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Where are you guys when I needed something including pre-shoot. That's hellofresh.com slash 85 South 14. Hey man, look, October 29th at the Donald L. Tuckerson. Good boy, Sam. In Tallahassee, Florida. Fam, you hoes, I'm a weekend. I'm to the show Friday. Then you go to the game Saturday. Can we go to the game? We, if we stay down then. Oh! That the Brazilians had the best ass. Why it ain't like an Australian but look. Ha ha ha ha! More Alabama Mississippi but look. Menakin' but look. I'm like, what do you think now, man? Menakin' is known for having that. I ain't seen all the asses, but I will say that the pictures I've seen from Brazil, they are top three. Real. On the carnivores and stuff like that. Yes. They got some bubble butts down there, they say. But I wouldn't, what you want, like in Mississippi but look or Brazilian but look. Which one sounds more? Oh no, it's some fat asses in Mississippi. Oh, there's some good surgeons though. No, there's some, these is just straight cornbread, black-eyed peas. I never, when we grew up down the side, we never knew women didn't get surgery. Cause they was all thick, they all had big asses and big titties. I mean that's still the case with a lot of women now. I don't know why women go get these surgeons, especially if you ain't had no kids. You should just wait on your mama body. That's when the ass and the titties show up after them babies. So are you saying that women don't get ass from doing squats? They get ass from their genes cause their mama had the genes. Now I'm saying they get ass after they didn't had two or three babies. Like God got another body for most women that's gonna come later on in life. Everybody know that. Them finest motherfuckers with skin as hell 10 years ago, them the thickest ones. Can I tell you what happened that little boy? Can I tell you what happened? What happened? Okay. Home boy. We ain't gonna say it tonight. He tried, he used to act like he was a doctor, had professional advice, he knew how to get chicks thick. First, you get a pregnant. Two months later, Megan had abortion. He did that three times, six months, had a dime piece. No kids, no stretch marks, stallion. I didn't approve of it, but that's why I ain't wanna say his name. That's $900. Don't ask me how I know the message. $72,900 ain't that? I've heard that's about $900, which you've just scrubbed. Really? I thought it was more than that. That should easily, you know how much cornbread you could just fucking eat and get the same ass? I think the perception is wrong. Just like y'all said about being tall, I don't think women want tall men. What they want then? I think women want men with big dicks and it's associated with tall men sometimes. That's what I think. And I don't think no women got tall men. Who told you that? They got dicks or what? Women say that, women say that like big dicks, you know what I'm saying? If any women out here like, if a woman don't like a man with a big dick, she ain't shit, but a little girl who never faced her fears. And God put up, I ain't even gotta talk about it. I'm gonna get back to that this Sunday. But I'm just saying, I'm just nothing to y'all. Do you understand that women don't have so many dick substitutes, did it? Yeah, yes. Huge dick substitutes. Yes, they do. And I'm just saying what I think. What? What I just said. You already got dick surgery too. You can extinguish your dick. What's going on out here, man? Ain't no coming back from that. They put rods in your shit or something. I don't know how it worked. I didn't click the link. I wasn't even. I didn't want to see the picture. I thought that was spam. I thought it was a Facebook spam ad. I didn't know that shit was real. I feel like I'm in a job. Just for real. Damn. I just think, I think if you could, if you could drop 70, like if a girl go, I don't want to fuck with you. I don't like short niggas. And if you decide to drop 72 racks, pick you up a quick three, four inches, you should be allowed to come right back. No questions asked. That's some, that's some. She wouldn't play 20. That's some bullshit. That's no different than that. Why the fuck would you, why would you be hung up on what one bitch like? The same reason other people get, that's the whole point of fucking plastic surgery. I'm not going to fix myself for one bitch when I know it's, it's 10 moded already. You never done that. You never, you never done something that you don't want to like. You seen me. I ain't say you changed on this thing in general. You have self-esteem. So this thing for you. But I'm saying like, even if I did spend 72,000 on whatever, I'm not going to go talk to the same motherfucker. I'm going to go try these new motherfuckers there. Why would I spend 72,000 dollars on some new legs to talk to the same motherfucker who didn't like my whole leg? Because they like the legs. I ain't going to go talk to somebody who ain't never seen me before. There's new me. You told me it don't even like you. You lying. Shortening me was fucking with you. Loose. Loose, you're lying. You think so? It's the same height ain't no different than bread. You was broke, a girl wouldn't fuck with you. Like remember when you didn't have a car in high school and you got a car. You think I didn't double back all them women that I couldn't fuck when I was broke. Somebody get that back. Somebody get that back. I spent that block. I spent that block though. So this is saying shit. And then when they started liking me, I was like, nope. I remember, nope. You're going to get your height and you're going to hop over the block. No, I'm not. You know what? Nigga, if I wait, I go get the shit and I'm 6'3". I don't give a fuck about nobody that I'm already met. I don't want to talk to them women who told me they not interested. Because they, I was, you know what I'm saying? I'm going over there. I don't know none of them. I don't know their names. I don't know what they're into. I want to hear their stories. But you're not going number one if you have too much height. First of all, height ain't never stopped me from having any woman. Not you, but Gary Coleman was out here. You know what I'm saying? He had three wives then. He got all with different stroke. Nothing's impossible. So you saying that height surgery is for men who don't believe in their own abilities. Height surgery is for motherfuckers who do like experimental shit. Fine, because they don't know the side effects of that shit. It's too new. Fuck around and get some new legs. Now you can't fly. Every time you get on the fucking plane, it's a scooching pain. But you didn't know that. You wanted to know. Exactly. Now your body and your mind hasn't accepted these new legs and you can't even sit down and write the shit. And all you found out- Yeah, you had to go through a whole physical therapy. Exactly. You had to go through a whole physical therapy. And just like you said- Fuck around. Fuck around. Why the fuck? Why are you thinking about the surgery? You fuck around and get the surgery. Just like Roy said. Now your arms ain't even long enough to piss right. You just got to take your whole pants down and just stand up there. Oh, you got to sit out and pee. You got to hold on to something. You got to put your legs out with your shit. You just all on the toilet. Fuck that. Nah, I don't do that shit. Where you start doing comedy at? Birmingham. Birmingham. At the start of- At the start of- No, well, you know, I split time because I was still a fan of you. So- Man, what made you go to the fan of you? So you got to answer all this shit. Because we always show love to the HBCUs and you know, Clayton went to fan of you. Clayton was right behind me, man. You graduated from Alabama in Birmingham High School. Yeah. You ain't go to Alabama State, Alabama A&M. There you are. I'm real with it. So, moms went to A&M. My pops used to be a professor at A&M. He and pops went like the Nobel Peace Prize or something? He did a lot of- He was for the people. Oh, okay. He won a lot of journalism. He got an ADJ lifetime achievement. If I say, let me be fair, like you know Reverend Woods, that and that. Yeah, A&M Woods? Yeah, my pops- Hold on, hold on. The agitator? Yes. Martin Luther King friend? Yes. Like, get the- Dude, my pops rambled up. My pops was embedded. You used to find me any civil rights picture. My pops was there. Yeah. My granddad- You don't know what that is. Like my father, man- I know what your granddad is. He was, he was like, I mean, I'm going all the way back to the 50s. Like, Zimbabwe, Civil War. So, Waito Riots in South Africa. My pops, at the time, he was still in Chicago. When they started fucking over the black soldiers in Vietnam, my pops volunteered to be embedded with black Vietnam soldiers to report on the racism. Like, basically wherever there was racism, my daddy was like, let me go and see what the fuck going on. And then he came back to Chicago during the 60s, during the Civil Rights Movement. And then that's when they started WVON, The Voice of the Negro, which was like basically, basically black Twitter look. It was like black CNN. So any black news, any news that was relevant to black people, they were the ones that reported that shit. He hired Don Conellius. That's Roy's daddy that hired Don Conellius. Yeah, man. You remember when they did American Soul? That dude, that was Roy's daddy who did that. Yeah. And my daddy didn't get no money from SoulTrain because he didn't even think the idea was good. He was wrong about that. It looked like that. He was way wrong about that. My pops fucking, Don Conellius. Don Conellius was the stories that was told to me. Don Conellius was going around Chicago, you know, getting money from folks to shoot the pilot for SoulTrain. My daddy gave him a rack. So about a month or two go by, he can't sell the pilot to SoulTrain. Won't nobody fuck with it. My daddy go back to Don Conellius and go, nigga, nigga, where the money at? Don is like, rather than me pay you back, let me make you a producer. You could be a part of this shit. My pops told Don Conellius, don't nobody want to watch a niggas dance for an hour. That probably wasn't the exact word. Don't nobody want to watch a niggas dance, what? For an hour. For an hour. But you got to remember, this is like 68, 69. You got to remember my daddy's pedigree. My daddy's pedigree is just straight woke shit. Like his nigga been shot at, he been beat. Like the struggle ain't no game. Motherfucker, we out here, these motherfuckers trying to kill us. Are you trying to put niggas into a spelling bee on a goddamn TV show? All right, cuss them out, cuss them out. Let you go to the gym, Roy, you cuss the gym. What is my money on? Yeah, then he pulled a little piss down and sat on his lap. He got 46 hours. What do you think about our number? Two of them already, good luck with me getting out of the car. So yeah, I wanted to get the fuck out of Alabama for a minute, but I wanted to be close so I knew some folks would have my back. Also at the time, I thought I was going to play baseball. You appreciate this. The fan used baseball team was trash in the 90s. OK. So my stupid ass thought I could walk on. And I thought, and I didn't know this, but at college, everybody's good. Just because we lost don't mean we suck, nigga. I showed up and was cut immediately. Boy, some team's going to pick that up. That's what you said. Just because we lost don't mean we suck. That is, man. It's like an NFL or stuff like that, man. Somebody go ahead and tape to the dugout. Don't get up to the Jaguars. They are. But yeah, so that's why I ended up, man. So when your dad went to Vietnam, he went there just reporting, though. My dad was in Vietnam. They were shooting everybody the same. Yeah, no, no, no. My dad was in Vietnam. He was in Vietnam then. He used to be shell shocked. Those met him. My dad used to, when I