 Algoedd yn ymwneud i'r, Ac ydych yn ymwneud y gweithio, Ac ydych yn ymwneud i'r, Ac yn ymwneud i'r, Ond yw'n cyflwyfu'r cwmbrion ar y cyflwyfu'r cyflwyfu, Yn ymwneud hynny'n, Konsglu fynd i ysgawdd yn ymwneud, Ond efallai... Yn ymwneud... Yn ymwneud, Yn ymwneud yw rubi ysgawdd ymwneud, Mae'r cyflwyfu'r cyflwyfu'r cyflwyfu? Efallai, mwy fyddwch i'n dda! Felly, fe ddim y pethau yn ddweud i'n ddechrau i mi ddweud i'r ddweud yn ddweud i gael y llwyntol. Dwi wedi'n meddwl, nad e'n gyfweld i'u sylfaenau i gael y ddechrau, am y gallu bod y cyfrifio ar y cyfrifio, gan y cyfrifio gysylltu gyrifio mewn cyfrifio, y gwirio ym 19 o'r cyfrifio, mae'r ysgol wedi'r labol a gyfrifio o'r ddechrau, a yna'r gweithio i'r ddechrau. ac mae'r drwsfodol yn ymddangos fel y cyfnod ar y llyfr yma'r drwsfodol, ac mae'r bwysig yn ychydig yn ymddangos. Felly, rydyn ni'n gweithio'r cyffredig. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio, ac mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio. Rwy'n credu yma, rwy'n credu 4 o 5 oed yn gweithio. Rwy'n credu yma'r gweithio'r gweithio. Rwy'n credu yma'r gweithio'r gweithio. Rwy'n credu 6 o 7 oed. Rwy'n gweithio'r reserfyr wahanol. Ac mae'n siarraau. Mae gen i. Mae'n credu bod gwneud, rwy'n credu rwy'n credu'r gweithio rwy'n credu'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio. Rwy'n credu dyma. Y top five tips What to do When one of your songs is used in the opening ceremony of the Olympics As one of mine was Four weeks ago I mean who of us here Hands up I mean who hasn't had a song Okay then All right Here's a few tips anyway You don't start a conversation With that I'm sure my mum does But I shouldn't If it happens to you You don't start a conversation with it Don't keep mentioning it Oh here we are here comes Mr fucking Olympics Hey Share the credit Spread the credit around Who's the guy who put all that music together I've forgotten his name But thanks to him Be thankful Absolutely be thankful And stay humble Just stay humble Let's just go over those again Share the credit Be thankful Don't start a conversation Don't keep mentioning it Stay humble Is there a problem with the lights Is there a problem with the lights Mr Lightman Oh my light isn't working Oh Oh this would have been superb wouldn't it So there you go Hopefully you could put that to use I also I just wanted to see what that looked like That big It's awesome isn't it If I said will someone take a picture And post it on Twitter This guy's a fucking dick So let's get into it for real Enough joking aside Are there any rock stars here today I don't mean rock star rock stars I mean programming Ruby So you've got the fucking lingo down Sass Atari Commodore Are there any rock stars here today That's great Because Jimmy John sandwich shop Looking for some rock stars And I do that For two reasons One I am a dick as we've established And two Things are just changing All the time Everybody's a rock star Everybody's doing it Everybody's a producer Everybody's a DJ Everybody's a rock star And I'm a dick So let's have a look at formats We looked at this last time I like this Formats keep changing I think I've been lucky In my music business And entrepreneurial experience When I came up When I started my label We'd make vinyl and cassette Not all the time And that made things difficult Because we'd have a successful band But maybe we didn't sell any cassette Or we didn't sell any of the vinyl So a band was successful But we were holding all this inventory Then CDs come along And then we're doing three formats It's just been crazy And that's been my world I think what's next Vinyl Of course just after I threw Her whole storage space Of fuck this vinyl Yeah bad news As I said last time I don't know what this chart means But it's It's great isn't it I saw Ash tweeted last night Only in Madison It was a good joke I wasn't out with you last time I would have just punched him in the face Biddle bing Biddle bing bing Boom I mean you know live and let live Ish I was trying to find a picture of a guy So let's have a look At my theory about what happens With formats and objects in general Things are weird and they're new They become adopted and iconic Then they become lame and discarded And after a variable amount of time They become a hip memory prompt And they become an object to get That's what's happening with vinyl This is a coffee table At the hotel I was at in Memphis a while ago Now people are going to be like Buying up coffee tables To get the vinyl back That's recycling right there Punk is now a beer Yeah what's up with that What's next Cassette tapes Or not I love cassette tapes And now I just found this online yesterday It's a cassette tape USB Drive In this huge Foldout thing Where you have to keep changing pens And mess things up and scribble things out But it's 29 fucking dollars It's a fucking USB drive Just so people go Cassettes I'm just looking at this now Like I want to leave an order one From Amazon right now So an object's weird new Becomes adopted then it's iconic It's lame and it's discarded And after a variable amount of time It becomes hip again And a memory prompt and a USB stick So let's test our theory With Mr Robert De Niro Unfortunately I saw Robert in New Year's Eve last night Has anybody seen that movie What was he doing Could he not have learnt his lines Also I mean bad news So at first he was weird New mohawk taxi driver He becomes adopted