 W-E-A-F, New York. Scurrets, please. Yes, sir. Oh, just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You'd never guess, but Avalon's cost you less. Being welcome to Avalon's time with Red Foley, Jeanette, Edna Stillwell, the Avalon chorus, Bob Strong and his orchestra, and Red Skeleton. The orchestra opens the program with step-up and shake my head. Distinct advantage that makes it superior to all others. You'll gladly give it a trial, won't you? Well, Avalon cigarettes have two all-important advantages. Highest quality, exceptional economy. Points of marked superiority that have made them the outstanding cigarette buy of today. Now, Avalons are union-made from an unsurpassed blend of the world's finest Turkish and domestic tobaccos. Millions of smokers say you couldn't get finer quality cigarettes regardless of price, regardless of brand. That's why you'd never guess that Avalon's cost you less. Three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands. Highest quality cigarettes at a worthwhile saving. Avalon certainly deserve a trial. Why not get a pack tonight? Social security. I went to New York and saw Nova in the Bears Den. What a fight. The first-round bear looked like he was born with gloves on. The 11th-rounder looked like he was gonna die the same way. I wanted Edna Stillwell, my secretary, to go to the fight with me, but she was so modest she refused. Just because the newspaper headline said, Tonight, Nova will fight bear. I love fights. When I was a kid, I was the problem child of the neighborhood. Every time I'd show my face, all the other kids would start running. And they never caught me. I'll ever forget the first time I fought in the ring. I walked to the center of the ring and I took off my robe to show my chest, and I got a mash note from a washboard. Mmm. I only lost one fight my entire career, though. I misunderstood the referee's instructions. I knocked my opponent down. The referee yelled, Run to a neutral corner. The only one I could think of was Randolph and State. My next big fight was in the Madison Square Garden. In the second round, I said to the guy, She says, You're yellow. He was yellow. I was black and blue. I drew back the theme and I see a terrific right coming. I was pulling up my trunks, both hands being busy. I blocked it with my eyes. The, uh... Mmm. The next round, I drew back the hit. And I heard a bong. I was nervous at first. It was the bell, but I thought it was the horseshoe that fell out of my glove. I carried a horseshoe in my glove that night. It didn't do much good, though. I think the other guy had the whole horse in his. Okay, and that guy knocked me so cold they had to carry me out with a pair of ice tongs. But I was a big favorite in the fight ring. Every time I'd step to the ring, the people start yelling, screaming and stomping their feet. But not once did they ever get their money back. Well, I think I've been out here punching long enough. So I'll step out of the ring and let Red Foley come in with building a sailboat of dreams. Hit it, fella. It's about the hands. Did someone call me? Well, I wasn't, but I feel all right now. My blood pressure's normal, my heart action is normal, and my pulse is normal. I wish you weren't. Who is that, anyhow? Oh, that. That's my new fiddle player, Roger Donaldson. I'm making some improvements in the band, and he's worn out. Yeah, some improvement. But, confidentially, Bob, the boys do play a lot better now since they learn how to read music. Yes, and with the six men I've added, the band will be a lot better now. Six men, eh? Well, who are they? Well, there's Joe Strongin, Felix Strongman, Carl Strongdale, and Pete High Strongpin. That only makes fine with this Roger guy. Who's the sixth man? Well, that's Jack Warren, the drummer. Warren, how'd he get in here with a name like that? Well, he married my sister. Connection somewhere would say this Roger guy. Tell him to keep still, will you? Well, I have to be kind of careful with him, Red. Careful with a fiddle player? Why? Well, he knows these onions. What are you all into? I mean... Hey, let me show