 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, The Five Steps to Make a Man Miss You and Want You More. All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so you can be, so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithm. Boy, I'm tongue-tied today. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions. By no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and tradition. So give it a chance and if it resonates with you, great. If not, that's okay too. All right, let's jump into those five steps to make a man miss you and want you more. All right, I really, I want to be candid with everyone up front. I actually borrowed this title from one of my contemporaries and I want to be even more transparent with you. I am not a big fan of the idea of missing someone, missing someone. And yet this seems to be a title or a topic that many of you ladies like to hear, having a guy miss you. And again, I'm not a big proponent of missing and I'll share that in a moment because some of the traditional advice to make a man miss you is quite a bit game-playing in my opinion. It's game-playing in my opinion. And let me give you some examples. And I was doing a little bit of research on this and I Googled how to make a man miss you and some of the things that came up were things like when you're on a telephone call, you hang up first and that creates a little bit of tension between the two of you and that makes him want to miss you. That's one example. Or you just stop texting him in the middle of a conversation and that makes him miss you more according to this article. Or you go out with your, you go out of town with your girlfriends to create tension in the relationship so he misses you more. Now, while some of this advice might work temporarily and it certainly works with emotionally unhealthy men, for emotionally healthy men and those high value men using those kind of strategies never, ever, ever, ever work in the long run because it's going to turn off that emotionally mature, high value man that most of you, I believe desire. So I wouldn't recommend using the game-playing techniques that are being taught by many to create tension. Tension is that, it's tension. And what that means is if you create tension then your relationship is gonna require tension all the time to keep it going. So if you start with game-playing that means you're gonna have to do game-playing throughout the relationship to create that tension between the two of you. And I'm not a big fan of that. And if you're not a big fan of that do me a favor, hit that like button or write amen in the chat box right now because I'm not a big fan of game-playing and I hope you're not as well. I'm more of a fan of what I'm about to share that will actually make a man want you more. And when I say a man, I'm saying this for both genders. What I'm about to say is whether it's a man or woman the things that I'm about to share today actually helps both sexes get closer together on an emotional level. Let me repeat that. Let me get closer together on an emotional level because the sad reality is today most human beings are rather dysfunctional with their relationship skills. They're rather dysfunctional with their emotional maturity hence why they have to play games to get this process going. And if you're not familiar with my emotional maturity chart, relationship skills I'm just gonna show this with everyone really quickly. You can see at the top it says emotional maturity and relationship skills. By the way, notice here on the bottom it says this is not a fact, this is an opinion. I believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues. They are bipolar, they're borderline, they are narcissistic. And while that doesn't necessarily mean they can't be in relationship it makes it very difficult to be in relationship with people who are not aware of their clinical issues and to be in relationship with those people. And then if you look over here it says the word healthy. And I said about 20% of the population is healthy. Now, when I say 20% I'm being ridiculously generous it's probably not even close to 20% of the population is emotionally healthy and has relationship skills because the vast majority is in this section that says dysfunctional, dysfunctional. This is why a lot of the techniques that are being taught by many of my contemporaries work temporarily because it's based on triggering unhealthy wounds within a dysfunctional person that attaches them to you temporarily. And I'm not a big fan of that. I'm a big fan of going deeper on an emotional level. I'm a big fan of every human being investing in themselves on a personal development, self-help and spiritual level. And this is why I recommend my book continually. If you haven't read my book What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? There's a link below to all the books I recommend. I recommend this book to help you become more aware of your negative patterns and your limiting beliefs in your life as well as the men you're dating because when a person actually works on their stuff they become a better candidate to be in relationship. They become a better candidate. And if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg if this is the first time you're watching one of my videos my relationship iceberg as you can see right here at the tip of the iceberg you can see the word chemistry and above the water line is attraction. Now you can see below the water line is this word called compatibility which means shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. What was I just talking about emotional maturity? And it takes an emotionally mature person with relationship skills to be in relationship. And what the, you know, here's the fascinating thing. I talk to women all day long. I'm a dating coach for women mostly in midlife which is after baby making years and before retirement. Although nowadays I'm getting a lot of 20 and 30 year olds reaching out for my advice. And I'm so grateful for that because if we can start sooner this is gonna help out a lot. But here's the thing about most of you women you all think you're emotionally mature. Men think they're emotionally mature. Women think they have good relationship skills. Men think they have good relationship skills and everybody is fucking clueless to their dysfunctionality. This is why I continually recommend reading the book The Hoffman Process, The Hoffman Process. This is a deep dive into healing those childhood wounds and traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in one's life. So with that said, we're gonna lean into those five steps not to make a man miss you but these five steps to make a man want you more and appreciate you. Appreciate you because quite frankly this isn't about having someone miss you. What's more important and what causes a person to want you more and more and more is when they can actually, oops, I'm spitting, actually appreciate you, appreciate you. And wouldn't you rather feel appreciated