 army presents the big picture an official report produced for the armed forces and the American people this is foolish I can't sit here forever no matter how I feel just got to finish my letter I've got to write it and hope mother will understand will she really understand how well do I know my mother how well do I actually know her it seems such a strange question to be asking myself after all the years we've been so close to each other that's the problem all those years all those warm wonderful years how do I write what I have to say without spoiling any part of it how do I tell her that her own hopes can't be realized yet only because they don't happen to coincide with mine how am I being selfish am I thinking only of myself I don't know how does one judge all I know is that somehow I must write what I feel explain what my decision means to me and hope she will understand perhaps it would be better if I asked for special leave so I could sit with her and explain no would still involve my finding the right words and how did that poem I learned in college go words are but such empty thanks for all the good you've wrought dear mother I know how anxiously you've been waiting to hear from me about my decision and I am sorry that it's taken me this long to make up my mind it was really not an easy decision to make I feel my biggest problem is not just telling you what I've decided to do but in explaining things so you will believe that I am doing what is best for both of us and thinking about it now it seems to me mother that while I've always told you about my experiences as an Army nurse I have never actually expressed to you what these experiences have come to mean to me and why perhaps the best way to start is to try to recall for you all that has happened and pass through my mind these last few days beginning with the meeting I had with Colonel Lee Mark you remember her you met her when you visited me here last Thanksgiving and next to you mother she's one of the most considerate persons I've ever known I hope you understand Ruth that I'm obliged to call you in this way and ask what you've decided to do I'm sure they think I'm pretty remiss in my duties as chief of the nursing service here at the hospital for not pressing you for a definite answer long before this I know Colonel Lee Mark I'm sure they do Ruth we can't hold up your decision any longer regulations say you should have given me your answer weeks ago I've run out of excuses I know and I'm sorry well actually is not regulations I'm as concerned about as I'm about you and your connection with the core Ruth you know how we feel about you how much we think you've grown professionally and as an individual now I for one have made no secret about how far I think someone with your interests and capabilities can go as an Army nurse I'd hate to see as lose you mostly I don't know I just haven't been able to believe that my answer depends upon me alone and I haven't been able to do anything about it I'm sure that sounds foolish and I'm just as sure that if there is anything troubling you there's undoubtedly a sound reason for it well I've always found there's nothing like a good sympathetic listener whom you trust to help settle the questions on one's mind or am I crying oh no of course not you can't imagine how many times I've thought about coming to you it's just that I was afraid you'd think I was behaving like a foolish little girl who'd forgotten to grow up I think you know me better than to worry about anything like that you know what happened the last time I was home on leave my mother had taken all the money that I'd been sending her to use for herself saved it and gone out and bought me the best car she could find as a surprise is that so bad no at least not until you know the other things from the time my father died when I was just six years old my mother has worked and struggled to make certain I had everything I needed no one knows how much she sacrificed for me mother never went anywhere or did anything without me and yet she never ever discouraged me from doing the things I wanted to do on my own she must be a wonderful person oh she is especially to me when I talked as a child about wanting to become a nurse she not only saw that I finished high school she put aside enough money to ensure my enrollment at the University School of Nursing and when I went out and got a job to help out she was terribly upset because she was afraid it might interfere with my studies things like that have made me very fond of my mother but if you were so devoted I don't understand how you became involved in the Army Student Nurse Program you must have known it would mean separation at least for a period of time I brought material about the program home from school mother saw it after we talked about it we both agreed it was the surest way of my getting something I wanted very much my bachelor's degree in nursing she encouraged me to enroll for two years even though she knew it meant my being away after graduation for three years and now that you require time is almost up she wants you to come home she hasn't said so she never would but I can sense it I can see it in her eyes that I'm her great achievement in life her only achievement she doesn't mean anything by it it's just that she's always had so very little I know that she would like for me to come home and work in a civilian hospital where she can point to me with pride as her great achievement in life something she and I have been able to do in spite of everything but what do you want to do Ruth I don't know the need for nurses in civilian hospitals this is great as in our own core and I'm sure you'd find the same challenges and rewards but that isn't what you really want is it Ruth how can I disappoint someone I love Colonel Lee Mark how can I tell someone who's always been so generous to me that she can't have the one thing in life that might bring her her greatest happiness I wish I could answer that but I can't at least I do know now what kept you from making a decision Ruth no one can tell you what to do or has the right to it's just that like so many of us at some time in our life you're standing at an important crossroads and the sad part about that is that no matter which path you choose you're going to bring some happiness and some unhappiness to yourself and everyone else involved the only thing to do at a time like this is to try and weigh everything in a kind of mental scale and then try and select the best possible path you understand don't you Ruth yes Colonel you must try and measure what you give up with what you gain whichever direction you go and which is more likely to bring you the greatest possible happiness and I have the feeling that whichever makes you happiest would be what your mother herself