 Okay. Good morning, everyone. Good morning to all students who joined in online and also welcome to the e-learning students. Thank you for coming in. Hope all of you are doing good and well. Good to have you all back. A lot of you are missing. Hope all things have been okay. I think let's just get started. We'll start with the word of prayer and proceed. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, we thank you, God, for this new day. Thank you, Lord, for bringing us once again to hear from you, to hear of your word. Thank you, Lord, for this institution of Managing Family that you have designed. We pray, God, even as we look deeper into specific topics today, that you give us the wisdom, the ability to understand and also, God, to use what you have taught us back in our own homes in the way we deal with others. God, may every learning, may every revelation that you bring about us bear much fruit in our lives. And through that, may we be strong witnesses for you. Thank you, Lord. We pray for every student here who's logged in, who will be seeing this later. God, I just specifically pray, God, for your presence over them, that your hand and your power, Lord, will work in their lives in every area of their need. Thank you once again in Jesus' name. Amen. All right. Okay. So just to quickly recap about what we did last week. So would someone like to share what we spoke about last week? What was the topic that we spoke about? We had started looking into elements of a good marriage and that was the first part of what we're doing, which was, yes? Anyone? We talked about how we should have a good communication within a marriage and also how to build a good marriage. So how does communication build a good marriage? And also we talked about the aspects of communication. Okay. Thank you, Ren. Thanks. Yes, we spoke about communication. We started this entire topic on elements of a good marriage and one of the things that we started off was with communication. So we looked at many different aspects of communication, what really is important, why is communication important in marriage? What are some of the barriers that we may face? How do we communicate? We looked at three aspects. We said listening, we said speaking or expression and feedback. And we also looked at the spiritual law of communication, the power of our words, which brings us life, which brings blessing, which releases faith. So these were a couple of things that we spoke about. Okay. What we're going to look at today, we're not going to go chronologically as per the notes or as per the book, but we will be covering everything. But I just rearranged the order a little bit because I think there are some of these things we can deal with first and then go on to other topics. So another element of a marriage is the way that we resolve conflicts, the way that we deal with differences, disagreements that may come about in a marriage. So we're going to be focusing on that today. And this is in chapter 10 in your books or 104 in the soft copy or 105 in the physical copy that you have, your hard copy. Okay. So we just skipped a couple of chapters and we will come back to those. But we're going to be looking at resolving conflicts. Okay. Now, something that we need to understand and probably remember is the way that we resolve conflicts could largely be largely be, you know, something that we've learned or we've seen from the conflicts were dealt in our parental homes. Okay. How conflicts or quarrels or disagreements were dealt with in the, in our families of origin, that is with our parents and how that was dealt with. And very often we seem to display the same kind of methods or resolution techniques, even in our own homes. Okay. So that's just keeping a background in mind because it's important to understand where we may have received or understood some of the ways that we can work through the differences that we have. And, and that this is, this is a very important factor. Kindly just give me a moment, please give me a moment. Yeah, sorry about that. Yeah. So, this is an important factor, especially when, you know, when we are dealing with premarital counseling is to really understand and observe how conflicts are resolved in our own homes because that can have a bearing on the way conflicts are resolved in a marriage. Okay. So we will, we will look at that in part later, but it's a background that I'd like to bring about. Now, when we're looking at conflicts, we all in any relationship conflicts do happen. Right. There is no, there is no relationship where there aren't differences of opinions. Okay. So, although we may like or desire that our relationships or our marriages are free from conflict and always have that sense of peace. It is good to pursue that. Nevertheless, there will be there, it's obvious that there are going to be moments and issues that bring about certain conflicts. Okay. Now, these conflicts often can, it could be big, it could be small. It could be something that's very, very simple, you know, small disagreements that can happen, or it can be extremely huge and big. Nevertheless, all of these conflicts can bring about anger or it can bring about pain. It can bring about frustration. So, the idea is not to think that if we don't have conflicts, things are okay. We understand that it is a very common thing in marriage or in any relationship, conflicts are common. So, it is not that we