eyes, I've been looking forward to being here. Kyle responded. Scream, spin, spin and scream. Kyle started to stretch out his arms wide and tilted his neck upwards and was interrupted by his producer, telling him, he just, was interrupted by his producer, telling him that him and Rachel, him and Rachel, that it was time to start the show. Okay, let's go. Moment after seating, the studio lights brightened and the cameras clicked on. Good evening, everyone, said Kyle. Welcome back to stay up late with Kyle. Kyle vomited all of the horrible things he had hidden earlier onto the floor. Rachel looked at Kyle concerned. Gave a couple of calls and decided to play it cool. Keep the show running. You know, you just gotta roll with it. Yes, Ann. Kyle stopped and vomited again, then continued with a shaky voice. Tonight, I have the pleasure of interviewing the lovely Rachel May, who needs no more introduction. Kyle motioned to Rachel, who smiled and waved at the camera. Hello, Kyle. I'm glad to be here. I'm sure you are. Well, I'm not sure we'll have a lot to discuss so we might as well dive right in. I'm very ready, said Rachel, with a winning smile. Do you ever feel guilty? Uh-uh, do you feel guilty? Huh? About what specifically, Kyle? Things, things in general, life. Rachel did not answer immediately. I think she said that everyone things have things that they regret, but those things are not always what others would expect. Rachel folded her hands on a lap and didn't have anything more to say. Did she murder someone? Did she kill a baby? Ever eaten a whole raw egg? Just pop it in your mouth. You don't even chew, you just swallow, Rachel. Hey, Rachel, listen. Ever eaten a raw egg whole, like shell and all? Of course, that's what I said, a raw egg whole. I have like a lot. It's really bad though, so sometimes I spit it back up. There was a silence. But actually it gets you easier. It gets easier the more you do it. Continued Kyle without losing momentum. So don't start, I say. Rachel chose not to answer and look in the other direction. Kyle asks another question. Rachel, am I a mother? I need you to tell me right now, straight up. Am I a mother? Don't bullshit me. Kyle looked at her very seriously. Rachel is visibly very unsure of how to respond. Well, Kyle, I think you might be a better source of answering that question than I am. But do you think I'm a mother, Rachel? Do you think I'm a mother? It's not about the facts on the table. It's not about my appearance. It's not about, you know, what I think. You know, don't throw the question back at me. Answer the question for yourself. Do you think in all seriousness that I am a mother? Think about that real quick. Rachel pause for a second before answering. I think you inspire youth to pursue STEM fields, she answered. That's not the question that I asked you. I didn't ask you if I inspire youths. I asked you, do you think I'm a mother? It's a yes or no question, then you can elaborate if you wish. Do you think I'm a mother, yes or no? Just answer the question. Do you ever smile? Like seriously, Kyle spat his question out viciously. Rachel, stop smiling. If you're going to be on the show, you need to smile, okay? Said Kyle, not smiling. You're here to get views and you'll get more views if you smile. Here, I'll show you how. Kyle turned to the camera and gave the audience a huge teeth clench, bug-eyed grimace. Rachel nodded and obviously wanted to move on. After reading his final question, Kyle looked up it from his paper. Tick, tick, tick. Well, Rachel, I think that's all I was planning on asking you. If that's the case, Kyle, may I ask you something in return? Rachel smiling one more time. What on earth are you wearing? Are they made of skunks? Before Kyle could answer, the camera shut down. The broadcast was over. Kyle returned home, knowing the interview had gone well. But as he lay up in bed and drifted to sleep, he felt that perhaps something was still missing. Well, that was Kyle. And Kyle was famous. Kyle prepared very well, I know. So before this video ends, I have a question to ask all of you. And you know, I know that Kyle asked Rachel this and I know that people don't want me to recycle these questions, but I want to ask you, do you think I'm a mother? Yes or no? And again, I don't want you to shoot the question around and be like, oh, anything you inspire, use. Do you think I'm a mother is the question? Yes or no? And then you can elaborate if you want. Five to eight sentences, MLA format, whatever the fuck. I don't care. Am I a mother? You let me know. You let me know. What does that mean?