 the elaborate office building of the allied magazine syndicate re-entire flaws are devoted to the highly successful home life magazine at the head of this minor empire is home life sufficient editor miss linda gilbert i come in madam editor karen it's you you're back hello and a great big enthusiastic hello to you too how have you been linda reasonably well considering i haven't had you around for the past three years been a long last time i saw you we had lunch at marcel august twelve nineteen fifty we were supposed to get it only you went to berlin instead i might have known you remember by the way our date is off isn't it when i didn't hear from you for three years i leave to that conclusion you hear oh now don't be like that you're right here you're really not a key and you just get that impression what do you want can i just stop in and say hello about uh... without being suspected you're being charming reasonable and very boyish unless you've changed that means you're about to drink somebody's blood probably mine i uh... i've just been up to see the boss he fired me oh really and here i was thinking he couldn't read you're sweet anyway he hired me back again he can't read you uh... do you know who my new editor is? no who you oh no no he wouldn't do that to me he's already done it no i'm assigned to the home life in america series over my dick it isn't very flattering you know after all i'm still pretty handy with a typewriter i'm gay, lovable, nice teeth, uh... what do you want i'd be as tactful as possible karry i don't want you around grudge, nurses nothing personal you're a fine fellow but i won't have you on the magazine but why not you're a foreign correspondent you're used to exciting important stories exciting thing that happens to the people we write about is a five-dollar raise for pa you'd be utterly bored you'd start making fun of it, i'm gonna just wouldn't work out well at least couldn't we talk about it after all i no no wait a minute where are you going i'm going to dinner got a date? no well then have dinner with me huh? the one we missed three years ago i'm glad i didn't wait we can have dinner at seizes uh... they don't know my credit's no good there seizes has gotten frightfully expensive well uh... sure wouldn't then be about five bucks for the two of us uh... you can afford that much can't you? now look karry what are you so suspicious of how we'll have dinner and then i'll take you home yes early too, i have a very busy day tomorrow i'm going to indiana oh yeah indiana my first assignment huh? you? indiana? oh don't be ridiculous uh... i had a lovely time karry lovely lovely but lovely lovely now uh let me come in huh i'm so sorry you see i have to get up early in the morning good night well good night i can only stay a minute you're so right uh... i like this linda this is nice here we are picking up things just where we left off you know? now we're not picking anything up not one single bygone is going to be a bygone as far as i'm concerned stop turning the lights out if you still saw about me walking out on a three years ago i can explain that i'm definitely not interested much you were pretty ambitious in those days linda i still am knew exactly what you wanted where you were going how to get there i sound like a subway stop creeping up on me no well anyway that day i left you after we had lunch together well i started looking in store windows suddenly i had a terrible realization that you'd forgotten to borrow taxi fare from me no so i found myself looking at furniture household furniture bedroom suites two dollars down one thousand five hundred and sixty seven weeks to pay for the first time in my life i wanted to get married it pulled me over i just stood there paralyzed then what? i hopped the first plane to germany i just couldn't live the way you do linda tied down everything all planned out you know even when i was making love to you i had the feeling that you were wondering what time it was well that's not the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me yes i i suppose you were terribly angry oh i got over it oh you did? completely? Carrie there's one thing that obviously never occurred to you i don't think i would have married you linda i'm amazed you came back expecting to find a broken butterfly quivering in the void of your absence didn't you? yes linda i did you're right this isn't at all what i expected but you know it's nicer this way kind of like old times just the two of us sitting here talking we always did talk a lot we talked away everything that ever meant anything to us no not everything linda not every ow now stop it you're smooth and charming you turn it on like hot water from a faucet but i had measles once and now i'm immune i always know what time it is now Carrie eleven twenty i have to get up early well Carrie you dear gullible boy you just struck out oh linda look we know each other too well for all this we we still go for each