 from the popular web series, Red vs. Blue. And I'm Simmons from that same show. Today we're gonna be doing a special PSA about acting. Buckle up, man. Top brass is putting on a master class. Now Red vs. Blue has always set the highest bar for quality voice talent, hiring consummate professionals for every role, no matter how small. But let's say, I pose theoretically, you didn't hire professional voice artists for your web series. Let's say instead, you were just some dumb idiot and cast your idiot friends instead. Like literally, who was ever around? You put a microphone in front of them. Well, son, you done fucked up. Amateur voice actors are the worst. Your friends likely have all the emotional depth of cheap copy paper. Worry not, my friend. Reinforcements are on the way. Here is the Red vs. Blue guide to working with amateur voice actors. There are many schools of acting in the universe. The Meissner Techniques, Lee Strasberg's method, Stanislavsky's system. For amateur actors, however, we recommend you use helmet filters. You say tomato, I say tomato, but it all sounds the same through a broken walkie-talkie. With a good helmet filter, much or most of your dialogue will be incomprehensible. This will work in your favor because if viewers don't know what you said, they also won't know you've said it wrong. Michael, I'll keep the crash door open. It's fine. You always argue me about the crash door. I don't even understand. Why would you want me to get a cat? Ha, ha! That was probably very funny. Now, real actors will tell you that their craft is all about making choices. The obvious choice is to err on the side of over-the-top cartoonish performances full of flair and exaggeration. This incompetent approach is utter hogwash. The only thing worse is a voice actor who makes no choices and just uses their normal voice without any changes. You know, Simmons, you do such a great job of masking your actual accent. Sometimes I forget what your real voice even sounds like. Thank you, sir. The voice I use for my character Simmons is a careful mask. My native accent is a result of growing up in Scotland and West Texas. Here's what I actually sound like when the microphones are off. Boy, howdy, ya wheel-ass. My hovercraft's lippin' for wheels, y'all. Ah, forget about it. So natural. Just goes to show that voice acting is all about subtlety. The art of understatement. Less is more. But if you want nuance from your amigos, well, too bad. The emotionless reptiles you call friends are as subtle as a category five hurricane. Instead, you're gonna wanna focus on volume control. Here to talk about the delicate intricacies of volume is our resident expert, Kaboom- Hello! They're best friends. They're secrets! Here's a quick warm-up exercise. Many amateur actors get hung up on pronunciation, but repetition of a difficult phrase will help them get into the right headspace. Watch as we demonstrate how professionals handle this simple warm-up. Repeat after me, Simmons. Pad kid, port, curd, pulled cod. Pad kid, port, curd, pulled cod. Double time. Pad kid, port, curd, pulled cod. Pad kid, port, curd, pulled cod. Pad kid, port, curd, pulled cod. Forward and backwards. Pad kid, port, curd, pulled cod. Pad kid, port, pulled cod. Pad kid, port, curd, pulled cod. Nailed it, Simmons! But thank you, sir, not a single mistake. What's the time to record? There are several things to keep in mind. A trained actor, like myself, will carefully study a script for days on end in order to understand the deeper context and hidden meanings within a script. This deep reading of a screenplay is critical for an actor to understand their character and the context of each word in the dialogue. However, the dumb apes you ask to grunt out your masterpiece won't read that script until the very moment they're speaking the words into a microphone. So, as a director, you'll have to break things down for them. Oh, it's you! I've been waiting a long time for this. Actually, in this scene, your character is confronting the person who murdered their wife. Confused now? Can you break that down for me? You want revenge. So, right, why don't you just give me a line reading there, Mr. James Cameron? On the upside, you can get ignorant actors to say whatever you want. Does anyone have an adult diaper lying around? I've had a bit of an accident in here. I'll have to record Doc's lines later. Oh, what a mess! Whoever wrote these wonderful lines deserve one million. Wait a minute, I'm not gonna read that. How about whoever wrote this deserves to be fired? You're all fired! How about them apples? You might not be able to prepare your actors as much as you'd like. However, digital technology means you can ask them to do as many takes as you need to get the perfect one. Ah, my balls! Let's do one more take. Nah, it's okay, I'm good. Okay, finally, if you assume that your amateur actors will be low maintenance and easy to work with, you're in for a rude awakening. In reality, it's quite the opposite, especially if they think they're naturally funnier than your script. Get your hands up! Get your hands up! Get your hands up! Nailed it. Get them up, dirtbag! Hands them up, hands a-pangy! I'm just gonna keep going for a minute. Hey, get your hands down! Just get in the top of the day, put them up, up and away! Stop up and away! Spare them away! Miyazaki, damn Simmons, this is cold! You getting all this? I threw in an anime reference. He's the boss, so, you know, I just smile and nod. I am really feeling this. I'd like to do one or two hundred more takes. I'm gonna go take lunch. Simon says get your hands up! Get your hands up! Baby, hands up! Baby, hit me one more time! Finally, a few parting thoughts before we leave you today. In your war against amateur voice talent, you're gonna want to choose your battles and prepare to lose them all. Stanislavski taught his students that acting is reacting. The most important thing a performer can do is really listen to their scene partner. Right, Sarge? Absolutely, Lopez. By listening, you can riff off your scene partner's energy and emotions. This will help dialogue feel free-flowing and natural. It can even reach a point where you and your scene partner start automatically finishing each other's. Actors are like weapons. They'll have different ranges. Christian Bale is an intercontinental ballistic missile. On the other hand, your friend who works at GameStop does not have the range to play a ruthless, space mercenary. Maybe cast your friend as Donut's evil clone instead. Evil Donut. Couldn't agree more. If another friend changes their character's voice over time, best just ignore it. Consistency, consumistency is what I always say. And if you think hitting it big and becoming a highly successful series will encourage your friends to, say, take some acting classes, don't hold your breath. They won't! They will just keep dialing it in forever and ever and ever. When's lunch? Our final piece of advice is that you should do everything within your power to avoid the situation all together and only hire professional. Professionals like us! Ha ha! Wow. We really did this wrong. Can't spell ass without class. Got that backwards. Oh my God. Lestate, Stasper's method and the Stal- Stannis Lobosky? I hate you. I didn't write this. Pancake, pork cold, black pig called Parker Darger Parker. You got something in there. You can make it work, I'm sure. No, no, no. But what's he saying? Like we have to start the camera on the line that I'm most perplexed about. I can't. Also. Scottish Texan accent. I hate you all so much. Have you ever eaten a blackberry before? Yeah. Has anyone ever eaten a blackberry before? I made a protein shake using blackberries. Don't ever do that. However those dumb apes you have to voice your masterpiece probably won't read the script until the very moment they're speaking the words into a microphone. Hey! Pat kid, pork curd, pool cod. Pat kid, pork pool cod. Pat kid, pork pool cod. That's what I messed up. For the record, I've been shouting here for like the past three hours and now I can't talk. Hello! Everybody in the building's like, yeah, no, we heard you. We all heard every word that you said. They certainly won't. They'll just keep phoning it in forever and ever. And never. And never. When's the check coming? I gotta get out of here. This is the first time in like 15 years anyone's ever recorded me doing this and it's the worst I've ever done. Thanks for checking out that episode of RVB. You can find the playlist to watch more below or you can go to roostatif.com to check out the latest RT shows. 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