 Good morning everybody, welcome back to another vlog. It is a rainy, rainy day here in LA. It's actually been raining for the last like, I think it's just the third day and like unpopular opinion but I love it. I know I've been talking about rain in the last couple of vlogs as if it's this like big phenomenon and like it happens everywhere but it just doesn't happen as often here. Although I will say I find anyway, it rains way more in LA than it ever did in Phoenix. Like it rains way more here. So when people are like, it never rains in LA. I'm like, it rains like a decent amount at least compared to what I know. But anyways, I am just getting ready to do a filming day. I have my little Valentine's Day outfit on cause the video that I'm filming is probably gonna go up on Valentine's Day. So I actually did like a red eyeliner. I don't know if you can see it that well but just like a little red wing, hello. Got my red nails, have my little heart necklace on. You know, just feeling, feeling Valentine's Day my pink sweater. I actually only have one video to film today. I was supposed to do a fitting room video. I was gonna go and do a fitting room video but they're telling people to just like kind of avoid the roads if possible. I think that was for yesterday but I'm gonna do that for today as well just to be safe cause like if I don't need to go anywhere, I won't. There's actually been crazy storms in Southern California. Like I think it's like the record of rainfall in Los Angeles like ever to date. And I know like people are like, it's just rain but I feel like if you live in like a desert or a landscape that's not meant to hold that much water it actually can be really dangerous. And like people have died. There've been like over 125 landslides I think just in Los Angeles alone, like it's been wild. I've seen YouTubers that I follow like on social media posting all over LA like different parts and floods and landslides and like their cars underwater or buried in mud or their neighbor lost their house or whatever like literally just their entire house went down the, like that's just nuts. So yeah, there's just been tons of mostly flooding and luckily we've been okay so far. But yeah, we're gonna do some filming. I have some editing to do as well today. I'm kind of just getting back into the swing of things after the weekend. I did my workout this morning. I was sweating my ass off. I don't know what it was, but it's just some days it just really hits, but it felt so good. I'm feeling very chatty. Like I'm just gonna set my camera down for a second. I feel like these days anyway, I can tend to get really in my head about my workouts and I'm trying to just have like a no big deal attitude. I have a main channel video that's going up about this. Actually that's the video I'm filming today where I kind of like talk about each workout I'm doing, what I did for the 30 days. I'm doing like a 30 days of workouts challenge thing. I assume everyone watches my main channel but they definitely don't. So yeah, every year since 2022 I've done a challenge in January where I work out for 30 days. And so this is like my recap of that. Oh, you can see some clothes that, and my old desk chair that I don't know what to do with yet. I need to hang these back up because they're for a future video. But anyways, I have noticed that you go through ebbs and flows when it comes to workouts. And like for me anyway, I have really noticed that if I just push through and do it I feel so good afterwards. Like most of the time today I just really wasn't in the mood. I was like, and I was like, you know what? It's only 20 to 30 minutes of my day. It'll be totally fine. And even up until like halfway through I was like, this sucks. I don't wanna be doing this right now. And then something kicked in. It was like the endorphins or something like that. And I became obsessed. And I was like smiling at the end of the workout. I was so proud of myself. I was drenched in sweat. And I was like, wow. Who knew that exercise could have such unfortunately. A positive impact on your mental health. Like it truly has every year. I'm like, I forget what this feels like. I forget what it feels like to wake up every day and just do something for yourself and do something that feels really good. And I don't wanna get too like preachy because I really don't wanna make anyone seem like make anyone feel bad or make working out like my entire personality. I'm really not trying to do that. But I just wanted to share that sometimes it's like you really do have to rely on discipline over motivation because if you're waiting for the motivation to come it's not going to like most of the time. At least for me. But if you stick to like the discipline part of it and you just force yourself to do it however many times a week you want it really makes a difference. So anyways, I am looking at my vision board that I finally finished. I was like, okay, I need to fill this in with some like fancy things. So my friend Laura and I made these vision boards and it just like the magazines that I chose were just not