other and you know it i only know that you're very careful about these things and i'm not i'd wake up one morning and find myself in Afghanistan linda alright i'll go quietly and sadly into the night when fun-loving Carrie Jackson the schmo of the week i almost forgot the job on the magazine do i get it? yes goody goody on certain conditions i'm editor i'm running home life magazine and that means that you'll have to take orders from me you'll have to forget i'm a woman i will try linda gillman is not a woman linda gillman is not a woman i was a guy thanks i'll smoke it after breakfast i'll see you in the office Carrie good morning everyone grab chairs and let's get going oh good morning Carrie good morning sir met everyone? oh yes yes they all wanted to know how i got mixed up in a business like this and what did you tell them? just lucky i guess oh how nice now you know our story concerns the brinker family in crestville indiana two young girls usual number of parents watch the old man do linda mr brinker owns a hardware store the house incidentally is a museum piece and so is mrs brinker paula you'll have to put her on a strict diet don't i always? just to satisfy my curiosity how did home life magazine happen to pick this particular couple? well the eldest daughter is being married anyway and she happens to fit into our schedule her name is jean she understands we have a deadline and while it is the middle of winter she knows we're working on our june issue right now so she's willing to get married right away for us now paula you see that their clothes are brought up to date used like summery materials and rosemary you make out the usual household budget and weekly menu and keep them simple and scottie the usual picture what about me? this will be a nineteen page feature carry about five thousand words now we'll call the feature june bride june bride isn't that a little daring? just remember this is a typical small town family and they'll have to live with the house and the clothes and the neighbors after we've gone i've had the local carpenter and the painter and the poster working in the house for the past two weeks mrs brinker expects us tomorrow she's going to bake a cake oh no remember it's winter and we have to do a june wedding in less than a week any questions? oh that's for me very well that's all for now oh carry you and I are flying out this afternoon we are yes there's four feet of snow on questville you better wear your long needs oh now look here linda of all the corny ideas you tell me all about it on the plane we're leaving at one tenth yes sir i have a rough idea of what we'll do to the brinker house i wish i had a rough idea of what i was going to use for a story but you have your story nineteen year old girl married boy next door it's america's best you're really getting folksy aren't you? next thing i know you'll be crocheting and putting up pickled cucumber pits and listen you stop sneering and that's a period way of yours that all the important things in life you're sneering as the two children in the family gene age nineteen and boo aged seventeen boo it's short for barbara gene couldn't pronounce barbara when they were baby she called her boobah and it's stuck uh... what are these harpies like well gene's very pretty very well why didn't you say so wipe off your chin dear the groom plays football you can work that into your story what story the only way i'll get a story is to have typical mr brinker beat typical mrs brinker to death with a typical meat axe be reasonable and i've got to find a gimmick you've got your gimmick at june bride maybe there's insanity in the family uh... an uncle or something now listen kerry i'm very serious about this i won't stand for any hope you're going to write a straight young love story no twist no angles and no drama and you're going to be very nice to the brinkers no little joke that they're expense kerry please be charming okay well here's the house oh and kerry listen uh... you will have to learn about indiana people they don't talk a great deal unless it's important yeah i know why afraid that they open their mouths they'll freeze their teeth so cold i could someone's coming i hope it's a saint bernard with a castle that is a saint bernard well my dear mrs brinker i'd know you anywhere it's so very nice to see you and uh... how are the children mrs brinker i guess i wasn't charming enough oh yes dear you were very charming but only one little thing the matter that wasn't mrs brinker did someone come in oh hello oh miss keelman i'll be right down don't feel anything uh... who was that it sounds like boo come on we'll wait in the living room laaar now what's that this is a living room well this is the purple horror alright but we'll do something with it yeah you can set fire to it in several places no no no it won't be half bad when we get rid of some of the the knickknacks and we cut away that scroll work do you mean to tell me you