was like eight years old, man, my dad still suffered from it. He used to always say how hot it was over there. You know what I mean? Like when I was eight years old, I used to sleep with a bulletproof vest on. Stop talking to him, man. Just stop talking to him. Because he'll wake up shooting. And sometimes they'll wake up like, all right, son. And I'll be like, yeah, dad, don't shoot with the 4-5. You got to shoot with the 9 or something like that. Stop talking to him like talking. I'll be trying to talk about my life up here. Hey, man, welcome back to the 85th episode, man. This is going to be right here full of shit. You want me to even went to Rwanda. He full of shit. I'm the only motherfucker that can tolerate it, man. The land people that came out to be and their friends on the helicopter. Ask him. My dad was on the helicopter at the Hilton Hotel. The Hilton Hotel? Nah, that's a problem. Yeah, that is it. Not at the Hilton Hotel. It was some Hilton or something. You seen how this shit that went from Vietnam to the Hilton Hotel? I'm talking about, bro, talk to me. I'm trying to give him, I'm trying to help him so he can get out the home. He just gets mad up, bro. I'm saying, I'm saying, it was a hotel, the famous hotel at the end of Vietnam that they always show. Ain't no famous hotel in the land. I'm saying the famous. I'm saying it's a halloween hotel. Is that what the name of it is? Yes, I said it the whole time. Los up here trying to act like you was up here talking about the 12th in Atlanta or something like that, you know what I'm saying? You see how he tried to act like you was the chain man? We talking about the whole thing in Vietnam. Don't talk to this nigga no more. This nigga is crazy. Oh my god. So I get arrested, I get on probation. I start doing that now. What happened? Hold on, what the fuck did that come from? I'm stealing the jeans. Hold up, last night before he started talking about the Hilton in Vietnam, we was talking about family baseball. You asked me, I got cut from family baseball. For stealing jeans? No nigga, I could not hit the baseball. Oh. What when he starts stealing jeans? I had to find a new gift after I learned I couldn't hit a baseball. So it is like, did you start into depression and start stealing the jeans? You ain't just saying, I'm finna steal. Somebody got you into that shit. Yeah, I feel like that's not you. Hold on, so did you get like depressed and just started spiraling? Yeah, that's what I thought I was going to say. No, no, I'm good, I'm good. DC, what we doing? I'm reading this paper. What did that paper say? November 6th. November 6th. We gonna be in Greensboro, man, at the Greensboro Coliseum Complex. Yeah. In Greensboro, North Carolina. Greenboro, North Carolina. What day? November 6th. That's right. Hit the web site 85SelfShield.com. Okay, so everything else going good in baseball. You just can't hit this. No, baseball, baseball trash. Baseball happened. I go work at Shoneys. What made you think, what made you even think you was, what made you do that? The baseball shit. Like you was good in your area. You saw Michael Jordan down in Birmingham, right? No, I wasn't good in my area, but I was like, maybe. He was gonna get better here. If you just keep trying. He never did. Bo Jackson, Bo Jackson was from Alabama, right? You didn't win down there. From a baseball? Fuck them people, tie him up. But you talking about Hall of Fame level talent. In baseball and football. I was on the bench. You can't compare me. But you made the team a little bit? The family? Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. Like three days of trials. No, nigga, this is the other thing. Trials was one day they made cuts every 75 minutes. Nigga, I was gone. Are you serious? I'm here at 64. Damn. It was like 40 people. And they was like, we're gonna keep two of y'all by the end of the day. If we do uncut, if we call every 75 minutes, they call the numbers. And if your number is like squid game, your number on the chest, your number get called, you stay. And so that was it. And so I started working. And then you get tired of being broke. Shonis. Yeah, I'm like what was it? Shonis had the dope ass breakfast buffet. And then I went over to Golden Corral. Okay. That's old. Culinary. Culinary? Upgrade. You was coming, what you was doing at the job? Couldn't get a sweeper, what you was doing at the bar? No, I was serving, man. I was serving. I was getting that tip money. Cracking jokes at the table. That's low key open mic. Hell yeah. You figure out which joke work at this table, you do it at every table for the rest of the day. By the end of your shift, you got a five minute set. So I used to like fuck around with that. And then when I saw what it was, when Ricky Smiley popped on Comment View, that was like, I was like, oh, that's some shit that I think I could try. Cause that was the first person from the crib. Cause you know, you can't, it's Alabama. Don't nobody give you no dreams other than marriage. Yeah. Go to college. Yeah. Get your job. Buy you a Buick. Or Cutlass Supreme. Yeah. I mean, my daddy was a Stankin' Lincoln man. He was a Buick. Y'all grew up with some class there. In Lincoln. Seven or eight. Real smooth, you could turn that bitch like this. And so. Creek Palestine. And so I started looking at stand up comedy. And then at the same time, like I figured out how we could boost shit from Dillocks. So I was doing that for a minute. We got caught. Okay. We. Well, yeah, me and some other folks, but I mean, I ain't gonna. You had a blue jeans still in the ring. Nah, it wasn't just blue jeans. It was, it was in Dillocks. I could figure out a way to get it to you. All right, bet. Well, let's just move on. We don't want to dwell on that. So successful now. So, you know, that's what happened, man. I started doing stand up. And I would take the bus up to Atlanta, get booted uptown, take the bus back to Tallahassee. Which one is uptown though? Marietta or the WP Street? You know, the WP Street over in, over in Buckhead. What about, I would get up. How'd he use this, yeah. This is Sunday night. This is like 98, 99. So this is Nard hosting Earthquake Era. Okay. What's some of the wildest shit you seen up there? Shit, I'll just say me. The night I bombed and then the waitress still made me buy two drinks. Three. And I told the waitress, I said, I was a, I was one of the comedians. She said, you wasn't up there funny, baby. Oh my God. That wasn't comedy, baby. You got to buy two drinks. You sitting in my section. Bitch, we go to jail, I know what you did. So I get booed, wash, rinse, repeat. I go down to Macon, but then in the South what I peep is that if you gonna work every week, it can't just be black rooms. So that's why I started down across and over a bit. So you go to Biloxi, do the casinos. You go down to Florida, do all the old folks shit. And by that point, you get down to Miami dude, Marvin, Marvin Dixon had to Tuesday night at that point. White people confuse you though, if you on the come up. Cause white people make you feel like you should have made it already. Dude, you're the fucking best I've ever seen, man. And I go, listen, I go to comedy shows, man. I've seen them all, bro. You fucking got it. Then you walk your ass in the uptown on a fucking- Man, I don't know about it, don't you? I got- You ain't shit. The crazy shit I heard a nigga say at the comedy show, he told the nigga on stage bomb, he said, nigga kill yourself and I'll pay for the film. I don't know what it fuck, like how dark of a person do you have to be to yell out some shit like that as somebody trying to make you laugh? You know what was fair in hindsight, what was fair about Atlanta, like the Atlanta scene was that- They hate everybody. They hate everybody. And next week is a clean slate. Yeah. That'll give you a chance to be good. Yeah, so there was never like no residual, oh, that's the nigga from last week I hate. It's, let's see what this week brings. But that's what keep it, that's what keep it constant. And that's fair. Every show is different, you know what I mean? That's fair. If you learn that early, I started out in DC. I seen this one comedian who used to be around here bomb about 700 times in a row. He used to bomb about three times a night, but he would go up at every spot. Same bits? Same bit. When nobody pulled him to the side and go, ain't that bad? It didn't matter. It was just like you never said that. Everybody tried, but he just, he never gave up. That's that mechanism that they can't get past, though. That's that- Even when he didn't bomb, he didn't do good. And he just still, and he just eventually gave up. I don't even know if he gave up. I think he's still out there bombin' somewhere. No, so I just kept going on the road, bro. Like, that was my thing. Cause I could never- Who was one of the first people put you on the road with him? Like, with a name that was selling tickets and shit? I'd say the first nigga really put me on was probably Tommy Davidson and D.L. Huguet. That kind of happened in the same way. D.L. probably deep in the biggest solid without even realizing it. When I started in radio, so Ricky Smiley left Birmingham to go to Dallas to start with everything he got today. And so I took over for Ricky and the comedy club wouldn't let me host on the weekends cause as you know, that's the big X or whatever. That's who they should've had. The radio nigga, that's stupid, no way there's a thing. So that's what happened. So that's how I got on the radio in Birmingham. I go to the radio DJ, shout out to my man Buck Wilde. And Buck, he goes, well, we're not having any more comedians. Ricky left and no one can be as funny as Ricky. We just sound like a white man. Well, he's white, he's mixed. It's solid, it's solid, my fuck. That's the white man in them saying that, though. Okay. So then I know that the radio station hosts the Black Knight. So I go to the comedy club and I go, hey, I just got hired at the radio station. So let me host for D.L. Hughley. The club go cool. I go back to the radio station. Hey, comedy club just booked me for D.L. Hughley. If I rip, you let me come back and intern. And they go cool. So then Friday night come, all I gotta do is keep radio man away from the comedy club, man. I go up and do three minutes. You know how you just had a one set that you needed that fucking night? Yeah. Kill shit fucking. Fucking magic dog. I walk off stage, radio nigga standing right there. He says, see you Monday morning, bring cheerfully. And then I go in the green room and D.L. Hughley is there. And you go, you did a good job. Tell you what, open for me the whole weekend. D.L. ain't had to do that. And you know how like the whole G's travel, they already got a set. The show is set. They got they open. Right, and they definitely ain't letting nobody else on the show. I don't know what it was, man. But like that vouch gave me the tape to get booked everywhere else in the south. Yeah. Nashville, Chattanooga. Real niggas. Set it up. Real things. Now see, it's a lot of motherfuckers out there hating this shit. They hating that. They bitching it. Don't cost you nothing to let a nigga do what a nigga was gonna do. That's all it is? I ain't never, like that was probably one of the most solid fucking vouchers. Man, they're looking what you did with it. You got a fucking, you got a deliver though. That's the thing. You gotta be fucking ready. Like that's the part of it that I always appreciated. But that's what I even now, man. I try to like, I try to connect with younger comics, man. Cause they the ones that's got all the sauce. They know what the fuck is going on. Cause they head to the street. I'm too busy writing, editing, being a daddy. Young niggas, when they broken, they hustling. They know every which way, which angle. They know which app. So put them on. Put them on the show with you. Cause now I can put money in your