 Picked through the open gash wound and found your belt at the bottom. Oh, gash wound. I want to go. Welcome to episode number 19. Don't fucking touch this. You leave this over here. I wish I bought two. I wish I bought two. Episode number 19 of the Marty and Michael. And look, look, it's it's fully. It is fully actual. It's fully actual. Do you know what I mean? And look what we fucking gone done did. We're gone and done ourselves a little soli silly. How didn't we do that? Didn't we do a little soli silly? But I can't get it. I won't be. Let's just leave it at that, shall we? Stay tuned for this one, everyone. I don't want to fall back when you think of me. I know. All right. That's it. Just a threat alone scares him. So Michael held up his hoof, then he's got fucking tattoo on it. So we gone done that last week. We did fucking. We got shoes on the feet. We've almost had them for one week tomorrow. It was fucking horrific, though. Honestly, what an incredibly painful day. Like we weren't prepared at all. Yeah, I didn't know it was going to be that hard. I didn't know you meant to like drink sugar and shit while you're there. And we didn't know that your body would like go into shock. But yeah, it was fucking horrific. Mine took six and a half hours. Michael's took 11. Yeah, but yeah, it was fucked. It was horrifically painful. Apparently the feet is one of the worst spots. And yeah, that was that was fucked. Oh, I vomited at the end when I went to my car. So hard to drive home. I don't know the nausea from having so much pain for so long. And our feet were so swollen for like like full two days. Just fucking blown feet. Wasn't that right, Matthew Brown? From Staten Island. You're from Staten Island. There you go. And you cut. Oh, he looks so cute. Come on, let's have a little look up. Show everyone your little fucking bald head. He's like a little Buddha now. You're clanking, clanking, clanking, clanking, clanking. Matt's ripped all his fur off and now he's all bald looking and fucking looking him bald. Bald. I can't tell if he looks younger or older. He just looks like a different person. He looks 30. He looks younger. He looks me. He looks like a different person now. I feel like I'm this. That's not even English. That's what you look like. That's the sound that your look puts out. All right, well, fucking guess what? Speaking of Matt Brown, I haven't had a read of these yet. These on these days. But look, he was nodding approvingly. When he handed to me and then he said, oh, sorry about the last one, said that as well. So I haven't read these, but I'm excited. Excited to see what you've done him. Last week's was so good. I hope they're better. All right, we got chips. Yeah, I do. I have chipies in my teeth. It's so annoying. I'm salt and vinegar flavor, though. Every time I swipe my tongue around the outskirts of my mouth. What's a flavor hit? I don't know about that. Yeah, there's chips in my teeth. On this day in 1955, the queen was going for a gentle stroll through a quiet park when she was taken by three large muscular men. Onlookers say they put her on the spit and drilled her powerfully. One had her hair and was pulling it back as far as it would go before ripping from the scalp while simultaneously thrusting forwards and yelling as loudly as he could directly into her ears. The queen did not end up pressing charges after it was discovered she had pre-organized this and the three men were actually just sex workers. Fuck, so she was a fucking little horn dog. The queen is a fucking little fucking slither. She loves three at three at once. That's a lot. Yeah, in a public park. Yeah, she must be very violent. Like, geez, you think how old would she been in the fifties? What, like 48? She was probably just started on coins. She was 48 in the fifties all the way through the fifties. And she's yeah, she's probably still roughly about 50. She was 24. Wow. Was she was she good looking back in the day? Yeah. Yeah, come on. She's a queen. Was she there? Yeah, but fuck it. Oh, princess Diana was pretty. Fucking look at Prince Charles. He's the sickest looking thing ever. Yeah, he's a prince. This is a queen. Judge is Judy. Exactly. Still no one, by the way. Judge Judy. Oh, yeah. No one has thrown human shit at her, but it's OK. How old do you reckon she is? She'd be 80. She looks good for 80. She's fucking 80 years old, I reckon. Yeah, she's been around around the Queen. She's been around since the 20s. Yeah, she was born in 