can do something with this funeral oh you'll be surprised now why are the sardomic smirks i wasn't smirking i'm just looking at you with new respect why because i know my business frankly i thought you'd be out of place in indiana now i can even imagine you churning a tub of butter how am i doing well your hair is in your eyes but you you look wonderful linda the dining room's in here uh... you see that um... that's a plate rack on the wall how can you talk about plate racks when i'm feeling so affectionate you must be falling out we're going to be here for a whole week and well i have what i think is a wonderful idea and it starts out like this with a kiss let's uh... let's do that again i have a better idea go to the hotel and take a nice cold shower i give up oh no don't give up it's very interesting nobody makes love like that in indiana or anywhere else hello boo dear how nice to see you again this is karry jackson our feature writer now don't get too near him but he wants to do judo mother and he'll be right down we didn't expect you so soon uh... what was that saying but not uh... that uh... lady who let us in must have been late from next door she's helping us with the curtains mr jackson father he's awfully nice for an older man just call me gramps glad to know you mr jackson i'm sure here's mrs brinker now hello mrs gillian mrs brinker and jean i'd like you to meet our feature writer karry jackson karry mrs brinker and jean well mrs brinker it's so nice to see you i know you anywhere i've heard so much about you and uh... this of course is jean hello yes you certainly are oh i think it's all terribly exciting all of you people coming all the way to indiana just for my little old wedding oh well we wouldn't miss your little old wedding for a little old million dollars i uh... i wish you'd get us more about how you go about this kind of story you told me a lot the last time miss gillman but since then the relatives well i was wondering if we really should go through with it oh why mrs brinker you'll be famous absolutely famous now let's go upstairs and have a chat shall we i'd like to wash up we're all invited out for supper mrs gillman some of the neighbors are giving a band dance and stage that well that's wonderful yes yes that's that's great well i guess this is sort of an occasion are you uh... are you a temperance man mr jackson am i a temperance oh mrs brinker are you by any chance uh... asking me if i'll have a drink i'll go get it i have to keep it hid like i saw in the movies once mrs brinker's temperance oh it's all right boo come on in oh i uh... i didn't think you saw me i'm glad i did i want to talk to you oh what about you you're a very attractive young lady you shouldn't let gene push you out of sight the way she does you're smart who might oppose the opinion of thousands boo uh... those pictures on the mantelpiece uh... family most of them tell me uh... how are all your uncles fine oh except uncle harry we don't talk about him little soft in the head maybe oh no he's a democrat uh... who's that boy in the photograph there with you oh that's bud oh the happy bridegroom is he a nice guy wonderful i gather boo likes bud uh... well does he know wouldn't make any difference oh no you mustn't underestimate yourself no i just haven't got sock uh... what is sock bounce bounce i see well i just haven't got any gene has used to make jim off a mat jim he's bud's brother well uh... why should jim care oh my goodness jim and gene were engaged once they were engaged bud's brother and gene well what happened well jim stayed in the army after the war he stationed in chicago well he doesn't get home very often and but i don't know i guess jim just likes attention i see so jim took up with bud leaving jim out in the cold and uh... you too and the wedding is only a few days off and you'll all live unhappily ever after boy what an angle angle what would happen if jim came home before the wedding probably cause an awful lot of trouble it would huh but i'd like it now you'd like it and i'd have something to write about let me see i could call the public relations officer at chicago and use the hallowed name of home life magazine to get jim jim ordered back here let's see what was the public relations officer's name lynn major lin major howard lin yeah and he could do it all right that's wonderful it's column right now mister jackson now it's a wonderful idea but i i can't do it forget it now that determined young lady upstairs would serve my head on a planet with an apple in my mouth it caused an awful lot of trouble but even so i've got it what's the matter with father well you excuse me your father and i are going to make some beautiful music you better do a call for an encore yeah you better get upstairs i will but first i've got a phone call to make i want to make a long-distance call i want to speak to major howard lin at the army base in chicago one moment please oh my gosh oh my god there's