 So I'm like everybody All right, usually I'm not sitting I've I did stand-up comedy for six sixteen years and usually I'm standing This is a sit-down, but it's not comedy. This is a hamdallah something more important than comedy as I said I did comedy for 16 years and Hamdol I did these shows all around the world about 400 of them Audiences is the largest 40,000 people, but I never really felt fulfillment So I'll give you guys little backgrounds and why I'm here and why I am part of the whole Marriage scene of helping single Muslims find other half and that's what actually found fulfillment So myself I've about the age of 20 years old. I became Muslim I was born into a Persian family that was extremely secular and they don't practice any type of religion whatsoever My grandfather was the one who brought the refrigerator and the automobile to Iran So he became what you would say almost like today's like billionaire status In fact, there's multiple people within my family still right now Multiple that are in the billionaire status But what happened is when we came my family used to go on vacation all around the world by the time I was four years old. I've been to Europe to here I've been actually came to the United States and we came here to Southern, California Well, that's another California when I came to California My family came to on vacation and the revolution happened and we end up staying here as we stayed up here Me have absolutely no idea what Islam is and my parents hiding it for me I grew up in a very tough situation going through a lot of challenges because there's no Islam to guide me and and The reason why my parents hid it from me is because in Iran the extremely wealthy are as secular as possible and The people who are not wealthy are as religious as possible and there's that division between the two So not only did they not teach Islam to me, but it was kind of hidden for me So to their shock. I actually discovered Islam in Los Angeles and I became Muslim overnight and Many of my friends also became Muslim overnight and that shocked my parents so much so that My father start hitting his head against the wall and my mother started screaming How did you find this religion and how do you find it in America of all places and At that time there's only like one must in our entire community Today you have about six or seven within like the same community But it was even at that time in the 90s. It wasn't very popular. I mean Average American didn't know what Islam was so for me to discover it was very shocking to them and as I discovered this religion and I Eventually, Hamdullah start learning more and more Hamdullah, I quickly learned as soon as I discovered the religion and I accepted it that what Islam Teaches at what Muslims do are two different things and I say Hamdullah. I love show me a song before he showed me the Muslims so So when I eventually got to the age of like not age we're getting to time of looking to get married Like many of us have gone through or maybe going through right now. I Wasn't looking to get married. I was just learning about Islam like brand new to Islam so I'm gonna tell you guys my quick story of How my struggles started for marriage and say fix some resembles some things that you may have gone through So I couldn't go through my family if I want to get married My parents are not religious whatsoever I couldn't go through my friends because they're all single like me and I couldn't go through my community because they had no programs like they have here in MCC MCC By the way, let me just take a quick note here This is a free plug for MSCC and they're not telling me to tell you guys this but I've been through all these musthers from all around the United States actually around different parts of the world and I've rarely seen a musthers like MCC that cares so much about the Muslims and cares so much about especially the single Muslims and trying to help them and My hat's cause hat my hat goes off to them. Hamdallah Because they're amazing. They're very unique. So you are blessed to be part of this community now most communities do not have anything like this with that said when I was looking to eventually I came to a point in my life that I Start learning more and more about Islam, but I'm about a year year and a half into Islam at this point I go to an Islamic conference. Have you anyone heard of Isna before? Do you guys know what Isna stands for? I'm single and available Yeah, I didn't know that until I went to the conference. I thought it was something to do with teaching I went there to learn To be at the Bazaar and also their stuff and what I quickly realized when I went there is a lot People are looking to get married and I wasn't looking to get married. I was just like going there to like meet friends and other things and what happened is I was selling this one product at my booth and This one sister would keep coming back to the booth asking to buy the product But she couldn't buy it because she had Canadian dollars and she said I need to find a place to exchange The money so I can buy your product and the product was only like five dollars. It was nothing But she said can you hold one for me? So I held one for her and she came back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and Eventually on the last day of the conference. She said Ali. Sorry. I could not find anywhere The exchange is Canadian dollars to US dollars. You're at the conference. Just sell it to somebody else as a sister Just take it. It's like are you sure? So yeah take it. It's only five dollars. Just go she took it She left as she took the product and walked away the brother who was standing next to me did this Hey What was that? He said I was watching you and how you talk to every single person at this conference I didn't talk to anyone the way you talk to her. You didn't look at anyone the way you looked at her There's something something that is about her that caught your interest And I said look just because I