should, we keep our marriages free of conflict, but learn how to handle conflict when it occurs. So, conflict is normal when, where people are there, people are different. Conflict is normal, but how we handle conflict is rarely what matters. And what we do during a conflict is what will determine what drives you away from each other or brings you closer to each other. So, this is a skill and one of the elements in marriage is a skill in learning how to resolve these conflicts and have peace at home. Okay. Now, why do conflicts happen? Conflicts often happen because there are two people here and two people in this are different. The way that they see life is very different. Conflicts is not, and I think often we sense or we feel this that in many cases, we think that conflicts happen because one person is in the right and the other person is in the wrong. But in a lot of cases, most of the time, it's just that we are different. We see things very differently. Okay. And so, if we are able to build an awareness about the differences in the way we see life, the way we think, the way we emot, the way we understand, a lot of it, a lot of issues can actually be many. Okay. So, when we were looking at why conflicts happen, we understand that it is because we are different. And because with man and woman, so men and women, there is even in all sorts of ways, there is a lot of difference that you see. So, it's just not in your bodies that is anatomically or physiologically, that is the kind of physiological processes that take place in our body. But we're also different in the way that we handle and deal with things. So, even psychologically, we are different. Emotionally, we are different. The way that we think we are also different. So, I just want to highlight a few differences. I'm not going to go into too much detail, but just to understand that there are these differences. So, when you look at the bodily structure or anatomically, yes, we know that a man and a woman are very different in the way that we have our physical structures. Okay. You would definitely find that men have more strength, more body strength and more muscle abilities than the woman has. Okay. And even if you look deeper inside the structure of the brain, the brain in itself, the skull in itself, for a man is usually thicker and stronger. Women do have greater brain cells, which actually connects both the left and the right side of their brain so much so that they are able to. And usually you say that women are right thinkers, right brain thinkers, meaning that they are able to process many multiple things at one time. Whereas men are generally, now these are, these are generalizations. There could be exceptions. Generally, they are more left brain that is they focus on one thing at a time. So, there are these kind of anatomical as well as physical structural, physiological structural changes that you will notice between a man and a woman. Now, in addition to this, there are differences in the way that we process and do things. So, that's what we call a psychological differences. So, those differences affects the way that we think, the way that we solve problems, the way that we deal with issues, the way that we deal with sensitive issues. So, these are things that we can understand. Now, like I said, they, there are these may be generalizations, you may see some exceptions to this rule. But nevertheless, it helps us to have a general background. Now, if, if to just name a few of your differences that you would see is for example, in the way that a man and a woman problem solve the way the way the man problem solves is one issue at a time. Okay, so they may, they may, they may focus really looking at one problem at a time. Okay. And for, and when they are solving problems, they are, for them, it's more about how well they're doing it, what are the skills that they, that they're using the strength that they have as they are dealing with that with the, with the, with the problem. Okay, whereas for women, women definitely women, not just look at how a problem is solved, but the way that they solve the problem is important. So for them, for women, it's more about how they can discuss it, how they can work with somebody, how they can interact, even through relationships, maybe just through a relationship that they do by talking with someone is how they do solve their problems. But for, for men, they may, they may try and focus it within themselves and come to a place of resolving an issue or a conflict by the way that they're able to think of it. So there in itself, you see that there is a difference. So how the problem is solved is, is, is starkly different between a man and a woman. Now, even the way that they may think. So when you look at, you know, women, women generally are, you know, think in multiple layers or in multiple, they consider multiple sources while they are thinking. Okay. So, and each of this will be connected one to another. Right. Like, for example, if there is a, if they're thinking about something with regard to work, it also matters how things of the home and maybe things that other areas are in their environment connect to one another, connect to one another. So then you would see that there is a lot of interconnection and interdependence in the way that they deal with a certain problem or, or the way that they, they work through that. Whereas men, they tend to focus on one thing at a