him, Bob. Go ahead, Roger boy. Roger boy? Add the last three letters of Jersey. Hello, Pumpkin. Hey, what's going on around here? I thought I was your steady fella, isn't it? Steady? Yeah. If you were any steady, or you'd be motionless. I want a real boyfriend. I need a gable type. Yes, my lips are burning, my eyes are scorching, my tongue is waxing warm with words, and my face is a flame. Help! She's on fire! I'm your man. Yes, Bob, but will you love me when I'm old? Love you? I'll idolize you. I'll worship the ground under your little feet. I'll... I'll... See, you're not going to look like your mother, are you? Now what? If a loaf of bread was as old as these jokes, what a marvelous, tanky dressing it would make. That, Red. I don't pay any attention to that droop. Oh, yeah? Hey, it's Kevin. Hey, let me hear you pronounce your vowels. My vowels? A-E-I-O-U. How's that? Your A-E is all right, but your I-O-U is no good. Who's going around here anyhow? Hi-O, hi-F. Oh, hi-U-O. Foley's getting high-clad, saying U-O. Used to say Ewan's. Ah, gone with the dawn. But, honey lamb, you sugar pie. I was mad about y'all. What's the matter with you, Foley? A guy'd have to be crazy to know what you're talking about. Thanks, Red. I'm glad we understand each other. Yeah. I don't think I'm crazy, because if I was, Mr. Selznick wouldn't have sent for me to play a part in that picture going with the wind. Ah, now go on. Oh, start bragging about you're going to be in going with the wind. Why not? Isn't that something to blow about? Yeah, but... You know, I'm going to play Scarlet Old Foley. You mean Scarlet O'Hara? Hey, that's a woman's part. Can you play a woman? Can I? Boy, show me the woman. Well, I got to go now. So long, Edna, honey. Honey, hey, where does he get that honey stuff? He knows you're my girl. You're a girl? Yeah, it's my girl. Why don't even talk to me, you dope. Dope? I'm a dope? I'm a dope? Stop bragging, Scouting. Listen, don't interrupt me when I'm speaking. Don't speak while I'm interrupting. Yeah. Hey, Bob, Edna's my girl, and that settles it. You can't talk to me like that. Take off your glasses. Okay, I... what glasses? Those are circles under my eye. Well, take them off. Now, wait a minute, boys. No fighting over me. I'll give each of you a test. Now, Bob, you leave the room and I'll test red. Okay. Hey, what kind of a test? Well, you make love to me. Then Bob will make love to me, and the best man will win. Oh, gee, at the cinch for me. Well, go ahead. All right. Oh, Edna... Oh, gee. Edna, dearest, look through yarn window. Look at the moon. Look at the stars. What a combination. Is that thing showing again? Hit the back wall and bounce back through now. Well, put your arm around me. Now, hold me closer. I can still breathe. Yeah. Now, put the other arm around me. You've been eating potatoes, haven't you? Now, what do I do? Oh, send for Bob Strong. Yeah. The title, I never knew heaven could speak. The picture rolls of Washington Square and the songstress our own lovely Jeanette. Switch to Avalon cigarettes in preference to all other brands. And the reason? Well, Avalons have more to offer. Yes, they give you highest quality. They're made from a superb blend of the choices Turkish and domestic tobaccos and still cost three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands. Now, that repeated saving time after time on every pack you smoke means many, many extra dollars saved every year. Now, remember this, friends. You can pay more, but you can't get finer quality cigarettes than Avalons. Try a pack tonight. You'd never guess they cost you less. Hey, that was very nicely said there, Dale. Well, thank you, Red. Are we going to do a sketch tonight? Yeah, I've written a play this week called The Case of the Stolen Plan or Who's Got Hands in the Plan. Now, I'll play the modest role of Ace Skelton, a crack reporter, and the sob sister will be played by Edna Stillwell. The scene opens, I'm sitting in my office planning big things. Hello. Yeah. For you, Skelton. Thanks a lot. Deal me out this hand, boys. Hello, Skelton talking. Skelton? Yes. This is