 The Craft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as The Great Gilder Sleeves. This is brought to you partially transcribed by The Craft Foods Company. Craft, makers of the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. We say one and only because there just isn't any other salad dressing like Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip is different, and it tastes different. Miracle Whip tastes so good it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created. More Miracle Whip is sold on the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Try it. Make your salads better tasting with a one and only Miracle Whip. I guess there aren't many people who get more out of life than The Great Gilder Sleeve. Today, for instance, he left the water department a little early and walked home in the brisk autumn air, working up a healthy appetite so he could enjoy a hearty dinner. And did he enjoy it? You bet. Yes, indeed. That was a fine steak, Bertie. Thank you, sir. Nothing like a good porterhouse. No, sir. And the vegetables were perfect, too, Bertie. Yes, sir. And Bertie? Yes, sir. If there's any of that dessert left, hide it from Leroy. I'll be ready to take it on about midnight. What's this, Leroy? I'd like to take it on about 9.30. Oh, well. Bertie, give it to Leroy. Yes, sir. He's a growing boy. I'll split it with you. I'm growing up and you're growing sideways. Well, what the heck? I can still make the pretty girls turn their heads when I pass. Which way do they turn them? Oh, my boy. Any mail today, Bertie? Yes, sir. If there's any steady on your desk. Oh, fine. I guess I'll light a cigar and go see who's been writing to me. See you later, Leroy. Okay. Buying these better cigars. There would have gotten onto them if the city treasurer hadn't had a new baby. Why, George, what a lot of mail. First of the month. And I thought they were friendly. You know, let's see. Gas bill. Telephone bill. Hogan brothers. Dentist. Water bill. I'll pay that first and set a good example for my customers. Here's what's this. Meat bill. Can't be that high. Is this the grocery bill or the national debt? Costs more to live every month. You'll just leave you can't go on like this. You have to call a halt. Cut back. They wouldn't yell when I just got in a headache. Here's my bill from the pharmacy. Let's see what PB has written on it. The month of September has come and gone. Please don't let your bill linger on. Oh, my goodness. That is not funny. Paper boys at the door. Oh. $1.50. All right. Here. No tip for the kid. Oh, yes. Here. Here's a dime. No tip for the kid who's giving the kid the tip. Okay. Well, where I try to pay these, I better see what they add up. Oh, yes, Bertie. The boy with the bill at the front door just reminded me. Oh, what, Bertie? Yeah, the back door bills, laundry, milkman, eggman. Back door bills, front door, back door. I'm surrounded. Yes. One of the not coming down the chimney. They do it Christmas. Yes, yes. Bertie, we're living beyond our means and it has to stop. That's the stop. We're right now. Today. First of the month. Yes. Now take that dinner we had tonight. Yes, sir. A big expensive porterhouse steak with all the trimmings. Yes. Bertie, who gave you the idea we could live like this? You did. Me? Mr. Gilsey, you called from the office this morning and said, Bertie, let's have porterhouse steak and all the trimmings. Oh, yes. Well. That's where I got the idea. You called from the office and said porterhouse steak and all the trimmings. Yeah, but Bertie. Mr. Gilsey, did you know where I got the idea? Yes. Well, maybe I did. But I'm going to take all the ramp. Leroy. Yes. Step into the study, young man. What's up? Everything's up. Sky high. And we're going to do something about it. Look at this pile of bills. Gosh. What are you doing all year saving them? Leroy, this represents what we spent in one month. We? How do I get them there? Through Hogan Brothers shoe department. Oh. You knew shoes and fall suit and school supplies. We have to start saving. Okay. I'll start right now. I'll quit school. That isn't the idea. You just have to watch it. Living costs are in all time high. You have to stop throwing money around. Who's throwing it around? We are. We're going to pull in our horns. We're going to spend less. I'm going to set the example for the family. Good. Do you know what's happened to the dollar in the past 20 years? It's