than missed? And if you said you'd rather be missed that your ego doing the talking which isn't the healthiest place to be at least that's my invitation for you. All right, so let's talk about those five steps. I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses. We're gonna look at my notes right here. All right, so step number one and like I said this is true of men and women alike. This is a two lane street, okay? Number one, look a man in the eyes with beginner's mind with beginner's mind. Folks, I am noticing a distressing lack of mistrust in the dating process the distressing lack of trust or more so mistrust in the dating process. And here's the thing, if you're operating from a premise of mistrust then you're not operating from the premise of beginner's mind and beginner's mind is not judging the person without getting to know the person. When you can actually operate from a clean slate you are better prepared to not only attract what you want but to be actually giving out the vibe of what a man truly desires. He wants to be appreciated for years. He wants to be accepted for years. He wants to be respected for years. And by the way, ladies, I'm saying this for men this is true of you as well. Wouldn't it be great if all humans operated from a place of beginner's mind versus the distrust or mistrust that's happening today? And I'm telling you this is so rampant now it's one of the reasons why many people don't get past the first or second date because they're operating from a place of mistrust. So can you do me a favor and start from a place of looking him straight in the eye with beginner's mind? With beginner's mind, okay? Number two, what does it say here? Oh, lead by example, expressing your needs, wants and desires. Lead by example when it comes to expressing your needs, wants and desires. Folks, I witness women all day long to give their power away to men. You all love the idea that you can just sit back in your feminine energy and he's just going to claim you. I don't know what planet that happens on. I mean, I guess the broken clock planet that happens on but here's the reality. When you're sitting back letting the man lead you're giving the job to the wrong person and quite frankly, most men are rather clueless. They're winging it. So if you want a man to actually appreciate you then start leading by example by expressing your needs, wants and desires and a great way to do that is to establish what are you actually looking for in a relationship? What are you looking for in a relationship? I'm gonna share my personal one to just give you some ideas but you have to come up with this for yourself. So in my world, I'd like to spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, teamwork, building skills both in our personal and our professional life, traveling together and intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either living together or getting married. That's my standard, okay? I'd lead by that. Now I'm a guy leading by that. Ladies, you can do the exact same thing. Here's my standard, okay? Now it doesn't necessarily mean that you can't adapt your standard to someone else's standards however, by expressing your standard, a man is going to appreciate you because he can then quickly evaluate whether or not you're a good fit for him and vice versa and you can do the same thing when you're actually asking each other deeper questions. I know many of you are listening to the rhetoric of don't interview a guy on a first date. My belief is quite the contrary. My belief is you interrogate the motherfucker as soon as you possibly can. And I say that absolutely tongue in cheek. And what I mean to say is pre-qualify your prospect, be radically honest, ask deeper questions from the get-go so you don't waste your time with the wrong guy and you actually make room for the right guy. Are you with me? Can I get that thumbs up? Please let me know. Hit it, say amen in the comment section as well. All right, lead by example by expressing your needs, wants and desires. Number three, I love this one. Praise him in front of his friends. Praise him in front of his friends. Whenever I was in my last relationship and we were at a party or something and she just said something very flattering about me in front of people, that made me feel so appreciated, so grateful, so wanted, so loved that I wanted more of that. And so by the way, we could come up with 20 things you can do. These are just five that I randomly chose for today, but certainly praising him in front of his friends. And by the way, when guys do the same thing too, you're in front of your friends and your boyfriend says, God, look at how gorgeous my girlfriend looks. That's in front of your friends, that really makes you wanna be with that person a little bit more than the average person. At least that's my invitation for you anyway. Number four, express what you appreciate about him and invite him to do the same. Express what you appreciate about him and invite him to do the same. Let's tell you a quick story where this was birth. In my most significant relationship after my divorce, one of the things we did with each other is every night before we went to bed, when I stayed at her home or vice versa when she stayed with me, we would express five things we were grateful for about each other. I'm gonna repeat that, we've expressed five things we were grateful for about each other. I believe couples spend so few minutes and days and hours actually talking about what they appreciate and what they're grateful for from each other. So when you actually start to do this and build that muscle of expressing appreciation, people want more of that. They want to feel, human beings wanna feel appreciated. So when you can share the little things or the big things you appreciate and making it a bit intentional, you have a greater chance of bonding with your partner in a more loving way that makes them wanna appreciate you and want you more rather than trying to make them miss you. And number five, number five. Oh, this is one of my favorites. Ask his opinion about something. Ask his opinion about something. You know, I wanna share a quick story with you. This happened to me some years ago, oh, about eight or nine years ago. I was having a second date with a woman and I went to go pick her up at her home. And she was showing me around her house and she was remodeling her kitchen. She had some kitchen tiles out. And she said, hey, Jonathan, you seem like a person that has good taste. Can I get your opinion on which tiles you think would fit best for my kitchen? And I was like, in that moment, I was floored. I was first honored that she wanted to ask my advice. I was honored she wanted to ask my advice. And then I felt a level of responsibility. You know, like I didn't wanna necessarily shrug it off and just go, oh, that one. I really took it seriously. And I picked out the one that I thought was the best. What I most remember about that is I felt respected. I felt honored. I