linda gillman and fred mcmarie as carrie jackson oh it's a few minutes later miss boo brinker has completed a phone call to chicago and there at an army base you heard me michael those are orders you mean i have to go major lin are you kidding a week's furlough home you don't understand sir my brother's getting married well well he's marrying my best girl at least she was never mind home life magazine wants you there report to a guy at the brinker house named carrie jackson and in the brinker house only boo knows that jim is on his way home upstairs linda gillman is chatting with a bride to be while down in the pantry carrie jackson is about to experience an unexpected sample of indiana hospitality i gotta keep this jug hit outside mr jackson mrs brinker's very temperance keeps putting the cork back in uh you i gather that makes the difference mr brinker well it don't ferment if you keep the cork in oh i see oh what is it cider apple cider apple cider you devil well here you are mr jackson well thanks uh well down the hatch i don't suppose there's any cafe in town where we could maybe get something a little the holy smoke cider i guess it is a little strong that uh that freezing don't leave much but pure alcohol i uh don't quite any matches around here that's all apples huh just plain apples pippins well i've bitten into many an apple mr brinker but this is the first time i've ever had one bite back at me how about another little snow day what do you say and do you think i better i guess i can't refuse apples and just plain little old apples a pack or something miss gillman oh thank you tell me something gene you happy oh i guess i am one thing's certain i'm not going to be lonely anymore lonely oh i was last summer nobody left in town i'll say i was lonely and then bud came along and i grabbed him now i'll ask you a question why aren't you married well mostly because um i was not why didn't you ask him boo oh now really yes boo now really you were listening in the hall again the only way i ever get to hear anything well i think i'll change did you press my red dress i put it on your bed was it mr jackson the man you didn't ask now who's interviewing who around here excited about the wedding boom i think it's ghastly you do why i don't think i'll tell you being very cryptic don't you like me oh yes oh very much you're what i want to be miss gillman you're so well so sure of yourself i am and you're chic oh for death well it's for me well i send away for the patterns i make addresses exactly the way they say but something happens when i get through not she i guess it's just me carrying your father seems to be getting along famously this gillman if you really wanted a man what would you do well i think i grab him just like your sister he would let death well you better get ready for barn dance i wonder what's going on down there i bet pop throws it again what oh nothing and thanks for a very interesting conversation well i didn't understand it all but i'm glad you did daddy where am i what is all this we're in a slay we're on our way home from a barn dance barn dance you mean you mean to tell me i've been to a barn dance that you have that you have he had a jug mr brinker had a juggy he claimed the stuff was made out of apples just little old apples and time to build yeah i don't remember a thing but no i don't want to tell you who are those giddy juveniles up front they're going home from the barn dance soup we are their chaperone this is where they all get off i did well well sure sure who's that sally good night honey oh good night honey i i must have had a wonderful time tonight yes you did wonderful just what kind of a wonderful time did i have a wonderful one by one you promised every girl at the crest of high to help her with her homework oh no it seems you're an expert on multiplication and then well then you went to sleep not a moment too soon you look very nice when you're asleep carry very young and innocent astonishing you know you're uh you're mellowing i think i'll help you with your homework now carry no now now stop it apparently you've never walked home from a sleigh ride i strongly advise against it it's better cold and those woods are teeming with wolves all right i said of this i'm much too young to die and you're very comfortable home like an old shoe you know your cheeks cold getting warm about a second you know i'm beginning to like crestville all of a sudden i think i could settle down too i could get a job in new york stay put i could even grow roses on sunday if that's what you want could you really no for me i guess i'd look pretty silly following you all over europe carrying your suitcases a respectable two paces behind and speaking only one spoken to we have what i believe is referred to as a problem don't we oh let's not make it a problem carrots let's not even talk about it why not you'd be heading for berlin again and so i miss you so linda linda gillman is not a woman