 Ladies and gentlemen, the Dove of Schlitz Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin presents the Halls of Ivy, starring Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. I was curious. I tasted it. Now I know why Schlitz is the largest selling beer in America. No wonder it's the beer that made Milwaukee famous. If you like good beer, you'll find it pays to be curious and learn about Schlitz for yourself. Now, the Halls of Ivy. We love the hall that surrounds us here today. Welcome again to Ivy. Ivy College, that is, in the town of Ivy, USA. As most of us know, teachers are intensely concerned with books. Many of them write books, too. Dr. William Todd Hunter Hall, the president of Ivy, is one of these. He finished writing a book early this spring and, with mounting anxiety, has been waiting to learn of its acceptance or rejection by his publisher. At the moment, Dr. Hall and his wife, the former Victoria Cromwell of the English stage, are in the living room of their home. It's shortly past noon. Dr. Hall says, What do you suppose is the matter with Carter? He promised to let me know definitely by the end of the week whether or not he'll publish my book. And here it is, Friday, and no word from him. There's no point fracking, Toddie. Friday isn't over yet. I suppose I should have known better than to rely on the promise of a man who has all his drinking glasses inscribed with the word whoops. Why the devil haven't I heard from him? My Aunt Violet always used to say, No news is good news. With all due respect to your Aunt Violet, whose conversation, if what you say is so, must have been exquisitely dreary. Well, all that may be Carter now. Good. I'll give him a few moments with Alice first. He deserves it, having kept me waiting so long. That'll teach him a sharp lesson. Oh, she's very fine, isn't she? Well, anyhow, we're just trying her out. She was the best I could do in the way of a housekeeper on such short notice. Oh, I'm not complaining. She's an excellent housekeeper, and she scares the life out of me. But I'm sure she must be unique in Carter's experience. I mean, there couldn't be two Alice's in the world, could there? Mmm, very doubtful. Took 20 years as a master sergeant's wife, and five years in the wax to produce evil wine. To produce Alice at all is a major miracle. It's the machine age. She wasn't born. She just came off an assembly line with two traps and a jeep. And shut up! And... at ease, darling. Yes, Alice, someone for the doctor, ma'am. Mr. Kantem? Well, I don't know, sir. When I answered, a man at the other end started to stutter. I couldn't make out what. I told him, pop to and sound off, mister. And he said he wanted to speak to Colonel Hall. I mean, Dr. Hall, fast. Excuse me, Victoria. I'll see who it is. Uh, he hung up. Hung up? Yes, sir. He said he had a message for you, and tried to pull right on me when I told him it has to go through channels. Well, I'd shoot him out a little for that. And he said, never mind, he'd be right over. Be right over? Well, then it couldn't have been Kantem. He's in New York. Well, chow will be ready in half an hour, ma'am. Chow will be ready in half an hour, ma'am. Oh, yes, good. Maybe a little more than half an hour. I never cook for less than a company full strength. It takes time to divide all my recipes by two hundred. Well, it's quite understandable, Alice. Well, it's all right. I'll bracket the roast and be on target at thirteen hundred hours. As you are. I'm frightened. Well, it's almost one o'clock. If Carter intended to publish my book, I'd surely have heard coming by now. Perhaps I should have worked on it another year or so. Oh, not, Miss Kantem. It's a beautiful book. It's one of the most exciting biographies I've ever read. Perhaps the subject's been found uninteresting. Now, after all, Jonathan Gilley was a rather obscure scientist even in his own time. You know, it's been claimed that the three most fascinating subjects for books are Abraham Lincoln, Doctors, and Dogs. And that the ideal title would probably be Lincoln's Doctors, Dogs. You know, perhaps I should have called mine Victoria's Husband's Hobbit. Let's wait another hour or so. Let me come take a look. Dr. Hall. Oh, Mr. Merriweather, come in. Come in. Good heavens, man. What is it? Congratulations. Thank you very much. What for? You mean you don't know? No, what? Oh, let me catch my breath. I ran all the way from the club. I tried to reach you by phone, but that female top kick of yours tried to rob me through the Pentagon building. Let's chair, sit down. No, no, we better make Dr. Hall sit down. Well, sit down, William. Why should I sit down? Because if you don't, this is likely to knock you down. I haven't been so happy about