 What he represents is patriarchy. We're here to do work as men, as patriarchs. There's nothing more natural than being a father. Welcome back to the 21 convention, 2020 patriarchs edition here in Orlando, Florida. Your next speaker is going to be Steve the Dean Williams. When we're talking about patriarchs, this man has two sons, four daughters, and still. I make my living writing and creating content for men. This man, in my professional opinion, sets the bar for which all others are measured. His work ethic is unmatched. His content is unmatched, and the reach that he has put out into the world and the men he has helped to improve themselves and their families is unmatched. So with that, put your hands together for Steve Williams. I love you, though. How's everybody doing? How y'all doing? You know why I hold this hammer? Because I always love to talk about worthiness. And I always love to talk about my name. Because without my name, I'm nothing. And to tell you a little bit about me, I used to be a whore. I used to be a slut. I used to be a jiggalo. Hey, Texas Dom, you know, little smack on the ass and stuff. But what happened was, as I did everything I wanted to do and set out to do as a man, I got real arrogant with myself, and I felt, you know what? It's time for me to create a family. I didn't go looking for a wife, and we're going to be talking about that. But I wanted to create a family. But that came kind of second, because in order to create a family, I needed to have somebody to make the family with. I just could grab a, you know, the stork, come down, and, so to speak, give me a family. So what I want to talk to you guys about today is some of the things that I did myself to begin the process of finding a woman who was lucky enough to take my name and my ring. Now, guys, I ask you to go ahead and take notes, but also, guys, please, don't just listen to the information. Soak it up, become the information, and utilize the information to how it best suits you. Because every one of you, you're all authentic. Your fingerprint shows how authentic you are. And what we need to start doing is to show women that, you know what? You're lucky to have me. I'm the best thing going for you. You're going after my name, you're going after my ring, and what are you going to do to prove your value and your worth to me? But in order to do that, guys, the first thing you've got to do is not look for relationships. Stop looking. Stop looking. Because as soon as you begin to look for it, you put a little bit more pressure on yourself when you meet a woman because you want it so bad. And it's not bad. I don't want to shame anyone that wants a relationship, but don't look for a relationship. I'm looking for time. The first thing I am looking for is time. Yes, I love ass. You know, you can't say ass without smiling. I love ass, but I love myself that much more. Meaning that I have to set a standard for myself, not for the woman yet, but for myself. You see, one of the biggest problems a lot of men have is before you walk out that door, there's no standard. You don't know what you want. You don't know why you want it. And you have no idea how to go about getting what you want. I knew me because I love me. I stalk me every day. I mean, I go to the police station and put out restraining orders on my ass all the time. That's how much I love myself. So I had to make sure I found a woman that is worthy not only of my love, my time, but also my respect. Because I tell you, first thing, guys, throw all that love shit out the door. Let the women fall in love. Let them fall in love. I want to fall into respect. That is the one of the most important things is falling into respect. Because the respect I have for myself and my name is so important to me. She has to prove worth and value. And it's not to say that it's a one dictatorship or it's one sided. Because when she gets with me, she gets the whole amusement park. She gets the lover. She gets the man that can hold her. She gets the man that takes care of her. Mind and body. She gets a husband that knows how to handle the kids. Speaking of that, a little bit more about myself. You have six kids, nuts cut, eagles landed. Can't get anyone pregnant. I'm just joking with you. I'm fucking you out. My son's an honor roll student. My son's going to be a psychologist. He's studying psychology. My daughter, she's going ROTC. She's serving her country. She's all about her country. She is going to become a doctor. My other daughter, she's an honor roll student. And my son who's in the high school right now, he is an honor roll student. Why? Because I accept nothing less. But it's also what I expect of the woman that's going to carry my name. She has got to be the one that wanted it just as bad as me and want to carry our name to be more than what we are. I never, I mean, I went to college for a little while. I was in the military. But the thing was, I knew when it was time. But I didn't look. I knew that, you know what? I wanted to replicate me. I'm an arrogant asshole. I'm like, hell, I want another one of me. Because I knew how it felt when I was with my father. Being able to look up to my dad, little Ted, they always call me little Ted, looking up to my dad and knowing that, man, I want to be just like him. Yeah, I probably had a few posters, but my dad couldn't beat him. Son, that's how Williams eats a hamburger, son. Son, that's how Williams opens the door. Son, that's how Williams turns on the TV. So he showed me value in my name. But once I learned value in my name, I had to cultivate that. See, you just can't say I want to do and I want to be. You must be able to cultivate your name to be a fucking standard in which when a woman sees it, she sees opportunity versus option and that's what we're going to be discussing today. See, when it comes to the standard, okay, you've got to ask yourselves these questions because it's just not about relationships because if you want marriage, you've got to know relationships but you also got to know what kind of relationship do you want? What kind of marriage do you want? You've got to know about PTA meetings. Simple things like Halloween. Do you want to celebrate Halloween? Christmas, religion, politics, all these things you must have an answer to before you even walk out