 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm your host Jonathan Asley And I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic the five high quality attitudes mindsets Attitudes qualities mindsets women that drive men crazy the women have the drive high value men crazy. Okay. High value women When it's something like that, I'll figure out the title later. Hey really quickly if this content resonates with you This is actually my Saturday morning videos very similar to the videos I shoot in my private group called midlife love mastery There's a link below to check it out in the description and in the comments Where you get to ask me questions directly and I shoot three videos a week three videos a week based on the questions you ask So our topic these five high quality Attitudes that drive men crazy, you know, it's interesting if you've been following my work Well, let me backtrack for a second a lot of women reach out to me in the comments section I don't want to say the word complaining, but they're talking about their frustration with men Why is it? We have to do all the work. Why are men commitment phobic? Why do men pull away? Why do they act distant? Why aren't they stepping up? And I get it this can be incredibly Frustrating to so many of you. In fact, it's probably I might even seem like a little bit of a downer when I share a lot of the Reasons why men don't I don't want to step up Doesn't feel right, but why men are let's feel lack of a better word Unconscious, okay when it comes to romantic love and I get it Especially since many of you have been adopted into this philosophy that men are Chivalrous and they know what they want and they they go from point a to point b and it's caveman and it's instinctual and it's Biology and all that sort of thing. So I get it You've been indoctrinated in this belief of how men are supposed to be and my videos are how men are and you're going oh my god I'm pulling my hair out. It's frustrating and I get it So I want to talk about something a little bit different today because the reality is Most men are good people most women are good people It's just the reality is is that most people are actually bad at being in relationships Let me repeat that most people are bad at being a relationship and this is men and women alike ladies I know you think it's all the problem of men and you're thinking all right. We're perfect women are perfect I know you don't think that way but some of you act that way and it's all men's fault And I'm here to say I want to shift that narrative because there's a single man out there I'm going to tell you something. I see the same issues within women as I do with men I mean, it's relatively the same women are no more evolved than men are Okay, or men are no while you got them just to where I'm going So I want to lean into those five attitudes those five mindsets Especially when a man is distant pulling away because this is so important for yourself. This is so important for your life Okay Actually before I get into it, I want to share something personal with you. That's why it's called Jonathan from the heart Most of you know my 19 year old son passed away a couple years ago And this broke my heart open and in the depths of my despair I began leaning into what does it really mean to love? What does it mean to love? And it inspired me to write my second book called what the heck is self-love anyway see right there by Jonathan Asley what the heck is self-love anyway? Why I'm sharing this with you is because it's everything starts from within Everything starts from within our whole life starts from within as sad as I am that he's passed there's still my life and Just like there is your life and so it all starts from within so that's what I want to lean lean into today You know how much I get tired of that fucking leaning back I'm bringing up almost every video and I know it's a joke, but I hope you appreciate it for those of you Been watching by the way if you have been watched my videos, please post a comment below Really quickly my mug says I make the world go around what do you do and my t-shirt is the Led Zeppelin concert Led Zeppelin concert of 77. I was there. I was there last week was my black Sabbath shirt This is a little too tight on me Anyway, okay, let's get into those five attitudes those five qualities that five mindsets number one Your actions match your words your actions consistently match your words By the way ladies what I'm about to say is this applies to men, too The type of person that you show up as and the type of man you want in your life My hope is for you that someone's consistent with their words if they say they're going to call they're going to call and Sadly and as an example they say they're they say they're going to do something going to do it Sadly in the dating realm this doesn't happen very frequently especially in the early stages of dating where People are so flaky because in today's world. We're meeting most people online and I get it. It's frustrating It's our it seems like the only venue to meet people is through an online connection Yeah, because people aren't socializing with one another I live in a condo complex with 600 people and I have no clue if the woman read across the apartment You know the the balcony from me right over there might be my soulmate and I don't even know it Because we oftentimes live these bubble type of lives. So I'm here to say it's frustrating from that online perspective That's why I want to encourage you your actions consistently match your words and choose men whose actions consistently match their words number two Is you take personal responsibility for your choices