 Hello, welcome, I'm Philip Magnus and I'm going to play some of Mass Effect Andromeda. Why am I doing that? I have no clue. I have heard many things about this game, good things, bad things and things in between, mediocre things, lots of things, stuff. At any rate, this is the newest from developer BioWare, obviously. The last game was good, but also buried in some unfortunate... is that? Oh god. Wait a moment, there is blur in the game, I hate blur. Mass Effect Blur is an awful effect. Now we'll have to remove it before I continue, for the simple reason that it is dreadful. Now I have some... I'm curious whether the game is going to run at all, maybe we don't need that, this thing, we don't really need that either. Am I missing something? As you see, my GPU is not the greatest, maybe I will leave this on. Generic BMP monitor, I will have you know my monitor is not generic. Graphics, all right. Overall quality, medium, medium lighting, shadow, mesh, shader, vegetation, am I missing it? Ah, film grain of course, here it is. I'm an idiot. It's of course going to be the first thing, whether or not. Let's get to it, shall we? I have heard not great things about Mass Effect and Dramatis writing. I have not bought this game, I have not pre-ordered it, I'm playing on the early access, early origins access per se. You play I think four, was it four Euro a month or five Euro a month and you get a bunch of free, and I put that in quote, free goods, choose gender. I shall play a male this time around. Actually, can't I hear the sound of their voices? Well, apparently not, choose name, customized twin, choose training. Maybe I will go with the female. Females are more endearing for me, customize appearance, choose training. Okay, choose training. She is nice looking, but we have to go in-depth in the selection process, right? Oh, good. Bowen has always had a way with making the entire process ridiculously difficult for the simple reason that most of their presets are, did I not? Yes, I want reset. Now, good, skin tone. Let's make her pale as death. Brow hides, I do not want to touch this. Cheeks, chins, eyes, mouths, nose, I do not want to touch any of those because I will make her horrifying. Let's see what hairstyles we're provided with. Oh, not bad. Actually, it is. No hair at all. Well, if the hair is awful, just cut it away. Hey, I kind of like that. So this is hairstyle seven. Let's remember that for later. Unkempt soldier girl. Nice. I like those. The dreads. Are those dreads? I think so. Here she is, more typically girly, very well kept, and kind of going bald. Yeah, I'm going to go with seven. I definitely liked seven the most. Is that seven? Yeah. Hair collar. Let us see. Whoa. Oh, well, you know we have to make it. Yes. No. Yes. No. Oh, no. Now this is just ridiculous. I love it. Let's kind of do something about her chin. Maybe make the chin a bit. Yeah. Chin does. Yeah. Yeah. I think we are doing something, gents. See, now she is just looking evil. For God's sake. The eyes are the eyes. Good. I can decide. Everything is some 10, so that's simple enough. Maybe here. No, let's leave that and wait. This is so creepy. Yeah. I definitely like that. Lip-tickness. Oh, Jesus. It wasn't mine. Maybe I should leave the lips alone. Hmm? Oh, God. That's fine. Maybe make her a bit more bitchy, because everyone loves that girls with small mouths are bitchy. And yes, I'm looking to you, dear girlfriend. I'm so sorry. Don't kill me, please. Nose height. No. Well, that is going to go well. Yes, let it be sharpened. Hmm. Maybe not quite as sharp. I love customization. It's a ridiculous nose size. Don't know. Too tiny. Is it too big now? That's what she said. Yes, I'm going back to the girlfriend thing. Sorry. Sorry, girl. I don't really want this hair collar. Let's have it be perfectly insanely, preciously red. Or this. No, she looks like a grandmother. She looks like my grandmother. Oh, that's interesting. Fascinating. I'm going to go with I love eyes in a collar. Hmm. Nice. Well, maybe a bit too creepy. No. Yeah. That's something not quite right. Ah, that's much better. And much creepier as well. Something about her cheekbones. Something about those cheekbones doesn't cheek wit. This is better. Maybe. You know. And the brow. Let's fix up. Oh, she is one surprised lady. Her nose looks gigantic. Let's leave this, shall we? I line a style and collar. Oh, God. So many possibilities. I will never be done. I will never be free to play. Ten hours I have until the game is released if I decide to buy it. You know, I will do forever and ever is this thing. Oh, God. Don't make her look like the world's second oldest