 So, we were looking at the pain principle that helps us and understanding of that, maybe it just changes our whole outlook the way we see other people and we are able to understand them better and understand ourselves actually. So, we know that, okay, this is why I am doing this and therefore, I need to change, I need to change, I need to make some arrangements, I need to get healed, I need to address certain things, you know, put to death certain things and I need to do that, right? Okay, let me just share the notes again. Is it coming up? So, this is very important to address it and to deal with it is very important because you know, 3 John 2, very clearly, you know, John was praying, he says, beloved, I pray that you may prosper and be in health, you know, prosper in all things and be in health just as your soul prospers, right? Your emotions and everything, it's tight, our soul prospering is tied to everything else because if there is pain and then our mind is clouded with pain, we are, you know, our mind is filled with pain, that is what we are sensing and it's a good thing in one way, pain is to be able to experience pain, it's good because it shows that something is wrong, okay? It shows that if there's a problem somewhere, if we were not feeling pain, then we would just go on without even addressing, right? So, to feel pain is, it means that the pain and pleasure, you know, to feel that it means that, okay, something is, something is good, something is wrong and so, you know, it shows us that, okay, our senses are in fact working, okay, but we need to go beyond that and address the source of that pain, right? So, if you're carrying unresolved pain, then it clouds our objectivity and we're not able to look at things objectively, we need to see past that pain, you know, we need to go beyond that, otherwise we will make very biased, partial, we'll come to biased and partial conclusions, right? Maybe about people, like for example, like maybe you were hurt by a certain kind of people with a certain, you know, person or personality, right, whatever. So, if it is not resolved, you know, one example of, you know, that affecting our present would be, you know, you see anyone with that name, with that kind of personality and you're not able to get close to that person or, you know, just a hypothetical example, you know, it may not happen but I'm just saying that, you know, it could interfere with the way you relate to that person because that person reminds you so much, with the very name reminds you, the very, you know, some of their personality that reminds you of that person and that's that person you've not yet forgiven or, you know, forgotten what they've done said. So, it's affecting the present, right? So, a lot of it, us thriving and us walking in good success is connected to the prosperity of our soul or well-being of our soul. Okay. So, emotional health in our wholeness, very important. And Psalm 147 and verse three is the beautiful part that he heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. The broken hearted, okay, beyond the physical, he heals the broken hearted referring to the Lord our God. And Psalmist testimony is that he does heal the broken hearted and heals of their wounds. So, the God is someone when you say God is a healer, yes, he heals our brokenness and binds up our wounds. So, here are some practical things like we get healed, you know, how certain practical things not to open up those wounds, right? Or not to be constantly bewounded. One thing is, especially when it comes to ministry, you know, we're always dealing with people, right? And there's, you know, day in and day out with people interacting with people. And so there is every possibility that that there is, you know, the possibility of getting hurt. It's right there. So, so here are some things to keep in mind, right, some practical things not to take, you know, when you people remark make remarks about you, maybe about certain things about you, maybe about the way you do, don't take it personally. Okay, so when we take it personally in the sense, maybe they say about something about maybe about the ministry, about the way things are done. Don't don't take it personally. It's because of me. They're saying this, or this is because of, you know, what I shared, they're saying this, don't come to that conclusion. Okay. At the same time, you know, in whatever they are saying, you know, whoever's saying it, if there is a grain of truth, if there is a small percentage of truth to what is being said, okay, then look at it. Excuse me, then look at it, address it, consider it. If there's a, if you see that, okay, there's a grain of truth. And but that objectivity will come only when we look beyond how people say it, right. Many times we are focusing on, oh, I wish they'd said it little differently, came with so much noise and the kind of words, the language that was used, wow. You know, we're focusing on how it was said. And so we get sidetracked. We miss out on what was said. So if there's some truth to it, if there's a grain of truth, if there's a small percentage of truth, and that objectivity comes where we look beyond the person, when we look beyond how they said it, it's difficult. It's difficult. We are emotional beings. And when people get emotional and say some, some things and our emotions are stirred up as well. So, so that comes with a walk with the Lord, right, going beyond our, our own, you know, emotional self and looking at it objectively, okay, yeah, I'm getting angry about this, but then, you know, is there some truth to what they're saying? Right, I'm getting upset with the way they said it, but is there some, some amount of truth to what they're saying? Okay, let's consider it, right. And, and we, if you would make that a practice, if you would make that part of our life, okay, they've said it, fine now, but I'm going to think I'm going to look at what they've said. Okay, then, then we will be able to address it. Then the other thing is, when the, when others come and say things or do the same things and interact in a different way, don't add to their hurt, understand that they are hurting and they are, you