 I'm the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man, and I'm here to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys. Yes boys and girls it's comic weekly time and here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness. Right out of the pages of fuck the comic weekly straight into your living room your friend the comic weekly man the jolly comic weekly man hello hello hello a little bit sunny how are you today oh I'm what did you do to have the most fun I went to the circus and I saw all kinds of animals oh isn't that wonderful yes I just love animals especially elephants especially when they blow water through their noses like a fountain yes I love elephants too oh and I am in the circus good what is it one's bigger than the other that's true but that's not the right answer well what is the right answer an elephant has fleas but a flea doesn't have elephants fuck the comic weekly very well I will in just a moment but before I do let's listen to this nice man now here we go with fuck the comic weekly and on the first page hop along Cassidy very well my lady six guns blazing as he thunders along give us music for hop along a telegraph man was attacked by a mountaineer and his dog because the mountain people didn't want anyone putting in a telegraph line in the struggle the telegraph man was pushed over a cliff and fell into a river where he was found by hoppy in his pals a little later a lovely girl came along and identified the man as her brother today California says as they look at the unconscious man hey young fellas plum lucky we were passing through in time to drag them from the river where'd you come from ma'am the girl answers our base camp I'm his sister gale sparks him failed returns my survey trip from a new telegraph line out of Denver and I came looking for him first picture next row as they lift the man to the horse hoppy says well he'll be all right must have lost his footing and some cliff ledge the girl answers or was pushed they climb into the saddle unless they get underway the girl says last picture second row ever since mine construction reached this area we've had strange accidents supply wagons burned equipment wrecked or stolen teams run off unless it stops our work crew threatens to quit big picture middle of the page hoppy says hey it sounds like somebody's mighty anxious to keep that telegraph line from going through they come into a clearing out of the trees and the girl says there's our camp ahead and a moment later they're in the camps surrounded by a group of burly man workers for the telegraph company the girl tells them first picture fourth row cans had an accident a couple of you men better help carry him to his tent hoppy hands her brother down to two of the men and then as he dismounts last picture fourth row the girl suddenly says the rest of you grab these strangers I lured them here because I'm convinced that they're responsible California exclaims hey you mean you tricked us first picture next row the girl says I wasn't full enough to swallow your pack of lies you blocked this project for the last time first picture bottom row like a bursting dam the enraged workmen swarm in and gulfing the victims while last picture the only one who can save hoppy and his friends lies unconscious yes it is it's very wrong to suspect people without any real good reason let's hope that happens next week now let's take a look and see father and his father was so happy to see yes but I wonder about our stepmother remember she was so mean to our that that's why he left home very well here we go with Prince valiant in the days of King Arthur heck it break it gray mulkin and quince music romantic for a fair fair Prince after two years of wandering and adventure off Jeffrey returns to his father's house his minus one leg and his desire to become a great warrior but no whining cripple is he but a clear-eyed confident youth who knows what he wants and intends to get it big picture top of the page art presents his guests his patron his hero the great surveillance Prince of Thule night of the round table next so do I see wealthy importer and then suddenly very shy our murmurs and this is Adele our father can tell by our manner that he's in love with a girl so first picture next row under shaggy brows sir Jeffrey glares at the girly space so it is with this per trick he must share his boy's affection oh well they're still very young and he orders that our guests should be entertained in the greatest style finally all good things must come to an end and so the guests depart but before they do our friend Adele sitting before the fire that night pledge eternal devotion and they also make some common sense plans and then our friend Adele the next morning separate and she goes with her father on his way last picture middle row assisted by his old tutor Torley Arff goes to his father's great library for he's hungry for the wealth of knowledge and beauty that crowds the books on the dusty shelves about this time some 50 miles away King Arthur Sir Lancelot and Gawain first picture bottom row are walking in the hall of champions where hang the shields of all nights present and ready for service suddenly the halt stare at a shield and sword that had not been there before it is a singing soar that belongs to Val the greatest fighter in the kingdom the king with a twinkle in his eye pulls his golden beard and mutters now what if I done to deserve this Lancelot says last