 But a text popped up on your phone from a girl that I knew you had just become friends with and I knew there was some sort of interest in her because if we all were hanging out you really gravitated towards her but I was at Jasper just being insecure like just stop. And then I saw the text pop up so I knew her name and she, should I say what the text said? Yeah. Okay, it's it. Yep. It is just me sitting here. I know you used to see Shan here but I decided to be something crazy. A couple weeks ago, I'm sure you guys saw Shan did a video where she talked to her ex. And then you guys were in the comment section saying Jared should do this with his ex. And I thought to myself, it's probably not a good idea. Mainly because as you're going to see I was very much the negative person in the relationship. But I had to think to myself, this is for the bigger picture, the reason why you're doing this exercise is to gain insight and to give insight. Even if you feel like you're not the same person, you are still responsible for your actions in the past. And yeah, you guys are about to see all of the actions that I made that really ruined the relationship that I had in my past. If you are as crazy as I am and you're thinking about reaching out to your ex and maybe you're not sure about it, then go over to TheGameOfDesire.com and take the quiz which is powered by Squarespace. And speaking of Squarespace, they are the sponsor of this video. This video is brought to you by Squarespace. Whatever you need from websites to online stores to marketing tools like newsletters, Squarespace has you covered. Choose from tons of templates to make your web presence stunning and make it fast. Last month, Shane ran a contest and gave someone Squarespace for an entire year. Since then, Life Coach Lene built Tlanes.com. Now it's your turn to power your next big idea with an all-in-one platform. If you haven't done so, go check out Squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash Shanboody to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Do you remember when we first met? Yeah, I feel like I remember better than you remember. So I kind of want to hear your version of it because I know probably down to every detail. Maybe I shouldn't say that. That might be embarrassing. Oh, you know what? I remember it wasn't at the dance party. I don't even know why that dance studio was having a party and you were there and I'm like, this is not a dancer. I want to know him. You were really like in your own world not giving me any like attention. I was like, now I'm more intrigued. I want to know this person. And yeah, I think we maybe talked one night at that party and then a week later, I was pretty brave. Probably Liquid Courage found you on Twitter and just followed you. And then I was like, if you messages me, like that's good, but I'm not going to reach out. I already followed him. I did enough of the work and then you messaged me and then the rest is history, I guess. I remember when at that party, like every time you walk past, I just remember just like following like who is this person. I want to know who this person is. And then when you had followed me on Twitter, I already knew it was game from then. Like I was like, oh, she found me on Twitter. Like this is just as much as a DM. So I'm going to go ahead and hop into DMs. But it's so funny that you say the first night that we met that you were like following me because that's news to me. Because in my mind, this guy doesn't even notice me. He doesn't even remember meeting me five minutes ago. So it's funny that you say that. No, the thing is like, no, I was going to say that's like part of my my thing. Like I'll be like, all right, I'll pee and I'll just be like, let me just make sure she's over about the drinks. All right, let me go over there. Let me go get a drink real quick and just kind of brush by and brush over here. So yeah, that was low key up for next. So yes, Jasmine and I, we dated for about three years. Was it perfect? No. Do we have our issues? Yes. However, when I think back to it, I think to myself and I remember it very positively. And I remember I was in a time in my life where I was heavily involved in the church. And she really inspired me to think for myself. She really led me on that path to really become the person that I am today. And so when I think back to our relationship, I remember it being a very positive influence on who I am. But I remember Shane saying this. I remember things very positively and I'm acutely aware that whenever you remember things very positively, it's because you were probably the negative person. And then I had to start thinking to myself, was it positive for her? And that's where the question mark hit. When do you think the relationship started to take a turn for the worse? I don't know if I have a specific moment. I do. Oh my, oh wait, I do, I do, I do, I do. But it's me, but it's me, it's me. I do actually. Now that I think of it, I remember being doing a TV show where I couldn't, I had to be away. And you were never a lovey-dovey type. Like you, you weren't very like, you didn't do PDA, you didn't do any of that. Which is still an issue in my, my current. That was such an issue for me because I'm so like. So I remember you texting me one night like late and you were just