ha morning linda how do you feel wonderful hey you're just in time how do you spell idyllic not never mind come here you want me to measure the curtains now oh oh no no mrs leis why don't you do the living room first already did uh we are making new drape oh oh that's nice nice has a story going there isn't too many characters i think mrs leis are you sure you've got the right measurements for the living room curtains all right i'll measure them again you can just call me when you're through spooker mind if i read over your shoulder yeah not at all you should read over my shoulder more oh what's that it's just mrs brinker paula trying to massage 10 pounds author paula has muscles like a seabed or when did paula get here oh the host app arrived a few minutes ago i wouldn't let them disturb you hey linda where are you i thought i was supposed to take some pictures well i'll be with you in a minute scott i give up linda it just can't be done so you don't want them to disturb me oh well i'm sorry carry all right rosemary what can't be done i'm supposed to teach mrs brinker how to make a cheese souffle and other goodies right well that's the way we planned it hi carry hi have you seen that stove in there that's not a stove it's a locomotive boiler you don't need a cook linda you need kasey jones well do the best you can and when you finish in the kitchen i want you to help me cook the living room sofa in half yeah look how about sending gene down here i need some vital statistics you know i know but paula will do all the necessary measuring okay i'm no good i'll kill myself satisfied gene's taking a bath oh then why don't i just run up there and get carry see who's at the door will you i'll send the bride down when she's through that well uh who are you who are you uh i asked first i'm lieutenant michael i've got orders to report here to uh mr jackson no what did you see your name was jim michael i've got a party nobody's home everybody's gone i'm boo where are you boo it's happening with the wallpaper who's that at the door go away smallpox dyubonic play they're all dead here paul has really been working her over with one of hacksaw who said it's the door just uh peddler i told him we didn't want it pedin that's an army officer what's he selling a topless airplane open the door carry okay who are you i'm jim michael i've I've got orders to report to a Mr. Jackson of home life magazine. Well, this is Mr. Jackson. Well, how do you do? How do you do? How do you do? You must be Bud's brother. I'm Linda Gilman. Oh, this is wonderful. It is? The wedding would not be complete without you, Lieutenant. Linda, I, uh, father's maybe something I ought to know. Your family and the brinkers make such a delight. Oh, Miss Gilman, excuse me for interrupting, but I've been deliberately trying to avoid being home. It's about him and Jean. What of awesome? Jean? Well, hello. What are you doing here? I'm home. You are? Yeah. I thought you were still in Chicago. Oh, no, I'm home. They were engaged once. Harry? No, look, Linda. I'll admit I had the idea, but I gave it up. I dropped it, definitely. I thought you'd do something like this. We're going to do something about that soap. I'll need a saw. You see the saw around here? Just a minute, Rosemary. Well, I hope you'll be very happy, Jean. I am already. I'm delighted to see that you're both intelligent young people. Oh, you needn't worry, Miss Gilman. I'm going to be very happy with Bud. He appreciates me. He wouldn't go off and leave me. Oh, look, I told you a thousand times I'd. I think I'm going to wait until I'm practically an old maid to get married. You're very much mistaken. Well, now that's the kind of nasty talk we like to hear. Listen, Mr. Jackson, this is pretty rough. If you don't mind, I like to stay away until the wedding's over. Oh, good, good. Anything you want, old man. Anything. So long, Miss Gilman. Goodbye, Jean. Well, for a moment there, I thought we were in trouble about the story, I mean. Well, no harm done. What's the matter with her? Nothing. She's just so happy. The whole June issue of Whole Life magazine has just gone out that door. Oh, wait a minute before you flip your lid. There's another angle to this. Angle, that's all you think about. I have five million readers waiting for the wedding of Jean and Bud. Suddenly, all I have left is an angle. Well, what are you going to do? Try and persuade those two to be sensible, and I'd better succeed if you know what I mean. Oh, honey, we'll chandelier down, Linda. What'll I do? Oh, later, Scotty, later. Why haven't we heard from Kerry? He's probably dead. Why don't you turn your motor off for a while, Madam Editor? You've been going like this for three days now. Ever since the kids walked out and disappeared, never. Sam Kerry, I should have kept on looking for them myself. In less than 24 hours, the wedding's supposed to take place in this house and in this room. Well, what are we going to tell Mama? Well, she's