giving. Like there wasn't that good of stuff. There wasn't that good of like photos and things to choose from. So I mostly just cut out words and then I was like, I'll just fill it in with other stuff later. So I did. And I think it looks so much better. So we actually watched like probably three episodes of The Traders. And while we were watching I just like worked on this. So I basically had a ton of little jewels left from when I did my little bit jeweled outfit for Taylor Swift's concert back in August. I was gonna do it for the March concert then I went a different direction. I actually saw Taylor Swift twice last year that was kind of amazing. So I did two different like sets of jewels. So here we have it. Here is the final vision board. I feel like it's finally like filled in and it's like sparkly the way I like it. And it's just a much better reflection of me. So I think I showed this already but we have Taylor Swift because I just love having Taylor Swift on my vision boards. It just makes me happy. It makes me feel motivated. It makes me feel inspired. And also it's just me manifesting all of the good Taylor Swift things to happen. I mean, I did put this on my vision board. And since then we have gotten a new album announcement. We gotta talk about that. Why am I talking so much? Also, who cares? This is gonna be a chatty vlog. I've decided. We have stronger than ever. Thrive, happy, smiles, snowbirds. That's one of my goals in life is to be a snowbird. Goal, habits, a fresh new start. Smile, love, healthy. I put myself first. That's a big one. Plants, always need more plants. Bright, I wanna be a bright light. Set up a morning routine that actually works. I feel like I'm doing a good job at that. Bloom, you know. Become your best self. Shimmering, obviously. Make the whole place shimmer. We have hot, full potential. You, like meaning prioritize myself. Focus on me. Hollywood Hills. I just put that because, I don't know. Manifesting good things in my life, but also just I love going to a state sales up there. I set a high bar for myself. That's like something that I really need to like set a very high bar for me, for myself. And then start new. So yeah, that's my little finally in the first week of February. I am done with my vision board and I think it's so cute. And I just filled it in with like all these little colorful jewels and then these like rhinestones and then these pearls and I love it. But yeah, okay. I guess we'll talk about the freaking tortured poets department, what the hell? So if you're not a Taylor Swift fan, sorry. This isn't gonna be for you. Oh my God, I was gonna take a sip of my water and I realized you're sitting on my water bottle. That's fine. So if you didn't know, if you're not keeping up with Taylor Swift things, that's totally fine. I feel sorry for you, but the Grammys were on Sunday night and there was just, there were rumblings in the Swifty fandom. It was like something is going on. Taylor Swift changed her profile picture on Instagram from just the normal picture to like a black and white version of that picture. And she never just does something. There's always a reason behind it. And then there were several other people like Travis Kelsey and like some of her friends, Gigi Hadid, et cetera. And they had all changed their profile pictures to black and white. And so people were like, what the hell is going on? Something is, something is amiss. And then on her website, the homepage of her website had like an error, but the error code wasn't real. It was like a made up thing that didn't exist. Someone actually went into like the code of the website and found that out. But the error code was like a bunch of letters jumbled up. And when you rearrange them, it said red herring, which was so exciting because we were just like, wait, what's the red herring? What's going on? And as soon as I saw red herring, I was like, she's putting out a new album. Like she's putting out a new album and everyone was speculating, oh, she's gonna announce reputation, the re-recorded Taylor's version at the Grammys. And I was like, that feels like way too big of like a stage to do that. Like if anything, she would do it at one of like her Tokyo shows or one of the tours because so far pretty much besides like red and fearless, since she's been on tour, she's done her announcing like in the stadiums. And I just don't think she would miss an opportunity like that. And I mean, I am so like, I'm arguably one of the most high levels of excitement about reputation than anything else. I'm such a reputation girly. I came in to tell you. So I'm really excited about that. But I was like, this just, I don't think that's what it is. Like that just feels, why would she announce that at the Grammys? And then as soon as I saw her outfit for the Grammys, I was like black and white. I was like, okay, the picture is a black and white. Her outfit is black and white. And I was like, something doesn't feel like reputation. Like this just doesn't feel right. And as soon as I saw her outfit, I was like, oh my God, we're getting a new album. Literally, I