 The Kraft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as the great Gildesley. He's brought to you partially transcribed by the Kraft Foods Company. Twenty years ago, the Kraft Foods Company introduced a wonderful new salad dressing, a superbly smooth, delicious tasting salad dressing called Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip was so remarkably good that it soon became the most popular salad dressing ever created. Now, Miracle Whip outsells the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined, and good cooks everywhere depend on it to make their salads better tasting. To bring out the best in your salads, use the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. It's a satisfaction to the great Gildesley that such a fine state of harmony and mutual understanding exists between his own little family and that of his niece Marjorie next door. They share many things, such as the apple pie the water commissioner just polished off at dinner. Oh, my George, that was a fine pie Marjorie brought over, Bertie? Yes, and then this Marjorie's getting to be a fine cook. When she used to send things over here, I thought it was because Bronco wouldn't eat them. Bertie, you'd better bake something for Marjorie so she'll keep them coming. Yes, sir. I sent a cheese souffle over there the other day. Good idea. I like another of Marjorie's pie. What's so great about her pie? She probably bought it frozen. Well, she had to thaw it out. Didn't she, Bertie? Yes, sir. Second cup of coffee? Thank you, Bertie. I always like to look at the mail around the 15th of the month, because nobody's telling you to pay something by the 10th. Yes, sir. See, use a fancy circular from the hardware store. I never can get out of a hardware store without buying something. Why do you go in there? Well, to buy something. See, here's something I've been wanting for a long time. An electric spray gun. Spray gun? For painting jobs around the house. Oh, boy, get it, aunt. I'll fill it with ink and take it to school next fall. You will not. All right, George, it'd be just a thing for painting to picket things. Oh, Bron. You know, I'll do it, my boy. All them spray guns have a lot of uses. I heard Judge say that he used one to spray the apis right off his rose trellis. Hey, come to think of it. Bronco and Margie were talking about painting their lawn furniture. Maybe Bronco would like to go in on it. You're going to ask him to pay for half of it? Well, he'll be using it as much as I will. I think I'll go talk to him tonight. Well, how do you know he wants to buy a spray gun? Leroy, I anticipate these things. He has painting to do, so it follows he'll want to do it the handy, economically easy way. That's what it says right here. Yeah, but maybe he doesn't want to do the painting himself. Maybe he wants to hire it done. Well, that's where he's completely wrong. George is a good thing I keep my eyes open to these things. Oh, brother. That's why our two families get along so well. My foresight, right, Bertie? Well, you're better off with foresight than just hindsight. You bet. Yes, sir. It's no trick to see what's behind, so you're a lot better off with foresight than hindsight, because if your foresight is as good as your hindsight than your sight better off. Maybe get your slippers, Bronco? No, thanks, Marge, honey. I'll just sit here and wiggle my toes at television. Shall we turn it on? No, not yet. I just wanted to be quiet for a while. All right, darling. Had a hard day at the office. Oh? A pushy salesman came in, and I thought I'd never get rid of him. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He insisted he had exactly what I needed. I held my temper. I restrained myself. Poor Bronco. I couldn't go through that again. Some salesman just... Hey, you sit still. I'll go to door, dear. Oh, thanks, honey. Thank you, come on in. Yeah, thank you. Oh, hello, Mr. Gilder Slave. Bronco, I came over to sell you something. Well, sell me something? Well, actually, I came over to offer you an opportunity. Well, that's what a fella kept telling me all afternoon. Well? Won't you sit down, Anki? Well, I'll sit over here close to Bronco and talk over our deal. What is our deal, Mr. Gilder Slave? Well, you know that lawn furniture you're going to repaint. Oh, I'm not going to paint it. I'm going to hire it done. Well, as I told Leroy before I came over, that's where you're all wrong. Oh, I am? Bronco's a little tired tonight, Anki. Don't you want to discuss it another time? Bronco, you should never be too tired to save money. You can paint things yourself a lot cheaper than you