would have chosen for you I'm afraid I haven't been thinking very logically Colonel may I have a little more time well I don't think they'll court martial me if I give you another day or two thank you Colonel and truth even though I said I had no right to take sides I hope you don't mind my mentioning again how valuable I think you are to the court I went to my favorite spot to think a lovely park near the hospital Paul and I always came here when we had something personal to talk or think about I began by recalling all the experiences I could remember having since joining the core my thoughts went back to my graduation from college which was very exciting but more thrilling was my flight to Sam Houston Texas I who had never even been in a plane before here I was traveling almost a thousand miles from home Brooke Army Medical Center and the Medical Field Service School where all new medical service people are brought for their introduction into the Army and the Army family from the moment you arrive you begin to feel somehow that you've been bought on a new and terribly exciting adventure everything is so new so different including the clothes you get to wear in the field and those you wear on other occasions clothes that have been so well fashioned they flatter every girl who puts them on and you also begin to realize how good it feels to be an officer in the United States Army the Medical Field Service School at Brooke is often called the Army Medical University here you are indoctrinated in the special problems involved in the practice of Army Medicine and here you begin to appreciate that you have become a member of a large important community dispersed though it is over the country in the world the Army you suddenly begin to have a feeling of pride in yourself and the other nurses you're with some from allied nations you're glad you made nursing your life's work but you're happy you're still to be doing it in the service of your country because our national and civilian defense must always be safeguarded the Army nurse is given an opportunity to work under field conditions various situations are simulated for the medical staff which has been brought here so that each might practice his or her particular skills under what might be considered trying conditions accept that you're constantly aware of the thought and study that have gone into each piece of field equipment items carefully developed for the most difficult kind of surgery for the care and treatment of patients as well as for the comfort and well-being of those whose duty it is to perform these services and when the new nurse talks with her new frown friends she finds that she's not alone in feeling that this episode of her life is quite romantic field nursing is only one phase of Army nursing and so while at the medical field service school the Army nurse observes and practices her skills under supervision at Brooke Army Medical Center of which the service school is a part this is no small opportunity for Brooke is one of the largest military medical installations in the world you don't realize it at the time but you've begun a period of sustained and systematic learning that need never end for an Army nurse if you enjoy learning new things all the time as I do and having fun along with it as everybody does both come naturally with every Army assignment you enjoy doing new things many activities you never felt you could afford before there are always those dances at the offices club where you can relax in the pleasant company of such very nice people so I enjoyed every moment at Brooke remember how excited I was mother when I was assigned to Fitzsimmons Hospital in Denver Colorado it said the wise person is one who knows that the more one learns the more one realizes there is to learn at Fitzsimmons the truth of this struck me although I was still quite fresh out of school I had been thinking about myself as a nurse for some time now but here I had the greatest chance in the world to discover for myself how much there is to know in the profession of nursing and the wonderful thing about being an Army nurse is that your interests your ambitions are always encouraged every effort is made to place you in contact with all facets of nursing so you may grow professionally just as far and as fast as your abilities will take you besides general nursing the Army nurse is instructed in such other areas as the special care of cardiac surgery patients and the victims of respiratory disorders she has taught the use of a great many types of special medical equipment of which the Army has the latest and finest she may work with anxious mothers to be assist in the marvel of bringing a new life into the world and observe the special joy of parenthood for the new mother as well as for the generally disbelieving and bewildered father the Army nurse is exposed to pediatrics and the particular medical problems of the very young to orthopedics and the most advanced methods for the treatment of every type of injury as well as those who have become mentally ill the learning process never stops you meet regularly with those who are more skilled and knowledgeable than yourself so that you may speed your own development attend hospital seminars for detailed instruction in various medical and clinical problems or the latest facts in medical advancements or you may enroll under Army auspices in a nearby college or university to obtain a degree if you don't have one or to work for a higher degree yes the learning process never ends if you don't want it to your total education is further increased by the insight you get of people what makes them tick and by the understanding and appreciation you begin to feel for life's complexities and some of its seeming miracles and you give thanks for the fact that you have found your way to the work you wanted most to do in life and for the opportunity you've been given to do it for the welcome awareness that comes in the shadows of the night perhaps of the special rewards reserved for those charged with the responsibility of restoring the ill and the injured back to health but no one expects your growth as an individual to proceed in only one direction you are continually encouraged to add to your general knowledge your social physical and emotional growth simply because the more you accrue to your personal assets the more valuable you become to yourself and the service and the beautiful rocky mountains only a short distance away from Fitzsimmons Hospital provide the loveliest setting for every interest the adventurous hikers and lovers of nature for the most avid and incurable romanticist and aren't we all but my richest professional experience came with my assignment to Walter Reed Army Hospital Washington DC Walter Reed the hospital of presidents of