that door because you're going to meet a woman that might not like the things that you like and that doesn't mean you can't marry her because you don't have to be compatible with someone like that as long as she respects the name. See, on TV, they always want you to say, well, you got to find that person that connects with you. No, she's got to connect to my name, something that is rooted inside of me and once she connects to my name, she gets all the benefits of me. I mean, guys, have you met me before? I mean, come on, man, what? So, write this down. This is very important. This is very important. Get your crayons out. Write this down. Own it, stand by it. Know why and die for it. Own it, stand by it. Know why and die for it. And that is who I am and everything from my laws, my rules, my codes, my narratives, my principles, my vision statement, my legacy statement, and my mission statement. I will never waver those things for anybody because those are the things that make me who I am and those are the things that are going to make you who you are. But for a lot of you guys out there, no one's ever told you this kind of information because a lot of people don't know how to navigate relationships. We always think that, oh, my God, relationships are so hard. Oh, my God, you've got to fight. You get couples fight all the time and you've got to go to Dr. Phil or some marriage counselor. Guys, let me tell you something. It'll be 21 years that I've been married and I would say trouble. I got in trouble five times. Five times. What I mean by trouble is that all my wife wants me to do is come to bed. That's it. You know, when you get tired, come to bed. I mean, she doesn't ask too much. When you get tired, come to bed. Five times in 21 years, I fell asleep in my office. So I have to own that. Why? Because we have a mutual respect for each other that we not only have for ourselves, but we want our kids to see how mom and dad navigate because my daughters, they've got to know what to want in a man. The only way to find out what they want in a man is to see how dad is with mom. They love watching dad throw pillows at mom and chase mom around the house and more to fight and try to tickle her and all that other stuff. They love all that stuff. But my sons, they need to see how a man is as a man first and they love to watch dad hug mom, hold mom, fix her bathwater, rub her feet. They love watching dad get up and sneak away Saturday morning 30 minutes into town just to get mom's favorite apricot bread that's freshly baked. She doesn't ask me to do it. Because those are some of the things a man does. I remember one Superbowl years ago, probably 15 years ago, we were at IKEA. We were 45 minutes away. It was Superbowl Sunday. Superbowl Sunday, guys. She sees an elephant picture. She loves elephants. She saw an elephant picture. And at halftime, it was only a $3 picture. Halftime, I snuck away, drove 45 miles just to get that elephant picture. And it wasn't because I was trying to impress her. It was because there's nothing like a smile on a woman's face that knows her man truly, truly loves her and will protect her and is proud to call her wife. And that's what I want you guys to know today. Gentlemen, I want to talk about power. Because for a lot of you, we seem to give our power away to women. When it comes to power, you all are going to do two things. You're either going to maintain it or you're going to give it away. Guys, I love bodies like you. I love beautiful women. I mean, come on. We're men. We love beautiful women. But her ass and her titties are not enough for a real man. For a lot of you guys, you want the perfect woman. You want a Barbie doll. And if you want that, that's fine. But her body is not even enough to get a ticket into my house because my standard that I hold for myself is so high that I have expectations. And I'm willing to walk away. Are you willing to walk away from somebody who is disrespectful? Are you willing to walk away from somebody who has a bunch of male friends and tries to justify why she should talk to other guys? See, the funny thing about my wife is it seems like she's in time warp. She's like an armist. She should be like in the 1800s. She doesn't go on the internet except for paying bills. She does puzzles all the time. She loves puzzles. That's her thing, puzzles. Her thing is when she comes home, she cooks. She looks over the homework for the children. And she takes care of her man. Whatever a man wants. But it's not a dictatorship because she's well taken care of because she doesn't want for anything because I'm the kind of individual that knows her so well I can read between the lines. I know how she is. I know when she's happy. I know when she's sad. I know what makes her laugh. I know her favorite foods to get that I have to sneak off because she doesn't want me. She tells me never to go do it. But that wasn't the reason why I wanted her as a wife. I wanted her as a wife the first date we had. No matter fact, she pissed me off the first time we met. I saw her. She was in another office building. I saw her. I was like, hey, let's go out. She said, no, I can't. You know what I said? I don't ask twice. I walked off. I'm Steve Whitman. I don't ask twice. I don't ask nobody. Come on, man. I don't ask twice. But guess what happened? She came back and saw me because I was in the mail room at the time. I was like, I'm free. Hey, let's just go to the movies. Let's go to the movies. I should go to the movies with you. I buy the ticket. We sit down. And I was like, OK, do you want some popcorn or something? You know what she did? She pulled out her wallet, put it in my hand, and said, get what we need. Hold up. Wait, what? Get what we need? Yeah, just go ahead and get what we need. Now, for some of you, you might think it might be a trap. But when you deal with a woman that unconditionally loves and doesn't post judgment on someone and doesn't have a set of wants and needs and she's happy to be with someone, that's how she was raised. She was raised that the man is first. The man leads. The man, he is the king of the house. And not that she walks behind me. She walks beside me because I'm proud to have a wife like that. But through all this, she and I came up with a plan. And this is some things that you need to have