felt appreciated in that moment. And nothing demonstrates respect for a man and men deeply wanna feel respected by asking their opinions on things. Asking their opinion about what they, not about themselves, about things that will enhance your life. And I'm trying to think of some examples and it's not like, does this dress make me look fat? Kind of ask opinion. But ask opinion about your professional life. Ask opinion about your family life. Ask opinions about your health. Ask people their opinion or their advice, if I should say. So it's opinion or advice. By asking advice, we men feel deeply, deeply respected. And I know ladies, you feel the same way as well. When someone asks your advice, it perks us up and makes us feel like we're valued beyond the surface of where we lie. So I just wanna invite you to start being more intentional in the dating process instead of this cavalier winging it way that most men and women are operating in this whole leaning back way which doesn't really work in the long run. I want you to be more intentional and don't use game playing techniques to make a man miss you or make him jealous. That temporarily works, but you're gonna have to play that game for the rest of your life and quite frankly, it's high value men, emotionally mature men are gonna run the other direction when you're playing that game. And I invite you not to do that. I invite you to use the techniques I shared with you today. So just to recap really quickly before we take questions, look him in the eye with beginner's mind. Number two, lead by example, expressing your needs, wants and desires. Praise him, number three, praise him in front of his friends. Number four, express to each other how you appreciate each other. And number five, ask his opinion on something and invite him to do the same with you. I think these are five great steps not to make a man miss you but to make him want you more and genuinely appreciate you. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know, hit that like button. All right, now we're gonna tip, oops, that was a big loud clap. Now we're gonna get ready for our Q&A. If you're on the live stream right now, there's a little chat box there where you can post questions, write the word question then post your question there after. Makes it easier for me to find them in the chat box or you can purchase a super sticker, super chat. There's a little dollar sign there that you can purchase the super sticker, super chat. I wanna thank Jenny for her super sticker, super chat to get us started. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. By the way, all the funds from the super sticker, super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of Connor right there. He's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development for those who are seeking personal development help as well as investing in those programs that I find most valuable or at least donating to those resources that are most valuable to help you with your personal development. So again, purchase a super sticker, super chat and there's a little box, a dollar sign there. And if you're listening to the audio version of this, you won't be able to see any of this. All right, let's jump into the Q&A. Kim Turner says, we need some F-bombs. I'm working on it. All right, I'm fucking working on it. Emmy says, amen. Unfilled says, amen. Kristen says, amen. And if I butcher your new name, I apologize. Let's see, let's go swim, man. Emmy says, facts, thank you so much. I appreciate that. All right, Susan writes question, question question. Hi, Jonathan. This latest man I met online has advanced to the phone call and wants to see me Friday. But he talks on the text all about sexual things. How do I respond to that? How do you respond? So you can say something like this. Is it, I need your opinion on something. Let's use one of our techniques. Is it typical with men with small penises asking sexual questions without getting to know me? Is it typical of men with small penises do that? Just ask it as a question. Now I'm being absolutely rhetorical. Listen, anybody who leads with sex is not interested in a fully committed relationship. He's in that dysfunctional category of men, dysfunctional category of men that lead with sex. And by the way, I would totally say that to him. I say, so is it typical of men with small penises to lead with sexual questions? Listen folks, it's one thing if you're both flirting with each other and you're both mutually being sexual with one another. I have no objection to that whatsoever. I am all four people flirting and being sexual with one another if they feel comfortable with one another. What I'm not a big proponent of is one person leading with sex and the other person isn't. So sometimes you gotta smack a dog in the nose by putting it out there. Like what the fuck are you doing asshole? I mean, really, do you think that works? You could block his phone number too. That's another thing. And you could do the polite lady-like thing. Thank you so much. I don't appreciate that line of questioning kind of thing. But sometimes assholes need to be smacked upside the head. I know I was once smacked upside the head not literally figuratively. And it actually woke me up. So just, I like, by the way, I'm being totally tongue in cheek here. But you could say, hey, is it typical of men with small penises to lead with sexuality? I wouldn't meet the guy, but that's just me. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it and I hope it helped. All right, let's see what we got here. Oh, Dolores says, Susan, it appears that that guy who wants to meet you on Friday is already telling you what he's all about. He's likely looking for a casual relationship. And by the way, there's nothing wrong. If you wanna have sex with them, you can do that too. I'm just not a big proponent of that. All right, let's go swim in. Do we have some questions? Post the word question and then write your question there after. All right. Ola, Coach Jonathan, please of course tell us about these advice suggestions that the ladies learn and apply. We'll do. Coco writes, question. What would your advice be to a guy who wants to move in with you, but he's worried that he will lose his identity and freedom if he does. Great question. You know, folks, I'm a big proponent. Folks, if you follow my work, you know I'm a big proponent before the penis goes inside the vagina, reading the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. This is the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. Quite frankly, this would be a great book to read before you move in together. Listen, there, listen. There is a restriction of freedom that happens when you move in with someone. That's natural. And if someone's not prepared for that, I can understand that. And maybe if you, to live near each other and spend a little, maybe you practice by spending four days a week together first to get started. Maybe it's five days a week to get started. But ultimately