 Being alone. Being alone. See, I thought this was a block and I thought Neil's not even going to go for this one because probably everybody comes in here and says that they're blocked by being alone, but nobody has. No, not that I can think of. Okay. I am very... You have a very active mind. That's what's interesting about you. It's like the kid from the Letterman kid. The kid who was on Letterman, not David Letterman, the kid who was on blocks. What a great episode. Yes. Taylor Townsend also a great episode. Yeah. Oh, did she do this already? Yeah. She beats me to everything. She's done it twice. In seven episodes, we added one. I didn't know how active that kid's mind was. Right. The Letterman kid. This, what's great about new Chrissy, you are, you'll say Chrissy Chaos. You'll say fucking Anxiety Tuesday, Sunday Scaries. Just you'll say, are my sexuality, like it's, everything is available. Right. And it's very fun to watch. But my guess is, you know, you like having a place of receptor. Right. I think it all stems from this fear of being alone because even I've noticed when I'm driving, right? When I'm driving, you know, in peace in the car, pure daylight, whatever, not scared of anything, just driving, I'm constantly looking for people to call to talk to through the drive. Like the moments of just sitting quiet, like I do it. I've been forcing myself to do it. I'm very inconsistent with it. I'm a big goal of mine is to stay consistent with it. One of the hardest things I do is trying to sit quietly and meditate. It feels almost like an impossibility to try to do this, you know, the transcendental meditation, 20 minutes twice a day. I'm like, I can't even think about doing, like to sit down for five minutes with my eyes closed and my thoughts. I'm like, I have to talk to somebody. I feel like I'm alone. I'm alone. I'm alone. People who travel alone, it feels at this point in my life like inconceivable to do that. The amount of loneliness I'd feel, the amount of pressure I'd feel, the amount, how much I miss New York, it would, it would, it would be so much to the point where I would be like, I have to. It actually happened. I went to England. I was doing shows in England and I was by myself. My friend was supposed to come meet me. He couldn't get out there. I had tickets to the Yankees Red Sox in 2018 when they played the one and only Major League Baseball game. They played in London, England, my favorite baseball team of all time in the Yankees, their main rival, the Red Sox. I paid all this money for these tickets. There's trip over there. Bookshows around it sell no tickets, just a full loss and Taylor added shows in London. That is true. She actually played in the game. So two days before the game, I still had gigs left on the schedule. The game was the focal point. I felt so alone, created a scenario in my head where I thought I had appendicitis. It's just gas because I was eating fish and chips like it was my job, which it was. And I flew home. How's that job pay, by the way? Great. It pays in diarrhea. I flew home and got and convinced myself you're flying home because you want to see your daughter. You're flying home. This is the right move. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Get home. My daughter was by my mom's house. Go knock on the door. My mom's like, what are you doing here? I was like, I want to come home early. I missed the baby so much. Blah, blah, blah. I have appendicitis. Yeah. And a mother's just intuition. She said, you were scared to be alone in England right away, seven o'clock in the morning. She was like, you're scared to be alone in England. Single tear in your face. I was like, I am. I was like, wow, I was. She was like, man, she was like, so you didn't go to the game. I said, no, it's tomorrow. She was like, you're going to regret this, honey. And then we went in, made me breakfast. Never mentioned it really again, but it was profound where I was like, as soon as you said what is your biggest blocks like that still is the one that I haven't. I feel like the other ones I've how much do you eat on those tickets? Oh my God, dude. I because I bought my ticket and for my friend, I was out three grand, which you know, I mean, there's a lot of money now. But back then, I mean, everything kind of insurmountable. You know, like I was like, I am I'm fucked. Yeah. And and so I still that being alone, I haven't the other ones. Again, you never you never fully conquer stuff. I think there's always, we all always learn, but that being alone one is as big a block today as it was in 2018 where the other ones are way less blocks. I don't think you're wrong to like people. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't think you're wrong to want to talk like I have friends who call me on the phone. I don't want to talk on the phone really, but like it's I don't mind it. You know what I mean? Like, clearly they like talking on the phone. They like people they like reception, the comics call me whatever. Like how does it hurt you though, other than the Yankee tickets? I think ultimately it comes down to, you know, when I'm alone, then I think I have to still get faced with it. Like all the noise comes down. It's like you I still get faced with all these all this work I still have to do and all these questions that I, you know, say when we started the show that I wanted to have answered. So I could be the best version of myself for my daughter. I think I have to get faced with all these questions that I still haven't answered. And I'm still not even, I believe close to the best version of myself. And what what are my kids going to think of this imperfect failure of a dad? But also this idea that we're bad. Yeah. And we need to work on ourselves. Yeah. Is Catholic. Yep. Original sin can't get rid of it. Yep. What I've come to recently that may help you is like, I'm not going to die and be like, did it? Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's never going to be solved. Yeah. So just like, maybe arc toward better. Right. I woke up. I looked in my house and half my furniture's gone because she's moving out today. Wow. There was a feeling of sadness, a real deep sadness. Yeah. Tell me, tell me about it. Well, you know, I was living with Kalaila for 10 years. And we've been broken up for about six, seven months. Yeah. And I don't know, this is the first time where I'm just kind of like, oh, this is real. Yeah. I'm alone. You know, and you know, I had a loud house, like I would wake up and there would be people in the living room. Yeah. Laughter, joy and all the stuff. And I don't know, man. You don't like being alone too much? Well, I haven't done it in so long. Like, I'm just sort of readjusting to it all. You know, I don't know if this is real or not, but I honestly don't believe that I'll ever be in another thing again. Do you ever hear Larry David used to drive when he was a cab driver? No. In New York? It's like two years ago. No, it was 40 years ago. When he drove into New York and he's like, when I would drop someone off, I would think I'm never going to get another fare. Yeah. He would think like, I'm no one's ever going to hail me again. That's our thinking. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't want to though. That's the thing. I look at certain guys like Paulie, you know what I mean? And Spade maybe. And I go, oh, that, you know what I mean? That could be a lifestyle that I could get. To some people, it's a cautionary tale, honestly. It is a cautionary tale. Yeah. To some people, but I'm with you in that there are times where I go I think about how I feel by myself and I think about how I feel with somebody. And sometimes I think that being with somebody is significantly more stressful to me than being by myself. Because the expectations of my, when I'm by myself are nil. They don't exist, right? Yeah. And the expectations when you're with somebody is like you have to behave a certain way. And it's hard and it can be gratifying. I refuse to compromise. No more. Oh, we ate, you know, we ate steak last night. Let's go to this vegan place before it's like, okay, I'll eat that. Not anymore. Have fun. I'm going to Morton's again. That's where I'm at now. Yep. You mean, oh, hey, we saw that scary movie last night. Let's watch this fucking romantic. No, fuck yourself. I'm watching the scary movie again. I'm not doing any of it. Go to my friend's wedding. Go fuck yourself. I'm not going. Brunch. I'll do that. Okay. I'll do brunch. No, I'm with you, but it can be, and I don't know if it's a personality type or if most people, their fear of loneliness is greater than their reluctance to compromise. I, because I think, yeah, I know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You're right. It'll change. You're right. You're right. I don't know. This is the first day, so I don't know. It might change. Who knows? I might meet, you know, the one. Right. Who knows? You know what I mean? But this time, I'm going to go public or white. That's my next venture. We were talking earlier about how you, like, you feel like you've had to change, like getting married and your wife wants changes or whatever. Yeah. What were the changes? You know, I got to grow up a little, like, you know, I was always like a wedding. That's what are we doing? That's dumb. Yeah. This is like, I want one. I was like, all right, I'll do it. So she's like, it's important to me. It doesn't matter about you right now. And I was like, all right. So there's stuff like that where you're like, and now a person's relying on you. And what really did it was she had my back on a thing once. And I'd never had someone really have my back. And I was like, all right, I'm marrying her. That's really what did it. Never had a woman like fight for me. Yeah. And or even a friend really coming to think about it. But so that was huge. So I was like, all right, she's loyal. She'll stick with me forever. This is almost nice to have that moment. We're like, oh, good. Yeah. Before they're even on the clock. You're like, okay, this person exactly will defend me. Because that's a big one for me too. It was like, I want different. I think when I think about growing up, I