and think about when it comes to what you want in somebody. She said to me, you know what, Steve? No weddings. I wasn't going to do that shit anyway, but she said, no weddings. I don't want to spend 20,000, 30,000 on one day to show off in front of my friends when we can take that money and invest it in a future for not only us, but our kids and our grandkids. We talked. And again, I know what I wanted. The reason I don't do weddings is because that's just materialistic to me. That's just her day of being a princess. But the problem is, because I used to be a whore, I know that when people have those big weddings and they go to their honeymoon, they don't think about tomorrow. They don't think about bills piled up and then all of a sudden the woman's talking to some other guy complaining about her husband and then what happens, there's divorce. So we don't want that. We don't want that at all. We want a bigger plan, bigger picture, five-year, 10-year, 15-year plan. You know, we started off in an apartment. Started off in an apartment. But the plan was this. We're going to get an apartment and then we're going to own a house. No, excuse me, lease a house. Then once we can afford it, we're going to own a house. Then after we own the house, we're going to build a house. So we built a seven-bedroom house. But now the kids are gone. But it gets to the next part of the plan. We only have one child at the house right now. So we're going to will that house down and find a few acres of land and we're going to build for the grandkids and the in-laws. But that was the plan all the way down the line. The plan was is that we're going to have a front, a united front. We're not going to argue and yell around the kids. Kids, even though we don't even argue and yell. I mean, the only time she yells is when the cowboys are losing. She's finally a cowboy fan. So, I mean, that's a plus in everything. But for a lot of guys out there, when you don't have a sense of self, unfortunately a lot of you guys do what I call crumb snatching. And crumb snatching is when you get with a woman and you let her dictate and navigate your relationship. Give you an example. You got a way for her to tell you, well, I'll think about it. Let's see. I don't know. I'll get back to you. Maybe. And some of you guys don't even realize how important your time is. And some of you guys accept bad behavior. Do you know what I always tell you? We've all worked in a company before. And what is so special about a company? A company has a standard. The company will pay you and have you work for it. But it's not going to change what it is for you. They have mission statements of who they are. This is what we believe in. We have vision. We know what we want. And you know what we love to hire you. The only thing you can negotiate is price. How much you get paid an hour. Everything else, they're going to tell you what it is. This is what I expect of you. This is when you come in. This is when you take lunch. And if you get out of order, you're going to get written up first. Well, first it might be a warning. Then you get written up. And then after that you're gone. Before they even accept the job, the company automatically knows what they expect of that person. But for most of us, we don't know what we expect. How can we know we expect when we don't know ourselves? We don't know what we want. We don't know even how to ask for what we want. But that goes back to owning your statements. Everything that comes out of your mouth, every statement that you make, you must be able to back that statement up. Know why you're saying it. And be willing to walk away because we don't have to agree. Listen, I don't ever want my wife to do anything that she doesn't want to do. I can't force you. Because if you force a woman to do something that she doesn't want to do, that shit is going to come back and bite you in your ass. Can't do that, gentlemen. You have to know when you begin to walk out that door, you must be that company. I am the company. But not only am I the company, what is meeting a woman to me or dating? What is it to me? Because they're two totally different things. Guys, I won't say you, but you know people that get in a relationship with somebody. They go right from meeting them. They go to dating them. They get straight into a relationship, moving together. Maybe get married, maybe have kids and shit just falls apart. And then they tell you, well, you know what? Well, you know that's how couples are. They're supposed to fight. They're supposed to get along. There's no marriages that are really healthy. They don't say this. It's not real. That's fake. Bullshit. As a Williams or as your last name, because I want to talk to you as individuals and not a collective because each and every one of you, you're unique in your own way and you've got to navigate the world how you see fit. See, I'm not here to tell you how to think. I'm not here to give you the weapons on the motherfucking table so you can grab what you need, decode the information I give you and upload it and encode it into yourself that you stand by, non-negotiable contracts that you make with yourself. You have to love her, love her body, love her smile, love her personality, love everything about her, but you got to love your goddamn self that much more than sometimes, guys, you got to make tough decisions. You got to make tough decisions, but even in that, this is not a dictatorship because I don't want y'all to think it's just got to be my way, the highway. Yo, I looked to her, hey, she's my accountant. She does my account for me. But you know what? I look at the books. She does all the accounting, but you know what? Every, I think every Friday or Saturday, we still go out to eat every Friday or Saturday for 20, well, 20.5, 20 and a half years. We still go out as if it was our first day. You want to know why? Because I want to show our appreciator. I know when she's having a long day, she doesn't want to cook what she wants to cook. I know she wants to cook, but you know what I tell her? I catch her, I beat her to the pass and I get her favorite meal already waiting for her, so she doesn't have to cook because she knows in her mind I've got a duty and my duty is to my husband and my family regardless of how I feel. You see, what I'm