 I didn't leave work today thinking I'd be the last one here at parking lots empty. I then noticed that our mower, our experimental robot, is aimlessly going around clipping grass and leaving marks everywhere. Not really a care in the world, not really a thought in the world, and it reminded me of Fast and Furious Presents Hobbs and Shaw. Truth be told, there's a lot of movies I go to see and don't even bother reviewing because I don't have a lot to say about them, especially a review where you kind of know what kind of movie you're going to get going in, so you don't need to rely on the thoughts of others to make you determine whether or not you want to go see it. I mean, when you have a movie titled Fast and the Furious Presents Hobbs and Shaw, you know it's going to be dumb, you know it's going to be full of explosions, you know it's going to be full of terrible dialogue, and it provides all of those things. I wanted something where I could go in, eat some Twizzlers, drink a Coke, and just think about nothing other than how does the rock do it all? How does he do it all? I'm a big Jason Statham fan. The guy doesn't seem to age ever. He's looked the same since I first saw him in Snatch, I think, which is a fantastic movie. I don't think he's made a movie even close to that today. Man, I'm hot too. If I look like I'm sweating, it's because I am. It's hot out, and I don't want to run the AC and ruin the audio that I'm sure is already stellar. But like I said, this Roomba Mower reminded me of the film, and I wanted to get something out there. So let's just talk about it briefly. This is a Jason Statham Dwayne Rock Johnson vehicle. You're going to see a lot of them. You get a good amount of Idris Elba, the villain of the picture. Idris Elba. I think Idris Elba. I don't know what it is. He's pretty awesome in it. He's a cool villain. Cooler than him, though, is his motorcycle he rides. That thing on command will fly over to him. He'll jump on it. He'll slide to it. It'll turn sideways, and then it'll pop back up. Vanessa Kirby, according to IMDB, is the female lead in this. She's fine. She's good looking. She does some cool stunt work. She has some good action scenes, and she provides a little eye candy for the guys out there, the straight guys out there that don't want to look at Dwayne and Statham the entire time. As the s'more meanders through the grass, like a Ronan, a samurai without a master, I think about the script of this film and how it just, you know, at one point they'll be in Paris. At another point they'll be in Chernobyl. I don't even know where they're all at. The font doesn't even know what it wants to be. At some points it's that slick, cool, Hobbs and Shaw, orangish, yellow font. At other times it's just white, fast, and nefarious font. It's like they had multiple editors and different teams working on this film, so they're just churning out whatever works. The computer-generated stuff is, for the most part, pretty sweet. There's a cool clip online, and it's obviously extended in a film where Hobbs and Shaw are in a race car driving along, and Idris's character takes a motorcycle through the side of a bus, and at another point he goes under the bus, and it's all done really well. I mean, it reminded me of G.I. Joe, the live-action G.I. Joe movies. You know, it's not real. It feels like a Saturday morning cartoon in the best way possible, and yeah, it's just a lot of fun. The dialogue is so dumb because this is PG-13. It could arguably be PG as far as I'm concerned. The way these guys speak to each other is like elementary slash middle school playground. No, not even middle school, because middle schoolers swear and stuff. These guys don't, so they're like, hey, you look about as tough as my shit does in the toilet, but they don't say shit, so it'd be like, hey, you look about as tough as my poop does in the toilet. They don't say that, but it's about as dumb as that is. Oh my God, the mower's right next to my car. I'm legitimately concerned for my life. It's become sentient. It does have some slick editing early on that I really appreciated, and it is never really done again, which is unfortunate, because the first like five to 10 minutes, we get to see the parallel split screen of Dwayne The Rock Johnson and Jason Statham's real life mornings. I guarantee this is like how they work out and how they eat and stuff, so I think they just had a camera crew follow them around, and then they made it into the Hobbs and Shaw montage. I wish that slick factor carried through the rest of the film, because they could have truly had something kind of special here. Instead, it falls very much into the later Fast and the Furious movies, just high octane explosions, nonsensical action. There's a scene where they have to daisy chain all these fast cars together, so there's these these brute guys just like throwing chains perfectly to hook onto the cars in front of them as they're going like 100 miles an hour, while the back rig is attached to a helicopter that's flying over the side of a mountain while the rock is hanging on top of it. It is just dumb beyond all dumb, but hugely entertaining, and that's what I wanted. End of the day, if you're looking for some fun PG-13 action, it's got you covered, and the movie does run at a good clip. There isn't a lot of slow moments because the acting here is nothing stellar at all, and there is enough like fun surprises. I was I was actually impressed with some of the the cameos they had in here. Overall, out of 10, I would give Hobbs and Shaw, I don't know, eight does its job. I think if they would have kept that slickness from the first 10 minutes moving on, we could have had something better, but as it stands, I could watch it again and just laugh at the nonsense, and yeah that would be it. Now if you excuse me, I need to head home. I am legitimately concerned for my life as this mower is barreling down on me at around four miles an hour. Take care.