 Craft presents the Great Gildersleeve. Hee hee hee hee. The craft cheese company who also bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night presents each week at this time. Harold Terry is the Great Gildersleeve, written by Leonard L. Levinson. Now to visit our friend, the Great Gildersleeve, who is alternately looking at his watch, which says 315, and of the large mysterious package which says deliver to Leroy Forrester, Esquire. Yep, isn't Leroy ever going to get home from school, my dear? Now, Uncle Moork, you've been fusting over that package ever since it came. You shouldn't be so curious. I'm not in the least bit curious. I was just wondering what was inside. I think it contains magazines that says Leroy Forrester. Esquire. No, Bertie. By the way, where is it from? Some place called Frazier. No, no, the name on the other side. Oh, you mean, oh, use no hooks. Use no hooks, Colorado, yes. The name of the firm, Bertie, turn it over. Oh, yes, the Metropolis Merchandise Company. Well, this has me worried. Let me look at it once more, Bertie. Here, too, Miss Quilsey. Thank you. Oh, Janet, it almost blew open. But not quite. Don't lift it by the string, Uncle. It'll break. Oh, yes, so it will. I mean, I'll try to be more careful, my dear. Now, let me examine it. If you examine that box any more stringently, it's going to fall apart. Yes, I hope so. I mean, I suppose you're right, Bertie. Well, this has gone on long enough. Bring me the scissors, please, Bertie. The scissors? Uncle, I don't think you should open Leroy's mail. Who's opening Leroy's mail? I just decided to cut the cuffs off my trousers and bring this suit back in style. Oh, it sounds like Leroy now. It can't be. He shut the door after himself. Oh, Bertie, I'm hungry. That's Leroy, all right. Was there any mail for me? Yeah, here it is. Gee, I can hardly wait. Good afternoon, Uncle Mort. Where is... Hi, I'm Orange. Oh, boy, what a big package. Hello, Bertie. Anybody got a pair of scissors? Thanks, Uncle. Oh, gee, at last. It's by its garden seeds. Yeah, 300 packages of them. That's a good deal, Leroy. Sure. All I have to do is sell them a 10-cent a package and send back the $30. That's not such a good deal after all. What do you get out of it, young man? Oh, I'm not going to tell you now. I'm going to wait until I finish selling the whole slew and surprise you. Well, if you sell that many seeds, it's so full of surprise meat. Oh, don't worry. I've got three sure-fire customers to begin with. Is that so? Who are they, my boy? Hello, Marge and Bertie. Yes, they are. All right, step right up. Oh, catch a nice fresh seed. Which kind do you want, Bertie? Well, let me see. Oh, you got flowers these two? You're saying petunias, hollyhocks, cucumbers, onions? Yes. Yeah, and sweet Williams? Oh, that's what I'll have. There's a boy now named William Hart, sweet old. Okay, that'll be a dime, Bertie. How about you, Marge? You ought to take something to remind you of that incident in the 80s. You want any beans? No, Leroy. I'll remember him without beans. I'll take those, forget me now. Here's my dime, Leroy. I've taken some Kohlrabi seeds. Kohlrabi? What's that? Kohlrabi, Leroy, is Cabbies trying to be cauliflower. Would you think 300 packages are too many for you to try to sell? Oh, no, sis. I am going to cover every backyard in town. And look how well I've done so far. In the first five minutes, I've already three down and only 297 yards to go. Look, Piggy, why don't you buy your mother a package of flower seeds for Mother's Day? Yeah, but a package of seeds is a lot cheaper than a bouquet. No, I'm sorry, I can't trust you. Now, in the instructions, the company says they trust me, but I'm not supposed to trust anybody else. Well, at least think it over, will you? Okay, goodbye. By the way, Leroy, it's just a week since those seeds arrived. How many have you got left? 263. No, Leroy, I don't mean the number of seeds. I mean the number of packages. That's what I mean, too, uncle. Yes. Business would have been a lot better, only half the kid in town would sell them seeds. Oh, well, it's the best salesman who went out. Cielc, you used to be a super salesman, didn't you? Well, yes. And I started selling the