was telling Drew and I was like, should I post about it? And I was like, no, that's dumb. I would look so stupid because it's probably not true. This is me like clowning to the a millionth degree. I was like, no, I won't post about it. But in the back of my mind, I was like, it's gonna be a new album. And like, as soon as she won that Grammy and she went up on that stage and she started saying that she had an announcement, I was like, it's, it has to be a new album. And then she said my new album. And I was like, I know it. Oh my God, it was so exciting. Like literally the excitement of my lifetime. The Grammys were so good. I loved Fantasia Barino's performance. That was insane. It blew my socks off. Like it was, she is so fricking talented. I've loved her since American Idol. Victoria Monet won Best New Artist. That was so, so exciting. I've been such a fan of hers. She has written like so many of Ariana Grande's hits. And like, if you've listened pretty much to any Ariana Grande song, there's a chance that Victoria Monet wrote on it. And so I've just been like such a huge fan of her and her solo work for so long. And I was just like, yes, finally. She's not a new artist by any means, but I'm so happy to see her getting like the recognition she deserves. It's just like so good. I did miss a lot of the Grammys because we were cooking and like, you know, it felt like old school days where it was like commercial and then you tried to like rush and do things and then tried to catch it. I didn't watch the whole thing, but yeah, it was really good. So I really enjoyed it. Anyways, I've been already chatting for so long as it is and I need to get to my work. I need to channel this energy into main channel stuff because that's my priority. I've got to get that done. I've been working with an editor on my main channel and she's been amazing so far. She's so insanely talented. And so it's actually like put a, it's like lit a fire under my ass too because it makes me, you know, be like, okay, I got to have this video ready in order to send to her for her to edit. So it's like, it's just motivates me even more. So that's been going really well and it's actually given me a lot more balance, which is what I've been craving. And it's hard to surrender control obviously as like an actual control-free Capricorn, but I have enjoyed it so, so much. It's been like a game changer. So yeah, I'm very excited about that. Oh, I have a new bra to try on too. So yeah, we'll chat here in a little bit. I am going to film this video and then we'll catch up later. I hope you enjoyed this very rambly chat. Apparently we've just needed to catch up. I missed one vlog and here I am just like telling you my thoughts on every single thing that's happened since the last one, but yeah, that's just what we do. All right, just finished up my filming and it is so cold in this house. We live in a very old apartment and there's very old windows, not super insulated I don't think. So it is freaking freezing. I just put on my Miss Remy Action merch that I actually bought back in like December and I haven't really gotten to wear yet. So super cute, very comfortable. I'm gonna make a little snack and some coffee. This is usually the time of day where I have my little coffee break because I had my breakfast, which was like my protein shake after I worked out around, I don't know, it was like 8.30 or nine. It's like 11 now, I'm starving. So I think I'm gonna do this thing that I saw. I can't remember who it was. Saw someone on social media make like a yogurt dip with like chocolate chips and peanut butter and then like dip apples in it and it sounded really good. So we're gonna try it. So okay, we got some mini chocolate chips. I'm gonna do almond butter actually because I prefer that more and then I'm gonna grab a yogurt. Let me lower you down so you can see a little better. Okay, so the person that I saw do it did like a plain Greek yogurt and then they put honey in it but I just have like a already sweetened yogurt. So a little vanilla action. I love these Oikos triple zero yogurts. They're my favorite. I also like the brand Too Good, I think it's called. I'm really just any brand. Although the Chilani sugar-free ones, not good. Okay, so we got our yogurt in there and then we're gonna do a little bit of peanut butter. I'm actually just gonna like pour this in because it gets so messy. This is like the runny kind. So we'll do like, I don't know, a tablespoon and maybe two tablespoons or whatever. Looks a little weird so far, but we're supposed to mix it together. Kind of just wanna eat this. Okay, that's what we're working with and then you dump in some chocolate chips. How many? I don't know, to your hearts content. I like a lot. Gonna mix that in. It looks good, but like, I don't know. So okay, got our little mixture kind of like a little ice cream or something. So now we're gonna chop up an apple. Put it in there, we'll see. Honestly, nothing could be as good as those Apple bars that I made action made them for a YouTube video in like, I don't know, November, October, something