 Oh hi! Oh fuck! Oh hi! Didn't see you there. So, you've decided to leave Doctor Who. It's understandable. You'll find new acting opportunities elsewhere. Except you didn't read the small print of your contract did you? Well, let me be the first to welcome you to the weird and wacky world of Doctor Who Road. Okay Bradley, cut. Right, yeah, so what's the off button? Thank you Bradley. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, why have I been forcibly imprisoned here? A valid question that I'll get a familiar friend to answer for me. When starting the show, you would have signed a contract of employment, which you almost certainly didn't read before signing. Take a little look at it now, right at the bottom in the tiniest, tiniest little print imaginable. You'll see it says, when employment ends, my permanent residence will hereby be Doctor Who Road. I know I didn't see it when I read it. Each doctor lives in their own flat, and all their companions live together in their own flat. And the villains and whatnot, they live in a bin or something. Look, try not to think too hard about it. I am aware of what a ludicrous concept this is. So ludicrous in fact, that if anyone takes it even remotely seriously, you should keep a fair distance away from them. So what's it like here I hear you ask? Well, as you have every Doctor Who actor under the sun under one roof, you can imagine it's quite adventurous. But don't take it from me, take it from your new neighbors. Well, I'll give this place credit when it's due. I'm still alive, and that's pretty neat. And I get to look after dear children here, and you'll appreciate that, don't you sort of. John Pertwee and I had the genius idea of merging our two rooms together, meaning we have double the space. More than anyone else in the road, we're brilliant, we've moved in together and I'm so excited. Oh, I didn't know you two were gay. Congratulations. What? This place has some excellent Wi-Fi. I mean, granted, the trade-off is total imprisonment for life. Oh, and the constant threat of death. Hell, my good friend Anthony Amby was taken away from me in this very road. I still don't know what's happened to him. Still worth it for excellent speed. Okay, Chippin'l, can you pay me now? I'm not doing this. There is nothing you can offer me. What? Sorry, how much in funding? Hi, I'm Colin Baker. Come and bring a dear here at the unit. Oh my god, Doctor Who Road. The best. Five stars on Yelp. Oh god, I'm a sell-out. Alistair wouldn't have sold out. Shut up, Bracewell. Myself and Ace don't have a lot of play in the action these days, but we are always pleasant for it. Only so we can blow shit up. Quite so, but you would expect us to be more on a part of the action. As we are a favourite Doctor of, you know who. But we are treated as just comic relief. Yeah, but it stops us being horribly maimed or psychologically wounded in any way, which happens more often than you think from just a block of flats with some actors in it. Davros, you will not have heard the time war. You've failed once already. Yes, I know I have. That's why I will get it right this time. Because if I don't, I don't know what I'll do with myself. You're out there, buddy. Ready to do the advert? Go away, triple. Oh, fuck off, Chibbers. I'm not doing it. Oh, come on, Chris. Even Big Finish can book you these days, and I can't get you for this. Don't worry. I'll talk for him. Hi. Moff out here, and let me just tell you, this place, it's been amazing. The things I've done. You all should know by now, with me. Besides, the only person who can kill me. I go this far. I wanted control, and I decided I'd do anything to get it. I'm returning soon. Kneel before your writer. I said, that in hell is this not your natural state. Okay, look, I know we like a good reference around here, but stop being low-key and out- Stop talking. You're going to need something a little bit more powerful to break my first gift. But the things I'm going to do. Oh, by the way, Chris, I've got an idea for Rose's birthday present. Why do we have to do ours together? I thought you two were friends. Shovel doesn't get up with current events. So what's this, semi-life interview, and then we get what we want? What were you promised? Well, you don't want to know. How about you? A new switch, as the last one was broken. I'm sure you record. Oh, we are not doing this again. Oh, that's it. Go on, go, leave me alone. You know, we're going to have to face this sooner or later. So, Doctor Who wrote, full of fun and merriment. I have literally been blinded in this world by the rubbish that goes on. So trust me, when I say that you have made a very big miss. So don't fret. I know life imprisonment sounds daunting, but have fun.