moving in with someone can be very problematic. And not that I have the answers for you today, I would Google what things to look out for when moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend, okay? And start to address the problems before they happen. In other words, I want you to look at the street and if you see a hole in the sidewalk rather than falling in because you're blind to it, book, start to review what could go wrong and address that in advance. That's at least my suggestion to you is address the, now you don't even know what those potential problems are. For example, depending on the size of the place you might not have a lot of privacy. I know one couple that spends, they take the entire, each once a week they take an entire 12 hours out of the, they live together, this is a married couple but they take 12 hours outside of the home to do their own personal things without seeing each other. And no text messaging, no telephone calls in between. One person has a hobby that they do. Another person has their yoga, I think they're a yoga instructor, something like that. My point is, is they build it into the fabric of their relationship so they have their alone time and that's critically important as well. In fact, this is one of the reasons why a lot of couples are doing what's called living together apart. In other words, they're not moving in together but they find homes very close to one another so they still have their own pad so they can chill and yet they spend quality time together as well. You have to do what's right for you but you might wanna Google living together apart. You might wanna talk about what the potential problems could be, address them in advance because the worst thing to do is go in there naively going and this is what you ladies so terribly do. But Jonathan, if we just love each other magic fairy dust will make it all work out. Folks, magic fairy dust doesn't exist. Being intentional, coming up with agreement, compromising, that's what makes a relationship work in the long term, not the short run or for the long term and the short run thinking that love will solve the problem doesn't solve problems. Love is the icing on the cake of a relationship. At least that's my opinion anyway. Do you agree with me? Hit that thumbs up. All right, Coco, thank you for that question. I really appreciate it. I wanna thank Colleen for the super sticker. Thank you so much. The Conor Asley Scholarship Fund appreciates that. Ms. Valquez says, question, why is it that women need to direct men? Why is that? Because men are rather clueless, men are rather clueless because, and quite frankly because nobody is taught how to be in a healthy happy relationship. Nobody is taught this stuff. We aren't taught how to be in relationship. Folks, once you read this book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman, you're gonna go, oh my God, why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this in school? Men are clueless. Men know they want women. Men want companionship and sex. Let me reframe that. Men want companionship, connection and sex. After that, they have no clue how to manage a relationship. So why do you have to do it? Because women purchase these books 10-fold greater than men. By the way, here's a picture of my mom and dad. They were married 66 years before my mother passed away. Now, if you asked anyone of my siblings who was the leader of the relationship, every one of my siblings, including myself, would say, my mommy, my mommy was the leader of the relationship. My dad was just good at taking instruction. So, you know what? Listen, guys who genuinely care about you, they wanna be instructed. Only control freaks, assholes, narcissists and emotionally unhealthy people run away from instruction. Healthy men will actually appreciate you because we can't read your minds, ladies. We can't read your minds. So if you actually give us instructions, we appreciate you even more. So it's not that hard. And by the way, my mom loved it. I'm gonna tell you a quick story. So my mother and father were having a dinner party one night. I visited their home some years ago and there were two other couples there. So collectively 160 years of marriage. And because I'm a dating relationship coach, and I've known everybody since I was a baby, I said, what's the secret to relationship success? And the first couple look at me and they say, they say, marry your best friend. They both said it at the same time. Marry your best friend. In other words, meaning the person you married should feel like your best friend. So number one. Number two, the next couple said, never go to bed mad, always resolve things before midnight. Never go to bed mad, resolve things before midnight. And I turned to my father and I go, what's the secret to relationship success? And my father says, your mother understanding that I'm in charge of the relationship. And by the way, they were sitting opposite from each other. The other couples were sitting next to each other. My parents were sitting opposite from one another. My father said, your mother understanding that I'm in charge of the relationship. And I said, mom, what's the secret to relationship success? And you know what she said? Having your father believe he was in charge of the relationship. Trust me, my mom was the leader of the relationship. 66 years of marriage. Hey, listen, doesn't have to be for everyone. You can certainly lead by example by stressing your needs, wants and desires and standards. And you know what, would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? My invitation is be happy. And that's how you can go about it. Ms. Valquez, thank you so much for that question. I really, really, really appreciate it. All right, let's go swimming. Kalua says, question. He wants a key to my studio and he doesn't go to my main house. I'd never had a guy ask me this. What's your advice? I need a lot more information before I get into this one. Your studio, is that a business thing? And he doesn't go to my main house. I don't, I need more information on that one. I don't wanna touch that one. All right. Susan says, you're so great at response to my question. Thank you so much. Oh, you're very welcome, Susan. I appreciate that. Okay, Nikki says, interrogate. I love it. Thank you so much. Okay, Ouija writes, hey Ouija. May you please explain some differences between rule and boundary? I express my standard commitment and boundary, but when things go wrong, he shared with me that he feels I set up these rules. Okay, so let's go back to what I shared before, my standard for a relationship. I said, I'm seeking a relationship where we spend three or four days a night a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, intimacy, both physical and emotional, intimacy, traveling together, moving in together, getting married. That's my standard. A rule would be, you have to follow this rule and nothing else. That's a rule. A standard basically is an opportunity to create a conversation