1942. And she's 77. She knew Hitler. Yeah, like they were like they were probably. Oh, no, she would have had a barbecue on the same day. They wrote laws together. He had a barbecue. They had a fucking barbecue, her and Hitler. Oh, we're together or do this? Both at a barbecue on the same day. Well, yeah, it's just coincidence. They're not not together, but like it's pretty crazy that they're barbecue on the same day, like the same same thought pattern. Yeah, they're sorted together in that way. Well, to me, I can't split them. Yeah, they have hung out pretty much because they both had a barbecue on the same day mat. Yeah, day mat on this day. In 2007, Will Smith accidentally stood on a family while out jogging at night. The two children received some minor injuries, but the mother's breasts were crushed into the sidewalk and she needed emergency surgery. Will Smith paid for all their medical expenses and publicly vowed never to jog at night time again. Holy shit. Imagine stepping on a breast. That would hurt. Imagine stepping on a whole family. It'd be so annoying. Yeah, wow, you got to look where you're going. Yeah, but like family, like get out of the way, you know? Oh, it's hard to get. Are you one of the people at shopping centers? I am one of these people that just can't stand people that are slow walkers and they're in front of your way. You've got to just get around them. It's so bad when it's busy peak time. Yeah, I agree. I fucking hate that shit. Spartan kick to the back. Oh, people even in somewhat way should fucking just stay at home. Yeah, just if you that slow and it's so hard to do things, just stay in bed, please, because you're just in the way. Call someone to drop something off. Surely you've been alive for 80 years. Surely you know someone. God. Yeah, you've been alive for that long. You can just call your mate. Get them to drop it off. On this day in 2010, Sandra Bullock came out publicly to announce that she had invented buttons. She had to be physically restrained when historians proved that buttons had been invented in the 13th century. Sandra was arrested shortly after when she became violent, following someone showing her some buttons on a pair of pants. Wow. She thought she invented buttons. What a strange, dumb bitch. Sandra Bullock, what happened? She was in she used to watch the podcast Gravity. Yeah, she said text us every gravity, James. Yeah, she is gravity, man. Did you not fucking that's the whole fucking point of it? Come on, you missed the point of the fucking movie. Can't she use gravity? Can't she use it like your fucking last name? Like legally or some shit, man, seriously? Oh, God. On this day in 1989, George Michael invested money into some stocks. And I'm not really sure how it went, but I reckon he made a bit. Oh, I'm that. OK. I see why you will apologize now. You got lazy. Don't give me that you ran out of time. Shit. You got lazy. OK. And now everyone misses out on a quality. I can at least see, like, so how much he made. Yeah, like, exactly. Don't even bring that up. You just bring that up. Just don't next time. Leave the fourth one out. OK. Don't write a fucking shit fourth one. Just leave it out. A bit. A bit is the stupidest fucking. But you've been here since 3 a.m., Matt. You've had 15 hours to finish it. A bit. What the fuck was that, dude? We'll get someone else if you don't want to do it anymore. OK. Fuck. Last fucking chance. Fuck you, cunt. Sorry, guys. Fucking bit. It really grinds my gears. I'm pissed to him, man. Anyway, moving on to the next segment. We're just going to. It's been renamed by fucking Matthew fucking Lazy Dick Brown. And it's been renamed to a close leftly acknowledged in front of the other party for the. Oh, which, to be honest, a wet lick. Oh, that was moist. And this is a segment where we just answer the questions that you guys have sent in via Instagram. Oh, my name is Ben. My name is disco dance. Sick. He says sick. Well, sick. As you can butch. I wish I didn't finish one so quickly. Oh, before we move on, Topgolf, fuck you. We went to golf on the weekend, got there and just like we just were just normal people just wanting to play a bit of golf with our mates and then fucking straight away, security guard at our fucking table the entire time. So fucking awkward. And we weren't allowed to put stories up because of our reputation. Just put a story up of us at golf. You think they'd be fucking happy with exposure? When you're top golf, more like