saying to you guys is that you want a woman money can't buy. You want a woman that looks to all the things that a man is and goes beyond that point of not necessarily saying that, okay, he's got to have a chisel body and all that other Kim Kardashian bullshit that some of these women are doing. You need somebody that's what we call ride or die, somebody that's going to be with you when you're sick, someone that's going to love you and hold you where you might need to be held because sometimes we need to be held, you know what I mean? And someone that's going to appreciate you and show the world that you know what, I represent this man. That's what you want. Somebody that's going to represent you even when you're not around. That means by the way she dresses, the way she behaves, she has got to be a representation of me. That's how you catch my eye and make me realize that you're worth my time at this point because I can meet women, meeting women is that that ain't nothing but finding someone to give your name to, you don't give that, you just don't give that part away to somebody. She's got to earn that. She's got to earn it. And I know this might be a woman, probably listen, oh my God, I don't give a fuck what you think. She's got to earn that shit. I'm a goddamn Williams. I don't give my shit away like Halloween candy. Fuck that. No. You have to show me that you can slay the goddamn Minotaur, take his head to Mount Kilimanjaro, bring your ass back down and cook me a goddamn meal. And that's just the beginning because my standards are set so high because I know the value of myself gentlemen. You see, in order for you to have a great wife or a great woman, you've got to know what it means to be a great man because at that point you set a standard that nobody else can touch because you're the standard. You're the rule, the law, the code. It's all about you. And she's, when she feels that she's around a real man, she will submit. She will submit because she sees the long haul. She sees the value in you. She wants to be with somebody that loves himself so much that he is willing to stand on his principles and not bend or break for somebody just because she might want to dress and she doesn't get to dress, she's going to withhold sex and all that silly shit that people are doing today. Uh-uh, not happening at all. You see, I want also an after-woman. That's something I want. I call it an after-woman. What is an after-woman? It is after we get done doing something, she keeps moving on. Let's say after she rubs my back, she might go into the kitchen and bring me something to drink. I don't ask her to do that. She wants to do it because she knows that if I'm rubbing her back, she doesn't have to ask me. I do for her without even having to ask. I love giving her massages. As a matter of fact, my problem is, if there's anything she's mad about, is that when I looked at her, I didn't look at what she is today that I saw her. I looked at what she was going to be 40, 50 years from now. I looked at somebody and I could see where she's going because I don't know, I've got this thing for old ladies like white hair. I think I find that like sexy, I'm weird and shit. I don't know what they call it, a gift, instead of a milk. I don't know, don't judge me, motherfucker. I'm just being honest with you. But no, I'm just saying that I looked beyond that point, but it just wasn't her body because gentlemen, you have to understand something. If you have children, her body is going to change. I'm telling you right now. Yes, she can work out and she can do all those things, but her body is going to make a change because if you love, care and respect somebody, you have to go beyond the body and the looks. That's why I always make it about personality. And I'm not saying get a mud duck, something like 300 pounds like hey, let me get that shit. I know 200, 300 pound defensive tackle for the cowboy type woman. No, if you want that, if that's your thing, yeah, I mean do that. But I want somebody to know what I am. I want to laugh too. What's so funny? I want to laugh too, man. It's so funny. I'm just saying guys, that's what you want. You want an after woman, a woman that does things without you having to ask. But remember, you've got to be the kind of man to do things without her having to ask. You know what? I don't mind doing laundry because as a man, I did that myself. I can pick up the, you know what? When I know there's things that need to be done, I do them. I don't, you don't have to ask me. I just do them because we are working together as a unit. It is her and I verse the world. Okay? Next thing I want to talk about is what I call the four s's. Four s's. Submit, serve, sex, and shh. I'm explaining shh in a second. I don't say that one for last. But I'll say it again, the four s's. Submit, serve, sex, and shh. Submitting to me is submitting to my name and submitting to my way that I'm running the household. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but God damn it, I feel like I'm close. You can't tell me any different. And because of that, I'm going to run the household the way I see fit as a man. Sure, if there's a question, and it's not that she cannot say anything, but she knows how I like to lead. I'm a leader. I like to get things done. I like to take care of things. Now, there are things that I will dole off to her. She loves the school aspect, taking care of the kids. She loves going to the PTA meetings. She loves being involved with the school. She loves going up to the school, and when they're having water balloon fights and all the other stuff, she loves to donate. That's her jam. So if you love to do it, by all means do it. Yes, I'll show up on occasion, but I've worked so much, it's kind of hard to do it, but she picks up the slack. Wherever I'm down, she picks up the slack. Now, serving me is no different than you serving her, but you've got to ask yourself, what is serving me to me first? What is a woman that serves you? What is it to you? Not to me, but you have to ask yourself, what is it for a woman to serve you? Because some women say, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. You got me fucked up. I'm not doing that. Man, get the fuck out of here. You go, hey, look, hey, look, you'll be a booty call. You can't get my name talking like that. Because whatever I ask of you, I'm going to do. It's not like it's going to be a one-sided thing. Okay? Sex? Boy, I don't understand it, but I have needs. I have needs. And if my needs are not met, there's a problem. We got to talk. Never had that problem before, but these are things that I discussed before we even started in a relationship. I tell, I'm drama-free. I'm a big-ass kid. I love Star Trek. Hell, I even watch SpongeBob. This is our little secret job. I watch SpongeBob here and there. I love Squidward and shit, fuck that. I'm a big-ass kid. I play video games. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I'm just a big-ass kid. I just play my video games. That's just my drug of choice. That's my drug of choice. But with that being said, she knows me. You've got to let her know you. But you have to know you before you let her know who you are. This is who I am. This is what I am. And you're going to have to accept me for what I am because I'm not changing who I am. Because this is the thing you fell in love with. This is the thing you started to admire. And if you have a problem with what I am, then there's a problem with us because I don't feel that I have to change myself to please you. The next thing. She was important. Because she means respect my space. Respect my friends and respect my hobbies. That's all that she's about. Not her sitting in a corner being quiet like a little child or anything like that. See a lot of you guys feel like you get with a woman and all of a sudden she wants to take everything away from you and that's immature and oh you shouldn't do that. But wait a second, you don't know what a man is. How can you tell me what I should be doing? You don't know what a man is. But you have to again own it. Stand by it. Fight it so bad. Fight and die for that. That means that I love it so much that I'm not changing it. If it's not doing any harm to you or us, then you know what? I don't see any problem with it. But the thing about women when they don't see man in you when they don't respect you they feel that they can dictate and tell you exactly what they want you to be. I don't see that because sometimes maybe we didn't have dad in our home. Okay? And some of us, maybe dad was in the house but he was the one on the couch hey son happy wife happy life don't make mom mad oh you know how it is son you know dad just sleeps on the couch sometimes dad's tired and all the other stuff just because dad's in the household doesn't mean he's dad. As men you have got to set the standard you have got children that are going to look up to you to be the standard and be the way of how they manage their lives with their relationships. They're watching your every move even when you know they're not watching. I mean I discuss I do this thing where she gets close to the cupboard and I say come on let me talk to you and I push her in the cupboard and you know I start kissing on her and I say oh god dad y'all stop that that's disgusting he knows that dad loves mom dad cuts from mom that mom doesn't mom doesn't have to want for anything. I love it when she's sick not to say in a bad way but I love taking care of her I love taking care of her because I know when I'm not feeling well I can take care of myself but she does things for me without even asking that's how we are we just do things for each other because we know each other but in order for you to do that you've got to know you first and it's not just saying well I think I know me no what makes you you what makes you tick what makes you happy what hurts you. Now here's the thing about hurt that I want to tell you guys listen it's nothing wrong laying up on your woman and chilling. I love to hey I just finally have a love for the food network and to do it yourself like flip or flop or whatever because those are her shows I've watched that shit so much I started liking it I was like come on baby let's go out and watch Tosh.0 she likes Tosh she likes to flip or flop and she loves the chops or any of those food network shows and we just sit there and just lounge and watch TV but we also communicate we just talk like we're best friends we talk about everything but she also talk shit to me which is cool she's played a few pranks on me you know there was one time I was sleeping and she painted my nails pink told me to go to Walmart there's other times she smacked me on my butt and put a picture of my brother-in-law on my butt and told me to go to the store I mean she does that kind of stuff now I don't get her back if I wasn't going to get her back I would probably do a laxative in her brownie or something like that but I'm not that kind of guy what I'm saying is this what's important here let me see here is for all you guys out there communication is very important and what I mean communication is when you are in that phase of the relationship relationship is not the same as dating don't mix the two see a lot of people just mix everything as one and navigate it ask yourself what is a relationship to me what is a relationship to me and write down five hardcore rules for yourself this is what a relationship is to me this is what I demand out of my partner if they want a relationship because we're going towards her getting the opportunity for my last name and my ring but you and every one of you won't have the same answer you're supposed to know what it is you want out of a relationship and it is very important to be able to communicate what you want with your partner to see if the two of you are compatible see a lot of us forget about compatibility we think compatibility means she's got to be a republican now I've got to be a republican same religion and all the other stuff it doesn't have to work that way because she can be I'm not a democrat she's not even thank God we love Trump but she hates Michael Jackson I don't know why maybe it's that kid thing I like Mike but I don't know but anyway the thing is when it comes to a relationship what is a relationship to me and you have to be sit down to her say don't go forward what is a relationship to you and you compare notes and if y'all have some things you have to negotiate or discuss there's no compromising there are negotiables but there's no compromising never compromise your standard for somebody you don't