time. They are able to look at limited issues at a time. They, they, if that's a problem, they try to solve just that and not really pull in from other areas of their life, maybe work or family or things that they don't, they don't pull from other things of life. Okay. They work in those compartments. And if you're interested to read more, there is this book that's called men are like waffles women are like spaghetti. It's a, it's an excellent book to read because it helps to understand how men and women process and think differently. Okay. Even, even in the way that, you know, is especially when, when, when we were looking at problem solving, the way that a man problem solves maybe, maybe more through, through like a challenging situation, they may go out to play a game, or they may go to fix something like a, you know, something that is broken or something. So the more that they do it, they probably have an understanding of how to solve the problem. Whereas women, they, the first thing they may do is call a friend or call a relative and, you know, really talk about it in length. And once that talking is done, then they feel a lot more better, a lot more satisfied that their issues are dealt with. Okay. Yeah. And this also has a bearing on the way that they, their memory women often recall memories. It is usually based on some emotional thing that they have connected with. Okay. They probably, they're, they're even able to remember, you know, a certain memory, what clothes they were wearing, what was the setting like, what is the date like. So there are a lot more of details because everything that they connect with are also tend to have an emotional component to it. Whereas men, they think of things that, where they may have used some strategy. Okay. And what, what they do is to, it's the tasks that, that's, that's got done there, that they remember a lot more. Okay. So, so that's, that again is something that you would see is, is different. Another area of difference that you would see is how the men tend to build better relationships through common activities, right. Maybe through a football or through playing a game or through bike riding. Some activity is what connects them. There is women, they have a preference in relationships through communication, through sharing of thoughts, their perspectives, emotions. All of that is what really helps them connect. Okay. So in, in the way that you, you do see this is that in many ways, God has created man and woman to be, to be really different. And in addition to all of this, there may be personal differences. We all may have our own differences because of our, of our homes, the way that we were brought up, the kind of culture. We've been in the, the experiences that we've had in life, what we've been exposed to the kind of learning or the kind of knowledge that we've been exposed to. All of these differences will have a bearing on, on the way that we deal with things. Okay. And also the way that we've been made certain personality traits that are there, the way that we communicate, the way that we behave, the way that we are able to take emotional struggles, the way that we are able to deal with stress. So, so all of this makes it even more, even more different. So when there is a difference, what is it that, that we need to understand is that we need to perceive that the fact that two people in some kind of an argument or a conflict come in because of the differences that there are. And when, when we view these differences in the right frame or in a, in a correct way, there's a greater sense of understanding, there's a greater sense of knowing that happens. Okay. Rather than thinking that something is lacking or something is wrong, something is deficient. And, and so, and that's what generally often leads further into, into conflicts. So the goal in the reason why we need to be aware of these differences is really to understand and recognize and act accordingly. So it is to understand why your spouse would act a certain way. Excuse me. It is to understand that the way that they process things may be very different from the way that you do. And by doing that, when you understand that you're not in a place of criticism or anger, but you're in a place of greater recognition and awareness and understanding. So it's only when we fail to recognize these differences to do points of frustration, points of anger, points of hurt actually come about. And that is what we, and that's, that's what leads to a breakdown of the relationship. So what we're doing is we are looking at each other and accepting and respecting the fact that they are different from us and the way that God has made each one of us are, are also that different. So you keep that difference in mind as you deal with these conflicts. Okay. Yeah. Any questions up until here? Any questions? Okay. So the scripture actually shows us and teaches us that we need to value these differences between a husband and wife between spouses. Okay. So in one Peter three seven, it says in the same way you husbands must live with your wives with the proper understanding that they are more delicate than you treat them with respect because they also will receive together with you God's gift of life. Do this so that nothing will interfere with your prayers. Okay. So just to know that they are going to be different. We are going to be different from each other. We learn to respect and