fucking mediocre piece of shit. Mediocre golf, but we will be back. We will be back and we did break a glass. It was fun. It was fun. Yeah, that's right. That's why it was pretty good. Is it? Did you enjoy it? We could just fucking play the same thing at a normal golf course. How was Marty's drive at the end? Yeah, it's spectacular. I would say it's fucking spectacular. All right, first question is from look at this. Some are going to text message today. Hi, I recently signed up to your website, but I wish to cancel my subscription. How the fuck do you have my phone? And just email support at Marty at what is it? Support at universityofmarcle.com. Yeah, and they'll get back to you. Cancel my fucking drivers. Easy, spiffy, which reminds me, this podcast is sponsored by the University of Michael. If you want to support us, if you want to see some crazy shit, you want to see some crazy shit? Sign up to the website. Yeah, free, Matt, have you? Let me have it. Haven't let me guess. Haven't had fucking time. Have you been playing your fucking games in fortnight? Yeah, he loves his fortnight lately. Been working. Huh? Oh, he's so brown. All right, this one's from Brie first. Brie first come forwards. Broth. Oh, Brock. Oh, I can't be fucked reading again. Is it because you can't read? Yeah, something like that. What would you guys be doing if you didn't have the career you've got going? And why do you think people are interested in your videos, podcasts? If I didn't have this career, I'd be trying to have this career still. That's what I'd be doing until I either get the career or just die trying to die trying. So yeah, last forever. Why do you think people are interested in your videos, podcasts, skits? I think it's because we're like fucking hilarious and awesome and like everything we touch turns to comedy gold and we're really fucking awesome legend guys and everyone wants to hang out with us heaps. I look in the mirror, heaps. I look down upon others. I thrust my gaze down my face like this. Down upon others. Yeah, I've done that a few times. So yeah, that's why I lean back real far with your chest poked out. Yeah, that's how we walk around now. So yeah, that's that's why that's why people like our stuff. I think I think confidence is this confidence. All right. Our next question is from would you rather tell all of your neighbors that you're a convicted sex offender or walk around with a vibrator up your ass for an entire week a week? That's not that bad. Oh, really? What do you have to shit and put it back up? Oh, sleeping would become uncomfortable. I thought that when I was alive, I would if if I'm renting like I am right now, yep, I'm 100 percent tell my neighbor. Oh, yeah, I guess it'd be pretty by the way, just letting you know I'm a registered sex offender and I've got to tell my neighbors. It's this silly little rule that the judges have to tell my neighbors. Yeah, I guess because we're not really fans of the neighbors around here. So yeah, especially fucking dog. Dog neighbor. Oh, Hercules. Oh, my God, man, he's gotten out of control. And they used to be bearable. Like it's fine. But now he's just on another level, just barks as loud as he can in the fence right through the door. But like I was getting evicted in five weeks anyway. So fucking we may as well. Yeah, and fucking dirty. I'm sure we've got the hots for children. Oh, fucking just the kids. Oh, we've got the hots for kids. We've got the hots for kids. Someone's going to make that into a remix. Yeah, we've got the hots for kids. They give me his track number two question for the party. This is from Seamus Dinnein. And it is Dinnein and his username is Seamus the shrimp. All one word for those wondering. Maybe give him a follow after this thing. Seamus the shrimp. See what he's all about. See what he's posting about and sort of engage with his content. See what happens. Anyways, question is, when will Matthew Gregory Brown be a special guest on the podcast? Come, come here, mate. You're coming to your knee, hey? Come on in. I've already been on the podcast on episode 30 at season one. We're going to show the new you. Yeah, we're going to have to get Maddie back on. Look at your head, man. The new person, yeah? Come on. Show the world. Oh, maybe. Oh, I want it. Get on my lap. Maybe next episode. Lachlan Trierke has said, Maddie, due to your raging lust for cows, have you ever considered working in an abattoir so that you can fulfill your desires on a more regular