picture I suggest sir we find the comparative quiet of some battlefield until he has gone but Gawain shouts bring on the pipers call out the dancing girls roach the wine casts and tune up the fiddles young scatterbrain is back I'm afraid so and King Arthur didn't know that Val is back and now must have a special surprise up you see he must have and maybe me next week we'll see more about that well now now it might be let's turn over the page past Perry Mason go past the loan ranger and they're on page five the magic words with me squeegee jump squeegee jump squiddly chicka-chack let's have music to better Donald is relaxing reading a book when all of a sudden dewey's toy plane wears right past his nose almost clipping it off sales around the room right past dewey's nose almost clipping it off around the room it sails again Donald yells third picture and away they go after it through the dining room they go into the living room dewey first picture bottom row sees the plane heading for him he picks up a chair cushion and the plane sails right at him dewey has caught it Donald scolds dewey next picture dewey replies hey I'm sorry Donald opens the door points outside saying outdoors where it's safe out dewey goes Donald slams the door and dewey turns the plane loose outdoors up in there it goes makes a circle heads for the house and last picture Donald sees a broken window and the toy plane standing nose down in the fishbowl and he goes ah and the fish goes yes he did and I'm afraid what Donald should have done was tie a string on the plane for dewey so it wouldn't have gotten away from him that's a very safe thing to do well now shall we see what's happening with Dick's adventures exciting time in the early days of America with George Washington and the army and they just won a big battle well let's go over to the last page of the first section and here we go with Dick's adventures and dreamlands say the magic words with me let's have music for adventureless dick in the middle of his dream dick wakes up sits up sleepily and says oh say we just won the battle of Yorktown Cornwallis in the British army are surrendering to Washington and oh gosh I've been dreaming about what happened in 700 day one and then still drowsy he shuts his eyes again and in his dream goes back back last picture top road dick finds himself in old New York the year is 1783 December the last of the redcoats has left America dick asks a passing continental soldier and say what is this place he receives the reply Francis Tavern boy dick looks up at the sign and says Francis Tavern well that's where general Washington said farewell to the officers who fought by his side during the revolution maybe it's happening now dick goes into the building the adders a room where are assembled George Washington and all the brave generals who fought under him in the American army for independence impressive is this moment as his beloved comrades in arms face their commander in chief for the last time dick beholds the saddened faces of Nathaniel green Henry Knox Anthony Wayne Alexander Hamilton Lafayette Koski usco Israel Putnam but many are gone forever fallen but not forgotten then Washington rises there was a hush there are tears in the eyes of many of the generals hard-bitten victors of a bitter war and there is a lump in George Washington's throat as he says last picture middle row with a heart full of love and gratitude I now take leave of you I most devoutly wish that your latter days may be as prosperous and happy as your former ones have been glorious leaving Francis Tavern dick rides with Washington to Annapolis where the Congress was then meeting their first picture bottom row Washington officially resigns his commission to the Continental Congress as head of the general of the armies of the American forces and receives the thanks of the nation dick sees the tears in Washington's eyes and says he's crying that night Christmas Eve dick goes with George Washington to Washington's home at Mount Vernon Washington smiles and says as he dismounts well from now on dick I'm a farmer nothing will take me away from my work then Washington goes into the house dick says last picture and but sir you're going to be president our first president oh he doesn't even hear me Washington said goodbye to his offices yes it was dick was right Washington was our first president too he wasn't and then now will we find out more about what happened next week I said he also because I love these stories about the early days of America and then underneath it's adventures here's Rusty Riley and I'll read that in just a moment but first here's that nice man again with something interesting to say now here we go again with Puck the comic weekly and on the bottom of the last page of the first section Rusty Riley magic words for the music please very well my lady gallop and run until the road is dusty give us music for his horse and Rusty Tex and Rusty have learned that a horse that looked exactly like Queenie's horse Snowflake had once been a very famous trotting horse named Reina Blanca and that the owner of the horse had been ruled off the tracks because it was suspected he had been dishonest Tex thinks that Reina Blanca and Snowflake are the same horse and that the owner of the horse must be Queenie's father they hope to clear Queenie's father's name and bring the real crook to justice today Rusty is on his way to Queenie's place to see what he can find out on