build our relationship together. Okay. Now, there may be very many reasons why conflicts happen. It could be several reasons. It could be differences in the way that we deal with important issues in marriage. There can be a neglect of certain responsibilities. There can be issues with with interferences from other people. There could be issues with finance. There could be other kind of maybe behavioral things that cause that kind of conflicts. Okay. So whatever happens, these conflicts, like we said, are natural. But how we deal with them is is important. Now, what generally happens when there is a conflict? Although conflicts, like we said, are common. But through this conflict, something happens. And it's often that we tend to get angry. We tend to be hurt. We tend to be offended. We get upset when these happens. So there is this possibility every time a conflict can happens. There is a response of a sense of anger, maybe a sense of hurt, a sense of pain, a sense of a feeling as if you've been made use of feeling disrespected, all of this can happen. Okay. Now, those are natural responses to a conflict. Now, although we may experience these emotions, the next thing we need to keep focus on is that when we in conflicts happen, one of the biggest emotions that we face is anger. And anger is that kind of a response that often can create a larger divide in conflicts. Now, anger in itself is normal. It's natural. It's a way for us. It's a way to show us that something is wrong. Something is going amiss. So in itself, it is normal. It's natural. We all feel it. Nevertheless, the way that it is expressed. So even in scripture, it says, it doesn't say, you know, anger, you shouldn't be angry. It says, in your anger, do not sin. In your anger, do not sin or do not be angry for a long time, keeping it in such till such time that you're sleeping for days without resolving. You know, before the sun goes down, you know, resolve your anger. So anger in itself is is not bad. It's something that's given to us by God. The way that it is expressed is what we have to be careful about. So although it's normal and a natural emotion, we must be careful that we have to have a control of it. So if this conflict, if the anger is not controlled and becomes extremely intense and anger is there, you know, severely, then is some then is what we understand that it can lead to it can lead to a difficult situation. Now, even scripture, if you look at page 107 in your books and page 106 in your soft copies, you will see that there is a lot of scripture that teaches about anger. Okay. Many of these verses are from Proverbs in itself. Okay. And it actually helps you to see from scriptures, what is what, what do you apply? How can you apply this to yourself? So let's just take one of those verses. It says in Proverbs 14, seven, it says people with a hot temper do foolish things, wiser people remain calm. So this is what Proverbs says, when we're extremely angry, we do foolish things. For example, when we're extremely angry, we may say things that we actually don't mean, right? Or we may do things that we don't intend to do. Or we may do things that are impulsively driven. Like when you're angry with someone, you've probably said, I never want to see your face again and you walk out of the door. It is in that anger, that is people with a hot temper do foolish things, right? And then once it is done, it gets hard to undo what is done, right? And then it gets even more messier and difficult. But when you are able to bring down your temper, stay in calm, wiser people remain calm. So maybe you're angry at that moment and helping excuse yourself and say, may I be excused for 10 minutes? Or I will come back when I'm feeling a bit more calmer, excusing yourself and coming back and discussing about it is the wiser way of doing that. Or Proverbs 15, 18 says, hot temper causes arguments, but patience brings peace. So in your anger, when you say something, it's always going to lead to an argument. But when you come down and cool down and be patient with yourself as well as with the other, that's when you're able to talk a little bit more openly and maybe discuss your feelings and where you're at and that in itself brings peace. So if you look at all of these verses, it actually helps you to see how we need to manage anger. It doesn't say we shouldn't be angry, but of how in your anger, like Ephesians 4, 26, 27, it says, if you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin and do not stay angry all day. So these are things that say anger is normal, nevertheless the way that we deal with it. So one of the things, you know, it's an interesting questionnaire that's given in the next page of anger in your relationship. So what do you see or how do you express your anger in your relationships? And that's what it's showing. There are almost 25 items there. If you have the time, you know, take time to do that. It'll give you a real, a reality check about the way that you display your anger or how it is. So it's a good reflective questionnaire that will help. So what happens if you're angry? So that's where we stop. So if you are very angry, it's a good thing to do is to press the pause button. Imagine it's like this, you know, you're going, you're going, excuse me, you're going on the road. You're in high speed. Okay. And you and especially if you're in Bangalore, you sometimes see that there isn't a yellow light. A