know, hurting, trying to hurt us or hurting us. Don't add to that hurt, okay, the sense they're hurt. And how do we add to that hurt if we would insult, if we would say things that we would regret later, you know, as a leader, you know, maybe as a pastor, as a team leader, you know, we get personal as well. And we say things, you know, you know what, ever since the day you, you know, we met, this has been your major problem, you know, we say things. I wish you had never stepped in here. Or, you know, we say things which we, we would regret later, you know, emotionally when we are calm, then we realize, why did I say that? And then we apologize and, you know, it takes a while for things to come back to normal, come back to zero again, and we have to start from scratch, right? So, don't add to that hurt. Just remove yourself from that scene, if possible, right? And think on it, take it to the Lord. And that's why that old, you know, that old hymn, old song, what a friend we have in Jesus, so much of truth in it. Take it to the Lord in prayer. We are friends, despise, take it to the Lord in prayer. Take it to the Lord in prayer. And there's so much that happens when we take it to the Lord in prayer because we are unburdening, we are sharing, we are giving it to, giving the whole thing to Him. And there's a great transaction that happens. There's a great exchange that happens, because He hears, He understands, because He Himself went through, right? And as a, as a high priest, He was tempted in all points as we are, yet without sin. So, He understands that. And, and He also gives us the revelation, just the fact that God understands, just the fact that He hears. Now, sometimes all we need is a hearing, right? So, all we need is that, yes, Lord, I thank you that you understand this, that you at least understand, right? You're the one person who understands. So, that is all we need. That is all we need for our heart to be healed. That is all we need for, you know, strength to come into our lives. So, so don't add to their hurt. But if you are able to direct them, I direct the other person who's hurting to get help, that'll be great, if we can do that. Okay, so, so we're looking at the pain principle. Okay, so let's stop here. And maybe if you have any questions or any, you know, the feasibility of these things, maybe in your own lives, you have some experiences and any questions, you can just, you can talk about that. Anything at all. No, none whatsoever. Okay, so, okay, so what do you think in your estimate of these principles, you know, do you have any experience of putting these things in practice in your own life, maybe, you know, without even thinking about this as a principle, you know, maybe we've done that, right? We walked in it, the lens, the mirror, the pain, and yeah, if there's any experience that you had, we can just talk about that as well, or even, you know, something that did not work. You knew that, okay, this is, this is what will help, but it didn't really work, work out well. And we can talk about that also, right? Anything of that sort. Okay, so, you know, you, so you think about it, you know, let it not just remain a theory, right? All these principles are a very practical ones, things that we can actually put to practice or apply in our, you know, in our relating to people, right? In our preparation to relate to people. So, we can actually apply it, confidently apply it in our lives, right? Okay, the fourth one is what we call as or what John C. Maxwell calls as the hammer principle. Okay, so what is that? So, in our preparing to relate to people, you know, the thing is not never to use a hammer to sort or hit a fly a small insect of someone's head. Okay, so which means, you know, which again is something related to what we addressed, the pain principle, that you, your response to someone or your response to a problem or reaction to a problem is to be, is, is to be in proportion to the objective nature of the problem, right? If you're using a hammer to hit a fly of someone's head, which means that is not the appropriate thing that is required there, right? You can probably use a fly swatter or use a, you know, roll up a newspaper or, you know, that would be appropriate where it doesn't hit the person where it doesn't injure the person, you know, in our wanting to solve the problem, right? We are actually creating more damage to the person than solving the problem. Okay, maybe the problem will get solved, right? Maybe that insect will just die, right? Because you hit the hammer on it. But you look at the other problem, yeah, you look at the capital, you know, destruction that has been brought in, right? So the person is also injured and even more so, he's worse off, he or she is worse off than how he was earlier, okay? So, so this overreaction to something which is there is, is a problem and it's going to hurt the it's going to hurt the person, right? So what will help us? What will help us actually have a correct perspective or what, you know, how do I relate to this? Or how do I solve this problem or how do I approach it? Okay, a few things we can look at. One is the total picture, okay? So that somebody's sharing their problem when somebody is presenting their point of view before reacting to it takes some time, okay? Before reacting or responding, listen fully, okay? Maybe, you know, we jump to certain conclusions. Oh, this is how it is. Yeah, I know that problem, you know, the moment the person starts to talk or describe the issue, say, okay, yeah, I know it, I know it already. This is what it is. It happened two years back. This is what it is and for this is the solution. This is what you do. Just jump in. So listen fully, you know, and completely, maybe we can ask questions and we see that, hey, this is not the same as something else that happened two years back. This is different. And because of you asking those questions, we get better clarity. We get the full picture, total picture, right? And then we respond. So when we take time to understand the total picture, then our response to that problem will be appropriate, okay? Whereas if you do not take time to understand or if you do not ask