 So, whenever I do these titles, I often wonder, do women say, why is all this coaching for women and why aren't men doing work to improve themselves? In addition, maybe these titles might seem a little click-baity, and what I mean to say, they're designed to entice you to click. My hope is that if you watch my channel on a regular basis, you know, I'm a little bit different than most of the dating and relationship coaches out there, because what I like to encourage is something beyond dating and relationship advice. And what I mean to say is that specific strategic advice to, you know, text a guy this or message a guy that. So he comes back to you or do this to make him fall madly in love with you. I'm here to encourage something a little bit different. Well, quite frankly, not different. What I believe is necessary, and that is personal development, self-help and spiritual work, because quite frankly, the most attractive trait to any human being is actually emotional maturity. And while in a minute I'll go into the five traits we're going to talk about with respects to this video, I want to lean into emotional maturity for a second, because the reality is we, I think human beings are quite delusional. I'm going to repeat that. Human beings are quite delusional. And what I mean to say is they're, okay, delusional isn't quite a fair statement. They're oblivious or unconscious to their negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life that cause them to have unhappy experiences, particularly when it comes to dating, mating or relating. Most dating advice is based on attraction. And all you have to do as a lady is sit back in your feminine energy and let that guy claim you, because that's all you need to do. Well, in my world, that's bogus, that's bupkis, if you will. Because in my world, if you really want to attract an amazing relationship, well, it starts by really attracting the amazing relationship within yourself. And what I mean to say is develop the skills that actually prepare you to be in a relationship. Those skills are excellent, or not excellent, good communication skills. And one of the most important facets of good communication skills is being able to actively listen, acknowledge what another person says, and then accept what that person says is being true for them. Now here's the thing, I know a lot of women that say communication, communication, communication is the most important thing in a relationship. And yet women can be equally bad at communicating. Ladies, I'll be candid with you. Many of you have a propensity to vomit your feelings, vomit emotions, vomit things, and also you have a habit of saying in 10,000 words what men might say in 50 or 60 words. Now, women have a propensity to tell us the entire back story. So you're not off the hook when it comes to emotional maturity and relationship skills. Because I think this is a human issue. In fact, everything I'm sharing here has nothing to do with gender. Even the five traits that make a man or woman attracted to you is a human thing and not a gender thing. In fact, that's one of the challenges we have with dating is so much dating advice, the rhetoric is based on gender-based advice and not human-based advice. This is why I am such a big proponent of human beings understanding where their negative patterns and limiting beliefs stem from in their life. This is why I continually recommend the book, The Hoffman Process. The Hoffman Process. This is a deep dive into healing your childhood wounds and traumas. By the way, there's a link below in the description of all the books I recommend. If you want to listen, if you want to schedule a discovery call with me, click on the link right there or at least in the description to see if working with a coach is right for you. Because I'm here to encourage something different than traditional dating and relationship advice. I'm here to encourage individual empowerment, particularly for women. Because ladies, you have a habit of giving your power away to men. In many cases, it's not so much for the younger generation. I think the 20 or 30 year old generation of women are operating from a completely different paradigm from those of us that are part of the baby boom or Gen X period. And certainly, if you're in my range of clientele, which as I say is after baby making years and before retirement. So most of my clients are somewhere between 42 and 69. I can tell you, many of you have adopted the, I don't want to say the belief, the experience of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. We are suckling on the nipple of the need for so much validation that it's no, I mean, constant validation partially because of these devices, the need for constant validation, constant checking in. And by the way, ladies, men are terrible at this. You've witnessed this over and over and over again. I think now some guys are also habitual textures. So let's not get into that or maybe we could get into that. But what I will say is men and women are thirsty for validation because the reality is is most men and women at midlife, they want companionship, they want connection, they want physical intimacy. What they're lacking is that capacity to go deeper into commitment. That's right, deeper into commitment. What I mean to say is the need for commitment these days is diminished from where it was 50 or 60 years ago. In fact, today, I would venture to say that the vast majority of people who are non married, who are in a relationship, I'd say the vast majority are experiencing a casual