 Welcome to Relationship Wednesday. Relationship Wednesday is where my main focus is helping you with relationship questions. These can be questions about when you're going to meet someone or why is my partner doing what they're doing? Relationships are really just, there's so many moving parts in a relationship. Whether they're your parts, your partner's parts or just family and friends interfering in your relationship. They're all out there and they're all happening and they're all moving and it makes it very difficult sometimes to navigate and know what's real and what's not. Where is this going? Where isn't it going? So I wanted to start a little short series called Relationship Wednesdays, where you could bring in your questions about relationships and hopefully get some good answers. So before I take callers, and I am taking callers today, I wanna say hi to everybody watching on YouTube Live and commenting, hey Vaughn, hey John, it's wonderful to see you. Or yeah, your post, thank you. Good afternoon, Johnny Bucket. It's Johnny Bucket, hey John. So one thing that sometimes before a show starts, I will start getting downloads and there is a lot of downloads today in different areas about relationships. So the downloads I'm getting today are going from A to Z in the area of relationships and I don't wanna spend the whole show talking about what I'm getting, but the main, and I don't love this subject. I even tell people I don't do cheating readings. Don't come to me if you wanna know if your partner is cheating. How you're a private investigator, your money will be much better spent. However, they're starting with the whole cheating thing Now before I go into this, I'm going to go into, I do have a show that I do every single Monday and that show airs at, not at nine, eight, at noon. At noon and on that show, it's, you can connect with loved ones, ask any questions that you wanna ask. You know what? It's so weird because I can't even focus on what I wanna say because somebody really wants to get this cheating message out from the other side. And I don't like going into this energy, but apparently until I do, this is it. So what I'm going to say, I'm going to say this as delicately as possible. Okay, so if you're in a situation where there, and there is no judgment on my part, I don't, whatever you do in your private life is what you do in your private life. If you're in a situation where there are two people that you are trying to decide between, and again, this isn't my personal information, information from above, let them both go. Just let them both go. And this might be for one specific person or a couple of people listening. If you can't decide between two people, that might mean that neither of them are a good fit for you. I think that when you meet somebody and you want to be with that person, nobody else is gonna take your attention away from that person. That's my personal belief. I know other people have different beliefs and if you have a different belief system, God bless ya, or whatever bless ya, that's your belief system. I just have personally experienced and from everyone that I have communicated with in my office and in my family life and everything. When that person comes in, you're really not looking for anybody else. And even if somebody comes and taps you on the shoulder and says, hey, you're not interested because you found what you're looking for. So if you're trying to figure out between two people right now, let them both go. And again, this might be for one specific person. If this isn't for you, it's not for you. That's okay if it's not for you. If you have two people and you're happy with two people, do your thing. Put your dangling wherever you wanna put your dangling, do your thing, okay? Or your gina, whatever you wanna let in your gina, let it in if that's where you're happy. But if you're looking for something more serious and this is the one sort of thing, I'm gonna say the one is not part of a duo because you wouldn't need the other person unless you have a really big ego and you're feeding your ego instead of your spirit, you wouldn't need two, three, four or five people. Okay, having said that, one more thing on cheating. God, I just don't like being in the, I don't even like being in the energy of talking about cheating because it's such a seedy like, puky, I need to take a shower afterward thing. I cannot stand being in the energy of talking about cheating, talking about any of this stuff. But they wanna give one more message for somebody who might be listening, re-listening, watching. Cover it up. Jesus, Jesus Moses and Mary, come on now. Okay, if you are out there having casual encounters and again, no judgment, we are who we are, we do what we do, hey, get through your night, get through your day, do what you gotta do. But if you are doing that, understand why you're doing it. This is, again, this might be for one specific person or a couple of people, but I'm getting the energy that there's somebody who's having some casual, very casual encounters. They feel like maybe every time that they do this, like, see, they're validating themselves in some way or they're, yeah, they're validating themselves. Like they're saying, oh, see, somebody wants me, so I'm, whatever. Oh, sweetie, sweetie, unless you're a hooker, a prostitute, it is not a compliment if a man just wants you for your vagina. If you're a hooker, it's your job, find great, love it. Want me for my vagina, that's my job, pay me. Not me, not me. Not, I'm not a hooker, that is not my side hustle. I'm just saying in general, oh, fudge sickles. That is not the way to validate yourself. When somebody wants you for your mind, when they actually wanna have conversations with you, whether you're male or female, when they actually wanna have conversations with you, when they wanna look in your eyes and know what's in the depths of your soul, when they wanna keep their penis in their pants until the next time they see you, when they wanna let go of all the other contacts in their phone because they've met you, that's validation. Anything else? Easy peasy. I mean, I'm just saying in today's world, it's really easy for people to drop them drawers and swing their ding-a-lings, just saying, be with somebody who has more respect for themself and more respect for you than that. And again, there's no judgment on this. I'm not calling judgment on anyone. I'm saying if this is what you're looking for, don't settle for less. Don't, and even if it takes a minute before it gets there, if you need to be touched, get a massage. Go pay for a massage. If you need