pocket and I get to sit and talk with you for 20, 30 minutes between the show and figure out what the fuck is going on. Yeah, yeah. It's like you paying. It's like low key. I'm not even having an opener. I'm not, I don't care about your jokes. I'm paying for you to give me the game. And that's worth paying a little extra for. So, you know, that's what I try to do now because you know, like what Celo said, everybody is somebody because of somebody else. That's real, that's real right there. So, you know, that just never left me, man. Hell yeah. But I feel like as entertainers, man, sometimes you, it's like we kind of owe that to the entertainment game. Cause like you said, who's to say that it might, it might be this dude's night to change his life, to hit him with that, that five minutes set. Cause somebody watching, somebody might see him. You know what I'm saying? He might just be, he might just be up. He might just be due for some good luck, man. Yeah. He didn't work this shit out. Yeah. But then be the same cast that's going to, just the other thing I learned, dawg. Like that's the one upside though, to work in the road growing, like instead of being in LA or New York, and it's probably the same, it's for sure the same shit in the eight. When you work the South and the Midwest, starting out, you see every week, you see all the different ways your career could go. You open for every type of comedian. You open for alcoholics. You open for the ones that's hustling. The ones that's on drugs. The ones that be disappearing. The weird ones. The ones who have a new joke in five, six years. And they slowly starting to fall off. The ones who don't do nothing but chase fucking women the whole fucking night. Yeah. Like, and you start seeing, oh, if I make that choice, that's gonna happen. If I make this choice. It's like, you get a preview into all of the different fucking buckets your career could go into. You can see the younger comedians come in and how they come in and do that too. You know what I mean? Yeah. The cycle. Yeah. So, you know, that's my shit, man. Is I sit on Instagram and watch everybody. Any stand up joke, anything. I want to see what the fuck everybody's doing. I don't want to see nothing. I'd be trying to unpack it. I don't even want to know what they talking about. I love it. I love it. Because I'm still a fan of the craft. And I send y'all, you know, doing what y'all do. But I just like watching what other folks are doing, man. Cause I still sometimes just enjoy seeing different perspectives and shit. Oh, you mean like the whole internet craze? Like videos and everything? Not just sketches. I'm talking stand up too. Like I know a lot of comedians don't watch other comedians. Yeah. I'm gonna be watching a lot of comedians. You don't cook. No one's doing all that. Cause I hate them. No, no, no. I'm just. It's to create. You want to make sure that your creative process is pure. My creativity don't run down. Exactly. Correct. So I'm like, well, let me see what they doing. Cause that started, cause I didn't book comic view. So I got mad. You never did comic view? No, I did it, but like, I got turned down the first two years. I never did. You know what's fucked up about comic view? A lot of shit was fucked up about it. Look at our everybody. What was really fucked up about comic view is that they would send you a letter to let you know you weren't selected. You can just tell me. Just don't call me and I will assume that I, but they would send you a letter. With a letter here. In the VHS tape. New Opt Inc. New Opt Inc. Shout out to Steve Harvey's old company. And with Sean McDonnell. Yeah. They used the word for him. Yeah. So they know. It was a blue logo with a little thin end. And the loop and the overlap the end. I fucking remember that rejection letter. You were not selected this year for the comic view. Keep trying. It's like a uplifting paragraph at the bottom. Jesus. And then you watch. And then you watched it and he was like, man. Fuck this shit. Yeah. I used to show up down into the comic views, man. Like. You know about that shit? Showing up to the cut. Being an alternate. That was, come on man. You be the alternate boy. I mean, you just going down there. You just waiting on something. No, no, no. Cause you show up and you get to see all the comedians who ain't never put you over shit. You know what I'm saying? Like everybody knew about it except you. You were just in the club with everybody there. It's the equivalent of flying standby on a flight. Yes. Trying to get on TV. Yeah. So you show up to the venue and hope someone else that's booked does not show up. Right. You hope he dies in a car crash. Yeah. Nobody had no cell phones like that. Well. And then the producer would just come out. Yeah. We don't, we don't see Zoo man. Ah. Dude. Come on. And just, it literally boiled down to who you knew. And so like I went, a comic view party grow year. The New Orleans. The New Orleans with Bruce Bruce. The one that they had to stop filming. Correct. That's when they stopped me. I was in the lobby and the only thing that I knew was Akatunde and Spank Brown. Spanky Brown. Spank Brown. R.I.P to Spanky. And so. Recipes. Those were my two dudes. But they were barely in their self. And I peep game. And I see Spanky trying to like get the producer's attention. He get, I'm like, oh no. I didn't drove all the way down there for nothing. You know who played that shit right though? It was fucking Shoddy Shoddy. Shoddy came down there. And this nigga went out in the audience line and just started roasting niggas in line. Yeah. Just like, you just here as a fucking alternate. So fuck it. I'm a roasting. Got on. Killed. Murdered. And I'm just like, that ain't, that ain't in me. That ain't what I do. So I just couldn't fucking do comedy that year. So I got pissed about it. So I went in that whole season. Is that, let me see who went. I can't not know what Tony was. Good way. I remember the last one though. So I sit down and I just, I watched comment view for a whole year and I made a list of every topic that every nigga discuss. Straight, spreadsheet, handwritten. Every night I check sex, ugly people, cripples, baby mamas, poverty joke, poverty joke, sex. Women need to suck dick. It is. Yeah. Made a list of everything that every nigga, every subject that was broken on the show that year. And the next year I just, like, I'll talk about anything but that stuff. Y'all gonna fuck with me. If nothing else, cause I'm different. So that just forced my writing into a place where even if I'm the funniest, let me at least start in a place that nobody else is cooking. And then if I can make it funny, now I'm funny and original. Yeah, man. Cause white comedians can say any fucking thing and that should just work. Oh, McDonald had a farm. No. So I'm at a farm, right? White people go crazy. Woo! Dude, did you hear the farm joke? So I- Fuck it, rocks. Oh, McDonald. Why is it a fucking farm? You believe this shit? You know who's underrated to me and that shit where they can just take a sentence and work that shit over and over again is fucking J.B. Smooth. J.B. Smooth. Oh man. J.B. Smooth can go on stage. You can give him three sentences and he will do a 10 minute joke of three. Just callbacks. And you ever just seen an orange in the store? Just an orange. Just a motherfucking orange. It's a little green. I don't trust that little green part of the orange. Why is this shit green? Why don't you pick that orange if it wasn't completely orange? What the fuck is green? And he will just milk and milk and milk. He has jokes that are just, like you said, that are just sentences. Like he did what the shit he said. Ain't nothing in the world fastened in Pume. Pume. Pume. Pume is the fastest shit in the world. Nothing faster than Pume. Pume. I used to just nigga hand this joke about this fucking the 50 cent song that song with Tony Yeyo. Okay. What is that shit? So seductive. But he was acting like, oh that's the best song ever fucking made. Niggas get driving stagecoach to that motherfucking, and he was fucking stagecoach. And he would act like he driving the stagecoach to this shit. But he had these big ass boots, man. This shit was one of the 40est fucking opening jokes I have ever seen a comedian do. Cause he was doing this shit for like 10 minutes. Man, I'm reading this paper DC. What is he in for? It says November the 5th, we supposed to be in like, North Charleston. Yeah, at the North Charleston. Yeah, exactly. And that's in South Carolina. You got to say that. So it's like, North Charleston. What the hell is you talking about? That's right. That's on the brats of you. So that's the type of shit that's gonna be happening November the 5th when we get to Charleston, man. So make sure you get those tickets at the website 85 South Charleston.com. What's the date? Man, could you some tickets? Why you playing with yourself? North Charleston. Shout out. This is Carlos Miller. It's official. Fall is here. And Blue Chew is the perfect thing to make sure she leaves satisfied. You get it. Fall leaves satisfied. All right. That's right. 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I wish I could remember the joke he had about getting pulled over like a dude behind him, like a police or something like that, you know what I'm saying? He was saying the dude was acting like a police behind him, you know what I mean? Yeah, making a sound and stuff like that and somebody was throwing rocks at him. Whatever it was, this was at a club in New York, man, you know what I mean? Like, one of the spots if it might came up in the New York bracket. When we did Last Comic Stand and watching this thing and you try to read them, goddamn cue cards. Y'all did Last Comic Stand together? Yeah. Now, he was one of the hosts. Okay. I did 2010. The one thing Last Comic Stand did for me, it made you complete. It was 2010. This was the first year when the first year. It was like the early days of live tweeting. Play me some pimping on this one, man. Here you go. This is real temp shit. If you on the show, your job is to interact with the social media and all of that shit. And every night, every Monday night, you had to get online and interact with all the people who was watching Last Comic Standing. And just in the hashtag, you just see people saying the most terrible shit about you. Oh, yeah. It was before the YouTube. For the most part. I mean, YouTube was around, but just in terms of just seeing people go, nigga ain't funny, nigga fuck Martin Luther King, you little ass nigga. And just every fucking Monday for two months, I had to read all this terrible shit. And on the other side of it, I was like, oh, this shit don't bother me no more. It was like, it was like for like a week or two, that shit would fuck with you. And then after that, you went, oh man, y'all niggas just bored and just need something to hate. Oh, you ought to read some of the comments that be on this show. Oh, I'm sure it's YouTube. YouTube go hard. Yeah. Some motherfuckers wait to 58 minutes in. Do they ever tell you the truth? Do YouTube ever tell the truth too? Or not? No. No. I think they're like, I wonder about the shit that we don't get to see. How did that shit even get through the filter? You know, they don't show you all that shit. Oh, yeah. Because they don't want you to really know how good your shit really is. You imagine you click on one of these fucking episodes. This bitch got 85,000 comments. It's 2 million followers. You mean to tell me we won't give her 300 comments on the show? Yeah. Man, kiss my dick. Somebody lying there. Yeah, somebody is. It's true, man. We got shows that have fucking 20 million views. 