gave her a free product. No, no, no, I'm watching and he said Ali I Came to the conference with the intention of finding a wife My friend came to the conference with the intention of finding a wife. I know you didn't come but what if What if that is your future wife? If you don't go and speak to that sister for marriage, you'll always ask yourself what if And I kind of froze because I wasn't thinking about marriage I was thinking about her for marriage and now I'm thinking myself. What if So I'm like, I don't know what to do this year is like 1990 something in the late 90s And I'm like, oh, what do I do? What do I say? so what I did is I asked him for a piece of paper and I got the piece of paper and I Quickly wrote was writing something down. He said, what are you writing? Go she's leaving. I said, well, let me think let me think I don't know what I'm doing I wrote a piece I wrote it on a piece of paper and I'm and I'm so okay I know what I want to do now So I'm walking around the conference and I'm trying to look for the sister who's wearing a white hijab And I quickly realized there's a lot of sisters wearing white hijab. So I'm like, oh, that's not her I sound like oh, that's not her and eventually I gave up and I start walking back towards a direction and as I'm walking back she's walking away And we we see each other and I'm like a sound like home and she's like while I come so long and she walks Right past me. Okay. This is getting really awkward. So like How do I do this as I turn right right right right right around in front of us a song like a sister. This is a song like him Hello, not a song like him. Goodbye. Um, I wrote a My contact information on this piece of paper I was wondering if you were single and if you're looking to get married If you're open to speaking to me, just contact me if you're not open to it Just throw the paper away But don't throw the paper way until I walk away because because it'll hurt my feelings Okay, I saw my goodbye. I just walked away. I just gave her the paper and I walked away I walked left and right to left and right all the way till I walked back to the booth when I got back to the booth brother was Telling he went and told all the brothers what I was doing Now everybody's wondering I didn't think you were looking to get married. Who is this sister? What's going on? What was on that piece of paper? And as I start explained this entire story to them They all start smiling and I'm like, and they're like like you are smiling and then suddenly I remember the guy specifically His name was Amber from Milwaukee. He would did this I'm like, why is he doing for and I keep talking. I'm a male brains. I'm not really thinking smart So I keep talking and talking and talking and until every single brother stopped smiling and they just stared at me like this And then I realized something's wrong and I said So now I'm thinking to myself this sister probably thinks I did this as a joke and This whole thing was a joke and I came back to tell the guys all ha ha ha ha She doesn't know what my intention was and blah blah blah. So I'm like, what should I tell her? But then at this on the back of my head I was thinking also She I don't know how much she's heard and how much she hasn't heard so I turned around and I said a sound like And she was like walaikum salam and every single brother like seven of them are behind the booth staring at us I'm staring at her. She's staring at me and for like this four seconds of awkward silence And she's like, okay. I just came back to let you know here. That's here's my dad's contact So you can just contact him. I said, okay. Is that it? She's like, yeah, what else would there be? I'm like nothing So I took that contact information contacted the father Went down and met the father as a whole story behind it and using this part was crazy That's ten times more crazier but long story short. I married that sister and What happened was two years later. I was in a divorce situation So there was nothing wrong with the sister. I will never speak negative about her It was that I found someone and we just saw each other on the surface But we didn't have any type of deep compatibility And we didn't discover that until after we're married and after we're married We didn't like a typical fights where husband and wife are like divorcing because it's all those emotions and people are yelling each other And it's just like really really messy. It wasn't like that We were just mutual realize that we are not connected. I mean The stuff she would say and the stuff I was thinking of like one day She like say we should sell all our belongings and just be like nomads going from Europe to here to there I'm like that sounds good, but not realistic But and then her world was completely different than mine and I realized that we're going two different directions So did she and we say if we have children It's and get really really complicated So we decided mutually to separate even though the all that Emotions weren't there. It's still hurt me more than anything that hurt me in my life And after I experienced that I said I never want to go through this again I'm gonna do everything I can so I never feel this pain again. So I can only imagine people who had really bad Experiences through marriage what they feel like they're probably ten times worse than that So you have this fear of ever getting married again. You have this fear of ever wanted to Let's make yourself vulnerable so you become into a painful situation So at that point Instead of blaming her or the situation or all the stuff that happened I told myself what could I have done to make that marriage better? What can I do to be a better husband if I get married again? So I started doing is I start studying these books about how men communicate how women communicate How the difference is between different types of personalities the different types of way people do things How people handle stress differently all these different layers. I never thought