can hire it done. Now, here's a picture of the paint sprayer I thought we'd go in on. Paint sprayer? It's exactly what you need. Well, I suppose a man can need something like a paint sprayer and not be aware of it? You bet. Take something like me to point it out to you. Mr. Gilder Slave, I'm sorry, but I don't want a paint sprayer. Oh, you won't have a whole paint sprayer. You just own half of it. Well, I don't even want half a paint sprayer. No, Bronco, you just think you don't. You haven't even thought about a paint sprayer until I came in here. Oh, that's very true. Unky, I really don't think Bronco's interested in a paint sprayer. But I won't take no for an answer. Look, I... The reason I'm pushing this Bronco is that it has advantages you haven't thought about. Well, Mr. Gilder Slave... You can use a paint sprayer for touch-up jobs on Woodward. You can even paint your car. That would save a lot of money, Bronco. Well, I... The first thing I'm going to do with our spray gun is paint my picket things. And besides painting with it, you can use it to spray flowers and shrubs. Get rid of insects. Oh, it gets rid of insects, huh? You know, that would be wonderful, Bronco. We've been talking about hiring a man to do the spraying. Well, now, March, please. And every penny we save will help pay for the new rug we want. Yes, indeed. A penny saved is a penny earned. Calvin Coolidge said that. Poor Richard. Oh, yeah, yeah. Poor Richard said that, Bronco. Yeah, well, if he said that, why was he so poor? Oh, Bronco, you're being facetious. Uh, how much would this spray gun cost, Auntie? Well, it's a close-out at $18, my dear. That's only $9 apiece. Well, it'll cost more than that to have a man paint the lawn furniture, Bronco. All right, all right. I'll buy it. Yeah, there's another way of looking at it, Bronco. Yeah, I said I'd buy it. But you should know why you're buying it. The person doesn't use a paint spray very often. So why should you buy one or why should I buy one? We'll buy one together. I know. I get the picture. And whenever you want to use it or whenever I want to use it, there it'll be. You see, Bronco? Yeah, yeah, Marjorie. Here's my $9, Mr. Gildersleeve. Now, Bronco, I have a feeling you're not completely sold on this project. Yes, I am sold to the hilt. Before I take your money, don't you think we'd better discuss it a little more? Mr. Gildersleeve, you just get the paint sprayer. Fine, I'll pick it up tomorrow. All right, Anki. Yeah, I'd better run along home now. Good night, kiddie. Yeah, good night, Mr. Gildersleeve. Good night, Anki. Poor Bronco, you've had a hard day. Well, after that salesman at the office, I'm just a little tired having people try to sell me something. What was he trying to sell you? A paint sprayer. I just noticed a sign in your window. Come in and guess the temperature. What's the idea? Well, the idea is to get people in the store to guess the temperature. I know, but why? It gets people in the store. What do you win? You win a cool drink at the fountain. It's a great business booster, Mr. Gildersleeve. Well, I'll take a chance, Phoebe. It's a hot day. I'll guess the temperature is around 90. Yeah, let me take a look. My thermometer says 96. 96? Phoebe, where do you have that thermometer? Hanging behind the coffee urn. When people find out how hot it is, they usually buy a cool fountain drink. Yeah, okay, Phoebe. Ice up a coke. Phoebe, I made a purchase at the hardware store this morning. You don't say. Guess what I bought. Some hardware? Well, yes. I have it here in the box. Yeah, look, a paint sprayer. Do you want to spray something? What do you think? I think you're going to spray something. Yeah, that's right. Bronco and I bought it together. He's going to spray something, too. I'll take it. Yeah, we'll have it handy at home when either one of us wants it. My idea, I look out for both families in a way. You know, somebody has to be the big cheat. It isn't that. Sharing things this way brings families closer together. That could be. You should have a spray gun like this, Phoebe. In 10 minutes, you could spray that old counter. It could stand a little pain. Say, why don't I leave the gun with you? No, no, thank you, Mr. Jonas Levi. Make it a practice not to borrow anything except money. I get that from the bank once in a while. Phoebe, you can feel free to borrow from me. No, that's the way to lose friends and customers. That's ridiculous. No, it's a vicious circle. You borrow from friends, lose them as customers, and then you have to borrow from the bank again. Well, now I'm going to insist you borrow the gun. I'd rather