you have a victor consciousness versus a victim consciousness It's interesting. I was communicating with a woman on a dating site and I made a simple joke And she went into defensiveness and a victim of what I said And and and it was very innocent, but she got defensive went into victim consciousness And it totally turned me off People that have victor consciousness that take responsibility for their choices. Look it I know many of you have had bad experiences with men And we can point the finger at men, but just remember there's always three fingers pointing back at us So let's stop pointing the finger and start looking inward This is why I'm a big proponent of reading bernay's browns book the gift of imperfection The gift of imperfection Oh my gosh, this is such a great I should have brought up this other book first What in relationship to this but the gift of imperfection letting go of who you think you're supposed to be And embrace who you are because a victor consciousness victor consciousness Is one that's highly attractive and for those men who Pull away run away. It's because oftentimes there's there's this victim consciousness going on Okay number three I call this fighting fair, but it's learning good conflict resolution skills It's learning that you don't always have to be right And there's always going to be tension in relationships. There's always going to be a little tension. It's not about being right It's about choosing to be happy and one of the gifts of someone with the the five high value attitudes Is that they'll listen to the other person's point of view and they'll accept the other point person's point of view Oftentimes when there's conflict is i'm right and i'm right and there's always an impasse But when two people say let's both find a resolution and by the way everything i'm sharing here men have to be doing Not have to be but ideally you're with a man who does the same He's not always about being right. He wants to listen to what you have to say And he accepts what you say as being your truth As your truth and i'm a big proponent of speaking your truth In fact going back to my book chapter one speak your truth do it with kindness And that's the way conflict should be resolved from a kind perspective and not from a place of i'm being right Okay number four This is so hugely important and it's empathy Empathy empathy isn't just about I can feel your feelings, but it's really I care about your feelings I care about your feelings and sadly, I know many of you are with men who don't adopt this high quality high value Attitude of actually caring about your feelings. You know, don't be in relation I'm spitting here Don't be a relationship with someone who doesn't genuinely care about your feelings and want to lean into your feelings Kick that guy to the fucking curb I'm sorry if someone isn't doesn't value your feelings And by the way ladies, this is what you should be doing the same You want to model this but it's about valuing someone's feelings and saying hey, I accept that for being true for you I mean I'd agree with it But I at least accept it being true for you do not settle for a man Who doesn't genuinely value your feelings because that's the sign of true empathy And lastly that fifth Fifth one is transparency transparency and transparency means that we're going to be honest with you You know when someone says can I be honest with you? What they're really saying is can I be Transparent with you? Can I be authentic with you? Can I be vulnerable with you? Can I be vulnerable with you transparency? And by the way, don't choose men who are not transparent with you if they're constantly hiding their feelings from you And not being genuinely vulnerable authentic and transparent with you the relationship is not going to work out This is why You both should be reading the book the four agreements before the penis gets to go into the vagina Ladies tell him he's got to read this book with you Because this is about setting up a relationship with integrity. This is about setting up a relationship from a place of high value The four agreements you shouldn't be choosing a man until you both have adopted this philosophy I'm kind of look at I'm your big brother here. I'm very protective Okay, if I was listen if you were going on a first date I would be standing at the door vetting the guy and saying look motherfucker if you treat my girl If you treat my sister like shit, I'm going to kick your ass So that's why you have to adopt these high value attitudes These qualities this mindset because I'm not there for you as your heart protector And I want you to adopt it for yourself because that's what's going to attract a great guy in your life When your mindset your attitudes your qualities have embodied emotional maturity And that's what I've just laid out for you the five signs of emotional maturity All right, uh, I hope this resonated with you if it does Please check out the links to a free discovery call with me to help me I can help you learn how to vet guys better Also, if you can't afford private coaching check out my group midlife love mastery Check out the links to the books. I recommend they're all listed there as well as my book What the heck is self love anyway? All right, if you have a question or have a comment, please post it below I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic job than bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the gamma and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone or even a pet and give them a hug right now Because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives I want to thank you so much and wishing you a fabulous day. Bye. Bye now