about I didn't really existed as I study and study and I realized that I think I'm ready to get married and this time around I will fall into the same trap of looking just for Surface I will see something deeper than that. I will find compatibility so I Decide to do the unthinkable in 2001. I went on the internet to look for a wife and the same 2001 2023 is two different worlds guys in 2001 interest brand new I mean most people are using it for most things you just barely have hotmail and email and yahooing everything There is no one's barely using it for anything like serious. It's not like it is today So when you go and say I'm gonna go find my wife or husband on the internet was like really really weird But I can go through my parents and I can go through the local message I had to go online as I go online and I'm looking for my Other half. I was like which website works probably questions. You guys probably asked yourself. Which one is works? I didn't know which one works. So I joined all of them But I don't want to talk to a bunch of sisters. I said I want to talk to a one sister just one So what I did is I made a very very detailed profile exactly what you're gonna get if you married me These are the pluses and here's the negatives These are the things I'm expecting in a wife and these are things you should expect in the husband blah blah blah And I was hoping just one person response Unfortunately, well, I don't say unfortunately, but I had a problem where 17 people responded Now the problem was because I joined all these websites if I joined one website I probably wouldn't have 17 people responding but 17 people responded and right there I realized the websites were broken That something's wrong here that there's no way the 17 people interested in me So either they're telling me what I want to hear or maybe One of them or two or actually being sincere and they're telling me the truth So I need to filter all these people out because I don't have the time or patience or the mental capacity to talk to 17 people I want to talk to one sister. So what I did is I came up with a series of questions I didn't have right or wrong answers and I sent it to all 17 sisters Only one of them answered it correctly The problem was I was hoping she lives in california But she lives in london It's like that's a really far away But alas upon thought create us in paris But I don't know where my other where he created the other pair where he made the other half of me I assumed that many of us assume we hope they're in northern california We hope they're pakistani or indian or arab or african-american or whatever you assume And make these false assumptions sometimes where they live right now What their ethnicity is and what their age is and all these other things But you don't know that all we know is that a lot made us in paris Where is my pair? Alon knows best and I thought to myself. Let me go meet the sister And I did and I married her 22 years ago I'm as soon as I met her. Well, let me tell you what happened I had conversations back and forth with the sister and asking her questions That didn't have right or wrong answers and I did this for months for about three months As soon as all the questions have been asked I said this if I can see her and she sees me because it has to be mutual if there's chemistry I'll know in a few seconds because all the rest of boxes have been checked So when I met went to meet her. I said I have to meet. I want to do everything the halal way We're gonna meet in a public place And she sat on a park bench. I step I stood up And it was really awkward and we were in a public park And there was this halal gap. So like social distancing before covet, right? So I beg to sit for the distancing and as soon as I meet her I knew she was the one and I can tell from the smile and her shyness She thinks I'm the one But we don't know what to do after this point because like there's no manual of what you're supposed to do next So at that point I got nervous and I had a little handheld camera with me that I brought only to Sightseeing because I said look if I want to go to London to meet the sister It may work out may not work out at the very least let me record a bunch of this footage to send to my friends Well, I uh while I was sightseeing I had this camera in my bag And I totally forgot And I put my hand in the bag and the camera was there and I took it out And I don't know what to do because I'm just using this as my safety blanket and she's like and this was completely unplanned She's like, what's that for? I said, um What if one day we get married and our kids ask us how did you guys meet? This is the exact word I told her by the way and she gets all super nervous And I started recording that footage from the moment that I met her Literally 20 minutes after I met her today. We got married She was nine days later And I presented to her in a movie On dvd with all the things to her like a movie poster like like the legit Real movies a two-hour film I gave it to her after we got married five years after marriage and her response was okay. I'll watch it later I told my wife she's the most hardest person in the world to impress I've done so many things to my wife and she's like, okay Okay, I'm very humble as she brings me down to earth a lot. So That 22 years of marriage have been a lot as my witness. I still feel like a newly wed till today And I wanted to help others find the other half and that's why I put myself into the marriage space of saying, how can I give the people the tools they can to get married? Let me tell you guys some of the challenges we have as as a person who was a divorcee not married But still experience divorce As most of you guys have heard some of the statistics, but some of them you may not know That the divorce rate here in the united states is about 50 percent Like non muslim muslims are not that far off by the way But what you don't know is that in california. We're in the top 10 states of divorce In fact in