 Watch out, this happens when you call out the narcissist. Many of you, you may be thinking about calling out the narcissist. You've dealt with them for a long enough time. You know what they're about. You know what they're like. And you've had enough of it. You've had enough of their toxic behaviors. How they're always deceiving you. Lying to you. They're future faking. They're insulting you and putting you down. They're strangling you with other people. They may even be smearing your name. They've been doing all of these things. And if you're watching this, you've gotten to the point where you've had enough of it. You just don't want to deal with it anymore. It's a headache. It's weighing you down. It's holding you back from becoming the person that you want to be. And you think that if you call them out, then it will finally end. When in actuality, that will only be the beginning. Because when you call a narcissist out, they become defensive. They have this desire to protect their false character. They fear being abandoned. They fear being exposed. They may even just fear losing you as their supply. So when you call them out, they become defensive. They get very angry. And usually it isn't just passive aggression. They will become overtly aggressive. Although sometimes it can be covert. But they will try to twist it on you. They will try to shift the blame onto you. They will try to deny their actions. But if they can't do that, then they will try to find a way to justify it. As though what they did was in response to something that you said or did. They always find a way to evade accountability for their actions. Or to deny it. Project it onto you. Gaslight you. And gaslight other people as well. They will do whatever it takes to take the heat off of them. Because they do not want to be seen in a bad light. Their image is very important to them. And it may seem crazy. But in many situations, you may not have even called them out yet. But it's almost like they can sense it. They suspect it. That you are onto them. You're about to figure them out. And they know instantly. They have to get you before you get them. They have to try to find a way to expose you. Which typically it isn't very difficult for them to do. Since they've already put you for the ringer so many times. So it's likely that you've already engaged in reactive abuse. So they've already got all these things on you. All of these things that you've been doing. Which they can now put out to expose you. And make you look like the bad person. But of course, one thing they're not going to do when they do that. Is expose any of the things that they were doing to you. It's going to be all focused on you. They will start a spear campaign and enforce their flying monkeys. Because the last thing they want you to do is to go around exposing them. Their image is very important to them. And they will do whatever it takes to protect it. It doesn't matter how long you were with them. It doesn't matter if you remained loyal and devoted. For a very long time. But our says may seem loyal to you. But when it comes down to their false image being exposed. They cannot maintain that illusion of loyalty anymore. And even then when it looked like they were being loyal. You were just their supply. This object that existed to meet their needs. This person who they could manipulate, abuse, lie to and future fake. As often as they chose to. Knowing that you would just put up with it. You wouldn't leave. But at some point you do begin to realise. That maybe it is better if you do leave. You begin to realise that yes it is toxic behaviour. It's having a very negative effect on you. It's pulling you down. And it's like just as you've got one foot out the door. They just have to pull you back into it. Into the dysfunction. When you were trying to get out. You were trying to get away from it. And this is the mistake that a lot of us make. In thinking that this person actually had our best interest in mind. When in reality all they care about is themselves. They're just using you to meet their emotional needs. They don't really care about you. They don't care about what you've been going through. They don't care about what you're going through right now. None of that matters to the narcissist. All they care about is keeping you stuck. Keeping you locked in under their control. They don't care if you're hurting. They don't care if you're suffering. They don't care if you're just trying to get away from the abuse. Because no matter how they try to portray it to other people. The fact is that yes it is an abusive situation for you. And if you had known from the very beginning what was going on. You never would have put yourself in that type of situation. If you realized that it was toxic and harmful to you. Because I know those of you who are watching this. You do want to be better. You don't want to be in the same situation for the rest of your life. You do want to move on. I mean isn't that why we got involved with the narcissist to begin with? We were thinking that we found love. We were thinking that someone actually loved us. We thought we were going to have a relationship. Maybe a marriage, children, a family. But they deceived us. And when you start to catch on. You start to figure things out. You think that it's finally all over for you and the narcissist. When in actuality it is only just the beginning. It's the beginning once you figure them out. Once you know what they're doing, what they've been doing to you. How they kept you locked under their control. Because what they did was they objectified you. They treated you as an object. And at the same time they objectified themselves. They kept you down. Making you