 Oh, that was bright. I have new glasses and they're the right description. I haven't had proper glasses fitted for five years now. I've still been in Lancashire when I last had my eyes tested and I was under the age of 19. I've never paid for an eye test so that'll actually give some indication as to the fact that I don't ever get my eyes done. Which I should and I had to start doing. I had to get my eyes done because I'm diabetic. They're neat, aren't they? Please go check out this Instagram account. This is the woman who did my nails because of the current lockdown. She's doing stick on nails and they amazing so link in the description. I highly recommend you go check them out. Honestly. Also, I've never had nails like that I can do this with. So it has been a hot minute since I filmed a video. I'm aware and I'm sorry. I did plan on... I was planning on returning to YouTube at the start of the year but I have been getting used to new medication which I did mention a mass life update. I started Haloparadol last month and today I want to talk to you about this because I did a search on YouTube for my experience with Haloparadol because a lot of the time you can find personal experiences with medication. If you type in my experience with venal vaccine, if you type in my experience with antipsychotics, something always comes up but what came up with Haloparadol wasn't good. Every single video I saw and that I clicked on that I watched was a negative negative video on a medication that's actually really successful. Now I'm not going to sit here and say that it has no side effects. Haloparadol is a first-generation antipsychotic. Okay, it's an old medication so yes, the side effects are more brutal than say, cryptiopean. But for some of us, me included, cryptiopean is a waste of everything. I am going to be the one that sits here and does a positive video talking about Haloparadol. I started on Haloparadol in December so it's been over a month. I'm coming upon two months actually. I'm seeing my psychiatrist Monday to increase the dose and potentially come off my antidepressant and switch me to a mood stabilizer because we've all finally realized that antidepressants make Lydia manic as fuck. That's why I've never made a video talking about my experience with antidepressants because I don't have any positive experiences. Yeah, positive experience with Haloparadol. Haloparadol is a first-generation antipsychotic, as I said. It is used to treat any variety of things, mania, psychosis, delirium, Tourette. It's used a lot in mental health and in neurological health. I take it morning and night and I will say this, it does not make me sleepy in the slightest. And yes, I take sleeping tablets as well because sleep is important. I'm prescribed it. I'm prescribed Haloparadol to manage my symptoms that are psychotic, so hearing voices and seeing things like shadows that are moving around the walls that look like people that really can't be there but hey. And some of you probably don't know this but last month I actually did come quite close to being sectioned because I was hearing voices and seeing things which don't really know what to say on that other than it sucked. I actually stood my ground with things for once and I was like, this can be managed if we change my antipsychotic because I've previously been on Pypixel as a depot. I've been on puttypha. Alansapine is just a drug we don't talk about. And now I'm on Haloparadol again. This is the second time I've been on Haloparadol. I used to take liquid form when I was younger, so I used to struggle with tablets. Now I have 13 prescriptions and 13 tablets a day. Minimum a day. Sometimes more. So where? I can do tablets now. Some antipsychotics don't come in the form of liquid and that means that people can't take them. Haloparadol is one that comes in. I've learned that with my antidepressant it sends me very high. Mania is such a hard thing to explain it's like everything is going great until you start crashing and then it's a massive fall down and you go straight back up and you feel on top of the world and then crash. It's so hard to explain that it's such an intense emotion. I'm on it because hi I'm bipolar, I have been since I was 13 years old and now I'm 23. I started on Haloparadol because I was hearing voices that was the main symptom that I had and it was really affecting me. I was honestly, I just wasn't in a good place. I don't want to go into like the ins and the outs of what I'm not here to give people ideas on how they can end themselves. Let's just say I had a lot of really strong impulses and the means of carrying out said impulses. I nearly did on two occasions and I did get taken to hospital on the one then I got discharged two days later because we read the hospital doesn't ever help me, it makes me worse, which I agree with. Here's to you for leading her out of hospital. It's literally half past six in the evening. Why am I so bouncy and bubbly and awake? The Haloparadol dose I was started on was 0.5 milligrams which is the lowest dose I believe. I'm on 0.5 twice a day. The plan is to get my evening dose up and put my morning dose up and add in a PRN. The Haloparadol has helped me massively with my anxiety and I'm