have to compromise because you're just in a relationship phase you don't need to change the best parts of you because she hasn't even proven of your time yet I didn't say your name I didn't say your love I didn't say your respect your time she's got to be worthy of my time but once we get in a relationship and I decide okay you know what it's time for us to live together I want to move in I want to get a place now I'm telling you what I do and I'm going to tell you why because I know my why's now you don't have to do this when we moved in both of us got a joint bank account now please don't walk up and leave just give me a second guys I know y'all are saying what the fuck are you talking about why the hell you do that the reason I got a joint bank account is because if the bills came up to a thousand dollars okay and I'm not talking about her bills I'm talking about electricity entertainment rent water then the necessities what the fuck came up to we were put out of my half in that bank account and she put her half in the bank account my money is my money your money is your money so that was just my why I did it because I needed to make sure can't she handle money is she wasting her money cause I can't be with a woman that wastes her money buying goddamn shoes and all that shit nah I don't want no one like that cause that's going to trickle over to me to pay your own gas I expect you to be an independent person cause that's the kind of woman I want I want someone who is independent as well okay but once we get past that relationship phase we're living together I'm not going to stay in too long this is where you have to ask yourself the question how long do you want to be with someone to know that she's wife worthy because the one thing I don't want to do with a woman I don't want to waste my time I don't want to give her an idea we're four years in and I'm not even married to you yet we're just living I don't want to waste your life cause I don't want to waste my life my time is just as important but we got to sit down and have the pow wow yeah I like for you to be my wife but let's talk we got to have a talk and the talk isn't about her and I the talk is about understanding of we are going to be a front and what is Halloween do we celebrate Halloween yeah I'm a big kid yeah we're going to celebrate Halloween matter of fact I even wear a costume that's how much I love big ass kids but we celebrate Halloween Christmas what is Christmas going to be like birthdays college these are things that you need to discuss with that the partner that you're with that you want to marry because you want to be absolutely sure that she is on the same page as you because remember you're going after my name and you're going after my marine what are you bringing to the table that separates you from all the other women man she brings so much to the table because she's so laid back she just comes home and just goes and does her post she just loves post you know the biggest problem I have with her is the fact that she doesn't ask for shit my biggest problem is her birthday Christmas Valentine's Day she doesn't ask for anything no I got everything I'm fine I'm good I appreciate it damn can I get you something what do you want no I'm fine I'm fine you don't have to do it we're fine but see when you have someone that loves you and loves your name and loves the fact that you know who you are you see gentlemen you are the standard you see weddings and relationships work and fail at your doorstep if you look at your friends and you look at people right now and you see the divorce rate and all that other stuff just look at the couples man there is this thing that's pissed my cake ass off man I can't stand going on YouTube and hearing motherfuckers bitch tell you don't get married don't have kids stay away from women ah women are terrible man fuck them and if y'all listening out there fuck y'all not you guys but I'm serious though because there are people out there that want to stop manhood at all costs there are people out there that want to stop you from being the kings that you are you are king at birth and y'all don't even know it did you know when your mom met your dad y'all mean and they got together you won you beat out millions of billions of your brothers and sisters to reach the egg you had determination you had drive you had passion you had desire you didn't take any time off you didn't bitch you didn't whine you didn't moan you didn't complain you just got to the god damn egg and you won but unfortunately for a lot of you men somewhere along the way we forget who we are and somewhere along the way we think that women are special when we not we're not special some a long way away I guess because of TV media and things like that they try to tell you that you know what there's something wrong with you you're not allowed to be a man anymore you're not allowed to put your foot down you're not allowed to have a standard you're not allowed to teach your boys how to be boys but one thing that was great about my wife my wife knew that she had to cut the umbilical cord around six seven years old she cut what I call the umbilical cord the cut is that she knew my boys are gonna be daddy's boys or daddy's young men around six or seven they loved it they loved mom but she knew and when they got around six or seven oh hey look you can hug mom play with mom do all this shit you want to do but when you get six or seven oh you coming back on this side of the street because at this point you're gonna learn how to be a motherfucking man now my daughters same thing they love their mom but I have to teach my daughter's standards and her mom teaches them as well because my daughters are gonna treat their men the way their mom treated dad it's like we got a plan of attack I'm not telling my boys not to love their mom love your mom but you are no longer to relate to mom and some of us still relate to mom unfortunately because we still have mom telling us how to do our furniture or that girl is not good enough because mom doesn't like that girl and all this other stuff and sometimes as a man you got to be able to talk and respect your mother but you got to tell the woman that held you in your stomach mom I'm a man now you got to respect me I'm not your boy anymore I don't live in your