lot of the signals don't have yellow lights. It has a red and a green. That's as much as it. So green, you may be really speeding it to 120 and suddenly you see the red and then you've got to screech a stop. Okay. Think of it like that. When you're really angry and you're in that motion of driving at 120 kilometers per hour in your head. It is to screech to a stop. It is to call a stop, press the pause button and stop, bring things to a stop and move away from what is happening. Okay. So whenever you're really angry, it doesn't help. I keep telling, you know, people like council, when you're angry, you're, you're like a, you're almost like a drunkard. You don't know what you're saying. You have no control of what you're saying. Okay. Everything seems to be your judgment, your ability to understand, to reason out the consequences all seem to be lost. It's gone on holiday. Right. And so what we're doing is when we are aware that we are angry, we pull to a stop. We press the pause button and stop and keep away from what is happening momentarily. Okay. And then what we're doing is we need to go back to the seven steps of resolving conflicts. And that's what we're going to be looking at the next time. Okay. Coming back to that, to that point. Okay. So, and that in fact, when, when you press the pause button, if you stop at the stop signal, you have let, you have not let things go out of hand because once you let things go out of hand, it gets even more difficult to build. So even if it goes out of hand, you need to take a step back. Calm down and work through those work through the seven steps that we are going to be looking at. Okay. One of the things that we need to be aware of is not to avoid a discussion. So it says avoid avoidance, which means a lot of times when we have conflicts, we avoid talking about it because why? Because if I talk about it, then a conflict is going to come. So we avoid it. So it's saying avoid avoidance. Don't, don't let things that are festering or things that are in conflict, don't let it lie. Don't avoid it. Confront it. Meet with it. Go face to face with it. Okay. Because if it is avoided, it leads to problems being unresolved over time. It's like, and that's what this, the CD means, right? You, you throw dust under the carpet, you push it all under the carpet. No one sees it on the outside. It looks nice and colorful. But you lift the carpet and you will see the dust all flying. So when you avoid it, what you're doing is you're pretending as if nothing is wrong. Okay. And you've pushed it all into the inside. But in time, it's like a Coke bottle. You open a Coke bottle, you shake a Coke bottle, it's all going to come out. And all that is inside, all the not nice things that are inside will all come out very, very strongly. Okay. It's, it's almost like something that's active inside. And the minute there is a bit of a release, everything comes pouring out on the outside. So this is something that's only going to, when, when we lash out out of our anger, it's only going to create more anger. It's going to create further strife. It's going to make one feel, especially the recipient feeling powerless over the kind of anger that's displayed. So it's, it's not good one to either, you know, have an outburst of anger, right? Because you will have two kinds of people. The two kinds of people, one kind of person, one kind of people are that the minute they're angry, they have to speak it out. They have to bring it out. You know, it's, it's like they rattle it for around five minutes and then they're okay. But you have another set of people, they don't do that. They will keep it all inside. They will repress it. They will suppress all those anger inside and it begins to build and it begins to grow within that it leads to a sense of withdrawal, leads to a sense of isolation and a huge lot of dissatisfaction towards the other person. So both ways, avoiding not talking about it because you repressed it and you have suppressed your emotions is as bad. As actually having an outburst of anger where you're lashing out, you're saying things, you're bringing about a lot of upset outside. Okay. Now, we need to also be aware how to keep away from some unhealthy practices when we have conflicts. And, and because there's been no, not a whisper in the last 40 minutes, I want to open this out to you. And ask you, and this is a, you know, personally, and I think it's perfectly okay to share because we're all in the same boat. How, what do you do when you have a conflict that is not healthy? What do you tend to do for conflict that's not, maybe I'll start. So the minute that, you know, there is a conflict that comes to me, one of the first things that I do is I withdraw and I keep quiet. I don't say anything. Right. It isn't a healthy thing because it's brewing inside, you know, so I just withdraw. I keep quiet and I put a wall before me. So that's sometimes how I respond. So I'd like to hear from the rest of you. How do you all tend to respond? Now, this isn't any pre-question. All of us have been through conflicts. All of us have been through issues. And we may have had unhelpful ways of responding to these conflicts. So why don't some of you share just so that I know everyone is awake and is here. And I'm not talking to a blank screen or boxes of black on my Google Meet. Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. Yes. So for me sometimes, like, if it's, like, maybe if the conversation is getting maybe unhealthy, where two of us are getting really angry, sometimes I just walk away or I just, I mean, any time to be alone, like to cool off, maybe just go talk to God and just, yeah, be alone. Okay. So sometimes what Rin says is, you know, just walk away or maybe in the midst of a conversation, walk away. Okay. Thank you, Rin. Thanks so much for that. Okay. What about the other students? I know some of you are there. Nikhil, Prince, Radha, Francis. Hello, Pastor. I don't know who else is there. I asked Nina here. Yes, Nina. Go ahead. Yeah. So sometimes when you're very angry, I know this other person is asking, talking to you in a very angry tone and I know he's very angry, but try to give a little lighter answer. Okay. Okay. So is that, does that help or does it help sometimes? Yes. It helps. Okay. I'm asking for unhelpful ways. But that's a good one. Unhelpful ways. Okay. Anthony said, Anthony said, I tend to withdraw. Especially if it is tending to intensify. Okay. So the draw, I think there are three withdraws here. Even I generally withdraw, I keep silent. Anyone else who does anything else? Come on. I'm sure this has happened to all of us. So we have, no one is of excuse of how we deal. Ravali, how do you deal with the conversation? So currently, if at all I'm facing those kind of situations, I'm just keeping calm. Just not to make a big scene out of it, even though despite of who is right or who is wrong, give some space and then go back to them and talk about it once they are a little calmed down. And once I'm also can understand what happened really instead of reacting immediately. That's something that I know, I mean, it will be difficult at that point. Somebody is angry with you for no reason. And then you can't really defend it. But I found it not really helpful if you start defending when there is someone is angry and you all can also be angry. Thank you. Thanks, Ravali. Great. Okay. So something I picked up is that sometimes we defend. We defend our position. And so that could create worse situations. I think Shubh Kumar has written, initially I used to shout, fight, walk away. I used to carry this for many days. But whenever I used to go to God's word, it used to remind me to reconcile. Now I worked on my anger. I tried to keep calm. I reconciled within few hours. Okay. Great. Okay. So when we're looking at unhelpful ways, and this is, you know, actually I keep saying, we should really look at ourselves when we are in the roads of Bangalore, when we're driving and there is someone cutting you across. It really shows you how you deal with the situation. You know, that's when all the flurry language will come out. The aggression will come out. The shouting will come out. You know, the fist fighting or the fist showing or the threatening. All of that is when it actually comes out. Am I right? Yes. I wanted to add a bit, because recently I was driving with one of my friends and usually she's very calm and, you know, she's very godly speaking, everything that happens and suddenly I was writing. She was driving and she was giving garlic to everyone. I was like, oh, why are you coming here? You don't know. I can't see. I'm like, I was shocked. I was completely shocked. Such a transformation. Yeah. Yeah. So that's exactly what I was saying. So, you know, these are times when probably you don't have the time to think of a response and say, okay, let me come. You don't have a time to think what is inside is just coming up. Nevertheless, you know, we know that they are unhelpful response. One is showing aggression. That is when we are angry and we are maybe shouting. We're using abusive language. Our tone is high. Our body language shows as if, you know, you're ready to kill or maul somebody. That's the kind of aggression that can happen. Or we may, we may tend to show the anger on someone else or something else. Maybe let's say, often, you know, things that happen at work. You're very angry with what's happening at work, but you can't show your anger to anyone at work. So you come home, you show it to the dog, you show it to the door, you show it to the children, you show it to the spouse, or you show it to things lying in your house. And there are things being thrown or, you know, so, so that's a things are banged or things are broken. That's again another. So we use sometimes indirect approaches to deal with our anger that these are the more, you know, the aggressive kind of things. The more withdrawn, more repressive things is bottling up, you know, we don't share or show our emotions. We tend to bottle up and that grows and that builds and then comes as a result, there is a sense of deep resentment and anger that leads to unforgiveness, not willing to forgive or to see what those emotions are doing to you. So then comes unforgiveness. Other ways is silent treatment. That is, you don't talk. You know, whenever something's happening, you refuse to talk. You're like, you know, a rebellious stupor that you don't just talk. That again becomes the other person finds it extremely invalidating. You know, when someone's coming to share and discuss things, they say, no, I don't want to talk or you're actually not willing to engage. And the other one, the next helpful one is when there are issues between two people, you get a third person to validate your stand. And this is generally something I think that happens is, you