always think about like being like sent to my room, some sort of incident. I'm crying sent to my room and I'm just sitting there like, where the fuck is everybody? Yeah. Like where the fuck is everybody? And I wonder if you, you must have had that. Totally. You felt, I felt alone my whole life. And then someone having your back, you're like, oh, this is a partner. Oh, really? Was that in your vows? I did. I told her I didn't want to do vows, but she wanted them. So we did them privately and that was in there. Oh, great. Yeah. Because again, that's the cringe. I can't say vows in front of other comedians. It's too hard. Yeah. Fantastic. Have you been in any real relationships with women? Yeah. And how did it go? Like it's bad. It goes good for a while. Yeah, that's what, that's what happened. Yeah. It goes good for like the first few months. And you can't keep it up. I can't keep it up. How do you know that? It's what none of us can. We, here's how relationships work. Women pretend to be sexual and men pretend to be thoughtful. And we can both do it for like three or four months. And then it goes to what we're really like. And then we start getting mad at each other. Yeah. Why? Is that just human nature? Yeah. Because we both want a thing. I believe men just want like sex and a connection. And women want, women want a connection and they'll take sex. Like whereas we have to, like it's a problem for us. We don't get it. So they, we both present in a certain way. And then we come to them. We're like, I'll give you a connection. And then they go like, I'll give you sex. And then we, and that's kind of what happens. And we, and it's also like new structures. Yeah. I don't know. I just after a few months, I guess I don't want, I don't long for a connection much anymore. After a few months, I'm like, I don't know. Sometimes you just want to go back to being alone. That's the problem. That's maybe the issue with people like us is it's pretty, pretty good. Pretty fun. Yeah. A lot of fun. We got good, we got good. We got a full cable package up here. We can entertain ourselves. Yeah. Like I was an only child for a long time. I've never lived with any of my siblings up until now. So I'm like pretty good at just me and my TV. If I didn't have a TV, I'd lose it. That's the connection here. I mean, that's the, yeah. That's a great connection. I've lived with a girl, my son's mom. And I remember like sharing the bed was the first like, whoa. This is the end game. Was you got to find somebody to share a bed with? I had my own bed my whole life. And I had to share one. I feel like a demotion. Yeah, sure does. Now I also have to share control of the remote. Yep. And you got to wait for the bathroom. It's like prison. Yeah. What the fuck are we doing? Also she doesn't wait until I'm done using the bathroom. Like you get less privacy. You get less TV time. And I know to a lot of women this just sounds like immature. Like that's your big problem with the TV. You're like, yeah, that was my best friend growing up. TV. Yeah. Yes. Also like hate most of their TV shows. Yeah, that's the problem. The men and women don't have a ton of shared interests. We don't. It's like we pretend. But I can do like a few date nights. You know, and maybe that's just me not being ready for marriage or whatever. But I don't know if I will be ready for marriage just because like I'm not going to be able to share a TV every night for the rest of my life. Yeah. And then it's also would you be in a relationship? Would you be one of those dudes who like has his own wing of the house? You know what I mean? Dude, you need that. Yeah. You need that. I feel like and it's only fair of a woman gets that too. Yeah. I mean, I a lot of women now are saying like I don't even want to live with a guy. That would be fine. Which is great. Yeah. Like, yeah, you're it's a smart way to approach it because it's not. Doesn't mean I love you less, you know. It's like this isn't going to help just constant. Yeah. Other person in your face. That is nice. It's not going to make you like I fucking adore it's. Yeah. And maybe that comes from like my own issues too. Like just like things never being stable at home. Yeah. Like things were always changing. People were in and out the house. But one like unit, you know, being like a perfect couple and living together from like this point until forever just seems like a crazy goal to me. Look, if it weren't for children, there'd be no. No, I don't even think women would want to do it. Yeah. I think it's just about safety. It's about creating a stable environment for a kid. Now, on the other hand, unstable environment, exhibit, exhibit a nothing, but it is TV's best friend. Pretty good. Cowabunga on Netflix. Hey, did you like that? Did you like that? Yeah. Did you like it though? You want more don't want to work would rather watch videos of me grab acid with people. First, I'll go up here to subscribe and then go up here to watch more clips. This is like when the weatherman says there's a high-pressure system coming in. Although I'm not really used to the green screen.