 Do you ever find yourself carrying multiple goals and you know you find well I feel a bit conflicted here in this. I mean, maybe I'm not focused enough But on the other hand you feel like yeah, but I don't want to be single-minded either. I need balance So I'm going to answer a question on this and I'm going to give you a very unique way To stay focused and to avoid self-sabotage by taking on too much having multiple goals Stay with me. So this video is all about Having more than one goal can be problematic. It can lead to this self-sabotage that we experience I'm going to give you a way to navigate this and it's a weird way. So just bear with me here. This isn't This isn't maybe something you you've heard too much before but This is a question from Roger now see if you resonate with anything Roger's been going through here I know I certainly did So Roger's question is I'm struggling to find balance with the multiple goals. I'm working on. Okay So can you resonate with that? How many goals are you carrying? Maybe you've got a few goals, right? A few different things you're trying to grow in So Struggling to find balance with these goals some days I managed to get everything done other days are a complete failure But more commonly I'll get a few things done but feel guilty for not doing the things I missed very very common and I can definitely relate to this So I feel conflicted. I Think I'm not focused enough because I have several goals But I don't want to drop any of the goals either Any tips on this conflict and this is Roger's question Okay, so what I'm just going to say here and if you find yourself in it in a kind of a similar situation to this Notice that we're only seeing two options Option one is that I drop these other goals and I only focus on one thing Yes, I'm going to be much more focused on that thing But there's kind of a problem there with that too But the other option is that well I try and maintain a balance between these different goals But what if there's a third option that we haven't considered before and that's really what this video is about is But kind of introducing you to the possibility that there is a third option So what's the problem with the first option this first option of okay? I'm going to drop all my other goals and just going to focus on one thing Well, look what's going to happen emotionally with that approach What we're going to start to feel with that is after some time of focus than being single-minded on one goal is we want to start to feel resentment and And because this is because those other goals that we have and we've decided to put them down They're probably incredibly valid and they're meeting some sort of an important emotional need for you So this is hence those emotional needs that are now being neglected are going to start feeling resentment And the thing is if we feel resentment like that for long enough those unmet emotional needs start to send Very very difficult emotions into the body that will ultimately end up sabotaging our attempts To actually stay focused on this one goal. You know, I see this a mistake. I see made here a Lot is with young people. Maybe they're in school or something and they're they're studying and it's coming close to their exams or something like that Or maybe they're in their last year of high school or college and Maybe a well-intentioned parent might say, you know, okay, look, this is a big year get focused drop all your sports drop all your hobbies drop everything else socializing and The person tries to stick to that for a while, but invariably they they get to this sort of resentment and The wheels fall off that plan pretty quickly. So that's not a great thing especially for a young person So there are big problems with this thing about dropping your other goals and just focusing on one thing granted. That's true So you could say well, look, let's have balance. Let me try and carry all of these goals at the same time simultaneously However, our problem with that is that the nervous system does not like complexity So it also doesn't like to feel overwhelmed, right? So if we feel overwhelmed we're also going to start to feel very indecisive because I'm now trying to juggle multiple things at once here and Typically what this will look like like imagine you're working on your career You're working on you're trying to learn the saxophone you're trying to write enough, okay, and you're you're carrying all these different goals and What will happen is? We will be overwhelmed and we'll be less likely to be able to Carry carry through on that But this indecisive thing it's sort of an undermining thing that will experience with that You'll be practicing your saxophone And you'll be saying to yourself. I really should be working on my career right now Or you know, you're working on your career and you're probably thinking about I Should be doing the saxophone Or maybe you've throw in your fitness goals into that as well and and you're you're at the gym And you're worrying about the work thing you have tomorrow So it means because you've got you're carrying all these goals consciously And you're trying to maintain a balance between it you start to feel overwhelmed and you never can stay fully present with one of the Goals, it's more difficult to do that. Okay, so if these are our two options and you know from for For most of us, I think we see these as the only two options available We will try we sometimes we we say well look this balanced thing isn't working I need to get focused and then we get focused and then we get resentful and we go back to balance again And then the balance overwhelms us and we say we'll go back to the focus thing again So what's it? What if there's a third man? What would that look like? Well? The third option and I talk about this in my book on procrastination in the book. I refer to it as delegating Okay, now who the hell are you going to delegate these things to they're your gold fair point So what I refer to it as I say delegate partially to your subconscious mind Now what that means is effectively you pick One goal that you want to really really focus on okay, and it's one goal that you're going to carry about your day in your life Consciously being aware of almost as if you are