not worth half as much. Yeah? Now what do you propose to do about the situation? Well, I guess there's only one thing to do. Yes, my boy. Ask you to double my allowance. Oh, my goodness. Feel good to take a firm stand on something. And give us leave you're going to stand like a rock against the wave of high prices. High taxes and inflation. You may start a trend. Turn the tide. All of your friends will be proud of you. All right, George, I'll start cutting down now by buying some cheap cigars from Peavey. Mr. Governor's leave? What can I do for you this morning? Peavey, you're going to be proud of me. You don't say. Yes, indeed. I'm going to start it right off by buying some cheap cigars from you. Mr. Governor's leave, if you want me to be proud of you, I'm going to spend some money. Peavey's spending money is exactly what I'm campaigning against. Is that so? Yes. I, for one, am going to live within my budget. Can you call that living? Well, let's come around to it, Peavey. If we don't, there's going to be a rude awakening. Well, Mrs. Peavey and I have discussed that from time to time. The trouble with us, Peavey, we buy a lot of things we can't afford. We Americans live higher than anybody else in the world. Well, anybody who owes as much as we do has to keep up with parents, eh? All right, Peavey. Go along with the crowd. Follow the Pied Piper. Say, here comes the judge. Greetings, gentlemen. Oh, hello, John. Hello, Horace. Yeah, there. I'm glad you're here. Let's draw straws to see who buys the sodas. Don't you good suggestion? Judge, I don't want a soda. Then let's draw straws to see who buys me one. Mr. Gildersleeve isn't in a buying mood. Oh? No, sir. I'm retrenching. And I advise you fellas to do the same. Oh, you're right. You realize we're in debt up to our ears? Living on the installment plan? You know, take the judge here, for instance. Oh? You're living too high. Look at your chartreuse convertible outside with all the extras on it. Now, Gildy, that convertible is a little indulgence that I allowed myself. Well, you shouldn't have done it. Yeah, and look at that hand-painted tie you're wearing. It's a needless extravagance. Besides, it looks horrible. Gildy, you gave me this tie for Christmas. A tie? Are you? It's not expensive either, because you gave me one too, 9810. Well, I was saving money even then. You fellas are living in a fool's paradise. Gildy, don't call me a fool. I didn't mean it that way, fellas. I just feel sorry for you. Gildy, you're throwing your money away. Will it really? You're just a couple of grasshoppers, and I'm an industrious ant. Wish he was an ant. I'd sweep him right out the door. Well, I'm not going to stand here and be called a grasshopper. Judge, you just can't take a suggestion. Now, look at me. You know how I like good cigars, but I just ordered some cheaper ones. Yeah, I'd better get those so you can be on your way. Wait a minute, Pee-Dee. I'll save more money. I'll give up cigars and cancel the order. Very well. Tight word. Come to think of it, my bill here was too high last month, Pee-Dee. Cancel my charge account. Very well. Super tight word. I agree. Fellas, you may not appreciate my crusade now, but someday you'll respect me. No, I wouldn't say that. Wonderful birdie. By the way, in the future, don't call Pee-Dee's drugstore and charge anything. No, sir. You on-house with it? Oh, no. No, I just canceled my charge account. Yes. Pee-Dee got a little miffed and so did Judge Hooker. But I gave both of them a fine lesson in the economy. Yes, sir. Now, how about dinner, Brady? Are we having an economical dinner? Yes, sir. Fine. It was on the menu. Well, you know that round bone roast we've been saving? Birdie, we had steak last night. We can't have a roast tonight. Oh, we ain't having a roast. We just haven't a bone. I suppose I can expect people to make light of a big movement such as I'm starting. I don't care. So long as I keep a firm grip on the purse strings. Right, George, I'd make a good secretary of the Treasury. I have a good notion to wire both parties and let them know I'm available. Hi, Aunt. Well, hello, Leroy. How did you do today, my boy? What do you mean? With your money, of course. Do you save anything today? Do you practice what I'm preaching? Well, gosh, Aunt, I did up until 4.30. Oh? And then I met a thirsty girl in front of a soda fountain. You did? Yeah. Babs. My boy, you should never let a girl maneuver