california. We're at 60 percent divorce rate. We're higher than other states The second thing that you may or may not know is that a lot of these divorce is about 43 percent of them Are dealing with children involved and these are children under the age of 18 This makes it quite challenging oftentimes. So it's not just okay in my situation It's a lot easier because I can separate but when there's children involved You can't they don't divorce their father and they don't divorce their mother the parents are no longer Connected but they are always going to be connected and that always makes things a bit more complicated as well The other challenges we have is that overall the united states 70 percent contrary to what most people believe Because your experience may make you have one belief to it But i'm talking about in general what are most people experiencing 70 percent of all the divorces that are happening in united states are considered no fault divorce This is where they have said there was no abuse from the male or female. There was no drugs There was no abandonment. There was no alcohol It's just there's no fault and the number one answer that's come across is that we've grown apart And you guys are nodding because you guys heard this quite a bit and you guys experienced this because People have sort of expectations of what marriage life would be like And let me tell you where some of these expectations have been now put on steroids in our generation now That they didn't have in just one generation ago when I was looking to get married this This phone when people wake up, this is the first thing that most of us check This is what we do when we get bored. This is what we do when we stand in line This is what we do all the time If you're in class if you're at work Wherever the situation is you're swiping swiping swiping swiping as you're swiping You are seeing things And sometimes our heart our brains Are not thinking while we're seeing things because when you used to kids used to watch television Our parents used to say oh, that's not real life And you can separate the two or those are actors and sometimes when you're a kid you can't separate it Things that are so scary for you because it feels like it's so real But as you grow older you realize that this is all acting and this is our movies and behind the scenes You go to universal studios and all blah blah blah But when you're watching things on social media These people look like me I don't see camera sets. I don't see scripts And they seem to feel very natural. You're watching couples and they're like your friends And people you know in the community and look what they're doing today And look what they're going today and look with all the amazing experiences they're having today And then you look at your spouse and like what's wrong with us What are why aren't we doing these type of stuff? So now people constantly comparing themselves to other people wondering why is their experience so different than mine And what you don't realize that the same couples that are putting this show on for you Are probably having more problems than you are But they only show the best parts online They only show you the parts that they're not fighting In fact, most of your friends who ended up getting divorced How many times would you all did you see it coming? And how often did you say wow who got divorced? Why do we get shocked sometimes? The reason why we get shocked is because when we see people from the outside We don't know what's happening behind closed doors We don't know this guy who's like so charming everyone in the community loves him How he treats his wife you have no idea. She knows Maybe her even her kids know But you don't know this person you don't know her you don't know him They know each other So when they get divorced it didn't just say okay overnight they're gonna get divorced It's happened and just built up and built up and built up And now we see it all happen and we get shocked and the reason we get shocked is because we don't see the negative side And we don't see this negative side on social media And so we don't compare the negative stuff that we experience We'll need experience. Oh They're having so such amazing positive experiences. I'm not having those so maybe something's wrong with me Maybe something's wrong with my marriage To let you guys know and just a reminder for us. Alhamdulillah One beautiful thing we have about islam is the prophet sallallahu alayhi sallam and we have his example And if he's the greatest man to ever walk on this planet And he has the highest level of jannah guaranteed for him And he has experience of challenges with his own wife and wives at one point. He said we'll leave everyone for like 30 days And the greatest man to ever walk on this planet That tells us that this different relationships. Allah sallallahu alayhi sallam has put for us the differences between males and differences between females And you put them together and that that's friction or sometimes conflict that can happen that is natural That if you guys are arguing with your husband or your wife It is normal It's like almost expecting to get To move to an area and having no bad weather ever even the most tropical most beautiful vacation spots They have tornadoes sometimes come hurricane sometimes come and at the time of the hurricane it feels like this is the worst Experience ever this weather is not going to stop It's going to happen. It's going to go on and go on and go on but the wiser people They know that this is just temporary The number how bad this feels right now The weather cannot just keep raining forever Unless you live in london or seattle, but in general it doesn't like rain forever. It's eventually going to take a break So if we make a decision about let's move when it's like going through a thunderstorm Maybe we just okay hold on a little bit wait till the thunderstorm clears out Then make a decision when we are like cooler heads prevail inshallah So all of these