being so lovey-dovey. Like I can't believe how much I've fallen for you, you crazy cat lady. Like just saying all these things and just, and I'm like, this is so interesting. Like he must be drinking. And then I, you pick me up the next day and I asked you, you know, what we, what we were doing the night before. And you're like, nothing, I was just not calling. They're just, those were real feelings. Like that's just how I felt. And then we're hanging out and your apartment. And I remember us scrolling through, is this the same memory you have? Yep. Oh my God. I remember us scrolling through your Instagram and I'm just like, when I look back on like Jasmine, how did you not like get it right away? But a text popped up on your phone from a girl that I knew you had just become friends with. And I knew there was some sort of interest in her because if we all were hanging out, you really gravitated towards her. But I was like, Jasmine, you're just being insecure. Like just stop. And then I saw the text pop up. So I knew her name and she, should I say what the text said? Yeah. Okay. It said, ha ha ha. We almost had sex last night. And I was like, and I had read it and you just kind of, I don't know what you did, but you just like froze. And I just kept scrolling because in my mind the text was ha ha ha. We just had, we almost had sex last night. I thought she was texting you about like this guy. Like, oh my God, I mean this guy almost had sex. So I was just like, oh whatever. Do you see how good you are? Do you see how good of a person you are? Like in the heat of the battle, you think of the good in me. Like I almost don't even really, I don't know if I'm ready to hear that real story. It was just so indeniable. But I was like, I stopped because I was like, wait, jazz, be smarter than that. Yeah. And I looked at you and you were like frozen. You're like, she just saw that. And I was like, wait, is she talking about you guys? And you were like, hey, let me explain. Last night I was drinking and I'm like, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're drinking. You told me that you weren't. This story is not hot enough. And yeah, I remember being like, I need to go to the bathroom. And I just went in the bathroom and was like, I'm not going to cry in front of him. I'm not going to cry in front of him. And I just looked at myself in the mirror like you got this. I walked back out to you and I'm like, take me home. Just take me home. And you were so upset. You were just crushed. And I think because you were so crushed that I was like, I'll never do that again. Like he'll just, he's so upset that he hurt me and he knows how upset I am. But that's not even how it works in guys. I know, but it's my first relationship, you know? And you're just, you're so in that mindset. Or like when you're younger and you think like, okay, if we break up, like I'm never going to find someone as good as him. Like I, like this is supposed to be my person. So I'm just going to see the best in them. And just so in denial. I had became friends with you at the same time that I had became friends with. And. And so we were. No, that's not. No. Or did I get become friends with them after you came friends with them after we were well into our, into our situation. Yeah. Long story. Long story. Yeah. Long story short. It was like I had, you guys were my two friend groups that I would hang out with. And, um, I mean, there's no question. Like he always had like a thing like seductive, but it, but it wasn't like a relationship thing. It was, there was just like a few, like a, um, a very charged sexual energy between you and I was not upfront. I was not able. I didn't have the words to be able to, to tell you that maybe, um, you know, this relationship style was not that best for me or I thought this was the only relationship style. I thought like monogamy. If you decide to make a woman, your girlfriend, that's who you're with the entire time. Um, I didn't know that there was, there was a spectrum of things. Um, and so yeah, I feel so bad, um, about the way that I handled the relationship and treated you. I remember one time it was on New Year's Eve and we were at, I don't know if you remember this, we were at a, um, we were at like a New Year's Eve party and there was a girl in like a red dress that like, I don't know. To be honest, I never, I never even noticed her. And then you were like, she keeps looking at you. And then from that night, from that moment on, like we, me and her just could not stop flirting. And then like you would be like, what, what is wrong with you? But, but it was like not even like, I didn't even notice it at first, but that's the thing. You loved it. I just remember you loving situations and I'm like, this boy, like, and then, you know, being the girl, you start to think, well, what's wrong with me? Why not enough? Why does he have to look so many other places? Like, so that's where my thinking was going. But I don't remember that story. Cause I felt like there was a lot like that. But I don't remember that. Yeah. There was a whole, there was probably so many, there was probably so many situations. But I remember that, that, that very vividly, like, I, cause you know what it was? It was the first moment that I was like, Oh, you do this and you're not even aware. Like