 J-E-L-L-O! The Jello Program starring Jack Benny with Johnny Green and his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with, don't say a word, just dance. We all need bright colors to keep our spirits up. When it comes to colors, that's where Jello shines. It's the liveliest, gayest dessert you can find. Sunshiney orange, shimmering green, the deep, rich tones of rose and crimson. Six different colors from which to choose. Everyone lovely, clear and glowing. And when it comes to taste, ah, that's where Jello shines again. For it's packed, crammed, full of delicious, real fruit flavor. Flavor is truly luscious as the fresh ripe fruit itself. No other gelatin dessert can equal Jello's extra-rich flavor. So don't accept any substitutes. Insist on the one and only genuine Jello. Fit monotonous. Now, can't we make some kind of a change in this program? I don't know what you mean, Don. How? Well, why don't you introduce me? You take the commercial and give me the opening build-up. Oh, that's awfully silly. Well, it can't be any worse than it has been, so why not try it out? You know, I'll take your lines and you take mine. All right, Don, but you'll see, every man to his own racket. Hey, Green, take the finish of your first number again. Okay. That was Johnny Green playing the Lost Core. And now we bring to you our master of ceremonies, that stage and screen star, Jack Benny. Jello again. This is Jack Benny, the funny man of this program. How am I doing? Fine, Don, that's a great idea, and I'll take your part. Tell me, Jack, how did you do at the Stanley Theater in Pittsburgh last week? Well, I'll tell you, Don, I had a wonderful week. My jokes killed them, and when I finished my violin solo, the audience cheered. Well, Jack, the way you played Love and Bloom, they should cheer at the finish. Yeah. Oh, yeah, well, one day we turned away 5,000 people. Say, this is a cute idea, isn't it, switching parts? Oh, yeah. Come in. Well, well, if it isn't Kenny Baker. How are you, Kenny? I'm Mary. You're playing Kenny's part tonight. Oh. Well, how are you, Kenny? Gee, it's a thrill. Well, Kenny, I see you finally bought yourself a suit of Eastern clothes. Yes, I got to pair of pants with it. Those jokes don't fit you, Mary. No, the pants do. Say, Kenny. Yes, Jack? How do you like New York now? Great. I went to see the six-day bicycle race last week. Even Kenny must be lying. That's all right. Well, you went to see the six-day bicycle race. Who won it? I don't know. I only stayed five days. And speaking of the six-day race, let me tell you about Jello, with its six-daylicious flavor. Not yet, not yet, Don. Not yet. Oh, pardon me, I think. Well, see you later, fellas. I've got a date. Look out of the window. OK, Kenny. Hello, Jack. Has the program started yet? Very limited. Might be a good idea, but Mary needs a shave. Oh, Mary, here's Don Wilson. Hello, Mary. Hello, Tut. Want to hear a poem or wrote Don? No. All right, then. Maybe Jack will listen. Here it is. It's entitled Spring. Mmm. Spring is nearly here. Oh, spring is nearly here. Birdie's singing everywhere. People changing underwear. So have a care. Oh, have a care, cause spring is nearly here. How's that, Kenny? One of us is rotten. And speaking of spring, why not spring over to your nearest grocer and ask for the big red letters on the box? Not yet, Don. Not yet, please. Oh, well, oh, Jack, after all, people are dying to know what program this is. Now you know how it feels to be interrupted, you mug. I realize it, though. Well, anyway, tonight, folks, uh, see who's at the door, Kenny? Uh, come in. Well, well, Johnny Green. That isn't me. I'll leave the orchestra here, and I won't stand for this. But, Johnny, we're just changing the program around. Just for a novelty. You get tired doing the same thing every week. When? You keep out of this, Wilson. Well, I didn't say anything. Who said you did? Then what are you talking about? Say, who started this anyhow? Pascanini over there. He thinks he's Johnny Green. Oh, that guy. Play, Jack. I know that many of you listeners are a little confused with the blanks you have to fill out, but we'll try to help you. That's the least we can do. And now we take you to the income tax office, which is not unlike a bank. Only the paying teller is missing. All right. Music, John. Miss Livingston, uh, what are the collections here so far? Uh, let me see. Uh, $79.20. That's $280 behind last year. I know what the trouble is. This office looks terrible. I'd expect people to come in and pay their tax in a dump like this. Put some flowers on my desk. Take off that picture of George Washington and bring in a few easy chairs. Make the customers want to come in here. Maybe now we'll do some business. Good morning. I'd like to pay my income tax. What did I tell you, Miss Livingston? Well, sir, this is the place. What's your name? Johnny Green. Occupation? Orchestra leader. Mm-hmm. Were you born in this country? No. What orchestra leader was? Now, Mr. Green, what was your gross income for 1935? $325,842.09. I see. And what was your net? $12. I suppose you took everything off that you're entitled to? Everything but my shirt. Oh. And it won't be long now. Did you have any bad investments last year, Mr. Green? Yes. I bet on Max Baer to beat Joe Lewis. Mm-hmm. Any dependence? Max Baer. Oh, Miss Livingston, uh, what is the owe so far? $0.85. Oh, fine. I'll pay it. Just a minute now. Are you married? You know, you're allowed $2,500 for a wife. If I had one, I'd sell. I see. Well, here's your $0.85. Oh, it's such a small amount I'll toss you, double or nothing. All right. Head. Tails, you lose. Well, it isn't the first time the government took it on the chin. Goodbye. So long. Nice fellow, wasn't he, Miss Livingston? Come in. Please, I'd like to pay my intercom tax. Well, you couldn't find a better place. What's your name? Giuseppe Andoni Parmigino. How do