 You know, that would be kind of interesting, as an aspect of immortality, as you would get to taste the changes in coffee over the millennia. Everything else sounds like it sucks, though. Ooh! That's a hot mug, guys! Hey guys, this is my review for the Old Guard. Very boring version of Six Underground, essentially. I make the comparison because they actually have very similar sort of ideas. Elite unknown group of super soldiers are people who bring peace to the world. Who take on a new pledge-link, fight against a association that knows about their existence, all the while explaining their history and kind of explaining why they do what they do, and... It's Underground Six, but it's boring! It's so boring! This movie's two hours long. It's got some decent performances, especially from Charlize Theron and from the girl who plays the new immortal. But it also has some really odd casting choices. Dudley, Dursley as the villain. Why? It's like some weird, evil British Mark Zuckerberg. He doesn't have anything to him except that, I'll make money off of you. The film has a cool concept, and there are little moments of interest in the film. Talking about the curse of immortality, the fact that you can't die unless it's time, which that isn't explained really either. It's supposed to be this whole mythical idea, but it's talked on so fleetingly that it's like they couldn't give you a good answer for it, so they're gonna try and make it mysterious, but in the end they just leave it open-ended and they don't really talk about it at all. But there are these little cool moments in the film, like for instance, what would happen if you were trapped in something that you couldn't escape but you would just keep dying over and over again? That's a cool idea. There's two guys who are immortal, but they're also lovers, and there's this one line about bigotry that just was so good. It's this little monologue in the middle of the film, and it doesn't feel like it deserves to be in the movie because it's such a good part. There's these little intriguing elements of the film that talk about just the literal curse of immortality, but then it kind of turns into a blade movie. You know how blade always has him taking on vampires, when there's this secret society off in the background and they capture him and they try to figure out what makes him what he is, and then they break out and then they fight the bad guy at the end of the movie. That's essentially what this movie is. It's the same story, and it doesn't help that it's also shot as flat as color-wise can be. The direction is trying to do like a cheap version of John Wick. You can see that there's a lot of good choreography in the film, but the problem is there's so much of this fast-cutting bullshit. And then on top of that, on top of that, you have the most bizarre soundtrack choices. I don't understand the soundtrack choice in this film at all. Every time a song would appear during a fight scene, it pulled me out of the movie because I was like, okay, I'm about to watch a music video. It gets really high vocal. You hear the singer more than the music itself to give you an example of a song with the lyrics in it that does work well. I'm going to mention John Wick when he goes into the bath house and you have Think by Caladia playing in the background. It works so well because of the singer's tone, the music, the inflection. It's not the focus. It's just in the background. But the music comes in so obnoxiously blaring in every scene that it appears in that it just, it's a massive deviation from attention. And it's kind of strange how obnoxious the music is when it's placed because everything else about this movie is so middling. It seems like half-efforts. It doesn't feel like it's really doing all it can do. The use of blood is also a strange, strange aspect in this film. This is a perfect example of a 14A film. Now, for those of you who aren't Canadian, it's essentially RPG13 slash R. We don't have an R rating. We have 14A, unless there's a lot of titties in it, then it's 18A. But you can have a shit ton of swearing and a shit ton of blood in your movie before it actually eventually gets up to 18A. This film is a very, very hard PG13, I guess you would say. There's blood in it, but for some reason blood likes to choose when it appears. For instance, every single shot in this movie is a CG squid. There's scenes where we'll see people with blood on the floor after they've been shot, but then there also is a lot of times where there isn't blood on the floor. And that's kind of how inconsistent this movie is. It never really finds its place. It never really finds its direction. It never tries to do anything that is, I would almost say, risky or off the norm. The Old Guard, don't get me wrong, is a cool premise. And there are a few scenes in particular that I really enjoyed. But for a two hour long film that felt like three and it's an action movie, it just doesn't do a good job in terms of displaying its story, introducing us to its characters, and really giving us something entertaining to watch. Then in the end, I'm going to give the Old Guard a two out of seven. I was so bored watching this film. I had to pause it and take a break several times because I just... I also didn't probably help that I watched Girl of the Tracking Tattoo just before this, so that might be a reason as to why. Anyways, guys, I hope you enjoyed this review. If you did, leave a like, and if you're interested in more, subscribe. Otherwise, see you guys next time. Thanks for watching the video. My name is Knitz, and you might remember me from the animated cult classic TV show, Undergrads. It's been a while, but I'm happy to say the click is finally getting back together in an all-new movie, thanks to a successful Kickstarter campaign. But we are still asking for your support. To see any and all updates about the upcoming Undergrads movie, be sure to check out and like the Bring Back Undergrads Facebook page. And with any luck, we'll see you guys soon.