believe that this was your purpose to serve them. And it became like a transaction. Where at times you were expected them to serve you as well. But a relationship is not meant to be like that. What about your emotional needs? Why was it always transactional? And of course it's because they never actually cared about you. You were just their supply. Just something they used to regulate their emotions. You were never going to be anything more than that. No matter how much you might have wished that you could have been. But I know a lot of you, you feel regret. They guilt-trip you and you feel like maybe you did something wrong. They zone in, they focus on your faults or mistakes. While ignoring or diverting people's attention from all of the things that they did to you. So people never catch on and realize that it was actually reactive abuse. A lot of the things you did to them. Maybe you lashed out at them. Or maybe you were just thinking about doing something. But it never actually led to actions. Even though you may have had the opportunity to do them wrong for whatever reason. Maybe you're out of love. Maybe you felt like you loved the narcissist. You cared about them despite everything they did to you. You still believe in the false character. The lies, the illusion. The future faking. Believing that maybe one day you can actually have something for real. So that may have distracted you. That may have prevented you from ever exposing them. Or telling anyone about them. But regardless of that, it's just your perception. It's the way that you're seeing them, the way that you're looking at them. They already know that you know. That you see them in a bad light for what they did to you. Because all of the things they did, those situations were never resolved. In most of the situations, they never came to you and apologized. They never even admitted that what they did was wrong. They denied it or they justified it. They always had some excuse. And yet it's so easy for them to come to you and hold you accountable. And to smear your name and destroy your reputation when you're trying to call them out. It really is a double standard with narcissists. And it's ironic as well because at least with you, you may have thought about getting revenge. You may have thought about smearing their name. You may have thought about destroying their reputation. And exposing all of the things that they did to you. But those thoughts, those feelings, they never actually led to behaviors or actions. Because maybe you felt guilty. You felt bad for them. But they don't feel bad for you. Which is why it's nothing for them to smear your name, expose you for everything that you did in reaction to what they were doing to you. And it's really crazy how they can do it. Because I remember situations in my own life where I was pushed and provoked. I was enticed to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. And then I lashed out. I reacted. And as soon as I did that, it was twisted around on me. I was falsely accused, I was blamed. Because I was pushed and provoked for such a long time. And then I started to believe that maybe that is actually who I am. Maybe I am guilty, I'm a bad person. Maybe I deserve the blame. Maybe I deserve the abuse. Maybe I deserve the abuse to the abuse as well. Or rather the abuse to my reaction of the abuse. Because that's typically how it goes. But then, at some point, I began to realize that it was kind of pushed upon me to be that way. In a different situation or environment, around different people, a lot of the things that I did in reaction would never have happened. And it's just the way that they target your self-esteem, they indoctrinate you, they brainwash you. It makes you think that that's just who you are. When, of course, if you had different people around you, people who were telling you different things, they gave you a different narrative. Of course, that would then lead to a different result. As long as you're not a narcissist, you're not highly narcissistic, you're empathic. Of course, things could change for you in the right environment, around the right people. But the way you've got to look at it is you've been in this relationship for years, maybe decades. You've been told the same things about yourself every day for years. So how are you supposed to think anything different? It's like how science has shown that if you have two plants, two seeds, or even two cups of water, and you speak positive words to one every day, eventually it will grow into a beautiful flower. But if you speak negative words, the seed won't grow or the flower will die. And yes, this has been scientifically proven. So anything you feel following the relationship, the discard, the smear campaign, do not identify with it. Yes, you have been indoctrinated to believe certain things about yourself. You've been told the same things every day. And if you look back, you will see, yes, there were certain key events, certain moments where it's almost like your beliefs about yourself began to change. You lost interest in certain passions and interests, and you began to adopt different beliefs, a different way of thinking when you were never doing that before. So how was that transitioning? How did that happen? And this is how you should know that yes, you have been indoctrinated. It's just how it goes when you're dealing with narcissists. It's human nature. We typically move away from pain and towards pleasure. Whatever feels better for us, which of course is always going to be the path of least resistance. And when you're involved in harmful negative activities, the narcissist, they won't typically cause you to resist that because they are trying to create a backwards