not suspicious. Oh, no. She still thinks that Jean went to visit her out in Fort Wayne, but when Jean doesn't show up for the wedding. It's me, it's me. Anything wrong, Mrs. Brinker? I just wanted to ask if I could please have a cup of tea. No, no, Mrs. Brinker. We've spent all week drawing you out. You don't want to spoil your nice new figure, do you? Oh, my God, Mrs. Brinker, you're looking very chic. I bet Mr. Brinker's so proud of you. Well, Fitman says he doesn't care if I'm chic or not. This is as long as I've stopped screaming. Well, I think I'm just a down and up. Hold it, Mrs. Brinker. I better get some of the pins out of that dress first. My, all that sewing and pounding. Oh, they didn't really cut off the front porch, did they? No, it's not as bad as that. We just took off some of the scroll work. Oh, I'm glad that's the only thing I wouldn't want to do. Linda, there's somebody here to see you at the back door. Oh, see who it is. Will you, Paula? I think you'd better come, Linda. It's Mr. Jackson. Mr. Jackson, come back. Well, I found her all right, Jean and Jim Mitchell. Where are they, Karen? Indianapolis. What are they doing there? Well, the last time I saw them, they were necking. Now, don't be funny. Why didn't you stay with them? Well, I fell a little out of place on a honeymoon. You see, they're married. Married? Well, that does it. All right, Karen, you'd better go inside and tell Mrs. Brinker. You're not going to go through with the story? Well, there isn't any story now, obviously. We'll be leaving here tomorrow afternoon. We'll do it quickly in New York, but I can't leave this house in this mess. Oh, now, wait a minute before you give up. I started this for a particular reason. I'm trying to be very patient with you, Karen. Well, thank you. But don't you think you're taking this thing a little too seriously? Seriously. I'm two days away from my deadline. We've already plated up six pages of picture, 1,000 words of copy, and here I am without a story. Without a, you've got the best story of your life, a real story about human beings. And it isn't finished yet. But if you're girding up your lawyers to fire me, go ahead and fire me. Get out of here. Your usual reaction to a crisis, isn't it? Simply walk away and let somebody else clean up the mess you've made. I'm just trying to get out of from underneath this labor versus management relationship of ours. Every time I get affectionate with you, I feel as though I were snuggling up to the Taft Hartley bill. But you needn't be troubled by it any longer. You're, you, you're fired. OK. Now, what about us? Everything's finished here, Karen, including us. That's very easy for you, isn't it? A little soft music, a kiss or two, a wave of the hand, an exit. I'm so sorry for you, and you're so sweet, and so patient, and so utterly dependable. And here I am being cruel to you on the flimsy pretext that you've just ruined everything we've done here. Don't give me that. You're not firing me because Jean Brinker ran off with a man she should have married in the first place. It's because you're madly in love with me, and to you, that's a sign of weakness. You are incredible, incredible. Perched up on that pinnacle of masculine ego, looking down at poor, weak, defenseless females, and pitying them because they don't have beards. If you had a beard, I wouldn't look at you twice. Very amusing. And a typical male reaction to intellectual defeat. Me, intellectually defeated? Oh, yes, I've run into that attitude before. Every woman does the minute she starts to make a career for herself. Get back to the kitchen, mother, as a man. Well, all I want to do is find out where I stand with you, and all of a sudden, I knee deep in a battle of the sexes. What is this? Right from the beginning, you've refused to follow instructions because I'm a woman, and not to be taken seriously. This whole trip has been one big, hilarious joke to you. Laughing gaily all the while, you've deliberately ruined the story we set out to do. You've got a darn good story here. Only you're so mad you can't see it. Maybe I have been a little bit flippant, but that's the way I am. I can't go around bleeding from every pore, just because things go gold just right. But that's always Berlin, you know. Yes, there is. I only took this job, poorly looted dope that I am, because it meant a great deal to me to be near you again. You have changed. Whatever else was wrong with you, you used to be honest. I came back looking for you. Well, the next time, you can go and look for me. And one thing more. What? Give me back my cigar. Bride, starring Irene Dunn, Linda Gilman, and Fred McMurray as Kerry Jackson. Linda Gilman's June bride has turned into a January bride. Thanks, she believes, to Kerry Jackson. And her own romance with the ex-born correspondent is as cold as the Indiana countryside. In this moment of despair, Kerry has a visitor, the little fixer-upper, Boo Brinker. Do me a