profession. No, seriously. These eyeliner nose. Now, I shall collar awful, awful choices. Lipstick style. Lipstick capacity. Well, she looks scary. This is so much fun. Yes, let us leave her with bright. Let us leave her. No, too scary even for me. What's the other style? Oh, God. Not bad. I mean, it is bad, but so is this game probably. Lipstick collar. So scary. Let's leave it like that. It's kind of the best I will do, I think. Scars and tattoos. Scar style. Oh, you know, these scars look ridiculous. Right. They do. They really, really do. Oh, now they look better. Oh, I like this one. I do. I do like this one. Let's have it fade and tattoos. I can do tattoos as well. Well, this game has won me over with its amazing character creation. Oh, I like this. I actually like this. I'm surprised at it, but shall we make it? I'm very curious to see how exactly this works. Shall we leave it red? I think we shall. Let's make it darker and lighter. Nope, that's not lighter. That's entirely different colors now. About strange lenses. I'm messing this up royally, aren't I? You know what? I didn't actually see any of the other tattoo designs, did I? Actually, I did, but they all seem strange and unusual. Yeah, let's make it black. Sure, why the hell not? I'm amazing. Yes, yes. Escape confirmed. Excellent. I confirmed it. Now I can go, oh, customize history. Humor shepherd. All right. And confirm and start game. Advanced gameplay skills required. I'm going to play normal just because that is the best way to see how broken the game is. Right. I'm so, well, excited is the wrong word, but let's go with it. Shall we? I'm so excited. We are presented by a game by the great Electronic Arts. A bio-air production. So exciting. Every great moment in our history began with a dream. Oh, it's a nightmare. Wink. Each bold leap forward was achieved by those willing to do anything to attain it. Normally after stepping on a puddle, we are all of us leaving behind families, homes, the very birthplace of our species. Some for discovery, to see the unknown. Because they are redundant science fiction tropes. Because they are the other redundant science fiction tropes. Science, science. We take the first steps toward a new future for humanity. Today, we begin to make our dream. For the hundred thousand adventures embarking on this one way voyage, the future begins in a Andromeda. Yes, that is a real place folks. This is this game. It is based on an entirely actual event in a galaxy far, far away. Oh, wait. Hmm, wrong universe. Whoops, 634 years later. God, thanks guys. You must feel awfully cranked in that ship. Pardon in those ships. From what I know about Mass Effect Andromeda, this is not the only ship. There are many Archhyperion. Oh, Hyperion, such a good book. Dan Simmons outdid himself. You should go and read it instead of watching this silly video being played by this silly man. Seriously, the book is awesome. Best science fiction ever. Well, possibly. My favorite, at least. Andromeda Galaxy, Destination Habitat 7 in Helia's Cluster. Oh, it's a pretty little... Oh my. Cryogenics. So close to being a reality now, our own time. One hopes, anyway. Can't wait to freeze my arse off. Literally. I'm horrifying. I'm alive. You're gonna want to take it easy. I've been taking it easy for 600 years. Rather, Sarah, recon specialist, Pathfinder mission team. Pathfinder team, eh? The one's finding us a home. Can you make it somewhere tropical? Nice, warm ocean. Summer year round. How about we get her a cup of coffee first? We have coffee on this ship? Amazing technology. Oh, we even have bioderms. Or at least videos of bioderms. Yeah, it's a video, I think. Yep. It looks nice. I have to admit that. I know that voice. It's Natalie Dohmer from Game Thrones and Elementary. And that one cameo short scene of Captain America First Avenger. And what else? So easy, doesn't it? Don't choice. Don't choice has helped define writer's personality, emotional, logical, casual, professional. I am probably... It's what we're trained for. I'm gonna go with easy is no fun. Signed up for a little adventure before we settle down. Well, buckle up. Sounds like you'll get your wish. Yeah? Over here now? The Pathfinder wants you all on your feet right away. He said mission ready within the hour. Any idea why? No, but I'm guessing that's where your adventure comes in. Oh my. Okay, everything checks out. Why is the lip-sync so strange? Let's test your salmon plant. Sam, are you monitoring? Sam, are you online? Yes, Doctor Tepero. Good morning, Sarah. Are you feeling well? My implant? I just need a second to get my bearings. What's this about my implant? A