questions to understand the total picture, then our response could be skewed, you know, our response could be not proportional to the problem. The second one is the timing. Act in a timely manner. Okay, timely manner means that you don't delay, postpone, but timely manner also means the appropriate time. Maybe at that moment, to address that issue may not be appropriate. In our wanting to do things in a punctual manner, there is a time and a place. Maybe at that time, it would not help. It depends, right? It's not a one size fit all kind of a thing. We need to cause people are different because the problems are different. There are so many factors, right? So understand, use our discernment. Let's understand, use our discernment, okay? Is this something that I need to do right now or in the sense address right now? Can I talk about it later? Or the other thing is also, you know, will this, can this wait or should it be addressed right away? You know, if I wait, then it's not the correct thing. It's not going to help. So let me just address it right here, right now. This is the only way to do it, right? So the timeliness of it is important. So we're looking at four T's here. The third one is the tone of it, the turn of our voice. Right? Approves 15 and verse one. Let's look at that verse. It talks about how a soft answer turns away wrath, okay? So a soft answer turns away wrath with the harsh words turns up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly with the mouth of post-forth foolishness, okay? So the soft answer turns away wrath. So what is he talking about? He's talking about the tone of your voice and the words that are used. Excuse me. It says harsh words turns up anger. So well, nature of the word and also the tone that is used, right? So if we are polite, if our tone is calm and if we're not, if we are not, you know, in terms of volume as in the level of our voice and also if you're not, you know, screaming out normally, you know, you realize that when it comes to certain, you know, certain things when we are agitated, we use a higher tone. Our tone goes up, up, up, up, right? Hey, what is wrong? Our tone has gone up, right? It's become sharper. Yeah, able to, you know, it's cutting through. But if we are calm, we're using a, you know, it's talking like I'm talking right now, maybe our tone is different, our tone is low, right? So what tone are we addressing? Be mindful of that. Maybe we are just used to talking agitatedly and, you know, in a sharp tone all the time, right? And so it helps for us to prepare and say, okay, I should not raise my voice. And you say, you know, raise my voice. Why do you raise your voice? It involves this, right? It refers to the loudness or the softness, but it also refers to the sharpness or, you know, the tone, in other words, the tone of voice both, right? So it helps. Okay, so in the hammer principle, if our tone is not really appropriate, and maybe even the volume of our voice is not really appropriate, maybe it doesn't require, it doesn't, it is not something that is very urgent. Something was done and then it doesn't require the tone of voice, it doesn't require that volume of, volume level of that particular thing, right, of that voice. It doesn't require that. So the hammer principle is this, that, hey, if it's appropriate, I don't have to shout on screen. Or I don't have to, I can lower my voice and address it. Okay, then the temperature. Temperature meaning if our reaction, you know, if our reaction towards our facial reaction or our body movement and everything, you know, things that we do is, if the reaction is like agitated and we just pounding on the table and if we are, you know, maybe our whole body just like, why did you do that? Why? Or, you know, if we are agitated and if we are doing all that, that also, is that the hammer? Are we using a hammer, right? In doing this, I'm using a hammer to hit the fly, right? So this all expresses the hammer, right? So we can, like the timing, the tone and the temperature especially, you know, express the hammer. So we can have a softer, we can have a softer touch. You don't have to use a hammer to crush the head. You know, right? You can use a softer touch. So here's some things that we can do, right? Let the past stay in the past. Just think about it. You know, maybe the past problem or the past, whatever this person did in the past, maybe that is also adding to it. Like, like we said, it's no-balling and it's becoming bigger and so we need to be objective, you know, and see, okay, I know this person did this some three times and this is the fourth time, right? And it's a different issue altogether. So we look at it objectively, you know, is, does that need to be addressed here? Okay, even if that needs to be addressed, okay, like, for example, if we feel that, okay, it's because of the same pattern, you know, the same way in which same manner in which this was done, it was that outlook of this person which created the problem. Let me address it in a different way, okay, because if I'm going to cumulative like add all that and bring it to bear upon this particular issue, it's going to create, you know, it's going to be a, it's going to be a big mess, right? So let the past stay in the past. And then to honestly ask ourselves, is my reaction part of the problem? Is my reaction to this whole thing, is it part of the problem? Can I, how I reacted? It's a good thing to know the difference between reaction and response, right? React, respond. React is very reflexive. Response is, when you've taken time to think, think through, right? Response requires some time. Reaction is immediate. It's a reflex. Most, most time it's a reflex or a knee jerk kind of a reaction. You said this and then you reacted in this manner. That person did this and I reacted, right? It can be immediate. It can be, you know, a little later as well, but then it's most times immediate. So it's good to know the difference between reaction and response, right? So ask this question, you know, is my reaction, did it add to the problem, didn't create the problems, part of the problem? We need to understand that actions are remembered. Actions are