Gilder Sleeve girdle. I developed some pretty snappy freaks, my boy. But the principal thing to remember is politeness. Bear in mind that a polite approach will always get a polite response. Now, who's at that door? How do you do, sir? I hope I'm not intruding. You are. What do you want? Well, I represent the Big Gem Encyclopedia Corporation of East St. Louis, Illinois. No, scram. But you haven't... Beat it. But you haven't even heard what I had to say. I don't want any. Goodbye. Remember, Leroy, a polite approach will always get a polite response. Always remember that. I'll bet a quarter that when you went out after a prospect, you brought him back on a dotted line, like Frank Burke. A buck. Okay, a buck, then. Yes, let's not bet. However, I wager I could do such a good job selling your vegetable seeds that you could come along ten minutes later and sell the same people corned beef to go with the cabbages they'd expect to raise. It's too bad you still can't do it, Uncle Moore. Yeah, who says I can't? Could you? Why, of course. Oh, gee, that's swell. Uncle Moore is going to show me how to sell the rest of my seeds. Now, hold on a minute. I didn't say that. I'll go to my room and get my stock, huh? Oh, great jumping jeeps. I've been taken in again. The important thing is to start talking first and don't stop until your customer says yes. Understand? Yes. All right, now watch me. Oh, Mrs. Dobson. Good morning, because Mommy isn't home right now. She's downtown getting some burned-out electric bulbs in case you have another blackout soon. Yes, sir. Well, excuse me for cutting in, Dottie, but I'm helping Leroy sell these wonderful garden seeds and I thought maybe you folks would like to buy some. Oh, garden seeds? Well, I don't know whether we're going to plant a garden or not. This year on a kind of I tried one in 1941, but he didn't have a bit of luck. You didn't? What did you plant? Peanuts. I planted a whole bag of them, but nothing came up. Well, do you think that's all, Captain, from growing Mr. Gildersleeve? You. Well, maybe I should try something else this year. Have you got any pot? No. No. Maybe I should try something else this year. Have you got any popcorn? It's crazy about popcorn. If you have any, I'll take 10 cents worth of a pot. You know. Dottie, I'm sorry. However, we have lettuce and spinach and eggplant and oyster plant. Oyster plant and eggplant? Oh, you can't fool. Nests and oysters don't grow on plants either. You catch them with a high fool. You're a high fool. This year on a kind of the birds always get it anyhow. Oh, Uncle Moore, don't you think we better go home while we're just hungry and before we start starving? No, Leroy. I'd still like to show you how to make a sale. Now, I have a feeling the things are going to be different at this house. Okay, I'll ring the bell. Yeah. Now, observe the way I give them the politeness approach. Yes, what is it? Oh, how do you do, sir? I'd like to sell you some wonderful garden seeds. They grow so quickly that all you have to do is stick them in the ground and jump back fast. Thank you. Don't you live over on Parkside Avenue? Well, yes. How did you know? Don't you remember me? No, I can't say that I do. I came to your door this afternoon selling encyclopedias. You did? Yes, I did. And do you remember what you did? No. What? Yes. Yes, now I remember. Salesmanship lesson tomorrow? No. After we sell some seeds to Mrs. Twitcha Leroy, I'm sure she's going to buy some anyway. Why not? She's been a pioneer in everything else. What's keeping her? You'd think the old squaw would answer her door, but she's probably too la-di-da, Mrs. Twitcha. Oh, hello, Leroy. How do, Mr. Gildersleeve, what brings you here? It's these seeds of Leroy's. He had quite a lot of them, and I suggested to him that you might want some. Well, that's very thoughtful of you. I could plant some in my garden. You see, Leroy, your uncle Mort knows. How about three or four packages of corn, Mrs. Twitcha? Are you sure you can spare it? Yes. Oh, sure. We've got nine packages. Would you like all nine of them? Yes, I would. Oh, splendid. Now, how about some turnips and parsnips? Oh, do you think they'd be useful? Oh, surely. They're good for... What