different things i've learned Is helping me to make better decisions now and that's why I come into like this type of event to share some of these things with you I write somewhere that Intelligence is when you learn from your own mistakes The wisdom is when you learn from the mistakes of others Let that sink in for a second What many of us will go through an experience of divorce and the first thing you learn is now I know what I can't be married to right Before that What was it? It was so much easier to get married. Wasn't it? Before that our idea was all these are all the things I want in a husband or these are all the things I want in a wife As long as this person has this I will get married inshallah Now It's harder for us not necessarily just because society makes it harder for us but because We sometimes make it harder for us We have trauma or negative experiences from our ex and now We are judging the future person Maybe you may have some concerns things even though they haven't done anything to us yet We may have these negative emotions towards the opposite gender because we have experienced negative things from the opposite gender Even though the person we're speaking to has done none of these negative things to us Maybe our ex was stingy or mistreated us or did certain things or whatever And now we have these negative experiences and we have this healing that we haven't done and we're going to carry it over to them Which is unfair It'll be unjust if someone did that to you And I think one of the turtles that we have to pass through is like giving up some of these things These negative feelings we have And it's hard. I'm making it sound easy, but it's not easy. It's extremely hard That time when I went through the divorce It was one of the most toughest times in my life And I've experienced a lot of negative things in my life But that is something that it's hard to explain to people who haven't been through it You know, it's like my friend He buried his child recently No matter how much I can say I can understand your pain or I can feel your pain. I can't Until you bury your own child. You'll never feel that pain Similarly when my friends have children I tell them I said you'll never know How much your parents actually loved you until you have your own child No matter how many times our parents told I love you. I love you. I love you even though we love our parents We can never love them the way they love us So no matter how much I tell my friends who don't have children Like the way you start loving this being who just entered this world More than sometimes you're even your own parents. Why? It's because I'll also point out built this love inside of you So it's hard to express The pain sometimes if we go through through our challenges of divorce unless we're talking to people who went through the same thing as us And that's why I think we need people who have been through this to be part of the solution See so I started this matrimonial website half our dean as the sister mentioned an introduction back in 2010 With my partner surfers and when we started this we had different ways to go about this And we learned from certain things mistakes And one of the things sometimes I make decisions which make absolutely no financial sense whatsoever They actually have hit me financially negatively But I think it's the right thing to do And if I didn't go through these negative marriage experiences or divorce I probably would have not made those decisions because I would not know any better I'll give you one of the decisions I made Was to remove the divorce status from your profiles You cannot tell who's divorced and who's not Just like in this room. I have no idea who's divorced and who's not nobody has a label that says oh, I'm single I'm divorced. I'm without we don't have those labels within us Unfortunately, we have become accustomed to defining ourselves this way Just because you went through a divorce doesn't mean you're a bad person But in this society today, they say, oh, you're a divorcee. That's your status Add that to your profile and what they do the only reason by the way They ask you on the websites if you're divorced or not only one reason is to filter you out Not them But the people so give the ability to the other users to filter out. I only want people who are single only So therefore you're paying for a website where no one can ever see you. You're literally invisible But we don't really don't think about it from that perspective because we're not we're thinking from the user perspective The the person who's using the website But if you think it from the administration perspective, this is the reason they ask So I said I don't want people to filter Divorcees out because it's not fair As I said, it's something you've experienced doesn't make you a bad person. Let's say for example I'm a I'm on the street down here and I'm standing at a red light Out of nowhere me standing at a red light a car hits me Of on paper. I have been in an accident Does that make me a bad driver? It can make them a bad driver. Oh, they just hit me from nowhere But we are both in an accident even though it doesn't show who's at fault So if you're in a divorce, if you're in a divorce status, nobody knows what your fault was You don't know what the story was a person whose every divorce is different There's times a divorce happens. You have absolutely everything you can to make the marriage work But you get the exact same status as your ex How is that fair? Unfortunately, it's not and this is sometimes I don't think some the people who are the people who are Running the show are paying attention to these things. So I said, I'm going to try to be a diverse difference maker Let me try to do things differently. I don't want to label people by divorce Let's just everyone's the same now. Does that mean that you know tell people that you went to divorce you do But I want them to get to know you first Let them know you first and then if the divorce status