anything since my doctor told me to stop working. Oh, that means wonderful. Congratulations. Thank you again, but for what? Oh, it won't be this marvelous. He doesn't know. No, I won't. Well, I was in the club library reading my newspaper and listening with half a year to the radio when I heard the news. Wonderful news. Don't let me rush you into revealing it no matter whether or not. No, my husband stands always like this, digging his fingernails into his palms and holding back a scream. Well, ma'am, in the middle of this news broadcast I heard the name. Jonathan Gilley. Jonathan Gilley? Frankly, I wouldn't have known Jonathan Gilley from Ben Hogan's caddy except that you told me you'd been working on a biography at Gilley for several years now and it really had benefited both of you. We'll take a chance. Go ahead and bowl us over. Dr. Hogan, you won the Scofield Prize. What? What? Well, what's the Scofield Prize? Someone turn it up before I start climbing the wall. The annual prize for the best biographies submitted for publication during the past year. Twenty thousand dollars prize money, ma'am. Twenty thousand? And the best prize? I could kiss you. Go ahead, ma'am. I could stand quite still and let you. Oh, Jody, I'm so very proud of you. And just a few minutes ago I was filming at my publisher for not letting me know whether or not he was going to accept the book at all. Well, you'll publish it all right. It's likely to be selected for the Book of the Month pop. And if this Gilley, if this Gilley fella looks attractive and a low-cut gown, you're a cinch for the drugstore reprints. Well, I... I... I don't know what to say. Isn't it ridiculous? My little book, the Scofield Prize for the best. Well, well, well, the Scofield Prize, eh? That's what the man said. Isn't it wonderful? Just go, sir. Well, of course, we'll have a round there. And tonight, Mr. Maryweather, we've no time to send out invitations. Will you spread the word around? Invite everyone, but everyone, and tell Alice to call the market. That little delicatessen, you know. Tell her we want enough for several hundred. That's marvelous. Oh, tonight, we'll Mary, Mary, B. Oh, tonight, we'll Mary, Mary, B. Hi, you puppy dog. Oh, what do you do with all your money, doctor? Oh, endow a home for old college president. Well, for one of them anyway. Get one of those new Scotch-clad dinner jackets. I wouldn't dare wear it, of course, but it'll enter dashing air to the coat closet. We'll take a trip to Europe. Buy a new car. May the end of jazzy. Yes, sir. Victoria, please. Not while we're celebrating. Hey, Colonel. Colonel Colbert. Oh, me. Oh, yes, yes. What is it, Alice? Mr. Harry Crane, Colin, says he's from the I.B. News, a reporter. Oh, haven't come in, Mr. Maryweather. Would it be good now to take care of him while we've got stairs and freshen up a bit? You're glad, too, man. Take your time. Come on, party. Dr. Hall? No, no. My name's Maryweather. I'm on the Board of Governors. The halls will be down just a moment. Well, I'm Crane of the News. How do you do? You hear about the Scofield Prize? Yeah, it's great, isn't it? Great for me, anyway. I'm the local AP man. I make a few bucks extra on it. Oh, that's fine. You used to enjoy your radio program, the A&P Gypsies, wasn't it? That's fine. Now, you're thinking of a grocery chain. I meant the Associated Press. But about this 20 grand, what's a kid his age going to do with all that folding money? Kid? Dr. Hall's not old, but he certainly isn't going to spend the money on marbles and lollipops. I'm not talking about Dr. Hall. I'm talking about that senior here. What's his name? Buckley, who won the Scofield Prize. What are you talking about, sir? Buckley, Buckley, Jared Buckley, the one who just caught the Scofield Prize with a biography of Jonathan Gilley. Oh, no. No, it couldn't be. Are you sure? Sure, I'm sure. It came in on a teletype just a few minutes ago. My instructions are all you can send on Buckley. I'm hoping to get a statement from Dr. Hall to sort of round off the story. What have I done? Set up a Christmas tree and decorated a Christmas tree? I thought the news broadcaster said that I must have misunderstood. I... Excuse me, please, Mr. Crain. I don't want to be here when they come down. You look awful. What's the matter, Eddie? Hardly. I really couldn't stand seeing the faces of you. Excuse me, please. Sure, sure. Take it easy. A lot of that virus-ex-making around, you know? Well, if anybody deserves it, I do. Mr. Crain, good afternoon. I am Dr. Hall. Afternoon, Doc. Victoria. May I introduce Mr. Crain of the news? You do. Good afternoon. Dr. Hall, I won't take up much of your time. I just would like a statement from you on this award of the Schofield Prize. I