are they good for? Oh, yes, they make better mashed potatoes than lima beans do. There you are, six packages. Oh, I would also like some beet seeds. How do they come? A beet, ate to the bar. Kind of silly, isn't it? You know, we've struck a gold mine. You said it. And now, Mrs. Twitcha, would you like some Brussels sprouts or okra or lettuce? Oh, no, no, no, no more, Miss Givesley. I already have more that I should have taken, and really, it was most generous of you to come over with such lovely little gifts. Gifts? Oh, thank you, and good night. Good night. Now, Judge Hooker, the first thing we want understood is that we're selling these seeds, not giving them away. I understand, Givesley. No, Congressman. The reason you should buy these seeds is to start a victory garden, Judge. Yeah, everyone should have a victory garden. Right. Food will help win the war. Food is as important as ammunition. Yeah, and all the money we save raising our own food we can put into war-saving stamps and bonds. Say, hey, that's a very good point, young man. Hey, yeah, and look at the exercise it'll give us. Sure, and that way, you can get rid of that spare tire, Gilda. Well, I wasn't aware that I had any spare tires. Just look in any mirror, Gildersley. Oh, yes, the judge made a joke, Leroy. Let's laugh. I'm glad you agree with us, though, Judge. How many packages of seeds do you want? None. None? Why not? Well, I planted my garden a week ago. See, two weeks. You mean that pint-sized clock in your backyard? Well, you can't raise enough stuff there to feed your next door neighbor's bantam chicken. Well, I haven't any more room here. If I had a place out in the country, I could sure go to town. Oh, out in the country? Well, hey, there's an acre of the Blomster Marjory in Leroy's estate, right outside the city limits. There is? Well, we'd let you plant a big garden out there if you bought your seeds from the right party. Oh, an acre's too much for me to handle by myself. But I take half. If you'd plant the other half, Gildersley. That's an idea, Uncle Mort. Between the two of you, you'd use up all the seeds we haven't sold. Yes, well, I don't know. Remember, Gildersley, food is ammunition, especially the food you'd grow. We can use it to throw at the enemy. That's all. Well, I'll show you at Leroy, how many packages of seeds have you got left? Twenty-three dollars worth. All right. That'll be eleven and a half from you, Judge, and the same amount from me. How about making it a sporting proposition? I'll toss you to see who pays for the whole thing. Okay, he's going to toss me. You call a hooker. Ready? Yes. Is the head all right? Yes, I should have mine examined. We'll hear from the great Gildersley again in just a moment. But first, here's an interesting question, a friend asked me. A question that certainly proves American housewives are nutrition conscious these days. It was about parquet margarine, the delicious bread-for-bread made by Kraft. This housewife said, I serve my family parquet margarine and they all like it. But does parquet provide them with the kind of nourishment I should expect from a spread for bread? Well, that's easy to answer. The answer is yes. Parquet margarine provides economically the important food elements that nutritional experts generally require of a spread for bread. Here they are. First, parquet margarine provides energy. In fact, it's one of the best energy foods you can serve. Second, parquet is nourishing because the wholesome American vegetable oils and farm products that go into parquet are nourishing in themselves. Third, parquet margarine is a reliable food source of vitamin A. Yes, summer and winter, every pound of parquet contains 9,000 units of this important vitamin. So you see, thrifty parquet margarine provides the things a spread for bread should provide. And it tastes so deliciously good, your family is sure to like it. So why not try some tomorrow? Just ask for parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by Kraft. MUSIC Have you ever tried to locate a piece of property from the legal description on the deed? Well, that's what the great gilders leave in his nephew Leroy attempting to do this morning before starting out to plant