the way he meets Queenie they sit down under a tree in the pasture and talk Rusty asks her third picture top row Queenie do you know if your father ever used another name when he was racing Queenie answers that she doesn't know for sure because she and her mother had only been east for a few months and that they had a ranch in Arizona until her daddy got so poor Rusty says last picture top row Arizona huh well one other thing Queenie did he ever like to wear soft shoes or moccasins Queenie answers yes that her mother was always buying them from the Indians and mailing them to him a little later first picture bottom roll Rusty is back at the Miles farm and he's saying to Tex he texts I think we're on the right track Queenie doesn't know if her father drove under the name of Catfoot Kendall but she does know about his wearing moccasins yep that's the way I figured Rusty well now lad if you aim to drive in a silky race you've got to learn something about it I was just thinking I hear they need a stable boy over at grassy acres they breed standard brains you can learn a lot about driving yeah but Tex my job's here with Mr. Miles oh I'll square to Mr. Miles Rusty we'll just call it a leave of absence I'm figuring if you keep your ears open you might just learn something about that race when Queenie's dad was disqualified Rusty exclaims cheapest that's right Tex it was their sulky that he's supposed to have sabotaged so that afternoon last picture Rusty applies for the job of stable boy at grassy acres the owner a husky fellow with his legs up on the desk puffing a big cigar is saying to Rusty okay kid I guess you'll do report to the wagon shed corny botch will put you to work Rusty answers yes sir Mr. Crumb thanks why that was a man you remember who that had the sulky that's been fixed so it would break that's right you remember very well yes I do don't I you certainly do corny botch is a very important name in this story well maybe he's the one who did something crooked and then made it look like mr. Kendall was to blame well we'll find out more about that next week that's a very clever scheme of Texas to have Rusty work at that other place because now maybe Rusty'll hear something and he'll tell Tex about it and then they might find out that Queenie's father was not to blame well let's hope so well now what now it's time for blondie and we won't waste a second here we go with Dagwood and Blondie Ramaphoo Ramaphamsim Zemzabi conjure me music for Dagwood and Blondie Dagwood is lying on the sofa trying to get a good day's rest when Blondie sweeps up the carpet she complains that he has spilled tobacco all over it again Dagwood rolls over and tries to take a nap just as he's about to drop off to sleep Blondie comes in she sees newspapers all over the floor she tells Dagwood he's must up the living that he's lying on the sofa with his shoes on so Dagwood gets up and picks up the newspapers thinking how sad it is that he can't get any rest last picture top row he's outside talking to Herb he's telling him about his tough luck and he says I wish I had a little den of my own that I could must up as much as I'd please Herb says cheerfully well why don't you build one in your cellar that gives Dagwood a bright idea first picture next row Dagwood is leaving Herb's place carrying a lot of old lumber saying with a smile a room all my very own Herb snickers to himself and tells his wife Tootsie I unloaded all that junk lumber on him for five dollars a few minutes later Dagwood is in the cellar he looks at one corner and says I'll convert this little spare corner of the cellar into a little castle where I'll be king and he starts working last picture of the row Blondie comes down to the cellar and discovers that Dagwood has practically gotten one corner of the cellar pretty tough very nicely into a nice little nook Dagwood says this is going to be a dream of a lifetime come true nobody allowed in it but me in an old time at all everybody in the neighborhood knows what Dagwood is doing first picture next row one of the neighbors gives Dagwood an old sofa another gives him a stuffed owl another one brings him a picture of John L. Sullivan the famous boxer another one brings him a spittoon another brings him a photograph that can play a spittoon second picture third row we find Dagwood painting his walls surrounded by his trophers and he says cheerfully I can decorate it with my favorite colors purple and yellow finally it's evening last picture third row he calls his family down and he points to the orderly little room and he says behold my hideaway is finished and it's mine all mine then smiling he goes upstairs to take a bath first picture bottom row he's lying in the bathtub with a patent pencil making notes and he says well let's see now I'll bring down my tobacco humidor my magazines my books and slippers and it's complete about an hour later he goes downstairs to his little hideout carrying his magazines and slippers and finds alexander lying on the floor lifting his weight bar alexander says it's swell for my gymnasium he sees cookie with all her toys and she says I'll keep my toys down here blondie stops her sewing machine smiles at him and says sweetly is the coolest room in the house and daisy and her five pups look at him and say which means you're the nicest daddy in the world bagwoods face drops he goes upstairs slowly and last picture he lies on the sofa in size philosophically well anyway I've got