relationship. In fact, many of them might be experiencing a friends with benefits relationship. They might be experiencing a casual relationship and very few. I would say the percentage is rather small. That's experiencing a more fully committed relationship, at least one where maybe they're living together like what I'm experiencing right now. At least that's, you know, when you commingle your money together, that's pretty serious. OK, so I might be a step away from marriage when you live together. But certainly when you commingle your money together, that's certainly a route to commitment. And yet sadly today, most human beings are cavalierly dating. It's all based on on chemistry and attraction. If you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg chart, I'll show it here. Most people focus on attraction, which is chemistry. What they don't contemplate, truly contemplate is compatibility. And that shared value is blendable lifestyles. And I kept saying in the beginning, emotional maturity. A lot of times women, men tend to focus on the surface areas. They tend to focus on physical attraction as their precursor to a relationship. And women tend to focus on status and the ability to be a provider protector, more so than men. Men aren't as concerned about that as women are. I'm just saying generally speaking. So why is all this information important? Because I think it's really, I think it's important to understand that what's the purpose of dating? Is it just to have a good time? Let's have a good time, let's have a good time, let's focus on having a good time. In fact, many of you are thinking in the short run, well, I'm happy to see someone only once or twice a week. But at what point are you going to think beyond that? Like in my mind, I reverse engineer a relationship. I think of where do I want it to be? And how do I get there? Think about that. Where do I want it to be and how do I get there? It's like, it's funny, my girlfriend, I got to say something. I love this woman. She has such amazing what we traditionally call male qualities. And what I mean to say is she can put together a table. She actually put together, she practically put together the table behind me. She has a little pink tool belt and all the electric screwdriver and stuff, and she was putting together a table today. And I was helping her for the physical aspects of it. Why I'm sharing this with you is she was looking at the instructions that didn't make sense. So she went to the photograph to get a visualization of what it's supposed to look like. And then she went to the instruction manual. Well, this is what I continually and habitually encourage everyone is understand the owner's manual. This is why I recommend these two books habitually. This is from the Gottmans. All my books are falling down. Eight dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. And the seven principles to a successful marriage, making a marriage work. Why? Because this gives you a roadmap into what a successful relationship would look like at the end run instead of focusing on the beginning, because many of you are focusing on the beginning, but a guy was going in this direction and you're going in this direction, you're wondering why you're not meeting in the middle. But Jonathan, love will conquer all because if we love each other, it will all work out. Folks, love for many of you is magic fairy dust. In fact, for many of you, love isn't real love. And I just dropped my book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Love is actually love attachment style. Many of you are experiencing attachment to another human being that you believe is love when it's just really a unconscious, involuntary attachment to another human being. In fact, if you follow the work of the Buddha, Buddhist philosophy, it says all suffering comes, at least this is my paraphrase of it, all suffering comes from an attachment to an outcome. All suffering comes and that's what dating relationship is. Now, let me be clear about something. It's okay to see the framework in the future, what you'd like it to look like and it's never gonna look like the picture. Just like when I built model airplanes. My model airplanes never looked like the picture, but it was close. At least have a vision of what that looks like and then figure out how to, let me backtrack that, figure out how to reverse engineer it. This is why these books help you understand the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. And that's why I habitually talk about it. Folks, you can bury your hand in the sand believing that again, a guy will claim you if you just sit in your feminine energy and you're in your empowerment and believe it was the book. Oh, I dropped the book. I dropped my book, Why Men Love Bitches, because I do love that book from the empowerment sense and bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. And what I mean to say is, listen, this title was geared for women to click, okay? And in a second, I'll share those traits. But most importantly, this is a human thing, not an individual thing. Ladies, when you operate from a place of empowerment, you become a magnetic attractor for the type of relationship you want. My hope is for you for that. God, universe, spirit, I am experiencing a juicy, delicious relationship where we have amazing chemistry with one another and our communication is off the charts and our banter can go on for hours and hours at a time and we can blend lives together and we share the same values and we can build the deep roots of trust