119 comments. They see me, you don't give about 50 million shit. You don't have to have the shit out here. It's just women. You see what I'm saying? I don't tell your name, but he ain't not gonna know. I don't know why that man hating on me like that. Bro, we gonna put your name in the title and they still gonna be like, who it do? Oh my God, help us. Did you with that my baby song? You go act like that. Man, we'll be back today for that show. Man, I gotta ask you about some of my favorite shit, man. You know, you've put in a lot of great work, man. You got a lot of work that you in the rotation with. You've been in the rotation since the premium blend. Yeah. 04. Yeah. Well, some of my favorite shit is I can say that a classic in my list of comedy classics slap you to sleep, man. All the prank call out. Man. The last one I did. Yeah. That was 07. Man, tell me about it. How you put that together like, it's timeless. It's timeless comedy. Yeah. So, I was doing the prank calls and Ricky left, Ricky left Birmingham. So Ricky was known for prank. So when I got hired at 95.7, they was like, well, you gotta do pranks. You can do whatever fuck else you want, but you gotta do pranks. So then what I peed, I peed game that we was doing pranks. This is like 0203. This is pre-YouTube. Right. And I'm taking these pranks. We airing them one time and we ain't doing shit else with them no more. So I go to my boss. I'm like, I put these online. That's when I set up my webpage. I set up a webpage, put the prank calls on there. This one going, this one you went viral over email. Yeah. There was a time, young people. Tell them. A stranger would send you a fucking file and you would download that bitch. Like, that was, hey, trust me, this file, you didn't call a nigga and go, niggas, you hacked. You just trusted it. Yeah. How long did it take to download it? Shit, about 40 minutes. Three-minute prank call or some shit. So I start putting the CDs together and they started running me in consignment in the black-owned shops in town. And then a couple of DJs started getting a hold of my shit. I started getting put on chameleon air, put my shit on a bunch of his mixtapes. And so the prank started traveling around to other radio stations and that's how I started getting booked in other comedy clubs and other markets. It's because I would just send them pranks. I would send them just a whole ass fucking floppy disk. This is before USB stick. With the metal slide, that joint, I would mail that bitch to a radio station and go, my nigga played this shit for me. All you got to do is say my name. I bet you got a cell phone with a little rotary dial on that motherfucker's ear. And then I let that shit marinate on the radio station in that market for like two months and I turn around and call the comedy club and go, you got to fuck with me, I'm on the radio. That's how I would get booked. And so I do a CD and so that was his lady. So Hurricane Katrina happens. And... After the comic view. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the Cheryl Underwood year. I remember they stopped, they stopped the film and I was there. They kicked me out of that motherfucker. So you should have been leaving the city. A fucking hurricane was coming. We ain't know if it was going to be that bad. None of us knew it was going to be that bad. No, but they stopped TV. It was like, nigga, we're not making no more TV. Everyone leave town. And your ass was still waiting. No, no, no. Don't make me hate you. Too many people looking on you. They're going to shut the motherfucker down because I'm supposed to be on it. No shows or five shows. It was like 15 comedians, man. When I had already got stopped from the first comic view, I said, God damn. So you remember Katrina hit and people got relocated all over the south. Yeah. So at the time, that shit was some tense shit because there was a lot of cats that were coming from New Orleans in certain parts of the... I know what was happening in Houston. It was for sure happening in Birmingham. I just speak on Birmingham. The cats was coming and it was starting to be like, starting to be tense between folks. You know, a little bit of turf war, a little bit of just why these folks coming and taking out the guy. Man, shit, yeah, violence. Fuck in Atlanta. I'm trying to be nice about it. It was tense because you had a lot of different sets mixing that normally don't have to mix. Yeah, I am. But I remember all the violence everywhere went up. But I remember still that everybody was coming together. I know the black folks definitely nicked. That's why it was violent. When you put black people together there's gonna be some violence. I'm talking about before when we saw everybody down there like that, you know what I'm saying? We saw that it was the black people that was just like that. Well, but we tell about when they left and they was violent. I'm not saying it wasn't love. There was definitely love in the mix of all of that and blankets and toys and shelter and all of that. Water and shit. But it was also niggas that was like, yo, I'm here to get money. And the locals was like, no, you are not. They was like, by any fucking means. That shit was so it was tense. So I called the lady, told her we was gonna cut her social security check to give money to Hurricane Katrina victims. She went the fuck off? She went the fuck off. Barbara. Barbara's check was the name of the call. And so I put that online just random day. Put it on my website. Two hours later my website crashed. Webmaster Carlin. Hey man, we gotta add some bandwidth to website this shit going up. And we're okay. Add a couple more gigabyte, chiller, jillabyte, whatever the fuck it is. Crash again. My website crashed like three days in a row. We just keep upping the server space and all of that shit. And so that was the call. Somebody doing this or just the number. No, folks was flooding my website to download the call. And at this point, YouTube, I put it on YouTube, but on YouTube you just listen to shit. YouTube wasn't even a visual website yet. So I took that call and started doing more and more and putting it with other calls and then put that album together. And that was the one that did the best for me to this day. With the pranks, that was an error, man. What I figured out though is I got older once I got into my 30s. I couldn't keep doing them because prank calls, that's a young man's gun. To me, at least. Technology changed. You can't even fucking do it no more. It's too hard. You prank call somebody in 03 the way I used to block my numbers with an AT&T column card. Come up and say AT&T on it. Yeah, just say it'd be a 720 Denver number. Oh yeah, they go after that. Yeah, curiosity. Yeah. Who called me for doing it? Prank calls used to be rooted in the curiosity of the unknown. Now you don't even want to fucking know who calling you. Right. Even in visual family, you send them the voicemail. So you can't even really do that shit no more. Also, as the pranks grew, I had to start prank calling people out of town and the thing with Birmingham, and this is what Ricky set up, Ricky Smiley set up an atmosphere where if I prank call you as love and you know me, you know the station, I'm in the community, you know I don't mean you know harm. Yeah. When the pranks grew, too many niggas in Birmingham knew my voice, so we started calling out of towners. Out of towner don't know me. You don't give a fuck about me. Right. You don't give a fuck if it's love. And my fucker ran up on me in Cleveland at a show. And I said, I was like, hi, this ain't... Oh, personally, he came up to me, like they do all that prank calls. She's like, hey, my fucker, let me tell you. Yeah. I ain't... I'm not finna fight you, sir. Not over a prank from three months ago. Wasn't like I was just pranking. I called him from Birmingham, he was in Cleveland, we did the prank, ha ha ha, hang up. Yeah. Three months later, I met the Cleveland improv down in the flats and that motherfucker waited patiently for me. Patiently at the merch table, just... And you know how you figure this, and then you want to say some... Yeah, like... Like normally when a black man standing like this beside the table, at the end of you do all your meet-and-greet, he want to come up, I just want to tell you, it's some positive grip. Yeah. You pull your hand. Yeah, he did. What is that? One of them... Hey, brother, do your thing. I'm here, nigga. What is that? You pull me in, you go, I just want you to know if I wanted to touch you. I can't. Push me off like that. Wow! You gotta think, you know, you gotta think he slapped you and all that. He gonna say that. At that point, I was like, all right, man, all right. Hell no. He's like, get at it. I did, man. I don't... I don't... I mean, and that's wild for me because, you know, for the most part, black folks fuck with me. Yeah. I ain't ever wanting to fucking be with them. A lot of people might want to, like... I think it's a 97% rule with black people. Like, that's the most you can get. You ain't gonna never get us off, you mean? You'll never be a hundred. Oh, of course not. No. 97 is the most. And that's not like a circle. But I'm saying, even if you didn't think I was funny, you wouldn't want to fight me. Right. So I ain't ever seen nobody want to just fucking beat my ass. Like, you might be disappointed. Mm-hmm. He probably wanted to do some bad to you at first, then he saw the show and he was like, man, I was gonna kill your ass. I still want to... Sometimes, sometimes the niggas just be upset and you just look like the shit they upset about. But some cats, but you can't play with people like that. You never know what somebody going through, too. In that few times, I'd say him, I was just, we came back from doing the show. We was somewhere doing the show and he had did a prank call or something like that and it was just talking about a dude getting a kidney or something like that. You know what I mean? And he's like, well, you got your kidney but I'm gonna get your gallbladder. You know what I'm saying? Let me get your gallbladder and then get your kidney. But the man got real for real and I'm listening to it and I know the difference. We both know the difference between comedy, you know what I'm saying? So I was like, yeah, time is cold, blooded with that shit and also it's a muscle. You don't keep working that shit. It's really, it's improv. Right. It's fucking improv. You can only script the first 30 seconds of the call. Yeah. Like that was, like the time when Jay Prince, you know the Jay Prince story. What's the Jay Prince story? So I prank called Jay Prince. Hello. Damn man, what the... Take me off this show. What the fuck going down here then? Shout out to Jay Prince. Shout out to Jay Prince. Shout out to Jay Prince. Shout out to Jay Prince. Shout out to Jay Prince. Wait, wait, wait. You know it. Hold on. No, this is... I'm still alive. Maybe something had a happy ending. I'm still in the world. I'm still in the world. You didn't go fuck with Jay Prince. Go ahead. So when the Chameleonary Pranks jumped off, there was a record label in Houston and they called me up and they go, we hear your stuff all over the city and we want to do a prank call, a celebrity prank call album. a pretty print-call album will be print-call celebrities. I'm like, all right, that's a bet. And so, I fly to Houston and they got the list set up of the celebrities that they, and it's all Texas-based people. Like, it's like Vince Young, it's fucking Scarface, J-Prince, it's like just random folks, all from Texas. And they go, who you want to call first? I say, let's call J, because that's going to be the hardest prank. So we may as well do that one off the rip. Rip. Because the thing about it is that when you're doing a prank phone call, you can't like, you'll lose like your energy, you know what I'm saying? So you got to like, the one that's going to be the most mentally challenging. Because J-Prince is a hard motherfucker to prank, because when you think about a prank, if you're just talking just joke structure, right? Right. It's something silly to get you mad while I'm