you're, you're flirting with somebody and you don't even know that you're flirting and you don't even know that you're, you're the one who's cultivating this seductive energy. You're the one who's going. So that was like the first moment where I was like, Oh, maybe this is what, this is the problem. There were so many like situations in our relationship where I just really never got any answers because I also did want to hear the answers. Yeah. So, this is so weird for me to ask this. And I'm comfortable a little bit, but before we broke up, I do remember when you and Shannon had met. Yes. And we were in a relationship for probably another six months or so. Yeah. Yep. And of course I knew because Jared, I did so many cringy things in our relationship when I think back, I just can't even believe that person that I was. So funny. So of course I knew when you followed a new girl and you followed her that you guys had met and there was some sort of thing and I had in the back of my mind, like, okay, something sneaky is going on, but I'm just not going to think about it. And then when we broke up a few months later, I, or maybe I don't know how long later, but you guys ended up getting together. Maybe not like in a serious sense. And so just from then on until this point now in my life, I've just always had it in the back of my mind, but there was something maybe before, before we broke up between. Yeah. Like something maybe like a some situation between you guys just because I had felt that before. And then when we broke up and you got together, I said, but I totally speculated because you just followed each other on Instagram and it was not even, but in my head, liking pictures met. Oh my God. He wants this. Yeah. Yeah. So believe it or not, there was nothing between us for a year. And so we met, followed each other on Instagram and we actually didn't hook up or do anything like, like, or even talk sexually until a year after we met. So we had, I actually was dealing with like a couple other women before I even started dealing with Shan. I thought you were going to say in our relationship, I was like, wait, what? No, no, no, no. Like you and I broke up. Yeah. And then I went on like a rampage. Oh, actually. I was like talking to everybody, trying to fill, you know, all the voids. I remember when we broke up, you started dating this blonde guy with long hair. Not when we broke up Jared. That was like a year and a half after we broke up. Like it was so long ago. Really? I mean so long after. Yes. I was single for a good, for sure a year. Were you jealous? Was I jealous? I mean, he had long hair. Why do you think I got hair now? I'm just kidding. No, but, but yeah, I just remember. Yeah. I remember being like, I remember being like, oh, oh, okay. All right. Beach boy. All right. All right. No, I was happy for you. I was really happy for you. First and foremost, I just want to say if you are triggered by this because you were in a relationship where the person wasn't completely honest and you caught them cheating or you caught them messing around or you may have seen them doing something that you didn't approve of. It's not cool. I think everybody deserves honesty. I think everybody deserves straight upness. But I was in a place where I was trying to love somebody before I understood myself. And that is a breeding ground for pain. And that is a breeding ground for mistakes. So we have to examine this. And if you look at the relationship like a four-legged stool, you have to have four parts to hold the relationship up. So we were attracted to each other. So we had that. We had the same lifestyle. We had that. But we didn't have the same long-term goals and we didn't have the same value system. She looked at the relationship long-term, forever marriage. This is my person type thing. And I was more in survival mode. I was 21. I was more of just kind of letting life happen to me. We didn't have the same value system on the relationship dynamic. But we also didn't have the same value system on privacy and individuality. And so when you're young, you're only focusing on the two legs that you do have. And a relationship will never be stable with only two legs. You need four or you need at least three. And we didn't have that. And so I think that what ended up happening is she stayed in it too long and I tried to fit in it too long. And that resulted in us making very, very bad decisions. I knew the relationship was over, but we stayed in it. And I remember like just being feeling, I don't, I don't, trapped is the worst word to use, but that's like a claustrophobic of like, I don't know what to do in this situation and I'm going to continue to hurt her. And I remember Stefan being like, do you even like her? Every time she's over, you're just quiet. The arguments and like the fights that we would get into would bring a side out of me that I haven't really seen. And I think it was indicative of me trying to force myself into a situation that I knew I was going to fuck up. I was living in Orange County at the time, so I would always come over to your house and then my dance life was in LA. So I was just kind of always there and I should have given you, I guess, more space because you did say one time do you have to always be here? And I remember feeling like a knife just went