first heard of it through Mr. Merriweather here, who took... Oh, by the way, where is he? Well, he seemed a little upset. He just left. Just left? Oh, that's too bad. I thought he was going to... The excitement was probably too much for him. I think I want everyone to feel as happy as I do. Well, you really take this big, don't you? Well, naturally. I'm very gratified by the news. You might make that part of the statement. Oh, and please add that much of the credit is due to my wife. Your wife? Really? Yes, yes, indeed. As a matter of fact, I doubt very much if the book ever would have been written without her encouragement and tender solicitude. You don't say? Of course. No nonsense. I merely nagged and nagged until the book was finished and I wouldn't stop talking about it all hours of the day and night. All hours of the... You don't say? I promise you that as soon as he's finished, we'd go away together for a whole week. Well, didn't you have anything to say about that, Doc? Yes, of course. Yes, I told her. That's a good idea. You don't say? I think it was a good idea. Well, yeah, but you've got to draw the line someplace. This is only a week. You certainly are broad-minded. If it was my wife, I'd be problem at the mouth. Really? I may say so. It seems a very odd reaction. Not in my circle. And I thought you people had such quiet lives. Oh, well, who am I to point a finger? Well, thanks for the statement, Doc. You have all you want. Well, I got even more than I bargained for. The story will be about Buckley anyway. This is just sort of fill-in and fluff. Buckley? Who's Buckley? Are you kidding? Jared Buckley, the student who just capped the School Field Prize with his book about Jonathan Gilley. Oh, sorry. Buckley? He did a biography with Gilley? He did a biography with one of the prize? Well, yes. Didn't you know? What did you think I was talking about? I... I thought that... You see, I... My husband has a biography of Jonathan Gilley in his publisher's hands now, and we were under the impression... No, it's Buckley's book. Oh. Oh, I see. Well, you thought that I was getting a story from you. Oh, this is a rotten break, Doc. I'm sorry. Holy cow, what a story! No, no, no. Please, forget it. Please. Right. Thank you. Well, good afternoon, Doctor. I... Well... Good afternoon, Mrs. Howard. Good afternoon. Um, Victoria, do something for me, will you? Of course, dear. To phone my office and have them out Buckley to come together this afternoon. I'd like to see him. What a party. Yes. I think there must be something good for you wrong someplace, with things I just can happen to people like you. Oh, thank you, my darling. I'm glad you think I should be immune to the buffeting of fortune. But speaking of buffets, shall we have lunch? I was curious. I tasted it. Now I know why Schlitz is the largest selling beer in America. No wonder it's the beer that made me no walkie-thing. There's a story behind those words. A story of something pleasant that could very easily happen to you. So before we return to the halls of Ivy, let's find out how a curious golf professional took a lesson from a group of beginners. When you golfers learn something from me, it's all in a day's work. But when I learn something from you golfers, well, that's like the man biting the dog. The man bites dog incident. I'm going to tell you about. It took place shortly after I became the golf pro at an exclusive club in Connecticut. One of my first jobs was to help some new members work on their game. Now these men were beginners who spent more time in the rough than they did on the fairway. But even so, they enjoyed golf a lot more than some experts have met. And their enjoyment didn't stop at the 18th hole. I'd see them in the clubhouse after the game, having as much fun as if they'd just broken a hundred. And I couldn't help noticing that Schlitz always seemed part of that happy picture. They always had a good time and they always drank Schlitz. So I began to wonder if this beer would give me as much pleasure as it gave them. There was only one way to find out by trying Schlitz. So I ordered a bottle and I took my first taste. The look that appeared on my face was second only to the look of satisfaction and I was there for photographers on those infrequent occasions when I went tournaments. That look said it plainly as if it had been printed on my face. No wonder Schlitz is the largest selling beer in America. No wonder it's the beer that made Milwaukee famous. Returning to the halls of Ivy we find a saddened doctor who's a little Jared Buckley. Is there anything I can do for you, Toddie? Thank you, no darling. I hope you don't think I'm crushed by the news because I'm not. It would have only been a bother to