routine check. After being in stasis, we want to make sure the connection is still live. As the team's mission computer, your well-being is my primary concern. Assuming the implant's work is advertised. Oh, that's... That's her warming toss. We won't know for sure until we get you in the field. How are you feeling otherwise? Still towing, I suppose. I feel like a 600-year-old popsicle. I hope we pack more coffee. Readings confirmed. Based on the levels of adenosine in your system, the neural implant is functioning properly. Wait, adeno what? It just means you're still shaking off your nap. No reason why we can't get you on your way. Though you may want to hang around while we revive your brother. It always helps to see a familiar face. I don't like the sound of that. Uh-oh. That's... That's fantastic. I'll say we're all going to die, but I'm felicitin' that we want. What the... Is that a space-grade barrier reef-like thing in a jing-y? We're going to fall to our houses in a few moments, aren't we? Something is happening! This is Korra. I'm at the cryo-bay. Brace for yourself. Everyone okay? I love the hairstyle. I think so. What happened? We're not sure. Sensors are scrambled. But it's good to see you're up. It feels like centuries since we spoke. This is the path I am. Mission teams continue preparation. Papa! Korra. Is that you? Report to the bridge. You heard him. Let's get... Uh, we have a problem over here. It's Scott Ryder. What seems to be the problem? Well, it seems to have problems with FPS. Of course, if NVIDIA decided to actually show me the FPS counter, that would be nice. But since the game hasn't officially come out yet, I will forgive it that much. Now, what I need is gameplay, difficulty, or subtitles. Subtitles. Where are they? Here they are. Yes. Journal Codex. I will save these for later. What is... Message from Jen Garcin. Hello, Trouter, and welcome to your first day in Andromeda. This is the dawn of a new era for all of us. As you recover from stasis, you know that you are in good hands. In a few short hours, you'll be leaving the Hyperion and joining thousands of your fellow colonists. As you chase your fortunes and build a new life, you've always dreamed about. It's been a long wait, but I promise you it will be worth it. Lovely, lovely, lovely. Now, I should... Good, so that's how I control this. I can't lose him. No, I'm not going to go with that, Corny. Realize this game is... Basically, the queen of Corny at this point. The game doesn't look all that great on medium, does it? Go ahead and try and... Switch it to... Higher, but later. Still in stasis, idols look good. Don't worry, Ryder. We'll take care of him. He'll make it. Nice. Hi there. I'm Jeanne Garson, founder of the Andromeda Initiative. I'm here to welcome you to a whole new galaxy. The good news is, the hard part's over. We're here to welcome you to the Andromeda Initiative. I'm just watching TV. Oh, so I can actually get some information. Show the Hyperion face the Shrike? By any chance? Aye-aye, Cap'n. Let me just do all this conversation. So they'll be coming. Or they are here already. The Andromeda Initiative, evaluating thousands of potential habitable planets within the galaxy. After discovering an unusually high ratio of potential candidates for golden worlds, the Helius cluster was selected as our destination. Excellent news. Who gives a crap about the old, though? Pathfinders. And Pathfinder just the luckiest. That's my papa. Yeah, I'm a specialist. Get it? Because I'm special? Well, that's heartwarming. Hayes. Yeah, probably nothing that... Oh, what's that? Another colonist here. All right. So we can leave him to die a cold, lonely death. Yeah, let's go ahead. What's wrong? Time to explore. Oh! Curious how this explosion waited for me to count upon it. Oh no! That's unfortunate. She has a scanner. Quick writer. Use it to locate the fault. Yes, ma'am. I'll try to get readings on the second conduit. Hey, I'll try to run a diagnostic. I'll overwrite the statements. Oh, gosh. We've got it. Scanning the whole conduit. Look for the fault. There's no indication of a fault. Relay 2C shows damage from a temperature spike. I love tutorials. So much fun. This scanning is going to be a hell of a boring thing, isn't it? All right, let me reset it then. There. It's reset. Yay. I'm useful. I can use my magical scanner to scan everything and to fix the world. I am the scanner of this universe. Good job, writer. Now we can get to the tram. Yay, finally. We're already scrambling. Oh, useless gossip part. The adventure begins. Not sure your dad will see it that way. Oh, my dad is probably going to die soon enough, so