that can sustain our relationship when we're struggling because all relationships have bumps in the road and I'm grateful to be experiencing a relationship where we actually can persevere when we hit those bumps in the road. God, universe, spirit, I'm experiencing this now. I want you to think about it from the end in mind and then reverse engineer it. So these traits I'm about to share with you gives you some insight. Again, this isn't singular to women. This is men should be operating in the same climate as well. So I'm put on my trusty glasses. I wonder if the sun has set yet. Hold on one second. I'm gonna open up my blinds if I can reach it. Ah, and the sun has set. So now you can see the view that way. All right, how's the view by the way? Is it nice? How do you like the look of my office? All right, let's get into those five traits men value in women. These turn him on and these will turn you on as well. Here's my notes. Bum, bum, bum. All right. So number one, I actually added two traits into one. I said she's consistent and kind-hearted. She's consistent and kind-hearted. You know, I gotta tell you something. What I've observed in the dating realm and one of the things I so appreciate about my beloved is that she's consistent. In other words, she's not flaky. You know, she's not changing plans. There's not always problems. She's very consistent. And in that consistency, there's a level of kindness. There's a level of kind-heartedness. And I'm so grateful to be experiencing a relationship with someone who can operate from a consistent, kind-hearted way. And I will tell you, a lot of you women think you are, but you can be ridiculous. Listen, consistency starts from the very first communication, right from the very first communication. Many of you think you're consistent, but because they're a total stranger, you might treat them with a bit of ambivalence or treat them as a maybe, and men do this as well. And then guess what happens? People lose interest. Consistency and kind-heartedness from the very first communication is a trait that emotionally mature men appreciate in women. And everything we're about to share is about emotionally mature people. If you're not familiar with my Emotional Maturity Relationship Skills chart. Now, this is not a fact. This is an opinion, but I will tell you, I believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues, clinical issues. And while I say 20% of the population, this is relationship skills, and this is men and women alike. And while I say 20% are healthy, I'm probably being very generous, the vast majority of humans are dysfunctional. This is where the inconsistency comes. By the way, I'm gonna be blunt. This isn't, I had a woman say on one of my videos said, you know, Jonathan, after watching your videos, I don't have very much hope. It's very discouraging. I go, yeah, I get that. By the way, statistically speaking, you've got a less than 20% chance at midlife of attracting a great relationship. I'm gonna say the odds are against you. My job is a coach, right? There's a link to schedule a call with me. My job is to put those odds in your favor. I'm gonna help you become, instead of looking for the needle in the haystack, I'm gonna help you become the pin cushion. In other words, all those good needles are coming to you. But you have to be willing to do the inner work first. And by the way, not all men have to do personal development work. Not all women have to. But I will tell you this, the capacity to be introspective is a necessity, whether you've done personal development work or not. In fact, I just noticed that match.com now offers, I think it's called betterhelponline.com. In other words, they're offering therapy as part of their package when you sign up with them. I'm a big proponent of people to doing that some level of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. This is why I continually recommend my, and therapy, I recommend my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? That Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work, by the way, the link's below. All right, let's get into these traits some more. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Number two, she's willing to make effort. She's a doer, not a taker or a waiter. I don't mean waiter as in your server at a restaurant. What I mean is a person that's waiting for men to do everything. Folks, again, I'm gonna talk about my beloved for a moment, and that is what I appreciate is right from the very beginning, she didn't play the feminine energy games with me or the book, the rules. You know, right off the bat, when I sent her text message, the next time she initiated the text message. In fact, in the beginning of our relationship, she initiated most of the good morning text messages, partially because we're in a two hour time difference, but she would send me a good morning handsome text. She was initiating the text message. But Jonathan, all of a sudden an energy coach is telling me not to do that. You're not supposed to be an initiator. You're not supposed to make effort. You're supposed to let the man do all the work. Folks, if you're dating in midlife, you better understand something. Men want to be, want effort from you just as much as you want effort from them, okay? And men who are a bit more mature appreciate that effort more so than the men that are in their 20s and 30s. So I'm here to encourage, by the way, there are a lot of women who are takers. I gotta tell you something. Dating for myself was with women, I noticed a lot of women who are takers. And in other words, entitled women. And the waiters are the ones that are listening to the feminine energy advice, just sitting back in your feminine doing nothing. You're just waiting, waiting for the guy. Listen, if you went out on a date with a guy, let's say for example, and you had a great date and he said, I'll give you a call and you don't hear from him. Well, all the coaches would say, you know, wait, he'll claim you if he really liked you. Well, sometimes men want you to text and say, I had a really, you know, two days later, I had a really great time. Hey, I'd like to show my appreciation for you treating for the drink. Can I take you out for a drink? Now, is that gonna work? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But if he declines it, you can move on much quicker. At least by making effort, you're putting your relationship destiny in your hands, the all state hands, instead of his hands. And by the way, all of you love the idea of men being the leaders of the relationship, right? Well, I'm telling you, you're giving the job to the wrong person. You are in charge of your relationship destiny. All right, number three, I love this one. She's ambitious, ambition. Someone who has ambition in life, someone has a drive, whether it's their professional life, whether it's their passion, you know, and maybe in a creative sense, maybe it's artistic, maybe. Just that level of passion and ambition is incredibly attractive. But Jonathan, some men are turned off by those types of women. Folks, let me be clear with you. Weak men and controlling men are turned off by ambition. Weak men and controlling men. Emotionally mature men love women who have passion and ambition in their life. That is a sexy turn on. That is a trait men truly appreciate in women. Number four, she has sense, sense. And what I mean is common sense and a sense of humor. I'm mixing in a few extra in these fives. Common sense and humor. Folks, men can't stand women who don't have common sense. Ladies, tell me something. What, how do you feel about a guy who doesn't have common sense? It's kind of a turn off. And then let's talk about humor. You know, one thing I love about my beloved is she and I, our little kids play together. It's fascinating to me. Our little kids play together. And this is where our humorous side comes out. It's like our whiny kids come out. But we identified that's our little kid coming out. And what the benefit of that is this is where we laugh and play together. For her and I, what I think makes our relationship juicy and delicious is that our little kids play together. And humor in common sense, sense, if you will, is a key trait that turns a guy on. And lastly, and they value that. Lastly, she is agreeable. She is agreeable. Listen, agreeable isn't the same as doormat. Okay, many of you think an agreeable, I would say women these days are oftentimes just as controlling as men. And what I appreciate most in my partner is that level of ease. Like when I say we'd like to do something, she's like, that sounds cool. It's not like fighting. I don't know if that's female masculine energy. I think that's just controlling behavior. But I'll tell you, the best relationships are where two people are agreeable with one another because through agreement, you can actually forge the deeper roots of trust needed to go deeper into your relationship. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Okay, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on these five traits I just shared of what men value in women. Okay, let's go into Q and A. For those, this is my live Q and A. If you have a question to ask me, write the word question, post the question thereafter or purchase a super sticker, super chat. All the monies from the super sticker, super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there with his brother, Colin. He's my son who passed away. Gosh, it's over four years now. And his honor, I'd start this. So there's a little dollar sign in the chat box or if you're watching the replay, you click right next to the like button. There's a super thanks. And that's an opportunity to donate to this Connor Asley scholarship fund. And all the monies go to either organizations like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute or to defray the cost of personal development for those in need. All right, so again, write the word question, post the question thereafter. And I'm gonna grab my little glass cloth and let's see what kind of questions we have. By the way, I hope this really resonated with you, this content. All right. Skyblue says, I have never waited on a man to do anything for me in my life, LOL. All right, Paul writes, is this a guy? Question, you've previously recommended the Gottman's Card Dex apps. What is your favorite deck in the app? Oh, that's a good one. Let's take a look at that. So folks, if we go to Card Dex, oh wait, and that's this way, Card Dex. Right there, Gottman Institute. Well, of course it's the sex questions. LOL, just kidding. Oh, first sex question, have you had an orgasm? What do you need from me? After you have an orgasm, what do you need from me? That's a good one. If you do not orgasm during intercourse, do you like to use masturbation or reach to reach orgasm? When you masturbate, do you usually have sexual fantasies? If you do, would you be willing to tell me about them? Oh, that's an interesting one. Do you enjoy masturbation? Is it different physically versus psychologically? What messages did you receive growing up about