is so important then Figure that part out next, you know, I mean so When we do like our like like a typical matchmaking event and by the way, we've done many in this room here When we do a typical matchmaking event Typical organizations not us they say this is the range that we are accepting applications You have to be either between the ages of 22 to 40 So you go and apply for this thing and then uh, you're like, wait a second 20 to 40 I'm 41. I can't get in. Well, sorry, but what can I do nothing? We have nothing for you What do you mean nothing for me? This so you tell me there's no one in this world that wants to marry a 41 year old What the other 41 year olds? What is happening to them? Nobody If you go to islam mass ikna all these people look at this There's a hard cap Have a question who decided this hard cap Who decided that now that i'm 41 that you're not worth getting married to Like can I just meet the other 40 year olds that want to get married and just let us know We're gonna have a space for that You guys, sorry So I like this really bothers me really really bothered me the second thing is okay We have a divorced only event for only divorces. So we only have this only what why? So a person who's this before who's never been divorced before will never marry someone who's divorced That's not true. My wife was never divorced. She married a divorcee So and we've been happily married married for 22 years It doesn't define me Again, if I was if I have negative characteristics, judge me by those things not because of something I experienced So then you go to these single events by the way And then what happens in all this type of stuff is I always wonder to myself Are they really in the business of helping people get married? Or the business of being in business? And that's where I find that even us divorce situation Is a business I'll give you guys some examples from a non-muslim world how divorce makes a lot of money a lot of money Aside from the stuff that you already probably know, which is probably attorneys and other things of nature Let's say sister from this side and brother from this side. They get married Well, what happened? Well, one of them will not need to live wherever they're living right now So that rental space will be up for grabs That apartment building or home will now be available to be sold And now they have a vacancy that wasn't there before But now let's multiply this by hundreds hundreds of sisters are marrying hundreds of brothers They all get married and telling now we have hundreds of homes and apartments available for rent What does that do to the price when the demand is not as high as the supply the price drops Now reverse it Everyone in this room imagine we're all married to each other And everyone in this room is only gets divorced Now all the half of you will now need to find a place to live If all the people who are trying to lift the place to live that is going to make the price of rent jump up like skyrocket That's number one And when the price skyrockets guess what goes up also property tax So more property tax the houses are worth more more money out of your pocket Your income tax. Oh, you're single now fantastic. We are going to tax you like crazy single status versus married status It's a big jump Next I I can keep going on and on and on but it just keeps adding up and I'm telling you that this entire Business of keeping society keeping us divorced And they're not helping us get married. I don't think it's just a coincidence There is no incentive and I'm not saying they're evil society I think this is just a financial Business side of it. There was a statistics that came out from uh from cnn Saying by the year 2030 45 percent of women will never have children and will never get married 45 percent You know who did that study? Merrill Lynch It is not a old social study and we're trying to figure out how we can stop. No Merrill Lynch is a financial Company who is looking for something called the she economy They're saying what can we sell women when they're all going to be divorced? And they'll never be married in their life. What can we sell them? What can we make more money on and what should we invest in? antidepressants alcohol makeup Botox all those things close All the stuff that typical single people and talk about non-muslims. Hopefully inshallah that do that Married people don't do married people are more like to save money married people are like to do to be more stable less risky behavior Less of this less than that. So let's find out if we can get these people divorced. Let's see how much money we can make off of them And we as Muslims We have to stop listening to all this nonsense And a lot of this nonsense is coming through us through our phones Remember I told you guys earlier that how the social media is so different in the movies because a movie can press it off Switch you're not watching movies 24 hours seven days a week But social media we're on it all the time And when social media feeds you something and tells you for example Um, oh, you don't like women or you're you're a feminist or you're a red pill I'm not going to say you're right or wrong. I'm just going to feed you whatever you've been watching I'm going to double down on it triple down quadruple down So all you get on your phone is this feed that's just Over emphasizing the nonsense you already believe in If you hate men, we'll make sure we show you every single video of every man who's done everything wrong to his wife If you hate women, or we have this pill called red pill for you Every single man will show you how evil women are. They're all here for take your money. They're all this they're all evil And what happens is because you're constantly fed this information You forget for a moment that this is just your feed Personalized the person who's sitting next to you is not getting this feed They're getting two different fees. If you don't believe me make a separate account As you're watching different types of