win the Scofield Prize anyway. Yeah, reporters interrupting your routine with requests for interviews. Yes, and having to make speeches at banquet. And radio and television programs. No, there's no doubt about it in my mind at all. No, it's just as well I didn't win it. Better in fact. Much better. What are you thinking about? I'm trying to decide which of us is the bigger liar. I think we're very evenly matched. We ever take a pound or two. It doesn't work, does it? I must confess I love having my routine interrupted. But you're being human if you didn't. I was going to surprise you with a first help. Surprise money, you know. Oh darling, you are sweet. What a lovely surprise. Thank you very much. I was going to exchange the fur coat for both of it. You were? Oh, thank you, Vicky. Thank you. I should have enjoyed that. How did it happen that Buckley should have written a book on the identical, very obscure subject you did? It was merely a coincidence, of course. Literature is dotted with cases where writers, widely separated in space, have written similar works almost simultaneously. Reaction to identical stimuli, I suppose. Yes, Alice, what is it? A telegram for you, Colonel. Thank you. I, um, hope lunch was all right, ma'am. You didn't eat much. Oh yes, it was great. Very good, Alice. The chocolate marquette was heavenly. It was giving me the recipe so I can park it under the other faculty wise. Oh, thank you. I learned the recipe at Cooks and Bakers School in the Army. Now you take 30 pounds of flour. 3 gallons of water and 3 gallons of milk. Then add a snidgen of vanilla extract. Not more than a quart. Now, four dozen eggs. Two slices of sugar. Thank you, Alice. I'll get it from you, Lisa. Yes, ma'am. From Carter. Dear Hall, in view of Scofield Tries Award, we do not feel we can accept your manuscript for publication at this time. Sorry, sincerely, and so on. And that, my love, is that. Two years of research and a year of writing, right down the drain. Oh, cast the luck. Oh, I mean it. I think of all the hours and days when I was so snowed under with administrative details I couldn't work on a book at all. But for that, it might have been finished sooner. I could have given it more time, made it better. Being a college president and a teacher. That's what hindered me. Well, I'd like my name to have gone a little way down to prosperity. For the scholars in the future, take my book from the shelf and read it. To have extended the domain of knowledge just that much more. I know how he tried here to be disappointed so cruelly. But living is full of disappointment. Yet we managed to survive, and he didn't do very well. It is, I know. Each disappointment always seems the worst. What about the time when, when I was returning to America after my sabbatical and you were supposed to go with me and couldn't? Oh, yes. I started packing. You bought a ticket? We were already I remember. And then two weeks before sailing. Well, we were dancing a big club. Um, what was his name? You remember, the new one had just opened. Oh, they had a V&E officer. They must have grown up in Walt's son. What was the name of that? I think he was beautiful. So do you. Is there much Walt in America? No, not much. When I left everyone was doing something called the Big Apple. The old Vicky is marvelous. Two weeks more than Goodbye London. Five days later. Hello, America. You know, when the customs inspector asks me if I have anything to declare I shall say, only my love. How do you? Yes, Vicky. I suppose I couldn't come with you to America. Oh, then all sorts of dire things would take place. It would rain for 40 days and 40 nights. The ice caps at the poles would move toward the equator. Baseball would be banned. But why imagine such a nightmare? I mean, when you are coming to America with me. But I'm not. What? I'm not. I can't. Oh, Todd, please don't look at me like that. Well, you're not joking. I wish I were. Only I wouldn't make such a joke. Yes, but I don't understand. Well, the management have asked me to change my mind and extend the run of the show until business was closing it. Why? Well, if I don't, I'm showing almost 60 people out of work. I couldn't refuse them. Oh, but Vicky, I had plans for it. Oh, they were beautiful plans, darling. And there'll be time to carry through. But we'll have to wait a bit. I'll join you later. You see, they all tell me the show can't go on without me. Well, it won't go on for me without you, either. Party. It wasn't an easy decision to make. Oh, I know. Besides, just feel as though the wind had been knocked out of me, that's all. It's been a wonderful trip for you, though, isn't it? Oh, my dear. And it's been happy, isn't it? I mean, until now. Happier than I ever