masturbation and how does it affect your view on life now? This is interesting. I haven't read these ones. How do you feel about how about me masturbating? Is it different alone versus together? This is Card Dex from the Gottmans. Go to the Apple or Google store to check out the Gottman's Card Dex. Paul, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Courtney Cobb has a personal question for me. Have you ever used Card Dex with your beloved and sweetheart? Folks, I am a walking Card Dex. Jonathan, by the way, after one of our phone calls once we began seeing each other, she, I unpack everything. And she was talking to her daughter and she goes a few days later and she said, oh, I talked to the dating coach. And she goes, oh, the one who's exhausting. Folks, I unpack and I am a walking Card Dex. So I think, Courtney, that probably answers your question. Paul says, thank you for that. I appreciate it. And Paul says, thank you, Courtney, for your question. All right, if you have a question for me, write the word question and post the question after there or purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat with the little dollar sign there. Oh, T writes, did you move or did she move so happy for you? We, I actually, I used to live in the building right across the way over there, but I moved literally, I'd say a thousand feet and she moved 1800 miles. So we did move into a place together. And this is my loft, which is my office. Eventually I'm gonna put my studio behind me. And mostly because of lighting issues. I don't know how to do the lighting so it's with a digital camera yet. So to get that view that you, to get it properly set. Anyway, yes, we both moved. Thank you so much for that question. Okay, Ilska says, this is definitely a jam-packed session. Thank you so much. So do you have a question? Write the word question and post the question thereafter. Oh, here we go, Pamela writes. Question, what if a woman has all these traits and the man becomes a taker? Do you pull back or walk away? Well, let me ask you a simple question. Do you enjoy being with a man who's a taker? Do you enjoy it? Does it feel good to be with someone who takes from you? I'm a big proponent of the best relationships are with two givers, but more importantly, two people who can receive. Two people who can receive. It's not just about giving is do you have a capacity to receive? I gotta tell you something. A lot of men and women alike have a hard time receiving affection from another person. So listen, if you feel like beating your head up against the wall with a taker works for you, duck yourself out. I'm a big proponent of two givers, two receivers and not a giver and a taker. Great question there. Thank you so much. Barbara writes, question. Do you think actions speak louder than words? Mr. St. Paul just is so considerate and concerned and cares and dotes on me, but he isn't very verbal. But if I need help, he is there. You know, I'm a words of affirmation or adoration, I should say. So I do believe words are important. I will say this, some people's love language, I don't have the book out handy. Some people's love language is acts of service and for some men, words are very difficult for them. I'm always a big proponent and this is something my beloved and I do regularly is we do gratitude before we go to bed. We share what we're grateful for to each other. I usually say, you know, I start with three things I'm grateful for and I invite her to share those with me as well. By having that practice of attention, affection, appreciation, that gratitude as a multivitamin for relationship success. That was attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance. That's the multivitamin for relationship success. Appreciation is gratitude. Start with gratitude. Express three things you're grateful for about him and invite him to do the same. And when you do enough gratitude on a regular basis, I suspect you'll start feeling better about the relationship. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right. Corny Cobb says, what are some examples of teamwork building skills in relationship? Well, for example, I shared earlier, my girlfriend helped me build this desk, okay? I helped her in, what did I help her just today? Well, I mean, gosh, there's just, you know, it's right now I'm escaping me to specifics that it's helping each other in our lives. She helped me go shopping to kind of spruce up my wardrobe. I wanted to shift my look from the bachelor pad to more of the, by the way, if you saw our place, it's kind of more of a sophisticated New York kind of look for the beach environment. But I think it's just helping each other out in little things. It might be like the other day I was really busy and I need my girlfriend to go downstairs and get me a pad of paper because I didn't have one. And I used to just yell over the balcony and that's just a little teamwork building skills with each other. I think that should be rather obvious, but those are a couple that come to mind right off the bat, both in your personal and professional life. T says, that's great. Thank you so much. All right. By the way, how's that view right now? Is that awesome? Look at that sunset right now. Great time of year. All right. Kate writes, after dating a man for a month and a half, I find that there is some qualities in that person I don't like and there are some qualities in the person I don't like and ended it. Sometimes I'm happy with my position. Sometimes I regret it. All right. Kate, you didn't ask a question. This ladies, this is an example of what I continually say women have a tendency to do is you tell a story without a question. I don't mean to throw you under the bus, Kate. I wanna share with ladies. This is what drives men nuts. I'm telling you, this shit drives me nuts. The question is, well, let me look at this. I'm happy my decision, but sometimes I regret it. What can I do to overcome the regret? That might be a question to ask. At least that's a question. Overcome the regret? Stop thinking about it. Stop focusing on it. Put your energy, you made a decision, stick with it. Because second guessing yourself is an exercise in futility. So I wouldn't either accept your decision because maybe you were rationed your decision, maybe those things you couldn't accept were minor things, which tells me you need more personal development work because when we reject the little, look it, there's little things I do with my, listen, I've left the toilet seat up five times in the last two weeks. Is that something to break up over someone? For some of you, that might be. Oh my God, Jonathan, you're being inconsiderate. No, sometimes I pee and I forget. It's a human thing. Now, character flaws, being cruel to people, that might be a quality that's not acceptable, but if someone's late, my best, one of my dear friends is he's just an absent minded guy and he's constantly late. I still like doing things with him. I still love him dearly. And if he was my boy, if he was my girlfriend, I would accept him, okay? You just have to understand that there are going to be differences. So Kate, what's your question? This is speaking to all you ladies. If you're gonna write a question, write a question. All right, my apologies for throwing you under the bus. Thank you so much. Pamela says, thank you for your answer. I appreciate it. Oh, here is a follow up from Kate. I have a hard time getting past the early dating stage. Any tips on how to navigate through the early dating stages? You know, I love what Marianne Williamson says in her workshops. What do you do when you have aggravation in the early dating stages? Pray. I would pray. Listen. And I would find the fun, the humor, the curiosity. You know what? Thomas Edison, I believe the story goes like this. The story says that it took him 2,000 attempts to make a light bulb. Now someone asked him, you know, what was it like failing 2,000 times? He said, I didn't fail 2,000 times. He goes, I learned 1,999 ways not to make a light bulb. You can look at it from the negative. Okay, you could be ER. Does anyone remember Winnie the Pooh? There's E-OR and Tiggiter. Tiggiter, excuse me, Tiggiter. Bouncity, bouncy, bounce, bounce, bounce. Or, where was me? The sky is falling. This sucks. Look it. Took me five years to meet this beautiful creature in my life. I'm very grateful for her. Took me five years. Went on what seemed like 1,000 days. And yet, it was worth all of the effort. It was like working out to try to win the Olympics. And I missed the cut the first year. And I had to work four more years to get to the starting blocks, if you will. Folks, enjoy the ride. Because your spirit, this body you have is your one shot. Your spirit does this over and over again. But your body, this is your one shot. Enjoy the ride because what's the point of feeling frustrated? Think of it as you learn 1,999 ways not to make a life up. All right, thank you so much, Kate. Sky Blue says, that's good stuff. Thank you so much. Corny Cobb says, what have you? Now the lighting is too bright in here. All right, question. What books will help couples who got along very well before living together and still get along but are having a difficult time living together? Compromise turning a power struggle. You know what, you might want to check out this book. Making your second marriage a first class success. Let's go to the table of contents. This is great content. I don't think you can see that, that's great. Let me just show you the book. By the way, the link's below. Making your second marriage a first class success. I would recommend reading this book. I would also recommend reading nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Highly recommend checking this out. All right, let's see what we got here. Thank you for that question, Lexi. What do you make of a partner who never asks about your day, what you have been up to? Well, what do you guys talk about? I mean, first off, I am so tired of, how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. What do you guys talk about? What do you talk about? I mean, you start with your day, but what deep, I guess my question is, what do you guys talk about when you talk? Oh my God, my girlfriend, I go down so many fucking rabbit holes every single day. I mean, there's always something new that pops up because, folks, look it. You guys have seen this, you ladies have seen this before. I'm going to show it again. One of my favorite memes. I hate small talk. I want to talk about Adam's death, alien sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite scent, your childhood, what keeps you up at night? Your insecurity and fears. I like people with death who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't want to know how's your day going? Did you have a good day? Google, I hate small talk meme, quote, Google that, here, Google that. But then you're going to Google, type that in. All right, I hope that helps. All right, let's see. Bump, bump, bump. Link goes, question. Jonathan, I'm a chicken. How do I change that? Every time my dog walk or crush, walks