videos and watch how your feed every single day changes with this feed here I have two accounts one for baba Ali and one for hafar din They're completely different They're feeding me what they want me to feed me and this goes back to fox news and msnbc There was one time before any of that stuff by the way when the news was just there to inform you Now they're like comfort food. Just feed you the nonsense. So you think wasn't a terrorist Here's every single video of negative people shouting Allah al-akbar and all this crazy stuff It's like 99 percent Muslims don't even act like this But that's if you're a fox news watcher, you may only see that aspect of it if you're growing up 10 years ago But if you're watching some other channel, you don't think that way So now based on what channel you're watching I have to figure out what type of opinion you have about me And what type of social media you have on your feed will also tell you what you think about me Uh, but yeah So That was me I want to give you guys some information and hopefully if you found anything beneficial of Anything I said, um, maybe keep me in your duos now. I'm a much more of a solution-oriented person So I'm gonna give you guys some I don't know how much time I have but I'm gonna give you guys some solutions of what you can do That's actually in your hands. I'll just mention it just really quick inshallah So I put some notes for myself and I said, what are some things because I thought to myself like look, we're gonna tell you. Oh, you're this age Nobody wants to marry you or your divorce test. Nobody wants to marry you. Are you this this ethnicity? Nobody wants to marry you blah blah blah. By the way, all those negative things. I was hearing when I was looking to get married All that stuff and I'm a convert to and I'm persian. They know persians coming to the musty guys Sorry to say nobody I don't know every other ethnicity there is but for whatever reason I don't know what happened to persians They are not associated with religion whatsoever. You seem at the college campus. You see my work They say weird stuff like say hi to god for me, but they don't You don't see the message So for me to go to the message and look for like a persian lady in no way I don't care about ethnicity. I don't see color. I just want to find a good sister for marriage. That's it My wife is from Kenya. By the way, she's not from my ethnic background. She doesn't speak the same mother language as me We're completely different. We don't have the same interests, but alhamdulillah things work out So I thought to myself what can I give advice to people that they have actually control over That will make them attractive and as I'm telling you these things I want you to imagine a brother or a sister that you're speaking to for marriage and they have these attributes and tell me They don't suddenly become a little bit more attractive in your eyes. All right Here's the things I came up with that I said that makes people attractive 10 traits. I'll make you more attractive number one Someone who is content With whatever Allah has given you you're content. You're grateful Imagine a husband or wife with whatever situation you they are in And show that things will get better, but whatever situation they are. They're content Having a husband or wife in that situation is 10 times easier than someone who's always always disgruntled number two Someone who holds themselves accountable for where they are now and they don't blame others They take accountability. So instead of just saying my ex my ex my ex Look, I'm not going to talk negative about my ex I'm going to look rather look internally and see what could I have done to be a better person? What could I do to be better if you have that mindset? And listen you talk to sisters you're talking to a brother and he says listen, I'm not going to talk negative about my ex Uh, may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guide her or give her the best husband in the world But I realize that some of the things I would have could have done better Would have been this this and this and that's what things I've improved on And when he says something like that it's so much more attractive than if you're hearing him Yeah, let me tell you how bad she was. I'm blah blah blah blah blah and like, okay Is he gonna be talking about me like this, you know, so number three Someone who is quick to forgive and late to anger Being able to hold your tongue in times where there's especially when there's a lot of emotions and conflict going on That has a lot of value if you have a husband or wife a spouse that's able to do that Is priceless and that will lead a lot of Remove a lot of unnecessary arguments and disputes Next and this is from the hadith of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam someone who's most beneficial to others There's a hadith. There's many hadiths that are very similar. One is the best of you who's best to his wives But one is specifically and this is my favorite hadith It's a very long hadith But it's my favorite of all the hadiths of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam It's one that's to it this beginning of it starts off with something Along the lines of the ones the best of you is the one who's most beneficial to others And then if you have a husband or wife that has the mentality of being beneficial And you'll see people by the way in look in the local muskets the local community Those who are always beneficial to others when those people are missing. They are truly missed It's like where is so and so Everyone misses these people and you can be that person and again, this isn't there's nothing that prevents us from having any of these attributes The next one number five someone who doesn't compromise their dean Even if they put them in an awkward situation All of us have been in that situation It's where we being muslim in this environment is very easy But sometimes being muslim in a different environment is not so easy, especially if you're the only muslim I can't tell you how many times I've been on a flight where I'm praying and people are talking to me I've got the airport How many times like all these random stuff happens and I'm the only muslim in this area That's like, I don't know if there's any muslims in the airport or whatever. I'm praying So it happens, but I don't care like and the fact that they don't care that says a lot They don't next one Someone who has the life skills that will make him a good husband or wife This is something that's missing from our generation right now, by the way A lot of people are like, I want this this this this this in a spouse. Okay. What do you bring to the table? You're like, uh, what I said, what do you bring? Like what life skills do you have that your spouse will find beneficial as a good husband or as a good wife? Right. So what can you do? And people don't know So you have to develop these life skills and there's a lot of them by the way For both male or female learning how to cook will save you a lot of money guys A lot of money Right, and that's a good skill to have our parents had it. Well, we just for some reason we don't have it Our generation is missing it. We have door-dash Someone who is humble and the number seven is only 10 of them someone who is humble Has a humble personality Even with the gifts that alas aponta has blessed them with If you're humble and you have no gifts, uh, that's easy to be humble But if you're humble and you've been gifted with beauty with wealth With social status with something and you're still humble and not fake humble, you know, fake humble, you know, that's fake Oh, yeah, I don't know how I do it so well. Like I so hard to be a millionaire. Like, you know, it's like that kind of stuff No, but we're truly humble that shows you that it's it's a it's a very rare Attribute to have and people who have it says a lot about their character Number eight Someone who treats the least most the least important person in the world with the same respect at those who are above them Find the least most important least significant person in your life Person who like for somebody in the male bathroom Women's bathroom. I don't know if it has or not, but male bathroom sometimes in the fancy restaurants There's a person there just giving you a napkin and giving you a cologne and stuff like that No one even pays attention to this person or the janitor Who's cleaning the place and no one's paying attention to this person Treating that person with kindness and respect the same way you would treat the present if the president walked through that door A lot of times you'll see people treat people differently based on their status and what I can benefit from you And if you see someone treat even the least significant person with respect and with kindness It says a lot about their personality and by the way, you will see all these things i'm referring to transform when you are Disagreeing and arguing with your spouse Because you'll see the level of discipline and kindness and their character Because all of us no matter how perfect of a husband or wife you think you'll find You'll find somebody you are going to argue and fight with them and how you fight makes a world of difference We're almost done here. Number nine is someone who doesn't give up just because something is hard to do All of us will go through those challenges and sometimes things are really hard to do One thing it's hard to do is to get married Go to these single events go on using websites go through your family tell your friends Talk to people it doesn't work out. Talk to somebody else. It doesn't work out. Talk to somebody else. It doesn't work out Man, this is hard Yeah, but i'm not going to give up And that says a lot about you that shows you have resilience Finally someone who has a discipline being able to resist things Even forgives them pleasure And what i mean by that is a lot of times it's hard for us to like for brothers Is our challenges is lowering the gaze sometimes to see For the sisters or challenges not as difficult for lowering the gaze But to be seen will be a different challenge. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has blessed them with beauty And so it's harder for like that challenges for brothers To all the respect brothers. We are not the beautiful creatures No, like generally the men are not like use of story Right story use is so unique because there's like one use of the most men This is the thing that's interesting about sisters and brothers I'll or didn't have too much time to go over this but maybe next time inshallah But it's interesting how the minds think so differently with the two genders The majority of sisters do not find the majority of brothers attractive I'm being honest with you guys I'll tell you something sisters that may surprise you the majority of brothers find the majority of sisters attractive It's different Sisters if they sister is talking to her friend And their friend none of their friends find you attractive that make you a little bit less attractive But if all her friends find you attractive they find you suddenly a little more attractive For brothers, it doesn't work like that whatsoever If all his friends don't find you attractive It will not make a difference if he finds you attractive or not If all his friends say she's very attractive It won't make you attractive if he's not attractive we're our brains think differently And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala there's wisdom in Allah making us different So we're not trying to force your husband to be like you or your wife to be like you is going to frustrate you Except the beautiful differences Allah has made between us And if you do it'll give you a lot less Struggle with that And I think my time is I have no idea We're done. Okay. Yes. Oh, it's okay. So I want to make sure I don't go over my time I'm sorry. I should be looking at my watch more often. I apologize for any time I went over