making impossible requests. J-Prince is fucking low-key, even-kill ass nigga. So I can't just call him and go, motherfucker, I'm gonna fight you. Like, that ain't enough. You got to strike people on the things that they hold dear and that are important to them. If I'm gonna make you upset, that's why niggas fight over your mama jokes. Right. Because that's something important to you. If a nigga talk about your outfit, if you talk about your girl, if you talk about your children, there is a set list, especially with black folks. Yes. But nigga, we have to fight right now. Right. I'm gonna see your, or I'm gonna see your ass, or I'm gonna see your ass is clean. Yeah. I'm coming clean. So when you think about J-Prince, J-Prince runs a record label. What does the CEO of a record label hold near and dear? His artists, those are his children. So I called J-Prince. I called J-Prince and I told him, so hold up, before you even said it, at no point you didn't think none of this was a bad idea. Okay, backstory. This is my fault for trusting white people. What the fuck? What the fuck are you doing? Why would you do some shit like that? I told you! Hang on. Take it off. Why would you do some shit like that? Because they ran the record label. I understand, man. They ran the record label, he goes, hey man, you want to prank call J-Prince? We know him. And I go, are you sure this is all right? Oh yeah, J's a good friend. So I go, fuck it, rack it up. Again. Big, big, win big, nigga don't stare at me like that. This is fucking crazy. Come on, CD. Are you ready? Are you ready? Do you want to fucking go platinum or not, nigga? Do you want to fucking platinum chain? Shit! So you gotta call somebody that like... Let me see it a little. So you gonna do this regardless? You gotta go platinum. I got it. I flew to fucking Houston. I didn't sign the, it's a fucking contract. I've signed the fucking contract. You want my light? So it's a fucking, I got a record deal. So I got a fucking, my fucking say call J-Prince. Fuck it, let's call J-Prince. Come on, I'm so scared of this story, but go ahead Roy. So I call J and I say, amen. I run a record label. I be, I run a record store in town and none of these Rappelot artists is selling. They terrible. Oh my God. I ain't sold a single Rappelot record in two years. Come to my record store and pick up all this garbage ass music that you didn't dropped off. J-Prince don't say a word. You know a prank. You know, you wait on the back and forth, he don't give me nothing. J-Prince go, where you at? I go, what? Where you at? This J-Prince. Now you getting bucked now. I'm getting bucked with him because I'm just trying to loud talk him. At that point, I have no, again, the 30 seconds is up. Now we're improv land. So now I'm just loud talking him. You need to explain yourself. Explain to me why you charged me all this money, but it's all, where you at? That's all he kept saying. Slowly. Engineers start panicking in the room with me. So that's when I knew some shit was wrong because they didn't anticipate J acting like that. Another dude that was there, another dude from the record label, he come in the studio with me. Hey, J, we were just playing around. It's us at the label, where the LBD music, and just, sorry, J. And then J-Prince go. J, he stay with me, so I sit down. You over there, LBD music. I know exactly where you at. Hey man, turn the car around, and then he hung up the phone. And so everybody in the studio, shaking. I'll turn back to the same white dude. You're live, right? No, no, we're just in the studio. We're just recording the prank album. It's just a studio session. Okay. I'll turn back to, why do I go, am I safe? No. You in the same, you in the same city? Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah, we figure, he's a friend. We'll call him again. Call him back, he don't answer. Call him back, he don't answer. And so then I got in the fucking car. It's back in the day, you had to call a taxi, nigga, I called a taxi and waited patiently for a fucking Houston yellow cab to come pick me up. And I went back to the airport. From the studio. I was in Houston a total of four hours. I landed, prank call Jay Prince went back to the airport. So fast forward. These white people had to pay you for this shit. So fast forward, like 10, 15 years later, when Jay was on his book tour, he did Sway in the morning and he asked Sway. He asked Sway, Sway asked him about the story. He said, did this dude prank you? And was you really headed over that to the studio? And Jay just smiled and just said, I was just gonna go over there and laugh with him. Jay, we fucked up. Shit like that. That's what I got to quit doing prank calls. I mean, you did pick. Yeah, it was great. We laugh about it now. But at the time, I made the right call. You did? And fucking leave in the city. Oh, you left the whole city. I left, nigga, I left the city. It's fucking Jay Prince. And he said he coming over to where you at. No bitch, I'm gone. I saw the same day ticket, nigga, at the counter. Do you know how much that costs? Not online, at the counter. I walked into the counter. One ticket to Birmingham, please. You some shit you don't fucking play with. You should have known that that was a bad idea. I knew exactly where you were. That's a big, win big proposition. See, that's why I can't. If that prank joke goes off, then I'm gonna do that prank called Jay Prince. If it went wrong. Shit. Stop talking about it, because he might still be mad. I'm not done. I'm just saying that I have nothing to do with it. I didn't tell him to tell that story. So you do it, I'll fuck with Jake. Nah, I mean, it's, we good. Nah, I'm not done, man. We laughed about it. So it's all over. So it's the same thing that you asked with the Cleveland and the motherfucker got there with the set of shit. Bro, you mean to take a shit too far, man. What are you? Nah. You take a shit too far. Why not push the envelope, man? Push that motherfucker. Yeah, so that was it, man. What was the TBS show? Oh, that was Sullivan and Son. Sullivan and Son. Yeah, yeah, the bar show. TBS. We ran that for three years. Shout out to the homie Steve Byrne, man. Steve Byrne, he really understated in terms of just what he does for the comedians. Cause he put, at the time, we was a sitcom with like five or six stand-up comedians on the show. Like in real time, like in real time. Give me some cool as white comedian friends who make movies and shit. That's the ticket. Yeah. Gotta give me some. I'm trying, man. I'm trying. I got this joint for Fox. If that bitch go. Man, pitch some shows while you here on here, bro. I'm not finna pitch this shit to these niggas. Not to these niggas, but pitch some other shit to these niggas, man. It ain't like you ain't got shit for the streets too. You got to pitch to the streets too, bro. Show that probably when it come out. Oh, you know what I am gonna do? You know what I am gonna come back and do? And I'ma do it with y'all. Cause it'll be done right. That's the real. I wanna do, not want, I'm going to. Cause you speak positive. Come on, man. Who made shit? We're came through with the job. Everybody get your shit back. Come in here. Listen to what we're about to do with us. Bro, am I in? All right, we'll work. We'll work. We'll write you in. We'll write you in. We'll write you in. We can be an alternate. You gotta come in. Yeah. Give him that spike. See right here, everybody. Nah, I wanna do, I wanna do a parody. I'ma do a parody of Vlad TV. But we gotta do a parody. Ooh, we interviewing people from the 60s. He gonna fuck around and hear you saying that and really have some people on there. Welcome back, Vlad TV. Ms. Vera Wright, she is 89 years old. That would be dope, man. Cause I had said on him one time, I wonder who did the after parties for like the silver rights and shit. Cause you know somebody had a little fish pie. I had a good question about silver rights. If you was a civil rights groupie, when did you spit game? Cause like Dr. King had, you know what he had, right? And that's what everybody say. Right. When do you pull your chicks before or after the march? You really kind of do it like, you meet them at the church and you let them know that you gonna be at the march. You know how you used to like kind of like barnstorm and hit all the churches and be like, all right now, Saturday morning, we gonna be ready. So they would go like all the quiet practices. You want to play? Come on over for a plate, Mr. Habernath. Yeah. So you kind of had to work the church circuit first. I think it was after the march. I think it was after the march, you gotta get everyone there good. Oh shit. Hold up. We got game balance in this. My mother was mad at me. I was so mad at her. Man. What's going on, boy? She ain't coming to here with the usual. Respect to you, man. You see the type of shit we own, man? Look, man, I love it, man. I told you we had to get you in the trap, man. I want to ask you about some of the Comedy Central shit, too, man, and how did you land over there? And you been, you know, keeping that relationship open and strong for a little bit. That was, I gotta give it up to two folks, Trevor, Noah, and Neil Brennan. Trevor, Noah, and Neil Brennan. Shout out to both of them, man. Shout out to Trevor, remember? Shout out to Trevor. One clap. Give him some clap, man. Give him some clap. What's dope about Trevor, man, is that when I started at the Daily Show, he told me off the rip, he said, I don't want you to stop none of that political shit, none of that opinionated race shit that you do. First story I did, we did a ride-along with a police department in Wisconsin. Second story, this is what I knew was gonna be a good run, because he let me talk about black shit, but approached it from my own take, and there ain't nobody else influencing what we pitch, right? Right. 20th anniversary of the Million Man March, I go to Trevor, and I go, let me go down there. All right, cool. To the watch. And that's a spot where you wouldn't figure some jokes, or you figure it ain't no commentary on what's going on. But what it was at the time, so Million Man March, 20th anniversary, the motto was justice or else. So they kept saying justice or else. So we just went to DC, I asked white folks, what you think or else mean? You don't know what they said. Then you go to black folks to go, what does or else mean? And it's all the positive, empowering, we're gonna keep fighting whatever, but everybody on the white side thought that or else meant riot, kill, murder, burn this bitch down. So we was just trying to show how folks don't even know what type of shit black people are on. Trevor let me just straight take cameras down there to show that, and we cracked a couple of jokes, but at the end of the day, we was trying to show something that was fucking real. Yeah. And he let me do that shit, and like he been letting me do that shit since 2016, man. Shut up. It's all right. I'm letting white people know, they don't wanna see or else. They don't really want the or else. They don't want the or else. Cause what if we just said, you know what? Fuck it, they right. And we just took over all their shit. You talking about our shit? They shit. Oh, our shit. I'm just saying, if we just said, you know what? So you know they shit and ours, oh yeah. The shit that they like, we're gonna like that shit way more than they ever liked it. Yeah, so you don't hear anything more than that. Except for the Elvis, cause Elvis was James Brown. I'm saying, the shit that they, like you said, the shit that they love the most. Pull the video up now. Pull the video with James Brown doing this shit. And Elvis came out and did the same. No, what, what, what are the Beatles? Chuck Berry. Chuck Berry did that shit. Everybody. Yeah. Stole. Stole. So, so I started doing daily show. At the same time, man, I've been able to just be blessed and get a