towards me, my bench with his dog, I put my head down, pretend to drink my coffee or read my book. How, what's the antidote for that? That's a good question. You know, many of you know, I've talked about this movie by Shawshank Redemption. One of my favorite lines from that movie is get busy living or get busy dying. You know, courage, courage requires pushing beyond your comfort zone. You know, you're obviously thinking about this over and over again. Okay, so I'll tell you the story. In fact, I was reading my journal today of an entry I read back in 2005. I was at Ralph's grocery store in 2005. And this stunningly beautiful woman was walking near me. And I could have swore we locked eyes and I could have swore she smiled at me. And I didn't have the nerve to walk up to her. This was right after my divorce. So then every day at the same time I walked over the grocery store was right across from the leaf just to see if she was there. I did that for like on the same day, excuse me, I did this for weeks on the same dates or whatever it was a Tuesday or Wednesday, just with the hopes I'd see her. And then I gave up on it after a couple months. And a few months later I ran into her. And I immediately walked up to her and I said, look, I have to be candid with you. I, you know, a few months ago I saw you in here. I could have swore we locked eyes with each other. You know, did that, do you remember me or whatever? And she said, she didn't remember me. But it turns out she was just going through a nasty divorce. We ended up having an interesting chat. But I, you know what? Going outside of my comfort zone to courage. I mean, believe me, I was scared to death pissing my pants when I did see her. But it's sometimes I love the line from risky business. Sometimes you've just got to say, what the fuck? What the fuck? And that's what I did in that particular case. So anyway, I don't have any, I don't have a recipe for that. Google it and see if there's something out there. Liz, thank you so much for that question. All right, Pam writes, by the way, are there going to be any super stickers or super chats? Hit that dollar sign. Donate to the Connor Asley fund. I want to move him over here a little bit. Okay, question, why do men love bomb when they live far away, long distance relationship? Why does he, what does he want? Look at, I've loved, loved bombed a lot of women, long distance and short distance. Look at love, infatuation, when we feel like we've connected with someone is a very natural human emotion, men and women alike. It's a natural human emotion. Why do we do it? Because we're horny. Ladies, you've heard this narrative before. Men are hunters and they love the chase. Do we walk around going, what the hunt and chase is? I want a relationship. I want a relationship. I want a relationship. Are we hunting sex? Why do we do it? Because we're horny. We're horny. We're horny. I think that's an obvious question, but why do we do it? Because we think we might get laid. Don't share, okay, let's see what's going on here. Oh, here we go. Oh, here we go. How, Ellie, how do you remain positive and hopeful on your journey to your current love? You know, I shared earlier about gratitude. By the way, I apologize for my slurping. I shared about my gratitude. When my son passed away, I had reason to go down the rabbit hole of despair. I had reason to go down the rabbit hole of depression. I didn't choose that. I chose a different rabbit hole. I chose the rabbit hole of writing my book. While I'm sharing this with you, is when an individual truly finds that space within themselves to love themselves, then you're always hopeful. Because as a friend of mine once said, Dennis Cohen once said, love is a risk, and yet it's still the best game in town. When you genuinely love yourself and you, by the way, human beings who are spiritual beings recognize that there is no time clock to this. It happens exactly at the right time. It's supposed to happen. My beloved and I go, God, we wish it happened 20 years sooner. I would love to have 20 more years of sex together. But it happened when it was supposed to happen. And my hope is we have 20, 30 more years together, maybe 40 years, who knows. Still, compared to my son, that's a lifetime. So my point is, I have a reason to be depressed and to suffer. I chose not to suffer. So don't, if a little thing about your, listen, finding a life partner and losing a child, I'd say don't even compare to one another. Finding a life partner, that will happen if you're in the right frame of mind. But the frame of mind that can happen after losing a child to be in that space of not going down the rabbit hole of despair, that requires some deep inner work and that's my invitation for you. So thank you so much for that question, Ellie, I appreciate it. Holly says, I love the meme. I think you're talking about the I hate small talk meme. Claire, I just, Claire, I wanna give a shout out. You are such an amazing supporter. I just wanna give you a big, gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. And share my appreciation for you because I really appreciate all of the kind messages you leave for me. Thank you so much. Ellie, thank you so much for the $2 super sticker. I really appreciate it. Okay, beauty Aeon writes, question, question clarification. We talked about him and what he has been doing with without him ever wondering what I've been doing. We are struggling in a long distance relationship. Well, the problem with long distance relationships are successful relationships are built