that victory garden. Yeah, 200 northerly feet of the westerly half of section 5 East. Sometimes known as the old Pugelhammer property. In track 207 and a half of the 1904 survey as provided for in paragraph O of the treaty made by President Chester A. Arthur with the Kitsiku Indians. I still don't know where it is. Neither do I. Too bad I never went out and looked at that property. Yeah, it might turn out to be in a swamp or under a lake. Well, in that case, we could raise ducks, or rice, or ducks and rice. Imagine raising ducks already stuffed with wild rice. Before you start selling any duck dinners, don't you think we better go downtown and ask the county recorder where this property is located? That's a mighty good idea, my boy. Then we can go directly out there. Okay, start the car. Yeah, not so fast. What about our lunch? Oh, birdie. I got the whole pack, Mr. Gildsley. Here he is. I picked some new kind of sandwiches I hope you like. Oh, what are they, birdie? I call them birdie burgers. Yes, birdie burgers. They consist of half a cold chicken between two slices of baked ham. Oh, boy. Come on, let's hurry out there so we can dig in. To the sandwiches, I mean. Yeah, you're going to do a lot of other digging young men before we come to the birdie burgers. Are all the garden tools in the rear compartment be roaring? Sure thing. Start it up, honk. It seems to me we've forgotten something. Tools, lunch, old clothes. I guess we've got everything. Well, thank you, birdie. You're welcome. Now, take it easy this Thursday, and don't try to chew more than you can bite off. Yeah, okay, birdie. Have a good time while we're away. Yeah? You sure I feel the funniest little bones I've ever seen. Well, so long, folks. So long. Did you hear that, Leroy? Birdie says we're two of the funniest-looking farmers he ever has seen. Whoa! See, what's all this? Birdie just reminded me what I'd forgotten to take. All that seed. Out in the country, all right, isn't it, my boy? I bet the Saturday evening post doesn't get out here until Saturday. The state ever happened to have property this far from town? Well, it was taken in on a bad debt that we were taken in on. Well, according to the directions, it runs 200 feet north from this marker. Well, which way is north? There's north, let me see. If we had an oak tree, we could tell. If it had moss on it, it moss grows on the north side. It nor is it the south side. Well, it's one of the two, anyway. Well, how about asking that man over there? That man where? Over there, with a mule. Oh, I thought that was a pair of mules. Hey, you over there, if which way is north? What did you say? I said, which way is north? Huh? If which way is north? Don't know, I just work here. I could have gotten a more intelligent answer out of the other mule. Well, maybe we can figure it out by ourselves. The sun should be in the east, don't we? Yes, unless it's afternoon already. Well, if your face is east, your left hand is towards the north, isn't it? Well, yes, you're a bright boy, Scout Leroy. Now all we have to do is measure off 200 feet towards our left. Uh-oh, we forgot to bring a yardstick. Yeah, one thing after another. And maybe that fellow over there has a yardstick. Hey, you! Have you got a yardstick? What did you say? I said, have you got a yardstick. Got a yardstick? I'll just step off the 200 yards. That's well, how long a step do you take, huh? Step? Well, I see. Somewhere between... Oh, I forget. Or did I ever know? Better skip the stepping, Leroy. Have you got any other suggestions? Yeah, too bad Birdie isn't here. She wears a size 12 fume. We can use it for a one-foot ruler. How tall are you, Wunk? Tall? I'm 5 feet 10. Why? Gee, if you were only 6 feet tall, you could lay down and be 2 yardsticks. Hey, that's a good idea, Leroy. I know what we'll do. Put that rake handle out of the back of the car, will you please? This one? Yes, yes. Now, I'll lay down here like this. Now, you mark the spot in the dust where my feet is. Okay, but what... You'll soon see, my boy. And I'll mark the top of my where my head hits the ground there. Splendid. That's the idea, huh? Yes. Now, I add 2 inches. Add 2 inches? You don't get it. Just measure the distance from my