statesmen of Army personnel and their families internationally recognized as one of the finest hospitals in the world and what an opportunity it is to be stationed here for here you find you have entered still another new and exciting aspect of your professional career the hospital looks in most respects like hospitals you've been in before but a most unusual and significant thing seems to happen to the nurse a short time after she arrives here an entirely new vista opens up and she sees herself not simply as another nurse but as a vital part of a closely knit dedicated team teamwork is the watchword of Army nursing everywhere and while you know it exists wherever the army provides medical services its full meaning seems to have escaped you until now perhaps it's a symptom of your growing professional maturity or it may be the fact that you are in contact with some of the best trained minds skilled hands medical scientific and technical specialists to be found anywhere whatever the reason you as an Army nurse suddenly find yourself looking at your patients with an increased confidence born from the sure knowledge that you are a part of a creative and excellent team a team of surgeons and physicians in every branch of medical science some internationally recognized leaders in their particular field scientists and researchers in chemistry biochemistry and many other disciplines all seeking to pull back the veil from the unknown in order to save more lives and increase the effectiveness of our medical service there are nurses who are teachers of other nurses technicians operating special equipment and performing special services without which no modern hospital could hope to operate effectively and efficiently today physical therapists utilizing the latest techniques to restore the functions of injured limbs and body tissues occupational therapists skillfully guiding patients back to full and useful lives dieticians who with great ingenuity daily meet the challenge of an untold variety of tastes and needs in hospital food and the army public health nurse who works with military personnel and their families in keeping well people well and in nursing the sick back to health among their responsibilities are providing prenatal care assisting diabetics and in following up on the full recovery of TB patients when you go over in your mind as I did mother all that had taken place in such a short span of time you realize many things I realized that I had learned something new about nursing and medicine every day I had spent as an army nurse that I was part of an organization made up of stimulating people who were intent on saving lives and on finding new cures people who constantly provided me with the widest horizons both of the mind and the spirit and I suspected that army nursing was no longer a means to an end for me as it had been at the beginning but a way of life is this a private say answers anyone invited Paul I didn't hear you I was just being my usual quiet and reserved self how did you know I was here I just said to myself now where would she be if she wasn't in the usual haunts right here still meditating the big question any luck I think so anyway I've been doing a lot of thinking about things I haven't thought very much about before meaning me I hope I'll look Ruth why don't you do what I've asked you to do what 50 a hundred times why not just up and married me and check the rest of the problem right on that pool there bet your mother would like that no go I can't do that Paul I love you I just don't think that marriage is necessarily the answer to any problem yeah I guess you're right and much as I hate to I have to agree with you well as long as you keep your promise to marry me I'll just have to go along you know it's troubling you Ruth I do because you're a lot like me you're ambitious you started your nursing career with practically nothing and now you're not only well on your way to a master's degree but to becoming a full fledged expert in psychiatric nursing and you're afraid you lose both goals if you quit the service now say you're not planning to go on for a medical degree and become a doctor are you no silly one doctor in this family is quite enough well that's a comfort I could see is both competing for the same practice well anyway where was I oh yes I was saying that you're very much like me with we both suffer from an inner drive that just won't let us rest a drive that can best be diagnosed as an insatiable hunger for new knowledge new experience of course not all people are like that but we are my mother and father both find it very difficult to understand why I prefer to practice medicine on the army well from now at least to any practice I might have in civilian life Ruth they just don't fathom the tremendous satisfaction you and I get out of meeting new people making new and lasting friendships seeing new places meeting new challenges not only in this country but in such places Lebanon they can't appreciate our sitting and brooding about the fascination of the work to be done in Korea or wherever the vital interests of our country should demand our presence that's an important key to us for strangers it may sound to some you and I are the kind of people who strongly believe in doing something important and worthwhile for our country wherever it takes us now you believe in that as strongly as I do I know I've watched your faces some of us have talked about the deep satisfaction we got from our work and experience in distant places and now you see yourself adding to your personal and broad educational experience in such places as Paris and Rome beautiful beautiful Rome Hawaii or any one of a dozen other intriguing places around the world Paul of course was right both he and I were people who thought less of serving our own purposes than we did of serving others wherever we were needed neither of us we knew could be happy any other way and so mother right at this moment I just can't bring myself to do what I know you hope I will do I can't leave this work I've come to know and love at least not yet that doesn't mean I love you any less or miss you any less or want to be near you any less what it only means is that I find at the moment that being an army nurse is being something very special I have yet to hear of another place where nurses are as much the doctors right hand his counsel and his confidence his extra eyes and ears as we who are in the core even the patients we treat have a special regard for our being what we are I find it very gratifying and the rank we hold lieutenant captain major and hire makes us something even more special right now mother dearest I just can't give any of it up I hope you will understand I plan to visit you very soon until then and with all my love your daughter Ruth