not. Don't insult me, Phoebe. Did I insult you? Well, you practically said I and the type would get mad because you borrowed something. Well, I didn't mean that, Mr. Gilligan. Well, say what you mean. Let's not be mealy-mouthed. Anyway. Do you or do you not want to borrow my spray gun? Well, I'll tell you this. If you don't, you're going to lose a customer. Oh, fatal stakes leave this grey gun. Yes, how does it work? Well, I haven't tried it yet. Oh, Mr. Bronco has it? No, I let Mr. Phoebe borrow it. Yes. Yeah, I'm anxious to start on our picket fence, though, after Mr. Phoebe gets through with it. I don't imagine Bronco's in any hurry to use it. No, sir. Over it. Come on in, Mr. Bronco. Well, Bronco. Hello, Mr. Gillersleeve. You know, I think I owe you an apology. An apology? I was a little tired and out of sorts last night. Oh, that's all right. No, no it isn't. I'm afraid I wasn't very receptive to the spray gun idea, Mr. Gillersleeve. You will. But Marge and I have talked it over, and we think it's a fine idea. Well, I won't deny it. I'm anxious to get started painting. In fact, I've taken the afternoon off just so I can spray the lawn furniture. Uh-oh. You've taken the afternoon off? Yeah. Where's the gun? The gun? Well, I'll see. The gun. Well, you bought it, didn't you? Oh, yes. Well, I'm raring to go. Got my old clothes on and everything. Where's the gun? Well, as a matter of fact, I left it with Peavey. Oh, is Mr. Peavey in on this, too? Oh, no, no. But he had some painting to do. Good friend of mine, you know. Oh, that's strange. It isn't like Mr. Peavey to ask for our new spray gun before either one of us has used it. Don't blame Peavey, Bronco. I suggested that he freshen up his showcase with it. Oh, I'm not blaming Mr. Peavey. Well, he... No, but it's all right. I can change my plans. Go back home, change my clothes. Go back to the office. I'll be glad to go and get it from Peavey. No, no, never mind. It's half yours. You have a right to lend it to other people, I guess. Yeah, but I can get it in five minutes. Don't put yourself out. Zeke. Well, Bertie, what do you think? Mr. Gilseep, I think that spray gun's loaded. Yeah, well... I didn't want to say anything when you got the idea, but Bertie thinks that gun's loaded. Yeah, all right, Bertie. Mr. Gilseep, you know what Bertie thinks? Yes, Bertie. That's right. Bertie thinks that gun is loaded. And it's pointed right at me. We'll be back in just a minute. Here's a good trick to remember next time you unmold a gelatin salad. Before you turn it onto your serving plate, moisten the surface of that unmolded salad and also moisten the center of the serving plate. Then if the salad unmolds a little off-center, you can carefully slide it into position without damaging its shape. That'll help give you a lovely to look at salad. Of course, you want that salad to taste good, too. So to be sure you do, use delicious salad dressing, Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip has a lively, teasing peppy flavor, one that millions of folks call just exactly right. And it's a flavor no other salad dressing has, because Miracle Whip is a different kind of salad dressing created by Kraft to give you the qualities of old-fashioned boiled dressing and fine mayonnaise. Miracle Whip has a perfect texture, too. It's smooth as satin, because this dressing is blended thoroughly with a special Kraft beater. So many people like Miracle Whip so much, it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created, actually outselling the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Try it for those shimmering gelatin molds, for colorful vegetable salads, for luscious fruit combinations, and for meat and seafood salads, too. You'll discover there's nothing like smooth, wonderful-tasting Miracle Whip. Lloyd Gilda-Sleeve is a firm advocate of family harmony. He's always thinking of little ways to further cement relations between Bronco, Marjorie, and himself. And one such way was to practically push Bronco into joint ownership of a paint spray gun. But, as Bertie pointed out, it looks like this gun is loaded. If I hurry, I can get the spray gun from Peabee and get it back to Bronco before he changes his clothes and goes back to the office. There's nothing to keep peace in the family. They don't see Peabee around. Peabee! Walking off and leaving the store wide open. Yeah, could be in the back room sorting pills. Peabee! Peabee, don't do that. You asked me where I was, and I told you. Oh, my gosh. Where's the spray gun? I have it here under the counter. I'm glad you talked me into borrowing it, Mr. Gilda-Sleeve. Well, I