not taking planazepam really at all anymore, which, eh, Haloparadol has literally been a lifesaver. Like I started taking it and I was really anxious about starting to take it, even if I've done it before. I was anxious because in my head I was like if this doesn't work I'm going to be impatient and I honestly can't do it. I wasn't impatient again. I just can't. I've started taking Haloparadol and the only side of this, the two side effects I've had with this and to me I can live with them. One, it really affected my eyesight a lot. It made everything fuzzy. I couldn't focus on anything and when I say focus I mean I literally couldn't, my eyes not focus on it. I couldn't, my eyes were that bad. The other one is anxiety tick. I've always had little like stims and tickles, whatever you want to call them on, and this has just made them a bit like, made them more involuntary and I scared Satsuma a few weeks ago because I was just at a twitch attack on the bed and Satsuma was lying on me and he just jumped up. If you don't remember who Satsuma is, this is Satsuma, Becca's adorable little kitty cat, who's literally sleeping on a heated blanket as we are. That's the main thing for me, that bothered me to begin with but now I've kind of, and the thing with most medications is you have to give them at least six to eight weeks to actually start working on the side effects to wear on. So I can say that a lot of the side effects just haven't been there and people are like, oh my god it's horrible side effects, don't go on, I don't take it but I take a few side effects over feeling suicidal. I will take a few side effects over hearing voices, I will take a few side effects over literally hating my own existence. I was given hella power last January when I was impatient for lack of a better description. That fucked me up, that, that fucked me up. But the tablet is like, it's literally been a lifesaver, an absolute lifesaver. And I actually mean as when I say this, I'm actually glad I'm alive, which is more than I can say for the last year of my life. I was talking to a few people on Instagram and apparently people are told like, how horrible should I be to talk short term? See how horrible is labelled is this bad drug and people like shouldn't be out there, it needs to be stopped by subscribers. What these people don't realise is everyone's experience with medications are different, so my experience is different to yours. I react badly to a lot of things, medication wires, but that's me, that's not everyone. If you compare me and Becca's on a medication that I couldn't function on at all, I think what you need to know is that it just, just because one person has an experience does not mean it isn't helping technology. And yes, it has side effects, doesn't everything, every little thing we do has a consequence. Some are good, some are bad. I wouldn't say this as well, heliparadol has actually been deemed one of the 20 essential end of life medications because it helps with delirium, it helps relax people at the end. It's something that's needed. And while people might see it as this bad drug, it's there for a reason. And I'm sitting here, I'm 23, I live with my partner, pretty down a lot of the time. I struggle with my mental, and honestly starting that medication made the world a difference. And I'm only on a low dose, I'm not on a high dose, I'm not on a ton of meds anymore. I used to be on 10 different psych meds, I'm on four, which is unbelievable for me. I've been on combinations of medications for so long. Heliparadol has helped me more with my anxiety than any other medication that I've ever been on. And if I have to have a few side effects to not feel anxious, I'm taking the med. And I know medication is not for everybody and I know people use therapy instead of meds or do bow. I'm on a waiting list for therapy and I actually feel stable enough to do it. And that's because of the medication. If I wasn't on the medication, I wouldn't be able to do therapy because I wouldn't be stable enough. And chances are, I would be in hospital right now if I hadn't been put on this med. Heliparadol can cause addiction, and it can make people feel sleepy. And I know the first week that I took it, I was so dopey, it was unbelievable, but now I'm on it and I've been on it for a while, I can function pretty well. I did run out a few weeks ago and I did make a video on this, but then, link down below. I made a video and I was talking about how I had run out over bank holiday and I was literally off it for 24 hours before I relapsed with like how I was feeling before I started hearing things again. And that's how quickly things can change. And I just want to say, if you haven't taken your meds and you're supposed to have taken your meds, that's what I'm doing when I finish this video. Heliparadol is something that I would seriously recommend people consider. If you're taking clonazepam, lorazepam, lorazepam, any benzo, yes they're helpful and yeah, clonazepam helped me for two years. But I know if I come off it and I haven't got anything else in place, I will be back at square one. So my psychiatrist started me on heliparadol at my request. I asked if I could change, I'm desegotic and she agreed. I