taking responsibility for just one goal consciously and You are subconscious mind To your subconscious we delegate these other goals of ours Now there are rules and ways in which this works and which it can work first of all you should have one goal in your conscious awareness intentionally that I am going to carry because We are conscious mind needs something to focus on without having any goal consciously like I've seen a lot of things like Subliminal things where they try and put everything on the subconscious and the subconscious is going to take care of it all Your your conscious mind needs something to focus on to anchor yourself in your life effectively So you can have one goal and typically for most of us That's going to be kind of about a responsibility that we might have it's usually a career goal or it doesn't have to be The main point is you have one goal you're waking up every day thinking I have one thing to do today right and You give these other Additional goals over to your subconscious mind now What does that mean to give these goals over to your subconscious mind? Well, here's the thing Yes, you have an intention you have an openness that I would like to see some progress in these other areas of my life These are the gold however You have to relinquish all control over What form that? Progress will take Okay, so we have to let go completely of control over those additional goals. We have an openness to it One of the things we can do is we can we can have an attitude of making it very easy for those things to happen With the conscious goal where you are carrying we can have very clear boundaries with that Okay, that's one thing we can do with our conscious goal and that having a having a Boundaries with that will leave a space maybe where your subconscious mind can move into to work on these other things But you're not telling yourself. Oh I'm working on my number one goal and I will have to get to these other ones soon because my subconscious is Doing them. That's not what it means. It means I'm going to do my conscious goal and if I do that I'm finished That's my responsibility don't That's my responsibility met for it for that for the for the day But we relinquish control over anything we give to the subconscious mind now Consciously you're in charge of your one goal and also relaxation Your default when you're not working on Your conscious goal is to just relax and the default will be to just do it very little Your subconscious mind is going to when it's when it's tasked with taking on these goals for you it is going to start to Influence you as soon as the space opens up in which you can be influenced, which is why we need boundaries with our conscious goal and You will start to notice yourself being more because you're letting go of control And you're not carrying all that weight. You're not being overwhelmed You're going to start to notice that these additional goals you just start to move towards them In a much easier way. There's less resistance around them But you have to give up control. So you can't say to yourself for instance, okay I'm giving the saxophone stuff over here to The subconscious mind and the subconscious mind Will influence you to the degree Where you play it for 10 minutes that day you can't sit back and be an armchair critic and say oh well Look, that's not really very good. It should have been for half an hour Maybe you see the thing is your subconscious mind has some kind of a plan that tomorrow it will be 30 minutes So when you're doing this approach, you have to give complete control to your subconscious mind You do have an intention and a preference For something happening there, maybe but you have to even release that Consciously what you're in charge of is your one goal and you can you can do your absolute best with that goal and Building psychological momentum that in that will help you probably with these other goals too, but that's not your major concern Work on my number one goal and also relaxation and rest guilt-free play that I talk about a lot If you can find that you will and you you'll feel like One of the really important things about having one goal consciously is you will get to the point a lot quicker in your day Well, you're telling yourself. Oh, I'm finished And there's much less in decision when you have only one thing to be consciously focused on With the boundaries, you'll notice that there's this opening in your in your time and in your day Where you're naturally drawn to do these other things without that control There's less emotional resistance to move it into them so I Hope that is a useful thing to think about for you. Give that a go. There is a third option one that doesn't involve feeling resentment Because you've given up on something you really care about and also one that doesn't involve Feeling overwhelmed because you're trying to carry all these goals and you're indecisive And you're also second-guessing yourself about where you're spending your time on what your time management is like So your subconscious will gladly take those off your hands for you But you can feel proactive and empowered in your life by still holding onto one of the goals And maybe it should be your main goal the thing that the thing that really you want to see progress in Maybe more urgently or above all other goals that you have So give me some feedback on that if you think that's a good approach. Let me know Maybe try it for a while If you've noticed that you fall into one of the two options that we mentioned earlier where you're feeling either resentful or Overwhelmed give this third option a go and see how it works for you and One of the things you can check out if you're interested in this Will be the book I have on my website. It's called forget happiness. It's a book on self-parenting and There's also a course on my website on it too But if you want to know what your emotional needs are and how to actually reduce conflict between these Emotional needs that sometimes feel like they're fighting for your time and your attention and focus It's there on my website. So the book is free. You can check that out Guys, thanks so much for being with me here and I hope that was a useful video and I'll see you again very soon Take care