 But I want to get this tattoo on my body, which is you don't have to be the strongest person You just have to be the strongest you because I never asked for HIV I didn't want to get HIV like no one does who the hell wants to get a chronic disease You know, it's kind of opened my eyes to things that I would never have I would have never thought about before like I always said yeah I want to go back to South when I left Southeast Asia because I was I went to Southeast Asia for a month and a When I left I said I want to go back, but had it not been for HIV and dealing with I'm having to deal with I would have never thought about even going back to live for a few years and teach English as a second language Those kind of things it's it's opened my eyes to Actually getting involved and like taking care of my health even better like doing CrossFit. It's my word for 2019 is Fearlessness because it's kind of like alright I dealt with something and it's like opened my eyes to this just I want to live my best life Yep, I've been saying that too and I think that's the like the subtle blessing of Getting HIV is even though we don't want it and for me that was the biggest fear in life But if you if you take the right attitude and the right approach to it It can present the opportunity to evaluate your entire life physically health fitness Emotionally mentally your goals your dreams everything and kind of give you the opportunity to reevaluate and find out what truly matters because When you feel like your life is in jeopardy even though it's not really today It still gives you that initial shock and it kind of like snaps you out of just the humdrum You know motions of life. I think that's a powerful kind of gift It comes out of it. It's interesting you say that so That was kind of a theme Among the support group when you go down to your for your initial visit and then when you go through your Six-month follow-up and then your annual visits. So each annual visit You might be in there with people who have been in the military for 15 years You have been living with HIV for like seven of those years and they're just there on their annual visit But you might be like me where you're you know, no kidding first week second week of January Whatever it was it was my initial visit and what's great about it is in the first day You have a support group and it's led by a licensed psychiatrist But it gives you the chance to like talk to people that was no kidding one of the like same thought process went to everyone which was Crap man, like I didn't want this disease. The one thing that's taught me is let me live my life to the fullest Let me be the best person I can be and I think that's a testament to people who serve because you're already in that mindset of fighting for what you believe in and being proud of of what you're doing and So that's really cool. That's another thing I was gonna tell you too is when I got told that I was gonna be going Recommend I was recommended for a full medical board, you know, I sprung into action You know, and I was like all pent up like man, they're not gonna kick me out like I'm gonna go And I was like going a hundred hundred miles an hour And then once my about two and a half hours of kind of running around Talking through things. I got back in my car I turned on my car music that was on my phone like Automatically, so I plan to the Bluetooth and I just like sat there for a moment And then all these emotions ran through and I was I cried hard for like five minutes But but really and truly what it is is because it's it's exactly what you just said I don't want to lose a career that I love Because like when I when I raised my right hand on 26th June of 2014 and said that I would support and defend the Constitution of the United States and then I did the same thing again on May 23rd of 2018 I truly meant what I was saying like yeah, I'm gonna serve my I'm gonna serve my country like I'm gonna do what my country asks of me if that means I have to go deploy I'll do it, you know, like When you start when you sign up to serve in the military You also were signing up to if they ask you to put your life on the line You'll do it and there's a lot of things that you have to come to terms with When you're thinking through joining the military when you're thinking through all these things because you have to think There's questions that pop and like am I okay with dying for the United States of America? And when you say yes to that question, you're like, okay, let me do my job And so then to have someone, you know, and she like with that being said like I love my job And that's kind of the that's kind of the theme that you have is when these kind of things happen It's like I signed up. I love my country. I love the military I love my brothers and sisters that are serving with me and you're telling me that like this medically okay disease Matters so much that we're gonna kick you out, you know And that's what really hits people the most is man like the military is it's a good crew it's a good job like It's not for everyone but for those that want to serve and like it's a good job and like I love my country And we all want to serve we all sign up for a reason So like let us do it like let us do what we want to do, you know Well, I commend you. Thank you for your service I commend you for having the fight and wanting to really not just fight because you're angry or you're resentful or Because that comes across in a certain way, but you honestly want to help Make change and make things easier for not only you but everyone who's gonna follow in your footsteps eventually because more More people are gonna be in your exact same shoes And if you don't do it then someone else has got to deal with it I mean, you know if I told you this you're not but you know because we're still fighting this thing man I guy just a few days ago The reason I kind of was down in the dumps is because another guy got his letter of this notice of discharge from the secretary of The Air Force and it's like man. What are we doing? And you know and it's like a double whammy too Because to to to get that diagnosis That's very very upsetting for a lot of people and then on top of that To have this whole system and structure and these people in place that are your life in your world To say you can't be with us anymore. It's like I can't imagine that because you know, I've had this thought before like man If I was like you, you know and like I just worked You know I was a bartender and like whatever else or if I was like a friend of mine who like has hiv He works for chase bank, you know when it happened. No one gave it a second thought. He just got