 Why do narcissists leave but still contact you? The narcissist has left and they might have made it clear that they are not interested in being in the relationship with you anymore. But yet they still continue to contact you. The reason for this is because they need attention. They need you to take notice of them. They need you to regard them as something interesting or important. When they started devaluing you, that is when they had found another source of supply. Another person to attend to their needs. Narcissists have a dualistic mentality where a person is either all good or all bad. Once they have begun devaluing you, that is when they see you as being all bad. They might try to provoke a negative response from you to make them feel as though they are powerful or significant. But from this point on, it becomes very difficult for them to get you to admire or respect them. This is why they have to find another source of supply. Another person to attend to their needs. Someone who doesn't know what they are about. Someone who will admire and respect the false character that they are displaying to them. Although the narcissist has left and moved on with this new source, they will continue to contact you because no amount of attention is enough for them. They also cannot reveal anything negative to the new source of supply. Until they have groomed them, until that time they may continue to contact you. They will use any contact to emotionally abuse you. And they will portray this image or illusion as though they are so much happier with the new source. This is all designed to affect you emotionally. This is all designed to hurt you. Remember the narcissist feeds off of your emotional reactions. They provoke jealousy within you, which gives them an emotional response and gives them fuel. They are not contacting you because they care about you. They are not contacting you because they love you. All they care about is getting attention. All they care about is admiration and respect. When you realise that they are not worthy of your admiration and respect, that is when they will begin to devalue you even more. They will intentionally try to hurt you. It's still validating their false self because it makes them feel powerful. Making you feel out of control provides them with a sense of stability and security. In some situations they may act as though they care or as though they wish the best for you. But they really don't. They know that you just want them to treat you with the love and respect that you deserve. But once you figure them out, they can no longer even give you a false sense of what that feels like. Because just being in your presence is enough to trigger them to reflect on their insecurities. When you're confronting or questioning them, it's invalidating their false self and the image or illusion that they are trying to portray. They don't want to reflect on their insecurities. It's too painful for them to deal with. So instead, they choose to project their insecurities onto you. They assign their negative traits or characteristics onto you. This then regulates their emotions and boosts their self-esteem. They might also stay in contact with you as a backup. In case it doesn't work out with a new source, they can often re-idealize old sources of supply. But again, this doesn't mean that they care about you. This doesn't mean that they love you. All they care about is themselves. All they care about is fulfilling their own needs. Everything they do is for narcissistic supply. It's not about you. It never was. They just made you believe that it was. Because they knew that that was the only way that they could keep you around. The narcissist might continue to contact you and keep you holding on to your feelings of hope that maybe they might come back or maybe they will change. But they will never change. And even if they do come back, it's only because they have re-idealized you and then they're just going to use you for your energy and resources all over again to fulfill their own needs. They do not care about you. They are not interested in helping or supporting you. And they are not going to be there to comfort you. Remember those painful emotions around from you being around them. They were the cause of those emotions. If you are continuing to stay in contact with them, that means that it's created a trauma bond which is the result of an ongoing cycle with the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment has created a powerful emotional bond between you and them. If you want to remove this trauma bond, you need to let go of any hope that they are going to change. Feel your emotions. Understand that the narcissist was not the person that you thought they were. Learn to grieve. Let go of the fantasy, the illusion. Set boundaries. Identify what is okay and what is not okay for you. And most importantly of all, cut contact with the narcissist. They are not going to change. They mind future fake and keep you hoping and respecting, expecting your desired result. But this is only to keep you around so they can extract more of your time and attention, more of your energy and resources. They are not going to change. And the more time that you spend in contact with them, the more pain and distress it is going to cause you. The more difficult it will be to let go. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonated with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. Click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos. If you would like to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries can email me at nagsforvertcoaching.com. Check out the emerged dice in the Nags Forever store where you can purchase your own Nags Forever t-shirt, tank top or mug. The link is in the video description. Thank you for watching. I'll talk to you soon.