head to my toes on that rake handle. Then add the 2 inches and you'll have 6 feet. Quit swinging that tail in my eyes, madam. Goodness, he's gone. Help me up, Leroy. My goodness. What does that farmer mean, letting a dangerous cow run around loose? If... Hey, you! What did you say? Why did you leave that cow loose? What do you mean, leaving that cow run around stepping on people? Who is that? Oh! Why is that cow allowed to... A hard row to hold, too. Oh, don't beep so much, you old mutton head. Doesn't this take you back to the days when you were a kid on the farm, Judge? It would, Gilly, except for one thing. What's that? I was never on the farm when I was a kid. I'll bet you never were a kid either. You must have been born middle-aged. Was it far on the farm once? I'll say. I used to go around barefooted. It was nice to bury my little pink toes in the cool, fresh earth. You know, I wouldn't mind doing that right now. That won't make you a kid again, Giller slave. Well, maybe not, but these shoes are awfully tight anyway. If no one minds, I'm going to take them off. Yes. Yes. There's nothing like getting back to the soil, is there? Uh... It certainly feels nice to scrunch the dirt between your toes, doesn't it? It does? Yeah. Come on, Judgie. You might as well be comfortable. I believe I will try it. How about you, Leroy? Oh, thanks. I've outgrown that sort of thing long ago. Well, I got my shoes off, Gildy. You look mighty good. Yeah, I feel even better if you took your socks off, too. Come on. Oh, yes, yes, of course. Hey, what's wrong with you? I'm standing on a pussy willow. Um, pardon me. But if you gentlemen farmers would stop planting your feet and finish planting the rest of these seeds, would we be all through? Yes, you're right, Leroy. Come on, Judge. Quit clowning around and help Leroy and me. No, what do you want me to do? Well, here's some seeds. Aren't you put two of these in each hole and Judge Hoppe, you cover them with dirt. Oh, that's easy now. Hey, you've got two different kinds of seeds in this bag, Leroy. Which do you want us to plant? One of each. That's unusual. What's the idea? All of the experiments I'm making, I'm mixing corn and lima bean seeds together to see if we can get a suck attached plant. Well, if this works, we can try planting a blue plate special. Come on, Judge. I'll drop them in and you cover them up. Leroy, now let's do it with teamwork and rhythm. Yeah, we'll count. One, two, three, four. On one and two, you drop in the seeds. On three and four, I'll rake over the dirt. Okay? Why not? Anything your little mind can think of, Judge. Let's begin. One and two. Three, four. One and two. Three, four. One and two. Three, four. It's corn, a beast. Rake, rake. It's corn, a beast. Rake over. Quit raking my big toe, you clumsy little man. Oh, I never came anywhere near your big toe, your big nitty. Is that right? Well, look. Is that your big toe? Why, I thought it was a lima bean. Judge Hooker, lima beans don't twitch. And Judge, what'd you do with my shoes and stockings? I didn't do anything. Where are mine? That's kind of peculiar, isn't it? Leroy, did you pick up our shoes and stockings? No, I didn't touch them. But how could they possibly disappear right off a bare field with no one else around? I don't know. We can't put our pad at home on our bare feet like this. Hey, hey, I just figured out what happened. Come on up and watch. Come on, Judge. Let's get busy with our rakes and holes again. You planted your shoes and stockings. Oh, this is going to be one of my bad days. That's bad habits in your truck on your truck phone. Yes, well, any day now, Bertie. Ever since the last rain, everything is coming along swimmingly. Yeah, I tried some of the radicals yesterday and they're coming up fine. The Marjorie. You should come out some day and look our garden over. It's a vision of vitamins. Well, I'll ride out with you the next time you go. How are you getting along with Judge Hooker? Oh, all right, except for that dirty trick he pulled on us yesterday. What was that? Well, he was raking his half of the garden when he suddenly found out he'd lost his diamond ring. Yeah, and he offered a dollar reward to the one who found it. Yeah, Leroy