basis? No, I would never work in an abattoir. That is fucking. What is it? Messed up. Me, man versus beast in the wild, a fight to the death. It's very natural. It's primal. It's a very normal thing to happen. These cows would go to the abattoirs and they just get fucking chopped up alive. They just bred to be just killed straight away. And what I do is sick about what I do. There is a battle of struggle for survival. And I take that life and I use it and add it to mine. It's a natural, natural process that happens all the time. Look at lions killing gazelles. It's similar. So no, I would never work in an abattoir. Yeah, I would want to do that. Jesse Robin, son, will you ever do something like letting a fan spend a day with you guys? Yeah, I think so. Once the website gets a bit bigger, I think we're going to start on some pretty big giveaways to fans and then we're thinking of like going there and then filming the reactions and shit. So yeah, it's definitely will happen one day. Matthew Brown. Should we have a competition where we are the winner gets to come to the podcast for filming? That's a great idea. You can sit on the couch next to me. That's a fucking great idea. Yeah, you talk to our fans now. If you want to have a conversation, Matt Brown, Matthew Brown, Matt Brown loves Instagram conversations too. No, I was talking to, I was talking to one guy. Greg, our mate. He's a good guy, he's a good artist. Greg, the artist, yeah. Next question is from Nathan Lanham. Why were you guys the best, then almost the best, then back to best? He says. Because we had our break. Yeah, we were a bit off. We were a bit off when we got back. We were a bit off, it took us a while to find our grooves, didn't it? Didn't it? Yeah, we were a bit fucked. Yeah, we were a bit fucked up, our brains were all pickled and the boys took big craters. Big craters missing from MDMA dissolving and the bits of brain tissue back then. Caroline remember much of the first six months? Yeah, well, it has been six months into the year. Yeah, it was a rough few weeks coming back from. But now we're back, we're back, we're back. Oh, we got a fucking, let's fucking do the PO box, man. Holy shit, so this does go, oh, we got stunt time. Or does this go this and then stunt time? Yeah, this and then stunt time. And then we kiss for about seven minutes. We'll show you guys like a snippet, but if you want to see the rest of it, just subscribe to our website. Where'd you get that plant from? Because that plant is cool. He's found it. Your friend made it, found it outside a retired lady's house. What's the point of these? Damn, she's retired. So you don't have to report. Oh, wow. Of course. What's in there? Dirt? Spagnum, yeah, there's dirt in the middle and there's a mixture of spagnum, moss, and peat moss. You really do know your shit, man. Oh, Burke, oh my God. Oh, Burke, that's so good. He should start his own channel about plants. Yeah, he's fucking on this shit. There's the end of question. Time next segment has been renamed. And there's a segment where we just open up shit that you guys have seen us in the PO box. I shouldn't sniff them, should I? Yeah, that makes sense. Oh, good. We've got some nuggets for Bosley. Oh, wow. Thank you, guys. Oh, something we can fucking for our only fans. A candy G string. Oh, my God, a candy G string. That's for the fucking munchies later. You should put that on the website. Yeah, we'll definitely find a bid for that. Yeah, so if you want to see us in a candy G string, guys, subscribe to our website at the University of Michael. How to be a boar bag. Is there a how-to book here? Oh, look at this. Is this the ones we sell or does someone make this? Holy shit, they've gone and made a stubby cooler. Oh, wow, look at this. Do you consider yourself childish? Yes, and then he's made a funny little, he's drawn little dick and balls next to the no. It's a Markle thing you wouldn't understand. So he's made us two stubby coolers for those who I can't see. And he's, you know, put a little fucking logo on. It's so beautiful. What a beautiful, beautiful thing to send. Thank you very much. It's from Debbie. Oh, there's a letter, too. All right, guys. Hopefully you are well and this doesn't take too long to reach you. I wanted to send you a little something just to show how much I appreciate your content. I've never made it through a video slash post yet without laughing. So keep it up, especially on your website, which everyone should subscribe