had to come back for it, Peabee. You did very well, right after I'd do my painting. Maybe I have to have it now. Well, I haven't started yet. Good. I'm just in time. But it's full of paint. I was just about to start spraying. Peabee, don't point that thing at me. Well, stand aside, and I'll get started. This is an emergency. I need the gun. So do I. I emptied the showcase, spread papers on the floor. I've gone to a great deal of trouble. Now you want the spray gun. Well, that's the risk you run when you go around borrowing things. I didn't want to borrow it in the first place. You had painting to do, didn't you? Yes, and I planned to do it. So step away from the counter, Mr. Gilda-Sleeve, unless you want to wipe Mustache. Peabee! Bronco's waiting to use the gun. He's taken time off. Well, I've taken time off, too. Conn found it. Bronco owns half the gun, and he's sore. No, all right. Here, take it. Aren't you going to clean the gun? Well, why's he not cleaning it? I haven't used it. Now, I'll see you here. I'm in a hurry. Let's clean the gun, Pronto. Mr. Gilda-Sleeve, let's not go ordering people around. All right, if you're going to be touchy, I'll take the gun as it is. You don't do it, do you, Ellen? No, Peabee, watch your temper. You watch yours, I'll watch mine. Oh, Peabee, I'm going to overlook this whole situation. Well, bully for you. You may be stubborn, but we're going to remain frank. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. But I thought you might take this paint sprayer. I know you've got plenty to do, but... Yes, sir, Bertie's been... I'm trying to tell you what I want done. Yes, sir. I wonder if you'll clean this paint sprayer. Yes, sir, Bertie'd be glad to. Fine. What does she have to do? What do you have to do? Well, I've got to vacuum the upstairs, vacuum the downstairs, peel the vegetables, put out the can, take in the wash. Bertie, wouldn't you be through with that? Tomorrow, but I'll be glad to... By tomorrow, Bronco won't even be speaking to me. Say, why don't I clean out this paint by spraying it on my picket fence? I'll start right here by the garage. Are you ready? Aim. Fire. You can play shave and haircut. Physical saw. Well, you said you'd go right down and get the gun, so I didn't go back to the office. I waited. Fine, you can have it in a minute. Oh, hey, go right ahead. I'm just cleaning the gun for you. Well, perhaps my eyes deceive me, but it looks like you're painting. Oh, no. No, just spraying the paint on my fence. Oh, well, that isn't painting, huh? You see, Bronco, when I got the gun from Peavey... Hey, what's going on? Oh, hello, Leroy. Hi, what's going on? Your uncle's painting. No, I'm not. Bronco, when I picked it up, he had paint in it. Who had paint in it? Mr. Gildersleeve, you needn't go into a lengthy explanation. But I want to explain. What do you want to explain? Leroy, keep out of this. What am I supposed to keep out of? I want to explain something to Bronco. You don't have to explain anything to me. Well, I'm explaining... Oh, is this isn't the day you're supposed to use the gun? It's Bronco's. Then why isn't he using it? Because Mr. Peavey was using it. Oh, brother, what does he have to do with it? Well, Peavey... Mr. Gildersleeve, let's not blame it on Mr. Peavey. What will we blame it on? What are you two arguing about? There are three of us. What's the argument about? Don't ask me. I got here late. No argument. I'm going to the office now. You are not. Confident you're going to paint your lawn furniture. I am not. Cause nothing but trouble. I'm going to sell it and give Bronco his money. He is the logical one to buy it. Still has his paint in it. He'll be glad to see me coming. His store will be in a mess until he finishes painting his counter. Well, good luck, uncle. I'll see you back home, my boy. And don't tell Bronco what I'm doing for you. Okay. Hello, Peavey. Are you still angry with me? No. I try to keep on good terms with the customers to Gildersleeve. What do you want to buy? I don't want to buy anything. No. No, don't freeze up, Peavey. I want to have a chat with you about this spray gun. I've heard enough about that spray gun. Well, I came in to tell you the gun is up for sale. Well, good riddance. I hate to part with it, but it's a source of misunderstandings at home. I wanted to sell it to somebody who could use it. Let me see. Who do I know that could use this spray gun? Peavey, you're all set up to paint that counter. Why don't you buy it? It's a good look for you. I don't want to buy a spray gun. But you wanted to use it. No, I didn't. You wanted me to use