the rest of the house to myself oh I think that was mean of everybody to take away his nice pretty room after he works so hard to fix it out I do too and I think it was mighty nice of dagwood to be so nice about it yeah I think it was very about it I agree with you thank you now oh here underneath dagwood and blondie here's Roy Rogers you remember last week uh Roy was after the outlaws that had stolen the gold and had run away with it in the stagecoach yes so let's read right now and see what happens here we go with Roy Rogers king of the cowboys ah yippie oh now here we go with Roy and trigger a yippie oh ballast the big husky fellow has made beetle get into a big kite and flown him to the top of a very tall rock with steep sides quickly beetle ties a rope and pulley around a cleft in the rock ballast ties the box of gold dust to the rope as jut the leader of the outlaws rides up in the rig he had stolen from cube root Roy's friend jut says hi a ballast I decoyed Roy Rogers with a stage then grabbed cube roots book board house things going ballast replies great jut you should have seen beetle riding that kite to the top of the beauty jut jumps down hey hurry up hurry up will you rogers it's probably backtracking my trail right now ballast replies quit worrying quit worrying after I hoist the strong box up to beetle on the top of the butte nobody'll know what happened to the gold shipment at all and he gives a pull on the rock and up up up goes the box of gold dust third picture to the top of the rock where beetle is waiting for it suddenly beetle sees Roy heading their way and he yells down fourth picture top row hey hi jut ballast rogers and root are heading for the covered wagon hey what about me stuck up here quickly ballast and jut scurry for cover first picture bottom row Roy gallops around the bend he sees the wagon beside a huge rock he rains up he says to cube hey look covered wagon a trigger come here Roy climbs up climbs off the stage coach and on the trigger he says to cube root are you staying on the stage cube might be an ambush cover me with a rifle while I investigate cube answers when I'm a bit awkward with firearms Roy however I'm very handy with the slide rules Roy rides down to the covered wagon gun in hand he rains up in front of it and calls anybody inside come on out with your hands up there's a second of silence then from behind a rock and back of Roy jut snarls over quickly Roy world's trigger around with his back to the covered wagon last picture ballast leaps out of the wagon at Roy jut runs up from behind the rock saying hey get away ballast I'll plug this nosy cow poop ballast snarls no I'll take care of myself with my bare hand yes he's really in a tough spot now that bell like a giant he'll just crush him yes you'd think he would and that means jut is coming up with that gun in his hand too I wonder what I hope cube root is a good shot and will use that gun he's holding but we'll find out more about that next week I can highly wait well now let's go over the page oh yes he had outwitted the Martians and saved Dale and the professor's niece ginger and with a little rocket motor he was heading toward the space platform but what flash doesn't know is that the leader of the Martians that drew a little man named talk so has he's gonna leave him and he's waiting for flash on the space platform yes talk so sees exactly what flash is doing so please read now so we can see what's happening very well here we go with flash Gordon let's have music for heroic flash the lurking Martian talk so dodges into hiding when dr rough opens the airlock of the man made space island flash lands with the last third of rocket power and rough greets his lost niece tenderly he demands roughly hey what was all his nonsense about Martians that you radioed flash points to the hovering interplanetary ship and asks that looked like a mirage doctor last picture top role while dr rough guests and surprise talk so decides it's a good time to get rid of all the earthlings on deck but flash was watching for the man from mars he shouts take cover girls they leap out a line of talk so's cosmic ray shot fortunately flash's shelf was just in time talk so seeing that he has failed in exterminating the people from earth tries to escape first picture next row flashes swift ray barrage drives talk so headlong into space zigzagging toward the protection of his own ship he fires back at flash and blind raid last picture talk so's parting shot hits a rocket tank on the space platform and instantly liquid oxygen spreads out under terrific pressure trapping dale between the flame yes now he's apt to get away while flash rescues dale oh he'll have to go through those flames you know she's in really terrible danger well now don't get excited flashes a hero remember and next week we'll find all of all about that well now that's all the time I have but before I go here's that nice fellow with some more interesting information well honey and all your boys and girls I've got to go now all right mr. comic weekly man but I'll be waiting for you next week okay that's a date and a date with all your boys and girls be sure to meet me with our little friend miss honey next week when I read pock the comic weekly for I'm the comic weekly man the jolly comic weekly man I'll be back to read the funnies to you happy boys and don't forget boys and girls see you all next week your friend the comic weekly man the jolly comic weekly man