to. Clearly the dog treats are meant for Bosley, but feel free to share them with him. Take care of yourselves. Much love from Skoll and Debbie. Debbie, you're a fucking legend. Thank you. What is it? I don't know, to be honest, wild boar flavor. That's so far. I don't have wild boar flavored stuff here in Australia. That's for shizzle. Do you think you can do it for the end? All right. You scared me. Should we open this one? Hell, yeah. All right. You said you asked for it, everybody. You asked for it. We're opening this one. Here we go. I'm scared that there's like a bomb or something in here every time. Don't say that. OK. Well, anthrax? Yeah. Oh, apparently anthrax. You told us, didn't you? The way you die from anthrax is fucked. I've opened it and a red shirt is in there. So let's see what is in the shirt. Michael is unfolding the shirt right now. We hear some paper. What have we got? Oh, my God. It's just a fucking load of weed. We'll take that straight to the police. Oh, shit. Thank you. This is the best P.O. unboxing we've had for a while. We can't say it's that. We've got to say it's like fucking. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's oregano or something. Yeah, oregano. Yeah, yeah, conno. Yeah, you know what to do. Just fuck it. Leave it in. No, I don't. I don't know. You decide, conno. Conno, I know. I know. Hey, I know. You don't need to. I know. What do you reckon? It's hard to do because this is considered illegal. I know. Fucking legend, man. Thank you so much. That is going to go down a treat. We need it for a video on our website that we're going to be filming this Thursday, Stoned Tennis. Yeah, we're going to be we're going to get stoned. Stoned as fuck. And then we're going to start playing. And then as every game you lose, you have to get more stoned. And we're just going to see what happens. I've never played Tennis. Brain damage. Brain damage intensifying. All right. That is the P.O. unboxing. We'll put this in a safe spot. Any cops listening and watching this fucking get away. Go on. It's mine now. And touch it. All right, guys. Time for the next segment. Has been renamed to help me raise my brain up. And this is all this is where we do stunts. Matt Brown's threatening us with a toy gun. Oh, whoa. This is not a crime. This is not a brand deal with a Vegemite. This is just part of stunt time. So this segment, Michael and I both equally do the same. It's equally shit for both of us. So this segment we do a crazy stunt, both of us. Both of us who are really insane, something crazy. Both of us do it. All right, so for stunt time this week, let me tell you, Michael's got a joy for you planned. We're going to eat Vegemite. I can just do it if you want. All right, well, all right. Is it bad? I've never done this before. Can you explain Vegemite for any listeners outside of Australia? So fuckers who don't fucking know what this shit is. It's like the saltiest dog shit you've ever fingered. It's so salty, and its texture is like thick and like the waxy shit, and it's just fucked. I'm scared. But it's delicious, very lightly spread on bread with some butter and some other shit. But on its own, this is sickening, sickening. Yeah, fuck. You don't want to do it, eh? Oh, look, I don't think there's much point. You know what I mean? Right, so I've got a good amount. I've done it before, though, in videos and shit. Yeah, what's it like? Yeah, it's intense for a while, and then you sort of start relaxing, and then you get really, really hard, tough erection. Oh, yeah, I'll do it. You look like you fingered your ass, and then you're dipping it into your mouth. Oh, you've scooped your fingers as you're fingering your ass, and you scooped it up and popped it in your mouth. Oh, you fingered yourself. You're yucky fingered your ass. Oh, I can't. You're yucky. You're shitting your fingers, nothing in your mouth. You're chewing your shit over your finger, your ass. Do you need just power vomited then? While he's struggling, fuck through. It is so bad. Look at his fucking face. His finger is awesome. Fuck me, if you've just chained in, he's scooped shit out of his ass and fingered it into his. If you've just chained in, that's what you'd see. Bit of shit in my finger. I hope to God that just one person ends up tuning in at that point. Oh, yeah, like a mum walking past their son's room. Or someone just clicks in the middle of the video or something. He's freaking pimpin' his ass and he can chew it. Timmy, what