to find out what's so. I share my standard and I turn to someone and say, what's your standard? What are you looking for a relationship? A rule says it's done my way and a standard is just merely expressing something. Someone else expresses their standard and then you try to find a meeting in their minds. That's a standard versus a rule. Now, boundary is simply what's okay and what's not okay for me. So if you both agree to spending two or three days or three or four days a night a week together and all of a sudden your partner only wants to see you once every other week, that's a crossing of a boundary. And you might simply say, hey, we made an agreement to see each other this frequently or we made an agreement to talk to each other this frequently. The boundary is expressing what's okay and what's not okay for you. And then again, coming to an agreement. Now, ultimately you have to decide if someone crosses your boundaries repetitively, you may not want to be in relationship with them. It's all about healthy communication. And if you're not familiar with the book by Marshall Rosenberg, nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg, I highly recommend reading this book so you can get clear on better communication skills. This should have been called compassionate communication. I wished it was, but that would be my invitation for you is to learn better communication skills and express yourself in a little bit more clearer way. But certainly a standard is different than a rule. A rule is an absolute. A standard is an opportunity to hear what someone else's standards are and see if you can align yourself and then a boundary is what's okay and what's not okay with me. Regent, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Great question. All right, let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. We're gonna scroll, scroll, scroll. Lisa writes, question, when is it too soon to jump the gun for discussing future plans with each other? When is it too soon? I think by the time you start to have sex with someone and you're having regular sex with someone, I think it's really important to establish, are you in an exclusive monogamous and exclusive relationship? I would certainly have that conversation before the penis goes inside the vagina. And certainly afterwards, I'd wanna get some clarity on what does commitment look like to each other? I believe asking these questions very early on and being intentional. So once you've established that you both decided what commitment looks like for you, that you start being intentional about creating that. Ladies, listen, we don't have time to fuck around. You don't have time to fuck around waiting years for a guy to make up his mind. Now I'm not suggesting that you have to move in together or give each other money or be there for each other when you're sick, right from the first week of meeting someone. But I would certainly be more intentional in the process by expressing yourself, by saying, look, this is what I want. If you don't want the same thing, that's okay. I'm not saying you have to want it with me, but I would certainly say that by the time you get to three months into a relationship, you should have an idea of whether or not you're genuinely boyfriend and girlfriend with one another and whether or not you want long-term partnership. Now here's where it gets really fucking tricky. Most of you don't know what partnership looks like for one another. You ladies are suckling on the fantasy nipple hair. You are sucking on the fantasy nipple. You're not thinking of the mechanics coming back to the book, eight dates. Look at, the things that talk about on this book is what does trust and commitment look like? Addressing conflicts, being sex and intimacy, the cost of money, in other words, work and money in relationship, room to grow, family, fun and adventure, growth and spirituality and then what you want in a relationship. Ladies, stop fucking around expecting the men to know this. If you want, listen, the right guy is going to appreciate this. Let me tell you, I get so many emails on a regular basis from women reaching out to me thanking me because they purchased two copies of this book with boyfriends that they've been together with three months, six months, a year and they start reading and the boyfriend actually appreciates it. We men need instructions, so make it simple for us. The right guy is going to lean in and the wrong guy is going to run away. He's going to run away. He's going to run away. He's going to run away. The wrong guy will run away. You want the wrong guy to run away because the right guy is going to lean in. But Jonathan, all the other dating coaches tell me never, never, never, ever do this. Fuck that shit. If that advice works so great, why are people so fucking miserable out there? I'm here to say, like I said earlier, be radically honest, ask better questions and if you need some support with that, check out the link to a free discovery call with me, my area of expertise. I mean, I just, a client just hired me today. It's because I teach you how to determine true compatibility coming back to my relationship iceberg, how to determine true compatibility. Number two, how to ask the right questions, even on the first phone call, how to ask better questions. Number three, how to vet for emotional maturity. Yeah, you got to vet for this shit because most human beings are rather dysfunctional, dysfunctional, yourself included. And number four, this helps in heighten your intuition. And when your intuition is running on all cylinders, look out, you'll be able to spot the right guys and the wrong guys very quickly. So that's my invitation for all of you. So coming back to that question, well, anyway, thanks so much for that question. I forgot who asked that question. Lisa, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, I want to thank Linda for the super sticker. By the way, again, if there's a little dollar sign in the chat box for that Connor, as a scholarship fund, might still be Connor. Someone was asking me about Connor the other day, and then I was sharing that when a parent loses a child, there is no worse thing that can happen in their life. And interestingly enough, it's been three years, three, oh, fuck, it's been three and a half years now since he passed away. I saw a yellow butterfly yesterday. Yellow butterfly represents him. I've come to realize that he would never want me to suffer. He would never want me to suffer any day of my life. So in his honor, I do my best to thrive out in the world. I do my best to be of service out in the world because in his honor, I am really living his legacy through my work. So I appreciate all the donations because I really do want to support personal growth, personal development, self-help work, spiritual work for people. So thank you so much for these stickers. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. All right, let's see, let's go swim in, let's go swim in. Okay, here we go, question. Kimberly says, question. I met an interesting guy, two fund-aids later, we both agreed to go on more, but Jonathan, he is so shy and a bit beat up after his divorce four years ago. How can I help him gain trust? How can I help him gain trust? So it's not your job to help someone else gain trust. Okay, it's not your job to help them gain trust. Your job is to show up vulnerable, authentic, transparent. I'm gonna repeat that, vulnerable, authentic and transparent. Your job is also to show up as an emotional grown-up, to show up as an emotional grown-up. Let me give you an example what an emotional grown-up looks like. First off, your actions consistently match your words, your actions consistently match your words. I gotta tell you something ladies, I'm a single man out there dating and I can't tell you how many women are absolutely flaky in the dating process. They start a conversation with you on Bumble and then they disappear. I think it's because they're listening to this stupid advice of playing games and trickery that's causing genuine, emotionally healthy men like myself to run away, to run away from those dysfunctional women because their actions aren't matching their words. So number one, actions matching words. Number two, they have victor consciousness and not victim consciousness. In other words, they take personal responsibility for their choices. They take personal responsibility for their choices. And folks, I see this frequently and again, I'm speaking as a man talking to women. I don't know how many women when it comes to the ending of every relationship they ever had, it's the guy's fault, it's the guy's fault, it's the guy's fault. Folks, do you see the finger I'm pointing? There's three fingers pointing back. If we don't take personal responsibility for our part in the ending of a relationship, then you're not actually in victor consciousness. You're in victim consciousness. You're blaming others. And I gotta tell you, human beings here in the United States are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. I mean, we are barraged by victims here that choose to blame others. Now look, I can understand some of you have had experiences with narcissists, some of you had experiences with cheaters, some of you had experience with liars. I get it. And at the same time, you have to look at your role into the ending of a relationship and nothing screams victim when you're pointing the finger at everybody else except yourself. So very sexy thing, lead by being a victor and not victim consciousness. Number three, learning how to fight fair, fight fair. What I mean to say is you listen by the way, every relationship is gonna have conflict and disagreements. What's most important is you listen to your partner's point of view. You validate their point of view as being true for them. You then express your point of view and allow them to validate your point of view. And if you have differences, it's still acknowledging that their point of view is right for them. You can have a different point of view. It's okay to disagree, agree to disagree. Unfortunately, most people would rather be right than happy. Most people would rather, and they are basically, they're all focused on being right. And by the way, if you want a healthy, happy relationship and you wanna gain trust with someone, it's not about being right. It's about finding solutions to your problems. Solution to your problems, not about defending your position. And we are suckling on that nipple big time. Number four is empathy. Now, empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings. Empathy is I genuinely care about your feelings. And more importantly, I care about my own feelings. Do you know what? Most human beings suffer in silence because they rather be people pleasers than pleasing themselves. And one of the fundamental principles coming back to my book, what the heck is self love anyway? What the heck is self love anyway? By the way, the links below to all the books is the idea of the oxygen mask, okay? First, we can't give love to others until we give love to ourselves. So when the flight attendant says, in the case of cabin pressure change, if you're traveling, the oxygen mass will be dropped from the ceiling. And if you're traveling small children, put the mask on yourself first. Folks, we have to learn to be empathetic to ourselves. And you're talking to a person who continually beats themselves up emotionally. And it takes a lot of work to love myself. This is why my podcast is called the what would love do podcast. And one of the fundamental principles, love is forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiving love. Forgiving love. If you're not familiar with the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer, it's known as the hapono, ponopono, ponopono. And it goes like this, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. Like giving yourself a shot of B12, you're giving yourself a shot of L12 or love, because if we start to forgive ourselves, and we can have, again, empathy for ourselves, empathy for others, that's a great sign of emotional maturity. And number five is transparency, transparency. And what I mean by transparency, if it's material to the relationship, it's time to speak up, none of this shit hiding shit from each other. By the way, I was in a relationship and I hid my feelings continually. And guess what happened? Stuck it under the rug, stuffed it under the rug, stuffed it under the rug. It was the elephant in the room the entire time. Ladies, coming back to my book, chapter one, speak your truth, do it with kindness. You oftentimes are afraid to speak up for fear of losing a guy. And I'm here to say, you only lose the wrong guy because if you're sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. That's chapter nine in my book, by the way. If it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So I invite you all to show up emotionally mature and lead by example. Now, does that mean the guy is going to follow your lead? No, if he's emotionally dysfunctional or he has poor relationship skills, it's gonna be very hard. But again, continually lead by example, and then you have to decide, is this really the right person for me? It may not be the right person for you. And that's okay too. The sooner we end the wrong relationships, we attract the right relationships in our lives. So coming back to your original question there, Weijin, I think it was, no, Kimberly. It's only two dates, you know, but certainly you can start this as early as two dates by leading by example. And my hope is, my hope is, you actually form a stronger bond. And folks, let me just say this, if you really wanna create a strong bond with a guy, be radically honest right from the get-go, because guess what? When two people are radically honest with each other, they actually build intimacy. Intimacy means into me you see. You actually build a stronger bond when you're radically honest with one another. Intimacy, into me you