also asked, I remember I literally asked and I was like, can I come off another pound? She's like, we'll do it after Christmas. She knows that I have a lot of struggles around Christmas time, so I was kept on it. But yeah, heliparadol's helped me more in the last month than any other medication ever has. I was on quitsiope and for two years, nearly. It did nothing. It wasn't even helping with my sleep, so yeah. And the fact is, things got so intense that it wasn't even worth taking the quitsiope, because I knew it wasn't doing anything and I did say, I've said months ago, that I didn't think the quitsiope was working. I have done a lot of reading in heliparadol. I've read into a lot of anti-psychotic medication because they're a key part in me doing well and staying in the community because I do struggle with psychosis and I do struggle with hearing voices. I've danced around that a lot and I don't really, I never used to talk about it because I used to be like, people up and I think I'm crazy and I hate saying that. Well, that's literally what I used to think, which is what I never talk about. But the truth is, it's something that so many people go through. I don't know why I was so afraid to talk about it, considering half the stuff that I talk about anyway. But yes, heliparadol has been a complete lifesaver for me and I know it is for a lot of other people. I just wish there was more positive things on social media about it. If you think your medication isn't working, speak to your teams, speak to your doctors. And I'm going to recommend a book, actually, that explains all psychiatric drugs, including mood stabilizers, anti-depressants, anxiety, moods, sleep and tablets. And that is Psychiatric Drugs Explained, this book here. I have this book, any medication I've been on, I've wrote down like on sticky notes, like how it made me feel and how I reacted to it. I went through the list and I was thinking about back to when I was private. So when I was private, I was on five milligrams in the morning, five milligrams in the night of heliparadol and it did help me then. But because I switched NHS private back to NHS, it was so, so problematic and has been problematic up until this point. Now my consultant's actually read my private note, Zen actually agrees with what the consultant that I paid to and actually, she actually listened to what the consultant said that I had when I was private. And she's seen the change in me since starting on heliparadol and no joke, I've been so much, I can function a lot better now than I could then. I'm getting back on track with my uni work, which I was nearly a dropout point in December and now I'm nearly back up to date, which that's something for me. I was scared I was gonna have to defer and now I don't need to. I just think it's just helped so much, I can't. But chances I wouldn't even be alive at the minute if I hadn't had it changed because I seriously questioned whether the prototyping was helping or making things worse. The fear that it was making things worse, which obviously is not ideal, but we live, we learn and that's life. So if you've got any questions about medication or heliparadol or want to ask me anything at all, I'm very open about my medication, I don't mind talking about it. I've been on a lot of meds and even I don't mind talking about the tabby ones, I don't mind talking about benzodiazepines, I don't mind talking about sleeping tablets and I don't mind talking about any medication. The conversation needs to be had and I'm sorry but YouTube is just full of all these negative videos. Some of what's said in them isn't even like an accurate depiction of what they're actually supposed to do, so if you're gonna have to talk about medication you need to know what you're talking about. I can do a factual video talking about what heliparadol actually is, if that's something people would be interested in, let me know in the comments. I'm also doing video requests so let me know as well because I'm just laughing at myself. I'm only laughing at myself, I don't even know why but I'm happy and yeah, happy new year. If anyone wants to talk, my inbox is open. 2021, no drama please, I will do absolutely anything. Also just a quick side note on that subject, if you send me abuse, you're gonna be blocked. I'm not having a discussion with you on the blocked button exists for a reason and I'm damn well gonna use it. See I've learned a lot in the last year which is why I took like, I literally didn't upload properly for like half a year, let's be real here. So yeah, I'm gonna end this here, I don't know but I'm gonna tie to this video. I feel like I've rambled, I feel like I'm laughing a lot but I just want you to know that life's good for the ones that life's actually good. So yeah, thank you for watching and I will see you guys soon. Quick side note, I have Patreon. I'm uploading a lot more on there now. I've already got some pre-recorded stuff that I want to put up on there so a little subscribe button. I also have an ASMR channel and I also have a react channel, then link down below, go check them out. The react channel I upload pretty much all the time so go check it out, maybe give me a chance, I might surprise you, you never know.