Then he becomes lame and discarded Analyzed this And this is where this was a music business class I'd question the The value Of his management team When they persuaded him to do Analyze that But no, he's not lame and discarded He starts the Tribeca Film Festival Injects The very damaged New York City With a new energy after 9-11 And then Tribeca Becomes a car Tribeca's a car Punks a beer What me in baby What about recording studios New York LA Does anybody want to work at the hip factory You'd say yes or no You don't have to sparkle If you do want to work at the hip factory You've got a bit of a problem on your hands Because they've turned it into penthouses They've taken It's like a Saturday night life Skip They've taken all of the people who recorded there And put all their music in the elevator But there's only one penthouse left So, you know, hurry It's not about The square footage or the faucets It's like, yeah, Lou Reed did Fucking heroin Right there Okay It's an object, it's weird, it's new It becomes adoptive And iconic And after a valuable amount of time It becomes a memory prompt Does anybody go to Abbey Road Studios To record because of the equipment It's to get an erection While you're using the microphone That Paul McCartney sang into Is that his spit Still Wait Or to try and avoid the microphones That Ringo Starr sang into Not that I'm not digressing all the time But what an asshole Did you see the The email he sent out Just as a warning to anybody As of October of this year He will no longer Be signing anything for anybody So do not send him fan mail I thought, asshole Just bury it In the back garden Don't just tell people they can't write to you Have some intern scribble Bullshit On an envelope You know Why would you do that Anyway So your fuck Ringo Starr is the side message Of this So what's important really With all of this Turns out Just vibe And we're back to a car Weird I just looked up Apple logos Can't see anybody It's weird though isn't it I just got asked To speak at the Apple store Anybody here from Chicago You don't have to say yes or no Just sparkle And I've done a lot Of shit in my life But I'm kind of It's like the Carnegie Hall Apple store on Michigan Avenue It's just a fucking shop It's just a shop selling electronics And I'm going to be like Make sure you get the Apple logo Behind me They're going to whittle by 120 slides Here's the four slides That we've cleared Go get them Marty Let's have a look at some strategies Strategy number one will be to have A fucking strategy Yeah you could laugh But people in bands don't People in bands don't Hey where are you going We're going on the road Where Hollywood Do you have a map Fuck off Map Number two get the fuck out of bed Easy for me to say I have a four year old now Four year old and eight year old A 15 year old and a 17 year old So most mornings I'm up Between four and five I'm getting kicked in the back Congealing vomit Oh crossed My neck Very similar to the situations I think some of you will find yourself In tomorrow morning But I'm up an atom Five in the morning And when I see other people start Filtering into the Twitter at ten I'm five hours ahead At the end of a week I'm 35 hours ahead At the end of a month I'm 140 hours ahead Not that it's a competition We're all in this swirling ball of shit Together right But we kind of are in a little bit of competition In fact we're all in fucking competition And stab somebody in the eye With a pencil That's another strategy Metastrophe I don't want to spend too much time on this But I was at the rehearsal hotel in Norway They just have bags of money over there Because of the oil And whatever else they've got going on And So I'm touring this rehearsal Hotel they called it And it was gorgeous Those metal plates halfway up the walls Carpeting A nice PA in every room Hanging from the ceiling Monitors, bless you, that worked A piano Not that anybody uses pianos anymore Keyboard stand, bass rig, two guitar rigs It was just gorgeous The elevators worked It was air conditioning This was fantastic But is that what we need? Is that what we need to use to get better? If I owned that rehearsal space I'd be behind the two way mirror With a series of buttons And once the guitarist started to get into it And the vocalist started to get into it I'd press one of those buttons And electrocute the guitarist I'd let them go for a little bit longer And I'd make the vocalist's microphone stop working I'd press another button And electrocute the guitarist again I don't know what I'd do to the drummer Something I'd turn a PA on and off I'd have a hole open up in the middle Fucking I'd have piss raining from the ceiling Because that's every show I've ever done So And a bunch of Apple laptops Floating in the sky So those are the Those are the situations under which you practice So that when you're on stage at Lollapalooza And you've been electrocuted Erking The microphone's not working And even though it's an outdoor show There's piss raining Fucking piss Martin Atkins was right We should buy his book You can triumph in the face of adversity That's what it's all about Anybody can do it when it's easy Pr triumph in the face of adversity I've got shit dribbling down Dribbling down the back of my legs Right now But if I hadn't told you You wouldn't have known Because I'm a fucking professional Free is the new black Just give everything away If you're