 Welcome to this edition of my podcast. Today's podcast is a replay of a webinar that I did called Six Keys to Great Mentoring Relationship. I think more of us than ever are aware of a need for a well-chosen mentorship voice into our lives or our organizations or businesses. But we're not sure when we need that, why we need that or how to find a great match for the needs that we have. I'm answering these and other questions in today's podcast. I want to say to you how much I have loved the first eight months of my online mentorship group. I want to invite you to join that tribe with us. To that end, I am giving an exclusive offer just for you in this podcast. You'll find more information in the notes about that. I'd love you to join my mentorship group tribe. Thank you. Please enjoy today's podcast. Number four about Stroking Flesh. You've got to leave your ego at the door and I've got to leave my ego at the door. For mentoring to work, it has to be as ego free as possible. Now, I know how difficult and a big call that is, but so many people I've mentored. I've had to say, look, I know you find that hard to hear, but the part of you that struggles to hear that is not your essential self that wants to grow and wants this mentoring. It's your ego self. The ego is immune from mentoring. The ego, its job is not to change. Its job is to protect this version of you that has agreed with you to create. The ego's job is to protect this identity, this status, this accomplishment, this confidence that you have, this knowing what's what, this being in charge, this status and title and badge. All of that is your egoic self that creates this identity. So when someone come and pokes at that by challenging you on why you were on your phone all night, or why are you letting people take advantage of your leadership by not telling them, don't take 15 when I give you five. You do five or less, or I won't use you again. The ego starts to want to respond and answer on your behalf. Ego says, you be quiet here. I'll go and protect us. You can't have an effective mentoring relationship if you don't let your ego go from the moment we get into the mentoring floor together. I've got to let my ego go part of my ego and mentoring could be. I want to pretend to know an answer to a thing that I don't. My ego may tell me they want you to be the kind of mentor they want, which means you should know the answer to what they're asking you. You should be able to help them with that. My ego, my mentoring ego identity may tell me to fake it and to come across like a no more than I do. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to be honest and open with you. So I have to manage my side of my mentoring ego identity for whatever that may be in me. I meant to some famous wealthy people. I have to manage my ego to not name drop or say, well, I know these people. Whatever the versions of that are for me in the mentor-mentee relationship, I've got to keep an eye on that stuff too. So we've both got to leave our egos at the door. All right, number five. I hope you guys are okay. We'll get to Q&A in a couple of minutes. Number five, for mentoring relationship to be successful and quality, it has to be intentional and it has to have follow-through. Intentionality, I've talked to you about that on previous webinars. And follow-through guys are huge. I'm going to tell you, if I had a dollar or a pound or a euro, whatever your currency is, for every person that's said to me around the world, listen, I've got to get mentoring with you. You know, after the 10-minute conversation in which maybe I helped them, I've got to get mentoring with you. I've got to get mentoring. What do I do to get mentoring? And I'll say to them, well, you just send an email to paupolscandlin.com that goes through Tehana and we'll get the ball rolling. I never hear from them again. That's what I mean by intentionality and follow-through, especially with something, as I said earlier, there is this non-mainstream consciousness to you as mentoring is not. So unless you're intentional about something that is odd for you to do, it's difficult enough to be intentional about something that is natural to do, something that is not natural to do, adding a relationship to your life like mentoring that is not normal. If you're not more intentional about that than anything else that is normal, it'll never happen. And I know what happens. I think people in the heat of the moment, in the energy of the moment, in the gratefulness that's been helped in the moment, they're like, oh, this is amazing. No one's ever told me that before. No one's ever helped me with that before. I really need this in my life. And I'm like, oh great, good. And then I hold my breath. Well, I don't hold my breath thinking. I know they're getting touched. I usually say to myself, I'll never hear from you again, because sadly that is the default mode of most humans. And so for mentoring to work, especially because it's mentoring and it's new and different and unusual, never done before, you have to be intentional and follow-through. It proves how many of us are led by emotion when we're all gushy in the moment. And these are not stupid people. These are intelligent, smart, in-charge, good people that are, I've got to do this. I'm going to make this happen. I'll be in touch. You'll hear from me by the end of the day. Then I hear nothing. And I think it's part of our human default mode. And so unless you're intentional and follow-through and commit and sign and spend money and sign up and get in touch and start, that's why I said being ready is overrated. And if you don't jump in, it'll never happen. All right. Number six, then we've got a Q&A, cost versus value. Let me talk to you about cost versus value. People say to me all the time, well, I can't afford mentoring. I can't afford coaching. I can't afford that subscription. I can't afford to buy those books. I can't afford to take that seminar. I can't afford. I can't afford. Okay. Listen to me. Forget the language of afford and cost and frame this whole thing. I talked about framing in an earlier webinar. You've got to frame these kind of relationships and investments as what is the value to me? What is the value to me of being involved in this relationship? You know, I have spent thousands of pounds in my life, literally tens of thousands on getting help, on finding a voice, finding an emphasis, an influence, a tribe, something I subscribed to, bought, got on a plane and flew to, put people on a plane and sent them to. Because the value of it to me was way beyond the cost of what was