like that. And it was like this apple bark with like pretzels and almond butter and chocolate. Oh my God, it was amazing. What am I doing again? Getting an apple. Also, can we have an apple debate in the comments or is that like a little too intense? Cause I love a honey crisp, a Fuji, a gala, a pink lady, but a red delicious can go, you know what, I hate it. I don't really love Granny Smith either. It depends, like it's in like a recipe, but I wouldn't eat it by itself. I'd be very curious to know everyone's favorite apple. I used to have one of those apple cutter things, but I don't know where it went. It got lost in a move at some point or maybe it just got like nasty. We'll just do it like this. So we'll just stick them in our little bowl. So it's gonna be cute. It better be good. We'll be sad otherwise. This was supposed to be aesthetic, but now it's just scary because there's so much apple. But here we go. Oh, so now we have to try it. Let me get this spoon out of here. Okay, let's give her a good, good taste test. Here we go. Whoa, this is hell yeah. My new favorite snack that's ever existed. Oh my God, it's so good. Look at her. I'm thoroughly gonna enjoy this. Goodbye. Oh my God. It is freezing in this house. Probably doesn't seem like it, but it's actually a few days later. And I have left this office, believe it or not, but this is just gonna be a chatty vlog. We're just gonna chit chat, you know? But I am filming, what am I talking about? I am sending some footage that I filmed to my editor that I've been working with on my main channel who is incredible, by the way. So I'm in the process of doing that right now. Oh my God, the sky is so blue right now. By the way, it has been, I think I mentioned it. It's been raining nonstop in LA. We had really, really intense storms over the weekend and now it's like the most beautiful cloudy blue skies. It was still pouring rain last night. So it's quite nice. Anyways, I was distracted. I don't remember what I was saying. Anyway, I'm waiting on a package to arrive. I'm gonna make some lunch in probably like an hour. And I've actually been, I mean, it's no surprise. It's only been six months, but this week is the six month mark since we lost Layla. And if you didn't know if you've been here since I guess August, Layla was my 12 and a half year old senior dog who I consider to be like my firstborn. Like in my mind, she's my child still. And I know it's not the same, but to me it is. That's all I ever knew. So I just have really been in a weird stage with grief. Obviously I know it comes and goes like I've lost people in my life as well. And it's definitely like a roller coaster ride. But for the last, I would say like two weeks or so, I have been feeling so weepy. Like every time I talk about her, I just start crying and I just get really, really heartbroken. Honestly, like I just become this very sad, not great version of myself, but it's, I fully understand that she was around for a really long time. I did everything I possibly could to give her the most amazing life and the best care. And I know that I was a really good mom to her, but I just, I'm having some hard feelings when it comes to like the last few days of her life. I really actually try not to think about it because it was really rough and she was hospitalized and there was like this whole thing. And I wish there was some way we could have known sooner what was happening. I was fighting tooth and nail with these vets being like, you're not listening to me. There's something wrong. Like she's fine. And I was like, no, she's not. And then it only took one vet to listen to me. Thank God I haven't really talked about this actually. She came in like the next morning on a shift change and she was like, what the hell is going on? What are they doing? No, we need to order this test. We need to order this test. She needs to have this procedure. And then they were able to find out that she had the massive tumor that she had. And like the way that it was positioned was just difficult and you weren't able to see it unless she was put under and they had to like open her mouth all the way and it was all the way at the back of like her throat. Anyways, I don't know why I'm talking about this. It's just, I'm having some like really hard feelings about that and it's just not doing me any good to continue to replay it. I'm gonna try to like just, if it seems like I'm dissociating throughout this, I am just to protect myself emotionally because I just miss her so much. Like I think about her every single day and I still find her hair on random things or I'll find a little clump of hair like underneath a dresser or like in a carpet or whatever and it makes me really sad. But I'm really trying my best to like persevere and just remember that I was so lucky to have her. Like it was just such an amazing gift in my life. And don't even get me started on Moo because then I'll just all get really upset. Like losing both of them in such a short time period. I don't know, it's been six months for Layla and in a few weeks it'll be six months for Moo and it just