prepared to give absolutely everything away Someone's gonna buy something You don't just give people a wheelbarrow full of your shit You give them one thing And a second thing kind of if they want that Unless your music, your book The stuff you have to sell is shit They'll come back for more If the stuff you're dealing Drugs, programming Same thing Whatever, if your shit stinks Then they're not coming back I think that's kind of correct Just do good stuff Give it away and people will come back for more It's not a problem if 20,000 people illegally download your music It's a problem if they don't Monty Python gave all of their shit away Their sales went up 23,000% I don't know if that works actually It's a free code for my second book Welcome to Music Business We'll post it later Did you get it? Okay Fuck by somebody else's business plan Masquerading has helped I've seen so much of this in the music business Home taping is killing music And it's illegal Well, no it didn't kill music Music still... This is 1980 1970 I don't know when this was But music survived another 30 years after that It's shitty bands with crappy live shows And out of tune vocals And not enough juice for the fog machine That's what's killing the music business Home sewing is killing fashion There's a whole bunch of these It's like just a whole range of t-shirts They're all wonderful Use your social media with Japanese table manners It's rude in Japan to pour your own drink So you sit and wait for somebody else to pour yours And that's social media, isn't it? You have to sit there and be nice And pour everybody else's drink And wait for them to pour yours You wouldn't use that as a pickup line Oh, that was an interesting silence But you have to camouflage your message If you're in a band, you don't go on social media I'm in a band, fuck off Everybody's in a band We just released an album, fuck off Everybody's released an album We got a show, fuck off Everybody's got a show Find out what everybody else is doing I love this quote, my dad gave me this quote You can make more friends in two months By being interested in other people Than you can in two years Trying to get other people to be interested in you So I use that all the time Love that one Fuck by yourself, number five Of course these are all out of sync The need for external validation Success is not external Success is like bad gas or appendicitis Internal Fuck by geography because America is big The top Ah Albert's 16 of the top 100 markets in the US Are east of a line from Minneapolis Down to Texas So stay east of that line The first time I saw that map And anybody in a band I've shown that map to They just go Oh fuck I was out to dinner with Todd Rungren For a ridiculous sequence Of confusing circumstances I was out to dinner with Todd Rungren Of confusing circumstances And he's like Oh fuck If only I'd seen this map Just look at the data Look at the available data And have a look at a map Before you spend your life Driving around a country Because gas prices I don't know what a gallon of gas is up here It's like five, four, eighty nine In Chicago now What is it here like three, twenty Almost four There's another reason not to go west of that Line There's nobody there I was trapped jet lagged In a hotel room in Norway And I've got like 90 maps Incidences of pig swine fever That's one of the good ones Fuck by yourself pursuing technical ability Whatever Whatever field You want to get into Type that into YouTube Followed by Child prodigy And you'll see some little nine year old kid Smoke your ass Fuck by allowing yourself to think That anybody gives a shit They don't Nobody gives a shit about what's important to you More than you Really I've got a lack of imagination One of my students Gave me this idea I went to class At Madison Media Institute I teach you in town like Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday sometimes And he's sitting there with A defrosting like a Home jelly pot On his desk Organic Blackberry jam Get me some Great for jam scandal Hits Madison Media Institute This is great Next week he's there with his pot Of like defrosting Organic home made blackberry jam Like oh yes This teaching shit Is finally starting to pay off Reach for the pot of jam Rich is behind it Pulls out a demo Fuck I'm like think Martin Think think Got the jam Throw that out the window On the drive back to Chicago Problem solved Cos you know when you give somebody a demo It's not a gift In imposition When I listen to somebody else's music Which I don't have any time anyway Least of all to listen to someone else's music That doesn't make sense cos I don't know it And then my brain starts Well if they lose the first four Move that bit there It's a fucking nightmare So it's not a gift Weirdly I don't throw it out the window On the way home I think you know Tomorrow I'll put it in the garbage disposal Or set fire I'm not sure I'm going to do something heinous to this guy's demo So the next morning I come downstairs Jam demo Put a couple of slices of bread in the toaster And I open up the jam pot That was It made it like one of those noises Thank you Shame that isn't one of the noises on your telephone Anyway It makes that sound That was filthy That was absolutely I get this like Of like fresh Not like store bought It was just really aromatic And blackberry Look at the demo The toast pops up Put some butter on the toast I put the