remembered. Words may be forgotten in time, right? But actions are remembered. People remember that. So in our, in our interaction, in our response, right? How am I responding? What words am I using? Right? And in what way am I even responding to it? How am I acting? How am I reacting? Because that will be remembered. Okay. And the last thing is this, I never let the situation mean more than the relationship. Okay. Now, well, some of our, you know, if you're thinking of relationships, you know, some of the relationships are formal, right? It is formal. It is some relationships are formal informal, they are close. And it depends, you know, it could be family. But we're talking about, you know, in leadership situations, we're talking about relationships that are maybe formal, maybe, you know, even if it's informal, it's in a ministry setting, they should be, they need, there could be some kind of formal structure to it, right? So never let the situation mean more than the relationship. Okay. At the end of it, the, you know, the, our reaction to that situation is it hindering the relationship? Will the relationship actually be there? And so just think about that. Do you want that to continue? Will it be there? And, you know, all these things would actually help us to have an appropriate response, right? So, you know, so we're talking about a scenario where we might actually respond in a way or react in a way, which is far, far worse than it actually requires. Okay. So asking this, especially this last thing, you know, what about the relationship? Okay. So if you think about that, then we realize, okay, it actually does not require this kind of a response. I can actually temper down, tone down the way in which I'm responding. Okay. So that's the pain principle. A few more things. Treat loved ones with unconditional love, admit wrongs, and ask forgiveness to be honest, to be truthful. And, you know, if there is something wrong on our part, you don't have to be defensive. We don't have to defend that wrong. If it is wrong, it is wrong. So ask forgiveness for that wrong, not for the entire thing, right? Maybe there are 10 things that you did right, and you did when you spoke the right thing, you did the right thing. So you don't have to apologize for that. Right. Many times we, when we apologize all that we did is wrong in that, you know, situation. No, we can admit whatever things that we did wrong and ask for forgiveness and say, okay, yes, I should not have said that. I should not have, you know, responded with that manner about this. And I'm sorry about that. This one thing, yes, this was a mistake on my part. Sorry about that. And also treat with unconditional love. Okay. Okay, then one more. The last one here for how to prepare ourselves to relate to others. Okay, doing some kind of groundwork is the elevator principle, which means that we edify with lift-up people. Okay. Elevator, elevate, lift-up people. Okay. So in Psalm 3 and verse 3, the psalmist says, let me just read out that verse. But you, oh Lord, you know, maybe you should just read the first two verses also. Lord, how they have increased, who trouble me, many of those who rise up against me, many of they who say of me, there is no help for him in God. Verse 3, but you, oh Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the one who lifts up my head. I cried to the Lord with my voice, and he heard me from his holy hill. He says, Lord, you're the lifter of my head. I'm just bowed down and just put my face to the ground and I'm, everything has just brought me low. Lord, you are the one, you're my, you're a shield for me. You're the glory and the lifter of my head. Right. So we imitate God, be the one who lifts up people, which means encouragement, with truth and authentic love, no superficiality or pretence. This will lift the person up. Okay. So let's be people who do not put people down, but lift them up. Proverbs 3.27 says, do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it's in the power of your hand to do so. Okay. So Barnabas was one such person. He lifts up. He's in fact, he's called a son of encouragement, right? His name, very name means son of encouragement. So and he lived out his name when people were afraid of Saul and he was persecuting the church. And so they were still not sure about pain, but Barnabas was the one who brought him and connected him with the apostles in the church in Jerusalem. And they were able to speak into his life. And and then from then on, we see Paul going back and going back to Antioch and then and so on, right? The ministry and the mission trips and all that we see. So be that kind of a person in people's lives, be that encourager, be that person who actually lifts people up. Okay. Some people add something. Some people, you know, we enjoy them. Some people subtract something from our lives. We tolerate them. Some people multiply something. We value them and people also divide something in our lives, right? Or bring division, we avoid them. Okay. So these are some things that we can keep in mind when it comes to the elevator principle. Okay. So we looked at five things and these are things to keep in mind when we are relating to others, relating to other people. Okay. Okay. So the next one is about focusing on others, which is to be other focus. But I guess we just stop here for today. Okay. And we look at this from our next class. I know we're just stopping a little early, but that's fine. So we look at, you know, this is the second one of the five sections that we are looking at in this winning with people to be other focus. Okay. So this also, you know, if you look at each of these, these have some principles. So these are things for us to put in practice. Okay. So until next class, maybe just think about what we looked at the lens, the mirror, the pain principle, the hammer principle, and the elevator principle and see, okay, you know, how can I put it to practice? Or what are the consequences of applying this in my own life? And we're talking about how we can relate to people, how we can win with people, right? So we'll stop here and we'll continue in our next class. Thank you so much. God bless. Thank you.