be sure. He won't be relevant for long. I mean, this is the game about the pathfinder, and I'm going to be the pathfinder. Not too long from now, so... Bye-bye, daddy. I wonder if I can kill him myself. You know, someone's about Shakespearean vengeance. Count control, report. We're drifting. Flight controls aren't responding. First priority is stopping these outages. Mainline power's been knocked down. We're on reserve, Captain. They won't last. What's our position? Unknown. We lost telemetry. Papa. Sam. Is that you? We need eyes out there. Attempting to adjust sensor array. Alec, please. You may be pathfinder, but this is my ship. Captain, the protocol's clear. In the absence of communication with the nexus or the other arcs, we proceed to our appointed golden world. Solid ground. If it's even out there. Nobody said anything about running into an energy cloud, and that's just a wild guess what we hit. Oh, well, I'm glad to know that you guys are wildly guessing what our life's at stake. Stop the bleeding. We've got 20,000 people asleep on this ship. Let's give them a chance to wake up. Can you blame her? It's her goal. She is the captain. I think she gets the final word. Well, he might. This isn't about having the final word. Yes, sir. We're coming through. Daddy, look awful. What's wrong with you? My God, golden world. That's habitat seven. New earth, if we're lucky. I am telling you, this is not the green zone. Well, it might have been 600 bloody years ago. She's right. It looks pretty dicey from here. Are we sure about those scans? It's a good question. Things can't change. People? Exactly. Exactly. I was just about to say that. Dad, you seem to have some semblance of common sense, please. Fight is a pass to glory, at least life, maybe. Please? Hint, this is not the sea. It's space. And now he gets a heart attack. Dammit. Not yet. I can't wait to be the pass finder. Harper, the rest of the team should be awake by now. Haven't spin up two shuttles. Planet fallen 30. Yes, sir. Koran Harper. A stubborn one, isn't he? He's not a people person. He looks, he takes after me. No one ever said dad was a diplomat. People's skills were never his strong suit. Just as long as he knows what he's doing. It's not like the cavalry's coming to save the day. I am the cavalry. I mean, I have the ponytail, don't I? Yes, it took me a while to think of that joke. Probably. That's one more of the top ten cormonious lines. I have heard in the last 20 minutes. I am scanning for helmet. I am picking up initiative helmet. First contact protocol. In the event any member of the Pathfinder team encounters intelligent alien life, it is imperative that first contact protocols be strictly observed. The Andromeda initiative holds the principles of peace and cooperation among our highest ideals. Aggressive action against extraterrestrial seismic permitted when hostile intent is clearly demonstrated and Pathfinder team members are at obvious risk of injury or, you know, that small thing called death. In there, Scott. Oh. Electronite is lockered. Looks like dad's already suited up. Yep, so it seems. Blah, blah, blah. Time water cooler. Of course, I'd love. Funny. Oh, well, I suppose not. If you insist, I will take my pistol. But you do know that me taking a pistol means that I will have to slaughter unimaginable hordes of aliens. It's why I don't want to take pistols, you see. It's because I'm dead incarnate. Dr. Carlyle, with everything going on, I think the Ark needs you more than we do. Pathfinder wants a medic on hand. And if that is home down there, I'm happy to knock on the door. You and me both. Or this could get rough. Seeing as I already have my gun, better to get into terminating mode. Yeah, we're just not sure what's on the other side of the door. No problem. But as teeth, I brought the pliers. You ain't come out myself. Oh, God. This script. We leave in five. Sir, we broke out the weapons as requested. Anything we should know about? Seem prudent, given the situation. We'll be down a man with Scott out. I heard what happened. Your brother's strong. He'll make it. He better. He better. He better. He better. He better. 