couple sitcoms sold. You out of your business. You know, kind of. They cash that one. Now see, that's the way they cash it. But that's where that, that's where that Steve Burn and that Sullivan and Son shit came through. Cause I had a, I had a sitcom, it didn't go, but I had a sitcom we shot over in Birmingham, where I played a probation officer. And the first thing I tried to do in that bitch was put other comedians in that shit. Man, let's do that shit. Let's do it again. We can do that shit. We can do that shit. I'm with it. Y'all heard? Y'all heard it? Y'all heard this, didn't I? Roy, what we doing, Roy? We gon' write him in. We gon' write him in. We gon' write him in. We gon' write him in. I agree. Do it that. Man, we gon' write him in. You in it, you in it. You in it. You in it. You in it. You in it. Just like you right here, you are in it. You know my grandma break it again. You already in it, man. You know you can pull up on the set. We'll put you in there, man. You tell yourself, man. Like, I gon' get in there, Chris. Man, he's gonna come, he's gonna come with the jails. Who don't? I'm ready. Tell him, fly. Yeah, it's just you start realizing, oh shit. You get these, you get these opportunities, man. You start, you gotta throw a hoop to other folks. Get other folks in the game. So that's what I'm trying to do to two folks. I'm gonna bless him, man. Man, you been killing that shit, man. Everybody's somebody because of somebody else. Hey, man, you be saying some real shit. Like, your jokes, they really stick around, like, somebody gotta cook these chicken nuggets, man. Man, let me ask y'all a question. I got a cousin that's a state trooper in Mississippi. Damn. Damn. Yeah, it's okay. In the blue on top. No, he the old school to do the brown. Ah, he ain't got shit. That's all, so that's what I was about to say. He run errands in the police car in his regular clothes. Is that good for the community or bad for the community? That's good for the community. Because he need to be, they need to be familiar with him. Right, even outside. Right, so when he pulled somebody over and he was like, man, I just saw you at Kroger. Yeah. It's a small town. Yeah, it's Mississippi, man. It's a small state. He one of them cities where you can park the police car in the front yard and don't nobody, I got one, I got one, I got a cousin. He'll undercover police officer. Everybody know who he is. He still come out trying to get there, arrest motherfuckers. Think of them, he's scared. Hey, it doesn't even get that crazy. They ain't gonna chill out, God damn it. Don't blow my cover. Like, bitch, we're at the family reunion. If you don't get that guy there, potato salad at the squad car. Ain't it weird when people reveal to you that they're a police officer? It seemed like they waited until they've seen you do all the shit that you would have been arrested for before they be like, you know I'm a cop. God to bless that peanut butter. You ever meet someone after the shows or whatever? Yeah, you can always tell who they are. See, y'all, I can tell that y'all get like, I imagine the cops that fuck with 85 South is like task force niggas, like niggas niggas. Man, I've been on TikTok and I've seen police sitting in the car listening to this shit in the background. Nigga, I smoked in the police car. Stop saying shit right for this story, man. You smoked in the police car. The crime is done. Right. You think you smoked in there? Nigga. Nigga? I drove one. But Nigga was hitting the light. Come on with it. In everything. And I'm just hitting the weed. Stop playing, man. I swear on everything. But he was like, I'm like, hell nah. That's a good solution. Now see, that shit doesn't make you feel famous. Like, I said this shit, nigga. That's the shit that'll make you feel famous. Like what, famous? Man. It was a nigga cop, too. Don't say that. Buried that nigga already on thin ice with that police department. I ain't gonna do no investing. Yeah, it's a man that will. Yes, they will. Turn in your body camera. We believe that they will. And we know. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Every time you hit that bitch, I was like, hell nah. I swear. I don't tell my sister when we met, bank roll fresh. Got that recipe, bank roll fresh. Man, the police probably get together on their off days and watch all that body cam footage and laugh like a mom. Why they have to delete so much of it. For that, instead of the other shit they need to. I go with my cousin and the police car sometimes to Dollar Tree. But I don't like it. What the hell? Cous, I don't like it. Because you got to ride in the front seat. I don't want to ride in the front seat. Because then you look like a snitch. You look like a snitch. Yeah. You look like a snitch. All that shit work. I trip that out. Can I make a vision? OK. My first car was a police car. For some reason, that's fitting. That's fitting. That's a real hood nigga shit. No, no, no. Don't tell my life. Or crowned it. Niggas would get locked up in this bitch before I got it. Right. No. Every time I would ride, they would just take off all that. Then you know, I'm like, it ain't me. None of them about riding. The crown had the big light on it too. Yeah, I think the little light on the side. It ain't work though. I just hold my arm out of it. Them old police cars are police favorite cars to pull over. Because they already know it's all type of bullshit in there. Oh, but if you buying a whole box shit. They already know the type of life you live in. Like if you buy a crowned Vic from a police auction and you just leave that bitch white, what the stickers used to be, would it be dirty? And you leave the light on it. You still see the flow. It like, it go out, it be like. You can always tell, like the difference like a police crown Vic, because they got bucking seats and like that, that throw up, like the floor that you can't vomit on. Mm. You're holding that matte float. Yeah. Yeah. That's the hard shit, man. Real bread, right? Niggas love them cars for some reason, though. Especially in Alabama. It's because of V-12. Nobody in Alabama, like no state rides more crown Vicks than Alabama. Everyone? Yeah. Even the longest. Alabama is a crown Vic and state. They love them. I don't know what you, a crown Vic or a Mercury? If they can't crown a crown Vic, they get a Mercury. Caprice classics. The old, I'm born early 90s, so a box shit, research shit. You know I know. Niggas don't know those flowbuses on them guys now. Don't crown Vic. When you ride, they motherfuckers lift up. You don't feel natural. Bullshit, getting the police go with the super charge engineer that was good and that, then my guts got watered over. I wasn't around and bought a police car. I bought a car from a nigga who was on the run and didn't know it. Damn. I don't know why he said that shit so cheap. He was like, man, give me, give me, give me some honey. I was like, nigga, give me this motherfucker now. Nigga, I swear, I rode there about two months. Paulie pulled me over and he was like, demarkers. I was like, nigga, my name John, the fuck? You ain't never switched to paperwork, man. Did you know you the buck? The title was lost. You know you could buy an old fire truck. You riding hot already. It's all right. Yeah, it's that me. That was a two-month-run car. Ain't never delivered. You fucked up. You can buy an old fire truck for, like, $800. What? Where? Birmingham. I'm going to start shopping at Birmingham. You can buy an old fire truck after a certain mileage. They just put it out there. I'm going to start paying attention to the shit y'all got going on in Birmingham, man. It's an old auction. You can get, like, a wagon. I don't ever come through here and buy this old truck. Yeah, because you know I fuck with the cars. I don't want an ambulance. I don't want an ambulance. But I fuck with the cars. I'm going to start buying an ambulance. I'm going to get an ambulance and be a little driver to get people to work with. Ooh, that's the name. G-wagon. Why not just get an ambulance and be an ambulance driver? This shit I'm about to start. Technician Hospital for Cheap. I'm about to start buying an ambulance. I can't. You see? That's your hustle. Music cars. 85 South Ambulance Service. Don't translate that. No, because it's cheaper to get an Uber than it is to get an ambulance. No, but y'all got the bed and shit, though. It's like Uber Black, but for ambulance. You can't trust it, though, because I don't, uh-uh. A nigga don't know if you're going to live or die. Yeah, that's too much. Too much liability. But for us to decide whether you're going to live or die, that's too much pressure. Too much liability. A nigga like, call the ambulance. He like, nigga, I am the ambulance. No, but first aid. I think you need to stay here. You're going to get somebody else. Yeah, we want to be able to render no first aid. First aid extra. You just got to get them. I'm talking about, like, just for twisted ankles and broken arms and shit. Whatever they call you for, you don't get to decide. Yeah, but, like, I'm talking about the car shit. I'm about to start getting some moving cars. That's what I'm looking for. Some moving cars. My mother been calling me about cars, and I've been sending her right to you, too. I need somebody with, like, 80 cars. I said, I know somebody who got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they asked more than everything. I said, call me on three way. They called it that. They be like, call those millers. You got cars. He said, I have a lot of cars. I have a lot of cars. What cars are you looking for? Oh, you looking to sell. Now I bought a regal for Manny Fresh. That shit hard. Man, if I was you, I would put that bitch up and don't touch it, and don't. You bought a Manny Fresh? I'm going to dry the fuck out of that regal. Guess what I'm playing now, you bitch? Cut the Monte Carlo with the regal, man. Get your roll on, man. Everybody get your muscle. Every time I get in that bitch, I'm playing that. What about the wasn't it's on? It's like, cut this Monte Carlo's and regal. Yeah, I got the regal. I got the regal from the scene there. I'm getting my car. Can I have a car for you? What you want? Ray, you don't want to spend no money, man. You be bullshitting. I'm going to leave you no. Can I see that? I'm going to leave you no. Can I see that? I'm going to leave you no. I was a tight ass nigga, man. Man, you got to pay to play in the car. I said, love me. How much you want for that? He said, man, he's not allowed. He was like, dude. No, I know you, man. You don't really want to know. Hell no, man. I'm going to play with that man. Say it with him. Say it with him. I'm going to leave you no. What you want for that? I'm going to leave you no. You see the type of nigga ask you how much you want for the motherfucker. Just spend money and walk off like he put you in the game. Dude. So what you spend money on? Like, I'm using two for 89 procedures on cars. Okay. No. Two 80 dashes. If I can get this one, I know it's another one I can get my brown away. But check this out, it's just one thing about cars. Give me some of that. I ain't got no fucking car. Give me the neighboring. This is the most important shit about cars. You get what you pay for. Definitely. You're not gonna get over on no fucking car. on no fucking car. I bought a 90C because it didn't run and I thought I was gonna rebuild it. Nope, no. And when it came and sat in my yard, I said, why in the fuck did I buy this? Broke it down, piece of bullshit. And you thought she was for real? And I thought I was gonna fix it. No. I'm selling this shit. 90 trips to Otto's home. Listen, everything has to be rebuilt and touched. You have to be patient to do that shit. Let me tell you. Honestly, I don't see any little things. It's just one particular story. I understand this, it ain't the car sometimes. Sometimes it's about how you get the