a hug, go see a friend, but don't compromise what you really want for something that is gonna make you feel more hollow or empty a day later or that night, okay? Again, no judgment. You do you, and that's a really good way not to run around and be with a bunch of hollow people. Just do you. There's nothing wrong with you doing you. Okay, gosh, I hope that is everything I need to talk about with cheating because I do not like talking about cheating or people who run around or any of that stuff. That's not my thing. But let's go to the very first caller, and hey, everybody on YouTube watching live, if you have a question you would like to post that question, I'm going to go to the very first caller. The very first caller is 310. Hey, 310, how are you today? What's your name? Where are you calling from? Okay, what's your relationship question for the day? Well, I just started dating somebody what you might be picking up on that. Okay, what's up? Where are you calling? What's the person's first name? Brian. Brian, okay. Okay, the first thing I hear is six months. So since you just started dating this person, I feel like that around the six month mark, this has, you're going to know exactly where this is going right around the six month mark. Now that I'm going to tell you three months from now, which puts us in December, January, February, January, wait, we're in December, January, February, March, puts us in March. I think you're going to question this connection. Okay, don't do the jump, jump and ship thing in March. Between now and March, pay very close attention to everything going on in this relationship. And in March, or along the way, don't wait until March. Don't have a big list of things that you need to discuss in March. But in March, the two, yeah, okay. I feel like in March, there's going to be a discussion. Okay, between now and March, pay attention to everything going on and not necessarily in a way where you're looking for things that can go wrong, however, in a way that allows you to see it clearly, like, okay, is this something they do all the time? Is this something that I can handle? But in March, there's going to be a discussion about I feel like the discussion is almost a next step discussion. This might be a little bit soon for the next step that the person is discussing. So it might be a discussion of like, how do you feel about us living together? Great in a year or great in six months, not right now. I feel like you have to be very aware of what it is that you want from this relationship and you have to be able to state that. Don't be afraid if you say, hey, look, that's a little bit soon for me or that's a little bit too much right now for me that this person is going to run. If they're running, then they were just like, only looking for maybe that aspect and that's not them, that's not your person then. Not that there's only one person, but that's not your next person. I do feel like wherever this relationship goes, it's up to you, okay? Now, here's one thing I wanna say to you and all my beautiful women listening. And men, the same thing goes for you. Show up as who you want to be at the end of the day in this relationship. Show up as a queen, show up as that woman. Like in the beginning of dating, we don't always show up and show out, if you know what I mean. We kind of sit back and we can be whatever. No, show up strong and don't waver on your lines. I hope that makes sense to you. Like don't concede a little bit because even if we concede in the beginning, they know they can push those lines a little bit. They know they have rude person is you need to show up and stay shown up, show up, show up. You need to show up and stay there. So one thing that I know about successful relationships and women who have very successful good men, they don't concede. They don't go, oh, well, okay. They're like, uh-uh, that's not gonna work. No. And the one thing I know about men who are successful and want successful relationships, they show up and they're trying to invest in the woman. They're trying to impress that woman. And that should not stop just because a certain amount of time has gone by. If they are looking at you long-term, future, wifey up, live together up material, they're not going to stop that. Now that doesn't mean show up and buying presents and trying to buy love. There's a lot of different ways that men can show up and impress women and invest in them. Time is huge. Investing time is huge. So I always say, if a man respects you as much as he'll respect his mother, he's a good man and he has honorable intentions. If he's treating you the way he would want a man to treat his mother, he's serious about you, okay? That's one thing I always say. Now in three months, there's gonna be a conversation between the two of you. And in six months, you're gonna decide where you want this to go. Now that doesn't mean you're gonna break up or have that thinking, should I break up or not. It might mean taking that next best step at that six-month mark, which puts us right around June. I do feel like this relationship could move really fast if you let it. You know what? I think when we move too quickly, we could miss things. I don't think you have to go super slow in this situation. I do feel like you do wanna pay attention to a couple of things. And when we call someone on something, we don't have to do it like we're scolding them because we're partners. Do it like a coworker situation and not in a scolding way, hey, did you notice ABC? I always say when you're having a conversation with a partner, take out the words I, you and me and put in we and us. We should work on our communication skills if we want to build something instead of, you didn't call me back, you didn't text me back, you this, you know, I need, I said, we need. If we're going, we need. That's always really important. And I think this has good potential. This has good potential as long as you don't, and I feel like I do feel like in a month, he's gonna push those boundaries on you. He's gonna try to push your boundaries back a little bit. Something you're like, I don't know if I'm ready for that. He's gonna, he is going to try to, I don't know why I'm hearing it this way. I don't know if I wanna know. He's gonna try to slide something in and push those boundaries a little bit in about a month. You know what, go at your pace. At the end of the day, you wake up with you, you go to sleep with you, you do you. You do it the way you wanna do it, okay? Thank you so much for calling in. Yeah, perfect. Thank you. I hope this was really helpful for you. Thank you so much. Oh, you're so welcome. You are so welcome. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm gonna go directly to the next caller who is 678, 678, how are you doing? And while we're waiting, I'm gonna say, hey to Jennifer, how are you? Okay, 678, what's your name? Where are you calling from? Hello, 678, hello? Okay, 678, I can barely hear you if you can do me a favor and call back in. I think there might be a bad connection. I'm gonna go to 519. Hey, 519, how are you today? Excellent, thank you so much for calling in. How can I help you? Well, it's more about my relationship with my mother than it is a romantic relationship, you know, the daughter-mother relationship. Yeah, that can be difficult, right? So, how can I help with that today? What's your question? I just wanna like go okay. I haven't, you know, go years without dating or sometimes. But she kept looking at me like me for some reason, but I don't respond so well to looks because I don't tend to look beneath that sort of thing. That if you want something, use your words, but do you feel like it was forgiveness she's looking for? I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you. I'm not laughing at you. I guess. So, okay, so what I'm gonna say to you, I don't, let me take a moment. What's your mom's first name, love? Okay, the feeling I get is she, I think a couple of things are coming into my mind. A little bit of admiration. She might've been looking at you with a little bit of admiration, looking at your life in comparison to her life and not in that jealous way, but in that way of, wow, if she could have done it this way. Wow, if she had the advantages that you have. But the other way too, when you look at someone and you don't speak, typically it's, I'm saying typically, it is something to do with either there is, there's something you wanna say that you can't say because you're not sure how it will be received, or again, just this look of admiration or love that was coming through. And I get the admiration and love a lot more than this being afraid to speak sort of thing. I think sometimes I have a sister that is, when she speaks, she speaks in a way that is a little more black and white, cut and dry. So I've had to learn that when I'm listening to her, she's a very literal person. And it doesn't take a lot of time to fluff up her words or try to say it in a way that would be more compassionate at all. But I think sometimes that, like I won't say things to her just because I know her response will be a little bit shorter if I can, I think with your mom, the way your mom communicates and the way you communicate might be the opposite way. And I think in your mom's time here, she is starting to understand things differently, which is, we learn, we grow, we grow, we learn. And I think she was looking at you with admiration, but again, there is this part of you that can be a little bit, not as soft when you communicate, not as delicate when you communicate. And so if she did wanna start that type of conversation with you, she might not know how well it would be received or where that conversation would go. And my mom passed in February and we didn't always have the strongest relationship. If I would say, I love you to my mom, she would just look at me and not respond. And not surprising, I ended up with a boyfriend like that, but we're healing, so we meet people that help us heal. But I think that she, in my mom's case, I think she was afraid to respond because it had been like a while since she had expressed those feelings or maybe it's just because she was a Scorpio, I don't know, I'm not gonna try to guess. What I do wish is regardless of how she responded at this point in the game, her being gone since February, I do wish I would have not worried so much about that and spent a lot more time with her and taking care of her. And not worrying about my feelings in the situation, not worrying about what that meant for me or whatever it was. In any case, for you and your mom, the message that I'm getting, and it's a tough message in a way, let your guard down and treat her like your daughter. Because when you take the title mother and all the expectation that you had of her being a mother and you turn her title into daughter, you can perceive her in a completely different way in a childlike way, understand everything she's gone through, all the damage, all the pain. And you have a little bit more compassion and you want to nurture her more in that way. So take the title of mother off of her and put the title of daughter on her and allow yourself to be vulnerable with her because when we're at this point in the game and the age that we're at, let's face it, even if you're 20, depending on the age of your parents, and I do have a client that is in her early 20s that lost her father and it's devastating when you're younger, because emotionally you don't always know how to cope with that, but when we're at the age we are and we lose our parents, it can be devastating. So if you take the time to kind of roll reverse with her and you don't have to tell her, please don't tell her, you're thinking of her as your daughter so you can be more compassionate to her, but please don't do that, it will not be well received at all, she will be in a place, you will be in a place where you can open up more and as you do, she will and that might be something that for whatever time the two of you have together, whether it's a year or 10 years or 20 years, it'll be a completely different relationship, it'll be more of that friend and bonding and that compassion that you show her will actually change you more than it will change her, is what I'm getting from who I think is a grandmother on the other side for you. So please do with that what you want, but that is what I'm getting for you, I hope this was helpful. Thank you very much, that makes sense. You're so welcome and I honestly wish I would have had that advice when my mom was still here because it would have changed our dynamics dramatically, but when we've been in relationships for our whole life with someone, we kind of get our opinions and we're afraid to change our opinion, we're really nervous to change our mind on something or let our guard down or those walls down, but if you can do that, especially over this holiday season, you might be really surprised at what comes in next for the two of you. Thank you. Thank you, I appreciate it. Oh, you're so welcome and thank you so much for coming in. I'm really grateful for that. I wanna thank everybody who has called in, everybody who joined me on YouTube Live, I'm going to be back Monday.