600 year nap and he oversleeps. You know him. Never was an early riser. That's a good banter here. Just don't let him get to you. I need you sharp. And now they run this with, you know, the... Your mom would have been proud. Oh, God. Both of you. There is Corners, which is perfectly acceptable. And then there's nothing. I chose each of you for the Pathfinder team. Not just because you're talented and passionate, but because you're dreamers, like me. We dream of exploring the unknown, finding the edge of the map, and then discovering what lies beyond. When people look back on this, and they will, they'll remember we didn't give up. That we kept dreaming that our... One thing we don't have in common. Some of us know that... Dreaming is a... What's his name? A personal experience. All of us want to brag about it in front of a crowd. For God's sakes. Oh, you go and tell them, boy. Now, all we need to finish this perfect moment of Corniness is it's about day and time. Well, hey, that's in Starcraft 2 and not in Mass Effect, so perhaps we'll... It appears to be an unsteady mass of dark energy. If you say so. It's interesting. It doesn't look amazing, but that might be just my settings. Did we just pass, like, no, not a word? Neatly in Costa. Security and Sponsorist. Good to meet you, Liam. Hello, Liam. Get his, isn't it? Dead ahead is about... Rice, I suspect. Oh, no! Fight back, my son. Well, this looks like a sleight of... Uh-oh. Yeah. I'm not seeing this... I'm doing too well. Uh-oh. And you know what that means? Dead. Horrible, terrible. See? I told you. Half of us are going to die right here. Not you, Liam. And not Coro. But the rest of you are probably going to die. He'll survive. I'll survive, too. I mean... Approaching terminal velocity. Nice. This is so much fun. Dying is... Aw. Ouch. Well, I now know how the sex scenes are going to sound later on. That is useful. More science fiction should have these devices. All right, so I am now in... New Earth. Which doesn't look... It doesn't turn a bit like all there is. Except for, you know, the flying stones. Oh, wait! No. I'm going to suggest that we should get a new one. Any survivors? I don't know. I don't know. Told you. Yeah. See, I can basically see what the character is going to say just by getting that it is going to be the corniest thing possible. Yep, I could see that coming, as well. Well, it looks nice. World looks pretty. Those rocks out there are floating. Oh, nice! This is so cool. I'm so... Oh, yeah. I should probably date about finding supplies. Standard issue analysis. Well, this little tiny scanner thing here is going to be a joy. Skyhander and technology in life forms sends you research data points. All right. So, I'm going to spend most of the game researching things. Probably. I just... I just enjoy doing this. This is my favorite part of the game. Woo! See? All right. Anything over here? No? I suppose not. Oh, electricity. Let's go right over the electricity. Die! My brother has been hurt. No reason for me to live. All right, let's sprint. Sprinting! I believe I can fly. Oh! Hello. No? Nothing? Oh, well. I want to see if it's working. Take a shot of that fuel cell. It's busted anyway. Flying alien creatures. All right. I can shoot my gun. Boy, I'm going to shoot you in the head if you do not expect my aim. Whoops. Exactly. I saw it earlier. It's awesome. It looks nice. Oh, come on. You don't have to be... I was awful. High ground. Let us find the high ground. Obi-Wan Kenobi always seems to win with it. What's this? Interesting. I can certainly see some interesting bits in the game, but I really hoped that the game would avoid some of the calling of writing. Oh, you were a cop. Let's drink a pint and watch some soccer. Amite. Yes, it's going to be close. Oops. Yeah. Much better. Cool, cool, cool. For you, lass. I didn't even... Funny. This is where I have the high ground and you don't and you die. Or at least maybe if we were in Star Wars. Okay, that's... That sounds curious. Because we are the Pathfinders in training. Really? Can we multitask? Hello, alien. You look slightly like a proto... Uh, proto, not proto, a protein. But not. Yep. Now they're going to treat him. I think. I mean, I expect him to. Let's do this. And this. And then shoot it in the head. Yeah, that's how you do it. What did we learn? Basically that I should not be the one to contact aliens. And now he gets shot by aliens. Friends, probably. We are the villain. Milky Way rules. And the corn in the strikes again. You sure? Find us a ride out of here. Look at these bodies. What are these things? Let us scan them and understand. Well, I don't have... Organic life form. I'm trying to make sense of it. And then composition. Their armor leads us in kind of bone. But the genetics are all over the... I guess life took a different turn here, huh? Fair enough. Let's go. I hope the other team's okay. We'll find them. But we might... Should get past this in Sindiriyama. I want to scout around first. Fantastic. Oh, I do this by pressing the middle mouse button. That's cool. That looks really nice. And it allows me to move with great mobility. I quite enjoy this.