favor, Boo. Don't ever be a woman. You're still mad at me, aren't you? And Linda still thinks it was you who brought Jim Mitchell back. No, it doesn't matter. Don't worry about me. Oh, I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about Vlad. He's coming over. Well, you told him about Gina. What'd he say? He said, huh? Apparently, it wasn't much of a blow to him. Oh, it was. I can tell from the way you said it. You're really in love with Bud, aren't you? But he doesn't like me. What makes you so sure? I can tell. How? The way he breathed. I don't get it. Well, when he's around Gina, he always breathes like this. Because he doesn't really think of you as an attractive woman. Why not? I haven't the faintest idea. If we could only make Bud jealous. I mean, if we could make him think that somebody, me, for instance, was madly in love with you. Look, will you go upstairs and tell Paula to give you that honeymoon dress that Jean was going to wear? And you put it on. But I can't. What's coming over? Well, that's just the point. Now, hurry. I'll keep him occupied till you're ready to come down. Where's Boo? What'd she want? Sit down, Bud. Here, have a chair. Oh, no, better still have half a sofa. Bud, you know, the minute I saw you, I said, there's a man of the world. You did? Yes. Naturally, when all this happened with Jean, I knew you'd take it well. I'm trying to, Mr. Jackson. I'm glad we could get together this way, old man. I've been wanting to ask your advice. Yeah? It's about Boo. Who? Boo. Do you think Boo could be interested in a man like me? Huh? I refer to marriage, of course. Boo? Boo. Since I've been here, I've become very fond of it. Boo? I must say, I admire your ability to carry on a conversation with just a few simple little words. Well, a lot has happened to me today, Mr. Jackson. I just can't seem to catch up. Let me get this straight. You want to marry Boo? If she'll have me. But you're too old for her. She's just a kid. Oh, but Boo is blossoming. She's becoming a very attractive woman. I don't know whether you've ever noticed. That isn't the point. You just don't think of Boo as anybody's wife. You don't. I do. I can see you're in a wedding dress right now. As a matter of fact, Boo, how nice you look. Thank you. Yeah, swell. I can't tell you how sorry I am, but about Jean. Oh, well, forget it. You have such a noble character. That dress is exquisite, dear. And so are you, dear. Gee, Wilkins, Mr. Jackson, you're the only man I know that treats me like a woman. Well, that's because I know you have the makings of a first-class wife. Hey, no, wait a minute. What's on your mind, bud? You take your hands off of her. She's not your kind of girl. Well, who's kind of girl is she? I've watched Boo ever since she could walk. She doesn't need you. Well, this is still a free country, isn't it? How about a little kiss, baby? Mm. What? Man, what a woman. Obviously, dear, bud. Hey, what's been going on with you and him anyhow? Does your father know that a man that's practically old enough to be your mother is making passes at you? Hey, Mr. Jackson's awfully nice, and he says the most exciting thing. Now, you listen to me, Boo Brinker. I don't like what's been going on around here, and I don't like. What's the matter? It's you. You look different. I do. I mean, do I? Yeah. A little bit as though you're kind of, yeah, you sure do. You're blossoming. You're becoming a very attractive girl. I am. Were you going to say something else? No. Hey, how come you're leaning on me as you're back tired? I beg your pardon? Beg my pardon. Boo, do you like me as much as you do, Mr. Jackson? More. I guess I always have. You're so strong. I am. Boo, I know I'm not much, but we've always gotten along so well together and everything. Yes. What I'd like to ask you is, will you marry me? Marry me. Yeah, now, right away. Only after what's happened after Jean and all, well, I don't blame you for saying no. Who said no? You mean, oh, swell, swell. What goes on here? Oh, Linda, we, well, we're going to get married. And right away, if other people can get married, so can other people. Married? You won't change your mind? Oh, look, stay right here. Don't go away. If I haven't, say don't move. Paula, Scott Rosemary, come here quickly. Scott, look, unpack everything. Set up your cameras. Paula, Rosemary, you help me tell Mrs. Brinker. Oh, what's happened? The wedding is going to take place right on schedule, except that the bride is now boo. Who's the lucky man? Not that it matters. Behold, the bridegroom comers him. If you're concerned about the fact that I'm still in the house, I- Now, don't be silly. We're going through with our plans. There's going to be a wedding after all, but is going to marry boo. Who? Boo. Don't you'd be surprised? I'm astounded. I'm astounded. All right, now we can get back to work. You fired me, remember? Well, I'm firing you. Why? Oh, for heaven's sake, Carrie, we have a wedding to run off, and not very