know, we're doing a husband and wife. There's a conflict and one of the spouses go brings the parents to validate their stand. And that definitely creates again a whole lot of struggle. So these are all unhelpful ways in dealing with anger, unhelpful as well as immature ways in dealing with anger. What is a mature way? We need to ensure that that we engage in conflicts, knowing that conflicts are natural. We need to engage in conflicts in a mature, in a constructive way that really helps to look at dealing with feelings. So one of the first, what happens in conflicts is the things that rise up is our emotions or our feelings. And so to understand that when something is going wrong, I am either angry or I'm sad or I'm hurt or I feel rejected or I feel lonely. All our emotions are, you know, I say emotions are like a thermometer. It tells you what is going on. It tells you whether you're okay, you're cool or you're not. It actually tells you, it's only telling you that there is something around that's going wrong and you need to come to a place of correction. Now emotions in itself are not bad. It is something that God's created. God's given us those emotions to help us navigate life and relationships. So whatever the emotions are happening, it is okay to tell yourself that it's all right to feel hurt. It's all right to feel angry. It's all right to be jealous. It's all right in the sense of it's okay to feel what you are feeling. And it's important to come to a place of awareness on it. So you're describing actually being aware and saying, okay, I am feeling hurt. And when I'm feeling hurt right now, I would like this or I would want to see this. Okay, because when you're able, your body or your whole system is showing you what is it that's being threatened and what is it that you would need. Like for example, when you're angry, you are angry with someone. Your emotions are showing you that you're angry. And when you tell yourself, yes, I'm angry. What do I need? I need to sort out this matter or this disagreement or this misunderstanding with the other person. That's your need. Or I need to have a reconcile with this person. That's the need. Or let's say if an emotion is of jealousy, okay. So you're feeling jealous about something you've known that you are feeling left behind. So the need is I'm feeling left behind. So I would like to ensure that my spouse understands where I am. And I would like to have a better bonding with them and not feel the sense of abandonment. So feelings in itself are perfectly normal. It's all right. And we need to learn how to confront and work with that emotions as we are dealing with a conflict. So emotions are absolutely normal. And the first thing when we are in a conflict, whatever, whether they're wrong or whether they're wrong, it doesn't matter. We go back, handle our emotions, understand our emotions and know what is it we want? What is it we need in a situation and come back to resolve? Okay. So that is the first way of being able to engage in a mature way is to embrace that emotional part of you. Understand that emotional part of you. Okay. So you're not escaping what you're feeling. You're describing how you feel and what you want and what you need. Another way of engaging with a conflict in a mature way is to absolutely keep away from any form of building hurt on the other person. Either through aggressive means by name-calling, by violence, by abuse, by insulting them, by putting them down. And name-calling, maybe we don't name-call. Probably we don't say too much name-calling, but we could insult. Insulting is you're always like this, you're a cheat, you're selfish, you're a horrible person. I wish I never married you. These are all forms of insults and putdowns. So putting the other person down or criticizing them is something that is definitely going to create a lot more of hurt. So no forms of hurt or disrespect in either name-calling or any form of insult or threats or anything that will belittle them is something we avoid. Again, the third, the next one of engaging in a mature way is to take responsibility for whatever your actions or whatever you have done or said. Maybe you were not part of the first process of the entire argument, but nevertheless through it, you would have said something where you have not taken responsibility. So often when we blame, it doesn't help that in order to cut down that blame, it's important to take responsibility because the opposite of taking responsibility is blaming. And the last one is whenever you're discussing an issue, discuss the issue at hand. Stay in the issue of the moment, the here and now, the present moment, the current issue. What happens in conflicts is if this is an issue, everything from everywhere gets piled on. Yesterday's, the day before yesterday's, 10 years, 20 years, 25 years gets piled on. We're not dealing with the issue right now. So to deal with the issue at hand, you didn't make the bed today. Let's deal with that issue at hand. Don't say, okay, you have not been making the bed for 10 years or you have not been doing working for 10 years. You have not so not carrying like, you know, gathering, gathering things and piling it up. So to be able to stay in the here and now. Okay. All right. I think we've just gone past three minutes past time. So let's take a 10 minute break. It's 10 53. I'll be back at 11 three. So we'll have a 10 minute break and come back.