car. Am I right or wrong? Sometimes. You know what I'm saying? Now you're gonna turn the car to whatever you want to turn it to, it don't matter. But sometimes it's about how you get the car and who the car belongs to first sometimes. Am I right or wrong? Sorry about you, you stole the car, bro. Now God, this ain't about me, but the fly know you ain't talking to him. You laughing at what I was about to say you weren't. All right, that's how we do it. I'm gonna go grab that motherfucker. Nigga, the vintage here. The vintage, all right. Give me a fuck, bro. Well, you know you the vintage here. Every goddamn. You know I know. I'm just saying, look it. The city told you to go stand, you shit. Look, look, this one story, look, this one story. The lady is an old lady who had the car, you know what I'm saying, and it belonged to her husband, you know what I'm saying? I think it was one of the grand nationals or something like that. And I think it belonged to her son or something like that. Yeah, one owner. Ooh, I know that car. You know what I'm saying? She by herself, you know what I'm saying? And you know what I'm saying? She like, baby, my husband passed away from me and I said I never would sell it. You know what I mean? Pass in the car. Nah, he passed in the car, he just passed away. But that was all she had to remember, you know what I'm saying? And those bitches being compassionate like that, man. You know what I mean? He was just like, man, if you feel like that, it don't even matter. Bitch, how much you want for the car? I'm just like, god damn car, look, what you was the grand dad doing? I mean, I ain't even want to tell that story. You know what I'm saying? But the nigga been talking about me and that, you know? Look over here. Y'all talk to them. You buy them rebuilds? Mm-hmm. That's the best way to bounce sometimes. Really? Don't talk to this nigga, man. Don't talk to this nigga, man. Don't talk to this nigga, man. Don't talk to this nigga, man. You know, fly. Let me tell y'all something. Let me tell y'all something. Fly. I was at the first show. I was at this and you know what I'm saying? First show when he rocked in the uptown. It was on the pictures right now. Y'all go to the Instagram. Check my Instagram. You did. You did rock for a little more. Long time. You know what I mean? Any nigga that fixed it in the auto zone parking lot? That me. That's, yeah. I love the park right there. That's his car right next to a little Caesar's. Yeah. In front of everybody. That car is important. That me. That dude who always can tell you what type of... No, cause I need help. What type of rent you need? Give me a $3.13. What do you need right here? $3.16. Give me a $3.13. Give me a $5.8. As soon as you get to it and tell you what it is, there ain't no goddamn $5.8. Amen. You didn't see, man. I saw you. My fucking battery died last week when I left here. I was at the gas station and my battery died. My battery died. I was in the Cadillac. In the old school. I told you. The car died. I said, fuck. Man, my fucking battery died. I got to jump this bitch off. This nigga pulled up in a suburban and said, no, the fuck you ain't. Jumped out. Boosted my shit off. I was like, man. I was like, hell no. I ain't let you do that, man. Hell no. I broke you too hard, man. Then they say, where? So my battery was dead and I'm like, you know, I'm popping the hood. You're like, shit, I ain't got no jumping cable. So I'm like, damn. Yeah. Then they were like, hell no. I got you. Don't tell them nothing. In the city. Now I remember one time. It's like that nigga killed the battery and jumped out too fast. Sometimes people be bad luck. It ain't even the car. Sometimes the people that be bad luck. No, man. Because I'm going to tell you right now, man. But that nigga looked out. You got too many goddamn cars. You not have no portable. The battery jumped. I do. But you know what I mean? I'm supposed to buy. How many of them motherfuckers? And keep them in the car? Yeah. 60 bucks. I got 60 old schools. And when I'm in the old school, I usually have it. It just so happened that I didn't even know. You got too much confidence. Look, look, look. They have all that. We got the car. We're gonna make it. He had it soon. I still got them. We had an accident. We did a show. We had an accident. You know what I'm saying? You had an accident. Okay. I had an accident. Let's see what's up. Let's see what's up. Let's see what's up. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. I did a брongnight. Brongnight. Right. Right. Brongnight. He's right. Right? You know what I'm saying? Homest bisque. Right. No, he's right. It's not. He's right. What did I tell you? There's $10 to $21 other than I'm tired of being in the airport, I said, well, shit, I'm gonna goddamn drive back here in the morning. He was like, you trying to drive back tonight? I was like, see, man, I really wasn't trying to drive. He like, shit, fuck it, they can see it. We drive, drive, drive. I was like, you know what, Carlos? You want to go back? We'll go tonight, no problem. Right. I'm Chris Jones, I'm the friend. Right, you drive. I'm Chris, that's what I'm talking about. I'm Carlos, I'm on the road with Carlos Miller, ain't nothing Carlos, you want to drive back, come on, ride with me. They do, but we have to take the real car back, right, right, Carlos? Nothing, cause he know he wrong. Let me tell you this, see, who law had mercy on Jesus? This boy, look, law had mercy. You know what, right? I remember, cause it was raining, it was raining so hard. Man, as soon as the show was over with, bro, you know what I'm saying, we leave, and we had to take the run a car back to the airport, you know what I'm saying? And we coming around the curb, you know what I'm saying? And some of this went off in my head, like, oh, no, it was just like it was hydroplaning a little bit, cause I wasn't supposed to drive the car, you know what I'm saying? Get the hydroplane, cause I won't put it in traffic. You know what I'm saying? Tiles baller than these bitches put it around here. I'm telling you, look here. DZ, when I came around that little curb, what'd you do? That motherfucker kept going, and then I saw the wall, I said, see, that's it. Boom, and when it hit the wall, I said, damn. Yeah, I said, I'm all right. I opened the door, I'm like, damn, I'm stuck in there. I was like, damn. Shit. Then I looked up, maybe like, I was thinking about like three, four cars pulled over, white dudes pulled over, construction motherfucker, pulled over like, hey, I think you can back out if I can get the stick, if I can get the, if I can get the plane to put it down. I said, all right, go ahead and put it down. Now I'm calling Los right now, I said, Los, matter how the fuck I accident. And I think I thought you were behind me. I said, man, I had an accident right now, bro. Come on. I gotta help him get this shit out of the car. Yeah. This job, two different cars. I'm taking them back to the water car. We had an accident. Hold on. So okay, all right, all right, so look. So look, when he coming back, right? So he coming back, by the time he coming back now, the dude that put the plank back there, he said, I got the plank back there. If you want it, you want to back it on up. I said, hell yeah. Get in there. I'm like, as soon as I did like this, you know what I'm saying? Scoot it back a little bit. I said, oh yeah. I'm out in the, in the road nigga. I'm like, hell yeah, I'm dirty too. Nigga got through drinking, I was drinking. You gotta go. I was drinking, I was going to chill till the morning. Somebody had to go. Here we go. Bro, when I got the car out of the road, Los coming back around now. You know what I'm saying? I said, man, how you doing Los? Man, what's up, bro? I love you, bro. My life flashed before my eyes. Los said, let me get your hands off me. Man, ain't shit wrong with you, man. The car right here. I said, man, fuck you, man. You want to sit up and act like that? I swear to God, I'm not lying. So we go ahead, we take the car back to the rental car place. I swear to God. Y'all sit up here loud, bro. You know it. Oh my God, how mercy y'all sit up here a lot. I'm trying to fuck you up, though. Why you ain't talking? Bro, let's get to it. Let's get to it. Okay, man. DC, when I seen it, nigga, he was crying, man. Man, look, bro, look, anyway, look. Anyway, bro, bro, the car intact, you know what I'm saying? It was a big old boom on the side, you know what I'm saying? Promises, bro, you know what I'm saying? You didn't cry like a mother. We didn't cry, bro. Where you been? We five hours away. Look, we five hours away. He's talking about where you been, man. Bro, we start riding, look, look. We start riding about an hour. We start riding about, look. He's a crazy party. That's exactly what that nigga said. That nigga said, where you been? He said, can you know I had accident before when I had lost my memory? But I had remembered that I had forgot. You know what I'm saying? That nigga, I'm full of shit, man. I got the car. Okay, can we get to it? Let's get to it. Let's have you up and get to this, man. So we riding still. Maybe like another 45 minutes, maybe. So you guys had a terrible accident. We in Kentucky now. You know what I'm saying? Why the fuck do you not get in this car, dude, man? We coming from Ohio, you know what I'm saying? I thought you were coming from Alabama, nigga. Nah, we was in Ohio. I'm from Alabama. Look at that, check this out. We riding. We in Kentucky now, right? Okay. Bro, it's raining, and Carlos said, he's that. Man, what made you drive this car? I said, what the fuck do you mean, what made me drive this car? I said, don't chill out, man, because I'm still trying to tell him I had an accident. He don't believe I had an accident. He said, he said, the car good? I said, yeah, the car good. Why wouldn't the car be good? He said, got the lights on the dashboard off. I ain't even looking at the dashboard, because I'm still shook from the accident. I'm just trying to make sure I stay focused. I look at the dashboard, I said, oh, the lights off. I said, the alternator. So I turned the headlights off. Soon I turned the headlights off. Low jump over me, like, motherfucker, what you doing? I said, I'm trying to save the battery. He said, boy, I don't give a damn about no battery digger. You know what I'm saying? I said, okay. So you're not putting the lights on together? And then I turned the lights on, and then the car slowed down. He was like, oh, shit, we ain't no way around no gas stations, nothing. I said, I told you, I turned the lights back on. I turned my phone on. Literally, I got my cell phone on, got my light on. So your phone is the headlight. My cell phone is the headlight now, you know what I'm saying? It's damn much more now. Bro, we're in the mountains, though. You know what I'm saying? I'm so mad at this. What the fuck is going on, bro? I'm going to do this shit, y'all. I have a plane ticket. I said, car, goddamn it. He's not ready to know if something was wrong when I had the exit in. I'm just trying to get to the exit right quick, and we ain't trying to get pulled over right here. You know what I'm saying? Not in this car, not right now. Goddamn it, we get to the exit, bro. The exit stayed like two miles. I said, Lose, this motherfucker is not goddamn right now, make it. I'm going to just see what's up. And I hit that bitch like 120 goddamn plates. And Lose was like, oh, he just put on the seat belt. He said, I'm good, nigga. I'm good. I said, I'm good too, nigga. I said, I'm good too, bitch. Don't you worry about nothing. We going to get nothing. Now, I'm trying to go as fast as I can in case the car got to the coast, you know what I'm saying? Bro, we finally get up the hill, and it started to go out again. I was like, come on, baby, come on, now, I'm shit. Lose said, man, this car ain't shit. You ain't shit. I said, I, don't you