house anymore when I lived in your house I had to live by your standards but I don't live there anymore mom I love you but allow me to be the man that I need to be but unfortunately today a lot of these young boys still have the umbilical cord attached to mom and they're grown men and what they do is they yank that umbilical cord out and they look for a YouTuber that represents mom in a man or a male and they take the umbilical cord out of mom and stick it into a YouTuber that tells them that you know what don't get married anymore marriage is terrible because if you get married let's go our own way what the fuck are y'all going let's go our own way let's do our thing I mean I got this shit called no flap it's like telling you not to jerk off or some shit like that fuck is that about now I always laugh at my wife and tell her she laughs I say baby the way it's going man I have to know flap 10 years from now they'll be like suck a dick and these guys will be like okay I'll suck a dick because some YouTube told me to do that stupid shit what I'm saying to you guys is that you have to cut you love yourself you love who you are you love your family you create a bond that goes beyond you guys if y'all don't know me I've got two pictures of me sitting on thrones like there were paintings I got two people painting now I'm getting the third one me with a horse and shit like I'm a colonial shit but don't judge me I just like that shit but I've got two paintings on my wall and you know what my sons so they can pass them down to their sons because I've always wanted to be that guy you know on the fireplace looking all regal and shit when the kids like hey that's my great-great-great-granddad Jeopardyne Williams and shit he's a motherfucker don't judge me I'm serious I'm serious that's my thing I want to pass something down I'm passing down love to my kids I'm passing down knowledge I'm passing down daddy loves you I'm passing down your standard as a man and your standard as a woman because I hope my daughters just like I hope my sons my daughters know you better be the same way you are when dad's not around because dad don't play that shit but they already know I don't even have to tell them because my girls have a standard because they you know what it's how cold it is we don't even have to yell at them we're disappointed and that kills them you know yell and scream and you're just disappointed oh it kills them because they understand that you know what my parents really love me and sometimes they will fuck up kids are gonna fuck up we all fucked up right we did shit that we ain't proud of I can't tell you the shit I did with the monkey and the donkey and shit I'm just joking with y'all but no I'm just saying there are things that happen there's a hammer and in my mind I always sit it down like that in front of me I take a step back and for any woman that is lucky enough to be in my presence that tries to go after my name she's gotta lift it because this hammer is my name it is who I am it's what I encompass it's what I embody is she worthy enough to lift this hammer is she worthy enough to hold my name and represent me as the man I know I am because I'm gonna do all the things for you because you will be my queen but you must respect me as your king and understand that we're gonna create something that nobody they I'm talking about I love taking walks with them we do we're like the weird family in the neighborhood because we don't fight we don't argue and when they were kids put them in a stroller take them to the park play with the kids spend time with the kids we were always the y'all know when y'all were young there was always that house that everybody the hangout house that you always know that when shit goes wrong they go hang out there they got all the fun toys and stuff well that was part of the plan I want to watch my kids I don't have to worry about drinking and all the other stuff but I want to watch my kids so I formulated a plan we'll create a game room we'll have the parties at our place wine because not only can I watch our kids are not watching them and that's how men do we look beyond what we are and what I want to say in closing because we want to do some questions I'm proud of you guys because you guys want to do something you know the value of who you are and you're ready to take the next step in the next chapter in your life you're ready to find someone that is worthy enough so you can pass on your seed just like your great-grandfather did for your dad and so on and so forth that's what makes you great men and that's why I'm proud to stand above you and say I appreciate you men because not too many people out there want marriage because they feel it's bad the only thing that's bad in the world is those that are trying to prevent you from passing on your name your legacy and your bloodline I want to say thank you guys I appreciate you all now if you got any questions we got 10 minutes any questions guys okay I'm going to divorce father myself yes I'm in the process of looking right now yes to do it again that's the right way how much did you take into consideration who she was when you met her and who she was like her history okay this is very important never judge a woman off of what she used to be to somebody else judge her off of how she treats you don't ever I'll say it again don't ever judge a woman on how she was with somebody else because if I like I don't eat hey I don't eat and text shit for me that doesn't work that way no stop judging women judge a woman on how she treats you how she loves you how she respects you I don't care about what she did to the next man because I'm not the next man so if you have a child and this is very important I want to see how she is as far as children go if you have a son or a daughter that's the test what are you like with little Timmy or whatever you know little kid whatever you just say little Timmy you know I mean yeah me how your kid is how is she going to be around him does she do things that I don't have to ask her to do does she involve him does she ask questions about schooling how's the school work what can I do for him those are the things I want to look for in a woman not just a body and not just sex yeah um so I found it kind of interesting I've been married a couple years