you into a vulnerable position. What do you mean? I mean where you have to spend money on it. Well, sometimes a guy can't help us. Yes, he can. You don't find your cagey old uncle trapped into these situations. Ah! What about all the money you spend taking Mrs. Winfield out? I control that. As a matter of fact, I had a date to take her to the football game tomorrow evening. But instead, I'm letting her brother take it. Yeah? I'm putting myself on a budget with Paula, too, my boy. And I may not take her out again until Halloween. Yes, I gotta see. Well, I've given up cigars. I can give up Paula. Aunt! I'm right here, Bertie. Come in. But just a moment. Hello, then, Roy. Hi. You used a delightful surprise, Paula. So, you like this? Well, it's about tomorrow's game. Tomorrow's game? Mm-hmm. This is a little unconventional, I suppose, but my brother's been called out of town and I wonder if you'd still care to take me. Me? Thank you. That's what she said! Well, of course we shouldn't let those tickets go to waste. Oh, well, Romsen left in such a hurry. He forgot to leave the tickets. But I'm sure we can still get good seats at a slight premium. Well, if we can't get good seats, which I doubt, we can always read the results in the newspaper. You're joking, of course. Yeah, joking. Yeah, I'll get the tickets, Paula. Delighted to take you. Oh, and after the game, there's a dance at the crystal room. In the past, Romsen has always taken me, but we don't have to do that. Well, if you're in the habit of going, unless you'd rather not. Oh, I'd love it! We don't have a table, but Pierre is very helpful if you tip generously. Oh, yes. Yeah, I'll get the table at the crystal room. Oh, you're sweet to take me throughout Morton. Not at all. It's a pleasure. Well, I must go now. Always throughout Morton. Yes? You needn't buy me a corsage. Just a chrysanthemum for the game will do. Oh, yes. A mom for the game. See you tomorrow. Bye. Goodbye, Paula. Money on girls, huh? Now, Leroy. I'll get the tickets, Paula. Leroy. I'll get the table at the crystal room. Can you think funny about that? This is known all over town. One eye is blue, the other is brown. Her features are plain, but honest and true. Her hair's kind as shaggy. She's not well to do. But Lou's as well loved as the fanciest girl. She's cherished and prized by a rich handsome Earl. Now girls, if you care, here's Lou's personal tip. When you're a man with a salad made with miracle whip. That's poetry. Leroy. Well, seriously, folks. You have no idea how tempting salads can be, how good they can taste, till you've enjoyed salads made with miracle whip salad dressing. Miracle whip has a wonderful flavor, a peppy flavor that's just sharp enough. It's delicious, and it's a different flavor, one no other salad dressing has. That's because miracle whip is made from a secret craft recipe to give you the very best qualities of old-fashioned boiled dressing and fine rich mayonnaise. And miracle whip is blended carefully, thoroughly, with special craft beaters to give it just the smooth, creamy thick texture you want. Try it. So many folks like miracle whip so much, it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created, and it actually outsells the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. We're sure you'll like it too. Get a jar tomorrow for the best salad you ever tasted. Get the one and only miracle whip. Well, the great Gildesley was sailing blithely along on the good ship economy until he heard the siren call of Mermaid Paula Winthrop. Naturally, he had a wreath. You should have seen Aunt Birdie. He was putty in her hands. How about that? No, Birdie. When an attractive young lady practically asked for a date, what's the poor man going to do? He'd be a richer man if he said no. Yes, yes. Birdie said he might not see her till Halloween. He wasn't going to take her to the game. Oh, no. He was going to let her brother do it. Birdie, you know what I got for an uncle? A jellyfish. I'll see you here, young man. I just may not take her to the game. How are you going to get out of it? Well, when I called, the only seats left were in the end zone. It'd be an insult to put a pretty girl like Paula behind a goal post. Hey, you sneaked out of it. I wonder how you're going to get out and take her to the crystal room. Birdie, if we don't go to the football game, it's a silly thing to go to the football dance. What a brain! That's not