worry about nothing? Don't you worry about nothing. We going to get up here. Man, we got up the hill. And soon we came in the gas station. I swear to God, I said, I told you what? I told you what? We ain't got another inch to go out, right here. We literally pulled up right there. The gas part was right there. I said, yeah, bitch. Now what you got to say? What the fuck we need gas for to off the road now? But we had to get off the road. Wait a minute. We have to tell you the only fucking thing that saved us, nigga, the fuck, we, the only thing that saved us was the motherfucking gas station that we pulled up in was on the hill directly across from the hotel. Right. So when we pulled up to this goddamn gas station, I don't know what the fuck we going to do with the gas station. It's raining hard. It's raining hard. I said, nigga, fuck this shit. It's raining hard. The police was right there, low. Exactly. And when the police was right there, I said, we got to go. I tried to pull off again. Low said, bitch, we can't go nowhere. I said, we can't stay here. Where you going? I swear to God, we can't stay here. Where you going? We get away from the whole car. On the hill, the hotel, like the hotel right here, the gas station, like on the hill right here. So we got to goddamn go coast down the hill and just coast into the fucking hotel. Niggas, this is the worst Motel 6 I've ever seen. It looked like El Chapo trap house in that motherfucker. Facts. It's all type of motherfuckers walking around. Now, keep in mind, it's about damn near 3 in the morning. Oh, this is Motel where everybody outside. Man, it's so much foot traffic around this bitch. I'm like, man, ain't no fucking way. You know what foot traffic is. Now the guy in the hotel, you go to get a room and end up buying some pussy in that bitch, nigga. You know what I'm saying? There was a hotel right there. Hell no. Come on, now. Real dogs on paper can't stop the man. So look. Now we're down here. I'm just talking about Tila. Stay at this goddamn Motel 6, man. So just so happened to exit that we fucking coasted off on, it was a fucking auto shop off that bitch. But it's kind of like off in the woods. So the nigga, I said, shit, all the niggas out. We already know that shit. In a runicall. I was like, nigga, buy a battery. We could buy a battery and then we could see if we can get to this goddamn shop. Man, we get to this shop. It's some of them strange looking ass red niggas, man. But they nice as a motherfucker. They bad niggas sold us. Y'all don't get a burger from down in the street. I swear, I thought they were from the hangings. But this shit in the middle of the woods, it did woods around this motherfucker. Like literally, nigga. But this our last hope. Right. I said, no. This the last hope? Is it? Man, shit all the way up the hill, nigga. In the middle of nowhere, ain't nothing popping after this. And this white man be like, y'all gotta stay for dinner. We gotta stay for dinner. I already knew for ain't nobody. Listen, I already knew something was wrong, dawg. We ain't seen nobody sitting late night. They were trying to get us fat. They were trying to get us fat, like on cartoon, like Bud Bunny, when they begin the McCarrons and shit like that. And it was all your fault, Chris. Hold on. Let's get to the point. Look. We still ain't got nothing. I needed the alternator. Man, we get to these white people. We get to these white people's shop, man. We in that motherfucker about 10 minutes. The white dude go back in the nation. I can get you fixed up. Get it fixed up. What the fuck got to be wrong with your coffee, boy? You can get it fixed up. Right, right, right. We go get it. We go get it fixed up. Got it right. You do it. Man, so I was like, these motherfucking nice as hell. Then I looked around, they came back, and they were like, think we can get a picture? I was like, for what? Well, they say you the guy off MTV. I said, I'm told you. I told you he was somebody. You do shit, man. We were waiting in the fucking middle of Tennessee somewhere in the woods, woods. Remember when I fucking watched Wildin' Out? Man, they had a little son. His son told me I didn't took attention with everybody that got damn shot. But guess what? They got to speak still. I'm the strength, bro. We like, man, they motherfucking fucked up, man. He named the bunch of shit. I don't know what this prayer going to be. That man came out there. He said, hell, you owe me about $264. $364. $64. But he had that. That son never ran that good since he had it. That motherfucker was running amazing. Man, that nigga fixed everything. Man, that motherfucker got the pulling spark plugs out and all kind of shit. Hell, yeah, he got it fixed up. You got a number. We got it. But we'll never think about it. We'll never find that place again. Never seen it again. Then when we were leaving, he was like, at low, he was just like, see, boy, I told you, everybody ain't like that. I said, I know. So they left. They was like, see you later, niggas. See y'all, they shit. I won't talk to the nigga, bro. See what's up, man? Every time I come with you. You fucked up, man. Hey, man. DC, Roy got a new comedy special coming out, man. Where? Yeah, man. October 29th, Comedy Central. Imperfect message for you. Hey, I can't wait to see that shit. Come on. Now, October 29th. Bro, I know you ain't getting no shout outs on there, bitch. So you gotta shout your people out on this show so you don't know that you ain't forgot them. Like Uncle Derrick and them, the people who believed in you and shit. They already know it. They mad, cause I ain't say their name on this shit. Fuck them. Shout out to Florida and them, though. Okay, bitch. Damn you. You graduate? Yeah. Yeah, it took me five, but I got it. Took me five. Took me five years. You did it. You supposed to take your five. You supposed to see some, yeah. I'm with them. Yeah, okay. I don't give a fuck man. Fuck some hell. I'm self-educated. You finished? No, I'm self-educated. I'm just bullshitting. His mom ain't finished the third grade. You see what I'm talking about, dawg? Bro, dawg, dawg, dawg. Fly, don't do that. That's why you be doing that. Fly, don't do that, fly. Don't do that, man. Don't do that. Hey, man, lower back, but like I'm flyin' before my eyes, man. What you mean, man? The thing about it, man, he really said that shit. He didn't say, hello, who you been? I was just right in front of you, nigga. I turned around at the fucking... This is the most dramatic nigga you'll ever meet, man. Yeah, man. This is fun, man. I appreciate y'all for fucking with me, man. Come on, man. Don't let this be the last time you come through the trip, man. I'm sure. Bro, you wanted to find this cleverest comedian in the country, brother. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. And that's why we had to get you on here, man, and let you know that you dope as hell. And like, we salute you, man. I appreciate it, man. Matter of fact... Also, shout out to Birmingham, Alabama, man. Birmingham, Alabama, and Mainland, man. Right, man. Shout out to your father, Alabama. My father, Aliceville, Alabama. You done heard of that? Mm-hmm. During Seville weather reports. That's one of the... You know how certain cities you only hear about when the tornado coming? Mm-hmm. That's what it is, man. Douglas County, Montgomery County, Aliceville, Red Claim... He's like, where the fuck is this? Look at that. Aliceville, we fucked with him. Right. Man, they got damn. But y'all check me out, too, man, on that damn new season that roasts me on all death, you know what I mean? Damn, they can't tell Lana got some of the funniest comedies in the country, you know what I mean? And I got to say this, you know what I'm saying? Like, this is my first time coming on the 85 South Show. You know what I'm saying? Bitch, I supposed to bet here. But look at it. I'mma tell you this right here. This real talk. Carlos Miller, Roy Wood Jr., and DC Young Fly. All... are three of the funniest comedies in the country. Appreciate you, D. And bitch, I'm the other one. That's why I need y'all to follow me. And Chris Jones funny, man. This is how real comedies be, man, for real. Y'all know I used to sit around, watch shows and shit like that to see how comedies were gonna be when they get all around each other and shit like that, man, you know what I mean? But it's real magic. We got real energy, you know what I mean? No, it's just dope with y'all doing what y'all created over here for yourselves, because it really is a blueprint for other cats. But y'all don't have nobody to really even look at to build this. Like, it's just instinct and intuition, and you just get folks around you and then D.C., I was... Fuck who I am. I was talking to Steelo from... Nigga from Ridiculous. Yeah, Steelo Brill. I was talking to Steelo about you and how you used to come out to L.A. And we're like fucking getting to gym and get on fucking stage. Like, regardless of whatever you was doing on IG, you still, like, it's always dope to see somebody hooting crack one code, but still trying to come back and do everything else. There you go. Oh, yeah. Man, like, you used to come in tripping on Tuesdays. The comedy store still had the black... the black night. Right, right. We talked to Sunday. Yeah. We talked to Sunday. We talked to Sunday. That shit. That shit, man. Nigga wins this. And just, you know, being a cat from the south and understanding that transition from being and going from the south to being out on the West Coast and being on stage and then just got to make sure that folks come to you. It's like, you know how you see certain cats, you go, all right, then they're going to be all right. I don't need to watch no more of him here. Oh, he here? Do that? Yeah. Oh, that was a good joke. I don't need to see nothing else he doing ever again. Yeah. Then he's going to be all right. And then sure enough, years later, sitting on the couch with you, man. Like, it's fucking dope, man. So I appreciate y'all. I appreciate OG like these motherfuckers. You think what I'm saying? Who helped pay the way, you feel me? And by me knowing that, you still got to get those... I knew I had to go do that in order for you to just can't... You can't just come out here and do some new shit. I only reinvent some shit by being on stage. I'm ready to turn them up. Up there. The OG did it this way. Bet. I don't feel like I'm going to do the same thing with the OG did. And then I'm going to add my sauce to it. Yeah. Yeah, and then add your sauce. Because it's like, you got to do all the weird fucking rooms, man. Like, I remember, you know the fucking... You know used to be a good-ass time is doing comedy shows for dope boys. You know how to do a good ass thing? You said shit in the yuster. Go ahead. Good ass. Y'all boys that moved up around this bitch because I remember all of them were broken shit right here. Y'all that moved up around this bitch. Go ahead. Do y'all things. Even if they had no money, it was still a good time. Damn. Because they pay you and they pay you in dope. Damn. What kind of dope? They pay me and no guy there. But I ain't never take it. Oh, okay. I was about to say, I wasn't working around for that shit. I told me about one show. Roy, you call me one night. I don't know if you remember. You like smoke. I ain't got no shit in the fuck. I said, Roy, get out of here. Get out of here. I ain't got no shit in the fuck. You ain't got no shit in the fuck. Get my lighter, man. Come on, guys. Come on, guys. Man, my luck. Where's my goddamn pizza? What you been? That shit was in the lab. What we doing? I'm reading this paper. What's that paper say? November 6th. Oh, I don't get it, but... We ain't. We gonna be in Greensboro, man. At the Greensboro Coliseum Complex. Yes. In Greensboro, North Carolina. Greenboro, North Carolina. What day? No, I been mulled. That's right. Hit the whips at 85SelfShield.com.