are you watching? Mum, they're really funny. Oh, seriously. Do you know Vegemite's band in the US? I think it is still. Why? They got a marmite, though. I don't know. I remember. Too much salt. Too much salt. It's so salty. Sorry. Sorry about that, mate. Hey, put it there. My shit finger. Vegemite on you. Shit out of his ass. Vegemite on you. Bentham. All right, well, let's try and find a prank call, eh? And hey, boys, my mate recently moved school and is smoking hella weed and getting into doing caps more and more. He needs a fucking at school into caps, fucking hell. He needs help ASAP, give him a run for his money and just give him shit. Say you're from the Queensland police. I'm a member of the police spot and I'm taking part in some activities and he needs to have an interview immediately. Love you boys. Well, this is helping him get off drugs. Yeah. Maybe. I'm a child safety officer. What's your name? Brandon Y. Oh, yes. That's great. Why? Hello. Am I speaking with Finn? Yeah. Yeah, get a man. I'm just Chris Trevor here. I'm just from Child Safety. And I've recently come across a file from one of my clients and they've, I can't say who, but they've sort of given up some information that there's sort of been some illegal substances being used within a circle of friends. And because the mentioned people are minors, it's sort of illegally obligated to make contact and just to talk to the people that were named and just see if there's anything we can offer to help them or just give them someone to talk to basically. So do you have a minute to chat please, Finn? You're joking, right? No. So legally we are obligated to make contact seeing that you guys are all minors. And what are you talking about? So you think that I'm using drugs? No, no. We're just simply exploring the claims that have been made, Finn. So just basically just want to see how you're going. So are you saying that you're denying the claims you have never taken MDMA or marijuana? Yes. Okay, great. Just so you know that, you know, at your age, you know, and I know I'm just going to sound like an old man here, but at your age taking MDMA really stunts the development of your brain really, really severely. When you're in your mid-20s and you're, you know, going on a boy's trip to the, to the bloody Europe or something, sure, get on it. Bloody have double drop and shit like that. If you're in high school, you should not be taking such hard, illicit drugs. Smoking weed, get lookable. I don't dabble with anyone who does anything to do with MDMA. Okay, great. Well, that's, that's great, great. I know, like, like I go to school, like I know the effects. Okay, great. I know what it can do to people. So I'm not, I'm definitely not that sort of person to do that. Well, that's definitely a relief to hear Finn. And you know, I, I'm just going through the motions here. I just need to give you a few more facts about MDMA. Yeah, obviously it stunts the, the brain growth and it also can make you impotent very, very quickly. So all the new studies are saying that MDMA, you will never be able to get a hard, hard cock. I'm sure you could take Viagra or something, you know, to sort of balance out the effects, but your cock will be fucked. Your cock, do you want, your cock will be fucked permanently. Do you understand me, Finn? Do you want to fuck the cock? Cause I don't want you to have a fucked cock, Finn. Why do you sound like you're in a laundry mat, bro? I want your cock to be unfucked. So please don't touch the gas. Don't do that to me, man. Don't touch the gas. I don't want my cock to be sucked. Oh, no. No, hey, go on, Finn. This is, you're on the Marty and Michael fully actual podcast. One of your friends sent your number in and a bit of a funny little story. Throw away. I'm actually with the kid who did it right now. Oh, there you fucking go. Holy shit. Oh, it's meant to be. It's special. Special. Special mat. Yeah, yeah. No, we're not saying you are, but just so you do know, boys, hold off into your little bit cock. I always want a hard cock, you know. Yeah, yeah, that too. All right, boys. Well, you have a lovely Sunday evening and we'll fucking be around later on to drop off the gear. All right. See you later, boys. Hey. Finn is no longer a drug addict. Yeah, we saved the game. We saved his life. You gave him some good advice. We saved his life. There's no butts or ifs about it. Well, good. Best, best, best, best. Best, best, best, best, best, best. Best, best, best.