spoon into the jam And it's quite runny It's not like a store bought jam consistency It's quite runny And as I spread the jam On the toast I'm going to have to listen to his fucking demo Not only do I listen to his demo I film myself With the CD His band is called Color Phase James works at the frequency Around the corner As if I know A frequency around the corner I film myself Putting the CD into my car stereo And I post it on YouTube As if he would know that I was going to destroy his demo Which he wouldn't have I told him He was sitting in the lecture the first time I did this He was like what the fuck This whole adventure But my point is What's your blackberry jam Scam Right His pot of blackberry jam Now he's I'm sure he's on social media Talking about blackberry jam And whatever it is you do I don't know what you do To make blackberry jam But there That's my blackberry jam scam Small as a new huge Why is it bands always play The largest venue Instead of the smallest Just play the smallest The worst thing that can happen is you sell it out And play another one Amelow get high Yeah I like that one too Can I go on extra 5 minutes Yeah So I like Amelow get high It's not a bad thing to have ambition You should have ambition You should be looking to the clouds of Apple Logos in the sky But if you do If you are looking up there You'll miss your next step which is there Right I was lucky enough to be at the Great Wall of China And it's a great analogy For this On the one hand you can stand to a distance Amazed By one of the seven wonders of the world I'm standing there And I got hungry Because there's a Kentucky fried chicken At the Great Wall of China I went down and I said to that guy This is wrong on so many Extra You stand Off to a distance and you look at the Great Wall of China It's just a fucking pile of bricks It's just A pile of bricks You can start your own pile of bricks Six weeks from now you'll have a shitty Meaningless not very focused pile of bricks Six months from now You'll have Great Wall of China 2 Going on And your friends will come over and go And you can proudly say Great Wall of China 2 This great wall And some of your friends will dismiss you as crazy And someone will be like hey This is insane, how can we help I like to help people with things That shouldn't be happening that are kind of insane Making those things happen Is fueling us Fuck A business plan Fantastic fuck off Looks like it's going to happen You made a really great plan there I'm interested in the stuff that this is impossible 3D printer If those guys went to engineering school They would have been taught that it was impossible to make a 3D printer Boom So Some of my little phrases Free is the new black Aim low get high Get difficult sometimes And when I saw one of them Printed In a major publication It made me cry Sometimes I feel like I'm just banging my head against a wall And to see it in print like that Even though it was kind of stolen It made me cry A great life Isn't about Great huge things It's about small things That make a big Difference And when I saw that in the Ikea catalogue Stay on top of the Stay on top Of Was that me? Opening ceremony of the Olympics Yeah Almost 11 seconds I heard a politician say A political strategist said this on I don't know O.R.T. is that NPR Is W.R.T. the NPR I don't know whatever It doesn't matter what's happening with this Or that Momentum Trumps everything And I think that's true You can try and buy momentum with money Get people to help you Take out ads and do stuff And pretty soon you won't have any money or any momentum If you have momentum You could get whatever you need Once you have momentum Always be nice to everyone Do the opposite A great example of do the opposite Some of my students struggle with this You've got Avatar $500 million new technology And the artist I don't know what the budget was for the artist Black and white, what's the budget for microphones No budget for microphones It's fucking silent, fuck off Brilliant Go green, do I care about your band No, do I care about the planet Yes Only safety comes from risk The riskiest thing you can do in this world Is to be safe It's a fucking font nightmare, isn't it I've had people come up to me afterwards I can help you Really? With which one of my problems Fonts I'm not looking for something that's global And huge And has a massive impact around the world We're looking for a fart In the elevator Not at the Sheraton You create an action that works And Vidal Sassoon The fuck out of it Rinse, repeat Rinse, repeat Never mind the fonts I've changed slide styles Halfway through It's a mash-up Make cool shit Because there's two types of shit There's cool shit and not cool shit You just have to make cool shit My friend Moldova He made an album With the song titles printed in electronic circuitry And it's a light sensitive Ferriman Built into his album I talked to you about these last time I was here Oh, where did they go? Smell my seven inch Scratch and sniff white vinyl Blueberry What's it sound like? Fuck off! It's scratch and sniff blueberry! That's what it sounds like Changed the conversation Do something interesting Kind of lastly If you know that you're fucked If you think that you're not Then you are It's a lovely little Disney-esque Thing I'm thinking about doing a whole musical Based on that Never be afraid to throw blueberry muffins That's my shit Thank you