person in you. They want you to follow this path of least resistance that is actually no good for you. Where you're engaged in things that are harmful, maybe even illegal or morally wrong, and you may even get caught up in these addictions. And these are things that you are using to comfort yourself, things that they may have brought to you to begin with, and you're using it to cope, and yet they blame you for that as well. A narcissist will blame you for your own abuse. They will blame you for the things that they do to you. And not only that, the sickest part about it is they will blame you for things that you can't even control, things that no matter what you do, as long as you're around them, as a result of you trying to protect yourself, there are certain pathways in the brain that your minds will take to protect and defend yourself as a result of what you have learned from them and what moves you to pleasure, comfort or safety and away from pain. And yet they will blame you for that. It's really crazy when you think about it, because they abuse you, they damage you, and then you're blamed for things that you cannot even control, things where if you could just push a button to change it, you probably would have done that a long time ago, so they're blaming you for things when there's nothing you can do about it, which of course, as we know, is very different from the disorder that they have, because these are things that they can control. They are fully in control of their actions. Well, as for us, and I know a lot of you will know it, you've experienced it. If you've dealt with a narcissist, they're very suffocating and encompassing to where it's almost like you're being stripped of your free will. They leave you with no other choice or decision. They give you these double standards, these double binds, where it's like, no matter what you do, it is still wrong. So there's no alternative, there's no answer, and they feed a narrative to you about yourself, and you just begin to sink down in life in order to cope and to protect yourself. I didn't know what it's like, I've been there. Of course, there were times myself, when I used to do, I used to drink a lot of alcohol, I used to take drugs, smoke weed, I used to just try to distract myself playing video games, and at one point, I even tried to commit suicide as well, because I just couldn't deal with the guilt and the shame of feeling like a bad person, and of feeling like there's nothing I can do to change, because I couldn't get this person away from me, to where I could finally start to think for myself. But yes, this is exactly what they will do to you. They keep you trapped, they suffocate you, and then they guide you, they lead you down the wrong path. They misdirect you while blaming you for it, and if you look back, you might have been with them for a few years, and it's really crazy when you think about it. Just look back at when it all started. You were very different back then. You were not thinking the way that you are thinking now. You didn't have all of this anxiety, maybe you weren't experiencing depression, so all of these things do not belong to you. You've just been around a generative person who's bringing you down, they're corrupting you, they're robbing you of your innocence, and exploiting your naivety, and turning you into something that is very different from who you actually are, and this is exactly what they will do to you if you're around them long enough. By the end of it, you will have a completely different mindset. You will begin to focus on insignificant things that you never would have noticed before, and that will become your new normal, abuse, toxic behavior, corruption. It will become normal to you, and at the same time, you will be blaming yourself, you will be taking on all of the guilt and the shame because they're not going to do that. They're not going to reflect on what they're doing to you. There's only one person in it who is going to do that, and that is you. You're the only one who's going to look at yourself and your own actions, the result of everything you've experienced, and in the end, even after everything they've done to you, it's going to be you. You are going to be the one who is feeling bad for them. You're going to be feeling the regret. It doesn't matter how long it went on for, and it is the same thing that happens every time. The victim, the target, doesn't matter what you went through or what was done to you, they're not going to take any accountability for that. It's going to be you looking at yourself, blaming yourself. Even while you may have lost everything good in your life, you're still going to be the one who has left to deal with it, which is why I most definitely do not advise calling out a narcissist. There's just no point in doing that. It's not going to solve anything. You have to remember that they have a disorder. They have something that cannot be changed or unlearned. For them, in many ways, yes, it is genetic. It's been passed down to them inherited from their parents, who may have been narcissists as well. So that is not something that could be unlearned, especially if it was something as well that was learned very early on in childhood. If it was, then there's really no going back for them. It's not something that they're going to be able to change, but for you, you will find that things can be very different for you. You don't need to call them out on what they're doing. That's not going to help or change anything. It's just going to make them mad, and then they will most likely come after you and try to destroy you. They will seek revenge, but for you, you just need to move on quietly. Don't tell them what you're