it. Oh, look, Peavey, I paid $18 for the gun. I'll sell it to you for $16. Some bargain. You don't want it at $16? No, I didn't want it, period. Peavey, the gun is brand new. I'm only selling it so I can give Bronco his $9. What do you do? What? I'll give you $9 for it. Talk to Unky about the spray gun. Don't lose your temper. No, don't worry, March. Thanks to you, I've been able to restrain myself pretty well throughout this whole thing. Well, I'll go along because I want to be sure. Oh, you're quite a peacemaker, March. Oh, Bronco. Ah, yes you are. With that even disposition of yours, you're the one who maintains harmony between your uncle and us. Marjorie Bronco, coming in? Oh, thank you, Mr. Gilersleeve. Hello, Unky. Yeah, I was just about to come over and see you, folks. Well, I wanted to tell you something you'll be glad to hear. Oh? I was telling my boss about you. You were? What a great idea you had about the spray gun. Well... This isn't going to hurt me at the office, Mr. Gilersleeve. The boss wants to borrow it. Isn't that wonderful, Unky? Yes, but... Well, you don't mind his borrowing it, do you? Well, no. Except we don't have it. We don't? Well, we had such a to-do about that sprayer, I took the liberty of selling it. You sold it? Mr. Gilersleeve! Bronco, tamper, tamper, tamper! Oh, I forgot. Sorry, Bronco. I was only trying to keep harmony in the family. Yeah, well, that's all right. I can always square it with my boss. Yeah, the reason I bought the gun was to save both of his money. We appreciate that, Unky. I sold it. I had to take a little loss, but here's your $9, Bronco. Oh, no, no, Mr. Gilersleeve. If there's a loss involved, I think I should share it. No, no, no, no. You take it and forget it. No, I don't want to forget it. I don't want to be obligated to you. I can pay my own way. Bronco, let me handle this. Well... Unky, I think you should let us share the loss. Remember what you said about keeping harmony in the family? Well, if you insist, my dear, we'll split it. Here's your $4.50. $4.50? You said you wanted to share the loss. We pay out $9 for a spray gun yesterday and only get half of it back today. But, Marge... Bronco, don't just stand there. Don't you have anything to say? But, Marge, you told me to let you handle it. Of all the silly ways to throw away good money. I'll see why... Oh, how do I get into these things? We'll be with us again in just 30 seconds. Attempting fancy salad main dish deserves something special in the way of a bread or cracker accompaniment. So try hot cheese filled rolls, corn sticks, or oven toasted crackers. That good looking salad deserves something special in the way of dressing, too. So use miracle whip salad dressing. Miracle whip is so delicious. It makes any salad, elegant or plain, taste better than ever. Try it. See what the lively teasing flavor of miracle whip can do for your salad favorites. See why millions prefer miracle whip. I'd like to take this opportunity to salute the farmers of America. We people at Kraft do a lot of business with the farmers, so we know them well. Consequently, we're right behind President Eisenhower's proclamation, naming the week of July 19th to the 25th as the 10th National Farm Safety Week. A lot of accidents happen every year on the farms. There are a lot of fatalities. There's not much some of us can do about it, but since safety is everyone's business, we'd like to ask you fellas in the farms to be extra careful. You're pretty important, you know, because you farmers help keep America growing and strong. Let's everybody be conscious of national farm safety, not only this week, but throughout the year. That's a fine slogan they have. Farm to live and live to farm. Good night, folks. I'm Willard Waterman and is an NBC Radio Network production. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White and is partially transcribed. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Mary Lee Robb, Lillian Randolph, Dick Brenna and Dick LeGrayer. Musical compositions by Jack Meakin. This is John Heaston saying good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of the Great Gilder Sleeve. Sandwiches, meat sandwiches, lettuce and tomato sandwiches all taste better than ever when you make them with Miracle Sandwich Spread. Miracle Sandwich Spread has a delicious tang, a wonderful way of adding pep to your sandwich. It's made by Kraft from America's favorite salad dressing, Miracle Whip and Spicy Relishes. For a quick, fruity sandwich, use Miracle Sandwich Spread alone between bread. But try it soon. Miracle Sandwich Spread made by Kraft. Enjoy the best of Groucho on NBC.