Greta, the FBI speaking. Sit out the waterfront and see whether you can dig up any data on the international spy ring. International spy ring? Thanks a lot, chief. I'll go right down. My car's downstairs, so come on, Edna. We'll bust up this spy ring or my name is Mud. Can I go any faster? Well, we get it started, may go a little bit faster. Master, well, I'm too tired to get out and push. Say, where do you expect to find this spy ring? Oh, I don't know. Somewhere along the waterfront. Snap on that radio. Calling all cops. That's right near the dock. Okay, we're out of gas. There's a cab over there. I'll go over. Hey, taxi, are you engaged? Engaged? Why, say, I don't even have a girl. Countless and awful out of fun driving a taxi. Yes, you're running to a lot of nice people. You mean you hit pedestrians? Oh, good heavens, no. Why, this cute little old cab wouldn't hit anybody. It's yellow. Well, take me down to the corner of Hickory and Dickory. Yes, sir, Hickory. Oh, say, that's the toughest part of town. Why, they'll kill you down there. What? They'll kill you. They wouldn't dare. I'm looking for spies. The spies. They forgot the answer. Well, do you have to go down there to look for them? Goodness, why, that place down there was so tough when a kitten wants a bowl of milk. He hijacked the cow. Well, come on, get going, Herky. Skelton never flinches. I hope. Go out and clutch. Hey, you better drive slower, Herky. I'm very nervous. Watch out, now you don't hit something. All for goodness sake, keep your shirt off. Why, I know every ash can and telephone pole along here. Look out! I guess I wasn't introduced to that one. Boy, what a driver you are. Here we are. That'll be 50 cents, please. I'll give it to you, just as soon as I get up off the floor. Here's 25 cents on account. On account of what? On account of having gotten the other 25 cents. By my goodness, Mr. Skelton, no tip or anything. Nope. I say, you're tighter than a 98-cent corset without a say. Mr. Skelton, I'm getting out of here before the rats drive my taxi down the sewer. I'll see you. Hey, wait for us, Herky. Somebody's got to get his stuff. Gee, this is a creepy-looking place, isn't it? What was that password again, Edna? Tomatoes are cheaper. And don't look so scared. Who's scared? Surely I'm not scared. I'll knock on the door and see if anybody's here. Nobody's here. Let's go. What's the matter? Are you getting chicken-hearted? Who, me, Skelton, the ace reporter getting chicken-hearted? I should say not. I always been that way. Someone's coming to the door. Well, what do you want? Tomatoes are cheaper. Oh, I can that stuff. Hey, you wouldn't be a detective for a newspaper man. Not live. I mean, uh... Maybe we spies would better get down to business, huh? Very well. Come on in. Say, I think all the spies are here. I'll call the roll. Uh, Sammy the spider? Yeah. Homer the hornet? Well, why didn't you answer? I didn't hear you the voice two times. Let's say, who are you, stranger? I'm Mickey the rat. And I'm Minnie the mouse. Okay, now for some sinister business. Sammy the spider, have you got that secret code message figured out? I'll finish, chief, and it's just what we thought. Okay, read it. Cubs 10, Brooklyn 5. Now, men, we have a very important job coming up. Now, what is it? The Ukrainian government will pay $10,000 to find out... what happened to Buy-Mere-Bistushane. Say, I better phone the newspaper right away and get my story out. Hey, you mean you're not a spy either? No. What do you mean, spy either? Well, I'm from Scotland Yard. Yeah, I'm a G, man. I'm a secret service man. Well, I'm a monkey's uncle. This is Red Foley and the Avalon chorus create the musical image... in the chapel in the moonlight. Little old church, that's covered with mull, the chapel. But Avalon's cost only $0.10 plus city or state tax. It looks like it winds up everything now, huh? That's about all, Red. Mr. Scouton, Mr. Scouton, your car awaits you. What did you say? I said your role was waiting for you. Yeah, it shows as coffee. Yeah, oh, watch the youth. Good night, folks. PM B-U-L-O-V-A, Boulevard Watchtime.