thinking, what you're doing. Just move like a thief in the night. Just disappear quietly, and don't let them to know where you're going, or that you're going to maybe start a new life somewhere else. Don't reveal your plans or intentions to them. Just fade away. If you could maybe fake your own death. Just make them think that you're gone, because otherwise they're not going to like it. They're going to come after you and try to destroy you and paint you as this bad person who abandoned them. But maybe all you wanted to do is just find some freedom, just experienced life outside of their control. You cannot do that when you are around a narcissist. They're going to drag you back in. They're going to reel you in, rope you in, and once they've got you back in, they're not going to let you back out again. They're going to learn from the last time they cannot loosen the reins on you. Otherwise, you're going to go off seeking to do other things. Maybe try to build a real relationship with someone instead of just holding on, waiting for the future faking to manifest into something. And of course, they're going to be very envious and jealous of that. They don't want to see you moving on. They are not going to be happy for you. That is the last thing any narcissist wants to see. The victim going off being happy, finding someone who loves and cares about them, they do not want that to happen. It's just how it is with narcissists. Once they see you as this possession, are they instilled their suggestions and ideas within you to where you're operating from this mindset, the system of their ideals, then they feel like they own you. You're this extension of them to what they feed to you. And then they just feel like it's their pet trying to escape. You're getting away. And then if they get you back, they just want to instill those ideas in you even more. They want to bury it deep within you. To make sure that never comes out of you again. They want it to be the only thing on your mind to where you can't let go. All you can think about is what they did to you, what they taught you about yourself. Because the last thing they want you to do is to move on, define yourself and create a life for yourself. They do not want you to do that. But that is exactly what I advise you to do. Because living life from another person's operation of perspectives from their system of ideals, their false narratives, their illusions, their indoctrination, that is no life for you. And at any moment you can rewire your brain. You can learn new things. You can unlearn old things. Yes, at any moment that is a choice for you. But of course that's not going to work while you are around them. Otherwise it becomes this fight, this opposition, this constant ongoing resistance. But they're just trying to force you back in the box that they've created for you. Because if you get out of that, they lose control. They live in a delusion where they are your master. They are this person who controls you. But of course for them to do that it requires ongoing indoctrination. And why do they do it? Why do they desire so much control over you? It's because they're very insecure about their reality. Of course they know that what they're saying about you is not true. They know that it's just how they've indoctrinated you and instilled these beliefs about you within yourself. And not only that, it's because they have low self-esteem. And of course if you're not focusing on the things that they have taught you, you're going to be focusing on other things, other things that may make them feel insecure. But of course there are certain things that are insignificant to where if they get you to focus on that that's not going to make them feel insecure. And in fact, it may make them feel very comfortable because now they can blame you, they can accuse you, they can point the finger at you. And what you have to do, I mean at some point you've got to come to the conclusion. You've got to look at yourself and think, how old are you? I mean, you're an adult. You should be thinking for yourself. You should be able to live your own life. I mean, you're not a child anymore. You should be able to make your own decisions and think for yourself. You should know who you are. And it should not feel right. It should not feel comfortable. Where you constantly have another person telling you who you are, what you're about, how to think, how to live. And at times even how to feel about yourself, that is not normal. You are so much more than just an object, a puppet, a tool and appliance to make another person feel better about themselves. And when you realize that, it will be so much easier for you to move on. You will realize that yes, this person is in fact imprisoned in a world of their own making. And it's very lonely in there. So they've got to try and pull you into that so that they can feel like they're not alone and their disorder and their psychosis, they feel crazy. So they've got to make you crazy. They've got to bring you down with them because it's no fun if you're progressing, you're elevating, you're growing, you're becoming the best version of yourself. And then they're still stuck in this world, this narrative, this prison of their own making it's like there's crabs in the bucket mentality. They see you climb it out and they've got to pull you right back in so that they can feel more comfortable about themselves and their decisions and how they treated you. I mean, that's all they're really seeking, emotional stability and security, a sense of belonging to something, power and control. And they're using you as a tool to achieve that. And when you begin to catch on to the game and they may fear that you're about to