and I scratched through his whole patch. When we finished, he discovered that he hadn't worn the ring that day. It was all a scheme to get us to rake his rutabakers for him. Uncle Morton was so mad he hit the judge over the head with a scarecloth. Oh, you shouldn't have done that, Uncle. Yeah, I know it, my dear. I'm sorry I did it too. Now we gotta get a new scarecrow. What are you going out there again, Uncle Morton? Well, not till next week. Ain't you afraid the goblers will go for the plan? What? Or the weeds string up in children? No, Bernie. I cleared the garden of all the weeds yesterday. Yeah, only some of the weeds turned out to be young calluses. Oh, that was too bad. Did you pull out many of them? Well, I must have ripped up 12 or 14 rows before I discovered what they were. However, I had a lucky break, my dear. You did? Yes. I did all my pulling out on Judge Hooker's half. One more row and I would have starred on our own carrot. Really, Uncle Morton, I've been amazed at what you've done with this bit of land. Do you really and truly have a green thumb? Yes, it matches the rest of this complexion. I'll see you here, Judge Hooker. You get over on your own side with your pumpkins and cabbages. That way you won't look so conspicuous. The judge was only having a little fun. He didn't mean it. Look now, but there's that man again. Oh, you mean the hired hands from the farm next door. What do you mean over the fence? You're grinning and laughing all the time. You've been doing that ever since we started this garden. You used to make us angry at first. Doesn't you give any explanation? Well, if you ask what it's all about, he just says, No, I just work here. Oh, I bet I could find out. Let me try, huh? That's not a bad idea, Marjorie. Go ahead. Let's not go over, too. I'd like to know what this is all about. Come on, then. Only let me do all the talking. Come on, Uncle Morse. At first I thought he was amused at our efforts to be farmers. But we've had such marvellous results, and he still gives us a horse laugh. Ah, good morning. Good morning, ladies. Nice garden, my uncle and my brother, and Judge Hooker fixed up, isn't it? Yes. There's nothing wrong with the garden, is there? No, no. And what's the big joke, huh? Oh, come on. Tell me. It's the land, the garden is yours. What's wrong with that land? Nothing, only it ain't yours. What? What do you mean it is an hour? It's the first day you come out here. You started majoring in South from the stake and standing in the horse. What? Does that mean that we put in all that work for nothing and the crop is an hour? Oh, I had a feeling I was wrong, Judge. When did you get that feeling, Giller Sleeves? This morning. So I went downtown and I found out that Mr. Compton owned this property. Yeah, that's the man I work for. Oh, no, you don't. Not anymore. I bought this property this morning and you work for me now. By George, you don't either. You're fired. The great Giller Sleeves will be with us again in a few minutes. Meantime, I imagine you mothers and hot wives are pretty busy these days, so I'm sure you're interested in ways of streamlining the preparing of meals and getting results that are mighty appetizing, too. Now, if you're used to running to the refrigerator for a dab of this for a shortening, a dab of that for pan frying and something else for a spread for bread, here's a time-saving hint. Use parquet margarine for all these purposes. Yes, parquet margarine, made by crafts. You see, the delicate appetizing flavor that makes parquet margarine such a delicious spread for bread makes it a favorite for cooking, too. Yes, parquet margarine is a real flavor shortening that makes all baked foods taste better. It's as well-seasoning for hot vegetables. Parquet margarine makes pan-fried food tastier, too, and it doesn't satter as thick as a pan. So in one convenient package, you have a grand-tasting product for all these uses. And remember this, no matter how you use it, parquet margarine is a nourishing, wholesome energy food and a reliable year-round source of vitamin A. So, tomorrow, sure, try economical parquet margarine. Remember, it's parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine, made by crafts.