spent in terms of money. So what makes mentoring successful at the outset and ongoingly is that you don't think, well, I can't afford a hundred books, however it is, because the chances are people that are saying that are spending far more money on junk in their lives that does not have the same return at all to them in terms of the investment in their personal development and their flourishing. So you've got to stop thinking of cost and think of value. Listen, what is it worth to you? Seriously, what is it worth to you to be told you are not crazy, but you shouldn't quit, don't abandon the idea, don't stop. What you're talking about is a superpower that others have told you is a massive failure in your life. What is it worth to you to be told you're not insane by someone that understands you, someone that has been in your shoes, someone that knows what it is to be put down and maybe many of you live your life, by the way, in a negative downbeat low energy. Who do you think you are environment? What is it worth to you to have someone believe in you, to have someone empower your brains out, to have someone stay with you long enough, but you got beyond the point where you normally turn back from, someone that helps you get beyond that point where you normally have quit in years before and you got into a new territory you've never been before. What is it worth to you to have a voice that explains something to you that it would take you years to find out? What is it worth to you to have something passed to you from someone that's lived your life before you got there? Someone that's been through the season you've been through and someone that hands back to you an insight, a wisdom, an illumination, a clarity that you would take years to find out that I can give you in minutes. What is that worth? Guys, it's priceless. So you should not come to mentoring with a cost mentality. I think small-minded people think of cost. I think big-minded people think of value in life. So many of you don't think you're worth it. And I want to say this to some of you. Some of you don't think you're worth it because you've been told all your life you're not worth spending money on. Some of you don't spend money on yourself or things like this because you don't think you're worth it. And I want to say to you, you are worth it. You are more than worth it. And you got to get that message at this year and this decade. You are worth that money spending on you. Don't tell anybody if that's going to help you. Don't tell anybody. You spent this money on a mentor. It's not in their business. Just learn to benefit from it yourself. And I want to say to some of you before I got a Q&A, some of you need to find a sponsor. Many of the people I mentor don't pay for it themselves. It is gifted to them by somebody that has more resources than them, who knows the value of it to them and knows the counter for it. So many people have a financial sponsor who finances their one-on-one mentoring with me, which is more expensive. And if you're in a business or a church or an organization, they should be financing your personal development. I now mentor people all over the world and their companies are paying for their time with me because their companies know if they grow and get better, then the value they bring back to the organization is huge. So they have a budget given to them of so many thousand dollars a year. They can do what they want with it and they choose to put it into mentoring relationship. So some of you shouldn't be trying to find the money for it anyway. Others should be paying for that. You know, people pay thousands. I spoke to someone just a month or so back. They spent 5,000 pounds, you know, 7,000 US dollars in going to two days, two days coaching program with the Tony Robbins or someone like that. It's incredible, but they didn't see it at all as a waste of money. It was the best investment of their lives they were telling me. So it's value over cost is how I want you to think. The outset of this year and decade, I sat down like some of you have done and I asked myself as I'm 62, OK, what do I want to do in this decade of my life? What is the value for me? Where is the valuable spending of my fossil fuels of time and attention? They're not renewables. What I want to do and one of the things I don't want to do more of and do less of is be on planes all around the world. I just don't want that wear and tear on me in order to find a voice and in order to speak to people. I'll still do some of that. I'll do less of it as I age. One of the things I wanted to do is I wanted to create and I didn't have this idea at first until I spoke with Paul that you just spoke to and others about how do we deliver this? How do I create a more intimate conversational interactive community because when I speak to thousands of people in a room, there's no chance like we're going to Q&A in a minute, OK, and this mentorship group. Listen, I've got to tell you, you have got no chance at all in asking someone like me a question if I come to speak in your neck of the woods to a meeting. You might get a Q&A session, usually it isn't. So the chances of you being able to ask me a question are zero. And I don't like that. I want you to be able to have access to me. I want to live full, die empty. I want to get rid of what I know. I want to tell you something that it took me a long time to figure. I want to pass something on to you guys because often no one helped me in life. I was in a fog and a dark room for years about things. I got no help. So I wanted to find a way to create a tribe, a family, a community where I could be more interactive, more personal, more relational, more intimate, more conversational. And so this mentorship group lets me do that on a wider scale. The difference is I can reach more of you than the one-on-one stuff. More of you can have access to that voice, to that mentoring wisdom I'm bringing than the more best spoke one-on-one stuff that I do, that I'll still do. And so we can create a tribe. I like the idea of a community that's called the mentorship group, a community of us. It's exclusive. It will be exclusive in numbers and exclusive in communication with each other. No one else will be part of those webinars, only us. I like the feel of that. So part of what I want to do with this next season of my life is to give myself to that. Well, I hope you enjoyed today's episode on six keys to great mentoring relationship. Don't forget to comment and subscribe and don't forget to check out the special mentorship group offer in the show notes. Thanks for listening.