and now you're saying your wife doesn't ask for anything I kind of find myself in that with my wife and it's probably a stupid question I'm asking and asking it too late how did you figure out how to like do things for your wife I think it was in that serve that one of the asks is yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah how to do things for the wife yeah how'd you figure out how to like meaningfully serve your wife observing observing see when I know see she's a vegetarian so that okay all the beach is out of the way so she loves that tilapia salad that seared tuna i.e. tuna salmon she likes the Hawaiian tuna I mean she just likes a lot of those kind of things I know her favorite bread I know she loves elephants I bought I bought her E or she still think I stole from Toys R Us I don't know why she thinks that because I went I went behind the store to get it out for but that didn't make me a thief I just went around back to get an E but I know but I'm just saying that you study your wife study your habits but one thing I want you to do is send her the text send her a text message just out of the blue saying I love you flowers out of the blue for no reason she bouquets for no reason because every day to us is Valentine's Day and a birthday anyway so I want to do things on the non-holidays and then we just chill doing the holidays so just study her okay and do things for her just a matter of fact when you get off right now send your woman a message tell her I miss you send me a photo let me just see the woman I'm in love with so I can tell her why I married her in the first place send that to her right now she's gonna wield her up she'll be like oh my god I appreciate it alright thank you sir can you hear me I'm also a divorced father and I've been dating couple years several women right now in the process of dating certain women and I have a question on how do you know what really what do you really like because I like some characteristics in once and some I don't so if I can take pieces from each of the women I'm dating I don't want you to Frankensteiner don't cut her arm off just touch it over here don't Frankensteiner how did you find out in yourself what is you looking for because I asked myself what I want see we don't think we're allowed to ask ourselves what we want and what we expect you have to know what you want before you can go and go out there that's what I'm saying if one woman is this way and one woman is that way then this is where you gotta let them know that okay what are the bad behaviors versus the good behaviors you know that you're saying some women you wish you could take piece of them right what is the one over here doing what is she doing is there yelling screaming or is there disrespect what's going on that makes them different I'm asking you you're asking me one likes to argue I cut her off because she would but it's hard to tell it's hard to tell it's hard to tell if it's like a test if she's testing me if I'm man enough she likes to argue sex is great okay that's like that's like text coming over and punching me in my face and then saying come on over for some stinks later and they keep punching me in my face and they have to you've got to love yourself enough to walk away as a man before you walk out that door you gotta say no and you gotta learn how to walk away because if you can't do that see you're in it for the sex you're not in it for the respect because you're not falling in love to respect not love yeah she's gotta be out she's allowed what I call because I'm a Trekkie the Captain Kirk rule you let her know this can't happen anymore and not just this can't happen anymore if it happens again we're done but remember why you just don't tell them shit you tell her why because I'm not going to allow you to disrespect me in my fucking castle don't say fucking but I'm just saying I'm just with the fellas and shit I respect you and I don't care how good that booty is you better get your ass out of my house I don't play that because I can replace you anyway because you're not special right now because I haven't placed any value in you to call you my woman yet yeah it's gonna be tough I love you man you get on the phone and tell her you gotta have that talk with her ass when you get home you let her know we gotta have a little pow wow and then she act right and pop that ass from me tell me something about the standards that you were talking about teaching to your children are they a core set of standards that you teach to both the boys and the girls or are there specific ones that go to each well it's a little bit of both because I have some non-negotiables that there's only one tell my daughters there's only one man that loves you there's daddy these boys are bad the boys are bad but I have to accept as a guy that my daughters are going to date boys but that doesn't mean that mother can't go to my house now I don't need to put my gun on the table because they already know I'm crazy I mean don't we don't want to you know we want to go to police tell them Steve say crazy I don't want to get your but I'm just saying that I will I have a standard but as far as different things I treat my girls not with kid gloves but I teach them about life I don't want to I don't want to give them that sunshine and rainbow the world is beautiful and things like that I talk to my girls we communicate my doors always open no judgments you talk to me but my boys oh I'm harder on them oh I'm way harder on them because I expect them to hold the name and carry the name see my girls when they get married they're going to lose the name but my boys they're my carry of when I'm gone they got to carry the name over but they got to have a standard for themselves you know they already yes thank you and please they are very respectful you get your grades do your work and I don't reward kids because they do a good job at school I reward them because I love them and I want to do that but shit you better get those grades right so yeah but yeah standards a little bit different but sometimes the same man alright thank you yes anybody else alright let's give it up one more time for Dean no give it up to you guys what he represents is patriarchy we're here to do work as men as patriarchs there's nothing more natural than being bothered