to my gut because I was going to see Sirius. And it's so interesting because you and I haven't, since we've broken up, actually discussed, sorry my cat keeps the camera. We haven't actually discussed any of our relationship. We haven't even like really met up. I haven't even ran into you in all of the years we've been broken up, which is crazy. We live in the same city. It's so weird. It's so weird. Before I ran into you. I know. That was so weird. I got that text and I was like, I loved it. We talked for like so long. And it's just funny because I feel like I already knew her just from like seeing folks and stuff. But so we're blind. Yeah, like I guess kind of what you said the four months before we actually made it official. I agree. And I remember you breaking up with me probably twice a week. You would break up with me. And then an hour later be like, so what's up? What are you doing? And I'm just like, and I would just always go back. So I remember this like constant breaking up. And then I'm, each breakup, each time just getting more and more numb. And you and I, we fought like so much. We were like, don't you remember us? Just we were always at war, I feel. Yeah. Like we forgot we were playing on the same team. Yeah. We were just constantly fighting. So I remember we're getting off work and I was supposed to spend the night at your house and I'm on my way to your house. We're on the phone and we got into like this big fight. And I hang up the phone and I had this like thought I'm like, what am I doing? But I remember for like a good three months, you still hitting me up to get back together. Really? Yeah. I remember when I went to Coachella and I, I remember like not really responding to you and you've been like, so it's just really over. You really don't really like, you don't like me anymore. Like you saying things like that. Oh, shoot. Damn. It's so funny. I must have blocked all of that out of memory because it's so funny because of my, the relationship I was in before you was such a bad breakup. Like, we didn't have a bad breakup at all. It was just a long. It was a, yeah, I could see that it could be, I could see that it must, it was long because we had a lot of the same friends. We were, you know, in the same circle at some point. So I could see why it would feel very long. But I, when I think back to when we broke up, it's, it's weird. I remember it being like very smooth. The moral of the story is I do feel really, I feel a lot of guilt and a lot of like, I don't know. I just, I think I looked back at that time and I made a lot of boy decisions and they, they really probably affected you as well as it did to me. And, and yeah, I just think that you are a great person and I think that, you know, whoever you do end up with is gonna be very happy and you're gonna, you're gonna do great because you're already doing great things. So, I hope that, I hope that you don't internalize anything that I have may have done as a personal thing and that there was anything wrong with you because that's not the truth. I, yeah, thank you for that and I have complete, I'm thankful for our relationship. You know, I learned so much about myself and relationships and like, I can't speak for you but for me, I never had a good example of what love should be. So, like, I was trying to figure that out with you and I learned so much. But speaking of happiness, congratulations. Honestly on your baby, you guys are gonna have the most beautiful baby. Oh, well, I'm so excited. I'm so excited for you. I just want to thank you for taking this time. I was terrified. I don't even know why people would want to do this but it actually is very helpful and I don't know, I feel like, I feel like that we got that closure that we never really were able to get. Yeah, thank you for having me. I mean, it's not every day your ex-boyfriend that you broke up with like five years ago hits you up to talk about the relationship and then put it on the internet but I am really, you know, I was really nervous about it and but I feel like I do have some clarity and peace of mind, not that I didn't and not that I held any anger like I've forgiven this church and I've also played a huge part in why our relationship didn't work out but yeah, I'm really happy that you reached out and thanks. Shout out to you Jasmine. Thank you for doing this. I know this was heck of weird because it was heck of weird for me and if you guys want to know more about her go follow her. Her link is going to be in the bio. She's amazing. She dances for Katy Perry. She dances for a bunch of people. You guys got to check her out. She's one of the most amazing dancers. Honestly, I had a lot of mixed emotions about putting this video out but it's about healing holistically past, present and future and I learned a lot about myself through this process and if you're out there trying to learn about yourself then maybe this might be a good idea for you so if you haven't done so you should go over there and take Shan's quiz at thegameofdesire.com and see this would be a good idea for you. I thought it was good. It's scary and it's hard but at the end of the day what good is going to come out of anything that's not scary and not hard and hopefully you weren't as bad as I was so you might actually end up on the other end so good luck.