see. And that's my invitation for you. Lead by example, demonstrate that emotional maturity. Give it a shot. Let me know how it works. Will you do that for me? All right. Thank you so much for that question. I really, really, really appreciate it. Thank you so much. All right. What's next on the agenda? Purchase a super stick or super chat? All right, it's my, here we go. Oh, it's, I can't even pronounce this. Question, he said he's not ready for a relationship because of his past experience. At the same time he told me he really, really likes me, but he's afraid of losing me. I'm so confused. Please advise. Great question. So let me just see this again. He says he's not ready for a relationship. Go, you know what? That's great. You're not ready for a relationship. That means you're not ready for my vagina. He doesn't get to fuck you, okay? If he's not ready for a relationship. That will clear up things really quickly. So you guys can spend all day long being friends, being friends, being friends, being friends, being friends, being friends. What's the fucking point? Okay. Folks, when someone says they're not ready for a relationship but they like you, it's really code for I want to fuck you but I'm not going to give you any emotional support in your life. I'm not going to give you any financial support in your life. I'm not going to take care of you. That's what it means because you have to decide what a fucking, excuse my language, calm down, Jonathan. Sorry, I get upset with this bullshit, okay? And by the way, I've said the same things too. There are moments in my life I'm not ready for a relationship but here's the bottom line folks. When a man genuinely really likes a person and they genuinely want a relationship they do whatever it takes to lock the person down. And believe me, I have been, I've done, I'm guilty of what this guy is doing. I am guilty of this. I have plenty of women where, listen, I basically say I'm not ready for a relationship but I would like to have all the cookies that go with it. My only difference is I'm upfront about it. If that's the case, I'm, look, all I'm looking for is friends with benefits so you game or not but don't let him fuck you unless he's ready for a relationship. And by the way, the fact that he led with this I wouldn't invest any more time in him but that's just me. You can do whatever you want folks. You guys know the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over again expecting different results. Tell him if he wants to really, if he wants to sleep with you then he has to spend the next three months proving it. Do the Steve Harvey, you know do the three months that Steve Harvey recommends at least that's a suggestion. Let me know how that works and write me back, okay? Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. That part, yes, exactly. All right. Simply says most men don't know how to have a friendship with a woman and you can't build lasting. That's right. You know, most human beings men, by the way, you ladies, it's not a male thing. You ladies are just as bad about this shit. You don't know how to, most humans don't actually know how to get to know one another. Folks, I highly recommend reading the book making love all the time by Barbara DeAngelis making love all the time by Barbara DeAngelis. And let me tell you why. This is a blueprint. Actually, hold on one second. Where's my other book? Where's my other book? Oh, yes, hold on, I'm coming, I'm coming. This book, folks. You've got to read this book. It's Barbara DeAngelis again. Are you the right one for me? Are you the right knowing who's right and who's avoiding who's wrong? Both of you should purchase two, by the way, between eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman in this book. Listen, all you have to say to guy, look, if you want to fuck me, then we're going to read both these books to see if we're right for one another. All right, if we take sex off the table, you're going to lose the flaky guys quickly and the right guys will step up to the plate. It's not that hard. This isn't rocket science. But Jonathan, all the other dating coaches told me to play the feminine game and just lean back and let them be masculine. Really, guys are fucking clueless because you ladies are clueless. When you set up your, by the way, do you know why men love bitches? Because bitch stands for babe or beauty in total control of herself. Ladies, you have a habitual problem of giving your power away to men. And then you wonder why you're suffering on the inside in some way, shape or form. Stop giving your power away to men and start taking charge of your power. Read these books and start emulating what's suggested. By the way, Barbara DeAngelis is a brilliant doctor. She's a brilliant person. John and Julie Gottman, these are brilliant people that study relationships. And let me tell you something. When I was going through my divorce, we went to family court one day. Just the one time we went to family court and I was sitting in the courtroom and there was four other divorce proceedings in front of us that morning. And I was listening to the complaint of each couple. And I thought to myself, what if we could reverse engineer this? In other words, what if instead of playing the, well, if we love each other, everything will just magically work out? You know, that all you women, not, I know that sounded kind of critical. Many of you women suckle on that nipple, okay? But if you're actually problem, pragmatic, why not figure out what causes most divorces and reverse engineer it by establishing the healthy relationship, right? From the beginning. And that's my invitation for all of you. Stop leaving it up to men because most guys don't have a clue, but will follow instructions or at least the more healthier men will follow instructions. And then maybe you get lucky to meet a guy like me who's already comes trained. I'm already potty trained. I've marked my territory. I'm already potty trained. You don't need to teach guys like me and men like me. And I'll teach you how to find out who are guys like me by asking better questions. So check out the link to a free discovery call. Is this making sense? Is this sinking in? Please let me know. All right, listen. I'm gonna leave the last few minutes of the live stream for any personal questions you have of me. So if you have a personal question, write the word personal question and then post the question there after I'm gonna spend the last few minutes of this live stream answering personal questions. Is this sinking in? Please let me know. All right, let's see. LOL potty trained. Yes, thank you. I am potty trained. Renee says, Jonathan, I found your videos. I love that they're candid and inside. I just wish I wouldn't have found them. I wished I'd found them sooner. It may have saved our relationship or helped me move on sooner. That's true in many cases. Thank you, Renee. Again, if you have a personal question of me, write the word personal question and write the question