imagined possible. It's going to make all the days away from you seem very dreary. I shall feel the same. But don't let talk about it. We've another two weeks. Let's enjoy them. All right, darling. We'll raise the roof and paint the town red. Because we are two very special people. Special and irreplaceable. Eh? Colonel, Mr. Buckley's calling. Please, not now. I haven't the time. Who knows how long it'll be before we see each other again? Oh, dear. It's Jared Buckley calling. What are you saying for him, dear? Make no difference every moment with you. It's precious. Well, sir, you're so flattering. I'm sure. But what if I'm not saying it? But who, you, what? Oh, that's it. Oh, Jared Buckley. Oh, dear. Happy new coming, Alex. Yes, sir. You were daydreaming again. There was stars in your eyes. That was one in my arms as well. Mr. Buckley, sir. Good afternoon. Good afternoon. I'm sorry it took me so long. Buckley, we're very proud of you. Congratulations on bringing the Scofield Prize to Ivy. Oh, thank you. I was coming to see you anyway, Mr. Horror. I wouldn't have had this honor if it hadn't been for you. For me? Yes. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't have written the darn thing at all. You're responsible for it, you know. I am? Yes, sir. Remember that seminar you conducted three years ago? The one in American colonial history? Yes. Yes, I do. That's where I first heard of Jonathan Gilley. From you. I'll never forget how you talked about it. This convinces me that I talk too much. Oh, no, sir. It was wonderful. You discussed him with so much enthusiasm. So much fire. I thought I couldn't stop thinking about him. The fire must have spread more than I intended. When I started doing research, I couldn't find half the books I needed. Someone else must have been working on that period of American history. I wouldn't be at all surprised. Then last year, I decided to write the book. Did you ever write a book, doctor? That's a good question. As a matter of fact, yes, two or three. My best one was... is unpublished. Funny thing. Once I started, I got into a sweat to fear someone else would write a book about Gilley before I did. Silly, wasn't I? I mean, who'd be interested in doing a book about an obscure 18th century scientist? Oh, it might have occurred to someone else. It might have, at best. I guess I'm lucky it didn't. I don't know. I guess I'm lucky it didn't. Anyway... Well, this... This is the original manuscript. I'd be very happy if you'd accept it. There's a... sort of a souvenir to remember me by. Will you accept it? Thank you, Buckley. I accept it with pleasure, gratitude, and a touch of envy. It's very kind of you to say that. Is there anything else, sir? No, nothing else. Just congratulations and the wish that this may be only the beginning of a very successful career. Thank you. Good afternoon. Good afternoon. Well, Vicky, I'm glad it was Buckley. Nice boy. You're not the dad yourself, professor. But I'm in the wrong profession, I sometimes think. If I weren't a teacher, I wouldn't have conducted their seminar. And then I wouldn't have brought Gillie to anyone's attention. Bert Garreler's old hall had to open the gate to his own apple orchard. Teaching bar. How did... I think you ought to read this. Read what? What Buckley says about you. About me? Here. Here. It's the foreword to his book. Let's have a look. Hmm. The minister's goes search through the land for the wisest of my subjects, he who has the greatest knowledge and the highest ability to use it. And when he is found, bring him to me. And he shall be my advisor and sit at my right hand. And the minister's searched through the land and found him and brought him to the emperor and within came one other. And the emperor welcomed the wisest of his subjects and gave him great honor. The emperor. Who is this other one who comes with you? And the wisest of the emperor's subjects answered, this was my teacher. Yes. But go on. Read the rest. To William Todd Hunter Hall teacher this book is dedicated. You see, Todd? There's nothing better. What can compare with it? The teacher. Yes. Yes, thank God. I was curious. I tasted it. Now I know why Schlitz is the largest selling beer in America. No wonder it's the beer that made Milwaukee famous. Here's a note for your date book starting Wednesday May 10th. The Halls of Ivy will be heard on Wednesdays instead of Fridays. And here again are Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. Good night, everyone. Good night. The Halls of Ivy's will be seen next Friday at this time at the Halls of Ivy starring Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. Ken Carpenter speaking. Innovator Baby's parents appear on We the People next on most NBC stations.