brains. That's just me. I mean... When I say I'm going to save money, I do it. Why should I follow the crowd? I set out to crusade, and I'm going to crusade. Yeah, but what does she say when you're back out on your date? I'm not backing out. I just don't intend to spend a fortune, that's all. People have forgotten the days when they could have a big evening on a dollar. Yeah? What could a couple of grown people do on a dollar? Well, there are plenty of ways to have an inexpensive date. Sit in the parlor and hold hands? No, Leroy. Birdie remembers on a dollar went a long way, don't you, Birdie? Mr. Gilsleeve, I ain't that old! Well, this evening I'm going to prove it can be done. I'm going to take Paula out with only one dollar in my pocket. Are you kidding? No, I'm not. And I may not even need that. There's a band concert in the park tonight. Free. Oh, brother! I'm going to suggest the concert to Paula. We'll go back to the simplicity of yesteryear, Birdie. Yes, sir. And if I know Paula, she'll be intrigued. And if I know her, you'll be in Dutch. There's only a dollar in my wallet. No bulges. Makes the coat drape nicely. Silly to take a satchel full of money when you have a date. Of course, I won't tell Paula I only have a dollar. After I cancel the football game and the dinner dance, she might get the wrong impression and think I'm cheap. But I'm not cheap. I'm patriotic. And I may be doing the country a great service. Showing couples how they can have a date on a dollar. Say, why don't I give this idea to the newspapers? Along with my picture. Well, hello, Paula. Hello, Scott Morton. I'm ready. Here's what I see. Nice. Will you come in? No, I think we'd better be on our way. Big evening, you know. Oh, I'm so excited. I can hardly wait to know what we're going to do. Well, Paula, today it occurred to me that in this modern world of ours, we're passing by the real fun of life. Oh. Think what good times they had back around the turn of the century. Oh, I've always loved the gay 90s. Must have been a fabulous era. That's exactly what I was coming to. That's the way we're going to spend the evening. Oh, how exciting. I knew you'd fall right in with the idea. This is an evening we'll never forget. We'll relive the good old days. All right. Let's pretend I'm Lillian Russell and you're Diamond Jim Brady. Jim Brady? Oh, what a lavage entertainer. Evening long banquets, private orchestras. Scott Morton, where are you taking me? Well, speaking of orchestras, I thought we might attend the band concert. The band concert? Yeah, just like they did it in the horse and buggy days. Well, where did you hit your horse and buggy? No, Paula, we're taking the car. We'll just sit in the car and listen to the band music, Paula. Just you, me, and the stars. That's pretty basic. Well, it's quite a refreshing idea that. You bet. If you're asleep, you may get out without spending a dime. What's wrong with the car, Scott Morton? I'm out of gas. Well, there's a station right on the corner. You're lucky. Lucky. I'd better swing in. Oh, mister. No, out of gas. Well, I have to watch my pennies. Give me one gallon. You're kidding. One gallon, Scott Morton. Well, Paula, in the old days, people spent their money cautiously. Of course, that's out of style, and we don't do that anymore, but let's be corny just for tonight. One gallon. Okay. How corny do you want to be? Ethel or regular? Regular, smart aleck. A gallon of gas shot a quarter. Oh, well, I've got 75 cents left. Oh, Scott Morton, if you turn in here, you can park close to the bandstand. Good idea. Yeah. How's this? This is wonderful. We must be early. Yeah, the orchestra's just coming on the bandstand. Well, look, who's here? Oh, my goodness. Judge Hooker. Hello, Judge. Good evening. This is Winthrop. Gildy, I see you can spot a good parking place, too. I'm just two cars over. Fine. It's worth the 50 cents they charge you. 50 cents? The attendant will be around in a minute. Zeke, I'm down to a quarter. Oh, while the orchestra's tuning up, would you get me a bag of popcorn, Scott Morton? Popcorn? I'm hungry. They're selling it over there. You want two? How much is it? 20 cents a bag. Just one, Judge. I'll go get it. No, I'm out of the car. I'll get it for you. Well, thank you, Judge. That's very nice of you. Not at all. Give me the money. All right, here. Free band concert. I'm down to a nickel and I haven't heard a note. That's a wonderful evening, Scott