you spell that? You know spell. You just put them down. How are you, Mr. Washington disease? Uh, what, uh, what business are you in? I'm a 60-day basic rider. I'll just put down a peddler. Are you married? Yes. How many children have you got? How many flavors you got? What's the owe, Miss Livingston? Let's see. $1,500 divided by six children. Add one loving cup. How much have you got now? Just what you owe us. Thank you. Well, that's at least a promise. Have you ever filed your income tax yet? Did I? A big country like me sings. Uh, how much do we collect, Miss Livingston? Yes. Thanks for calling me an orange deck. Don't mind him, Kenny. He's always kidding. Oh, I know. It's just a scheme to mention two of our flavors. You're right, Kenny. I'm with you. Oh, well, thanks. It's very sweet of you. Say, what are you doing tonight, Mary? Oh, nothing. Why? You like Chinese food? Oh, I love it. Not me. I'm going to a dance tonight. So long. I'm in New York, and I'm talking to him. What's the matter, Mary? Oh, nothing. You like Chinese food, Jack? Certainly, why? Kenny's going to a dance. What's funny about that? You know, I notice you look kind of sad tonight. What's the matter with you? Oh, I don't know, Jack. I'm homesick. You know, New York is the loneliest place in the world if you don't know anyone. Why, Kenny, I thought you were having a great time here. All I do is look at tall buildings. Gee, Jack, you're so familiar with New York, how we should show me around. Why, certainly, Kenny, you should have mentioned this before. I didn't know you felt that. We haven't just been to Greenwich Village or Grant's Tomb or the Central Park Zoo. Oh, the zoo? Gee, I've never been to the zoo. I'd like to see a wild animal. Why, haven't you seen any animals in California? Oh, just the MGM lion. Well, that's too bad. You've just got to see the zoo. I'll take you right now. Come on, Mary, you two don't. Hey, play something, Johnny. We get back. We're going to the zoo. They isn't marvelous how they hang by their tails in the sun. They just see some of the oddest animals in the world. Do you? Gee, I'd like to see an algebra. An algebra? How about some wild arithmetic? Hey, boy, give me a bag. How much is it? Seven cents. Seven cents for a bag of peanuts? Yeah, there's a two-cent deposit on the bag. Just a little round. Show us around and see the place right. Let's call one of the attendants. Yeah. Oh, you with the uniform, will you show us around? Sure, and that's what I'm here for. Yes, sir, here's the master of ceremonies around here. We'll see him after the strike is over. I have to take this club and beat him over to the back. Hey, what are you hitting that giraffe for? I'm trying to raise, make a camel out of him. Hey, uh, keeper, we want to see some elephants. Where are they? Yeah, we want to feed them some peanuts. Oh, the elephants. Where are those elephants? That's funny, they were here just a minute ago. I hope you don't think we have them. Hey, Kenny, you didn't take an elephant, did you? No, Jay. Come on, now, who's got those elephants? Nelson must have been standing in front of them. Here's some peanuts. Here you are, sir. Imagine an elephant not wanting peanuts. Then why not try Jell-O with the most tempting gelatin dessert in the world? No one with feathers. We'll show the bird that brings the babies. Gee, that one looks all broken down. That's the one that brought the quintuplets. He was retired on a pension. Talk must be Freddie Allen's bird. Like him. Well, now, Polly, I'll give you $10 more than Freddie, Beja. Come on, Polly wants some Jell-O. We'd like to see the different wild animals. I got anything what you want. Look, here's the lion that brought Beck. Hey, Keeper, have you got any... Keeper, have you got any raccoon? Yes, sir, I could show you something very nice. Here, try this on. And if you like it, I'll take out the animal. I don't like raccoon on Kenny. It makes him look too calidious. Thank you. Have you got something in tiger? No, but I got something else in a stripe. Here, feel this fish good. Hey, what is this? A zoo or a clothing store? That's up to you. Now, look, Mr. Benny, for you, I got a nice piece of porcupine with the skin you love to touch. Porcupine? How much is it? The pork you can have for nothing, but you'll have to charge you for the pine. Hey, listen, Benny Rubin, don't you think we're overdoing this? It's your program, but it's my animals. Say, if you'd like to see something more, come this way. Oh, wait a minute. I'd like to see something in mink. I'll have you meet my wife. What cage is she in? Very quiet. Ask him if he's got any wild pigs. Well, in this case, I'll have to turn you over to the other Keeper. Well, here are the pigs now, and the next cage are 16 of the finest monkeys you've ever seen. Oh, and believe me, those little devils can do everything but speak. They can? You're a chatter. Who's that big one in front? That's if the head monkey is not used to the cage yet. Yeah, yeah. Don't they look like Johnny Green and his boys? Gee, this is the best I've seen yet. Hey, listen, I've been installing enough on this program. Come on, open up this cage. I better leave before he's getting out. Hey, let me out of here. Let me out of here. Can't you tell me from a monkey? I'll be darned if I can. You'll have to prove it. Play, John. See, an informal about Sunday night supper for everybody, growing ups and youngsters alike. So here's a suggestion for next Sunday that will make it a special occasion. Sunday night pudding, it's called, and you make it like this. Dissolve a package of strawberry jello in warm water. Chill until slightly thickened. Then add half a cup of chopped walnut meats and one cup of chopped dates and a chilled firm. Serve with whipped cream. Gee, you have a great dessert because strawberry jello has delicious as real ribber to use genuine jello. Look for those big...