expose them or call them out, that is when in their minds it's all over for you. You become a lost cause and they're ready to do you in. They're ready to finish you off after that because you're exposing the illusion, the false reality and they already know they're about to be locked in, they're about to be trapped in this box, this world that they've created. The whole point of this world is that they have to bring people into it. Otherwise it's going to feel very lonely for them. I mean, just think about it, what is the point in being so crazy, delusional and having this disorder, all of this chaos and dysfunction? How can that be any fun if you're the only one who is doing it? And yes, of course, that is how they think, which is why they're constantly seeking new supply because there's no good being crazy on your own. You can think all of these weird things in your head as much as you like, but it doesn't mean anything, it doesn't have any relevance unless you have a willing participant. And of course, that is where you or I come in to where we must willingly participate in their crazy ideas and ideals just to make them feel comfortable. We keep ourselves down in order to please them, to make them happy because you can't fight it. When you're around them, you just have to go along with the disorder with the crazy making. But sadly, by doing that, at times we often end up indoctrinating ourselves to where we adopt different beliefs. And then it's only when we finally leave that we can then focus on reversing it, rewiring our brains to accommodate ourselves rather than just accommodating them because they're constantly renting space in our minds to where there is no room left for our own genuine thought or even for our own emotions. We're just accommodating their thoughts and beliefs. We act as a vessel for their indoctrination just so they can feel comfortable. And you will notice that you will see it. I mean, this is as clear as day when you're not going along with their narrative, that disorder, that dysfunction, that chaos, they become very resistant to you then. Then they're really on you. They're trying to bring you down. They're abusing you. They're doing all of these things because as I said, they've made this world in their minds. This crazy making. And it's no fun when they're in there on their own. It's very lonely. They need a willing participant so that they can feel comfortable and sane. But yeah, sometimes you can use it to your advantage. Just act like you're going along with it. Act like you're there, right with them. You're on the same page. They will give you a bit of leeway. They will tone down on their behavior around you as long as you're going along with the narrative and you make them feel comfortable. But then don't forget to remind yourself of who you actually are and what you're about. Don't get too deep into the dysfunction. Don't fall down into the rabbit hole because once you get stuck in that, it can be very difficult to find your way out of it. But of course, watching these videos, this content that I put out, this is very helpful and beneficial to you. And in fact, yes, it will help to rewire your brain. Your thinking, your consciousness so that your thoughts move towards the right direction. You're thinking the right things. Yes, in fact, just watching my videos can be enough to do that, to completely change your way of thinking, to give you confidence in yourself by me validating you. Because of course I know you never got that from the narcissist. They never validated you. They gaslit you. But here's your validation, your closure, something that you will never get from the narcissist. But you're getting it from me right now. And I hope that it is validating for you. Just as other YouTubers videos may be validating as well. And of course, I also advise speaking to a licensed therapist that will be very helpful as well. But yes, don't call them out. It's just going to get you into even more trouble. They're never going to relate. They're never going to understand you. That would not make any sense if you were dealing with a true narcissist. They are never going to understand us. They are never going to be able to relate to us. They are never going to take accountability or look at themselves for the answers. And they are never going to give us closure or validation. We must validate ourselves. And I hope that my videos are validating as well. I hope that they give you the tools that you need to move on from this. But yes, that's all I wanted to say for this video, calling out the narcissist. I must admit that at times it has been tempting, but it's most definitely not a good idea. You have to think about the future, the consequences of those actions, how it may impact other people, and your ability to move on. It's really just not a good idea at all. And I stand by that. That is most definitely my advice. But continue to watch these videos, let it bring you the validation that you need. I'm just gonna have a shower now and get some sleep, driving up to the north of Vietnam tomorrow. Really enjoying my travels, exploring. And if you found this video helpful, you can give it a thumbs up down below. It does help to support our community. Let me know your thoughts in the comment section as well. I do read your comments every day, share and subscribe. If you'd like to book a one-on-one coaching session with me, you can book it on my website. It is Narcseviver.co.uk and check out my Instagram as well. Narcseviver YouTube and Instagram. I have new pictures and videos of my travels every day on there. So yes, that's it for this video. I hope this information was helpful. And as always, I will talk to you in another one very soon.