was such a one-two punch. Like it really, we were really knocked on our ass and I think I was just trying to be like, it's fine, we're gonna keep going. We're just everything's fine. And it's like a way that I've dealt with things for a long time. But I mean behind the scenes it's been, it's been rough. And I don't know, I felt like I was like hitting a good stride and then over the last couple of weeks it's just been hitting me again. And I know that that's normal. That's just something that's like gonna keep happening. That's how grief works. But yeah, just being fully transparent. Like I haven't kind of gone through it. I've been feeling myself like, I don't know, be a little bit more recluse. And I'm definitely in a season of life. It's probably just because it's winter where I'm like hibernating. I'm not really feeling as social. I'm not really feeling like doing as much or connecting with people as much. I'm just like, I don't know, kind of in my own little world and my own little vibe. And there's a lot of stuff going on where we're trying to figure out like life things. Like, okay, are we gonna stay in this apartment? Are we gonna try to go somewhere else? You know, our landlord's gonna raise our rent again. And it's like, it's just, it's insane. It's insanely expensive. I don't know how to begin to describe it. So we've been kind of like chatting about other options, other neighborhoods. Obviously still staying in LA or like Southern California, but that's been something we've been thinking about. And yeah, I hope you don't mind this bit of a brain dump. I just, you know, gotta keep you updated with what's going on in my life. I love watching YouTube videos where people just give me updates on their lives. And obviously I don't share everything, of course. Like there's gonna be things that I don't talk about, but these are just things that are on my mind and things that I think about. So anyway, I feel a little better actually after brain dumping that. Although my neck hurts after my workout today. I think it's because I was doing these like crunches and like, I don't know, twisty thingies. And I was just like pulling on my neck. So I might need to take some time and on a minute. Ooh, my package. That's exciting. Oh, it's my new earplugs. Cool, cool, cool. I have to wear earplugs at night because my neighbor's dog barks all night long. But when I have earplugs on, I can't hear it. I bought like a gigantic pack of earplugs in 2020 when we had our terrible neighbors. And I've actually been through them all now. It's been four years. I've been through them also. Now I've got to get a new pack. Oh my God, that reminds me just like checking my emails. I did something really embarrassing recently. Like nothing crazy, but it was just like, one of those things where like I had an interaction with someone and I was like, oh yeah, like I, I don't really like this, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they're like, oh, I, I have that or I like that. I don't remember what it was. And I was just like, oh my God, I was so embarrassed. And there have been like a couple little situations recently where yeah, it's like someone's like, enjoy your dinner and you're like, you too or whatever, you just like say something. And I've been watching Joel Wood on YouTube and his vlogs and he talked about something in one of his vlogs recently where he said something embarrassing to like a Costco worker and they were talking to someone else and he thought they were talking to him. So he was just like, yeah or whatever. And he said that he's tried to reframe it in his mind and say, oh my God, that was so iconic instead of being like, oh my God, that was so embarrassing. You're such an idiot, whatever. And I feel like I have adapted that and it's really reframed my brain in a lot of ways and like how I treat myself. So like I had this like semi embarrassing interaction and I was just thinking like, oh my God, you're such an idiot, why would you do that or say that? And now I'm just like, that was so iconic of you. That was like such iconic behavior. Like wow, I can't. And I feel like it helps, it really helps. So that's been something that's been a game changer for me. Anyways, I was just feeling chatty, hope you didn't mind. I'm gonna finish up some of the things that I needed to do. And I know I mentioned showing a bra later in this vlog. I'm gonna save it for the next vlog because this is chatty enough, upset enough and I've got a lot of work to do. I need to actually finish editing this video cause I'm a little behind, it needs to go up tomorrow. There is something sticky on my desk, what? But yeah, I hope you enjoyed this vlog. Thanks for hanging out with me and just, you know, lending an ear if you will. I think along with my sort of like hibernation era that I'm in at the moment just comes a lot of like sitting at home, cozy chats. So hopefully you're in the mood for that cause that's what I'm definitely in the mood to make for the next few vlogs. And yeah, I will hopefully see you very soon in the next vlog. Thanks so much for watching. Bye.