much time to do it. And I can't get another bride or at this late date. Here, this is for you. What is it? Copy, a story, pages. Oh, no, none of this is any good now. We'll have to get completely new material. How, oh, how bud and boo grew up together and how they discovered each other, only because we came into their lives. That's the lead. Now, does that sound all right? Oh, yes, yes, very good. Fine, then you get started right away. It'll be here when you want it. Oh, I'm so nervous. Now, before you go downstairs, Mrs. Brinker, I want you to be sure you know just what to do. We're going to take pictures all during the ceremony, but now don't let that bother you. Just be natural. Are you sure I look all right? Oh, boo, you look lovely. I hope you'll be very happy. Thank you. My baby, my little boo. There's the wedding march. You're cute to go down, Mrs. Brinker. Oh, don't cry, Mom. I'm just getting married. Now, after the ceremony, boo, remember, you and Bud are in the reception line. Oh, we'll be there. And just be sure to speak all the names loudly and clearly so that Mr. Jackson can take them down for the picture caption. Mr. Jackson, oh, but he isn't here. What do you mean he isn't here? I guess you've been too busy to notice he left last night. Left? Stephen called me from New York this morning to wish me good luck. You didn't know? Oh, well, this is hardly your problem. Good luck, boo. You can take her downstairs now, Mr. Brinker. All the matter, madam. I want a picture with you. Oh, boo, get downstairs. Scott, where you belong. What's the matter with you? Carrie's left. Walked out without finishing the story. Where did he go? New York. Let's face it, we haven't done his story. Honey, left the copy. I have it right here. No, no, that's the old stuff on G. But I just read it. It's all about boo. About boo? Let me see. Then he knew all the time. Well, this is the whole story. I don't get it. Oh, it's very simple. Terribly simple. I've just been an absolute idiot. If you're looking for an argument, you better pick another subject. Well, we don't want to miss boo's whi- Marlinda, you're crying. I'm not crying. It's not dignified. By all means, keep your dignity, madam editor. Personally, on these cold wintery nights, I like a nice warm back to put my feet on. Shall we go down? Yes. This finishes it. The June issue. All ready to go to bed. Any idea what we'll do for July? Oh, something rare, rich and novel, probably with firecrackers in it. Same writer. Oh, by the way, you called my office this afternoon. Gary, what was he calling about? This check. Oh. Well, I'll be inside. Marlinda, come in. And what is that untidy object you're clutching? Our June issue, Carlton. Dummy copying. I need your OK before it goes to the printer. Sit down. And Carlton, you have three months in which to find a new editor for home life. Re-signing, you? Yes. Well, if you've had a better offer, I'm sure we can. No, no, it's just that I'm tired of being a brick wall covered with roses. From now on, it lavender and old lace for Linda Gilman. With slippers and a pipe for Kerry Jackson? Mm-hmm. I can find him. I take it he's not aware of the, uh, the bliss in stopping him. No. Have you seen him? Uh-huh. Have you been in? Constantly. Personally, I think he's just been waiting for you to come back. Oh, yes, I can imagine. Well, why don't you ask him? Go on, open that door. Trying to tell me that Kerry. Then I'll open the door. Kerry? Well? Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Kerry. I was all wrong about you. You always have been. I only have two more issues to get out, and I'll be free after that. You need a rest. I was thinking maybe next month we could do the story of Jean and Jim, the newlyweds in Chicago. Well, have a good time. Oh, no. I'm not all of it. No, no. No, not me. I'll be doing something else. I'm leaving. As a matter of fact, I just stopped by now to say goodbye to Carlton. See, my suitcase is over there. It was a beautiful wedding, Kerry. Carlton was very happy, except me. I cried. I cried for a long time. I haven't done that in years. I was probably hay fever. Kerry, don't make jokes. Don't shut me out. Nobody expects. You've been dangling me like a yo-yo all week. Go away, Kerry. Come back, Kerry. I never know whether you're going to kiss me or kick me. You want me to tell you? Now, don't get provocative. And stop turning off the lights. We've been all through that. Kerry, you know very well we're perfectly mated. After all, we're opposite sexes. Perhaps you remember the conversation we had about growing roses on Sunday versus carrying these suitcases all over Europe? It's become a very simple, old-fashioned question of who wears the pants. And I'd look pretty silly without them. Oh, Kerry, wait. Wait. Well? You forgot your suitcases. I'll carry them. Where to? Berlin. Uh-huh. Afghanistan. Uh-huh. Baluchistan. Uh-huh. Madagascar. Anywhere. Please step forward for a well-deserved curtain call.