Morton. I enjoyed the band concert. Very satisfactory evening to me, Paul. I guess we'd better head for home. I still have a nickel, but it isn't going to burn a hole in my pocket. Scott Morton, aren't you thirsty? I am after all that popcorn. Thirsty? Mm-hmm. Shall we turn around and go back to the water fountain in the park? What? The city water commissioner would like to treat you to some fine water. Oh, Scott Morton, Mr. Peavey's still open. Let's go to his fountain. Uh-oh, trapped. What can I do for you two? Peavey, Mrs. Winthrop is thirsty. That's good news. There's been a little snow this evening. Mr. Peavey, may I have a glass of water? Say, wonderful idea. Give me one, too. Water, you say? That's right, Peavey. Two waters. Now, after that, I'm going to forget my diet and have a big pineapple nut sundae. Ooh. One pineapple nut sundae coming up. How about you, Mr. Goethe? Me? Get on a thirty-five sandwich. Hold it, Peavey. Uh, Paula, speaking of your weight, I mean diet. What's wrong with my weight? Well, I don't see anything wrong with it. Thank you, Mr. Peavey. Mm-hmm. Well, neither do I, Paula, but if you're on a diet, you must think you're a little heavy. I'm... Well, I like that. Mr. Peavey, give me a double pineapple nut sundae. Mm-hmm, good. While you're making it, I think I'll look at the card. Are you going to let the lady eat alone, Mr. Guilnessy? All right, what the heck? Give me a sundae, too, Peavey, and charge it. Mr. Guilnessy, you've closed your charge account this morning. Oh, that. Well, open it again. Yeah, well, I'll do it the first thing in the morning. I don't want it first thing in the morning. Yeah, I want it tonight. Mr. Guilnessy, if I reopen the account, it has to go through the credit bureau, and the credit bureau doesn't open till tomorrow morning and business is business. The confounded Peavey all I have with me tonight is a nickel. Man, usually when a customer can't pay the bill, he washes the dishes. Washes the dishes? I happen to have a whole sink full right here, but I'm the counter, and I hate to do the darn thing. My George. Paula. Yeah? I must have left some of my money at home. Do you have any with you? Oh, I'm sorry, Scott Morton. I was so excited about our big evening, I forgot my purse. Peavey, you wouldn't do this to an old friend. A fellow jolly boy. The city water commissioner. How hot do you want the water commissioner? Oh, I hate inflation. This leave will be back in just 30 seconds. How much can salad dressing do for a salad? Well, if that salad dressing is miracle whip, it can do wonders. It can make the simplest salad in the world a special treat. Why? Because miracle whip has a truly remarkable flavor, a lively teasing flavor that's made it the most popular salad dressing ever created. Find out just how good miracle whip can make your salad. Get the one and only miracle whip salad dressing tomorrow. This is Gilda's leave again, folks. Before we say good night, I'd like to remind you of one thing. Be sure to vote in this very important election that's coming up. Believe me, these days it's a privilege to be able to vote for the man you want. There are not many places in the world you can do that anymore. And we want to keep on doing it here. The only way we can be sure of keeping the rights guaranteed us by our Constitution is to use those rights. And the most valuable one of all is the right to vote. Good. Please. Good night. Gilda's leave is played by Willie Waterman. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White, it was partially transcribed. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Lillian Randolph, Gene Bates, Earl Ross and Dick Legrand. Musical composition by Jack Meakin. This is John Easton saying good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of The Great Gilda's Leave. There are two kinds of delicious Kraft prepared mustard. Mild Kraft mustard, so smooth and delicately spiced and Kraft mustard with snappy horseradish added. And whichever you prefer, remember when you add a little mustard you add a lot of tang. Try it on cold sandwiches, hamburgers, frankfurters and cold cuts. Enjoy the wonderful sauces you can make for hot meat and vegetable courses with Kraft prepared mustard. Keep both kinds on hand and keep the whole family happy. Get mild Kraft mustard and Kraft mustard with snappy horseradish added at your favorite food store. Tonight, play You Bet Your Life on NBC.