through emotional connection, economic agreement, social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends and intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. Ladies, these devices, these devices do not build, do not build, do not build a true bond with another person. If you wanna build a bond with a person, you gotta do shit together. My girlfriend and I now live together. I work from home, she's retired. We do shit together all day long. For some people that might be exhausting. We love it. But it is through the doing stuff together that you build the deep roots of trust. Can't do it over the phone. It's usually a cyber relationship unless there's a plan of taking the distance to close together. You just have a pen pal for right now. That's my impression anyway. And it depends on how far your distance is. So how, by the way, folks, listen, I have to get this off my chest. Our dating practice is backwards. Our current dating, our current dating marketplace is really dating as replaced hooking up because the reality is it used to be when two people liked each other, they got in a relationship, they got married very quickly. That was the olden days, okay? Now many of you know I've been watching some reality TV lately. I've been talking about a few, but what I find fascinating is the minute you put two people in an incubator and they spend anywhere from four to eight weeks together day in, day out, they actually can determine if they're a good fit for one another. So I'm here to say, I'm here to say, the dating is a long drawn out process and it usually fails because people aren't building the deep roots of trust. And trust isn't merely about fidelity. Trust is, can I count on this person to care about my feelings as much as my own? Does this person have my best interest at hand? That is gonna be incredibly difficult to build over the telephone. And this is why my long distance relationship literally within the first 30 days we had a plan of action, of how to shorten that distance and that all came to fruition within five months. So anyway, that's my two cents on that. So thank you so much, Beauty Aeon, I appreciate it. Liz says, thank you so much for taking my question seriously. I felt so silly asking your answer is amazing and profound. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. Pam says, you made me laugh Jonathan, pissing your pants. Okay. Janet, this is gonna be the last one for the evening. Question, are all affairs with married men destined for failures? He hasn't been intimate with his spouse for nine years and he's preparing to separate. No, not, I mean, okay, I could be blunt, not all affairs are all affairs with married men destined for failure. 99.9% of them are, but not all of them. Okay, look it, my question is how, listen, nine years, not buying, by the way, do you know how many men who are in a marriage right now, happily married or not happily married? Do you know how many marriages right now where the partners have been slept together five, 10, 15, 20 years? That number is probably 50% of marriages and above. That's right, 50% of a marriage is above that have been married over a decade. There's a big percentage of them that haven't slept together in years, okay? That's not enough. Now you say he's separated, preparing to separate. Wait till he's divorced and here's what happens. You're not gonna like this, but here's what happens with men. Oftentimes, the minute they get divorced, it's like the whole red sports car and go try out the bright, shiny penny. Most women who are having affairs with men, they get used, they get used. I'm sorry to say it, but that's the truth. All right, I'm sorry to give you that answer, Janet, but I'm gonna give you a big hug. I think this will be a great place to wrap up, everyone. Inga Baby 51, I'm loving the new setup. Thank you so much. By the way, do you like my new digs? I really, do you like the style of new digs? I really hope you do. All right, I think this will be a great play. Lexi says, if things go well, is your goal marriage? Absa fucking Lutely. I'd love to marry this woman. She is an amazing person and I could see that happening without a doubt in my mind. So, and for my friend Debra out there who thinks I'm nuts and she thinks I'm with Amber Heard, we'll see what happens. All right, thanks, Liz, for the super sticker. I really appreciate it. Folks, I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate you all. You have been so kind, so loving, so generous. I really appreciate all of you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for the support. Again, if you find value in this content, please hit that like button. Please share this with your friends. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. Post a comment below. Check out the links to a discovery call with me. Check out the description below for all the content that I have available for you. And I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. First off, I give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrick of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pat, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Barbara and Sherry for the $5 super sticker and Holly. Thank you so much. And Pam and Ellie and Lexi and Inga Baby and Jen and Sherry and Claudia and Paul earlier and Janet and Susan and Betty Aon and Art and Soul. Thank you and Claire, my dear sweetheart, Claire, big hugs to you. Thank you so much. All right, folks, we're gonna wrap up for the evening. You have a wonderful night. Take care, bye now.