 when the narcissist apologises to you, when they express regret for something that they've done wrong, when they offer an apology or excuse for some fault, insult or failure, when a normal person apologises to you, it's because they feel regret or guilt for what they have done. They can see the effects that it is having on you, they have empathy, they are able to understand and share your feelings. It's very different with the narcissist, when the narcissist apologises to you, it's out of their concern for their own welfare and interests. An apology from a narcissist is a self-seeking behaviour and it has nothing to do with them feeling regret or guilt for what they have done. It has nothing to do with them recognising how their actions have affected you. It can be very confusing when the narcissist apologises to you, it makes them seem more complex or less easier to understand. They use apologies as a way of restoring the relationship or their engagement with you to its original condition before they made the fault, insult or failure. They use apologies to start over again and put an end to any bad feelings which may have resulted from certain things they have said or done to you. They want you to forget about that. They don't want you to focus on their negative aspects because that's going to get in the way of them getting what they want from you. What they have learned from studying people who might be normal or healthy is that apologies can help to further manipulate and deceive their targets. If they give you a mistaken impression and cause you to believe something that is not true, it means that they can still get what they want. Despite what they might have said or done to you, they will even tell you what they're apologising for. They will have this fake epiphany where they suddenly realise what they've done wrong. They suddenly realise how they've affected you and now they want to make amends. Now they want to compensate or make up for a wrongdoing. They make it very believable. It makes you want to give them another chance but if you do believe in them and give them another chance this will get you into a lot of trouble. The narcissist is only apologising to put an end to your feelings of hurt and resentment towards them. It's not because they have any care or concern for you. It's all about relieving their worry, nervousness or unease and it does make things very difficult for them. It does make things very inconvenient if they need something from you or if they want you to do something for them. If you're mad they have to put in a lot more work to make you happy. The easiest way for them to deal with that is by giving you a fake apology. They don't have any care or concern for you. It's just so they can keep you under their control and continue to use you. They're not sorry for what they've done. They just don't want to lose their level of significance and importance to you. They're apologising to you because there's still more for them to get out of you. You're still a good source of supply. You're still able to attend to their needs. The more valuable of a source you are to them the more likely it is that you will get a fake apology because they're not done with you yet. They still want to keep you around. They're not sorry. They're not concerned with how their actions have affected you. The only thing they're concerned with is losing their advantages or benefits from being with you because they put so much time and effort in grooming you to be in their source of supply. So the last thing they want to see is all of their time and effort going to waste. When they apologise to you it's just to make you comply with their wishes or commands again. It's just to keep you following their agenda so they can continue extracting what they need from you. Their apology is just to get you to comply. That's really all it is and that is why they can apologise to you and you can discuss what they did wrong and how it affected you but then they'll go and do the exact same thing again and again because they really don't care. They really don't have any concern for you as long as the narcissist is still as use for you as long as they can still get something out of you they will continue to play the part that you expect to see from them fake apologies, fake epiphanies, future faking whatever you want to hear whatever will help them to maintain their position with you you might mistake it as them actually having some concern or interest in you but it's just to keep the transactions going they've managed to get a constant flow of exchange from you so the last thing they want to see is that diminishing in strength or quality an apology to a narcissist is nothing more than a tactic which they use to influence and control you it keeps you trapped it keeps you expecting things to change but nothing ever changes because they're just using the apology to prolong a favourable situation they're just using it to buy time so they can continue getting what they want from you it doesn't mean that they care about you and that is why you will notice that no matter how many times you apologise no matter how many times they apologise they always go back to how they were before nothing ever improves because their apology isn't about them having a genuine concern or interest in how their behaviour is affecting you their apology is nothing more than a self-serving self-seeking behaviour to preserve the position that they have with you thank you for watching I hope this video resonated with you please like, comment, share and subscribe click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos if you are lighted tonight my paypal link is in the video description coaching inquiries, you can email me I'd like to have a coaching at joomah.com thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon