 Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. That's drunk. Are you sick of Barbie yet? Of course not. We still have to talk about the two Barbie Super Nintendo games, Barbie Super Model and Barbie Vacation Adventure. Well, more like one and a half Barbie games since Vacation Adventure was finished but never released. I still have not seen the new movie, but it looks pretty funny, which strikes me as strange because I never imagined Barbie having any kind of personality. Since she was meant to be something you could imprint anything you want onto it, even if it's as weird as Oreo Barbie, a Barbie with a dog that craps and you make her pick it up, or Christmas Humpty Dumpty Barbie. Geez, you think she's warm enough in there? The only officially released Barbie licensed game on Super Nintendo was Barbie Supermodel made in December 1993 by Software Creations. Hey, wait a second. That's the same folks behind Ken Griffey Jr. presents Major League Baseball. Huh, maybe this game is good. But really, as a development team, they're all over the map, making great games like Griffey and other solid efforts like Equinox and Plock, but also some truly terrible games like The Tick and the SNES port of Revolution X. And that's exactly the part of the Spectrum where Barbie's Supermodel falls. Here's how the game works. You start out driving around in your pink Corvette, and apparently some people really resent that because they drive diagonally straight into your blind spot. What is this, Albuquerque? You collect points and all that, and then you drive to a war point where Barbie has to pick out what she has to wear for this photo shoot for Barbie Magazine. This part is kind of weird because your score is predetermined based on what you picked, and the game waste no time demonstrating it has the taste of a suburban mom who subscribes to good housekeeping and watches Regis and Kathy Lee every morning. Like for example, the game expects you to pick something like this to get the best score. I guess she's a big Chicago Bulls fan or something, but you know what? This looks way better. You're wearing Billy Ray Cyrus' jacket with mom jeans and Jake the Snake Roberts' boots. That's quality. Zero. Come on. After that, you go to the gym, I guess, and you hop around according to the input, and this is when I remember that this game is meant for young children and I immediately feel like an idiot for trying to review this game, so I'm back on the road to another photo shoot. This time the game expects you to make Barbie look like Lisa Gibbons, but instead I'd rather try to look like Six from Blossom with two blue corn tortilla chips hanging off my ears. Gotta make sure the makeup is all different colors, too, so you go full bathroom clown. What are these earrings? Bird houses? Well, at least I got 40 points out this one. What is this outfit so you can look like Robin Williams on Morkin' Mindy? There's also neon Elvis jumpsuit Barbie wearing a WWF title belt and shoes made out of fruity pebbles. And there's the Olivia Newton John 80s look, except you're still wearing cowboy boots for some reason. All of these got zero points. This game's got no taste. Anyway, after that, you go to a fashion show where a bunch of white people watch you spin around for a minute and then you go to the beach and instead of driving it's roller skating, and it's the exact same stuff all over again. After this part, you're in a winter setting, then you're in a bike in the park, and that's pretty much the entire game. I mean, yeah, of course it is. This is meant to be a simple Barbie game for kids, but, you know, wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't cover this one. I do want to give a shout out to the music though. You just know when certain dev teams get assigned projects like this, some of them clearly didn't care what kind of a game it was, as long as it gave them an excuse to bust out a sick baseline. I should also mention that this game also had versions on DOS and Sega Genesis, so you can ignore this game on those platforms too. Like I said earlier, there was another Barbie game planned, Barbie Vacation Adventure, for both Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis, but it was cancelled for whatever reason, despite being completed, and despite making Barbie look like Candace Cameron. If you really want to, you can find the realm of this one floating around out there. This is another one made by Software Creations sometime in 1994, although this game actually has, you know, gameplay sometimes. It's laid out in five different locations placed on this map, and dear god what is going on in Iowa. That is horrifying, so we're gonna do that first. Of course, before you get started, you have to pick out Barbie's outfit, but after that, you have to chase down a pig at the county fair. Yup, that's Iowa, alright. It takes about two seconds to catch it, and then you do all the classic carnival games like throw stuff at cans, a test of strength, and throwing stuff in these emotionally scarred and tortured clown faces. You also go camping and set up a tent, you go scuba diving for hidden treasure, you play volleyball, you ride a horse, you play horseshoes, and then you go home to look for a bunch of presents hidden around your house, so you can guess who got them for you. I'll give this game credit for, you know, trying to be a game, I guess, but this is as boring as it gets. The controls feel slow and cheap, the visuals are bland, and again, the music might be the only redeeming quality this game has, but even then, you know, there's a reason this game was never released. So yeah, it probably goes without saying at this point that these games aren't worth your time today, you could probably answer that just from reading the title, and yeah, I understand that they're meant for small children, but I would like to point out, the mentality behind both of these games is the thought of, well, these are games for girls, and girls don't play games, so who cares? Fast forward to 2023, and that thought process looks pretty damn stupid. Not that it would have saved these games at the time, although I'm not gonna lie, seeing Barbie in some kind of crazy top-down Zelda action game would have been pretty cool, but from the perspective of the people involved in making these games, there was never an incentive for anyone to give a crap about making them good, which means they're the worst kind of licensed games. Two low-effort wet farts that only sold copies because of the license. Avoid these games. Alright, I want to thank you for watching, and I hope you have a great rest of your day.