diagnosed He has health care through his company Through chase. He's got health care. No one said anything about it. Like he just kept on living his life It's very weird because the military is one of those think places where you see a lot of social change, but you also see a lot of resentment And resistance to change too, right because like look back to the look back to like the um Brown versus board of board of education, right when segregation happened The military was several years ahead of like reintegrating units Before the rest of the country did the military moved ahead was ahead of its time in allowing women to serve And allowing women to go to the service academies and we were ahead of our time when it came Yes, there were people that had a trail like trailblaze Hope change mindsets, but at least at at least at a policy level. We were moving ahead of the social kind of norms 2011 the repeal of the repeal don't ask don't tell happened Which means service members were able to live as gala as being bisexual openly Proudly and I think I told you this before but you know when that happened if you were stationed in a state like Mississippi Where they did not allow gay marriage then you were allowed non-chargeable leave From your commander for several days so that you and your significant other could then travel to a state in which You could get married to make it legal pretty incredible This is in 2011 the obergefell versus the us didn't happen until june 26th of 2015 Like this this was four years before you know So you see that there's progress and there's social movement, but then you see a lot of issues where it's like Maybe not because now I feel like in a lot of aspects for example The ruling for the supreme court on transgender service came down for the ban on on military service You know, so it's I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm almost feel like we've gotten to a point where society in the military has kind of just Finally meshed and now the military is moving at the same rate as the rest of society. We're no longer this social justice trailblazing Institution hiv still is a huge stigma surrounding its it's as a disease and really and truly it's not a it's not a thing anymore I had a wake up call the other day though Well, I was talking to a friend of mine because we were talking about the c5 airplane The c5 airplane is the largest cargo airplane in the u.s. Air force inventory There's a joke that says If you're at a c5 or if you're the base that has c5s and c17s The c17s are always gone because they're always on the mission somewhere flying But all the c5s are there Because the c5 joke is oh, where's the c5? It's broke half the time. Well, that's not the case anymore They did a lot of revamping like they now have like the Rolls Royce engines on them and that kind of stuff But the joke is in this the joke in the stereotype of the c5 world is they're never flying They're always broken and even though they've been updated and and they're great airplanes now That stereotype of them breaking you still get nervous when you watch a c5 Do the corkscrew? Combat landing you're like, oh, I hope that that wing doesn't fall off They don't crash But then I kind of it was a wake up call for me because I was like man That's what people think about hiv because when they hear hiv they think 1980s early 1990s people in the hospital Wasting away and it also affects multiple regions of the country You and I are fortunate that we live, you know, you live in the la metropolitan area I live in the san francisco bay area like we have a ton of resources But you know, like there's a lot of people who have hiv that are fortunate like us to live in places like San Francisco la san diego new york city, um, chicago, washington dc But what about these people that are living in birmingham, alabama or, you know, val dosta, georgia We'll think of any think of a new rural town or not so progressive town Especially in the deep south or parts of the country where very Clothes-minded conservative. I don't want to think about anything But what I grew up on beliefs run wild in those areas. There are no resources I don't know if you've seen this There's a map, but we looked at the map when I was down at the at the brook army medical military the brook army medical center Was the doctor that was down there. We had a discussion about disease update where we are on research Where we are on possible cure in the future You know where we're at with new medications coming online like big tarvi all these kind of things But we also looked at the map which is from blue shades of blue all the way down to dark dark red Blue is like tons of resources tons of like Improvements tons of cases being diagnosed. It's a good thing because people are seeking treatment The dark red areas are the areas where the AIDS epidemic is running rampant because People aren't getting tested people don't have access to resources And if they do have access to resources and being tested there are two things that may Prevent them from having treatment One is stigma telling one so they just don't get treated or they don't get tested And then number two if they do get tested they are found HIV positive There's a lot of areas that doctors like if you're in a small like town Save I don't know. Let's let me pick a town. There's a place called macomb mississippi macomb is pretty small, right? Probably less than 10 000 people live in that town If you were to go and get tested for HIV and you come back positive those doctors may not even have a know-how Or a connection to anyone to get you resources to get you help and then of course it's the south I'm from the south or a small area where you're living in a town where oh my god, you got HIV And then now your name's out there You're the talk of the town and so that there's and there's just and there's yet again more issues We've got because what I'm trying to get at is like we can only do so much, right? We're trying to give awareness But it's that idea that you and I are people that people should get exposed to Right the we are happy and we're healthy and we're living a good life But the problem is you and I are the kind of people that are few and far between Because a lot of people just don't want to be outspoken a lot of people just want to keep it to themselves There are few friends know about it and and that's that's perfectly that is perfectly fine Like if you want to live that way that is fine as long as you're happy with how you're living That's great, but the problem is you know, you and I can only go so far because you and I can't be everywhere You know everywhere all the time there are outspoken individuals