there after. So it's easy for me to find personal question. All right. This person says, wish you lived in Wisconsin. I am happy in Southern California. I've got an ocean view where I live. I'm very happy where I'm live, but thank you so much. I really appreciate that. All right, Blue-eyed wolf says, how did you sabotage your last date you had? You said you had a sabotage that and I'm wondering how. I am too embarrassed to share the personal, the actual words that I said. I was just insensitive to someone. I recognize that I have a snarky part to my personality. It's a defense mechanism that I have whenever I feel fear or threatened, I get snarky. And I was insensitive to a person and then I got snarky. Sometimes I don't differentiate between women and men. In other words, to my guy friends, we can be snarky to one another and we give each other slack. So I did say a couple of insensitive things and quite frankly, it wasn't a good match in the long-term anyway. But that, and I think I sabotaged it because we probably weren't a good match from a long-term perspective. So on some level, I believe that when we do sabotage something, it's because our intuition knows it's not right and wants to end it sooner in a kind of a dramatic way versus the old-fashioned way of letting it dry a slow death. So anyway, that's the answer to your question. Thank you so much for asking. Okay, this person says, no more nipple. Let's date should go. Thank you, Jonathan. Thank you for the super sticker. I appreciate that. Again, if you have a personal question for me, please let me know. Tracy says, what quality you find most important in your future partner? What quality? Well, I'll read them to you. It's on my bulletin board. We both adore and desire and respect each other equally. At both, desire adore, expect and appreciate each other equally. We have mutual attraction for one another. We feel mutually safe and accepted by one another. We are generous to one another. We are rooted with one another. We have fun and spontaneity with each other. We are both givers and believe in teamwork with one another. Oh, she's into depth and growth. So we both have, we have a desire for depth and growth with one another. We believe in intimacy, both physical and sexual intimacy. I want someone who wants to fuck me on a regular basis. That would be pretty much fun. We both have flexible lifestyles. And lastly, we both love to laugh and play. Those are just some of the few things on my bulletin board I have written and I invite you to write them down for yourself as well. So Tracy, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Lisa says, I live in SoCal, blessed place in the world, way to go. All right, if you have a personal, oh, Wegen has a personal question of me. When you plan to make amends to another, how do you usually start? Okay, hold on one second, everyone. I hope I can find the book. Okay. All right, we're gonna find my ex-girlfriend's book, Chatting or Cheating. I learned this a long time ago. Let's see. Where is it? Where's the apology? Fuck, I can't find it. Bear with me, everyone, just bear with me. Apology. Apology, here it is, 101 and 103. Bear with me, everyone, slow down, hang tight. Okay, so asking for, so the four R's to an apology, the four, by the way, this book is called Chatting or Cheating by Dr. Sherry Myers. There's a picture of her right there, isn't she cute? All right, so the four R's to apology, first is to recognize and acknowledge the pain you have caused someone, okay? Express regret or remorse about what you have done and the pain it caused. Take responsibility for your actions and then express your desire to reconcile, remedy and make restitution to give your partner what they need to feel safe. That's the four R's to an apology. I learned this a long time ago, believe me. By the way, when I shared earlier, I sabotaged, I did all the four R's I did. Doesn't necessarily mean that, again, it was a short-lived situation, so it wasn't right from a long-term perspective. But what I mean, when I, I think one of the fundamental things I've learned personally is to learn to be sincere and apologize if someone genuinely feels hurt. Now, if they misinterpret something, I may not apologize, but I certainly will honor how they feel, acknowledge how they feel. I might share a different perspective, but I will acknowledge and honor how someone feels. If I feel like it's a misunderstanding versus I genuinely did something that was offensive to another. And that's my, that's the way I handle apology. So, Weijin, thank you so much. Linda says, my wonderful Leo passed away seven years ago. I miss him every day. Life goes on. He would want me to be happy again. Way to go. I agree. All right. Angel says, is it dating harder or easier as you age? You know, when I was in my 20s, I was stupid. You know, I'm in my fifties, I'm smarter. I don't know. Does it really matter? Does it really matter? Does it really matter? What matters most is you operate from the premise of, here, operate from the premise of, here. Read this book, the four agreements, the four agreements operate from that premise is a lot better than trying to figure out if dating is harder or easier. That's at least my invitation for you anyway. Thank you so much for that question, Angel. I really appreciate it. All right. Mary Ann says, harder. I mean, again, that's a perspective. By the way, you know what? Folks, I'm gonna wrap up with this narrative. You have a choice. You can focus on what's wrong or you can focus on what's right. Here's the thing. I'm gonna make an invitation for every one of us. It's raining great men. It's raining great women. It's raining great men. It's raining great women. It's raining great men. It's raining great women. Shift your narrative, allow love into your life by opening up to what's possible. I obviously oftentimes share the dysfunctionality but my intent is that you open space for what's good. It's raining great men. Keep saying that over and over and you'll start seeing great men in your life. Are you with me? Can I get it? Amen. Amen. All right, folks. Can't believe how quickly an hour went by. I think this would be a great place to wrap up. Did you find value today? Please let me know by hitting that like button. If you found value, please purchase a Super Sticker or Super Chat to the Connor Asley Foundation and the Self Love Club. All right, really quickly. We're gonna wrap up as we always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic shot than Bear or Hug of Self Love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or a pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank everyone that was on today. I wanna thank Linda, I wanna thank FL, I wanna thank Lisa, Blue-eyed Wolf, Weijin, Travel One, the list goes on. Thank you all so much, big gigantic hugs to you. Have a wonderful, fabulous weekend and I know it's turkey day coming in a few days so have fun. Take care, everyone. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.