You know But the amount of outspoken individuals is way outweigh But a number of areas we should we need to be in we need to go talk to It's the community building that I think is So crucial and things like your idea for the nonprofit is gonna help create those things where even if you can't physically be around Us you can at least have an online community Have like-minded goals work towards the same like marathons and stuff like that So just the feeling of community can be a huge benefit to someone who Is that would otherwise be struggling with stigma and people around them judging all the time and I feel for people I feel for the members of the lgbt can be because the thing is it's not just it's not just the fact that Okay crap now i've got hib it's it's before that You know you're you're dealing with the fact that you're living as an open Member of the lgbt community in an area where even that's not okay. Yeah exactly And if you're not lgbt And you're diagnosed with hiv That creates a whole another set of problems because if you're living in that area People are gonna assume that you're gay or bi on the dl something So I I hear that argument too from straight guys who are like man this sucks like I got hiv I got it from a woman and now i'm being accused of being gay and bi and people are questioning my sexuality And now i'm getting stigma about that too and I mean yeah, I it's funny you say that because like there's a there's a I'm in a guy who He's 40 He and his wife Both have hiv He got it from his wife. He was diagnosed just a few years ago You know, what about there are people who Especially in the straight community hiv is not something that straight guys think about but They should affects them just as much and you know, it's funny because The my friend who he got it from his wife. He says the same thing people still question him like oh, are you really straight? Oh, did you like step out on your wife and get hiv? Did you go like have sex with some guy? It's like no I've never had sex with a guy. I've never even like Thought about it because like i'm straight He's like no my wife gave it to me and they and they were like, well, why didn't she show up earlier that she had hiv? And they're like because it's something we didn't even think about man Like you know and it's in and so for me mine was kind of a An interesting tricky situation and that's another thing I kind of have an issue with I will say When it goes back to the military was I went in on september the fourth To the emergency room. I remember going to sleep on monday on the thing was a second Or the third whatever it was, but it was labor day monday. I remember I had Going my mom was in town because I was taking her around the bay area Just kind of shown her the city because she never been to san francisco. So I was taking her mom and she had been Sick she'd go to the doctor because she'd been sick with that Flu like virus that had gone around in the country And like swept the u.s. And she had had gotten sick with that and then she came to visit me It just is all so like so coincidental Because I remember I like left Dropped her off at the ascent. It was a airport. She like left I went to took a soul cycle class with a buddy of mine and I drove back home And I remember feeling more tired than normal And then I started getting sick And I woke up with like 104 fever on tuesday Didn't go to work. I went immediately to the ER I had a secondary infection as well and it was just like all of these issues and they like Treated me as if I had that virus and then I went in a second the second day I went in because I still just didn't feel better And then I was like man this sucks and then I went on friday again because I just couldn't get better They gave like they gave me an IV they like did all these things But you know it lasted about 10 days. Well, I had Had it not been for those other symptoms the fact that I was around my You know around a few people who had been sick They probably would have properly treated me for the seroconversion illness But like that was when I got that was I know for a fact that week was when my body was At that point of all right, man, you've been infected for about two weeks. Now your body's ramping up Trying to fight take control of the virus Then I felt better and the sad part was had it not been for me going back in for a routine Three month checkup. I would have never been diagnosed until like my My mandatory two-year like checkup which sucks because like because here I here I am in like a monogamous relationship I had already been tested for like tested negative like I think I'm all I'm all good right and then So I like went in for like one more three month follow-up Not even scheduled by me but scheduled by the by the public health guys Like had it not been for that like I would have had no reason to get tested because like I'm only in a relationship with one person like you any more questions, uh Not for now, but are you are you willing as uh, you get updated and as your case progresses to come back Update and kind of like track your your journey as it has as it happens Yeah, and that's perfectly fine. And um if you have people who ask, you know You have more questions or they can find me on facebook. They can you know find me on instagram or I will say though It's it's one of those things that just kind of I take I take one pill and I just kind of forget about it I don't really think about that. It's just kind of like becomes second nature I don't think I don't really think about it and even when I'm like working on these ideas and like putting together timelines and You know working on a website and working on these different things working with people I just forget that I have HIV I know that sounds crazy. It doesn't to me I don't think about it That's my my biggest goal is influence making sure people have a network of hey, can I do these things? Okay, is my heart gonna explode if I run a marathon or he's gonna be needed You know need to be replaced on at age 50, you know where am I gonna run a 50 mile trail run? And wake up tomorrow and like progress to AIDS because it's immunosuppressant like those kind of things. So like actual relevant information to what they want to What they want to accomplish But then also to like getting to a point where people just are so involved in their life And so involved in like living adventures traveling the world like smashing goals crushing an iron man crushing a marathon Whatever They just forget exactly Yeah, again, thank you so much. Thank you for your service. I commend you a million times over again And we'll be in contact and I'm so excited to share this with everyone